All insults spiral towards useless cliché. It's a strange, funny justice that everyone's hate mail sounds suspiciously the same, as if there were a single HateBot (TM) with tentacles plugged into clones pumping out this crap more homogenously than a copycat Swedish popmusik factory.
This is the next best thing to, well, having to pay to send Dooce email just to waste emotions. (Impractical mechanics render that more of a dream than reality.)
I'm usually in the camp of ignoring trolls, but ah, the smarter (or dumber, depending on your perspective) ones have figured that out, and easily move on to future targets who CAN be prodded. Their behavor won't be any better. Chronic daftness, alas, is not is short supply. And sadly, neither is bit-bullying.
Yet more perplexing are those who spew bile on the Internet, yet couldn't bear to say it to your face. And how's that for a coupling of cowardice and dishonesty?
Thankfully, Heather B. Armstrong has far more imaginative genius (GENIUS!) which rises above the din.
Ha! I like her... I'm gonna write some juicy hatemail so she can make a couple bucks more.
Seriously people: if you hate someone, IGNORE them. Nothing kills like neglect. Hatemail and pageviews only feed the beast (I'm looking at all you Perez haters who still read his site!)
Should I know who this woman is? I've never even HEARD of her and I don't watch Oprah (not because I hate her, but because she's on when I have either work or better things to do and I don't like her enough to waste DVR space on her).
@fantasylover: No, you "shouldn't" know who she is. She is not a policy maker, a political influencer and her thoughts and opinions will not affect your life in any way. She's just a funny writer who occasionally writes about deep, personal things. She wrote about post-partum depression and depression and motherhood before it was ever discussed on the talk shows and I think that more than anything helped build her following. I like her writing, but if you're not interested in the stuff she writes about then you're probably not missing anything. I think she's influential in that she basically created her own job and livelihood. Her family lives off the ad revenues from her blog. That's pretty fucking major. So to people who dream of making a living from writing she's shown another way of developing a voice, of creating an audience and of making a living.
I think (hope) the hate is balanced out by the love she gets. I met her at her book signing, and about two hundred people showed up, all excited to meet her. She stayed and took photos and spoke personally with everyone there. I can't dislike Heather, even if I can't really relate to being a mom. Then again, I thought that Kate Gosselin was delightful at a book signing too, so maybe I just like everyone.
Speaking of mommy-bloggers though, I often wonder if the Pioneer Woman gets hate mail. She must, but she really hasn't mentioned it, and she seems almost impossibly un-hateable.
@ChickyOnly: I met her at her book signing too! I took at 2 hour train ride to NYC when I was 9 months pregnant just to get a signed copy. She made me promise not to give birth at the actual bookstore.
I started reading long before I had children and know plenty of childless people who still enjoy her writing. I am firmly in the "I don't understand the hate" camp. And for the record, there is no way Ree gets hatemail.
@ChickyOnly: The idea of Ree getting hatemail is absolutely absurd to me, but I'm sure she does. The only things that anyone could possibly harass her about would be homeschooling and the calorie content of her amazing recipes. Oh, and the calf castration.
@BlondeGrlz: Oh wow, that definitely beats my hour-long drive to see her while non-pregnant. She was awesome in person - and if you DID give birth at the bookstore, perhaps you would have had a blog entry written about you!
@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: Have you tried many of her recipes? I'm obsessed. Her fresh corn casserole has people slobbering all over themselves whenever I make it. You can't go wrong as long as, like you said, you ignore the calorie content completely.
@ChickyOnly: People FREAKED out when she post a picture of her two kids sleeping in a pickup truck because they weren't wearing seatbelts. It wasn't even clear whether the truck was moving, and if it was, it was on their ranch!
Just another thing to throw on the 'reasons not the be a parent' pile. Having to give a shit about mommy blogs.
I just don't get personal anecdote blogs really, be they from this lady or what's-his-face Maxx that has an awful looking movie now. But I don't have an interest in NASCAR either.
But I do love reading emails from crazy people, so it's a toss-up.
angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip promoted this comment
Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense! was starred
Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense! was unstarred
@Lizard in the Wires is on Rails: I'm childless and have no desire to have kids (at least not for the next 10 years, maybe not ever) and I still really enjoy her blog. I like the way she writes, her honesty about her struggles with depression, and essentially how much it reminds me of being a kid (her stories about her daughter always bring me back).
