• Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer is rewriting the script of a spy thriller called Edwin A. Salt: It was supposed to star Tom Cruise and now Angelina Jolie is replacing him. Oh, and Angie will also star in an adaptation of the Ayn Rand novel Atlas Shrugged. Next, Angelina will adopt Suri. Unstoppable. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Uh, apparently Angelina Jolie and porn star Tera Patrick have an e-mail relationship? And have been talking about who should play Catwoman in the next Batman movie? [Page Six]
• Nikki Blonksy's dad, who's been locked up in a Turks and Caicos jail for over a week, has just been released. He's due to appear in court on August 19 at 9:00 a.m. [ET]
• Carl Blonsky can't leave the island because authorities have his travel documents. [TMZ]
• Um, this report says Carl is back in New York. [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal is "all bulked up and 'bear' chested for his role in the fantasy flick Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time." No, really, He looks like Conan. [E!]
• Director Malcolm Lee heard about the deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes and was in shock: They're both in his film Soul Men, which opens November 14. "It had to be some sort of bad dream that these two giants would die on the same weekend, and both would be in my movie." Lee says that Mac would entertain the crew and bystanders between takes. "He said, 'These people made me what I am,' " Lee says. "He said that if it weren't for the fans of his stand-up comedy, he wouldn't have the career he had." Samuel L. Jackson is also in the film. [USA Today]

• Hayden Panettiere's dad, Alan is out on bail after getting arrested for allegedly hitting Hayden's mom, Lesley. Something went down after that Whaleman Foundation event: Alan and Lesley were seen fighting after the dinner. It seems to have continued when they got home: Authorities say that Alan struck Lesley one or two times on the cheek, causing bruising. Alcohol was involved. [People]
• Alan Panettiere is known as "Skip." He's apparently known for having a temper and "coming down hard" on his family. A source says that once, Skip was watching Hayden's little brother Jansen play baseball: "He went postal on Jansen because he wasn't pitching right," the eyewitness recalled. "He got nutty. He was yelling and screaming at his kid in front of everyone. He was really pissed off and was really negative." [Yahoo News]
• People who paid $2,500 to attend a benefit in the Hamptons are not happy that featured guest Gwyneth Paltrow didn't mingle with the riff raff. [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna "longs" to adopt another child from Malawi, preferably a girl, to be a sister for David Banda. [Mirror]
• Mariah Carey says she does one thing very well: "Dance." As for singing? "Oh, that’s business." [Fox News]
• Kelly Rowland threw a party in St. Tropez on Friday — Bono attended — and the bash had a £196,230 ($372,150) bar bill. What did you do this weekend? [Mirror]
• Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell looks effing awesome in a bikini on the cover of Hello!. She says: "People think I'm really confident but I do get self-conscious like many women about stripping off in public. I haven't been willingly photographed in a bikini for seven years — and I don't think I'll do it again." [Daily Mail]
• Orlando Bloom will star in a film about life in the Bosnian capital Sarajevo during the 1992-95 siege. Change of pace from swashbuckling blockbusters. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "What publisher and man-about-town may have had a liaison with Rielle Hunter, the woman who had an affair with John Edwards and a relationship with his pal Jay McInerney? He's told friends they were 'in bed for a week.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has been sued for $5 million by a former producer. Her dad called the dude a "predator." Hollywood sleaze? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears did a sit-down interview and photo shoot with OK! magazine. Remember the earlier encounter, when her dog defiled a Zac Posen dress? [MSNBC]
• Oh, here's that promo for the MTV Video Music Awards starring Russell Brand, Britney Spears and an elephant. Russell's accent! [People]
• A number of disability groups want a boycott of Tropic Thunder, because of its portrayal of the mentally ill. Ben Stiller says: "It's sort of edgy territory, but we felt that as long as the focus was on the actors who were trying to do something to be taken seriously that's going too far or wrong, that was where the humor would come from. [The joke is on] actors reaching for roles in terms of hopefully winning awards." [Perez Hilton]
• Balthazar Getty met Sienna Miller's parents, then Sienna and Balt had lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer in Malibu. [Mirror]
• Dr. Phil and his wife Robin were recently arguing so loud that their Beverly Hills neighbors could hear. Now the house is quiet because they seem to have moved out… Did they go in separate directions? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Coming soon: The Witches Of Eastwick TV show! Quick: Name a perfect cast. We need a redhead, a blonde and a Cher. [Ain't It Cool]
• Joss Stone is recording a theme song for Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Supposedly he approached her because of her "cross-racial appeal." But, um, she's British? [Times Of London]
• "Wild child Pixie Geldof turns to meditation and friends when she's feeling low." [Mirror]
• Another lender is after Ed McMahon for cash. [E!]
• Mia Tyler has called off her engagement. Maybe you didn't know she was engaged. [ONTD]
• Jason Statham showed up at the Playboy Mansion in a bathrobe, where Jon Lovitz was taking pictures of his face next to ladies' bare bottoms. Classy! [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl gossip! Michael Kors was seen with the cast at a NYC venue filming a fashion show scene! [Page Six]
• A martial arts school owner and fitness trainer in England is suing Tito Jackson, who allegedly borrowed $24,000 but only paid back $17,000. In other news, Tito Jackson still exists. [UPI]
• This story of Sean Connery's life is kind of amazing — once known as Tommy Connery, he dated Lana Turner and had Johnny Stompanato wave a gun in his face. [Daily Mail]
• "After a party in [Daniel Zelman's] apartment, I sat with him till 3:30 a.m. talking about the weather. Finally I said, 'Um, I guess I'm going to go.' I put on my polyester tiger-print swing coat and said, 'Will you kiss me?' 'Oh, gosh,' he said. 'I don't know.' I tried to be cool and said, 'It's just a kiss. I'm not asking you to marry me.' He said, 'No matter how interested we are in each other, we're so different, it will never work.' Cut to ten years later — we're married." —Debra Messing. [Reader's Digest]
• "I don’t think I am beautiful. I can look good, and I can look ugly." — Penelope Cruz. [MSNBC]
• "I'M COMPETING IN THE GAMES!!! EXCLUSIVE CHAMPION VIDEO!!!" — Kanye West. The video is pretty awesome. [KanyeUnivercity]

