Natasha Singer writes in the Times that premature ejaculation (abbreviated PE, also a setting in which it would be especially embarrassing) is the new erectile dysfunction, a male sexual issue with a drug to match. In this case there are two drugs — a pill called Priligy, and an aerosol dudes are supposed to spray it on their dicks if they have trouble lasting more than a minute. Neither is approved in the U.S., yet. In a study, the spray increased penetration-to-ejaculation time to an average of 2.6 minutes — not a huge difference, but maybe enough to feel like an improvement for some men. Singer points out that "there is no doubt that some men are distressed about their inability to control their orgasms," and for those who are deeply dissatisfied with their sex lives, medication may provide some help. But the maker of the spray, Sciele Pharma, claims that one in three men have PE, and this may be exaggerated.

Dr. Wayne Hellstrom tells Singer that somewhere between 20% and 30% of men have PE at some point — but he doesn't say how many of these cases clear up on their own when, say, the guys hit nineteen or so. And psychiatry professor Leonore Tiefer says,

Rapid ejaculation as opposed to slow ejaculation is common, but there is slow and fast everything in the world: slow and fast walkers, slow and fast eaters, slow and fast breathers. When you tell someone they are a fast ejaculator, it makes it sound like there is a right time to ejaculate and, if you ejaculate before, it's a medical problem.

Tiefer's words highlight a contradiction in Sciele Pharma's marketing: if one in three men really has PE, couldn't it be considered a normal variation, rather than a disease? The question is even more apt in relation to menopause, which every woman who reaches middle age undergoes. Singer also wrote the Times menopause article, along with Duff Wilson, and the two writers note that before allegations about cancer risk tainted the drugs' reputation, hormonal treatments were marketed as an almost necessary response to menopause. They cite a commercial in which Lauren Hutton "runs down a beach and warns of the health risks of estrogen loss," saying, "My doctor said if you don't replace estrogen that you lose at menopause, your risk for certain age-related diseases could increase." Since the breast cancer connection was posited, estrogen for menopausal symptoms has been rebranded as "menopausal hormone therapy," rather than "hormone replacement therapy," downplaying the idea that hormones need to be "replaced." Yet hormone advocate Suzanne Somers (pictured) continues to prescribe hormones as "the juice of life," and menopause as a disorder requiring treatment — and she's not alone.

The pharmaceutical industry likely cares far more about money than about gender, and the diseasification of both PE and menopause show drug companies turn to both men and women when they want to make a buck. Their appeals, however, are different in character. Treatment for PE seems to imply that men are insufficiently virile if they can't last "long enough," and that they need help in aerosol form. Of course, jokes about premature evacuation are ancient, and Sciele Pharma didn't invent male performance anxiety. But they are capitalizing on it, by implying that the solution to fast ejaculation isn't a change in sexual practices (last time I checked, a dude's hands and tongue still work even after he comes), but a spray to make him just like every other guy. Or rather, just like the Ideal Male as defined by restrictive social norms and eagerly reinforced by profit-minded executives. The Ideal Female, by contrast, is forever young. Lauren Hutton may have talked about health in her commercial, but the anti-menopause forces have long focused on sexiness and femininity, which are apparently the exclusive province of women with dewy faces and equally dewy vaginas. The idea that bodies change as we get older, and that sex might change along with them — that it might include more lube, more oral, or more imagination — seems anathema to an industry with a big financial stake in promulgating a single, difficult-to-achieve standard.

Of course, menopausal hormone treatments provide real relief to some people — and premature ejaculation spray may as well. The problem comes when people feel that they should take drugs because their bodies are inadequate in some way. One of the healthiest things in our culture could do would be to accept variations in both the way we look and the way we fuck, whether these variations are inborn or arrive with age. But that acceptance might lead to a corresponding acceptance of aging itself, of wrinkles and fat and hair loss and, eventually, death. And were we to truly embrace senescence for what it is — a natural part of life — we might buy a lot less shit. Which, of course, would be bad for the many companies clamoring to bring our penises and vaginas up to code.

Sure, It's Treatable. But Is It A Disorder? [NYT]
Menopause, As Brought To You By Big Pharma [NYT]

