Jezebel: domestic disturbances

"Honor Killings" In Western Pakistan Spark Parliamentary Protests

Jessica — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Newspapers across the world are beginning to report on a spate of "honor killings" that were perpetrated in the rural Balochistan province of Pakistan in July. According to UPI, the five women — three of whom were teens — were buried alive as punishment for "willfulness." The AP is reporting that they were killed "after the women defied tribal elders and asked a civil court to marry at least three of them." Muslimah Media Watch (MMW) points out that even though the killings occurred in July, the international media only picked up the story because a local blowhard senator, Sardar Israrullah Zehri, defended the honor killings as "our tribal custom" and sparked parliamentary protests by women's groups in Islamabad.

"Notice in both stories, the focus is on what the senator said (or didn’t say)," MMW notes. "The horrific murders of these women happened in July, over a month ago…There was nothing in major Western news outlets about this. But as soon as a senator says something horrible about the incident, there are three stories within a week. As if what the senator said in defense of the murders is more newsworthy than the murders themselves."

The bloggers at MMW also point out that the western media's coverage of these women ignores the strength of these women who defied cultural norms to seek happiness. "The women were not meek or timid…they were starting a revolution of their own and gave their lives for the cause. In order for their deaths to not be in vain, news outlets must recognize their bravery and their defiance instead of making them look like weak and submissive little girls," blogger Fatima writes.

The BBC is now reporting that two bodies have been exhumed, and that those women were shot and buried without a shroud. Despite the UPI's news that they were buried alive, these women appeared to have been dead before they were put in the ground. Police have arrested six people in connection with the murders so far, and these people are said to be related to the dead women. Sadly, two older women who tried to help the would-be brides were also kidnapped, according to the BBC. Despite the unfortunate comments of Sardar Israrullah Zehri, the Leader of the House, Mian Raza Rabbani said, "We condemn the heinous act and assure the House that a complete report on the incident would be submitted."

Burying Girls Alive Draws Pakistan Rebukes [UPI]
Pakistan Opens Investigation Into 'Honor Killings' Of 5 Women Who Tried To Choose Own Husbands [AP]
Mouth to Mouth: How Pakistani Senator’s Comments Overshadow the Real Story [Muslimah Media Watch]
Pakistan Women's Bodies Exhumed [BBC]

Last night, after we posted the clip of ...

Jessica — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:20:00 EDT

Last night, after we posted the clip of silver medal-winning pole vaulter Jenn Stuczynski being chewed out by her coach, Rick Suhr, we got an email from Jezefriend and awesome writer Arianne Cohen, pointing out an interesting detail in the dynamic between Suhr and Stuczynski. "In this Times article, it talks about how she LIVES all alone with him, on the second floor of a house in the middle of nowhere. He once mortgaged his house to pay for her training. So now she 'wouldn't ever move unless Rick moved,'" Ari, who used to work in a domestic abuse clinic, wrote to us in an email. Here's more of her take: "When I first read it, I thought, 'omg,' and now with the added bonus of watching their dynamic, this has all the markings of domestic abuse. Highly productive domestic abuse, but still, domestic abuse." Fingers crossed that with the Olympics nearly over, Stuczynski will be looking for new lodgings. [Arianne Cohen, NY Times]

Aussie Feminist Germaine Greer Argues That Domestic Violence Against Aboriginal Women Is Understandable

Megan — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:30:00 EDT

There are few countries in the world that have clean hands when it comes to the rights of indigenous peoples. From our own treatment of Native Americans to the behavior of the Chinese in Tibet and beyond, there too often has been and too often remains an us-and-them mentality on both sides that is harmful for all involved. Australia is no exception. Despite Kevin Rudd's official apology to the Aborigines and Torres Strait Islanders for their treatment at the hands of the Australian government, his government continues to support and fund the previous government's Northern Territory Intervention, which puts troops on the streets of Aboriginal towns (among other seemingly repressive measures) to combat the well-documented widespread epidemic of domestic and child abuse. That said, feminist Germaine Greer's response to it is nearly as shocking. She suggests that domestic violence is an understandable outlet of rage against oppression and thus argues that we shouldn't ask them to stop. What?!

When I first saw this story, I thought she was joking, but she's not. In trying to argue that rage, substance abuse and violence is a result of the oppression of the Aboriginal people, most people would be hard pressed to say that she's wrong. Addiction begets addicts, violence begets violence, and crushing and hopeless poverty and societal isolation does nothing to help. But that does not mean that no one should try.

That the NT intervention is heavy-handed and sucks at fixing the problems in Aboriginal society probably goes without saying. In 1999, one report found that "in Western Australia, Aboriginal women are more than 45 times more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than non-Aborigines." Putting troops on the streets, or interviewing every child about abuse, or curtailing welfare payments is not going to combat a systemic and (at this point) multi-generational problem. It requires education and equity in the legal system and would probably be assisted by poverty-eradication programs, better health care and living conditions and efforts to right the wrongs of racism (like some version of affirmative action). But it does not mean, as Greer suggests, "They can't get over [their rage] and it's inhuman to ask them to get over it."