I'm not saying everyone needs to like it, just saying it's not just another "mommy blog" (to me).
I've never read her blog, but I just did and I was pretty amused.
Trying to breastfeed your baby while not giving her the chicken pox virus while dealing with the pain of SHINGLES! Can't say I blame her one bit for saying, "Fuck it. Where is my money, haters!"
If I start my own blog, it's good to know I should use double-Os in the title. Goop. Dooce. Rooby de la Booby.
What kills me is the FEMALES (that they are is obvious) that are threatened by Heather's "female power" - you would think that if they weren't impossibly ignorant about their own sef-hatred they'd be celebrating her - not tearing her down.
I'm in the public eye (on the radio) and have never, and probably will never get used to how easily people express hatred towards those they've never even met. To me it's always spoken volumes bout how they feel about themselves.
And then I imagine saying, "do I call you at work and tell you how to flip the burgers?"
@sybann: Females? Reallly? Because I can tell you from the perspective of a female blogger--very left wing---that almost all of my trolls are men. I get the occasional woman, but the vast majority of them are men and conservatives, with a pinch of those liberal guys who don't realize 'liberal' has to include womens' rights.
@Ginmar Rienne: Also true in my experience overall -- though when we're talking about "You're so full of yourself" e-mails and comments in particular, I find a higher percentage of those are from women. (Meaning more women send that kind than any other kind. Men still send the most in every category.)
@Ginmar Rienne: I was specifically talking about Heather's Haters - you can tell that quite a few are women from what they reference - and it boggles the mind. Of course there are men too - and it's easier for me to understand them being threatened by a talented woman of strong opinions. That's what I was saying - I wasn't commenting on the ratio of male to female Internet trolls. I'm sure you're right. No one reads my blog. Heh.
I don't understand the Heather Armstrong hate. It'd be one thing if she was promoting a radical, bigoted agenda or something. She writes hilarious and sweet stories about her life. Don't like it? Don't fucking read her blog.
@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: It's so damn simple isn't it? But if she went away they'd have no one to abuse and make them feel better about their own pathetic lives and lack of talent.
I used to like her writing, but within the past couple years? Not so much. But the thing is, I can't pinpoint why. I've had this discussion with others and the attention she gets is only part of it.
After some thought, I don't think she is *IS* relateable at this point. Is she honest? Sure. Does she tell everyday stories? Well, I haven't looked in awhile...but I'll assume she still does. But...there got to be a point where things got less everyday, and a bit more frustrating. I don't know if its telling stories about her influence or talking about how the blog that she wasn't even writing daily was making her a lot of money...but I can't relate with that. And I certainly can't relate to getting thousands of followers kissing my butt in comments. No, really.
I mean, any blogger says stuff I don't always agree with and others agree with. That's fine, whatever. But a lot of people are talking about the mean comments...I mean, those seem like the minority compared to the many many many people saying "OMG I LOVE YOU YOU ARE TEH AWESOME DOOCE I WORSHIP YOU I AM A FELLOW MOM CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ON OPRAH!"
I guess what I'm getting with is I can't relate at all with someone who is rich as the result of a blog, seems to be mostly loved, and I'm rubbed even more the wrong way by making money off hate mail. She clearly has the right to do whatever she wants, I'm not denying that. But i see her as less of a "regular person" and more like a less glitzy version of some "celebs" who are famous for doing nothing. Perhaps its airing of her own dirty laundry, but to me personally? Its not a ton different than Paris Hilton profiting off a sex tape. Its just a different context: you put yourself out there, you find a way to make it work...then you don't really have to put out a lot of effort in order to be rich and famous. (yes, yes, sex tape versus airing personal stuff. I know. not the same thing. but either way? its just not my cup of tea and i prefer not to contribute to either of their giant paychecks.)
I realize this may sound harsh, but I just can't think of a less harsh way to put it. And no, I'm not going to leave any hate mail for her.
@tankearae: Yeah, see she's WRITING. That's not quite on the same level as being in a sex tape. Was she born to an incredibly wealthy family who has given her every single thing she's ever wanted since the day she was born? This whole thing is blowing my mind, that you would say this or that people would write her hate mail, who cares?!
@tankearae: I agree with (almost) everything you've said here. I think it's hard to draw an equivalence between her and Paris Hilton or Perez Hilton because she went into uncharted waters. Also, she's more talented than either of those two knuckleheads. There is no equivalence to what she's done, and I think that's why it's hard for people who dislike her (or are ambivalent or whatever) to articulate it without calling her a skinny bitch or hating on her chin. And I don't think it's UR JUS JELLUS syndrome. I think it's just that regular people can't identify with her anymore.