Nubian representatives say that the line compares black Egyptians to monkeys, and are suing the singer, her record label, and the songwriter. • The man charged with the kidnapping of Shaniya Davis has also been accused of raping and asphyxiating the 5-year-old South Carolina girl. Mario McNeill is being charged with first-degree murder and rape of a child. • Amanda Knox broke down in tears today in court as the prosecution closed their case against her, saying she "harboured hatred" for Meredith Kercher and "killed her to take revenge." • Amanda Knox's parents are so confident she'll be acquitted that they've already bought her a plane ticket home to Seattle. •  The British man charged with strangling his own wife on a camping trip was found not guilty on account of a rare disorder, which caused him to murder Christine Thomas in his sleep. "You are a decent man and a devoted husband. I strongly suspect that, not withstanding the circumstances here, you may well be feeling a sense of guilt about what happened that night. In the eyes of the law, you bear no responsibility," said the judge. •  Reporter Michael Crowley sat down in a restaurant the other night and found himself sitting two tables away from Sonia Sotomayor. Naturally, he sent out a Tweet, which read: "She left her purse on a chair; stern-faced security guys came back for it about 30 min later." •  Soldiers in Sweden are fighting for flame-retardant underwear. The Swedish Conscription Council claims that the female soldiers were promised appropriate bras and panties years ago, but the armed forces has failed to deliver. • Selma Aliye Kavaf, Turkey's minister for women's affairs, says, "The mentality change regarding women's participation in business or political life would take time. Legislation or laws are not enough for women to become active in business life." • A dad from Minnesota claims that during the first three years of his son's life, he spoke to him only in Klingon. The dad says it was part of an experiment, to see whether his kid would pick up the fictional language. He says he stopped when it became clear his son, now 15, preferred English. •  Warning: This story is disgusting and highly disturbing. Short version: a gang in Peru has been accused of murdering people in order to collect their fat, which is then sold on the black market for cosmetics. • The highest court in New York has rejected an attempt to throw out two government orders to recognize the rights of same-sex couples married in other states. While this is good news, the ruling was based on a technicality, and did not address the broader human rights issue at stake. • A team of researchers have made headway in understanding how the body metabolizes date rape drugs. They hope that the breakthrough "may provide new clues on how to counteract the drug's effects, or to enhance its metabolism and decrease toxicity for chronic abusers or victims of sexual assault." • A study from the Harvard School of Public Health found a woman's risk of developing multiple sclerosis during her lifetime is doubled if she was obese at age 18. This is the first time MS risk has been linked to obesity. The research was based on the Nurses' Health study, but doctors say "There's no reason to believe that the biological mechanisms would be different." • Ohio State University researchers found that alcoholics over the age of 60 have more than 40 alcoholic drinks a week on average, compared to between 25 and 35 drinks a week on average for younger alcoholics. The findings suggest older alcoholics have developed a tolerance and need to drink even more to get drunk. • A North Carolina doctor could lose his medical license for allegedly poking a patient's thigh and calling her fat and irresponsible for being unemployed and using taxpayer's money to pay for another pregnancy. The doctor admitted he told her that her fat thighs and diabetes could make her go blind. • Could "real" America's love affair with Sarah Palin be coming to a close? In this video an angry mob boos her and calls her a quitter after left a an event in Noblesville, Indiana without signing the books of about 300 families who had been waiting for more than three hours. • A few Indian travel agents are pushing "divorce tourism," package deals designed to help couples salvage their relationship. Viresh Hirjee, chief executive of a Mumbai travel agency, has been sending customers of vacation along with marriage counselors. "We are trying our best to bring the couple together," he said, but warned, "We are not destiny changers." • School officials in Orange County, California warned kids that if they skip school today to see New Moon they'll be marked truant. • The business information analysis firm IBISWorld says that the growing popularity of online dating sites is responsible for Australia's sex industry losing $67.6 million in the past year. "The rapid growth in online services means it has never been easier for like-minded individuals to organize casual liaisons for little or no cost," said IBISWorld analyst Edward Butler. • Barbara Ann Radnofsky, Democratic candidate for attorney general in Texas, says a clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages accidentally banned all marriages in the state. The clause reads: "This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage." Backers of the ban say she's reading too much into the clause for political reasons. • The city of Auckland, New Zealand paid $74,000 to give a 66-foot fiberglass Santa statue a facelift. One of his mechanical eyes had been drooping and people were worried it would scare children. His face has been bandaged and the repairs will be unveiled on Sunday. •

•  According to an independent group in Britain, the number of abortions performed on fetuses with Down syndrome has been greatly underrepresented. They claim that doctors, in attempts to protect their patients from further pain, have been classifying abortions performed on fetuses with Down as "social abortions." • Excerpts of Anne Frank's diary were censored out of a school textbook in Lebanon after Hezbollah's Al-Manar television channel ran a report claiming the book promotes Zionism. MP Hussein Hajj Hassan said, "These respected, established schools are teaching the so-called tragedy this girl lived, and yet they are ashamed to teach the tragedy of the Lebanese people, the tragedy of the Palestinian people... the tragedy of the people of the south under the hands of Zionist occupation." • A new study has found that there is a significant gender-based pay gap among US faculty. "Our findings show that women who wish to challenge pay gaps at their own institution need to systematically and quantitatively approach the situation, especially during a time of economic downturn," said the author of the study. •  David Swain has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for the murder of his wife in 1999. Swain was scuba diving in the Caribbean with his wife Shelley Tyre when something went wrong and Tyre was killed. Although local authorities found no evidence of wrongdoing, a British Virgin Islands judge has ruled differently. • Female cancer or multiple sclerosis patients are six times more likely than male patients to be separated or divorced soon after their diagnosis. Researchers said men may leave a sick spouse because they're more hesitant than women to commit to being a caretaker. • Six years ago, Stephen Weston heard about a woman who had been prosecuted for not wearing her seat belt correctly while pregnant. For many women, the cross-body belt is uncomfortable, so Weston decided to solve the problem by developing an alternative belt for expecting mothers. The shoulder harness seat belt will hit the market in 2010. • The New York Times reports on the rising number of female officers in the Iraqi police force. While women were long discouraged from higher positions, many have come to realize that there are certain benefits to having female officers. "Everyone says men are able to do everything, but that's not true," said Lieutenant Farah Hameed. "In investigations, especially with women, women use their compassion with victims to get them to answer questions clearly." •  A recent study shows that yo-yo dieting may be more like drug addiction than previously believed. Researchers put a group of rats on "diet-cycles," and they found that after going without food, the rats suffered anxiety, and the deprivation effected the same stress symptom that kicks in during drug withdrawal. • Women are getting involved in Mexican drug trafficking in greater numbers and many are being jailed or killed. More women are becoming addicts, turning to dealing as a better alternative to prostitution, or being forced to smuggle drugs through military checkpoints by male family members. •  Prosecutors have offered former astronaut Lisa Nowak a plea deal. Nowak is accused of stalking and assaulting Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, who was dating Nowak's ex-boyfriend. •  Wanna be happy for the rest of your life? Move West, young woman. Apparently, people are happiest in the Mountain states and on the West Coast, due mainly to the high concentration of wealth, education, and tolerance. • While experts believe that postpartum depression is still severely under-reported, there are several new programs that offer support and aid to women suffering from PPD. UNC has a particularly good program, which features a small postpartum inpatient unit. • In the next 10 years women are expected to become the majority of unionized workers, according to a report from the Center for Economic and Policy Research. "When you have a majority of women in the labor movement, issues like work-family balance, paid sick days and paid parental leave become more important," said economist John Schmitt. • "Weight-watchers everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief. Contrary to their image as slim models of restraint, French women, it seems, really do get fat," begins this article, on rising obesity rates in France. It's a good thing Mireille Guilano has a new shtick. • Some are calling for the website celebrityaddressaerial.com to be shut down after it was revealed that the people who allegedly robbed Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Orlando Bloom, used the site to gather information on their targets. The site, which lists the addresses and aerial photos of hundreds of celebrity homes, contains information that could be found on sites like TMZ and Google Maps in a more easily searchable format. • A new fiction genre described as "Beatrix Potter meets the Kray Brothers" or "Pulp Fiction meets Wind in the Willows" involves animals, or even dinosaurs, in gritty detective stories. • In an interview with a British journalist who says she dreamed of being a Playboy Bunny as a child, Hugh Hefner says, "My younger brother and I were raised in a home in Chicago with no real affection; we knew we were loved, but there was no display of affection. I think that my quest for romantic love and the adventure of romantic love was filling the space that was left because I didn't get the affection when I was young." • In this security video a woman on a Boston subway platform who appears drunk falls onto the tracks. People wave at an oncoming train to stop, the driver breaks, and the car comes to a stop inches away from killing her. •

