• Okay, so they're saying Beyoncé had a little armpit hair at the Cadillac Records premiere. 1) Who cares? 2) Can you even see it? [Mirror]
• A reader points out you can barely see Beyoncé's pit hair in Perez's pictures, though on TMZ, her pits seem especially hirsute. Photoshop of horrors? [Perez Hilton, TMZ]
• Surely when Kanye West said that Beyoncé is "just as great, if not greater, than artists we had in the past. She’s probably greater than Tina Turner," he had not seen this. [Perez Hilton]
• Tina Turner put on a show in New York right after being hospitalized for having a very high fever. Amazing. [Page Six]

• William Balfour, the man accused of killing Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother and nephew, is innocent, says William Balfour's lawyer. [People]
• Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil, failed a drug test, so he's headed back to prison to be Blake Incarcerated again. [Daily Mail, Mirror]
• Here's the thing: If Blake had stayed in prison instead of going to rehab as part of an early release, he'd be out at the end of the month. Now he could be in jail until 2010. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Remember how Miley Cyrus said she was "embarrassed" by her Vanity Fair issue with those suggestive Annie Leibovitz pictures? Well she told Scotland's Daily Record: "Everyone outside of America liked it a little bit more because that's more like the style, but the States are really conservative." And! "I would love to be a photographer. She was amazing and so talented and her lighting... I would love to work with her again. But I realize I'm just a kid." [ONTD]
• Madonna was in Buenos Aires yesterday, where she met with Argentine President Cristina Fernandez as well as former guerilla hostage Ingrid Betancourt. [USA Today]
• Twilight's Kristen Stewart will play Joan Jett in biopic The Runaways. Do we approve of this casting? [Hollywood Reporter]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham on her new clothing line: "Do I draw? No. Then again, nor do lots of designers. But I put it all on myself and walk around in it, and I know what feels comfortable. I know how a dress should sit. I’ve worn so many and when I see the photographs I think, crikey, my boobs are up round my neck again because the corsets are too short and not cut high enough." Ooh, and: "In these recessionary times, and at these prices, women are looking for something that will be an investment, aren’t they?" [Mirror]
• "I was never that good a singer, but I think I am good at fashion." — Victoria Beckham. [The Sun]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown are being sued by a photographer, who claims he was beaten and robbed of his $3,000 camera after taking a picture of the couple in May. Did the singers' bodyguards go ballistic? [TMZ]
• Hockey star and Vogue intern Sean Avery has been suspended by the NHL for making "inappropriate comments." He said: "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds," referring to ex girlfriends Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter, who are both dating other players. [AP, Gawker]
• A sneak peek at the season premiere of Lost! Drama for Kate and not-so-little-baby Aaron, involving the nature of their relationship… [LA Times]
• Christina Aguilera wears a heart-shaped locket with her son Max's name on it and a tiny drop of human blood. She doesn't say whose blood it is, but does claim: "I love the symbolism of the blood droplet. It's like Max pierced my heart." [Perez Hilton]
• Naomi Watts plans to get naked in the name of art. [Daily Express]
• First Alyson Hannigan, now How I Met Your Mother costar Cobie Smulders is pregnant, too. Something in the water? [MSNBC]
• Pete Wentz admits that getting Ashlee Simpson knocked up was a "happy accident." [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge has written a blog post in which she says: "I just want to put it on record that never did I EVER call Lauren a 'slut,' 'bad friend,' 'shady person,' etc. I simply asked her a question and that’s how she interpreted it. I didn’t go around town running my mouth either." Plus: "Justin and Lauren treating me like I wasn’t worthy of an explanation was almost worse than the rumor itself, and it only got worse the harder I tried to get a genuine answer." And! as for JustinBobby: "His inexcusable behavior has become somewhat expected at this point. And I just want to say that if I were looking for a serious relationship, I would definitely be looking elsewhere!" [People]
• Zoolander sequel: Good idea? Not sure. Me and my friends have been too busy sunbathing off the southern coast of St. Bart's with spider monkeys for the past two weeks, tripping on acid. Changed our whole perspective on shit. [ONTD]
• CBS has a midseason series called Game Show In My Head, a reality show produced by Ashton Kutcher. Contestants must perform "embarrassing and hilarious" tasks in front of strangers to earn cash. [NY Times]
• VH1 is ordering up 8 episodes of Tough Love, a reality series from Nancy Juvonen and Drew Barrymore's Flower Films. The premise: A group of women in a house get "ready" to meet Mr. Right by having their destructive dating habits "reshaped" at "tough love boot camp." [Variety]
• Johnny Depp's production company has acquired the screen rights to In The Hand Of Dante, a Nick Tosches novel. [Variety]
• Tyler Perry was in court over allegations that he stole the material for his blockbuster film Diary of a Mad Black Woman from a playwright named Donna West. [Yahoo News]
• Donny Osmond on gay marriage: "There are many gay individuals that are members of our church. I know many of them. In fact, some of my best friends are gay. You ask how I react regarding their marriages. Well, I do support our Church leaders who say that we can accept those with gay tendencies in our church as long as they do not act upon their temptations. Everyone has tendencies to succumb to temptation, but we all have the same standard given to us by our Father in Heaven. Whether we may be tempted to be immoral with members of our own sex or of the opposite sex, we are expected to live chaste lives." [Joe. My. God., Donny.com]
• Dylan McDermott, who married his wife Shiva Rose in 1995 and = with whom he has two children, will be single again on January 2, when their divorce is final. New year, new you. [TMZ]
• Kristin Chenoweth is working on a memoir, due in stores April 2009. [Daily Express]
• Ricky Gervais answers reader questions, and talks about the Beckhams being in an Extras special. [The Sun]
• Brandy, who has not recorded anything for four years, has a new album, out December 9. She still faces a wrongful death lawsuit which goes to trial in April, stemming from a car accident in which another driver died. Says she: "What I experienced in the past couple of years was tough, but I had to face it and find the strength to move forward. Connecting back with music has definitely helped me through everything. Once I got back in the studio, the butterflies went away." [Yahoo News]
• Julianne Hough and her boyfriend are "talking marriage" but are not engaged. [People]
• Gary Coleman was in court yesterday, facing a disorderly conduct charge from that Utah incident outside of a bowling alley. He paid $100, case closed. [ET]
• What's a Hollywood lawsuit without mentioning the name Bruce Willis? [TMZ]
• Former Playmate Shauna sand claims she was choked, punched and thrown across the room in front of her kids by her husband, Romain Chavent. She got a restraining order against him yesterday and the paperwork alleges that the Frenchman hit her in the breasts when she'd just had reconstructive surgery. [TMZ]
• Donald Trump is mad at his brother Robert, since Robert's getting divorced but failed to get a pre-nup. Ouch. [Page Six]
• "I have a passion for words. That has always been in me, and I wanted to see if I could come up with some interesting phrases. I wanted to make people laugh a little and to tell some good stories." — actor Christopher Plummer, whose memoir is "engaging." [WSJ]
• "Nobody really wants to recognize that Beyoncé is a fucking living legend." — Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every investor and financier turned down this film because of Mickey Rourke, but I wouldn't do the film without him." — Director Darren Aronofsky, on The Wrestler. [Page Six]
• "Some actors take drugs, drink, and act crazy to light a fire within them; others take drugs, drink, and act oddly to put out the fire in them. Mickey [Rourke] is one of those actors." — Alec Baldwin. [Page Six]
• "It is fun, obviously, to kiss Beyoncé. I insisted on a lot of takes." — Adrien Brody, on his role in Cadillac Records. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I got my gig late, got married late, had my kid late – and none of it came a minute too soon. All my life I'd had this problem with following through, not feeling that I was worth it. Not having a mother makes you think, 'If only I'd been better, she wouldn't have left me.'" — Mariska Hargitay. [People]
• "I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion. I remember whenever the book The Da Vinci Code came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times." — noted scholar Jessica Simpson. [Page Six]
• "I'm planning an album of all these great songs from the '60s that I've never covered before. It was such a magical time for music - groups like The Beatles, the Hollies, the Zombies, the Kinks, the Stones and singers like Dylan and Otis Redding… I want to pay tribute to a time when I used to listen to music on my little transistor radio or on my AM radio in my Ford Mustang." — Cher. [Page Six]

• Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are "quietly" shopping for a love nest in Manhattan. Is this relationship really real? And why so quick on the rebound, your Madgesty? [Page Six]
• Neither Angelina Jolie nor Brad Pitt can really cook. Angie's "signature dish" is cereal. Brad says, "I can rock a Sunday BBQ but that’s as far as my culinary talents go." [The Sun]
• Barack Obama will almost certainly be Barbara Walters' "Most Fascinating Person of 2008." [Rush & Molloy]
• Beyoncé, blue? Back in 1999, after Destiny's Child changed group members, and the former members accused her father of failing to share profits, Beyoncé felt that everyone blamed her for the group's troubles. She says, "For a couple of years when I was 19 I suffered depression." [Daily Express]
• Check out Beyoncé on the cover of Giant. [Concrete Loop]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty want to do a film together? Is this a joke? [The Sun]

• Amy Winehouse sent X Factor judge Louis Walsh a green tie and shamrock cufflinks as a thank you for being nice to her goddaughter Dionne, who visited the show. The gift came with a handwritten note. A source says: "I very much doubt that Amy wrote it herself as at the end of note there was just a scrawling signature in completely different writing." [The Sun]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince had a "scuffle" over their holiday plans: Kate had scratches on her cheek; Jamie had a black eye from her chunky ring. [Page Six]
• OMFG: Gossip Girl's Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr (Chuck Bass and Vanessa) were seen "canoodling" at the Dallas airport on Sunday night. [Page Six]
• Did anyone see Nastia Liukin on Gossip Girl last night? [LA Times]
• Speaking of Gossip Girl, Kelly Rutherford, aka Lilly van Der Woodsen, is expecting her second child. [ET]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is still with Chris Martin; the rumors that she'd shacked up with a real estate billionaire appear to be false. [Rush & Molloy]
• This reporter is shocked that there are dozens of Facebook groups dedicated to "bullying" Nicole Kidman. One is called "Am I Taking Crazy Pills or is Nicole Kidman the Worst Actress in the World?" and another is "Nicole Kidman Looks Like An Alien With Foetal Alcohol Syndrome." The writer claims, "She is hard-working and dedicated to her family and hasn't a hint of the prima donna about her, they say." [News.com.au]
• Kanye West was playing his new album for the band Keane so loud that he blew up the mixing desk. [The Sun]
• Try to picture Keanu Reeves on a panel with Caltech researchers. It's happening Friday; he's discussing his flick The Day The Earth Stood Still and how "science in the movie meshes with real world scientific research." [UPI]
• The new season of American Idol will be "more real" and "intimate" and "raw," "letting the kids be more emotional." Somehow, Paula Abdul plays a role in this. [MSNBC Scoop]
• You know how Peaches Geldof was working on a magazine? It's called Disappear Here and it will be distributed free on Thursday, in "secret places" in New York. [Gawker]
• News you can't use: Clay Aiken is a "hands-on dad." [People]
• Lost fans: There's a casting call out for a father and son who speak Arabic… Sayid backstory plotline alert! [EW]
• Former UCLA Medical Center employee Lawanda Jackson pleaded guilty Monday to selling confidential info about Farrah Fawcett's cancer battle to the National Enquirer. Plus, she used her boss's password to access the medical records of dozens of patients, including Britney Spears and Maria Shriver. She'll be sentenced in May. [Yahoo News]
• Parminder Nagra, who plays Dr. Neela Rasgotra on ER — and whom some may recall as "Jess" from Bend It Like Beckham, is pregnant with her first child. The baby daddy is boyfriend James Stenson, a photographer, with whom she's been for 7 years. [Us Magazine, UPI]
• Courteney Cox Arquette will be on three episodes of Scrubs, starting January 6. Matthew Perry will also show up on Scrubs, later in the season. [People]
• Eva Longoria smokes. [Perez Hilton]
• "Michael Phelps has turned into a party and poker animal, surrounding himself with bimbos and booze." [Page Six]
• M.I.A. is expecting a B.A.B.Y. and is keeping B.U.S.Y. — she has 3 songs on the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack and launched N.E.E.T., a record label to bring politically charged music to the mainstream. She says: "I think my baby is going to start off making club music. That's all I've been listening to. Of course, you never know. When you want someone to do something, it ends up doing the opposite. It might end up being an accountant." [USA Today]
• Uma Thurman's parents unknowingly hired Tanya Hollander — who is accused of booking call girls at Eliot Spitzer's fave escort service — to manage their upstate yoga center. [NY Post]
• Mariah Carey's husband Nick Cannon has purchased a million dollar ski chalet for Mimi in Aspen. Joint bank account though, right? [Mirror]
• Gabrielle Union says the rumor mill helps her dating life: "Ludacris and Hill Harper are two of my closest male friends, and people always said we were all dating. It's like they were blocking for me. I could date the people I wanted to date and no one ever knew because they thought I was, as somebody said, 'sucking face' with Hill Harper." [Daily Express]
• Ellen Page's Oscar nomination is not enough to get her membership in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences — the peeps who vote on the Oscars. [NY Mag]
• Cate Blanchett: Getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this Friday! [Daily Express]
• Akon's trial for endangering the welfare of a minor — stemming from when he threw a 15-year-old kid off the stage in a 2007 concert — has been postponed until December 17. [Perez Hilton]
• Donald Trump's brother, Robert, is getting divorced from socialite and major philanthropist Blaine Trump. [NY Post]
• Naomi Campbell's Russian billionaire boyfriend punched a photographer in the gut. [Page Six]
• We haven't seen Cher in a while, because she's been in Nepal working with orphans. [Page Six]
• Hear Helena Bonham Carter's voice in an MTV ad about domestic abuse. [Guardian]
• Singer Bryan Adams has called the cops over a mother and son stalker team. The pair — possibly from Romania and suffering psychiatric problems — have been following Adams for weeks. [The Sun]
• Did the fact that Axl Rose went "missing" for two months cost Guns N' Roses the number one slot on the charts? [The Sun]
• The set used for the British TV show The Office was destroyed after a massive explosion and fire. [Daily Express]
• "Some people talk about their personal lives a lot. I try not to, unless it's more of a generality. I don't want to broadcast my personal life because I feel it's off-putting. People are like, 'Oh, shut the fuck up. Cry me a river.' Who wants to hear the reality, really? You can't win." — Kate Bosworth. [Daily Expess]
• "I sit with my investors and business managers and accountants looking at the numbers and I’m like, 'Yo, the values of stocks in different areas that I invested in are decreasing!' So I take the loss like everybody else…I’m waking up in a room that was previously Mike Tyson’s bedroom, a fighter who earned over $500 million in his actual career, and when I purchased his house from him he was in bankruptcy…If that’s not a strong enough reminder for you, I don’t know what’s going to remind you to be aware of where you are financially and make conscious decisions…" — 50 Cent, in Forbes. [The.Life Files]