If one accepts the premise that Aboriginal men are — consciously or subconsciously — expressing their rage over their position in Australian society on the bodies of Aboriginal women and children, one must also recognize that it is the wrong outlet. But domestic violence (as we learned yesterday) also stems from sexism, from an attempt to assert power over another person and from the failure to understand that it's completely wrong. That, even as Ted Bunch noted, more "brown and black men" are punished for it than white men is not a reason to refrain from punishing the former, but a reason to increase the equity in the system for the victims of the latter. And the last thing a feminist ought to be doing is advancing the idea that domestic violence is an understandable reaction to racial oppression and can thus be dealt with, if it still exists, when racial oppression is gone.

Australia Apologizes to Aborigines [International Herald Tribune]
Senate Paves the Way For NT 'Emergency Intervention [Crikey]
The Storm Within [The Age]
Germain Greer Writes on Aboriginal Rage [UPI]
The Truth About Aboriginal Domestic Violence [The Australian Paper Archives]

Ted Bunch Tries To Stamp Out Sexism, One Abuser At A Time

Megan — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Ted Bunch is one of the co-founders of A Call To Men and runs the Domestic Violence Accountability Program of Safe Horizon. His program, based in New York, only accepts men referred by the court system as a condition of probation because he got sick of seeing men attend to prove to their girlfriends that they've changed and to get out of doing time. But he doesn't run a counseling service or provide group therapy to guys who have beaten their partners — his program is about understanding sexism as a man.

Bunch's group sessions involve a male and a female leader who don't take crap from their attendees and call them out when they say sexist things. They discuss everything from why a man would refer to grown women as "girls", to why catcalling is not a compliment to the women abusers additionally tend to harass, and any other sexist acts women are stuck dealing with on a daily basis. The men are asked to think about sexism as another way of exerting dominance over others, in the same way many of them have experienced being harassed by the police based on the color of their skin. Bunch doesn't fool himself that he's changing many minds — his advise to victims of abuse is to expect the same abuser back no matter how much he promises that he's changed — but he figures that maybe getting them to think about sexism and to be held strictly accountable for attending the classes (at the risk of being jailed) is a start.

Bunch probably wouldn't self-identify as a feminist, but he says such wonderfully feminist things like:

Calling [violence against women] a woman’s issue serves men because then men don't have to get involved in it. We need to start re-framing it, holding men accountable, changing the language so we have to start looking at our statistics in a different way like what you’ll see if you Google "domestic violence" is "domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women." That talks about the victim, but it doesn’t say anything about the perpetrator.

He also thinks we should all start saying "the leading cause of injury to women is men's violence." It's Bunch's combination of cynical resignation about the men he serves and his hopeful idealism about the society he'd like to change that makes him — and the work he's trying to accomplish — so fascinating.

Class Teaches Respect for Women to Batterers [WNYC.org]

New Illinois Law Requires Domestic Abusers To Wear GPS Trackers

Jessica — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 16:40:00 EDT

This is a picture of Cindy Bischof, a real estate broker in suburban Chicago. According to the Chicago Tribune, Bischof was killed last year by a deranged ex-boyfriend named Michael Giroux, whom she had taken out a restraining order against. In fact, Giroux had spent two months in jail for violating that restraining order, but after his release from prison, he shot Cindy in the parking lot outside her office before shooting himself. Cindy's brother, Mike, and the rest of her family, used the tragedy of Cindy's death to lobby for a law passed last week by the Illinois legislature, a law that sanctions the use of GPS technology to track batterers who have violated their restraining order, Ms. reports.

Ms. notes that 60% of these types of restraining orders are violated each year, and that several other states have implemented the use of GPS to track abusers. The technology is already widely used to track sex offenders and other ex-cons. According to Ms., the way the technology works is "the offender is outfitted with an electronic anklet that communicates with a satellite. The victim can designate “exclusion zones,” such as her home or office, in which she would like to be protected. In the best programs, if her abuser enters these zones, police and the victim are notified immediately."

Of course, as Ms. notes, there remains a question of civil liberties being violated, especially since many accused abusers are often required to wear the GPS anklets before they go to trial. Are these violations worth it as long as women's lives are being saved?

Tracking The Abusers [Ms.]
Cindy Bischof's Legacy [Chicago Tribune]

Public Opinion Down On British Working Mums

Jessica — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:30:00 EDT

A new study out of the UK says: get back to the kitchen, betch! Well, it doesn't exactly say that, but the survey conducted by Cambridge University sociologists shows that the number of people who believe "family life would not suffer if a woman went to work" has dropped substantially since 1998. Back in those hazy Blair/Clinton years, 51% of women and 45.9% of men believe that family life would be okay if women worked, and a follow up in 2002 showed that only 46% of women and 42% of men were supportive of women working outside the home, the BBC reports.

But! There's a silver lining, as most Brits no longer believe that it's the man's job to work and the woman's job to raise wee ones — only 31.1% of women and 41.1% of men believe in this old-fashioned notion, down from 59.2% of women and 65.5% of men in 1984. "It is conceivable that opinions are shifting as the shine of the 'super-mum' syndrome wears off, and the idea of women juggling high-powered careers while also baking cookies and reading bedtime stories is increasingly seen to be unrealisable by ordinary mortals," says Cambridge sociologist Jacqueline Scott.