@stacyinbean: amen. also, i can't help to feel that her honesty about post-partum depression and depression in general actually helps people out. at the very least, i know she has brought a whole new level of awareness about it to my world.
@tankearae: I hadn't read her for quite some time, but a friend Tweeted about the Maytag debacle recently and I took a gander. The upshot of the Maytag story, to me, was that things came to a head when Dooce was out shopping and got a call from her personal assistant to let her know the repairman was leaving the house without having fixed the $1300 washer. Both the Armstrongs are stay-at-home parents, and yet she has a personal assistant. That just blew me away. I can't imagine the average stay-at-home mom reading Dooce's blog and identifying with it.
@cirocco: But they're not "stay-at-home" parents. From what I can tell, they both dedicate a lot of time and energy to their websites, which are their jobs.
@shushi: Yes, this. They're both parents who work full-time from home. I used to nanny for an illustrator who was there with us all day, and would take breaks to breastfeed the kid. She was not a stay at home mom, in the sense of having the freedom to be a full-time parent; she was an illustrator with a home office. If I wanted to keep up half the writing schedule I have now and raise a child, let alone two, I would need help -- even though I, too, am home all day.
Obviously, not everyone can afford the help option, and Armstrong's very fortunate to be paid as well as she is (and to be able to work at home doing something she loves, as am I), but it's not like she's sitting on her ass eating bonbons. She's running a small business, and now that business has an employee. If she worked out of an office and had an assistant, would you be so offended?
@stacyinbean: It was exaggeration and a very poor analogy, I didn't mean it literally. I've explained myself elsewhere downthread and won't furher get into it here.
@cirocco: That last sentence is what I was getting at. And I wonder if people still identify with identify with her on THAT level. I don't know if she still writes about the things she used to as I've only heard about things like that recently.
@Kate Harding: Co-sign.
@cirocco: Girlfriend has a job, which she does from her home. The dress code is pretty relaxed, but the impression she gives on her site is that she and her husband work pretty effing hard to keep their blogs up and running, plus various side projects. Anyone familiar with the internet probably realizes that actually making money off a site requires a lot of planning and hard work. So she has an assistant. And? My mom is a legal assistant and SHE has a secretary. Why is it weird for dooce to have one?
And seriously? About the washer? They saved up to get a really good one, like many families might choose to do. And then it broke multiple times, and the companies involved in the transaction refused to fix it in any reasonable amount of time, SEVERAL TIMES. Just because she's famous and influential and awesome doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a working home appliance. If the same thing had happened to me, I would have been screaming about how the CEO of Maytag could shove my non-working washer up his ass. The only difference is that Dooce complained and several million people read it. Big whoop.
And... most moms don't. I have no beef with Armstrong or her success. I just think it's disingenuous to pretend that her experience of motherhood is ordinary. It's fundamentally different, due to the cash flow and extra help.
Kate Harding above asked "If she worked out of an office and had an assistant, would you be so offended?" That's a spurious question. No one here has declared themselves offended. I think it's great that the Armstrongs have built a thriving business out of what was once a liability ("Dooce" first came on my radar when Armstrong was fired from a previous job for blogging--specifically, for saying nasty things about her colleagues.) Some of us just don't understand how other moms can relate to her. She has a cushion of wealth and assistance that other mothers don't.
I know some people hate her out of envy. I am not one of them. I just don't understand her appeal to the average struggling mother.
@Apple Brown Betty White: I think timing had a lot to do with her success. She started blogging early on and was fired from her job because of it, and that garnered her a ton of attention. At this point I'm sure there are plenty of blogs out there as well-written as hers, but she got in early.
@lowkeylo: I totally agree, and it's one of the main reasons I envy her so. She started building up a following when there was very little direct competition, and reading strangers' online journals was still a novelty. Today, the smartest, funniest person alive couldn't get a meandering personal blog off the ground from scratch like that.