• Ellen and Portia will wed this weekend! Don't you wish they'd interrupt Olympic coverage to bring us love, LIVE? [Perez Hilton]
• Portia will wear a "flowing, form-fitting dress by Zac Posen." [Page Six]
• Christian Bale has been cleared of assault charges, you can go back to your regularly scheduled lust. [NY Post]
• Trump to the rescue! The Donald has saved Ed McMahon from foreclosure. He's buying Ed's house and "leasing" it to Ed so he can live in it. Dear Donald, I have my eye on a Tribeca penthouse… [Yahoo News]
• Sonya Dakar, an aesthetician with clients like Fergie, Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow, was arrested after allegedly assaulting and trying to bite an inspector who was checking out her cosmetology license. WTF. [TMZ]
• Uh, Actress LisaRaye and her husband, the prime minister of Turks & Caicos, Michael Misick, were both treated for bite wounds Wednesday night in the Caribbean. Not mosquito, not shark, but HUMAN BITE WOUNDS. Scenes of a deteriorating marriage. [Rush & Molloy]
• Amy Winehouse slapped another member of the public. Oh, and there's video. The woman did grab Amy's arm and try to pull her. Not that Amy handled it properly. [The Sun]

• Despite reports in this week's In Touch, Casey Aldridge denies he had sex with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson while Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. [The Superficial]
• Gwen Stefani: Still pregnant. [The.Life Files]
• Did Jennifer Love Hewitt slim down for the publicity? (Is there any other reason to do it?) [MSNBC]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Season two begins in the Hamptons and Blake Lively says: "There's a lot of juicy stuff in all of our lives." [ET]
• 90210 promo! With Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty! [Perez Hilton]
• Matthew Fox has resigned his Lost deal with ABC and is getting a salary raise: $225,000 per episode, up from $150,000. But can you put a price on brooding Dr. Shephard? [Reuters]
• Miley Cyrus has been hanging out with Adam Sevani of Step Up 2: The Streets. I saw that movie and I promise you he was the best thing in it. Anyways, they look cute riding bikes together, but that doesn't meet he's her boyfriend, sheesh. [Perez Hilton]
• Chris Brown's new track is floating around online but he is not happy. "I'm mad that it's leaked," he says. "The record's not finished. It's supposed to be me and Rihanna's duet." [USA Today]
• Say it with me now: DMX has been arrested. Again. Miami this time! [USA Today]
• Quentin Tarantino's flick Inglorious Bastards is already stirring up controversy: "The film depicts scalpings, disembowelment and swastikas being engraved in foreheads as a group of American Jewish soldiers are airdropped into Nazi-occupied Europe to wreak revenge on the Germans." [Guardian]
• If you're Mariah Carey you don't have to dry yourself off after a swim. That's what towel boys are for. [ONTD]
• Lily Allen has has written a new song wich imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily "attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to." Dunno about God, but Jesus definitely listens to Kanye West. [The Sun]
• Apparently Bono was blasting his own new songs out of a villa in the South of France, loud enough for passersby to hear and try to upload on YouTube. [The Sun]
• Peaches Geldof arrived back in London after her quickie Vegas wedding and promptly rung up her ex, Faris Badwan of rock band The Horrors. [The Sun]
• Except this report says she snubbed Faris and he had to read about her getting married in the paper. [Mirror]
• This purposely misleading headline: "Doherty's 8hr Visit To Dealer" is on a story about how Pete Doherty went shopping for antiques at 10 am and didn't leave until 6pm. Scandalous! [The Sun]
• Sir Paul McCartney cut a vacation short because his eldest daughter Mary gave birth to her third child. [Mirror]
• Noel Gallagher was drunk on Radio 1? What is this, 1995? [The Sun]
• Busy Philipps, of Dawson's Creek and Freaks And Geeks, gave birth to a baby girl on Wednesday. Birdie Leigh Silverstein's daddy is Busy's screenwriter husband Marc Silverstein. [Star]
• Rumer Willis says when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed" in the name department. "My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames. When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.'" [Page Six]
• "Jessica was well-developed, and every guy in high school wanted her and practically every girl hated her. Jessica put on a brave face, but it was a campaign of terror that just devastated her." — A source speaking about Jessica Simpson's new song, with lyrics about abuse. [MSNBC]
• Jerry Lewis says the gun found in his carry-on was a gift that he'd forgotten was in his luggage. [AP]
• RIP, grandma of Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Daily Express]
• Oh, and Cathy Z, who turns 40 next year, says: "I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet." [Mirror]
• "I still love her. I’m not really over her yet. We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She’s really got it. I think she’s great." — Bret Michaels on Ambre Lake. [People]
• "We are very close. We see each other as much as we can, but we’re usually in different parts of the world. When we have time off, I like to go and hang out with her. She has the cutest children – Finn [three years old] is just the funniest." — Emma Roberts on Aunt Julia. [Mirror]
• "He kissed me on the lips, and then he gave me a filterless cigarette. I came off all lightheaded and had to go sit on his dressing room steps. Maybe it was the cigarette and nothing to do with the legend." — Kate Moss, on meeting Frank Sinatra, in Interview magazine. [Rush & Molloy]