A picture's worth 1,000 words. Check out some of these ladies' reactions shots.

Earlier: Paul Janka Did Not Rape Me Last Night

Phil knows this is a good show.



And what's this one wearing?

Earlier: Proud Player Paul Janka Talks About Sluts On Tyra
Paul Janka Did Not Date Rape Me Last Night
"Casanova" Paul Janka (Maybe) Admits He's Damaged Goods

• Britney Spears was involved in a minor car accident Saturday night; no one was injured and no vehicles were damaged. [AP]
  
• Apparently Brit was in stop and go traffic, driving at about 10 m.p.h. and putting on her makeup before the accident. Brit passed a field sobriety test. [TMZ]
  
• Dr. Phil is so classy and generous! He allegedly posted bond for one of the cheerleaders arrested for beating a teenage girl on videotape because her grandmother told reporters she didn't have the money to bail her granddaughter out. Of course, that means that Dr. Phil would have "exclusive" rights to her story. [TMZ]
  
• But wait! It wasn't Dr. Phil but a production assistant from his show. Also known as a scapegoat. [TMZ]
  
• A source says "It's getting desperate" behind the scenes of Dr. Phil's show. Ya think? [MSNBC]

• "'Gangsta rap' was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. 'Gangsta rap' didn't exist." — Alicia Keys. [Fox News]
• Cate Blanchett gave birth to her third son, Ignatius Martin, on Sunday. She and husband Andrew Upton already have two sons: Dashiell John, 5, and Roman Robert, 3. [People]
• Ivana Trump got married! Male guests wore white and female guests wore pastel; the wedding cake was 12 feet tall; Donald Trump Junior threatened to kill his new stepdad. In a speech, Don Jr. said to Rossano Rubicondi: "You better treat her right, because I have a .45 and a shovel." [Gatecrasher]
• BTW, you probably knew this but Ivana is 59 and Rossano is 36. [Yahoo News]
• Does Pink have a new man? She was seen frolicking on the beach in Malibu with Todd Morse, a punk guitarist who plays in Juliette Lewis' band: Juliette and the Licks. Are the gonna make beautiful music together? [TMZ]
• Matt Damon, Thandie Newton and Joely Richardson were photographed destroying toys — meant to symbolize the destruction of childhood in Darfur. [People]
• Shaquille O'Neal filed for divorce from his wife Shaunie in 2007, but they were seen at the zoo together last weekend. Reconciliation? [Page Six]
• Guests at Jessica Alba's baby shower were asked to put on leather bracelets before saying a "life, love, health, etc" prayer; they're not supposed to take the bracelets off until the baby is born. [Page Six]
• Model Jessica Stam and actress Michelle Trachtenberg: Seen eating bread! [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which actress married to a power player is repaying his infidelities with a close friendship of her own with a sporting figure?" [Gatecrasher]
• A staffer at WBLS is claiming she suffered sexual harassment while working on the Wendy Williams show — from Wendy's husband, no less. [Rush & Molloy]
• Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay hasn't visited her grandmother, even though grannie was in serious car accident last month. Plus, her grandfather keeps having heart failure, and LL hasn't seen him, either. [Rush & Molloy]
• Madonna has purchased a third apartment in the building where she already has a huge duplex, fueling rumors that she and Guy Ritchie will split. But seriously, real estate deals do not equal divorce. [The Sun]
