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If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?

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That_little_attention_whore
12/14/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
I object to the concept of "creating the 'ideal' X" as much as anyone else, but if there was a way to transplant Nate Silver's brain into the body of one of those Serbian waterpolo guys, well, that would be science worth funding, is all I'm saying here.
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sassy
12/13/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
it's funny thing article is here, because i was thinking about this sort of stuff yesterday. my current boyfriend and i have this very calm, almost old married couple relationship, and it is such a drastic change from all of my past ones, which were full of screaming fights and throwing things and all of that "trash novels make it seem necessary" relationship shit.

but the boy i'm with now is a completely different personality type entirely, that i couldn't have expected to like. i had a schoolgirl crush on him for 3.5 years before we started dating, but i don't know when it turned from "he looks like rivers cuomo" to more.
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MrsChuckBass
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Chuck Bass.

Ok, ok, I guess I HAVE to say that.

But srsly, here are some qualities I wouldn't mind all on the same man:

Tattooed, vegan, feminist, non stoner, burly, loves animals, artist/creative type, graduate degree. If you love metal, that is good, too.

Obviously, if a man I am crazy about is only part of that list, that would be ok, too.
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
12/12/08

@MrsChuckBass: You sounds like someone I know from another online forum. Hmm. I wonder if you are who I think you are.
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MrsChuckBass
12/12/08

@Mrs. Stephen Fry aka MonkeySeeMonkeyDo: Which one?
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
12/12/08

@MrsChuckBass: Jane Magazine, old school? Yes, no, maybe?
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MrsChuckBass
12/12/08

@Mrs. Stephen Fry aka MonkeySeeMonkeyDo: Nah, not me, unfortunately. Hope the comparison is a good one, though! :)
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
12/12/08

@MrsChuckBass: Oh, absolutely! I was delighted to have crossed paths with her again. Crossing paths with you, however, is just as nice.
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Mrs. Stephen Fry
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
I loved this post, Dodai. Lovely.
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stealthird
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Since almost all of the really hot guys I've known turned out to be idiots, it would be great if their brains could be recalibrated...you just solder in some new resistors, hook up a cable, load some new software, and Bing! Dumb Hot Guy becomes Junot Diaz. Score.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
I never even considered for a second that "the perfect man" even existed. Past relationship had me convinced that while it's possible to love someone a whole lot, including their faults, it would never be a 100% kinda thing. Like I loved him the majority of the time we were together, but sometimes I really disliked him. There were just some things about him that I knew, deep down, were never going to change. I was ready to resign myself to this because I really did love him and we'd been together for 6 years. My reason for staying the course was that I felt like the good outweighed the bad. Towards the end of the relationship, I finally figured out that I was only staying out of a reluctance to hurt him, because he'd always been so good to me, but at the same time he'd never really be what I wanted. So....I gave up on it and let him go. Then I had "me-time" for a few years. And then last year, I met mr. terrible. And now I really do know that there is such a thing as the perfect match. It sounds ridiculous/delusional, but there really isn't a single thing I'd ever change about him. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, but we truly are perfect together. He and I are very different, and I think that's one of the reasons we go together so well. He's the only person I've ever met who can make me miss him when he's in another part of our house. People are amazed at us, because we are literally together 24hrs a day, and we don't fight or annoy eachother. we are genuinely happy with constantly being within shouting distance of one another. He's like my right hand, and I his. Not to gag anyone, but sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to pee (more likely i woke myself up because I farted, srsly) and I realize that he's sleeping next to me, and I almost have to pinch myself. I love his voice, his smell, his feet, his furry little cupcake butt, and he doesn't ever mention my night-farts because he knows how embarassed I'd be. God I love him.
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rollergirl76
12/12/08

@terribletwenties aka Aesop's Foibles: This is incredibly sweet, but reading this after dealing with what I'm dealing with today, I want to shoot myself now. It's nice to know it's out there, at least.

*ties noose*
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Cafezinha
12/12/08

@rollergirl76: No noose!

You're my only friend on Jezebel. I'll be turrrrribly lonely without you.
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rollergirl76
12/12/08

@Cafezinha: How can that be?! You are wonderful.

Ladies, befriend this fellow awesome Jezzie!

