Douchebags - Jezebel

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Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
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Paul Janka, John Fitzgerald Page Try To Out-Douche Each Other On Dr. Phil

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BetteD
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
"Like a fucking...mint"

Beautiful. #douchebags
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salthegeek
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
My school has a big greek community so I see allot of these types of guys. One frat I think has a thing where they call a girl and mess with emotions or something. Hence me calling them the Purplebellies for that (I'll heart any one who gets that reference). #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Actually the Northeast title of "Guido" is misleading because I know a lot of Greek dudes in Queens who fall under that description. They are in their post-college 20s and all still live with their moms. #douchebags
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clevernamehere
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I think Guido is completely ethnically neutral. You can live with your mom or on your own. You an be unemployed, a builder or a broker. You can be a nice guy or a douche. It's a look, not a value judgement. #douchebags
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booter26
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I was thinking something along those lines-- that chart really fails to take into the diversity of California douchebaggery. Yes, we have a profusion of SoCal BroCals (actually the least offensive kind of douchebag I know...I barely suspected those guys were douchebags until now! I actually just thought they were called "50% of the guys who live in this city.") The "popped collar" Saguar-bro (who usually live in parts of California that people in the good parts don't really consider California so they even fit the criteria of "Wishing they were from California") is the most scorned of the species around here...and in rural areas, you are sure to come across more than your fair share of Ghetto Rednecks.

I imagine that the chart purposefully avoided getting "all racial and shit" (you know, unless you consider "Guido" a racial slur, which it um, kinda is), but what about a little shout out to culturally diverse douchebaggery?

Any culture with a language that includes a word for "stupid idiot" (probs all of them) has a population of douchebags.

California has, give or take, ~8 million Latino males and it's simply a given that some of them are going to be Pendejos. And the Californian Latino douchebag has several subcategories, with some overarching themes across the board.

Now, not that there aren't gang- affiliated douchebags, but if you are actually in a gang, then I think you have some credibility to dress, talk, and behave in the manner expected from One Affiliated With an Organization. Wouldn't call a Shriner a douchebag just for wearing his fez and riding a little bike in a parade, would you? You would?! It's for charity, people, charity!! Okay, bad example. My point being it's not the look alone, it's who that's wearing it. Douchebags are inherently posers trying too hard to be something they aren't, and so I would say the quintessential Pendejos of SoCal are 2nd or 3rd generation sons of the large Hispanic Upper-middle class in our area who dress like Guillermo in "Weeds", and threaten to start knife fights in between Honors English and AP Chemistry, leaving their parents bewildered, wondering why generations of their families have worked SO FUCKING HARD SO THEIR SONS COULD DRESS LIKE GANGBANGER TRASH??? And oh, how I cherish the California Persian douchebag penchant, the younger and richer of which are duly noted in Clueless: ("That's the Persian mafia. You can't hang with them unless you have a BMW.") The Persian community of my area does douchebaggery with such flair, I sometimes find myself willfully ignoring both the universal and culturally specific douchebag red flags all together and start threatening my boyfriend that I am going to leave him for my exotic suitor (i.e. the guy who sells me cigarettes and gum at the liquor store down the street). "Don't think I won't do it, Mister! He's a BUSINESS OWNER!!" I'm blinded by all the Gold jewelry. Plus, he knows a guy, owns a dealership. Can help me out if I'm ever in the market for a very expensive car with a prominent logo, like say, that one that he himself owns that he's pointing to outside. Yes, the one with the rims.

As a disclaimer, I mentioned the only two prominent non-Caucasian communities I am familiar with. I would hate to make uninformed, broad sweeping generalizations about people I've never met. God forbid. That would be completely against the spirit of this original post. ;-) #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/30/09

@booter26: Wow. Slow clap! I think you should write an article on this. Or a thesis! #douchebags
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theKP
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Ed Hardy definitely seems to be a theme. #douchebags
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BetteD
10/29/09

@theKP: There is never a bad time for that video. #douchebags
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Aaron Martin-Colby
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Look for it in the designer bag. #douchebags
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Jack_Burton
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Ed Hardy and VonDutch are not the problem, as they are (were, in 'Dutchs's case) artists.

Christian Audiger is not an artist, and that is the problem. #douchebags
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Uncommon Whore
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Heh heh. Scarface. #douchebags
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SlutaciousHo
10/29/09

@Uncommon Whore: That's what got me laughing out loud too. It's SO TRUE. I've been to many a frat house with "The World Is Mine" posters everywhere. #douchebags
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Uncommon Whore
10/29/09

@SlutaciousHo: Nice name, ho ;) #douchebags
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whynotshesaid
10/30/09

@Uncommon Whore: I read that, and then I died.