Us
"How I Survived Abuse."
The Mary Murphy cover story is about how she was married to this guy from 1978 to 1987 and he raped her, beat her and blamed her for having a miscarriage. Then she got into dancing and it saved her life. Next: Beyoncé called Lady Gaga and asked her if she wanted to be in a video shoot — with two hours notice— and Gaga said yes! Heidi Montag says she's gearing up for a second nose job after being elbowed in the face during a dance rehearsal. The Jackson Family is still shooting their A&E reality show — to air in December and MJ's kids will be included. Rebbie Jackson allegedly feels Michael would "spin in his grave" if he knew. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are secretly back on: A source says she just can't let go — and she's sad that her summer flings have moved on and Vince Vaughn has been on TV lately and so on. But John is so busy getting ready for a tour he can't even think about dating. Taylor Swift was seen in a "romantic embrace" with Taylor Lautner at one of her concerts. "But the Taylors' teenage hormones really took off at the after-party," the mag claims.
Grade: D- (slimy boiled okra)

OK!
"Inside Our Home."
Just so we're clear: At no point do Rob or Kristen utter the quotes on the cover like "Inside our home" or "we're already like a married couple." This is fanfic about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's "love nest" at the Vancouver Sheraton Wall Centre, where they supposedly share the entire 34th floor with adjoining 2-bedroom suites, and a third suite for guests. Rob and Kristen sleep in a king-size bed and microwave Rob's "beloved Hot Pockets" in one of three kitchens. And! "Their room contains no fewer than six natural gas fireplaces, in front of which Rob serenades Kristen with Van Morrison and John Lee Hooker tunes on one of his Gibson guitars, and Kristen reads aloud from the volume of Virgil's Doomed Love that he gave her this year." A "friend" says when they have a day off, they sleep and cuddle all day. One time after out running the paparazzi, they got into an elevator and, as the mag puts it, "then they ascended to their celestial nest and left the real world behind." Also, the picture of their "bedroom" in this story is directly from the hotel's website. Next: George Clooney is trying to quit boozing so he didn't invite Brad Pitt to Italy this summer — a "source" says "he didn't want to get sucked into an endless drinking session." Justin Timberlake is telling his inner circle that Jessica Biel has changed since they first met and he wants to see other women. But she refuses to let go! They're giving the romance another chance, because JT "doesn't want to go out like that" — looking like a cad. Moving on: Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy. Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner — who met on the set of Valentine's Day — may be dating. They've been calling and texting "all the time." Apparently TL threatened to kick Kanye's butt and TS was touched. At the Gosselin Twins birthday party, the girls blew out candles and then told a camera crew member that their wish was for mommy and daddy to stop fighting. Sniff. Rihanna is "looking more fierce than ever." The secret behind her new confidence? She's finally stopped talking to Chris Brown.
Grade: F for false story, upgraded to D for entertainment value (old pumpkin turned into jack o' lantern)

In Touch
"At War With Tom."
Apparently Katie's parents came to visit. But it wasn't just a visit — it was a "crisis talk." They're not happy with Tom pressuring Katie to have another baby when she's not ready. Despite the tension, Tom and Katie are trying to keep Suri happy. Even though the mag claims TomKat is fighting over religion, Suri's already enrolled in Catholic pre-school. So whatever. Next: Lindsay Lohan may have tried to kill herself. Her rep denies the story, but Grazia reported she'd been rushed to the hospital at 8 in the morning with deep slash wounds on her right wrist. She'd been drinking and crying for hours. She allegedly told hospital staff she'd cut herself trying to open a bottle of wine. Michael Lohan tells the mag: "Look at Michael Jackson. I'm afraid she's headed down that path." Next there's a six-page story called "Why They Can't Stop Gaining," which includes Oprah, Kelly Clarkson, Jon Gosselin, Kirstie Alley and Kevin Federline. Also inside: Jon Gosselin sucks because he pulled one of his daughters by the ponytail and yanked one of his son's arms. Then he promised Mady a laptop and Cara an ATV. A psychologist who does not treat Jon says, "You can't put a kid on an ATV." Did you know that Jesus gets an allowance? Madonna gives him about $10,000 a month to cover expenses. Nicole Kidman has "gone to far" with her "shockingly smooth skin." (See image 7).
Grade: D (mushy zucchini)