Really Jacqui?? Are we still pretending that this "super-mum" was ever anything but a fantasy meant to make women feel guilty if they weren't perfect? I've said it before here, and I'll say it again: parenting takes compromise, and children miss out if a father is never, ever home just as they suffer if a mother is never home. Every individual makes the choices he or she believes is best for their family — however — it does make me wonder why this shift has occurred. As it has been noted, there's been somewhat of a renewed backlash against feminism since the riot grrrl-friendly 90s, and certainly there has been a glorification of motherhood, with every celebrity baby bump receiving hysterical coverage on the internet and in magazines.

Speaking of the glorification of past ideals, there was an article in CNN yesterday about the "growing trend" of stay-at-home wives without children. First of all, the statistics they gave on this "trend" were vague at best, so I'm going to have to assume that it was manufactured by an editor who realized it was August and that he was going to have to come up with something to write about in this molasses-slow news month. Anyway, CNN dug up some boring-ass ladies who fill their days doing laundry, charity work, and "creative writing." Apparently, they are less stressed out than when they worked! Imagine that! Doing yoga all day and a few errands is less stressful than a full time job!

Anyway, I'm less irked by these women than by the attitude above that women working outside the home is harmful to children. There are many, many, different kinds of full time jobs, and it's terrifyingly reductive of people to think that working moms are anathema to healthy kidlets.

[Image via Harvard Gazette]

'Support For Working Mums Falls' [BBC]
No Kids, No Jobs For Growing Number Of Wives [CNN]

Venezuela's Domestic Violence Levels Almost As Bad As Russia's

Jessica — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Remember last week's story about Russia's alarming level of domestic abuse? Well Venezuela's situation is not much better, despite a promise from President Hugo Chavez in March, 2007 to ameliorate the incidence of such crimes. A woman dies from domestic violence once an hour in Russia, while every 15 minutes in Venezuela, a woman is attacked. According to a report released last week by Amnesty International, the March 2007 law "defines violence against women as a human rights violation and reaffirms the responsibility of the state and its officials to eradicate it," which one ups Russia, where violence against women is still not a crime. However, Chavez vowed to open more women's shelters, and has not made good on his promise. There are currently only 2 operating shelters in the entirety of Venezuela, a country of approximately 27 million.

Carlos Lusverti, Amnesty's general coordinator in Venezuela, told the AP that shelters are pivotal in helping battered women, because "One of the first things you can do is separate them from the place where they are the victim of aggression." Despite Chavez's sketchy track record (in general) he has come through with at least a few of his promises from that 2007 address. According to According to a Venezuelan news blog called Venezuela Analysis, earlier this month, "The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Luisa Estela Morales, had created a new tribunal which would focus exclusively on violence against women and will have the capacity to try 5,000 cases per year." But, with 90% of domestic violence cases still unreported, Venezuela has an incredibly long way to go.

Venezuela Abuse Efforts 'At Risk' [BBC]
Amnesty International: Venezuela’s Record Mixed on Eliminating Violence Against Women [Venezuela Analysis]
Amnesty: Venezuela Neglecting Battered Women [AP]
Venezuela; New Law For Women 'Useless Unless Fully Implemented', Said Amnesty In New Report [Amnesty International]

Earlier: Every Hour, One Russian Woman Dies At The Hands Of A Male Family Member

Every Hour, One Russian Woman Dies At The Hands Of A Male Family Member

Jessica — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:00:00 EDT

So far, our coverage of Russian women on this site has been limited to the fuchsia excesses of teen billionairess and burgeoning fashionista Kira Plastinina. Well, an NPR report that aired this morning shows a sobering reality of Russian womanhood that's so far from Plastinina and her rancid materialism as to be rendered absurd. Gregory Feifer reports from Moscow that 14,000 women die each year in Russia at the hands of their male partners. What's more: wife beating is not considered a crime, and 50% of women in a recent survey say they have been physically abused by their spouses. "The real number of victims is impossible to count as [domestic violence] is seen as a private matter, not to be aired in public," Feifer said. In fact, Feifer notes that there is an old proverb that many Russian women seem to have internalized: "If he beats you, he loves you."

There is no upside to this story, so I will continue to list the gritty details. According to Amnesty International, "The Russian Federation does not have a specific law on violence in the family," and NPR reports that for the police to intervene in a domestic violence situation, the injury has to be so grave as to "prevent you from work for two weeks."

Number of women's shelters in Moscow: 0. Number of beds in the nearest women's shelter to Moscow: 7. Because housing is so expensive in Russia, many women, like one of the women interviewed by NPR, have to go back to living with their murderous ex-husbands because they can't afford to go anywhere else. Amnesty International tells almost the identical story, one of a woman named "Anna."

In December 2003, after her husband had threatened to set her on fire, Anna finally decided to file for a divorce. Incensed at her action, her husband destroyed the family’s possessions, including dishes and clothes. In March 2004, a week after the couple had been officially divorced, she returned with her older son to the flat, as she had nowhere else to go. Her ex-husband told her that he did not recognize the divorce and that he was going to have sex with her. During the incurring argument he doused her with inflammable liquid and tried to set her alight. While Anna had witnesses who could confirm what had happened, the police told her they could not do anything, because he "had not committed a crime". According to Anna, the police did not pay attention to the fact that he had a lighter nor did they check her coat which was soaked in the liquid.

Some Russian women, like pop star Valeria, have started to speak out against the endemic violence in their country, but silence on the matter still seems to reign. To send money to Amnesty International, click here.

