1.) Chris Brown loves women.
He appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today to continue The Remorse Tour '09.

2.) The Unveiling of Charla Nash
Charla—who had her hands and face gruesomely torn off by her friend's pet chimp—was interviewed by Oprah this week. Her eyes were lost in the attack, so she hasn't seen what she looks like.

Also, while I generally love primates, the one who attacked Charla looks like an asshole.

3.) Slade's smiley

4.) Ben Affleck's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm
If you blink, you'll miss him.

5.) Tabloid stars collide

On The Insider this week, Jon Gosselin was giving Levi Johnston some "parenting advice." Earlier in the week on the same show, he went into some detail about his responsibility as a parent.

And he also talked shit on Kate's hair and kissing skills.

6.) Speaking of hair…
This kid has been suspended from school for getting an elaborate design shaved into his head. He is not allowed to return unless he shaves the rest of his head. His parents are supporting his "freedom of expression." Judging from the way he speaks, this kid needs a lot more school, and a little less expression.

7.) Men blame everything on our periods!

8.) This:

9.) Stephanie Pratt is growing on me.

10.) "It's important for women to stick together."
Faux-minism is not the answer for tackling double standards, when you don't even know what "double standards" are.

• Emma Watson has arrived at Brown University… And so have the paparazzi:

That's why there are these pix of her super-casual and hanging with other students on the quad of the Rhode Island campus. [Daily Mail]