The Ugly:
Melania Trump's dress is as bad and as tacky as her husband's comb-over.
Mary-Kate: Time to take a page from sister Ashley.
Kimora Lee Simmons induces yet another bout with vergito.

This is not Dita's finest hour. Lady looks better with her clothes off than this hideous piece of garbage.
Janet Jackson's tasteful white sheath is all but ruined by the twin accessories of Donatella and Allegra Versace.
Is Naomi Watts headed to a costume party? Dressed as Marilyn Monroe?
Wow. Anna Wintour. Wow.

Earlier: At Costume Institute Gala Bad Tries To Triumph Over Good; Fails
At Costume Institute Gala The Good Superheroes Took A Fashion Flight Of Fancy

• Sam Ronson has "practically moved in" with Lindsay Lohan and "spends every night at Lindsay's" in an effort to "keep her out of trouble"? LOL! Lezbe friends — breast friends! [Page Six]
  
• Liz Taylor: Rushed to the hospital after mixing booze and pills. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Rob Lowe's nanny is claiming that he "exposed himself" to her. He also allegedly put his hand in her pants several times and grabbed her buttocks without her consent. Tsk, tsk. [People]
  
• Britney may release her video diaries, which contain rants about her family and friends as well as intimate info about Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline and details on her feud with Christina Aguilera. It's tough to admit this but they sound kind of awesome. [Mirror]
  
• Sure, the audience booed Heather Mills at the Miss USA pageant — but producers hated her too. [Page Six]
  
• Bill Cosby is releasing a rap album. Repeat: Bill Cosby is releasing a rap album. [USA Today]

• Ashlee Simpson recap: Us and OK! are reporting that she is pregnant; Pete Wentz, who is sleeping with her, swears she is not. [Page Six]
• Oh, a source says Ashlee is due in October. [Rush & Molloy]
• We're not saying he has um, shortcomings, but everyone laughs at Patrick Dempsey when he wears his Spandex bike shorts, he says. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé's next album may be her last! [Rush & Molloy]
• Donald Trump is grumpy because he wanted Miss Oklahoma, Lindsey Jo Harrington, to win Miss USA — instead of Miss Texas, Crystle Stewart. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which now-washed up '90s TV star is exasperating his agent by putting all his sexual conquests in touch with the ten-percenter? He talks girls into bed by promising the agent will meet with them." [Gatecrasher]
• Some officers from the Laguna Beach Police Department don't think Richie Sambora endangered his 10-year-old daughter when he was busted for DUI on March 26, since there was no smell of alcohol on his breath and no dangerous or erratic driving. [TMZ]
• Then again, he might be charged with DUI and child endangerment, both as misdemeanors. [People]
• Click here to see a picture from Ivana Trump's wedding. The bride is wearing a pale pink beaded gown and maybe a tiara (?) and the groom is wearing white. [People]
• American Idol contestant David Cook will have his brother Adam, who has brain cancer, in the audience tonight. [People]
• Heidi Montag had a fashion show for her Anchor Blue line, Heidiwood. How did she choose her models? "The ones who looked the most like me won!" she says. Plastic surge FTW. [ET]
• Kate Moss's boyfriend Jamie Hince filmed a video in his hotel room and things got so raucous the police were called. Rock. Star. [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller's top slipped down while she was frolicking in the surf in Malibu. View the nip slip! [The Sun]
• As you may know, the Jolie-Pitt kids love junk food. "If Zahara wants ice cream for breakfast, she'll get it," a source says. Plus neither Angie nor Brad can cook. [MSNBC]
• JK Rowling says the Harry Potter characters she created are like her children. She also says the books saved her: "Not just in the very obvious material sense, although they did do that. I would have to say that there was a time when they saved my sanity." [CNN]
• Kate Hudson wants another baby. "I can't wait to have more. I'm at that place when I'm ready to have another one and Chris and I are not together. I'm like, 'Oh no! Uh-oh! I'm ready.'" [People]
• The tax evasion trial of Girls Gone Wild founded Joe Francis has been moved from Reno to Los Angeles. [USA Today]
• John Cusack's stalker will stand trial. Cusack has accused the woman of throwing a bag of love letters, rocks and screwdrivers over his home's fence. Um, screwdrivers? [Reuters]
• Janet Jackson's diet might be ruining her chances to conceive a fetus, says a random source. [Times Of India]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has tentatively settled a lawsuit against Rockstar energy drinks for using his picture to promote the product without his consent. [USA Today]
• Richard Gere has a cafe and bakery in the wealthy New York suburb of Bedford. The town has a rule that fences can be no higher than 4 feet; Gere's fence is 5 feet tall. Uh-oh. [Yahoo News]
• "Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites. The tabloid magazines are the same every week. People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as Us Weekly as Star magazine. They're exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time. They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience.They go after those girls who exhibit more outrageous behavior. And, believe me, those girls love it. They call in items themselves — that they were at Nobu, some nightclub in SoHo. I can't think of anything more horrible than that. Publicity can be a drug." — Joan Collins. [Page Six]