Life & Style
"Two More Babies On The Way!"
The Angie story is called "I WANT EVEN MORE BABIES!" She told the British magazine Stylist, "I can see further additions to the family — both adopted and our own." An insider says: "Some people get addicted to drugs and alcohol. Brad and Angie are addicted to children." The mag adds: "It's a dangerous addiction." Oh, and by the way: "Brad was smooth and youthful… before he started raising a family." (See image 8). Moving along: Kristin Davis says: "I'm 44 and I want a baby." As Russell Brand's ex-girlfriend, Georgina Baillie has a warning for Katy Perry: "I don't think he's capable of monogamy. I was part of his conveyor belt of women coming through his door. If you go to one of those famous bars or clubs in London, every second girl in there knows what Russell is like in bed, from personal experience. An ex who dated Brand before Georgina says: "It wouldn't be fair for me to call him a scumbag… He's just a boy." Couple name alert: Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are "Taylor Squared." Suri Cruise is "so grown up" with her lipstick, heels and Starbucks. One caption reads: "Lipstick on a 3-year-old? Suri looked like a teenager." Actually, she didn't. "America's Worst Dad" is all about Jon Gosselin. He's addicted to fame, he should grow up, and he needs to mediate with Kate, say "experts." Katherine Heigl's adopted baby Naleigh had two holes in her heart when she was born and open-heart surgery when she was 3 months old. Ben Affleck has been "chatty and flirty" with his costar Rebecca Hall on the set of his new movie The Town. And she looks just like Jennifer Garner (See image 9)! Lastly: Beyoncé and Lady Gaga will be in B's upcoming video, "Video Phone." Everything on the set was hush-hush, but this story informs us that Beyoncé wears a feathered dress, Gaga wears something wild, and the fashion is "sick and insane."
Grade: D+ (burnt squash)

Star
"Lindsay Hits Rock Bottom!"
This mag claims Lindsay Lohan collapsed on October 6 at a party thrown by Mario Testino. She fell into a "booze-filled tailspin" after learning that the Ungaro show was an "epic failure." While she was in Paris she was partying every single day and an insider says: "Lindsay is a wreck, a mess, a disaster. She's an obituary waiting to happen." (See image 10) At the party she read the Ungaro reviews and then had a meltdown. She was crying and shouting and later she passed out drunk and her friends got her out of the place. The mag says that when she drinks she "craves cocaine" immediately and "will go to any lengths to get it." Once she made a friend drive from Hollywood to Santa Monica just to get drugs and then snorted a line off the console of the car while the car was moving. A "friend" says Lindsay is taking Paxil, Xanax, Ativan, Valium and Adderall. "She'll just reach into her bag and take a handful without looking to see who they are." By the by, 15-year-old Ali Lohan partied alongside her sister in Paris. In addition, insiders say a year and a half ago, Lindsay started getting Botox on her forehead and between her eyebrows. A source says "her upper face is practically frozen. Plus she's addicted to lip fillers… I doubt she can feel her lips anymore." Someone else says: "Lindsay is afraid of being alone, so she ends up trolling restaurants in Hollywood that are open 24 hours, where lots of seedy people hang out. She ends inviting some of the lowlifes home." Her favorite pickup line is to tell guys she's not wearing any underwear. "Some of her hookups have already robbed her. She'll wake up and find stuff missing. Half the time she doesn't remember what she did. She could easily end up murdered." Also inside: Taylor Momsen's skirts get shorter and shorter. (See image 11.) As Patsy Stone once said: "One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the whole world's your gynecologist!" Whitney Port and Leonardo DiCaprio are dating. Blind item: "Which sweet starlet may be switching teams? Fed up with her baby daddy's drama, she recently confided to a friend that the ladies have been looking really good lately." Jessica Simpson had to rewrite her speech for a gala to benefit Operation Smile: She froze when the teleprompter started and complained that she couldn't even pronounce half the words. Chris Brown wants to keep the orange vest from his community service — as a reminder of how awful things can get if he flips out again. Khloe and Lamar: "It's over already." They had a fight when he got back late from a game and Khloe asked for a back massage. He refused and said she should give him a massage after playing a tough game. They argued; she slept in another room that night, and the next night he went out and flirted with other girls. Britney Spears and Jason Trawick are back on. Jon Gosselin wants to hook up with Kate's best friend, Jamie Cole Ayres. They've always had a secret attraction and now have been sending sexy texts! David Letterman's wife, Regina Lasko, has locked Dave out of their $5 million mansion and he's been sleeping at his apartment in Tribeca. She's not letting him see their son Harry, either. He's been sending jewelry and flowers, but it's not working. Brad and Angelina have "given up" disciplining their kids; they're not into yelling at them or something. The kids have dinner around 11pm — a "smorgasboard of snacks." There's no set bedtime of when to sleep or where to lay their heads. The kids sleep in Brad and Angie's bed and wear whatever they want. "Sometimes Zahara falls asleep in her Sleeping Beauty dress, which has permanent chocolate milk stains on it." Pax and Maddox are raising a child army: They shoot paint guns in the house, fire plastic arrows at the nanny, and have enlisted Shiloh and Zahara to join their ranks. Oh, and Maddox wanted to pierce Vivienne's ears himself, with a pin, but Angie decided to have it done professionally.
Grade: B+ (sauteed spinach)

(click "full size" to enlarge)

Tara is a homeless woman in her late 20s who is addicted to partying in general. Her drug of choice wasn't really made clear. According to the urinalysis Donna gave her, Tara came up positive for just about every single drug listed, although she claimed she'd been sober for several days. Tara lost custody of her firstborn daughter after her pediatrician discovered cocaine in the child's system. Shortly thereafter, Tara's family staged an intervention, but she was kicked out of the facility when it was discovered that Tara was pregnant, and the father was her drug dealer. She subsequently lost custody of that child, as well. She was finally ready to get her life together, and hired Donna as her sober companion to help her out and get her into a sober living facility. However, Tara wanted one last party before checking in, which Donna was not having. Basically, Donna didn't believe a word that Tara said about anything, which led her to say, "You can piss on my leg and tell me it's raining…" before walking out the door.


The sober living facility Tara was to check in to requires that residents be clean for at least 48 hours before moving in. However, Tara opted to get as high as possible instead.


After partying all night, Tara contacted Donna and told her she was ready to get serious about her sobriety. Donna invited Tara to stay in her hotel room for 48 hours to make sure she was sober so that she would be able to check into a sober living facility. Upon searching Tara's bags, Donna found a freshly used needle, as well as other people's checkbooks and identification. Donna then put her own valuables in a safe deposit box so that Tara would not have to opportunity to steal her identity. Tara finally checked in to sober living and 24 hours later, she relapsed and disappeared. She returned to the facility three weeks later, but because of some felonies she was charged with, she faces a very long jail sentence.

Q: How bad did it get with the drugs?
A: "We were payin' money."


Q: When did the drugs start?
A: Time is categorized as either "Before The Bodyguard" or "After The Bodyguard."


Q: What did she do when she was high?
A: Read the bible.


Q: What did Bobby Brown do when he was high?
A: Arts and crafts.


Q: How frequently did she do drugs while filming The Preacher's Wife?
A: Every day.


Q: Was Bobby Brown jealous of her?
A: Hell to the yes.


Q: Does Whitney still worry about pleasing Bobby?
A: Hell to the no.
Q: Was Bobby Brown Abusive?
A: Emotionally, yes.


Q: Did Whitney realize what she was getting herself into when she signed up for Being Bobby Brown?
A: Hell to the no.


Q: What was Whitney's drug of choice?
A: Bobby.

Carver's made a career of frank confession: talking about a wild childhood, an unreliable drug-dealer dad, her time as a sex worker, her escapades with people and substances. As she writes in a must-read essay in Salon,

I do believe in drugs — for fun and enlightenment. I've tried PCP, LSD, speed, poppers, mushrooms. (I even wrote a book called "Drugs Are Nice.") If it weren't for a one-time use of Ecstasy — which I believe opened up intimacy passages blocked by childhood trauma — I may have gone an entire lifetime without understanding why anyone would want to kiss anyone. E unlocked a door for me. But I didn't understand taking something over and over, walking back and forth through a door already opened wide. That's like watching reruns all day. I've occasionally drunk to black out, only to discover what I was capable of when inhibitions were deactivated. (The answer? A lot!) But I would no more smoke or drink as a daily habit than I would throw darts at my eyes. I was against stupefication in any form — doing computer blackjack at work till you're fired, having compulsive sex with exes who don't care about you. Why would you want to escape life? Life is everything! Nor did I want to escape who I was, no matter how fucked up. I was infinitely interested in strange me, in strange life.

In other words, what she doesn't believe in is numbing yourself to life, as her pill-popping, unhappy mother did. But when her divorce turns ugly and stressful (her husband attempts to use her no-holds-barred confessional writings as evidence of her unfit maternity) her doctor prescribes Xanax. And soon, she's hooked, taking higher doses, using Xanax and Valium first to get to sleep, then to get through the day. And she hates what she's become:

I was pathetic. Dependent, half-alive, secretive, accepting of the unacceptable. I didn't see it that way, because I was in too much of a haze to see much of anything. That's the problem with anti-anxiety medication: Its purpose is to help you ignore internal danger signals that aren't real. Once in its velvety thrall, however, how are you supposed to recognize the warning signs that are real?

And she gives it up, which is rough, but ultimately better than not feeling. Now, I have somewhat mixed feelings about this piece. On the one hand, yes, she had an addiction, as debilitating and unhealthy as any addiction. And it's great that she was able to kick it. On the other hand, I'm always wary of those with a unilateral scorn for prescription drugs, which is what Carver has. Last time I saw my mother, she took me aside for a "talk." It was the usual: maybe I should think about easing off my anti-depressants and take more "brisk walks." Really, she said "it's largely mental" and in our med-dependent culture, it's easy to ignore our body's natural resources. Well, maybe. But nature made me with insufficient endorphins in my adult brain. And before I went on medication I felt an inertia and a crushing sadness and a desire to quit that was profoundly unnatural. And an Ativan has knocked me out of more than one scary spiral of panic and despair. Unlike Carver, I've never been too into drugs - my native instability removed a lot of the appeal. But I'm prepared to take meds as long as I need to. To my mother and her forebears, though, this was something to be embarrassed by, an acknowledgment of weakness better overcome with the forementioned "brisk walks" and a dash of Puritan work ethic. It's not, as Carver says, glamorous; it's not voluntary or experimental. It still carries the taint, for many, of self-indulgence, of Valley of the Dolls-style decadence and indulgent Doctor Roberts tending to neuroses. Of Rush Limbaugh and Betty Ford, rather than Janis and Jimmy. And as a result, when I first started seeing a psychiatrist it was a period of tension between us, and for a long time I felt ashamed. My boyfriend, too, has the former-hippie's suspicion of the "chemical," and it took the undeniable proof of my improvement to resign either of them to the snake oils of Lexapro. It's still not something my mom and I talk about openly.