• Following reports of an assault, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman says he did not hurt Tila Tequila and was only trying to restrain her from leaving his home while she was drunk. Merriman's statement reads: "I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided." But Tila called 911 and she signed a citizen's arrest form alleging that Merriman choked and restrained her. [LA Times]
• Tila Tequila's Twitter feed has more than 243,000 followers, and following the incident, she tweeted that she was safe at home and thanked fans for their concern. But she added: "I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila 'Tequila' cuz the irony. I can't drink." Which seems to dispute Shawne Merriman's take on the incident. Later she tweeted: "I am only 93 pounds and 4'ft 11...." [CNN, TMZ]
• Shawne Merriman's lawyer says other people were in the house at the time of the incident and "witness after witness after witness will back up his story 100 percent." [CNN]
• Shawne Merriman says of his alleged assault on Tila Tequila: "We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I'm still glad I did what I did." [NY Post]
• Lindsay Lohan is such a big True Blood fan that she posted this picture of herself wearing a studded choker and vampire fangs on her Twitter with the words "my dream." Is she trying to audition? [NY Daily News]
• Tyra Banks is talking about her decision to appear without a weave or extensions on Tomorrow's episode of her show: "I feel like it's my responsibility. I've shown myself with no makeup, cellulite on my butt, untouched photos of myself, but I haven't really shown my hair.
  "It's a mystery. People are like, 'Does she have any hair?' Young girls come up to me all the time and say, 'I want to look like you, be like you.' I want to show them what I really look like." [Digital Spy via Entertainment Tonight]
• More from Tyra: "It's just me coming straight out of the shower with wet hair. My hairdresser's going to do my hair live on stage." Tyra is also launching an online "magazine," Tyra: Beauty Inside & Out. "I'm really interested in helping women take control of their futures, take control of their destiny. One of my lines in my manifesto on the Web site is to be the CEO of your own life, be in control of your own life," she says. [AP]
• Tyra made Perez Hilton promise he wouldn't mock celebrities under the age of 18, and in return she invited him to be a guest judge on ANTM. A few days later, Perez mocked 15-year-old Tallulah Willis. [Gatecrasher]
• Lady Gaga was doing lots of coke when her dad gave her a talking to: "My father is a really powerful man, a telecom guy. So he looked at me one day and said, 'You're fuckin' up, kid.' And I looked at him and thought, 'How does he know that I'm high right now?' And he never said a word about the drugs, not one word. But he said, 'I just wanna tell you that anyone you meet while you're like this, and any friend that you make in the future while you are with this thing, you will lose.' And we never talked about it again." [Daily Mail]
• Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy: Reunited and it feels so good? [Telegraph]
• Dr. Oz is leaving Oprah Winfrey for his own talk show. Junk food is banned backstage and his show will focus on health "hot topics" like weight loss and swine flu. "There is no question we can save lives every day if we can motivate people to do what we're talking about. The challenge isn't what to say - because we know that - the challenge is how to say it so people are motivated." [AP]
• Plots near Michael Jackson's final resting place at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale have gone up $2,000 to $3,000 each; one person who owns a unit near MJ"s crypt is asking $34,000 for a double unit inside Jackson's mausoleum. Can't take it with you. [TMZ]
• Randy Jackson says that a helicopter "severely disrupted" Michael Jackson's funeral. [NY Daily News]
• Ralph Fiennes presented Vanessa Redgrave — Natasha Richardson's mother — with a lifetime achievement gong at the Harper's Bazaar magazine's Women Of The Year Awards, saying he had a "great friendship" with Richardson and calling Redgrave a woman of "truth, of loyalty, of integrity, of passion, of compassion." [Mirror]
• Singer Leona Lewis' cousin Adrian Henry, who has a previous conviction for rape, has just been sentenced to six years for robbing a "hard working family." [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton: Spotted outside of a gym with a bag of McDonald's, talking to someone who looked like a trainer and saying, "Do I have to?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin's "family day" was interrupted by an ambulance visit: His grandmother fell in his driveway. She'll be fine. (Those of us sick of Gosselin updates, on the other hand…) [E!]
• Jon Gosselin was convinced that Kate Gosselin was hiding a large sum of money in a "secret trust." His attorney gave her a deadline to reveal where the money is, and she complied: The cash is currently in a trust for the children's future. [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin on Kate Gosselin: "I don't trust her anymore. I was abused ... I was beaten down ... I'm not going back to that life style." And! "In 10 years, I've never gone out... When she said, 'I don't want you going out,' I ... I used to say, 'OK, I'm not going to go out.' I was very passive. This is the first time I said, 'You know what? I want to see my friends. I'm going out. That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate... I just felt like I had to take back some time in my life, and I did it. And I felt really good. I made my own decision... I was beaten down for so long, I couldn't even make my own decision. And when I did, I was like, holy cow! You know? Yeah, what's she gonna do? Divorce me? All right. Obviously. You know." Plus: "My mom and my brothers, they say to me, 'It's so good to have the real Jon back. It's so good to have the warm, loving, kind, caring person that we knew you when you were ... before you got married.' I've changed for her. Because I loved her ... But don't forget who you are. That's what happened to me." More from his Good Morning America interview with Chris Cuomo at the link. [Us Magazine]