• Is there a Heath Ledger love child? When Heath was 17, he dated a 25-year-old woman who gave birth to a baby girl after the relationship ended. [People]
  
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday. [Star]
  
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt did not get married and were not even in New Orleans. They were in Texas, where Brad is shooting a film. [People]
  
• Sarah Jessica Parker's 5-year-old son James is an Obama supporter. [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was attacked by fellow inmates in prison because they were convinced he had a secret stash of heroin. Blake has failed three drug tests while in Pentonville Prison and spends a lot of time in solitary confinement. [ONTD]
  

• Meanwhile, sources say Amy Winehouse's new album has lyrics that are so dark and bleak it's like "suicidal music." Looking forward to it! [The Sun]
• Hayden Panettiere was presented with an activism award from the Humane Society for protesting dolphin slaughter in Japan. Hayden says, "As an actress, you always dream of getting awards like the Golden Globe award, but I never expected to get an award that is this special and important to me as this." The dolphins say, "Eeeee iiaaaa iiiiaaa." [People]
• Kathie Lee Gifford has joined the cast of the Today show. Actual IM exchange: Dodai: EW EW EW EW. Anna: I KNOW. UUUUUGGGGH. [Today]
• Lindsay Lohan: Black to blonde. [E!]
• Kate Moss has taken her daughter Lila Grace to Disneyland! [Mirror]
• American Idol castoff Frenchie Davis will undergo surgery to remove a vocal cord polyp. Be well! [AP]
• Orlando Bloom and Harrison Ford were among those slimed at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards. [Mirror]
• Tyra Banks hosted the first Annual Fiercee Awards on Friday. The awards honor the women of America's Next Top Model and will air on April 30th. Yeah, you read that right. Fiercee. With two Es. [Concrete Loop]
• Will Smith's kids are freakin' cute. [Concrete Loop]
• Rapper Papoose is engaged to rapper Remy Ma and they plan to get married despite the fact that Remy Ma is facing a maximum sentence of 25 years in prison. The couple will be married in the prison chapel. Love knows no boundaries! [The.Life Files]
• Rod Stewart's 27-year-old son Sean has been hanging out with a 19-year-old Hollywood girl named Caleigh and seems to have stolen her car. Classy. [Page Six]
• Rod Stewart may be leaving England to move to L.A. because it's "a better place to bring up the children." Hahahaha. [Telegraph]
• Is Ashlee Simpson not doing Saturday Night Live this year because the show doesn't want her back after her 2004 lip sync kerfluffle? Or because her schedule doesn't allow it? [Page Six]
• Jamie Spears thinks daughter Britney should abandon music for a TV career, since How I Met Your Mother got such high ratings. Good idea? [Page Six]
• Meanwhile PETA is offering Britney Spears a job as a receptionist. Not a joke. [MSNBC]
• And Madonna wants to save Britney. [AP]
• Double trouble: Are Mary-Kate and Ashley feuding over their fortune? [MSNBC]
• Oh, and Madonna has earned millions with her new album, Hard Candy, even though it hasn't dropped yet: Tracks are being used in ads with major companies like Vodafone, Unilever and Fuji. We are living in a material world. [Telegraph]
• Not-so-blind item! "Which hip-hop mogul likes to practice nude yoga in a Chelsea gym steam room? His "pathetic" manhood has driven more than a few onlookers into fits of laughter." [Rush & Molloy]
• A fire at author Tom Clancy's Maryland home caused $10,000 worth of damage. A plot from one of his books? [TMZ]
• Rapper Tone Loc will play shows at two Detroit-area bars that were scammed out of money by a man posing as his manager. [AP]
• Ashley Dupre has been asked to join Donald Trump's new reality show which is based on the British series Ladette To Lady. The program, to air on MTV, will attempt to teach ladylike manners to 15 party girls. [UPI]
• Pete Doherty was seen out and about with his old flame, Nadine Roddy. Oh, and she's a Scientologist. [Mirror]
• Heather Mills will be a judge in the Miss USA pageant on April 11, joining such qualified luminaries as Joey Fatone and Rob Schneider. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp is making tons of friends and fans in Crown Point, Indiana, where he shook lots of hands and signed hundreds of autographs after shooting a film. [UPI]
• Eddie Van Halen's son says his dad is doing great despite his undisclosed medical condition. [People]
• Biggest Loser contestants Amy and Marty tied the knot Saturday in Charleston, S.C. Congrats! [People]
• Jack Klugman is suing NBC for profits from Quincy, M.E. — a problem with a contract he signed in 1976. [AP]
• Chris Brown on Rihanna: "We're not in a relationship or anything." Yeah yeah yeah sure sure. [Yahoo New]
• Ooh cute picture of Lily Allen as a kid! [The Sun]
• Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday: Jade Marie De Laurentiis Thompson. [People]

MOE: ah tere you are
  you can tell by my typing that I am extraordinarily hungover
But you will tell even moreso from my thought process
 
MEGAN: I am a little hung over myself, and dying for a Diet Coke. But it's pouring rain here.

MOE: OH my god the "Video Professor" himself is on Fox and Friends.
 
MEGAN: Nuh-uh! Switching now!
  
Wow, he's orange.

MOE: He's giving away a FREE BASKET of HIS INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS
Um and then they cut to a big segment on who got kicked off American Idol
Never suggest that Fox only has time for its right wing ideological agenda.
 
MEGAN: Does Elton think AI is still racist?
Okay, NO WAY is Donald's hair not thinning. Also, this is pretty much why I watch CNN even though they replaced my Soledad.

MOE: Yeah I would watch MSNBC probably because it's the Fox News of Trotskyists but ...I still can't figure out why they're both muted on my cable box. I think I should probably call time warner. But who wants to do that?

MEGAN: Oh, God, and be on hold forever? But at least it's not Comcast. Neener neener, Comcast, I got FiOS
Oh, God, that asshole that asked Chelsea about Monica is going to be on CNN. Does he not realize that everyone thinks he's a complete douchebag?

MOE: Okay so, some stories. Hillary wants grandkids. But why should we trust you, lying pimp puppet Chelsea? How do we know she didn't actually say, "I want a grandcat so in the middle of the night I can slaughter it??"
  Also, I don't care that that guy asked Chelsea that question.
  I mean, the way it was phrased was annoyingly Fox News.
  But fuck, she is an adult  
He looks like an ass.