• Harold And Kumar star John Cho and his wife, Kerri Higuchi, are expecting a child. [People]
• Desperate Housewives' James Denton is so hardcore: "My dog got bit in the face by a rattlesnake and almost died," he says. "A few weeks later, we were on the same trail and I saw a rattlesnake, and I knew it was going to bite someone, so I killed it. But I took it home and ate it." [Rush & Molloy]
• Kathy Griffin was seen in Beverly Hills shopping, hugging and holding hands with Britney Spears' ex, Adnan Ghalib. Probably for Ashton Kutcher's show, Pop Fiction. [Rush & Molloy]
• Uh, Adnan was attacked and stabbed Saturday night. He's okay, but WTF. [JFX]
• Brace yourselves: Heather Mills is moving to the US. [Mirror]
• Heather Mills was booed — loudly — at the Miss USA pageant, where she was a judge. [Mirror]
• Katie Holmes is hungry. [MSNBC]
• The media is being prevented from getting any details on R. Kelly's porn case, and, frankly, aren't you glad to be spared? [UPI]
• Salman Rushdie is dating Aimee Mullins, an athlete turned model. She's also a double amputee. [Times Of India]
• Before he went to jail last week, Pete Doherty went on a "bender" in Paris with girlfriend Irina Lazareanu. What constitutes a bender these days? Nonstop booze? Drugs? Both? [Mirror]
• Elle Macpherson was seen hitting on George Clooney. "Elle threw herself at him quite aggressively," says a source, "but the gigantic cold sore on her lip was not helping her." Catty fucking Daily Mail. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller is so in love with Rhys Ifans she speaks Welsh to him: "Fy anwylyd, rwy'n dy garu di" apparently means "Darling I love you." [Daily Mail]
• Kylie Minogue's new album: A total flop in the US. [Reuters]
• JK Rowling will be in court in New York today to try and block The Harry Potter Lexicon, a guide to the world she created. Any intellectual property lawyers out there? Does she have a chance? [Financial Times]
• Law & Order star Elisabeth Rohm is a mom for the first time: A girl named Easton August Anthony was born in L.A. on Thursday. Rohm plans to marry her baby daddy, Ron Wooster, in October. Baby before marriage, the new hot trend. [AP]
• Apparently in 2006, two paparazzi offered Heath Ledger cocaine so they could film him and Heath got pissed. Ugh. [UPI]
• And yeah, a lawsuit has been filed. By an unnamed woman who might work at People. She's suing because the paps took control of a hotel room she paid for, used the mini bar and filmed her without her permission. [AP]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's nanny has written a parenting guide, with advice like: Placate a screaming child with candy. Revolutionary! [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse has canceled plans to begin recording her third album and might not release new music until 2009. And! She's addicted to ironing now. Yeah, ironing. A source says: "Not just her clothes but also towels, sheets, scarves. Anything really. She's a very obsessive person and has always been addicted to something." [The Sun]
• Amy won't be coming to New York to play the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual Costume Institute Gala on May 5. Boo. [Daily Mail]
• Also, Amy is apparently still doing drugs and was seen snorting coke with Bob Geldof's daughter Pixie just a few feet away. [News Of The World]