• Jon Gosselin: "I can't sit on the sofa with that woman. I can't sit on someone right now that I despise." [GMA/ABC News]
• The tattoo parlor in New York where Rihanna inked a few people (her tattoo artist, BangBang, and his coworkers) has been fined for "operating with an unlicensed tattoo artist on site." [NY Daily News]
• Remember the fight between Joe Francis and Brody Jenner a couple of weeks ago? Joe was allegedly harassing former girlfriend Abbey Wilson when Brody and Jayde Nicole intervened. The latest is that afterward, Joe sent moving trucks over to Abbey's house to take her furniture away; he felt if she was going to lie about the incident, he wasn't going to let her keep anything he'd ever bought her. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis is being sued by a construction company for money owed for work on his Bel Air home. [TMZ]
• Joy Behar's new talk show debuts on HLN September 29, and the network formerly known as CNN Headline News is becoming incredibly lady-friendly. Joy's show is at 9pm, and she's followed by Jane Velez-Mitchell and Nancy Grace. [AP]
• How did Matt Damon gain 30 pounds for his role in The Informant? "I just ate everything I could see." More specifically: "I started eating like crazy and drinking dark beer. Between meals on set, I'd eat a No. 1 Value Meal at McDonald's and then Doritos on top of it. It was absolute heaven… Now I'm the Sexiest Man Alive's chunky cousin." [Daily Mail]
• Teri Hatcher is training for a triathalon. [People]
• Whoa: Sean Penn was spotted with Sports Illustrated swimsuit (and bodypaint) model Jessica White?!?! [Page Six]
• Rave reviews for Mo'Nique's performance in Precious! Forbes.com media critic Bill McCuddy says: "She doesn't steal the film — she kicks, screams and pummels it into an Oscar no-brainer." Trailer here. [Page Six]
• Taylor Momsen's band, Pretty Reckless, will play a Teen Vogue party tonight. [Page Six]
• Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend has adjusted to her mood swings, so you can all just relax. [People]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Eric Dane put his hand on Rebecca Gayheart's belly at DJ AM's funeral, so she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• "Paul Simon says he had nothing to do with the recent cancellation of a performance of the stage play The Sound of Silence in Sweden." [UPI]
• Samantha Burke, who is eight months pregnant with Jude Law's spawn, is "excited" with only one month to go. [The Sun]
• "Hip-hop artist and actor Ludacris' Ludacris Foundation and Nissan South gifted 20 needy people in the Atlanta area with cars Sunday, organizers said… Winners of the "Ludacares Stimulus Package" contestant drove away with used vehicles and are entitled to free gas for 30 days." [UPI]
• Actress Marley Shelton gave birth to a girl named West Flynn on Sunday. [People]
• Mohammed Ismail, father of Slumdog Millionaire child star Azharuddin Ismail, died in Mumbai on Friday; he'd been suffering from tuberculosis for over a year. Mohammed made the news earlier this year when he slapped his son for refusing to give interviews after returning from L.A. [Hndustan Times]
• Bianca Jagger lost a €200,000 platinum-and-aquamarine ring in Salzburg in August 2008; Austrian millionaire Reinhard Ringler found the ring and wanted a reward; the whole thing has turned into a mess with a three-month settlement period. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "A jury in San Diego County, Calif., has found in favor of TV actor Tom Selleck and his family in regards to a disputed horse sale." [UPI]
• Bee Gees reunion! [UPI]
• John Lydon — aka Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols — is reforming his band Public Image Ltd (PiL) after a 17 year hiatus. [Reuters]
• Click if you want to read Tom Jones recount a story about Elvis with his pants down. [Telegraph]
• Whatshername and Whathisname will be officially divorced today. [Mirror]
• "It kind of feels like graduating. I'm still really good friends with all the producers and directors and everyone, so it really only feels like a graduation." — Audrina Patridge on leaving The Hills for her "spicier, edgier, older" reality show. [People]
• "My brothers and I came home one day for lunch-I was at the Hackley School… and my mother, who was being pursued by creditors, had a TripTik map in her hand. She said, ‘We're going on a vacation. We're going to visit every man I ever went out with, from the time I was in Miss Semple's finishing school, to find out if I made a mistake.' She found the first one in St. Louis and told us, 'Most divine man I ever met-he made the winning touchdown in the Harvard-Yale game. I just don't want to surprise him with all of you.' So at the restaurant my brothers and I waited in the car. Twenty minutes later, she came out and said, 'Oh, my God. He's let himself go.' Further south, she'd tell the man, 'Meet me on the corner,' and we'd drive by very slowly and she'd say, ‘Oh, no. Oh, no.'" — George Hamilton, on My One and Only, a film based on an odd road trip that he and his brothers took with their mother in 1955. [The New Yorker]
• "The commitment and devotion of my fans in the UK, otherwise known as 'my little monsters', has made for a truly memorable and successful year for myself and The Fame. I am honoured to be the songwriter and performer behind the number one and number three all-time most downloaded songs in history in the UK." — Lady Gaga. [Mirror]
• "I think that's because it's just instinctual as a woman to be the caretaker of your home. Women complain that men don't do enough, but it's your own fault. You train your man to do nothing. You can't blame someone for not knowing what his or her job should be if you don't ask for it right off the bat." — Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC via Australian Harper's Bazaar]
• "My cocaine soundtrack was The Cure. I loved all their music, but I listened to this one song on repeat while I did bags and bags of cocaine. ‘Whatever I do/It's not enough.' Isn't that funny? At the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with me until my friends came over and said, ‘Are you doing this alone?' Um, yes. Me and my mirror." — Lady Gaga. [ONTD via Showbiz Spy]