MEGAN: OMG, totally. I just think it's a douche move to ask a girl about her father's affair. He is an ass.
 
MOE: Meh.
 I mean, I guess.

MEGAN: Ha, he's saying other dudes from his communications class wanted to know the answer. Because they're dudes.
 
MOE: The chance it would get answered by someone like Chelsea are so slim...the chance you'll look like an ass are so high.
 
MEGAN: They're all trying to figure out how to cheat on a woman and get her to stick around.
 
MOE: Fuck if Chelsea knows. She wanted her mom to leave him when she was ten or something.

MEGAN: Dude, so, remember how they passed that law allowing pilots to carry guns in the wake of 9/11? Yeah, some guy shot up his own plane by accident yesterday. I feel safer. You?

\
MOE: Oh god: 1. Who. 2. You know what's depressing is I just checked Facebook and my Horoscope says it's a good day for my "intellect" rating. And my initial thought was, "And I squandered it on THIS HANGOVER" and my immediate corollary thought was "Which is so bad I am believing my horoscope"? I think we should talk about that Pakistan story though. In the Washington Post, on how Musharaf's reduced powers are forcing us to bomb them with our own two ...well, bomb them unilaterally. Does this vindicate Obama? Because I'm really hungover.
  
But that's how it seems.
Also Donald Trump is on Fox & Friends talking about his brief run for the presidency. And he's saying that he didn't plan to run. "People tinkered with me. I made a speech in New Hampshire and people said, 'He's running!'" Um, Donald? Remember that book you wrote about your plan to run for president? Because I do. And it was AMAZING.
Donald Trump is like the apotheosis of everything I love about this country/city/dudes/etc.
 
MEGAN: Can Donald Trump just disappear again, like he did in about 1996? Because that was amazing.
Also, my Facebook horoscope says "A dramatic change in your attitude or appearance could have a negative impact on family relationships right now. You may not have done anything as drastic as a nose ring or a facial tattoo, but you could risk making a bad impression on someone whose help you will need in the future." Luckily, I barely leave the house, so I can't make a bad impression on anyone!

MOE: Ooooooh, this is what mine says.

It is impossible for you to be content with superficial answers now, and you are impatient with people who avoid looking candidly and honestly at root causes and hidden reasons for any problem or situation. You tend to force your views on other people now. Also, you can become obsessed with an idea or problem until you have figured it out.

MEGAN: My God, the Facebook horoscope people, like, know you. Today.

MOE: So did Hillary plagiarize her Bosnia trip account from Olympia Snowe?
  Is Chuck Phillips as much of an idiot as Bill O'Reilly, as Jay-Z once notably suggested?
Oh look, the GDP is suffering, but corporate profits are still on the rise! That's great, great news for those of us in the problem solving business.
 
MEGAN: Anyway, so on Pakistan. I can't believe that people were all freaked out about Obama saying we'd go after OBL in Pakistan with or without Pakistani permission. I mean, had it been the anti-war people freaking out, fine, but hawks were the ones who wigged. I mean, the only reason we haven't yet is so's we don't destabilize Uncle Pervy. But if we go after them now, maybe, Obama can actually live up to his doctrine about changing the way we do foreign policy or something.
Olympia Snowe's totally voting for Hillary I bet.
And Chuck Phillips must be the only person in the world that thinks that Diddy is anything but a middle class guy. He's probably even nice.
Also, if you'd like, a moment of silence. The inventor of the Egg McMuffin has gone to the Playland in the sky.
 
MOE: Oh, and shit, just in time for tax season: guess who's suddenly "under scrutiny" as a result of this financial crisis that no one understands: the accounting industry. What a surprise! You mean, the ones who actually understand this shit are the culprits? When was the last time the accountants were blamed for some arcane financial scandalcrisis thingy? The last time one happened? Speaking of, calling all corrupt accountants: I still need one! And now, to resume denial. Re Pakistan: everything you said. This is why I'm eager to see a McCain-Obama foreign policy debate play out. But Hillary is taking it to the Convention. Where, by the way, we are going. Don't worry if you want to bring someone home I can sleep through pretty much anything.
Holy SHIT re the egg mcMuffin! Did you see that I wrote about egg mcmuffins yesterday?
 
MEGAN: I did! Also, I was sad you didn't mention the time I actually made you one on your actual stove.
 
MOE: I was really hungover that time.
Or wait, in pain...something.
 
MEGAN: I remember, that's why I made you one! Runny yolks and all.
 
MOE: But thank you. I used to make those all the time on the actual stove but english muffins are curiously hard to come by and/or expensive in this neighborhood, in contrast to Harlem, where they were abundant and cheap.
I know you care, audience.
 
MEGAN: No, we were both shitty drunk the night before. That's when we met up with Greg Wassertrom and Hunter Walker and then you went to a party and I got drunk and waited for you at the bar downstairs and argued with some Hillary supporter just because I could.
Because I was feeling argue-y.
  Really? I'll bring English muffins up next time.
By the way, how much do you want to give a low dollar donation to get in on the raffle to have dinner with Obama? Because I want to. Bad.

MOE: Oh right. That night. I went to Jessica's house and we discussed ...cannibalism. I had just read that Harper's reading re cannibalism during the Great Leap Forward. Which, inspires me to bring you this small update re Tibet. 660 people have been held, according to the government. I am not sure why we are supposed to believe them, but that is what they say. And dinner with Obama: I knew when it started looking like he could become president that I was foregoing any chance for dinner with him, and that is okay.

MEGAN: Also, CNN is reporting live from Philly in front of the Art Museum and they are apparently having a Frieda Kahlo exhibit. I think we should task Commenter Braak to go and report back.
 
MOE: Hey Braak, speaking of, do you know about ESCHACON????
 
MEGAN: Only 660 people? That doesn't actually seem like a lot for China.

MOE: I am supposed to go down on Saturday and meet TRex and sundry other leftblogger types in Philly but...I also have like ninety other commitments, one of which is my sister, who just texted me telling me her newest documentary plan was "My Sister, The Marxist," and I should really try to do my taxes this weekend, if only for the sake of the art. Do you know there is a giant picture of ammunition on the front of the Times today and I havent' gotten to the story yet?Something about the Afghans. Ammunition is not the most photogenic thing, you know? I guess it's an image that conjures ...possibility. But.

