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Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
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Paul Janka, John Fitzgerald Page Try To Out-Douche Each Other On Dr. Phil

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hellosunshine
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
Hey Dallas? HINTY HINT HINT. #metrosexuals
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chi-girl
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
First they came for the Ed Hardy tees, and I did not speak out—because I eschew graphic prints;
Then they came for the fake tanners, and I did not speak out—because I was not permanently orange;
Then they came for the popped collars, and I did not speak out—because I was rockin a hoodie;
Then they came for the patent leather shoes, and I did not speak out—because I like boat shoes better anyway;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me. #metrosexuals
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WashingMyHair
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
Great, now they'll all be partying at the Jersey Shore this summer. #metrosexuals
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funzette
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
Banning douchebags from nightclubs is like banning pandas from bamboo forests - You're forcing them out of their natural environment. I suggest banning them from government, the media, and your pants instead. #metrosexuals
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funzette
11/13/09

I am, however, in favor of a douchebag-panda interaction ban at nightclubs.
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Edited by funzette at 11/13/09 10:45 AM funzette was starred funzette was unstarred

mbprice
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
But the douchebags will adapt! They always have! Shakespearean douchebags were banned from the Globe for wearing ruffled frocks and codpieces. So they turned to doublets and breeches! Then they banned doublets and breeches from St. Peter's Basilica, so they turned to waistcoats and tricorne hats! Then those were banned from the American colonies (except in the Province of New Jersey), so they turned to cravats and trousers!

Don't you see! The douchebags adapt! They always adapt! #metrosexuals
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ElleL
11/13/09

@mbprice: Cockroaches and douchebags, related? #metrosexuals
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brokenscope
11/13/09

@ElleL: Highly related, they might survive the fallout but once there was nothing left to scavenge they would die. #metrosexuals
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ElleL
11/13/09

@brokenscope: We can only hope! #metrosexuals
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rd2uk
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
metrosexuals fight? I may be completly wrong but in my mind its the drunken fat boy/jocks that get into fights? or are those metrosexuals as well? well i suppose many a frat boy are metrosexuals. i dont know! #metrosexuals
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morninggloria
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
... but without douchebags, how am I supposed to know if my ass is lookin' fine tonight? #metrosexuals
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hortense
11/13/09

@morninggloria: How will I get my recommended exercise in if I haven't been running through a douchebag's mind all day? #metrosexuals
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KingCouth
11/13/09

@morninggloria: Yeah, and how will I know I need to get to the gym without them reminding me? #metrosexuals
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MsAnthrope
11/13/09

@hortense: ...how will I know if God is missing an angel? #metrosexuals
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Newsgirl
11/13/09

@morninggloria: How will I know if there's a mirror in my pocket? #metrosexuals
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morninggloria
11/13/09

@Newsgirl: How will I know if I'm wearing astronaut pants? #metrosexuals
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CynicalPink
11/13/09

@morninggloria: How will I know if it's time to "get our Goose on?" #metrosexuals
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Notes from the underwhelmed
11/13/09

@morninggloria: Um, walk past the McDonalds next to my apartment. The dudes standing outside will let you know. #metrosexuals
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Notes from the underwhelmed
11/13/09

@morninggloria: And how will we know if those astronaut pants were washed with Windex? #metrosexuals
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morninggloria
11/13/09

@Notes from the underwhelmed: I walked past those dudes one day when my eyes were completely bloodshot due to a bad contact lens situation. I was wearing sweatpants, no makeup, and "ST OLAF BASEBALL" hooded sweatshirt. I looked like ass flourentine.

They still shouted stuff. #metrosexuals
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Notes from the underwhelmed
11/13/09

@morninggloria: Oh yeah. I go grocery shopping in my pajamas and get a standing ovation for my loveliness from them. Someday I'm going to try walking past in curlers. Just to see. #metrosexuals
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frugal
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
That's douchescrimination! Now, how much do you want for those Spears tickets? #metrosexuals
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telecomic the thoughtful red panda
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
this word, metrosexuals, I do not think it means what you think it means. #metrosexuals
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colormeroutine
11/13/09

@telecomic the thoughtful red panda: No self respecting metrosexual would wear ed hardy #metrosexuals
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madeofawesome
11/13/09

@colormeroutine: And popped collars are sooooo 2006.

Also, can we ban "manly" pink shirts? I've had enough of that "irony." And anyway, melon brings out your eyes so much better.
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Notes from the underwhelmed promoted this comment Edited by madeofawesome at 11/13/09 10:39 AM madeofawesome was starred madeofawesome was unstarred

Notes from the underwhelmed
11/13/09

@madeofawesome: They will always give me traumatic highschool flashbacks. The biggest downside to switching schools was having to read "A Separate Peace" twice. #metrosexuals
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madeofawesome
11/13/09

@Notes from the underwhelmed: Ew. The other day I had to explain the cultural significance/major themes of the book to a bunch of high school kids. I probably single-handedly wrote their essays for them. #metrosexuals
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Notes from the underwhelmed
11/13/09

@madeofawesome: Stupid tree of life. #metrosexuals
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Zombies make the heart grow fonder
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
Cue South Park references from last week...1...2....3... #metrosexuals
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IndignationCoordinator
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues
"We are really trying to push a party night that is a safe place to go and have a good time without worrying about safety," the 27-year-old said.