• After shooting a fight scene for The Bounty, a source says Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were "lovey-dovey" and "we saw him give her a little kiss." He was also throwing peanuts and popcorn in her mouth. [Radar Online]

• Jennifer Aniston feels "rejected and upset" because Bradley Cooper chose Renee Zellweger over her. "She wanted to turn her date with Cooper into something...she honestly feels screwed over," says a source. [Us]
• It's only been a few days since Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn announced that they're divorcing, but he's already been spotted partying with two different women. [TMZ]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall are fighting on the set of SATC 2 because Kim's upset that she just broke up with her boyfriend Alan Wyse. "Sarah is too busy to comfort Kim or worry about her problems at the moment, and she basically told her as much," says a source. "Kim has been moping around, feeling sorry for herself and Sarah basically told her to snap out of it and buck up her ideas." [This Is London]
• Ryan Jenkins has been charged with the murder of Jasmine Flore by the Orange County D.A. [TMZ]
• The murder complaint against Ryan Jenkins says his bail recommendation is $10 million and a wanted poster warns that he's "armed and dangerous." [TMZ]
• The police got a "Ramey Warrent" for Ryan Jenkins that lets them bypass the D.A. and go directly to the judge, which is often used in cases when a suspect is on the run. [TMZ]
• Police have confirmed that Ryan Jenkins has entered Canada. It seems he took a boat from Washington State to Canada, then abandoned the boat and entered the country on foot. [People]
• Ryan Jenkins has business ties to Honduras and that may be his final destination. [TMZ]
• A criminal complaint had been filed against Ryan Jenkins for allegedly hitting Jasmine Flore "in the arm with his fist" in June. [TMZ]
• TMZ has an email Ryan Jenkins sent to Jasmine Fiore three weeks before she was murdered. He wrote: "Your [sic] my angel, despite what we've done to each other." [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson says Michael Jackson's burial has been pushed to August 31, two days after what would have been his 51st birthday because there are still things the family needs to get in order, that apparently they didn't get to in the past two months. [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson asked a judge to let her show a confidential AEG Michael Jackson memorabilia deal to her financial advisors. AEG has threatened to pull out because the company is worried people are losing interest in MJ. [TMZ]
• Tito Jackson and Gladys Knight will do a U.K. tour called the "Midnight Train to Love," as a tribute to Michael Jackson. Tito will perform songs by MJ and the Jackson 5, as well as music from his upcoming album. [Reuters]
• Promoters for the global Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna say the web site crashed half an hour before ticket sales were set to star because a million people had logged on. 85,000 passes are available for the September 26 concert. [AP]
• David Copperfield said (through lawyers during an interview because the reporter started asking her, "Who's your favorite Australian..." The manager thought the reporter was going to ask about Australian designer Katie Perry, who Katy was in a legal battle with earlier this year, but the reporter says she just wanted to know who her favorite Australian artist is. [The Sun]
• Snoop Dogg had to poll the audience during Who Wants To Be A Millionaire because he didn't know the name of the character with an inkblot on his face from Watchmen. He said, "Man I seen that movie too and I fell asleep on it." [The Sun]
• Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Oz are suing a websites for products like "Colon Pro Cleanse, Power Colon Cleanse, Colon Max" that feature their images, names, and voices. Their lawyers say the companies are cashing in "on the false premise that [the products] have been tested or recommended by Miss Winfrey and/or Dr. Oz when they have not." [TMZ]
• Oprah Winfrey is planning a huge party for the 10th anniversary of O, The Oprah Magazine, in May. She may hold a concert at Radio City Music Hall or close down New York's West Side Highway for a charity event. [E!]