MEGAN: Well, if you go, tell TRex I say hi and that I am mad at him for not inviting me, too. I mostly did my taxes earlier this week, I just now have to figure out that whole home office thingie and whether there's anyway that I can possibly get enough of a deduction out of that to make it worth my time to figure it out.

MOE: Oh my god the story is actually kind of amazing.

But to arm the Afghna forces that it hopes will lead this fight, the American military has relied since early last year on a fledgling company led by a 22-year-old man whose vice president was a licensed masseur.

MOE: Okay, so the company is called AEY. Hedquarters: Miami Beach. 22-year-old CEO Efraim Diveroli: hott.In a shaggy way. Contracts up to $300 million. Wiretap suggesting: corruption; old arms; everything made in China. I haven't gotten to the jump, but already I am going to tell you: Israeli mob. Ecstasy trafficker family. And that brings me back to Trump, and this story I did about how he was doing business with the Israeli mob — unwittingly of course. everything is unwitting with him.

MEGAN: Because he is witless?

MOE: But yeah. I'm telling you. Mark my words. His family is in the ecstasy business. If only they were selling that to the Afghans. Also: how are you supposed to transport anything into Afghanistan if you aren't somehow wound up with contraband traffickers? No one talks about what logistics geniuses the drug traffickers are, and how we could probably make business a lot more efficient by legalizing drugs and learning their secrets. Well no one talks about that because it is a retarded thought. I'm jumping.

MEGAN: Actually, that's not a completely retarded thought. I mean, heroin is really Afghanistan's most successful export and it gets grown and distributed well despite all its problems. Like, we can't even manage to distribute money not to grow it well.
 
MOE: Here is the masseur. Also hott.

MEGAN: Albania's defense minister? Totally fuckable.
The masseur looks high as shit and like a drug dealer. I'm sticking with the defense minister.
  The masseur's eyes are like something out of a horror movie.
Efraim looks stoned.
 
MOE: Oh Jesus.

Michael Diveroli, Efraim's father, had incorporated the company in 1999, when Efraim was 13. For several years, a period when the company appeared to have limited activity, Michael Diveroli, who now operates a police supply company down the street from AEY's office, was listed as the company's sole executive.

MEGAN: Nice. Efraim looks like one of those guys I would happily allow to hit on me in a bar and use his rather limited vocabulary to tell me how fucking sexy I am and how I should go home with him and who I will never actually go home with because I think if you cannot say "cunnilingus" correctly you probably aren't going to be worth the time or the condom to fuck.

MOE: Ephraim is a young Israeli mobster from Miami. I interviewed one once. He was a year from federal prison, not that he revealed that to me at the time. He was the cockiest motherfucker I've met in my entire life. But, in the words of the intern who transcribed the interview: "God he sounded hot."
'
MEGAN: A little arrogance can be attractive in a man, especially, say, if a girl is particularly used to dating guys with maybe not a ton of self esteem NOT THAT I DO THAT OR ANYTHING but too much just pisses me off because normally it's not backed up by anything.  
But I'm also older than your former intern.

MOE: On a note unrelated to sex, the thing this story is making me realize is that the cool thing about selling arms is that, unlike with lead toys or drugs, they don't seem to get screened so much. This guy seemed like he was picking his up in Albania — straight-arrow country, that Albania — and they'd originally come from China in the sixties and seventies. In the sixties and seventies, when arms were probably being smelted in backyards while people subsisted on other people, not to get to circular about things. I am still awestruck by the... awesomeness of this story. 
Incidentally, the Albanian they hired to repackage this shit, Kosta Trebicka, is also pretty hot.

MEGAN: Our government defense dollars at work. No wonder we're winning the war.

MOE: OH my god best. So last summer, Trebicka and Diveroli, the 22-year-old, were talking about how tough it was to do business in Albania, and the 22-year-old suggested that Trebeckia send "one of your girls" to have sex with the head of the export agency. "Money might help too." It always comes back to whores.

MEGAN: And money. Also, really? Did any of these guys have trouble getting laid without having to pay for it?

MOE: Not if they're drinking with me. But you know the neocons: they like a challenge.

[Los Angeles, January 6. Image via INF]

At this point, we hope that Ms. Conner and Ms. Begue both learn a thing or two from those most notorious of shamed pageant queens and "memoirists": Vanessa Williams and James Frey. Because not only can losing a pageant title can be the ticket to a successful career in pop music and television, making shit up in a non-fiction memoir will get you an even bigger book deal the next time around!

Miss France Keeps Title Despite Photos [Yahoo]

Tara Conner To Write Memoir Of Her Rehab Experience [People]

Related: Fuck The Bullshit: It's Time To Throw James Frey Down

Earlier: Miss New Jersey's Raunchy Photos Revealed At Last

Yeah, I must admit this subject is close to my "heart." I wrote a story about the Trumps once. And while I wouldn't normally do something so shamefully self-promotional as link back to my own story on the topic, I tried to apply that logic to the subject of the Trump family and it somehow did not take. Here is the gist: Ivanka helped ink a deal to do a building in Philadelphia with a real estate developer named Raoul Goldberg who was just two years fresh from prison for ECSTASY TRAFFICKING. Admittedly, he was hot.

When we spoke, Goldberg said Multi-Capital was also in talks to do Trump projects in Boston and Seattle and that the company was one of the major groups helping The Donald to develop a new image. What he would not say was how he knows Donald Trump, who his investors are, or who his family—whom he credits for getting him into the real estate business—is. This is probably because his family was named "Goldberger," not Goldberg. Until 2003, when he still went by the name Raoul Goldberger, he was primarily known as an up-and-coming drug trafficker who had been busted after a yearlong federal investigation for attempting to ship tens of thousands of ecstasy pills from Belgium.

Goldberger's lawyer made the case that young Raoul had been hurt at an early age by his parents' divorce and stung by a breakup with a young woman of mixed race who did not win his family's approval because she was not Jewish. Although he was sentenced to 46 months in 2000, he was released early in part because of a rare liver and spleen condition called Gaucher disease that he had been diagnosed with. After his release in 2002, he was supposed to be supervised for five years, but got a special dispensation to move to Belgium to pursue a business opportunity with his cousin Charles Goldberg. Somewhere along the way, he took the name Goldberg.