• Yeah, how do we know when the this fucking nomination process has gone on too long? When the candidates' lives have not only been covered breathlessly in US Weekly, ostensibly dignified magazines like The New Republic have started co-opting their "if they mated" feature. [TNR]
  
• The Hillary campaign is now pinning its future on an "Electoral vote" strategy, basing her appeal to the conventioneers on the notion that she should win the nomination because she managed to win big states important to winning the electoral vote. Because California is in grave danger of voting for McCain over Obama? [NYT]
  
• Will her concession to Sinbad re the "sniper fire" mess up her chances? [NY Times]
  
• Speaking of comedians who are not Sinbad, this little Q&A with Tracey Ullman reminded me how much I missed Dave Chappelle. What's he up to? No performances I can find. [WSJ]
  
• New York risks losing as many as 20,000 finance jobs. I would be sad, but it's also sort of a "And at long freaking last they came for the bankers, and I didn't say anything because I had already spend much of my twenties unemployed kthanxbai" situation. Also, no industry finds fresh liquidity faster than finance, so, you know, they'll be back. [Reuters]

• Puerto Rico is switching from a caucus to a primary. I suppose this would ordinarily be bad for Obama, since the caucuses tend to favor him, except that no one expected him to win Puerto Rico? [NY Times]
• Dr. Phil hasn't given shit to Barack Obama despite the fact that he owes Oprah his life. Typical white person. [World Of Wonder]
• Will Hillary ever be "one of the cool kids"? Will this election ever move past high school? [Huffington Post]
• Black feminists try to sort out whether racism is harder for them than sexism and just when they find themselves leaning toward thinking it is, the sexism shows rears its pretty head again; it probably won't surprise you that this story is depressing. [Wash Post]
• Indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Sent text messages on a beeper? [Detroit Free-Press]
• A few brave Han Chinese dissidents are getting jailed for openly calling for their government to open a dialogue with the Dalai Lama. [Wash Post]
• "November's election could be, for the first time in a very long time, a choice between two radically different visions of U.S. global engagement. "We want to have this debate with John McCain," a close Obama adviser says. "[Obama] will offer this clear contrast." [Prospect]
• Gene Weingarten discussed his epic piece on the 24-hour blogpundittalkradio culture we discussed in today's Crappy Hour in an online chat this morning and he agrees with that Ann Coulter is not for real and that the copy editors made a grave mistake in changing it to "douche bag." [Wash Post]

• Rumor: After his moving visit to Sierra Leone, David and Victoria Beckham are hoping to adopt a baby girl from Africa! Spokesman for the couple: "While they admire people who go through the adoption process, their focus is raising their own three boys." Still! Posh needs a little girl she can dress up, no? [Telegraph]
  
• Eric Dane has skin cancer. He's on the cover of OK! re: the malignant tissue on his lip, caused by sun damage. More on that in Midweek Madness later today. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Did Angelina Jolie get pregnant to keep Brad? A source says she was worried he would leave her, so she went to an in vitro specialist. Whatever, OMG twins! [MSNBC]
  
• As reported yesterday evening, Britney's manager/"friend" Sam Lutfi probably stole from her. [TMZ]

