Drunk Birds Sing Drunkenly, Science Says

A new study has found that when you get zebra finches totally wasted, they become noticeably worse at singing. They probably think they sound awesome, though. Then they probably want to fly somewhere to get little bird-sized burritos before crying into a bird-sized phone to some ex-birdfriend, before spending the rest… » 12/29/14 7:15pm 12/29/14 7:15pm

The Faces of Drunk People Are Riddled with Hotspots and Shame

In the future, when all police are thermal-scanning robots and all private citizens are real people who maybe like to sneak a bottle of zinfandel and a sleeve of Thin Mints into a Thursday matinee every week and get a little wasted, the police bots will be able to tell all the lonely matinee-goers from the sober and… » 9/05/12 10:00am 9/05/12 10:00am

Baffled Scientists Discover That People Get Drunk To Get Laid

In a new study that has left researchers puzzled and concerned, it turns out that 33% of men and 23% of women in Europe drink to increase their chances of getting laid. The problem, you see, is that most people used to think that getting the people they wanted to have sex with drunk increased their chances of getting… » 5/09/08 5:20pm 5/09/08 5:20pm