Domestic Violence A Silent Crisis In Russia [NPR]
Russian Federation: Nowhere To Turn To: Violence Against Women In The Family [Amnesty International]
Domestic Violence: Russian Women Speak Out [BBC News]

Britain: Making It Easier For Women To Stay Home, And Reinforcing The Stereotype That They Should

Megan — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:00:00 EDT

As if there hasn't been quite enough said about the work-life choices women get to make, Nicola Brewer, the chair of the Equalities and Human Rights Commission in Great Britain, ignited a debate about maternity leave and its effect on women's careers this weekend that has landed her in a spot of hot water. Recently, the government decided to change the laws on maternity leave to require employers offer mothers up to a year off instead of the current nine months, which sounds totally great on the surface but for one thing: men get 2 weeks paternity leave. What that means is that the government is sanctioning the expectation that women will be the primary caregivers, making it nearly impossible for men to share in those responsibilities (or to take them over) and doing nothing to advance the cause of actual equality.

Yes, there is a social expectation that women will be the primary caretaker of children, and it's great that the government takes some small steps to allow women to transition more easily back into the workforce and have flexible hours if they want them. But by putting those responsibilities solely on women, the government is basically saying that it is, in fact, a woman's role to be the primary caregiver. That's not actually a great thing for equality.

Duncan Fisher, who heads the British think tank the Fathers Institute, hits the nail on the head with two points: gender stereotypes in child-rearing are reinforced by unequal pay with which women struggle; and "allowing" women to transfer part of their government-mandated leave to their husbands does nothing to give men equal opportunities and continues to reinforce the idea that it is a woman's role.

Furthermore, both Brewer and Fisher pointed out that while it's great for the government to allow people to take leave, both genders struggle with the fact that actually doing so can cause harm to their careers. Brewer notes that many women are being ignored for positions because of the expectation that they will take their full year and ask for flexible hours, while Fisher notes that men are often looked down upon for taking time away from their careers to help rear their children.

It is great for a government to mandate employer-flexibility for parental leave, but it's crappy for both parents and the society as a whole when doing so continues to reinforce the stereotype that child-rearing is "women's work." It's also worse when it's tied up in issues like pay disparities (which the government is also trying to tackle). Parental leave issues are tied to equality both in the workplace and in society as a whole, and caught up in everything from child care costs and availability to the way "flexible" hours are viewed by employers to pay disparities and gender stereotypes. While the government can't mandate that fathers stay home or put an end to stereotypes about the appropriate gender roles in relationships, it could at least try not to reinforce outdated ideas of gender stereotypes like the idea that a stay-at-home dad is something so unusual.

Equality Laws 'Are Now Holding Women Back' [The Times]
Paid Maternity Leave Does Us No Favours Either, Say Fathers [The Times]

23-Year-Old Woman Leaves Religious Sect, Loses Daughter

Jessica — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:00:00 EDT

When learning about the most Orthodox sects within any religion, it's very easy to judge their more extreme rituals as freakish. I think I was a little guilty of painting the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints with the freak brush, and I will consciously try not to do that with the Satmar Hasidim from Kiryas Joel, a group of ultra-religious Jews who are the subject of this week's New York Magazine cover story. Here's the gist: a young woman named Sterna "Gitty" Gittel Grunwald, 23, (pictured) used to live in the upstate New York town of Kiryas Joel, which is an exclusively Satmar enclave. Much like the FLDS, the Satmars arrange marriages and don't believe in birth control. After marrying a man named Yoely when she was 17 and having a daughter, Esther Miriam, Gitty realized, “I couldn’t live in KJ anymore, that I didn’t want to be one of those women who pop out babies every eighteen months and think whatever their husbands tell them to… When Esther Miriam was born, that raised the stakes, because now there were two of us. Two KJ girls.”

With the help of her secular Jewish grandparents, Gitty moved to Brooklyn and tried to start a new life with Esther Miriam. All was basically well until January, when Esther Miriam was snatched from a local playground during preschool by envoys from Kiryas Joel. Since then, Gitty has been battling with Yoely for custody of Esther, and her story really highlights the way religion can tear families apart.

The following passage shows the extreme pain felt by both Gitty and her (now ex) husband. Even though the practices strike me as incredibly controlling of the female body, you can also see how Yoely would find Gitty's behavior so terribly upsetting:

The critical battleground in the War Between the Grunwalds would prove to be niddah, or “separation,” i.e., when the menstruating female is considered “impure” and kept apart from her husband. “It isn’t just your period,” Gitty says. After a woman stops bleeding, she has to wear white underwear for seven days, checking constantly to see if there’s any discharge. Should spotting occur, the woman takes her underwear to a special rabbi who examines the color, shape, and density of the stain. It is he who divines when it is safe for the woman to immerse herself in the mikvah (ritual bath) and be reunited with her husband. “Great, huh? Some old rabbi looking at your panties with a magnifying glass?” Gitty asks. “This was so embarrassing to me. In KJ, everything is about sex—this idea of sex made up by men from 300 years ago. I wouldn’t do it anymore. I stopped counting, wore black underwear. I walked around the house in shorts, because when you’re impure, your husband can’t touch you or even look at your arm. Yoely would hide his eyes and start crying, ‘Put on your turban, please put on your turban.’ ”

I'm sure he really thought that Gitty was going to invoke the wrath of G-d by not wearing that turban. It's easy for us to judge the Satmars, call them backwards and misogynistic and sad. And while I privately do think those things, religious freedom means never telling someone else how to live. What is galling, however, is that the Satmars believe that they get to be the arbiters of Jewishness. According to New York: "On one of their last visits, [Gitty's grandfather] saw one of Gitty’s young stepbrothers regarding him warily. 'The kid says, ‘Dis is a Yid?’ I felt like screaming, ‘Yeah, for 70 goddamn years!’ But it wouldn’t have done any good.'" Oh man. If they're going to demand tolerance, they should preach it as well.