A full wall in her office is papered with magazine covers emblazoned with her image: Southern Seasons, on the occasion of a new Trump project in Atlanta; New York magazine; and Elle Mexico. ("That last allowed us to appeal to a female buyer," she said.)

Each cover, she said, represents a calculated effort to promote the family name. "What other developer could generate that sort of publicity for free?"

Oh, also in the Vogue story, she swears off "logo bags."

Introducing The Ivanka [NY Times]
Where's Donald? [Philadelphia Magazine]
Related: What's He Really Worth? [NY Times]

This sentiment was echoed in a New York Observer essay from earlier this year in which writer Molly Jong-Fast posited that the rich are having multas rugrats because "children last a lot longer than Jay Mendel minks and Hermès Birkins." Basically, having children is an exercise in narcissism! "From Sandy Weill (and his hospital) to Donald Trump (and his giant buildings with his giant name emblazoned on them in giant bronze letters), or Nina Griscom's shop or Tory Burch's clothing line, today's rich are obsessed with the idea of immortality in whatever shape that might take...As the English aristocracy has known for centuries, children are our only real way of perpetuating our names," Jong-Fast wrote.

Jong-Fast also noted the increase in stay-at-home moms amongst New York's uber rich. These are not the power couples so glorified in the 80s with their matching shoulder pads; today's penthouse dwellers "just hop right out of school and into the maternity ward: Do not pass go, do not collect even one paycheck. And these women who never worked can start popping them out in their 20's, which means that normal women can't possibly catch up. Maybe in that way, these young never-working baby-poppers are really asserting their power against a world filled with Ivy-educated egg freezers."

Reading this pair of articles makes me think exclusively of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Except for insurance guru Vicki, most of the women on that program don't have careers but started popping out wee ones in their early 20s. (Now, they spend their days binge-drinking and planning ludicrously expensive weddings to their wealthy Republican third husbands.) Are the Real Housewives encouraging the children-as-luxury good model? Are celebrities like Angelina Jolie doing the same? Are all these people destroying the delicate moral fabric of our nation? Fuck if I know, but the USA Today article notes that when birthrates are low, there aren't enough people around to support the elderly, and I certainly want someone to take care of me in my dotage.

rFertility rate in USA on upswing[USA Today]
Four's the Charm: Young Rich Can't Stop Procreating! [Observer]

Related: Teenage Sex Drive Trumps Abstinence Education

• The man convicted of killing Brandon Teena has recanted part of his confession and is now claiming he was the lone murderer. (Teena's story was the inspiration behind the 1999 film Boys Don't Cry, for which Hilary Swank won the Best Actress Oscar.) One thing kinda irks us about this news story: CNN insists on using his birth name "Teena Brandon" even though he lived and died as Brandon Teena. [CNN]
  
• That Planned Parenthood in Aurora, IL that was at risk of never opening because of some silly regulation violations? Well, a judge has ruled that the clinic will remain closed. As PP said after the ruling, "We wouldn't be here if this was a foot-care clinic." [Feministing]

• New York State has given the heave-ho to the abstinence-only education-funding the Bush Administration will not stop ramming down our throats. [NY Times]
• A judge in Kansas rejected State Attorney General Phil Kline's mission to require health care workers and counselors to report all underage sexual activity, including kissing. Seriously, dude, just read Penthouse Letters to get your rocks off, okay? [Ms. Magazine]
• Isn't the BBC supposed to be of higher quality than the junk we watch on American TV? The news network has decreed that only good-looking women will be reading the bite-sized news bits aimed at their younger audience. [Daily Mail]
• Donald Trump has hired Miss Teen South Carolina to model for Trump Model Management at a rate of $25,000 a day. Because everyone knows that there's nothing prettier than an empty brain cavity. [WorldNetDaily]

• Pete Doherty: arrested for drug possession. Again. [Guardian]
  
• In addition, Pete is dating ex-girlfriend Irina Lazareanu — the girl Kate Moss chose to model her Top Shop collection. Ouch! [Daily Mail]
  
• Uh, Kate Moss is planning a tribute song for Amy Winehouse? You really can't make this stuff up. [Daily Mail]
  
• Donald Trump thinks appearing on his new show, Celebrity Apprentice, would be a positive thing for Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to do. Sure, dude. [Page Six]
  
• There is a recording studio at Amy Winehouse's rehab facility. Keep the music coming! [Page Six]
  
• Justin Timberlake "will bleep anything," says a source. Good to know! [Page Six]

• Blind item! "Which Oscar-winning actor has his friends worried? His career's gone downhill since getting the gold statue and his drinking has increased tenfold. Now, he doesn't even try to hide his public drunkenness or his affairs." Guesses, please! [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan is looking to revive her recording career. Probably a good idea since she can't get insured for a film. [Rush & Molloy]
• Shar Jackson: Kevin Federline "is a great dad!" Oh cool, is it opposites day? [TMZ]
• Former Laguna Beach star (and ex-boyfriend of Lauren Conrad) Jason Wahler is being sued by a Department of Transportation officer who was towing his car when Wahler verbally and physically assaulted the officer — using racial epithets. [TMZ]
• Method Man will be lecturing to New York City high schoolers on the subject of the evils of marijuana. We sooo want to be there. [TMZ]
• By the way, Joel Madden has asked Nicole Richie to marry him. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline added Promises rehab to his list of subpoena recipients. Whatever they have to say is sure to be juicy! [People]
• Tom Cruise's new movie has injured 11 people, none of whom were Tom Cruise. [Breitbart]
• Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine on tennis star Maria Sharapova: "She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was." Hey, Adam — could it have been your fault? Maybe you suck in bed? Just saying. [The Sun]

New York, June 28. Image via Splash News.

This guy thinks he has any authority with regards to what constitutes mature behavior? Or women in general? Yeah, his daughter Ivanka turned out okay, but every time this blowhard has something negative to say about a woman, he invariably insults her physical appearance, femininity or personality. And of course, it's the opposite when he likes a woman, such as his own daughter, whose physical attributes he recently waxed poetic over. You know, as opposed to her fucking .
Trump's 'Lady' Comes To Fox [Variety]
Trump Skewers Stewart In Open Letter [People]
Trump: Miss USA Tara Conner Not Fired [People]
The Donald And Rosie: Pas De Dreck [Washington Post]