Linger's website tells the "Story of Linger" — which involves a softcore tale of a "trip into the heart of India," a " soft spoken, aristocratic man" with "skin the color of caramel" and the dubious statement, "When I returned to the States, I brought the tingly sweet tasting sex mint with me."

But, Phillips writes:

My tin of Linger looked a lot like one of those tins of mints that are given away at trade shows. And guess what? That's what it is. A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint's sample mints.

How is this legal? Well, the website instructions don't actually tell you to stick the mint in your vadge. Plus, there's a disclaimer, which states:

This product is for novelty use only and is not recommended for women prone to yeast or other types of infections.

Apparently selling a product as a "novelty" protects the manufacturer if something goes wrong. And guess what? Linger's primary ingredient is sugar — which can lead to a yeast infection — in Phillip's words, "a condition that definitely doesn't make someone want to 'linger.'"

What sucks is that from vintage Lysol ads to more recent douching pitches and the oh-so-bizarre Waterworks commercial, women can never get away from the idea that there's something wrong with the smell — or the taste — "down there." Funny how it hasn't stopped millions of men and women from traveling south of the border, lickety split, to sample the goods… for centuries.

Femimint Hygiene: Vagina Mints [Mother Jones]
Linger [Official Site]

Earlier: Mystery Product Boosts Confidence, Makes Women More "Feminine"
Vintage Lysol Ad
"If You're Concerned About Douching..."

According to the spokeswoman of vaguely-European descent, you'll feel ready for "l'amour" after using the "FDA cleared" WaterWorks. The device, pictured below, is used by filling the bag with body temperature tap water and fully inserting the stainless steel end into the vagina, as shown in this animation from the company website.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, most American doctors do not recommend douching, and douching will not get rid of bad vaginal odor. But according to the company website, WaterWorks isn't like douching at all because it only uses low-pressure tap water. The "science" section explains:

The combination of a stainless steel soap bar and tap water is used by chefs as the most effective way to eliminate odors such as garlic, onions and fish from the hands of food preparers. WaterWorks uses the same principle to reduce or eliminate vaginal odor.

If you hurry, you can get yours for the special introductory price of $29.95... plus shipping and handling, of course.

WaterWorks Natural Vaginal Therapy [Via La Figa]
Douching FAQ [U.S. Department of Health And Human Services]

Earlier: A Look Back At "That Not So Fresh Feeling"

You see, Helen is in the hospital because of the accidental damage she's done to her precious lady flower with a razor while attempting to achieve a hairless poon. And according to the Times, Wetlands "only gains momentum from there, eventually reaching avocado pits as objects of female sexual satisfaction and — here is where the debate kicks in — just possibly female empowerment."

The novel has sold more that 680,000 copies, and according to the Times it has "has struck a nerve [in Germany], catching a wave of popular interest in renewing the debate over women’s roles and image in society." But critics — and with a novel so taboo that women have fainted at local readings, there are many — say that the explicit sex in Wetlands obscures and muddles a real debate over things like equal pay for equal work. German women currently earn 22% less than German men, the third worst disparity in all of Europe (behind only Estonia and Cyprus). As the Times puts it, because of Wetlands, " A debate that might more profitably center on career counselors and day care is instead mired in old questions about sexual liberation."

Of course, it brings up great questions for American women as well. Does "empowerment" even mean anything anymore when women claim to be "empowered" by pole dancing lessons and Botox? Where is the intersection of sexual liberation and societal progress for women? I imagine we'll be discussing these questions long after 18-year-old Helen Meyer takes her place in the literary "slut" pantheon with Isadora Wing and Emma Bovary.

Germany Abuzz At Racy Novel Of Sex And Hygiene [NYT]
Publishers Battle To Sign Up Europe's Sex Sensation [Guardian]

Earlier: The Second Period No One Tells You About
Erica Jong Would Rather Be A Lesbian Than A Cougar

Sherri Shepherd is an asshole — an idiot asshole. I'm just gonna put it out there. I watch her everyday and my eyes are just about as bulgy as hers, listening to the shit she says. She may be a nice person but yeah, ultimately she's an idiot asshole, and here's why: When someone makes bold statements, judgments, or decrees without bothering to get the facts of the matter straight and actually refuses to read up on it because they merely heard from someone else that it might conflict with his or her beliefs, that person is an idiot. And someone holds on to such uneducated statements, judgments, or decrees and defends them to the death with no regard for others' opinions, that person is an asshole.

Exhibit A: Sherri Shepherd Believes That Nothing Predates Christianity Last week, the girls were talking about the Greek philosopher Epicurus — who lived about 300 years before Jesus was born — and his thoughts on what makes a person happy.

It's very interesting that family wasn't in there, that spirituality wasn't in there...What about believing in something bigger than you? They still had Jesus back then. They still had God. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions. I don't think anything predated Christians.

Dude, she doesn't even pay attention to her own religion that she's always going on and on about. If nothing came before Jesus, then how do you explain the Old Testament? Remember the Old Testament, Sherri? That's the book that explains that evolution is wrong.

Exhibit B: Sherri Shepherd Will Not Allow Her Son To Wear A Skirt, Even Just For Play; Will Also Not Allow Him To Be Transsexual While Living Under Her Roof

If I found out a teacher let my son put a dress on, I would be mad as all get out. When you get [sic] 18 and you wanna wear a dress, and you're not in my house, put a dress on. If you wanna be transgendered when you get out the house...I'm his mother, he will not be wearing a dress. Girls wear dresses. We don't live in Scotland. There will be certain behavior that will not be going on in my house.

Exhibit C: Sherri Shepherd Temporarily Believed The World Was Flat

Is the world flat? I don't know. I never thought about it. You know what I've thought about? How I'm gonna feed my child. How I'm gonna take care of my family. Wondering if the world was flat has never been an important thing to me. If my sons asks me if the world is flat, I guess I would go and look it up.