Escape From the Holy Shtetl [NY Mag]

Atlanta-Area Man Accused Of "Honor Killing" Of Adult Daughter

Jessica — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:30:00 EDT

On Sunday, Chaudhry Rashid, the 54-year-old owner of a pizza parlor outside Atlanta, was accused of strangling his 25-year-old daughter, Sandeela Kanwal, because she filed for divorce to end her marriage. While authorities claim that Kanwal had an arranged marriage from which she was escaping, Rashid's lawyer, Tammi Long, tells the Atlanta Journal Constitution: "I don't know anything about an arranged marriage…I am not positive that is a factor in this case." Rashid, for his part, claims innocence and purports to be crushed by his daughter's death, though all evidence in Kanwal's death points to him.

We blog about stories involving domestic violence against women all the time, but it's worthwhile to point out the way in which stories about immigrants, specifically Muslim immigrants, are covered in a different way. An Atlanta Journal Constitution story from Tuesday notes that Mr. Rashid, a Pakistani native, "told the judge he wanted to observe his Muslim beliefs in the Clayton jail. He wants to follow a diet that forbids the consumption of pork in any form and requires other meats are prepared according to Islamic rules." Question: Is it customary for articles about alleged murderers to discuss their jail house dietary needs? Are reporters, consciously or unconsciously, trying to cast Rashid as the "other" when all that really matters is that a young woman is dead?

Dad Charged With Murder In Bride's 'Honor Killing' [CNN]
I'm Innocent, Says Man Held In Daughter's Death [Atlanta Journal Constitution]
Father Accused Of Strangling Daughter Over Marital Dispute [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

Women Are Often 'Trailing Spouses' Because Of The Jobs They Choose

Jessica — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Now that families with two working parents are the norm, couples are beginning to bicker over who becomes the "trailing spouse." According to CNN, the "trailing spouse" is the one whose career is subordinate. For instance, if a husband has to relocate for his job and the wife agrees to it, despite her career taking a hit, she's the trailing spouse. Mary Noonan, author of a study about working couples, says that wives are more often than not the trailing spouse because, "men and women are taught to play very different roles within marriage. Women are socialized to play a homemaking role within the family, whereas men are encouraged to focus on their careers and breadwinning." But I think the socialization goes a step further. As we've discussed, women are opting out of many science careers, and few go into other extremely demanding fields like politics. Women are choosing jobs from the get-go that are more malleable.

One of the "trailing spouses" interviewed for the CNN piece, Dayna Steele, is a former radio host who just wrote a book, and she's married to Charles Justiz, 55, a NASA research pilot. The couple has been fighting recently because Steele's media appearances are becoming a bone of contention. "I have tried very hard to schedule around my husband's full-time job and keep him posted on my schedule, confirming dates before I book them," Steele says. "Then, he started scheduling things over mine without telling me." To which her husband responds: "We've had some collisions…I can't call NASA and say, 'Excuse me, I can't come in because my wife has a book signing.'"

And really — he has a point. Steele acknowledges that Justiz's job is the one with long term stability and benefits, so it would be foolish for her job to take precedence as his is necessary for their financial solvency. It seems like a vicious cycle: women often take jobs that are innately more flexible (the other woman interviewed for the CNN story was in PR), and so they don't really have a leg to stand on. However, like all things in long term relationships, each major move a couple makes takes discussion and compromise on both parts.

[Image via CA Magazine]

Career Couples Fight Over Who's The 'Trailing Spouse' [CNN]

Earlier: Why Women Are Opting Out Of The Hard Sciences

America Loves Abused Puppies Approximately 2.5 Times More Than Battered Women

Jessica — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:40:00 EDT

Did you know that there are 3,800 animal shelters in the United States, but only 1,500 shelters for abused women? Economist Allison Schrager is well aware of this fact, and she wrote about the puppies vs. people issue in More Intelligent Life. You might be thinking that it's not an either animals or women issue, that it should be both, that we should support the humane treatment of any being. But it turns out that for many philanthropists, it is either/or. Schrager talks about a charity devoted to helping battered women, called the Retreat. "The charity is located in East Hampton, a posh beach community, full of people who make philanthropy a part of their financial and social lives. Yet she struggles to find donors," Schrager notes. "In response to her requests, [the fundraising director] often hears, 'Well, no one I would know would be a victim of domestic violence. Besides, I already give money to the animal rescue charity.' The animal rescue charity is one of the best endowed in the area."

Perhaps, as Schrager points out, people are more willing to give money to animal organizations because they perceive animals as blameless. Battered women? Not so much. "Perhaps we prefer helping animals because we believe they have a greater need. People often think a battered woman is free to leave her situation, while animals are physically prevented from leaving," Schrager writes. "Humans are easier to blame for their circumstances. Because we do not grant animals the same freedoms, we also do not assign them the same level of responsibility for their situation."

