The holidays can be intense, so to-do lists are a good thing to keep handy in case you forget any of your tasks — even when you’re a suspected thief, apparently.

This is a story for anyone who’s given up on love. It’s a story of pain, desperation, and longing. It’s a story about the true meaning of commitment and dedication. It’s also a story about a Florida couple who resisted arrest just so they could bang it out one last time in their mobile hame.

An armed robbery suspect was creative when it came to his getaway car. After robbing a store in Maryland, the 23-year-old man ordered up an Uber.

Earlier this week in Apple Valley, California, a man robbed an auto-parts store while using a Maxipad to conceal his face. The disguise didn’t work—thanks to a clear surveillance video and a familiarity with the suspect, police were able to track him down quickly.

Working in a chocolate factory apparently isn’t as whimsical as it sounds. At least not to a former employee who hated his job at a Vermont factory so much, he tried to get fired by calling in a false bomb threat. Dramatic, much?

In today’s dumb criminal news, a Florida woman who rode a sea turtle like a pony was arrested on an active felony warrant. Snapchat images showing 20-year-old Stephanie Moore and another woman sitting on a sea turtle back in July were spread throughout social media. Following the incident, the Florida Fish and…

Let no one ever tell you that an addiction to Red Bull isn’t dangerous. One man, 26-year-old Eddie Johnson of New Jersey, is about to do some hard time due to his uncontrollable affinity for the drink—and also the fact that he straight-up threatened to shoot people if they didn’t buy it for him.

A news reporter speaking to the victim of a fire got an amazing scoop when he asked the woman, whose garage was set ablaze, if she had any idea about who committed the arson and why. “I don’t want to mention no names,” the woman said before revealing that it was her cousin who did it. But the reason why? That needs to…

Delonte Thomas’ first mistake in trying to be the best boyfriend he could be was to hijack the birthday party of a friend and demand that his own girlfriend be serenaded with “Happy Birthday.” His second mistake was trying to kill everyone who didn’t comply.

Masturbation: It’s dangerous and will likely kill you, if you’re masturbating in the comforts of the open road with a rabbit vibe while a seafood truck is careening towards you.

A man who didn’t want his girlfriend to be in a wedding party has been arrested after actually removing the woman from the premises. Stevens Ewald is being held on $4,000 bail after the unidentified woman confirmed to police that she was taken and held against her will.

Meet Diane Thomas, a 52-year-old woman who beat up and scratched her boyfriend and then did everything in her power to keep from being arrested when the police arrived. And by everything, she meant everything, including a recently-popularized sex act that is usually not offered on a first date (or during an arrest).