Shades of gray are gorgeous, so is the wind-swept scenery. Too bad it's so humid right now that merely looking at that sweater is giving me hives.

Ah, to be a well-tailored writer, pensive at a typewriter, instead of a muumuu-wearing blogger, snarky at a Mac.

This silk ruffled cami is so pretty, even if you're feeling ixnay on the paper-bag waist skirt. Of course, on some people, a silk cami means underarm sweat stains, and a general feeling of discomfort, but that's neither here nor there.

Look at all the colors!

"Jenna's picks" are predictably pale, soft and ladylike; but any whimpering you may hear is me, wanting that "Libretto" necklace very badly. (Click "full size" to enlarge photo.)

Whimper. Whimper. Whine. Whine.

Maybe I'm closed-minded and behind the times, but when I see these doo-doo brown, misshapen, ortho-fug shoes, one word comes to mind, and that word is: Ew. (Then I see the $225 price tag, and I think: LOL.)

These shorts are pictured with herringbone tights and just one of several pairs of shorts shown with tights. Is this the part of the anti-pants agenda?

More shorts with tights, modeled by someone who looks like Jennifer Jason Leigh in Fast Times.

What we have here, friends is some "creative" styling. She is wearing rhinestones and sweatpants. But that's not all! The caption reads: "Paris Drawstring Pant. Our stylist cut these off and rolled them up." I think it looks ridiculous, but apparently they consider it a serving suggestion?

Once you get over the fact that it's preposterous to purchase something which has already been destroyed, decide if J. Crew is trying to push thinspiration: These jeans are "matchstick"; the ones on the next page are "toothpick": and they are all set off by "superskinny" belts.

How do this dress and these shoes work together, unless she is headed to a prom slash pow wow?

Ew. There's the Ew Shoe. It is Ew.

The wedding/party dresses always manage to be light, ethereal, feminine and cut curiously small in the bust.

But the colors! The colors are fresh and juicy.

Although this is more like what I would wear if I still Ieft the house.

Hey look! Free shipping on multi-culti kids! (Click "full size" to enlarge photo.)

Time to place an order.

[J. Crew]

Earlier: Summer At J. Crew: Pretty, Pastel, Pricey
The WASPiest Items In "Vineyard Vines"
5 Hideous Things Urban Outfitters Wants You To Wear This Summer
May Anthropologie Catalog: Totally Watered Down

The simple yet brilliant idea was dreamed up by one Andrew Jones, an automotive industry consultant whose wife "had" to fly to New York from Palm Beach to make sure she'd have a unique getup for some charity function. According to Politico, " the site includes a place where users can log the designer, color, length, neckline description, material and other characteristics of their dresses. There's even a spot to upload a photo."

So far a hundred ladies have registered gowns — understandable when you consider that Laura Bush had to change when she showed up at the 2006 Kennedy Center honors to find three other dames in the same Oscar de la Renta. (And shouldn't the protocol have been for the other ladies to change? Maybe she lived closer.) After all, there are only so many beaded, mother-of-the-bride apropos Washington-style dresses in the world! The Star-Telegram confirms the frump factor: "Registered dresses are mostly ankle length, many with plunging necklines. Labels range from an ankle-length blue dress by Banana Republic to a scoop-neck, to-the-floor ivory gown by Halston. Shades of purple, orange and red seem to outnumber the old classic, black."

While the success of the scheme obviously depends on everyone registering their outfits - which we simply can't see grandes dames of a certain age doing — it's a smart modification of something some upscale stores have been doing for years; and what is, after all, standard practice for designers. In order for the concept to really take off, it will probably have to work in concert with those populations. Actually, while we can see how it would make sense for a press-heavy event like the inauguration, the natural market for something like this seems to be high school proms. Think about it: a tech-savvy population drawing on a much smaller pool of options, with probably more humiliating duplication consequences. Can you imagine the rush to claim the choicest Betsey Johnsons, the pouffiest Jessica McClintock? While this would obviously lead to a few brats putting dibs on numerous dresses and then making a decision at the last second, well, who's to say some senator's wife isn't doing the exact same thing? The internet can bring out some people's dark sides.

DressRegistry.com [Official Site]
Web Site Lets Women Register Their Inaugural Dresses [Star-Telegram]

Say Bye Bye To Dress Duplicates [Politico]

The style bible asked several children's wear designers to imagine inauguration ensembles for the First Daughters. The styles range between colorful skirts and classic, full-skirted dresses — there's even a black velvet pinafore of sorts — but all of the sketches (except for the Bonnie Young evening gowns) seem rather old-fashioned.