• In addition, Lutfi ground up pills and put them in Britney's food, Lynne Spears claims. [LA Times]
• Britney's father was unable to visit her in the hospital on Sunday because he was catering a Super Bowl party. She called him at least four times, but then when he finally got to the hospital she was upset with him. [TMZ]
• But Britney did beg her dad to get her out of the hospital, saying, "Daddy... Take my hand and let's walk out of here together." [People]
• A source claims Britney will be able to see her kids again when she stabilizes. Monitored visits, of course, but it would be something. [E!]
• Titillating blind item: "What Justin Timberlake/Britney Spears story is too vulgar even to make it as a Gatecrasher blind item? Read the Rolling Stone cover story on Friday to find out! (Don't eat beforehand.) [Gatecrasher]
• An excerpt from the Rolling Stone story is right here. [Perez Hilton]
• This is random, but remember the mystery of Britney's breasts? Totally solved: She had implants, then had them removed. [Page Six]
• So you know how Tom Cruise was the first to get a new Ducati motorcycle? Brad Pitt is reportedly livid. He wanted to be first. Or at least second. How many children does a man need to have before you'll deliver his fine Italian bike? Jeez. [TMZ]
• Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda are in Perth, Australia for Heath Ledger's funeral. [People]
• The rumor about Jennifer Lopez expecting twins is true, says her dad. We heard she already had them, but whatevs. Here's a theory: They're preemies but the family is keeping it a secret? [People]
• Amy Winehouse was questioned by police regarding her crack smokin' video. No charges were filed... yet. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan claims she'd "much rather be at home" than go out partying these days, but, "that's not to say I'll never go to a club again..." Uh, yeah. [Mirror]
• Actress Rebecca De Mornay was sentenced to three years of probation after pleading no contest to drunk driving. Risky Business, indeed. [Reuters]
• Celine Dion leads the Juno nominations. The Canadian music award winners will be announced on April 6. [Reuters]
• A judge has refused to dismiss a suit brought by two brothers questioned in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway against Dr. Phil. [AP]
• A new book about the death of Anna Nicole alleges that Larry Birkhead is Le Gay. The two male authors say he hit on them, and was close to a "young and handsome" counselor at a camp for HIV-positive youth. Birkhead is pissed and may sue. [Gatecrasher]
• Heather Mills will be representing herself in divorce court next week as she tries to pry off a chunk of Paul McCartney's $1.6 billion. Good luck! (Saying break a leg would be so tacky.) [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton: Not allowed in the hotel bar her sister is also banned from. So cold! [Page Six]
• Woody Allen on Scarlett Johansson: "I don't want to read about her in the paper with this boyfriend or that boyfriend, or in rehab or taking pills." Dude, you got a crush on her or something? [Page Six]
• OMG, the notorious Vanity Fair Oscar party is canceled! Who will ply the stars with free booze? [Page Six]
• But the Oscars themselves are not canceled, phew. [UPI]
• "I like that I look different. I like having flavor. I think it's funny that women get their lips injected, butt implants. Everyone wants to look like us now." — Jessica Alba in Latina magazine. [Page Six]

• Okay, get ready for this: The UK'sNews Of The World alleges that, the night she ended up in the hospital, Britney Spears took 10 sleeping pills, 12 Vicodins, six Ritalins and 10 Zantacs — and washed them all down with her "purple drank", i.e. vodka, NyQuil and Red Bull. She also supposedly phoned her sister and shouted, "You're not going to be the only fucking Spears on the front cover of a magazine next week!" As for reports that Brit will be on Dr. Phil, a source says, "Based on the interaction between Dr. Phil and Britney . . . it'll be a cold day in hell before Britney goes on his show." [New York Post]
  
• Doctors at Cedars-Sinai hospital are pissed that Dr. Phil visited Britney in the first place — the patient has to give consent for stuff like that and it was a violation of her rights. [TMZ]
  
• Dr. Phil says he went to see Britney at the request of one Lynne Spears, her mother. [TMZ]