I've only seen the end of "Scarface," but I immediately knew why it was so popular among all flavors of douchebag - because Tony Montana is the biggest idiot to ever wield a machine gun. "No brains, all balls," is what I think I said. What a wretched movie. #douchebags
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halloweenjack, King of the Wild Frontier
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
I love how they re-spell "wigger" as "Whigga", as if all the corn country wannabes are basing their look on a nineteenth-century political party. Goin' all Millard Fillmore up in yo grill, yo! #douchebags
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MargaretMoony
10/29/09

@halloweenjack, King of the Wild Frontier: You better watch it! Ima going reform this parliament and after that let your momma vote! Word! #douchebags
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Jack_Burton
10/29/09

@halloweenjack, King of the Wild Frontier: Unfortunately, the "Whigga" example photo they used is the very real 2000-era Internet classic fools: the Icy Hot Stuntas ( [www.urbandictionary.com] - site may be NSFW) from Georgia... #douchebags
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BetteD
10/29/09

@halloweenjack, King of the Wild Frontier: Fan-fucking-tastic! Why must it be too late for COTD?! #douchebags
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telecomic the thoughtful red panda
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Thanks to the video link, my computer now smells like a high school dance in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. #douchebags
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Triana Orpheus
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
As funny as this was, I'm worried that people are becoming too accepting of dbags. From that "Is she really going out with him" show on MTV to Tool Academy to Jon Gosselin we are really starting to see people profit from being horrible. #douchebags
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wiccanhot
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
I have a gorgeous Ed Hardy scarf that I get compliments on when I wear it. (Ok, so I only wore it once. But it's still pretty.) I honestly don't get why Ed Hardy is associated with douchebags. Is it worn primarily by said people? Does it have to do with Jon Gosselin? Is the designer a douche? Enlighten me, please. #douchebags
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Lizard in the Wires now with even MORE metal in the face!
10/29/09

@wiccanhot: It's all those things are more. And that it's "manly" Lisa Frank. Replace unicorns with tigers and puppies with dragons and it's pretty much exactly the same thing. #douchebags
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wiccanhot
10/29/09

@Lizard in the Wires now with even MORE metal in the face!: Does that mean that girls who like Lisa Frank are d-bags? *is still confused* #douchebags
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Lizard in the Wires now with even MORE metal in the face!
10/29/09

@wiccanhot: Sorry, I'll try and be clearer. I think it has more to do with broadcasting to the world (by wearing Ed Hardy) that you still act like a child by dressing like a child (ala Lisa Frank), it's saying I love acting like a 2nd grader who can drink and has a credit card.

Although I'm sure your scarf is very nice, I mean even a stopped clock is right twice a day. It's when it becomes the shirt and the belt buckle and the hat and the necklaces...

(And children who like Lisa Frank are just being kids.) #douchebags
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OneTwoPunch
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Just had a crushing mammo and sonogram, so thank you thank you thank you. Actually tears of joy have sprung to my eyes. The white ribbon at the end just put me over the top. Oh, and keep popping those collars. Douche on! #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
I had the good fortune to grow up in CT, go to undergrad in NJ, and live (currently) in Queens. My world has been full of Tri-state d-bag. They are funny when you can laugh at them!

Example 2: "PROTEIN!!!" (above)
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Edited by Mary McCarthyite at 10/29/09 3:37 PM Mary McCarthyite was starred Mary McCarthyite was unstarred

Booksaretoo
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite:
The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly #douchebags
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MargaretMoony
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: Oh. My. God. That was brilliant. #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/29/09

@Booksaretoo: "Is that a hummingbird on your shirt, bro?"

"Get the fuck outta here bro!"

Hilarious. #douchebags
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Cunning_Linguist
10/29/09

@Booksaretoo: LOVE THIS. #douchebags
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noisy doll
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: this brings tears of laughter whenever I watch it. still good after like 2 years or something #douchebags
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bitingfairy
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
I saw a little girl with an Ed Hardy backpack yesterday and my first thought was 'douchebag!' and then I felt guilty. I can't get rid of the association. #douchebags
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CurtCole
10/29/09

@bitingfairy: I call little children douchebags all the time and I work for a children's hospital, so don't feel bad. #douchebags
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jigglyball
10/29/09

@bitingfairy: According to my teenage sister, Ed Hardy's daughter has a clothing line for tweens. Ah, nepodouchism.

ETA: I don't actually know who/what Ed Hardy is, so I will say that the daughter of someone in the Ed Hardy entity has a tween clothing line.
#douchebags
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Edited by jigglyball at 10/29/09 4:23 PM jigglyball was starred jigglyball was unstarred

JerkoftheMonth
09/13/09

In reply to Nominations: The Ass-Hat, Cat-Call Hall Of Fame
Last week I had some business to attend to in downtown LA and had two very different experiences. When I got off the metro at Pershing Square, a young man stopped me and politely introduced himself and said that he thought I was stunningly beautiful, and then he went on his way. Half an hour later I asked directions from a hotel bellhop and he replied thusly: "You're fiiiiiine."
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