(At left, a design by Lucy Sykes; center, a dress by Olive Juice; right, coats by Best & Co.)

Sasha, 7, and Malia, 10, are modern young ladies, not porcelain dolls. Yes, they should look classic, yes, they should look appropriate. But isn't there something antiquated or passé about a little girl in a dress with a Sound Of Music bow at the waist? Clearly, velour pants with "Juicy" emblazoned across the ass would not be appropriate. But. If their father is running on a platform of change, couldn't that be represented in Sasha and Malia's style?

Inauguration '09: And for the Girls..., Obama Girls Influence Style [WWD]
Earlier: The Politics Of Style: An Obama-Inspired Shopping Spree At J. Crew
Imagine: A Project Runway Inauguration Dress For Michelle Obama

Says DVF, "It has been a unique phenomenon...What was new about my wrap dress was that I did it in jersey and therefore it molded the body and it was very flattering to the body." She told the Huffington Post in January,

The wrap dress is the most traditional form of dressing: It's like a robe, it's like a kimono, it's like a toga. It doesn't have buttons or zippers. What made it different was that it was jersey; therefore, it was close to the body and it was a print. And the first one was animal print so it made every woman look like a feline.

Adds a fan, "They make me feel not only sexy, but successful, sophisticated and timeless."

Well, that's great. And I know that's certainly the party line on the wrap, but while I've been dutifully adhering to the doctrine for years — primarily in knockoff form, but in a few second-hand cases, for reals — I'm not sure how true it is. While the wrap is certainly good for traveling — it's compact and doesn't wrinkle —- more often than not when I wear one I'm left feeling lumpy and exposed, and rather than striding around with liberating 1970s confidence, I find myself self-consciously tugging and adjusting the low neckline and skimpy skirt, and find that sitting down is an ordeal. Where, yes, a wrap works with curves, it also slides between breasts in a conspicuous fashion and the belt can cut in a way that's less than flattering to anyone with any flesh at all. What's more, a cami can spoil the line — not to mention show under the unforgiving jersey — and I've often been at the mercy of fashion tape, safety pins and even last-minute tacking. Theoretically wraps are adjustable and the jersey stretchy, but I find the typical dress dilemma —- if it fits in one place it's too small on top, or vice versa — to only be magnified in a wrap, where I've experienced both dangerously loose bodices and frumpily bagging skirts, both of which kind of defeat the alleged "easy sexiness" of the design.

The thing is, I love the cut of DVF's clothes (well, in dressing rooms, anyway) and her colorful textiles and she looks absolutely stunning in her creation. In theory, I still love it, and I've tried for years. But easy and flattering? Not in my experience. A-lines are easy. Structure is flattering. Wrap dresses, save for a lucky few, are an optimistic myth that we all love too much to give up, not least cause we've been told for so long that it was The Answer. What say you?

*Update: Someone v fashionable just sent me this possibly-invaluable tip: "The girls at DVF told me to wear it backwards - so you have a boatneck in front and a plunging v in the back. Way sexy and great for girls with boobs."

Dear DVF fans: What is it about that dress? [CNN]
Diane von Furstenberg On Wrap Dresses And The Joys Of Aging Gracefully [Huffington Post]

[Image via Huffington Post]

Dress1
The first was from Urban Outfitters. I bought it the August before my freshman year of college: a synthetic black party dress with a vaguely '70s cut, sweetheart neck and an attached Lycra underdress. The moment I put The Dress on, I saw in the mirror the college woman I wanted to be: not the nerdy, frowsy frump who'd been ignored by a high school crush and shopped for clothes with my mom at the local Salvation Army, but a sophisticated woman of the world with a vaguely curvaceous figure. I first wore The Dress to a New York event for entering students, and as I donned it I donned too the new persona: confident and assured. I wore The Dress every chance I got. I am convinced The Dress netted me a boyfriend. I wore it to parties and lectures, in New York and Chicago, whenever I needed to feel pretty or adult or confident. Being cheap, the dress quickly showed the effects of this wear and before long its sleek lines were marred by the lumpy proof of my inexpert repairs. But its magic remained undimmed. Then, one day when I was 21, I lost the dress. I don't know how, or where, except that it was somewhere in London. But The Dress's work was done, and it had disappeared, never to be seen again.