I guess I feel a sense of this attitude in Carver, both before she went on Xanax and after. And yes, she's right, we're an overmedicated culture. These are serious drugs, or they couldn't effect the changes, good and bad, they do. (As I tell a bored pharmacist every time I pay for a prescription, "Well, I guess I wouldn't want anything cheap in my brain!") Now, I know plenty of people who pop them indiscriminately - anything people have around, anything a hack will prescribe, do you have any leftover Vicodin from your wisdom tooth removal? - just for any momentary break from dull reality. And it's desperate and unhealthy and, unlike many other drugs, can coexist with the symptoms of a functional life. No one would take them if a brisk walk would do the same trick - for good and bad.
My Life In Xanax [Salon]

That could mean New York, where you'll need "a mani-pedi, neatly arched brows, and a blowout. But even if you look like Gisele, he'll wait a week to call you." Or how about LA, whose mores require that you "bronze everything and sport some serious cleavage" as well as removing all the hair from your body in order to hook a guy who will "respond to text messages in the middle of a conversation." Not willing to do all that maintenance for a man who won't provide you with the lifestyle you deserve? Instead, head down to Mexico and hook up with a drug cartel. You'll get designer sunglasses, unlimited manicures, and a closet full of guns! Sure, you might go to jail at some point, but you can probably get a reduced sentence, because you're "armed and gorgeous." Drug lord? Try drug babe!

The survey has 68 questions (all posed as statements) and is supposed to take 20 minutes. You're instructed to respond on a scale, with choices like "Totally Disagree, " "Very Slightly Disagree," "Strongly Agree" and "Totally Agree."

But: However loosely your moral compass is wound, it's pretty easy to cheat this test, since with many of the questions, it's so obvious how you should respond, if you want to get hired.

For instance, Question 13:

I have problems with long hours at work.

Who in their right mind — who really wants a job — is going to admit this?

Question 14:

Most employees get high on the job at one time or another.

Question 41:

Smoking a marijuana cigarette is the same as having a drink.

Question 5:

In previous jobs I've had problems getting to work on time, but that's behind me now.

Question 30:

Some people work as well slightly high as they do sober.

You know what? Some people do. Some people work better high. Are you going to say so when you want to work at Urban Outfitters? No. No, you are not.

Even more amusing are the questions about stealing. As you may know, Urban Outfitters has quite frequently been accused of ripping off other designers. (More here, here, here, here; and then there's an entire site called Urban Counterfeiters.)

But there were several questions hinting that prospective employees had better not even think about stealing from UO.

Question 32:

In some instances an employee who steals small items should be overlooked if he/she does an otherwise outstanding job.

Hey, I'm gonna work super hard and only walk out of here with some earrings. Or a purse. Hire me?

Question 55:

Most employees steal at one time or another.

Psst. Everybody's doing it. Hire me?

Question 44:

A person who takes $5.00 a year from his/her employer is a thief.

I steal, but only a little. Hire me?

Question 20:

In previous jobs I've stolen small items, but I will never do it again.

Unless I go back on crack. Hire me?

It would be really interesting to see how the creative types at Urban Outfitters — who knock off T-shirts, shoes and jewelry — and whose sister company, Anthropologie, doesn't like black people — would reply to these questions:

Question 24:

A company's policies and procedures should be followed without deviation.

Question 38:

Cheating is the way a majority of individuals succeed in business.

Question 23:

An employee should criticize his/her company when he/she believes it to be wrong.

But maybe the answers lie here:

Question 4:

A good employee should always support the organization when outsiders criticize it.

Question 7:

Some rules should be altered to fit the specific situation.

Related: Urban Counterfeiters
Earlier: Anthropologie Doesn't Care About Black People

"Common" isn't a word that tends to be associated with, well, any part of Michael Jackson's life. His troubled childhood was plagued with emotional cruelty and violence at the hands of his father, and his meteoric rise to fame put a kind of spotlight on him that he was unequipped to deal with.

At a press conference yesterday, Michael's brother Jermaine explained that Michael's personal physician was with him the time of his death, and that the doctor attempted to resuscitate him. TMZ is reporting that the doctor was actually living at Jackson's home, and is now missing. There are also allegations that this doctor was administering Demerol, intravenously, to Jackson on a daily basis. In hindsight, this abuse of medication seems obvious, given some of his conduct.

Jackson was a pioneer—he was one of the first to become a target of the constant chasing and intrusion of the paparazzi, which, at the height of his professional success, wasn't something that automatically came with the territory of celebrity. There was no real precedent for invasion of privacy at this level, so he had to pave a way out of out-of-control media relations that stars like Britney Spears would later encounter.

In 1997, shortly after the birth of his first child, he sat down for an interview with Barbara Walters. He discussed, at length, the pain he felt from media scrutiny. Babs asked him why — if he had such a problem with tabloids and paparazzi — he would sell official pictures of his newborn to a magazine. Jackson explained that it was his way of getting photographers - and helicopters they rode in - off his back and over his house. (He donated the profits from the shoot to charity.) Today, this is a common practice among celebrities.

Due to the obvious and drastic changes in his physical appearance over the years — coupled with bizarre reports of a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, pet monkey, and obsession with the Elephant Man — people thought Michael Jackson was a total weirdo. And in a sense, he was. But how could anyone expect that his experiences of an abusive childhood and exploited adulthood could ever breed stability?