• At first the owner of the Centerville Pie Co. on Cape Cod denied that she sold Oprah Winfrey's entourage 20 pies, but Oprah herself called the Cape Cod Times to say, "the pie-gate escapade actually did happen." [AP]
• Paula Abdul was in negotiations to play Helen on Ugly Betty but was replaced with Kristen Johnston due to her list of demands, which possibly included a private jet. Johnston said, "I've always considered myself the poor man's Paula Abdul." [Entertainment Weekly]
• Richard Hatch was serving out the end of his sentence on house arrest but was returned to prison on Tuesday when he gave an unauthorized interview to NBC and now the ACLU is getting involved. A spokesman said, "It's appalling to think that he has been sent to jail merely for speaking to the media about his own court case." [AP]
• Bjork and her husband Matthew Barney are buying a co-op in Brooklyn. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Jordan Scott, who wrote an obscure vampire novel called The Nocturne is suing Stephenie Meyer because she says she stole ideas from her book for Breaking Dawn. [Reuters]
• Though it was reported that Lady Gaga would be toning things down when her tour stopped in Israel, at her last performance she faked an orgasm onstage and screamed, "Get your dicks out. Cause I heard there some pretty big cocks here in Israel!" [ONTD]
• Claire Danes is wearing fishnets and a leotard on the cover of BlackBook here: [BlackBook]
• "Life, that's what this record is about... It's so easy for me to do a boy-bashing pop song, but to sit down and write honestly about something that's really close to me, something I've been through, it's a totally different thing." — Avril Lavigne on her new record. [Rolling Stone]
• You can watch the new video for "Run This Town" featuring Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West here: [Just Jared]
• Jared Kushner asked for Donald Trump's permission to marry his daughter, Ivanka Trump. She says, "I thought it was adorable." [People]
• RHOA's Nene Leakes says despite co-star Kim Zolciak's accusations, she hasn't been cheating on her husband, Gregg Leakes, with NFL player Charles Grant. Nene says, "Charles is not anybody I'm seeing. I want to know where Kim gets the information from." [Star Magazine]
• Bill Cosby will be presented the Mark Twin Prize for American Humor at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts by Jerry Seinfeld in October. [AP]
• Mickey Rourke says of filming The Wrestler, "I'm not 20 years old any more and when they throw your ass down, something is gonna hurt. My back would go out, my knee would go out. I had three MRIs in the first two months. If they would say they want to make Part 2, I would say, 'No, thank you.'" [AP]
• Lucy Clarkson, the model for Lara Croft says she had bulimia. "It makes me angry when I see very thin celebrities who are clearly not their natural body shape denying it. That sends out the wrong message. There are girls as young as five saying they think they are too fat," says Clarkson. "The industry wants you to look a certain way. For Lara Croft they wanted me to be quite muscular, so I was working out with a personal trainer. My curves were in demand from lingerie companies and men's magazines, but the fashion world pressured me to be skinny." [The Star]
• Kourtney Kardashian gives a run through of all the baby gifts she's already received at the link, but says she and boyfriend Scott Disick are also studying up on childbirth online. She says, "We watch these videos together on some random Web site I found called healthguru.com. They have videos which tell you what to expect, like the size of the baby at different stages, what the baby is doing inside. They're cool. Neither of us have read a book, but we're going to." [People]
• Apparently it's standard now to ask pregnant women if they'd pose nude. Kourtney Kardashian said: "I think so. I'd have to think about it." [Us]
• Heidi Klum says she and Seal won't be having any more kids after their fourth child is born. "We're outnumbered," say Klum. "Four is perfect. Three is a lot. But four? It's a lot of work. We're hands-on, and we feel like this is what we can handle." [USA Today]