Ain't nothing scarier than a polo shirt with a popped collar. Tuck that bad boy back in and I'm in my safety zone.

Now if only they can add "snapping fingers and approaching me all Jets-like" to the list of faux pas. #metrosexuals
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GirlFailer
11/13/09

In reply to Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues

But what about over tanned hides? #metrosexuals
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PaigeTurner
11/13/09

@GirlFailer: these just need to be banned. everywhere. #metrosexuals
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KaneBaker
11/13/09

@GirlFailer: Orangeface has to offend someone. I think Carrot-Americans need to speak out against this. #metrosexuals
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GirlFailer
11/13/09

@KaneBaker: Those poor people with excessive vitamin A disease don't deserve this! #metrosexuals
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BetteD
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
"Like a fucking...mint"

Beautiful. #douchebags
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salthegeek
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
My school has a big greek community so I see allot of these types of guys. One frat I think has a thing where they call a girl and mess with emotions or something. Hence me calling them the Purplebellies for that (I'll heart any one who gets that reference). #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Actually the Northeast title of "Guido" is misleading because I know a lot of Greek dudes in Queens who fall under that description. They are in their post-college 20s and all still live with their moms. #douchebags
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clevernamehere
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I think Guido is completely ethnically neutral. You can live with your mom or on your own. You an be unemployed, a builder or a broker. You can be a nice guy or a douche. It's a look, not a value judgement. #douchebags
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booter26
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I was thinking something along those lines-- that chart really fails to take into the diversity of California douchebaggery. Yes, we have a profusion of SoCal BroCals (actually the least offensive kind of douchebag I know...I barely suspected those guys were douchebags until now! I actually just thought they were called "50% of the guys who live in this city.") The "popped collar" Saguar-bro (who usually live in parts of California that people in the good parts don't really consider California so they even fit the criteria of "Wishing they were from California") is the most scorned of the species around here...and in rural areas, you are sure to come across more than your fair share of Ghetto Rednecks.

I imagine that the chart purposefully avoided getting "all racial and shit" (you know, unless you consider "Guido" a racial slur, which it um, kinda is), but what about a little shout out to culturally diverse douchebaggery?

Any culture with a language that includes a word for "stupid idiot" (probs all of them) has a population of douchebags.

California has, give or take, ~8 million Latino males and it's simply a given that some of them are going to be Pendejos. And the Californian Latino douchebag has several subcategories, with some overarching themes across the board.

Now, not that there aren't gang- affiliated douchebags, but if you are actually in a gang, then I think you have some credibility to dress, talk, and behave in the manner expected from One Affiliated With an Organization. Wouldn't call a Shriner a douchebag just for wearing his fez and riding a little bike in a parade, would you? You would?! It's for charity, people, charity!! Okay, bad example. My point being it's not the look alone, it's who that's wearing it. Douchebags are inherently posers trying too hard to be something they aren't, and so I would say the quintessential Pendejos of SoCal are 2nd or 3rd generation sons of the large Hispanic Upper-middle class in our area who dress like Guillermo in "Weeds", and threaten to start knife fights in between Honors English and AP Chemistry, leaving their parents bewildered, wondering why generations of their families have worked SO FUCKING HARD SO THEIR SONS COULD DRESS LIKE GANGBANGER TRASH??? And oh, how I cherish the California Persian douchebag penchant, the younger and richer of which are duly noted in Clueless: ("That's the Persian mafia. You can't hang with them unless you have a BMW.") The Persian community of my area does douchebaggery with such flair, I sometimes find myself willfully ignoring both the universal and culturally specific douchebag red flags all together and start threatening my boyfriend that I am going to leave him for my exotic suitor (i.e. the guy who sells me cigarettes and gum at the liquor store down the street). "Don't think I won't do it, Mister! He's a BUSINESS OWNER!!" I'm blinded by all the Gold jewelry. Plus, he knows a guy, owns a dealership. Can help me out if I'm ever in the market for a very expensive car with a prominent logo, like say, that one that he himself owns that he's pointing to outside. Yes, the one with the rims.

As a disclaimer, I mentioned the only two prominent non-Caucasian communities I am familiar with. I would hate to make uninformed, broad sweeping generalizations about people I've never met. God forbid. That would be completely against the spirit of this original post. ;-) #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/30/09

@booter26: Wow. Slow clap! I think you should write an article on this. Or a thesis! #douchebags
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