BUT. The flipside of that is that she's been doing this for like 8 or 9 fucking years (which also partially accounts for the insanely huge readership), which demonstrates unbelievable dedication. I've only been blogging since 2007 (late 2005 if you count my meandering personal blog that no one read), and I have had more OMG I AM BREAKING UP WITH THE INTERNET FOREVER moments than I can count. She's also obviously got a load of business savvy, design skills, PR skills, photography skills and dog-training skills, on top of serious writing talent. And of course, she started out with little direct competition because she had the ovaries to go first, to just try this crazy blogging thing and see what happened. It took me years and an MFA before I got up the courage -- and frankly, I'm glad I didn't start a blog as early as she did, because my current blog would now be nothing but apologies for the stupid shit I wrote when I was younger.
So. Are there people out there who are as good as her and not getting anywhere near the attention? Sure. Is that, to some extent, a matter of luck, timing, and privilege? Sure. But I have no problem saying all those things and saying she damn well worked her butt off and earned it. So it irritates me like mad when people completely dismiss the second part. (Which is not what you did. I'm just ranty.)
I don't know, if I were going to send crazy hate mail to someone I don't know because her chin bothered me, I would definitely want to proofread it first. You know, so it was taken seriously.
@yidvicious: Precisely why most hate mail isn't taken seriously: spelling, grammar, and "why the fuck do you think I care what you think, anonymous loser?"
All bloggers are in some area - egotistical and even a little self-centered. I mean, look at everyone with a Live Journal / Word Press / Facebook. So that doesn't bother me.
09/18/09
This is the next best thing to, well, having to pay to send Dooce email just to waste emotions. (Impractical mechanics render that more of a dream than reality.)
I'm usually in the camp of ignoring trolls, but ah, the smarter (or dumber, depending on your perspective) ones have figured that out, and easily move on to future targets who CAN be prodded. Their behavor won't be any better. Chronic daftness, alas, is not is short supply. And sadly, neither is bit-bullying.
Yet more perplexing are those who spew bile on the Internet, yet couldn't bear to say it to your face. And how's that for a coupling of cowardice and dishonesty?
Thankfully, Heather B. Armstrong has far more imaginative genius (GENIUS!) which rises above the din.
09/18/09
Seriously people: if you hate someone, IGNORE them. Nothing kills like neglect. Hatemail and pageviews only feed the beast (I'm looking at all you Perez haters who still read his site!)
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Speaking of mommy-bloggers though, I often wonder if the Pioneer Woman gets hate mail. She must, but she really hasn't mentioned it, and she seems almost impossibly un-hateable.
09/17/09
I started reading long before I had children and know plenty of childless people who still enjoy her writing. I am firmly in the "I don't understand the hate" camp. And for the record, there is no way Ree gets hatemail.
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I just don't get personal anecdote blogs really, be they from this lady or what's-his-face Maxx that has an awful looking movie now. But I don't have an interest in NASCAR either.
But I do love reading emails from crazy people, so it's a toss-up.
09/17/09
I'm not saying everyone needs to like it, just saying it's not just another "mommy blog" (to me).
09/17/09
Trying to breastfeed your baby while not giving her the chicken pox virus while dealing with the pain of SHINGLES! Can't say I blame her one bit for saying, "Fuck it. Where is my money, haters!"
If I start my own blog, it's good to know I should use double-Os in the title. Goop. Dooce. Rooby de la Booby.
09/17/09
I'm in the public eye (on the radio) and have never, and probably will never get used to how easily people express hatred towards those they've never even met. To me it's always spoken volumes bout how they feel about themselves.
And then I imagine saying, "do I call you at work and tell you how to flip the burgers?"
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OK, I was projecting obvy.
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I used to like her writing, but within the past couple years? Not so much. But the thing is, I can't pinpoint why. I've had this discussion with others and the attention she gets is only part of it.
After some thought, I don't think she is *IS* relateable at this point. Is she honest? Sure. Does she tell everyday stories? Well, I haven't looked in awhile...but I'll assume she still does. But...there got to be a point where things got less everyday, and a bit more frustrating. I don't know if its telling stories about her influence or talking about how the blog that she wasn't even writing daily was making her a lot of money...but I can't relate with that. And I certainly can't relate to getting thousands of followers kissing my butt in comments. No, really.
I mean, any blogger says stuff I don't always agree with and others agree with. That's fine, whatever. But a lot of people are talking about the mean comments...I mean, those seem like the minority compared to the many many many people saying "OMG I LOVE YOU YOU ARE TEH AWESOME DOOCE I WORSHIP YOU I AM A FELLOW MOM CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ON OPRAH!"