Dress 2
It was three years before I found The Dress's heir apparent. Dress2 was a more sophisticated affair altogether; in fact, it was the most expensive single piece of clothing I'd ever owned. It was brown wool, severely tailored, with a tulip skirt that clung and then flared, and a high neckline saved from dowdiness by a keyhole and a series of gold buttons at neck and wrist. I coveted Dress2 for months before saving up enough to buy it on sale. Dress2 entered my life around the time I took an office job, and it seemed to me the perfect uniform for an efficient and asexual Girl Friday. Dress2 became my trademark around the office, and lent itself to the slightly arcane wisecracking patois I favored at that period. My boyfriend was out of the country that year, and I liked that the dress signaled that I was independent and unavailable. Dress2 made me feel like a million bucks. Then one day my boss showed up at work. "I have a new dress," she said casually, and removed her coat to reveal - Dress2. Albeit on a taller and altogether more stunning frame. I was dumbfounded and hurt. I retired Dress2 and got another job. In due course, Dress2 also disappeared. In a move, perhaps? I combed my apartment for weeks hoping it might turn up, but its work, too, was done.

Dress 3
Dress3 came into my life at an especially low point. For the past few months I'd been nursing a badly broken heart. I was scrawny and ill-groomed. For my birthday, the owner of the clothing shop where I worked gave me Dress3. I'd been coveting it for months, but broke from getting my own place, I'd been unable to do more than gaze at it longingly. When I opened the box and saw Dress3 staring up at me, tears came to my eyes. It was the beginning of a new era. Dress3 is the most utilitarian of the three. It's a denim shirtwaist dress with a faint primary-colored check and a sash. Dress3 is a sleeper: you don't notice it, just the woman beneath. When I first got it, I wore it everywhere, at least three days a week. When I started dating, I wore it for dates. I was wearing it when I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. I was wearing it when I had my first kiss with the guy to whom I'm now engaged. And when I met his family. It's getting worn around the edges now, but I still reach for it whenever I need to feel confident or need an outfit that expresses just who I am, right now. I fear that one day soon Dress3 is going to disappear, which is part of the reason I've done the unprecedented and taken its picture for posterity. (It is pictured above.) That said, I'm keeping a close eye on it.

So I kept eating. And eating. And eating. No jean zipper to worry about. No stomach to stick out. No problem. Wearing this dress, I ate about 2,000 calories more than I normally would.

Right. This makes so much sense. It's sort of like when you don't wear underwear you can't help but piss all over the house and try to fuck everyone you meet. Except, you know, we don't actually have that problem. We like babydoll dresses because they are comfy, unslutty and they remind us of a time when commercial radio was good and we did not know there was such a place as the "Hamptons."

Baby Blues [NY Post]

...they're all on the same tall, skinny model!

Lucky
Related: Swimsuit Makeovers! [Glamour]

• Karl Lagerfeld has commissioned 15 contemporary artists to create works inspired by his iconic quilted Chanel bag for a two-year touring exhibit. Kind of interesting how iconic handbags are like the Virgin Mary of now. Maybe in twenty years people will be seeing Hermes Birkin bags in their grilled cheese sandwiches and selling them on eBay. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• The dress will remain the dominant fashion trend through Spring 2008, according to the owner of luxury retailer Louis Boston, who makes some weird reference to American global hegemony. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Dooney & Bourke releases a line of bags named for Emma Roberts (Julia's niece and current star of "Nancy Drew"), with prices ranging from $210 to $235. Remember how when you were reading Nancy Drew, you thought $215 was like, enough to buy a house? Ah, kids today! [WWD, 1st item]
  
• It's a boy for supermodel Eva Herzigova and her Italian businessman common law husband. Remember how she did all those Wonderbra ads, haha? Lactation jokes never get old! [Vogue UK]
  
• Fashion muse Isabella Blow's widower Detmar hopes to create a museum to house his late wife's extensive clothing collection, is "hoping all the people she helped in her life will cough up some money to get this up and running." Ooh, subtle! [Vogue UK]
  
• Why should European luxury brands expand in China and India when there are still soooo many [brace yourselves! Fave word alert!] aspirational middle Americans stuck with Coach? [Fashion Inc.]

Bargains include 40% off this Cynthia Steffe Pintuck Dress

30% off this leather Kate Spade maddox tote:

And 33% off these Stuart Weitzman 'Itgirl' sandals:

And while you're there, don't forget that blind senile 88-year-old aunt of yours: