Jezebel: double standards

Yet again, Dan Savage grates on my nerves ...

Megan — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Yet again, Dan Savage grates on my nerves for being of two minds but only one kind of asshole when it comes to men, women and kinks. In his column this week, his first questioner (a woman) asks if it's possible for a man to cram his nutsack into her vagina for sexual pleasure and Savage calls her unnecessarily prudish for being a little shocked that the guy asked the question during a make-out session. But when a dude writes in about a drunken, semi-public one-night stand with a woman whose bowels went (intentionally or otherwise) a little loose during anal and didn't apologize, Dan Savage calls her a "tramp" and suggests the dude lose her number for having a "major malfunction." Um, double standards much? [Village Voice]

The Sexist Business Of Sex Writing

Tracie — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:00:00 EDT

I'm pissed. It's an anger that's been on a slow boil that's beginning to bubble over, and at this point, there's no putting a lid on it. I've been writing about sex on a pretty public platform for some time now, at first anonymously, and then under my real name. I've had to endure ignorant assumptions and cheap shots made about my looks, my weight, my vagina, my tits, my sexual health, my mental health, my morality, my character — and all for what? Being honest? For liking sex? I've poured my guts out all over my keyboard, and I'm well aware that that invites criticism, particularly on the internet, where people think they can say whatever the fuck they please — in the most offensive manner possible that they would never employ in real life — with impunity because they're protected behind a shroud of anonymity. It's frustrating. And lemme tell you, I am so sick of people telling me, "You write about sex and personal issues. You have to accept that people will sling insults." Fuck. That. Shit. I don't have to accept it. I refuse to accept it. Mostly because I know that this wouldn't happen if I were a man.

I'm pissed because people so frequently try to take women down a peg by attacking their sexuality, automatically throwing out names like "whore" and "slut." And that shit happens to me, even though I own my promiscuity. It's even more hurtful when it comes from other women.

Sexual double standards are still annoyingly prevalent, and tearing them down has been my personal crusade as a feminist. Accepting insults cast upon my sex life would be undoing everything I've set out to accomplish. I hate when people say that I fuck so much because I have a low self-esteem, or that I'm lonely, or that I just want attention. In fact, in my first ever post on my personal blog, I stated that the only void I'm trying to fill is the one between my legs. And I know that I'm not the only one. There are tons of other women out there just like me (you're probably reading this right now!), who engage in casual sex purely for the physical merits of it. And I think that we all find comfort or solidarity in sharing our stories with each other, because as women, that's how we do: Bitches love talking.

I feel defeated sometimes knowing that people aren't able to fathom that women don't need a reason to have sex other than just wanting to fuck. It's like, if we aren't in a relationship or prostituting, then there must something wrong with us. By saying that sex is only useful to single women as a commodity devalues our existence.

What's more is that I've never tried to be sexy in my writing. If anything, I like to explore the more unpleasant aspects of sex, because they're more interesting to me (like herpes or queefing). And you know, I don't have any delusions about being completely altruistic. I get plenty of benefits from writing about sex, like this job, for example.

I know I can tend to be all TMI, but I think that's because I place a lot of emphasis on I, and if people think that's TM, then TS. That's much more of a reflection on them than me. I've noticed that the shit I tend to write is like a literary Rorschach test.

And I'm probably preaching to the choir here, since this isn't a common problem I encounter on Jezebel (which actually proves my point that I'm not the only unabashed slut out there). But from here on out, I'm putting my foot down. I'm not taking any shit anymore, because like it or not, it's not gonna keep me from spreading my legs, my anecdotes, or my opinions. Real talk.

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?
Contrary To Popular Belief, Herpes Is So Whatevs
Last Night I Boned An AVN Award Nominee

Love To Cook? You're Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

Moe — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:30:29 EDT

Today we commemorated the passing of the author of the trailblazing I Hate To Cook Book — Sample passage: "Add the flour, salt, paprika and mushrooms, stir, and let it cook five minutes while you light a cigarette and stare sullenly at the sink." — by reading the rants of a bunch of women who love to cook about why, despite centuries of seemingly contrary societal conditioning, all the people who are famous for cooking always seem to be men:

I think women cook different food, and I think women cook better food. It's more from the heart and more from the soul. I look at this whole molecular-gastronomy thing, and I'm like, "Boys with toys." They're just fascinated with technology and chemistry sets. I think we make better-tasting food. I'm sorry, I know that's politically incorrect.

And although we always strive for political correctness here at Jez we're gonna excerpt some other scandalous bits from the article because we should really get to the bottom of this.

Patricia Yeo: "I think men aren't as nervous about asking [for funding]. They seem to be able to say, 'Listen, this is what I want, give it to me.' Women, I think, have a harder time with it. You get notoriety because you're a woman, but do you really want the notoriety because you're a woman? You want to be known just because you are a great chef."
Rebecca Charles "RC: It's the boys' club. It's incredible, and I never used to buy into stuff like that."
Alex Guarnaschelli: You have to put on a pair of fishnet stockings, and you have to get yourself on television. I find myself hoping I can get on a TV show and then people from Oklahoma will come to my restaurant. Then I'll be able to make enough money to open my own place.

So yeah, essentially women have problems getting famous for cooking because cooking is housework and anyone who is too good at housework should be seen and not heard, preferably in heels and fishnets, but occasionally a dude can come along and break the mold because he knows how to talk flashy and over-analytical to other dudes while his long suffering pastry chefs roll their eyes and stare stubbornly at the sink. Kinda makes you want to forget the food altogether and smoke a cigarette, eh? Hey, it works for models! Which is still about the only career in which women make better money than men.

Top Female Chefs [New York Magazine]
Peg Bracken, 'I Hate To Cook' Author, Dies At 89 [NY Times]