I guess what I'm getting with is I can't relate at all with someone who is rich as the result of a blog, seems to be mostly loved, and I'm rubbed even more the wrong way by making money off hate mail. She clearly has the right to do whatever she wants, I'm not denying that. But i see her as less of a "regular person" and more like a less glitzy version of some "celebs" who are famous for doing nothing. Perhaps its airing of her own dirty laundry, but to me personally? Its not a ton different than Paris Hilton profiting off a sex tape. Its just a different context: you put yourself out there, you find a way to make it work...then you don't really have to put out a lot of effort in order to be rich and famous. (yes, yes, sex tape versus airing personal stuff. I know. not the same thing. but either way? its just not my cup of tea and i prefer not to contribute to either of their giant paychecks.)
I realize this may sound harsh, but I just can't think of a less harsh way to put it. And no, I'm not going to leave any hate mail for her.
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Obviously, not everyone can afford the help option, and Armstrong's very fortunate to be paid as well as she is (and to be able to work at home doing something she loves, as am I), but it's not like she's sitting on her ass eating bonbons. She's running a small business, and now that business has an employee. If she worked out of an office and had an assistant, would you be so offended?
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@cirocco: Girlfriend has a job, which she does from her home. The dress code is pretty relaxed, but the impression she gives on her site is that she and her husband work pretty effing hard to keep their blogs up and running, plus various side projects. Anyone familiar with the internet probably realizes that actually making money off a site requires a lot of planning and hard work. So she has an assistant. And? My mom is a legal assistant and SHE has a secretary. Why is it weird for dooce to have one?
And seriously? About the washer? They saved up to get a really good one, like many families might choose to do. And then it broke multiple times, and the companies involved in the transaction refused to fix it in any reasonable amount of time, SEVERAL TIMES. Just because she's famous and influential and awesome doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a working home appliance. If the same thing had happened to me, I would have been screaming about how the CEO of Maytag could shove my non-working washer up his ass. The only difference is that Dooce complained and several million people read it. Big whoop.
09/20/09
And... most moms don't. I have no beef with Armstrong or her success. I just think it's disingenuous to pretend that her experience of motherhood is ordinary. It's fundamentally different, due to the cash flow and extra help.
Kate Harding above asked "If she worked out of an office and had an assistant, would you be so offended?" That's a spurious question. No one here has declared themselves offended. I think it's great that the Armstrongs have built a thriving business out of what was once a liability ("Dooce" first came on my radar when Armstrong was fired from a previous job for blogging--specifically, for saying nasty things about her colleagues.) Some of us just don't understand how other moms can relate to her. She has a cushion of wealth and assistance that other mothers don't.
I know some people hate her out of envy. I am not one of them. I just don't understand her appeal to the average struggling mother.
09/17/09
Personally, her issues are not my issues. I couldn't care less about her latest pregnancy or what her kids just pooped.
But I don't see how anyone can deny that she is a solid confessional writer, and great at marketing, both of which I do respect.
09/17/09
Nope, you're not alone. Her name was vaguely familiar when I read this post and I've never read her. Couldn't care less.
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BUT. The flipside of that is that she's been doing this for like 8 or 9 fucking years (which also partially accounts for the insanely huge readership), which demonstrates unbelievable dedication. I've only been blogging since 2007 (late 2005 if you count my meandering personal blog that no one read), and I have had more OMG I AM BREAKING UP WITH THE INTERNET FOREVER moments than I can count. She's also obviously got a load of business savvy, design skills, PR skills, photography skills and dog-training skills, on top of serious writing talent. And of course, she started out with little direct competition because she had the ovaries to go first, to just try this crazy blogging thing and see what happened. It took me years and an MFA before I got up the courage -- and frankly, I'm glad I didn't start a blog as early as she did, because my current blog would now be nothing but apologies for the stupid shit I wrote when I was younger.
So. Are there people out there who are as good as her and not getting anywhere near the attention? Sure. Is that, to some extent, a matter of luck, timing, and privilege? Sure. But I have no problem saying all those things and saying she damn well worked her butt off and earned it. So it irritates me like mad when people completely dismiss the second part. (Which is not what you did. I'm just ranty.)
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All bloggers are in some area - egotistical and even a little self-centered. I mean, look at everyone with a Live Journal / Word Press / Facebook. So that doesn't bother me.
So, take the lemons - make lemonade.
09/17/09
And I think the what you just said has been said about all writers. I think its a true, too.
09/17/09