So is it wrong to give money to animals when you don't give money to human causes? Is there a charity hierarchy that should be widely acknowledged?

Does One Abused Woman = 100 Abused Puppies? [More Intelligent Life via Newser]

Breaking: a judge has issued a warrant for ...

Jessica — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Breaking: a judge has issued a warrant for the arrest of Drew Peterson on gun charges. Of the guns that were confiscated by police, one was too short under Illinois law. Peterson is a former police officer whose fourth wife, Stacy, has been missing since October. His third wife's death was recently ruled a homicide. [My Fox Chicago]

Uncovering Domestic Abuse Can Start At The Doctor's Office

Jessica — Tue, 20 May 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Many doctors are reluctant to probe patients about possible domestic abuse, but studies show that merely asking a battered woman if she has been abused can help her. Barbara Gerbert, director of the Center for Health Improvement and Prevention at UC San Francisco tells the New York Times, "Just by asking, you may be planting a seed for change." Even years later a woman might remember her doctor reaching out to her and be moved to ask for help. Experts are recommending that doctors now screen for domestic abuse even when there is no physical evidence, as domestic violence is, "more common in women than many diseases for which doctors regularly check, including breast and colon cancer, and its health risks are well documented," according to Dr. Erin Marcus, associate medical director of the Institute for Women’s Health at the University of Miami, writing for the Times.

Only 7% of women say their health professional has ever asked them about domestic violence, notes the Times, and many of the doctors feel that asking is ineffective and a criminal justice issue — not a medical one. All the while, "Abused women are at increased risk of chronic pain, depression, anxiety and alcohol and substance abuse, and they can have problems taking their medication correctly and getting to appointments. In one recent study, women who said they had been abused within the past year were more likely to have partners who interfered with their medical care," according to the Times. The issue speaks to larger questions of health care, because we're dealing with a system where many battered women don't have health insurance to go to the doctor in the first place.

All the same, Felicia Cohn, director of medical ethics at UC Irvine laments that "the continuing inattention [to domestic violence] is both inexcusable and embarrassing. This is a public health pandemic with immense health care implications.”

Screening for Abuse May Be Key to Ending It

CDC: 25% Of American Women Are Victims Of Domestic Abuse

Mother/Daughter Conflict + Bad Brain Chemistry = Self-Mutilation

Jessica — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 09:30:00 EST

Did you hate your mom as a teenager? Who didn't! But a negative relationship between mothers and daughters taken in tandem with low serotonin levels could lead to cutting and other self-harm, a new study shows. Fraught mother/daughter dealings alone generally do not inspire cutting, says study co-author, University of Washington psych professor Theodore Beauchaine. It's the combo of low serotonin ("an important chemical for brain stability," says Science Daily) and poor mother/daughter relations that's really the one-two punch. "Most people think in terms of biology or environment rather than biology and environment working together," says Beauchaine. "Having a low level of serotonin is a biological vulnerability for self-harming behavior and that vulnerability increases remarkably when it is paired with maternal conflict."

How bad does a relationship have to be to get branded as "negative"? The researchers at the University of Washington chose a topic that both parent and child said was a "serious issue." The most common area of conflict was chores. Mother and child then discussed the sticky subject for 10 minutes, while assistants recorded and coded the conversation. According to Beauchaine, "You would think that they would be civil to each other in this kind of situation, but many of these topics were hot and within five minutes some of our subjects were arguing with each other."

"Once self-harming behavior starts it is difficult to stop," Beauchaine added, "So you want to prevent this behavior before it starts." But is every parent of a troubled girl supposed to get her serotonin levels checked just in case the young woman might start up with a razor? That doesn't sound practical. Lots of mothers and daughters have arduous relationships: how can you know when it's veering into truly dangerous territory?

Mother-Daughter Conflict, Low Serotonin Level May Be Deadly Combination [Science Daily]

Swedish Man Drugs Pregnant Girlfriend In Attempt To Induce Miscarriage

Anna — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:30:00 EST

Three months after a Wisconsin man reportedly laced his pregnant girlfriend's food with the abortificient RU-486, comes news that a 27-year-old Swedish man has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for doing the exact same thing. The unnamed Swede reportedly attempted to make his girlfriend of eight years miscarry by grinding up abortion-inducing pills and mixing them into her yogurt. "The woman ate the yoghurt and suffered severe stomach pains and vaginal bleeding," reports CBS News (via AP). "When she later realized what she had eaten, she decided to have an abortion, fearing that the fetus had been permanently damaged by the pills." Although the story serves to underscore the reality that pregnant women are particularly vulnerable to domestic violence — expectant mothers are more likely to be victims of murder than to die of any other cause — it also raises an important issue: does the prosecution of men who attempt to induce miscarriage in women help the cause of anti-choice activists?

Some of comments following the CBS News story about the situation in Sweden seem to imply this. Says one:

I don''t understand how pro choice people can say if the fetus isn't wanted by the mother she can terminate it and it is not murder. But if a pregnant woman who wants her baby is kicked in the stomach or some other act of violence ends the life of that unborn baby...then it can be considered a murder. Well it can''t be both ways. So the law says a woman (host of the parasite) gets to decide if her child is a parasite or a baby!!?? How sick this all is...