People were attentive — yet not necessarily all that shocked — when, in 1993, he was accused of sexually abusing a 13-year-old boy. Dealing with the stress of the allegations led to Jackson's use of painkillers, Valium, Xanax, and Ativan. He became addicted, canceled his tour, checked into rehab, and settled the case out of court.

In 1995, Jackson and then-wife, Lisa Marie Presley, sat down for an interview with Diane Sawyer.

Looking back now, it was probably the most lucid we've seen him in the past 15 years, particularly when compared to his catastrophic interview sessions with Martin Bashir in 2002, for the special Living with Michael Jackson.

Soon after Bashir's special aired, Jackson was again accused of molesting another young boy. The trial, to put it mildly, was a circus, and his behavior went beyond the eccentricities that the public had grown accustomed to: He showed up late to court, even wore pajamas on one occasion, and danced on the roof of his car for fans outside the courthouse.

It should have been obvious to everyone that he was on drugs. But his public persona had become "the creepy freak," and an alternately adoring and disparaging public wanted to believe that he was insane, or delusional, or simply put, a "wacko." Perhaps he wasn't such a weirdo; maybe he was just really fucking high.

The irony, of course, is that the applause he received from his performances turned into jeers and heckles on the public stage. Even if his recent drug use is purely speculation at this point, it's undeniable that Jackson was always chasing the high of fame. His death, like much of his life, is tragic. And, unfortunately, for superstar celebrities, that's par for the course.

Michael Jackson Doctor — MIA [TMZ]
Jackson Family Feared Morphine OD [TMZ]
Earlier: Jackson Family Spokesman: "This Is A Case Of Abuse Of Medications"

Earlier: Jacksons' Attorney Describes Scene At Hospital, Michael's Drug Abuse

According to a report by Bonnie Rochman,

As recently as 20 years ago, some in the medical community were still using the male body as their research prototype and extrapolating for women. The approach, as summarized by Anne Drapkin Lyerly, an obstetrician and bioethicist at Duke University, was "If you happen to have boobs and a uterus, then we'll adjust things."

These days, women are included (the "First Wave"), but, Rochman points out, more data on pregnant women is needed. That's why "an élite group" of 30 doctors, ethicists, scientists and government officials gathered in Washington this spring to launch a movement they're calling the Second Wave of clinical research.

As Rochman notes, Chronic illnesses like depression, diabetes and hypertension don't magically disappear during pregnancy. And more and more women are having children later in life, increasing the chances that they have other health problems. How you you weigh the benefits of certain drugs for the mother versus the health risk to the fetus? Given shifts in her metabolism and weight gain, what is what is the appropriate dosage for a mom-to-be? And, of course, what issues arise regarding testing drugs on pregnant women?

"Everyone thinks, Oh, my God, research on pregnant women! All kinds of ethical flags go up," says Ruth Faden, director of the Berman Institute of Bioethics at Johns Hopkins University. "We don't have to start with high drama." There's enough "low-hanging fruit," she says, "that we could keep lots of medical researchers busy for a long time."

Understanding the Risks (and Rewards) of Pills and Pregnancy [Time]

While the colors and the patterns on these swimsuits are fun — and there's certainly more fabric here than in the entire Lucky shoot — the bloomer-ish bottoms make me think of "full" diapers.

I definitely had a windbreaker like this as a kid. And hey, look! An Asian model! Is the 1972 Sears catalog more diverse than Vogue?

Is it the insanely long crotch, the slight flare, or the sea-sick colors that make these jeans "nautical" ?

The Asian girl seems to be saying, "How come everyone here looks like Jan Brady except for me?"

Wow, strawberries! On pockets! Far out!

The young lady with the megacollar purple shirt is saying to her friend with the apple belt, "Mary Jo is always opening her skirt. What a slut."

"Hahaha, anyone know any good sailor jokes?"

Did you know that 1972 was the Year of the Dress? Apparently, it was also the year of red, white and blue. And gingham. And hideousness.

SOMEONE ALERT KANYE WEST!!!1!!!! Yeezy: The gauntlet has been thrown. It's your move.

Ah, "The Rugged Ones," for roughing it, out there in the harsh terrain of the strip mall.

"No way, Jose, my dad sells way more used cars than your dad."

I'm just going to go ahead and point out the fact that the kids with brown skin are not, repeat NOT in the hero cowboy gear. Instead, they get some sad buckskins they probably traded some land for. Really, though: It's not the '70s unless there's a dude with an Afro in a Native-American-influenced getup. See: Jimi Hendrix. And Cochise from The Warriors.

So, which drugs were popular in 1972? Marijuana? Shrooms? LSD? Is there another explanation for these pants?

Check out the saucy minx in the middle, exposing her yellow leg for all to see! Slow down, you move too fast.

"Special" is a good word for it. A '70s-PC way of saying, "more likely to get beat up on the playground," no?

"Elementary, my dear Watson. And by 'elementary,' I mean 'elementary school.' Where I will be going… someday."

Finally! A situation in which jumpsuits are appropriate. The pink "bubble" sunsuit on that little girl, however, still brings to mind dirty diapers.

And look! Speaking of poop: While she tries to hold it in, the elephant just lets loose!

Earlier: The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

The Best & Worst Of 'International Male,' Summer 1986
The International Male 1986 Holiday Catalog: The Recockulous Jackpot!

As mentioned yesterday, Orobator was arrested in August, 2008 at the Wattay Airport. It is believed that she was trying to leave Laos for the UK, and officials say that Orobator was carrying 680g of heroin (Laotian law requires the execution of anyone caught with over 500g of heroin). Like everything else in this case, Orobator's guilt is unclear. It has been reported that Orobator claims she was forced into carrying the drugs, while the Telegraph said yesterday that Orobator denies the drugs were hers.

