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New York, 12:39 AM
Thu Nov 12
67 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #douchetasm more →

    "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of The HZA. The HZA.
    01/17/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    I hate PDA. Like there would be times I would tell dudes, "can you not hug me in front of my family? It makes me uncomfortable."
     Reply
    The HZA. was starred The HZA. was unstarred
    Image of boxspelunker boxspelunker
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    Am I the only person who does not like dirty talk? It always sounds so contrived and stupid. "I LIKE YOUR HOT PEEN IN PLACES THAT PEENS GO."


    This may also be because I only really use the correct anatomical terms. Except for the word "peen", which is not exactly sexy fun times.


    Also, being called a whore or a bitch or a slut is not exciting to me, it's humiliating.

     Reply
    boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred
    Image of scullymurphy scullymurphy
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    Was this written by Smoove B posing as a woman?
     Reply
    scullymurphy was starred scullymurphy was unstarred
    Image of TessDawgkatt TessDawgkatt
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    The last position suggested for number 18, the 69 while standing up... WTF?? I can't even... what?? That's seriously not suggesting the girl is hanging upside down, is it?
     Reply
    TessDawgkatt was starred TessDawgkatt was unstarred
    Image of Beat Girl Beat Girl
    01/16/09

    @TessDawgkatt: Yes. As often demonstrated by porn.


    Clue: Ordinary people don't get paid to do this shit, so even when it looks exciting, it has to feel exciting too - not like my head is going to explode.

     Reply
    Beat Girl was starred Beat Girl was unstarred
    Image of sybann sybann
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    The comments MADE this post. I envision readers of Men's Health all over the world with serious injuries.
     Reply
    sybann was starred sybann was unstarred
    Image of Remedios Varo can't see no huevos. Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    Many of my fantasies now involve women in tank tops, thanks to the blog Dorothy Surrenders.
     Reply
    Remedios Varo can't see no huevos. was starred Remedios Varo can't see no huevos. was unstarred
    Image of misspell misspell
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    Yeesh. It's really the tone that this 'woman' used while writing this horrid piece that made me throw up in my mouth a little, like girl-next-door meets penthouse letters. For someone who's so uncomfortable with sex that she needs her boyfriend to get her all liquored up, she sure writes like a phone-sex operator.
     Reply
    misspell was starred misspell was unstarred
    Image of DangerMouse DangerMouse
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    "Reward me for folding your T-shirts and cleaning the drain by making one long night of sex all about me."


    Okay, my fantasy: DO THOSE THINGS YOUR DAMN SELF.

     Reply
    DangerMouse was starred DangerMouse was unstarred
    Image of PilgrimSoul PilgrimSoul
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    This is seriously the most hilarious thread I've read on Jez in awhile. Kudos, ladies.
     Reply
    PilgrimSoul was starred PilgrimSoul was unstarred
    Image of Aesop's Foibles. YES. Aesop's Foibles. YES.
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    #27.


    Smack me about the face a few times for emphasis when you're talking to me. Poke my sternum with your finger a little. Nothing turns me (and all other women) on like a show of authority.


    #28.


    When I'm out with my friends, show up unexpectedly. Come up behind me, smile at my friends with your finger over your lips in a shushing gesture, and grab me by the hair and shove your tongue in my mouth. Then squeeze my breasts really hard while whispering "Be a good girl" menacingly in my ear. Then smile at my jealous friends and walk away whistling. SOO hot.


    Hey, this is easy! Just think like Penis Danger trying to think like a woman!

     Reply
    Aesop's Foibles. YES. was starred Aesop's Foibles. YES. was unstarred
    Image of Cerridwen Cerridwen
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    I hate the idea that this is telling men "I won't communicate to you about what I want but it is ok for you to assume what I want, not ask my permission or get my consent and do it to me anyway."


    Surprise sexy time can be great. Just the other day my boyfriend surprised me in the shower and it was fantastic. But this is only ok if you know your partner, are aware of their boundaries/comfort zone and are willing to respect them. It takes awareness and consideration. No two women are alike in what they like but you can be assured that pretty much every woman will not appreciate being coerced into anything.

     Reply
    Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred
    Image of special_boots special_boots
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    I just like the phrase "eat me like an apple."


    How painful does that sound??

     Reply
    special_boots was starred special_boots was unstarred
    Image of yvanehtnioj yvanehtnioj
    01/16/09

    @special_boots: CRUNCH!!
     Reply
    yvanehtnioj was starred yvanehtnioj was unstarred
    Image of Crabby Cakes Crabby Cakes
    01/16/09

    @yvanehtnioj: That comment made me clamp my legs shut and my teeth feel all weird now. Yikes!
     Reply
    Crabby Cakes was starred Crabby Cakes was unstarred
    Image of Cerridwen Cerridwen
    01/16/09

    @special_boots: Ow. I am literally eating an apple right now and reading that made my cross my legs a little tighter.


    Somewhat more amusingly, this reminds me of my sister describing the worst "manual stimulation" she ever received by saying "It was like he was trying to pick a lock."

     Reply
    Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred
    Image of hellosunshine hellosunshine
    01/16/09

    @yvanehtnioj: GAAAAAAAH! *crossing legs*
     Reply
    hellosunshine was starred hellosunshine was unstarred
    Image of SarahMC SarahMC
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    The shower ambush sounds like a recipe for a hideously unsexy time. Yes, please do creep into the bathroom and scald my clit with hot water whilst I have soap all over my face. Sounds "hot."


    Make sure you wait a couple days before you make your other suave move: Sneak outside in the middle of the night, climb to the top of the oak near my room and tap your fingers on the window by my bed. Wear a ski-mask; they really get me going.

     Reply
    SarahMC was starred SarahMC was unstarred
    Image of Crabby Cakes Crabby Cakes
    01/16/09

    @SarahMC: Use a crow-bar or machete to tap. It has a MUCH better effect.
     Reply
    Crabby Cakes was starred Crabby Cakes was unstarred
    Image of happysquid happysquid
    01/16/09

    @SarahMC: You just made me LOL...It made me think of this onion article: ""They are in a constant state of what aerospace scientists term 'mind-shattering terror,' frightened for their very lives," Russian mission director Vladimir Solovyov said. "And we have not even used the hull-mounted Alien puppet that taps on the window yet." [www.theonion.com]
     Reply
    happysquid was starred happysquid was unstarred
    Image of BorgQueen BorgQueen
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    #1 on the list of Universal Female Nightmares:


    ANYTHING INVOLVING WILMER VALDOUCHERAMA


    I think that is something we can all agree on, right ladies?

     Reply
    BorgQueen was starred BorgQueen was unstarred
    Image of Brigit Brigit
    01/16/09

    @BorgQueen: damn straight. He makes my downstairs lady sut herself down and go into hibernation.
     Reply
    Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred
    Image of Brigit Brigit
    01/16/09

    @Brigit: shut, not sut (or slut), she would never be a slut for that douche.
     Reply
    Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred
    Image of InCahoots InCahoots
    01/16/09

    In reply to "Woman" Pens Un-Universal List Of Universal Female Fantasies
    Strong stream of water to the clit? No, no, no thank you. Maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive, but having tried once it was not all that pleasant. And, as noted, if I'm squirming, get the FUCK off.
     Reply
    InCahoots was starred InCahoots was unstarred
    Image of morninggloria morninggloria
    01/16/09

    @InCahoots: Exactly. Dear mans, do you like a direct strong stream of water to the cock? No? Well, imagine that your cock is very very small, but has even more nerve endings. Now imagine a strong stream of water directly on that.
     Reply
    morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred
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