• Surprise, surprise: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are a "complete nightmare" for the people working on the Miss Universe pageant in the Bahamas, where Heidi is supposed to perform on Sunday night. An insider says:

"Heidi has missed many rehearsals… Spencer tried to demand that the hotel pay him to lay by the pool." Dear Miss Universe People: You have no one to blame but yourselves. [Page Six]

• BREAKING: Courtney Love caught in bed with a turtle. [The Sun]
• Renée Zellweger dared to attend a movie premiere without Bradley Cooper; he took his parents and not Renée to Alyssa Milano's wedding. Scandalous. [Page Six]
• Jon Gosselin visited kids with cancer at an NYC hospital on Tuesday, possibly in an attempt to rehabilitate his image? [Us]
• Authorities now suspect that reality show "star" Ryan Alexander Jenkins — suspected of killing his wife, Jasmine Fiore — crossed over the Canadian border on foot after driving his SUV to Blaine, Washington. [TMZ]
• Save the date: September 14. Whitney Houston will give her first full-length interview in almost seven years to… Oprah. Of course. As you may recall, in 2002, Whitney sat down with Diane Sawyer, and memorably declared: "Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack." [Mirror, NY Daily News]
• Venus and Serena Williams are in talks to become part owners in the Miami Dolphins. [AP]
• Magician David Copperfield has been sued for sexual assault. The woman is a 22-year-old fashion model and alleges that the incident happened when she was a guest on his private island in the Bahamas in 2007. She says he attacked and sexually assaulted her, threatening to kill her if she didn't go along. [TMZ]
• Jay Leno's new show will spotlight new young comedians. "I hope people become famous and get offered shows." But he won't just have "a bunch of white guys doing standup" — he plans to have a "diverse group," including women, African-Americans and other minorities. [AP]
• Will Paula Abdul return to American Idol? Focus groups may make that decision. "Fox loves focus groups," an insider says. "If Paula consistently scores far higher than any other person in her chair, they will feel compelled to make her an offer she can't refuse and make this deal happen." Another source says: "There will be four judges at American Idol come January. And that fourth judge will be Paula Abdul." [MSNBC]
• Paula Abdul's manager says that there have been "no discussions whatsoever about Idol." [LA Times]
• Amy Winehouse went out to dinner and then for drinks and the paparazzi took snaps of her a little tipsy on her way home and zoomed in on her nose and claim there's a "mystery substance" up her nose but honestly you can't see a damn thing. [Daily Mail]
• "Got Line Flu Amy?" [The Sun]
• "Oprah Winfrey and her favorite physician, "Dr. Oz," filed suit yesterday to shut down more than 500 Web sites that falsely claim the pair endorses the sites' diet pills and miracle cures." [NY Post]
• Russell Brand wears a top hat, dances in the streets and sings the lyrics "sexual rewards" in this new MTV VMA promo. [ONTD]
• Expect to see heavy cross-promotion between Project Runway and Harvey Weinstein-produced flick Nine. [Page Six]
• Pauly Shore pulled a Christian Bale and had an on-set meltdown while filming Brand Dead. Seems fake, but you be the judge. [TMZ, TMZ]
• A source says Jennifer Hudson thinks of her newborn child as a gift from beyond after her family was murdered: "She wasn't trying to get pregnant… She believes her mother played a part in sending this gift from God. She tells everyone her mother sent this baby to pull her through this." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Eva Longoria will star in a Mexican film about kidnapping, which means she will be in a Spanish-speaking role for the first time. [AP]
• Figure skater Brian Boitano is now a TV chef, with his Food Network show, What Would Brian Boitano Make? premiering Sunday. Turns out the Oylmpic gold medalist is a foodie, and the Food Network's VP of programming says his passion and command of cooking is "one of the biggest, happiest surprises I've gotten in my career." [LA Times]
• As mentioned yesterday, Leona Lewis tracks have been leaked onto the Internet. One was a song produced by Justin Timberlake. A police investigation is ongoing. [Daily Mail]
• Pete Doherty is planning on getting the Libertines back together, even if Carl "Biggles" Barat doesn't want to join. "If Biggles doesn't want to do it or gets cold feet or he thinks I'm still a crackhead, what am I going to do? Maybe I could reform the Libertines without him, like he did without me. I wouldn't really want to, but you've got to pay the bills. I'll put an advert in the NME: 'Carlos lookalike required.'" [Independent]
• District 9 sequel? Maybe. It's already being referred to as District 10. [NY Daily News]
• Nora Jones is about to release her first album in three years; this column claims she has a new look and a new sound. (Cute hair!) [USA Today]
• Phil Spector has been writing letters from prison: He fears for his safety, enjoys visits from his wife and would like to be moved to "a better prison." [USA Today]
• "I loved New York, even back then (1980s graffiti-scarred, pre-Giuliani New York). It was such an overwhelming animal. I loved the energy and attitude of the place. It's great for being productive and creative." —Eric Bana, who's on the cover of Men's Health. [Just Jared]
• "It's a lot of material to fill. It is a lot of jokes. This is lot more work. A lot more work. You're doing probably three shows worth of comedy every night. On The Tonight Show we had maybe two talking guests and a band. That's not a lot of work for me. But this will be a lot more work." — Jay Leno on his new show. [Reuters]
• "I remember sensing that my mother was holding something back from me. I used to think I had done something wrong because she could be so distant. I knew there was something going on that I didn't know about and because I was a child I thought it was my fault. It took me years to work out that she had actually been protecting me from racism… There were comments and my mother kept all that away from us and to do that she had be a barrier between us and them." — Thandie Newton, who says she and her brother were the only mixed-race kids in their area when growing up. [Daily Express]
• "Before I played Ari Gold, I was in probably 40 movies and playing a lot of very soft-spoken characters, also-rans, best friends and whatnot. That was all easily forgotten as soon as I put Ari's power suit on." — Jeremy Piven. [Time]
• "[The culture here] isn't based on anything other than ‘Who got a boob job?' That's what I feel L.A. is about. A lot of people here want to be everyone but themselves." — Mila Kunis. [Just Jared]
• "Oh my God! I was on the set of Two and a Half Men when I heard. I had all these texts, and at first I thought it was a hoax. What struck me was I hadn't seen him in years, and when I think about it, I really owe an enormous amount of my career to him. And it made me sad because it made me realize that you've really got to let people know it when you're grateful to them. They won't always be here and I regret that I didn't do that. But I have very fond memories. He was a lovely guy and knew exactly what he wanted. He'll be greatly missed." — Jon Cryer on the death of John Hughes. [Reuters]
• "I was talking to my friend about [whether monogamy] is feasible, is it realistic? I resolved that there isn't really a better model. We just can't shake monogamy. It definitely demands a kind of rigor and discipline and selflessness. But it's also fun." — Claire Danes, to BlackBook. [Page Six]
• "I like clever folks. I like people who are concerned with [what] the path they leave behind them looks like… Empathy, humor, wit, self reliance and honesty. [Being attractive] doesn't hurt." —Renée Zellweger, on what she looks for in a man. [People]