No noose, but I can't wait to go home and drink wine until I fall down and pass out in a sloppy heap on the couch. My ex (whom I live with right now) keeps going through my shit. I have NO privacy. I had to change all my passwords, and yet he's still finding out shit about me meeting up with a guy I used to date. It's driving me up the frigging wall. Today, I received e-mail after e-mail about what a liar I am and how I never cared about him. I'm trying to help him out by not leaving him high and dry with the rent until we get out of the lease, and he's being a fucking jerkoff. I hate men.
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Cafezinha
12/12/08

@rollergirl76: Well, in fairness, it's because you're the only person I've 'added' back. I have gathered a handful of followers, which doesn't help my delusions of grandeur very much.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/12/08

@rollergirl76: Move while you are still sane. I went through almost a year of trying to cut off contact with my ex because I felt guilty about simply never replying, but he was turning into a crazy harasser. I'm sure the logistics make it extremely complicated, but it will be so much healthier for you both if you split.
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LadyFabulous
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
I wrote a short story about this topic once. There had been a war between men and women, women won and a female scientist had created this giant machine that basically reprogramed men to be what was concidered ideal. They obviously ended up with a world of Stepfordian males. Anyway, the Dr ends up reuniting with her ex husband and fakes his test results so it looks like he went through the reprogramming process and... well, stuff happens.

I wonder where that story is actually...
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Jack_Burton
12/12/08

@LadyFabulous: Sounds cool - would make a great animated short film!
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LaMorena
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Hmm, I'd start with Clive Owen's body, add Clive Owen's face, Clive Owen's accent, Clive Owen's style...
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rollergirl76
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
My dream man would look like Christian Bale, be as funny as Charlie Day, would have a huge dick, loves cats, wants to spend as much time with my family as me, and does not look through my e-mails, Facebook messages, or text messages. A girl can dream, can't she?
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mebekah
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
This reminds me of the movie May. Out of loneliness she uses various parts of people to create a friend. A great horror flick!
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Jack_Burton
12/12/08

@mebekah: May was GREAT!
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quatrevingtquatre
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Jim + Mr. Darcy/Mark Darcy + Jon Hamm = thatonegirlsays' perfect man.

But, as it stands now, I mostly just have the emotionally retarded bits mixed with a dark and mysterious past. Also, calling me up for things that are suspiciously like dates but saying they're NOT dates and that we're not dating (weekends away, fancy dinner, symphony).
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rollergirl76
12/12/08

@thatonegirlsays: HUBBA HUBBA
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chatterboxwriting
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
I wouldn't, because I think perfection would get annoying after a while. I would like to cobble together the best parts of my exes and my male friends into one person, though. I'd end up with someone who:

Likes to have fun
Can actually wash dishes so that they are CLEAN (my last ex would "help" by doing the dishes, and then I'd have to re-wash ALL of them the next day because they all had food stuck to them)
Has a steady job or is self-employed
Likes animals
Is kind and gentle
Doesn't cheat
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msAnthrope
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
absolutely NO. part of what makes me and my partner so good together are the places where we're different... there's a bit of tension that keeps things new and interesting instead of a placid friendship.

we've been together for 10 years and i'm still not bored with him, still look forward to when he comes home from work. i never would have created him: at the time i met him, he wasn't the physical type i thought i needed. he's blond, younger than me and had some personal beliefs i disagree with. but he was exactly right for me.
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hellosunshine
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Yes.

(I'm a little grumpy when it comes to relationships these days.)
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hellosunshine
12/12/08

@hellodarling!: (Also because my perfect guy is one of my guy friends, and I am coupled, he's far away and hell, I don't even think he likes me. Though he did offer to do The Naked Man for me.)
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
12/12/08

@hellodarling!: Naked Man works 2 out of 3 times.
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roslyn taber
12/12/08

@hellodarling!: what's the Naked Man?
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hellosunshine
12/14/08

@roslyn taber: It's a particularly hilarious bit from "How I Met Your Mother" :)
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taranwanderer
12/12/08

In reply to If You Could, Would You Cobble Together Your Dream Man?
Hmmm...while everyone is making excellent points, I have a few things on my list that I cannot possibly do without. I know these deal-breakers may mean that no man may ever fit, but I've accepted that. I can't help it; these qualities are too important to me.
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