• Wait, what? A "reliable source" says Britney tested free of illegal drugs and alcohol while in Cedars-Sinai. Well Vicodin isn't illegal, right? Anyway, she might have seemed drugged but actually just has undiagnosed bipolar disorder, says an insider. [People]
• In any case, over the weekend, Britney went to Palm Desert with her new "friend," paparazzo Adnan Ghalib. [People]
• Meanwhile, Kevin Federline — who has sole legal and physical custody of the kids now — is in "lockdown mode" and just keeping his ass at home. Smart kid. [People]
• Britney's father "broke down" and was in tears after she was discharged from the hospital. [People]
• Also, despite reports to the contrary, Britney did not have a gun in the house when she held her children hostage. [Perez Hilton]
• Is Nicole Kidman knocked up? Signs point to maybe. [Page Six]
• Author Andrew Morton's new book alleges that Tom Cruise is the number-two guy at the Church of Scientology and that frozen sperm was used to spawn Suri, who has L. Ron Hubbard as her real baby-daddy. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Also, Scientologists threatened to blackmail Nicole Kidman if she said anything bad about the religion, Morton's book claims. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Singer Norah Jones and live-in love Lee Alexander (bassist in her band) have broken up. We know where to find some sad songs for them to listen to. [Page Six]
• An insider says that Paul McCartney's secret heart surgery was one of the reasons he and Heather Mills split: She was focused on him and he wasn't taking care of himself. Yawn. [Page Six]
• Because of the writers' strike, no one seems to know what the hell is going on with the Golden Globes... and it's happening Sunday. [Gatecrasher]
• In fact, NBC may not even televise the Golden Globes. Which might help, since the WGA says guild members would not picket if the event wasn't televised. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which highbrow talk show host telephoned a female massage therapist from the Pierre hotel last week and requested she perform intimate acts with his lady-friend, while he watched? Sadly, the answer was 'No.'" [Gatecrasher]
• Mick Jagger gathered almost all seven of his offspring for the holidays... Only Jade and Elizabeth didn't join him on Mustique — they're not fans of his current girlfriend, L'Wren Scott. [Rush & Molloy]
• Producers of The Hills convinced JustinBobby to play Audrina's boyfriend by paying him as a cast member. Romantic! [Rush & Molloy]
• Lily Allen: "I get upset about illiterate young people. Someone texted me in fuckin text speak without any vowels, so I replied just in vowels." [Mirror]
• Funnyman Jack Black's wife is expecting a second child! Doesn't he seem like a fun dad? [Breitbart]
• Reese Witherspoon was number one in a survey of most-liked celebs; Jennifer Aniston was number two. This country is kind of weird. [Reuters]
• Just like her ex, Riley Giles, an Italian waiter has also sold his Lindsay Lohan story to the News Of The World. Alessandro di Nunzio says LL was "extremely flexible and adventurous" in the bedroom and her panties and bra did not match. Alessandro was "hurt and sad" when he found out that LL was also seeing two other dudes while in Italy, but we suspect cash he got from the UK tab should ease his pain. [MSNBC]
• Madonna: Still in India, doing stuff like singing karaoke with the Maharaja of Jodhpur. [Mirror]
• Charlize Theron's Aunt says her brother, Charlize's father, was "mildmannered" and never would have attacked his wife or daughter. She has doubts about what really happened 16 years ago when Charlize'smother shot her father. [Daily Mail]
• Vanessa Paradis says she is "not proud" of her past as teen pop star — her song, "Joe le Taxi" was No. 1 in France for 14 weeks in 1987. Have you seen the video? She was cute! [Independent]

Related: Excessive Tantrums In Preschoolers May Indicate Serious Mental Health Problems [Science Daily]

• Britney Spears classily served her mother Lynne with legal papers in full view of the paparazzi. [TMZ]
  
• Shocker: Lindsay Lohan had cocaine in her system when she crashed her car last month. [People]
  
• Legendary NYC restaurant owner (no spring chicken herself!) mistakes a "fumbling" Paul Newman for a common drunk. [PageSix]
  
• More rumors about the troubled marriage of novelist Salman Rushdie and Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi. [PageSix]
  
• Michael Jackson defends charges that he takes pills, does not defend charges of total and complete insanity. [Rush&Molloy, 2nd item]
  
• In case anyone cares, Jacko's ex-wife, Lisa Marie Presley, may be planning to get pregnant. [Rush&Molloy, 5th item]

• Jordan has had her baby. Next up: Vaginoplasty! [Mirror]
• More British female trainwrecks: Lily Allen arrested for assaulting photographer; dresses up as Amy Winehouse. [DailyMail]
• Dr. Phil defends Paris Hilton. [Popdirt]