And another:

I find it interesting that he gets sentenced to 18 months in prison for trying to get rid of the fetus and she can legally get rid of the fetus by having an abortion.

Dear readers (particularly those of you well-versed on reproductive rights and the law): care to answer these people?

Man Jailed For Abortion Pill-Laced Yogurt [CBS News]
Physical Abuse Linked To Premature Births [UPI]

Suspicious Drowning Of Drew Peterson's Third Wife Ruled A Homicide

Jessica — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 09:30:00 EST

Drew Peterson, the despicable police officer and husband of still missing (and probably dead) fourth wife Stacy Peterson, might not be free much longer. The death of Peterson's third wife, Kathleen Savio, has been ruled a homicide. After Stacy (pictured here with her son and her younger sister) mysteriously disappeared without a trace in late October, Kathleen's body was exhumed. And, although the original autopsy performed on her back in March 2004 declared Kathleen's death an accident, upon further investigation, forensic analysts now believe foul play was involved. (Kathleen drowned in a bathtub).

In other depressing news this morning about murder committed within marriage — remember, as many as 25% of American women are victims of domestic abuse — Wisconsin resident Mark Jensen was convicted yesterday of dosing his wife, Julie Jensen, with antifreeze. (These stories are beginning to sound The Gashlycrumb Tinies, Spouse Edition: "K is for Kathleen who drowned in a tub/ J is for Julie, poisoned with love.") And another Midwestern husband murderer, Stephen Grant, was sentenced to 50-80 years in prison yesterday for killing his wife. Early last year, Grant beat his wife Tara to death and then cut her body into 14 pieces in his father's tool-and-die shop. According to UPI, Stephen and Tara's 7-year-old daughter recently drew a picture of her mother's funeral. "[The first picture] showed her father under a rock while [a second picture] said, 'My dad thinks he has power.'" The Grants' two children saw their mother being murdered. They are now in the custody of their mother's sister.

Peterson's 3rd Wife's Death Ruled A Homicide [MSNBC]
Wis. Man Convicted In Antifreeze Poison Case [MSNBC]
50-year Sentence In Dismemberment Killing [UPI]

Earlier: All Stories Tagged 'Drew Peterson'
CDC: 25% Of American Women Are Victims Of Domestic Abuse

Can Female Vegetarians And Male Carnivores Ever Find True Foodie Love?

Jessica — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:30:00 EST

"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans... are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit." Ha! That's Anthony Bourdain in the best-selling memoir Kitchen Confidential, and the writer/celebrity chef's famous phrase made an appearance in today's New York Times, which, on the eve of Valentine's Day, delves into the issue of dietary restrictions as potential dealbreakers among couples. A vegan quoted in the article, Lisa Romano, says that she recently dumped a boyfriend because he liked grilling his burgers alongside her soy patties, something she found "unenlightened and disturbing." Explains Romano: "I need someone who is ethically on the same page." That makes sense: If not killing animals for food is so high on someone's ethical scale that she refrains from eating meat, I imagine that her moral compass is set pretty differently from that of a rampant carnivore.

Maybe it's just me — and I'm already anticipating the hate comments I will get about this — but something about a man refusing to eat meat seems sort of...sissy-like. I realize it's probably cultural brainwashing, but when I hear the phrase "male vegetarian", I picture a dude with matted dreads and a patchouli stink who cries when a tree is felled. In short: I picture a hippie, and I cannot hold with hippies. Take the male vegetarian and Florida real estate agent quoted in the Times, Ben Abdalla, 42, who says he prefers to date fellow vegetarians because meat eaters smell bad and have low energy." Anyone using the word "energy"? Definitely a hippie.

To be fair, these are not entirely fair assumptions about men who shun meat. But they are real. An (admittedly old) study commissioned by the Vegetarian Times conducted way back in 1992 found that "of the 12.4 million people who call themselves vegetarian, 68 percent are female while only 32 percent are male." (We're looking for more recent statistics.) And the women at Feministing, in fact, have an fascinating post about a set of new Maxim-like PETA ads which assert that (in their words) "it's okay to buck the stereotype of Real Men Eat Red Meat, because here are some naked ladies to reassure you that you're still a superhetero manly man!" (Plus, there's an entire book called The Sexual Politics of Meat by Carol Adams, which apparently intertwines feminism and vegetarianism. Go figure!)

I also polled the other Jezebels, and honestly, most are a little prejudiced against the idea of a male vegetarian. Moe admits that she's "prejudiced against sissies but would date a vegetarian... only if he wasn't a sissy about it though. Like, no freaking out about chicken boullion or whatever." Tracie says she converted a vegan to a full blown flesh-eater: "My ex was a vegan for 10 years when we met and I used to use eggs and chicken stock in recipes after a while and not tell him. Then I got him to eat fish and now he eats steak like every day. I changed him for the better." And Jennifer? She says, she's only gone out with one vegetarian in her lifetime. "I met him at yoga class," she says. "He was a sissy. Hence the reason we only went on three dates. That and he was a really bad kisser."

Then you have someone like my brother, who only ate meat and potatoes growing up, and is now married to a vegetarian. She won't cook meat herself, but she is never judgmental about it when my brother orders a burger, proving that love can conquer carnivorous instincts. Question is, how much of a dealbreaker is a person's issues with food? And how often do people put aside major dietary differences for true romance?