Orobator has still not met with a lawyer, and the legal charity Reprieve says that they have been refused access to Orobator. Anna Morris arrived in Laos on Sunday, yet was barred from speaking with her and told that Orobator will be appointed a local lawyer. Morris said: "She hasn't been appointed a lawyer yet and that has been our concern. We are concerned that any hearing may be quite quick in comparison to what will happen in other countries."

Laotian officials have claimed that they will not execute the pregnant woman, because it is against the law to kill expectant prisoners. Laos government spokesman Khenthong Nuanthasing told the BBC: "We would not sentence a pregnant woman to the death penalty." Claire Algar, a lawyer from Reprieve, said she is "encouraged" by this news, but adds, "She will only remain pregnant for the next however-many months." (As Amnesty International reported last year, no one has been executed in Laos since 1989, although, like everything else in this story, there has been a conflicting report that the last execution occurred in 1990. Furthermore, the British government hopes that it will be able to reach a prisoner exchange agreement with Laos: Foreign Office Minister Bill Rammell is expected to raise the issue on Thursday when he meets with the Laotian deputy prime minister.)

The circumstance of Orobator's pregnancy is still a mystery. Some have reported that she became pregnant in December, while other sources place the date of conception somewhere in January. Laotian officials claim that Orobator was pregnant when she was arrested, however, they also say that she lost the fetus during her time in prison. Nuanthasing said officials are investigating Orobator's current pregnancy and also claims, in a response emailed to the Associated Press, that "the Lao Government never denied ... access to Samantha" and that the group should recognize Laos "has its own law and rules."

The stay of execution, of course, raises some difficult questions: isn't there something slightly unsettling about the logic behind the law, which essentially states that Orobator's life is only worth saving because she is pregnant? That the fetus she is carrying in her womb has a greater value than her own person? And, as Algar points out, she will not be pregnant forever: This is only a temporary "fix", and one that continues to ignore Orobator's rights while granting certain privileges to the contents of her uterus.

Laos Mum-To-Be Denied UK Lawyer [BBC]
Pregnant Briton To Escape Death Penalty In Laos [CNN]
Mother Of British Woman Facing Death Penalty In Laos Pleads For Her Release [Telegraph]
Laos: Pregnancy Means Briton Won't Face Execution [AP]

Earlier: Pregnant Briton May Face Firing Squad in Laos

Unfortunately, her high school has a zero-tolerance policy on drugs. Students have been penalized for ibuprofen to sunscreen. Students across Virginia face expulsion if they carry in any "controlled substance" regulated by the federal government or even any "imitation controlled substance," which includes virtually any prescription pill. Some have criticized this harsh policy, which dictates the same punishment for a student who takes their birth control during school hours as one who brings a gun onto school property. "To put birth control in the same category as illegal drugs or handguns stigmatizes responsible behavior," said Deb Hauser of Advocates for Youth. The suspended teen, who wishes to remain anonymous, has asked her school to reexamine the regulations so that other students will not "needlessly suffer" as she has. [Washington Post]

New research suggests that middle-aged women who take a multivitamin are just creating expensive urine, as there is no sign the pills reduce common cancers, heart disease or death, reports the Wall Street Journal. Results of the largest multivitamin study in postmenopausal women ever conducted were published yesterday in The Archives of Internal Medicine. Researchers analyzed data from 161,808 women between the ages of 50 and 79 who participated in the Women's Health Initiative, a government-funded clinical trial that studied the women's health for eight years on average.

The study found that there were few differences in disease outcomes between vitamin and nonvitamin users, and recommended that women focus on getting nutrients from the foods they eat, not vitamins. An excess of water soluble vitamins (whether from food or supplements) is excreted, but excess fat soluble vitamins like A, D, E, and K, are stored in the liver and can cause negative side effects. "Based on our results, if you fall into the category of the women described here and you do in fact have an adequate diet, there really is no reason to take a multivitamin," said researcher Dr Sylvia Wassertheil-Smoller, according to The Independent.

While multivitamins may not be helpful or harmful in most cases, today, the Food and Drug Administration is issuing warnings in its continuing investigation into weight loss supplements, according to The New York Times. StarCaps have been promoted by professional football players, featured on the Today show, and sold in vitamin stores without a prescription, as a natural papaya-based dietary supplement. But now the FDA has found that the pills also contain an unlisted ingredient: a pharmaceutical drug call bumetanide, which has dangerous side effects.

In addition to StarCaps, the F.D.A. has found that dozens of weight-loss supplements, most of them imported from China, contain hidden and possibly harmful drugs. The warnings have already prompted recalls by some distributors and an F.D.A. spokeswoman says the agency will issue a longer list of brands that are spiked with drugs in the next few weeks. The current list includes 69 tainted weight-loss supplements, which were marketed under names like Sliminate, Superslim, and Slim Up. The undeclared drugs could cause problems like elevated blood pressure or seizures, and may have toxic interactions with other medications.

The F.D.A. investigation is raising questions about the way dietary supplements are regulated. Unlike drugs, which must be approved before they go on sale, the agency can only spot check supplements after they've go on the market. Even when contaminated products are discovered, the F.D.A. can't remove the pills from stores. It must first try to get the manufacturers to issue a recall, and eventually if the companies do nothing it can seize the products or file criminal charges. The F.D.A. admits there may be hundreds of contaminated drugs on store shelves that they just haven't identified yet.

[Image via Flickr.]

Vitamins Fail to Reduce Health Risks for Women [The Wall Street Journal]
Multivitamin Supplements A Waste Of Time [The Independent]
F.D.A. Finds ‘Natural' Diet Pills Laced With Drugs [The New York Times]