• Scientists are trying to figure out why some male baboons hang out with single female baboon mothers without trying to have sex with them. "So we really don't know what these guys got out of the friendship, other than maybe spending time with a mum and a new baby and having other females seeing this," said primatologist Nga Nguyen. • According to a recent survey, 47% of Hispanic women are still spending the same amount or more than they did last year, despite fears for the failing economy. • In efforts to raise awareness about HIV/AIDs, Swaziland has launched a nation-wide "love test" campaign that urges couples to get tested together. • A study of men in South Africa found that 25 percent admit to having committed a sexual assault. • The judge in the Caylee Anthony case has sealed a video of Anthony's reaction when told her daughter's body was found, saying that it would taint the jury pool. • A company in Florida is besmirching the good name of Dr. Oz by selling anti-aging pills using his image. The company claims to offer a free monthly trial, but customers say that they continued to receive charges after they had attempted to cancel their subscriptions. • Maintaining a beach-ready bikini line is not only a pain in the butt—it can also be dangerous. MSNBC warns that Brazilian waxing often carries a risk of infection. • A British father recently created the Babyglow line of onesies, which change color as the baby's temperature rises. The outfits come in baby blue, pink, and pastel green and can help protect infants from overheating. • In Britain, young women supposedly aspiring to live like the rich and famous are going bankrupt at higher rates than men, from foolish things like getting their own apartments and being subject to the wage gap. • Sony is launching a new dude-site with an online reality show about a porn star mother. • There are a number of species that engage in same-sex relationships in the animal kingdom, and scientists are learning they have an evolutionary purpose. • NYPD Officer Andrew Dunton, who mistakenly short fellow officer Omar Edwards in a case of mistaken identity, called Edwards' widow at her request to offer his condolences. • Cecile Brossard has been found guilty of the murder of her lover, French banker Edouard Stern. She killed him during a bondage session when he called her a whore. • Some psychology experts say that men are more involved than ever in their children's lives. •

This very scientific test was ostensibly performed to determine whether men or women have a higher pain threshol, but sometimes we wonder if the GMA producers just have it in for Diane. They seem to delight in finding humiliating assignments for her, such as the time she was given a fish pedicure, or when she had to watch a Baby Alive doll "poop" in a toilet. Clip at left.

Ed Note: We hear about and see so many stories that we can't find the time to comment on that we're gonna try something new: "Leftovers", a daily "accounting" of the stuff we had to leave behind. Let us know if you like it, and, obviously, feel free to click through on the stories and flesh them out for everybody.

