Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
New York, 2:30 PM
Sat Nov 7
62 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
tips@jezebel.com
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
Email | Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
Email | Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
Email | Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
Email | Twitter
Sadie Stein
Email | Twitter
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
Email | Twitter
Contributors:
Jenna Sauers
Email
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Lizzie Skurnick
Email
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
11/06/09
According to court records and other sources, Rihanna struck Brown in the face "numerous times" before Brown assaulted her. NCFM purports although that would not justify his more severe assault, her violence should not be ignored, and if she does not "woman up" to it then her message will be the usual one-sided double standards that leave female perpetration covered up.
The saying, "There is no excuse for domestic violence," applies to both sexes. Female violence in relationships is not rare but is often hypocritically deemed acceptable or humorous, such as in the film, Sideways. It is part of the cycle of domestic violence, which cannot be stopped without addressing the problem honestly. Children are damaged just by witnessing domestic violence, regardless of its severity. A 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and as controlling as men in relationships worldwide #rihannainterview
11/06/09
I wish Rihanna well and I hope she's on her way to having a great life. #rihannainterview
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
Just because he and I were once in love doesn't mean he wasn't any less abusive or I wasn't any less a victim. It doesn't downplay what I went through, or color over what he did. I still left him, he still suffered consequences, and it was still abuse. Nevertheless, love was there at one time.
I think women who have been through horrible abuse have enough to deal with emotionally without having to worry about nitpickers trying to tell them that they didn't love so and so, they couldn't have, that using the word 'love' glorifies the experience, etc. These are real people with real feelings, and as much as people might want to marginalize and pigeonhole, it is possible to love someone who hurts you. #rihannainterview
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
I also completely identify with her feeling that it was "embarrassing" to admit she loved him. I can say from experience that it TOTALLY DOES NOT HELP to have people asking you "What were you doing with him? I thought you were smarter than that. Why didn't you leave when you saw red flags?". Possibly well-intentioned questions like that are why victims clam up, don't talk to anyone about what is happening in their relationships, and feel shame later.
It's my belief that when Rhianna refuses to criticize him too much, it's less about him and more about her need to feel that he had some redeeming qualities - that there was some reason she was with him in the first place. It's about needing to feel that she still has good judgment, and isn't a total fool - or maybe that's just me, projecting how I felt.
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
When the red flags start popping up, there always seems to be one "friend" around who will make excuses for them. "Maybe he was just stressed from work", "Maybe you picked the wrong time to ask him about [X]", "Do you really want to break up over that one little incident?" And so on. Been there.
The "support" of "friends" (and even family) may not be a factor in Rihanna's case, but I'll bet it's a factor in lots of them. #rihannainterview
11/06/09
First - congratulations on getting out. I know how hard it is.
I still deal with this, and a series of "friends" who act like armchair quarterbacks, feeling completely justified in telling me what I SHOULD have felt or what I SHOULD have done - rebound guy even told me I was personally responsible for any woman my ex abused in the future. (Rebound guy bounced right off the backboard and outta my life soon after. )
We survived. We healed. We found a way to feel safe in our own skin again and still trust other people. For that I give you, and myself, a lot of credit. #rihannainterview
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/05/09
I appreciate that she is speaking out even after she went back to Chris Brown and left him again. If anything, maybe it will help people understand just how difficult it is to be involved in an abusive relationship, and how it can be difficult to leave for a myriad of reasons. It would be nice if we all behaved perfectly in accordance with our politics at all times, but the fact is, we don't, and it takes a brave person to be willing to own up when they fall short of the ideal. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
Maybe from afar I'm just trying to assuage her guilt because dammit it wasn't her fault. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
I think people sometimes forget how young Rihanna is.
As for Chris Brown, I feel like he still doesn't get it. That Larry King interview was bizarre. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
Yeah, I recall many people sticking to their "she's a role model" guns, and it makes me sick to think of her guilt. No one should have judged her decisions. They were hers.
That said, I am glad she's speaking out honestly. That takes a lot of courage. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
Hi, are you me? I used to tell myself those exact things, that I stayed because I was strong enough to take it. What bullshit. I may have been strong enough, but it misses the point that no one should ever have to take it in the first place. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
Um, really? Homegirl makes catchy tunes, but that's pretty much the long and short of it. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
morninggloria is entitled to hers, and you to yours. Thanks for stating the obvious. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09
And, like, Ricky Martin and the Latin Music Exxxxxplosion of the late 1990's.
Whatever people were seeing in Chris Brown, I never saw it. Obviously my opinion is subjective, but the slobbering maw of the music press has called 'em wrong before. #rihannainterview
11/05/09
Someone had to say it... #rihannainterview
11/05/09
11/05/09