OK, just two more things really. LOL on the nips:

And LOL on the acne:

So what other shows will be on her schedule? Well the lineup might be:

Hey! Hey! Vajayjay!
A daytime, round-table discussion, akin to The View, about — what else? — vaginas.

Dr. Oz Goes To...
Dr. Mehmet Oz will go on travel adventures, and tell us all the gross medical ailments of that location, as well as the healing methods from the region. First episode: Dr. Oz Goes To... Montecito.

Hangin' With Gayle
A real-time reality show that checks in with Gayle King once a day for an hour, as she runs errands, eats pizza, clips her toenails, or you know, clips Oprah's toenails.

The Reading Heart
Oprah reads us a chapter from whatever book she chooses, as our bedtime story, and her sign off for the day.

Oprah Winfrey and Discovery Communications to Form New Joint Venture: 'OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network' [PR Newswire]

Earlier: The Most Disgusting Discussion Ever On Oprah
Oprah Asks: "What Shape Should Your Poop Be?"
Oprah Winfrey: Still Obsessed With Bowel Movements

• This week started off with a literal bang when ex-Top Model contestant Elyse Sewell was knocked around by her crap of an indie rock boyfriend, Marty Crandall of the Shins.
  
• We also had some rousing and interesting political discussions in the wake of Hillary Clinton's New Hampshire victory.
  
• Dr. Ruth advised us on period sex.
  
• And Dr. Oz advised us on pinworms, the scariest ass-affliction of all.
  
• We also learned the 5,689th reason why Jessica Alba sucks.
  
• But we learned new words this week! Like Mrs. Dranklesworth and arse trinket.
  
• Uh, those fat hookery outfits we tried on at American Apparel were a far cry from trinket town.
  
• But then Slut Machine gave us a good, ol' fashioned American Photoshop diet.
  
• All the way from Vegas! Where SM's blogging about her Adult Entertainment Expo tomfoolery. Look out for her second diary installment later tonight, and read it while you tipple on some Sizzurp, because after this week, we all deserve it.

Earlier: Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode

Sherri Shepherd is an asshole — an idiot asshole. I'm just gonna put it out there. I watch her everyday and my eyes are just about as bulgy as hers, listening to the shit she says. She may be a nice person but yeah, ultimately she's an idiot asshole, and here's why: When someone makes bold statements, judgments, or decrees without bothering to get the facts of the matter straight and actually refuses to read up on it because they merely heard from someone else that it might conflict with his or her beliefs, that person is an idiot. And someone holds on to such uneducated statements, judgments, or decrees and defends them to the death with no regard for others' opinions, that person is an asshole.

Exhibit A: Sherri Shepherd Believes That Nothing Predates Christianity Last week, the girls were talking about the Greek philosopher Epicurus — who lived about 300 years before Jesus was born — and his thoughts on what makes a person happy.

It's very interesting that family wasn't in there, that spirituality wasn't in there...What about believing in something bigger than you? They still had Jesus back then. They still had God. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions. I don't think anything predated Christians.

Dude, she doesn't even pay attention to her own religion that she's always going on and on about. If nothing came before Jesus, then how do you explain the Old Testament? Remember the Old Testament, Sherri? That's the book that explains that evolution is wrong.

Exhibit B: Sherri Shepherd Will Not Allow Her Son To Wear A Skirt, Even Just For Play; Will Also Not Allow Him To Be Transsexual While Living Under Her Roof

If I found out a teacher let my son put a dress on, I would be mad as all get out. When you get [sic] 18 and you wanna wear a dress, and you're not in my house, put a dress on. If you wanna be transgendered when you get out the house...I'm his mother, he will not be wearing a dress. Girls wear dresses. We don't live in Scotland. There will be certain behavior that will not be going on in my house.

Exhibit C: Sherri Shepherd Temporarily Believed The World Was Flat

Is the world flat? I don't know. I never thought about it. You know what I've thought about? How I'm gonna feed my child. How I'm gonna take care of my family. Wondering if the world was flat has never been an important thing to me. If my sons asks me if the world is flat, I guess I would go and look it up.