I Love You, But You Love Meat [New York Times]

CDC: 25% Of American Women Are Victims Of Domestic Abuse

Jessica — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 11:30:00 EST

A new release from the CDC reports that nearly a quarter of American women and 11.5% of American men have experienced some kind of intimate partner violence during their lifetimes. According to Reuters, the CDC defines "intimate partner violence" as "threatened, attempted or completed physical or sexual violence or emotional abuse by a spouse, former spouse, current or former boyfriend or girlfriend or a dating partner." Not only does the abuse cause immediate damage, but the CDC has found that victims of abuse are much more likely to suffer from other long-term health problems as a result of partner violence. To wit: Abused women are 80% more likely to have a stroke, 70% more prone to heart disease and arthritis, and 60% more asthmatic than the rest of the female population. Not to mention the mental repercussions: Reuters reports that abuse victims are "twice as likely to report that their activities are limited by physical, mental or emotional problems."

Nothing in the news today unscores this reality better than the story of Christi Layne, currently in the hospital and suffering from stab wounds inflicted by her estranged husband. Ms. Layne, a teacher, was attacked in front of her fifth grade class at Notre Dame Elementary school in Portsmouth, Ohio yesterday, just 13 days after she filed for divorce from her husband, William Michael Layne (Mr. Layne shot himself to death shortly after his attack). Remember, ladies, if you need help (or someone you know does), the number for the National Domestic Violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE.

Quarter Of U.S. Women Suffer Domestic Violence: CDC [Reuters]
Teacher Is Shot By Husband In Front Of Students[MSNBC]

Women In Tiny Town Leave Household Duties To Their Husbands

Jessica — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 09:30:00 EST

According to Reuters, 70% of Canadian households are run by women, and most of those women are also holding down full-time jobs. The Canadian national channel, the CBC, is using these statistics as the backbone for a forthcoming special called The Week The Women Went, based on a BBC documentary of the same name. CBC producers set up shop in the tiny (population: 760) town of Hardisty, Alberta, then took all the women and sent them on holiday, leaving the children and domestic duties solely to the men for a week. Hardisty's Kelly Weatherly predicted, "It will be a disaster, a complete disaster," but the original BBC version of The Week The Women Went showed that the stunt actually helped create a greater sense of parity between husbands and wives in the domestic sphere.

In a Daily Telegraph article about the English version of the show entitled "We Didn't Look Like Fools After All", most of the men and women involved in the filming — which took place in rural Harby, Nottinghamshire (population 300) — reported being pleased with the results. Caroline Aldridge (whose husband, Sam, was left alone with the kids for a week), was particularly impressed, telling the Telegraph, "He puts the kids to bed now. And before, if there was something on the floor, he'd just step over it. Now, he steps over it a few times and then eventually picks it up."

"Eventually picks it up"!! That's progress! Anyway, although some Canadian viewers are accusing the program of promoting misandry, how many of us can honestly say that our dads ran the household? I certainly know that my dad wasn't helping me bake cookies as a wee one.

Women Leave Canadian Town, Children In Hands Of Men [Reuters]
'We Didn't Look Like Fools After All' [Daily Telegraph]

NY Times Op-Ed contributor Judith Warner ...

Anna — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 14:20:00 EST

NY Times Op-Ed contributor Judith Warner in today's "Domestic Disturbances" column: "I don't for a moment begrudge Hillary her victory on Tuesday. But if victory came for the reasons we've been led to believe - because women voters ultimately saw in her, exhausted and near defeat, a countenance that mirrored their own - then I hate what that victory says about the state of their lives and the nature of the emotions they carry forward into this race. I hate the thought that women feel beaten down, backed into a corner, overwhelmed and near to breaking point, as Hillary appeared to be in the debate Saturday night. And I hate even more that they've got to see a strong, smart and savvy woman cut down to size before they can embrace her as one of their own." [NY Times]

Having Breakfast? Save This Story For Later

Jessica — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 09:30:00 EST

In the most fucked up story of domestic violence this year, Tyler Texas's own Christopher Lee McCuin, 25, murdered his girlfriend Jana Shearer, 21, on Saturday, sliced her up and began cooking her body parts. It's unclear whether or not he pulled a full blown Hannibal Lecter and ate her, but according to the Associated Press, "When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table." McCuin called the authorities on Sunday to turn himself in, but not before showing his mother and her boyfriend Shearer's mutilated body, which McCuin was keeping in their garage. County Sheriff J.B. Smith says McCuin wanted his mother to "come see what he had done."

But it gets even more fucked up! After McCuin filleted his girlfriend, he drove over to the home of his estranged ex-wife and stabbed up her boyfriend. The boyfriend is currently in critical condition at the hospital.

You've got to wonder what kind of completely deranged freakshow would commit this sort of heinous crime. Court TV's Crime Library says that traditional explanations for this sort of thing "include childhood abuse, genetics, chemical imbalances, brain injuries, exposure to traumatic events, and perceived societal injustices," though it's hard to know what lethal combination of the above creates a psychopath. All I know is that the boiling ear image is totally going to haunt me for the rest of the day. Happy Monday!

Man Kills, Cooks And Possibly Eats Girlfriend, Police Say [AP via CNN]
Monsters or Victims? What They Are and Who They Kill [Crime Library]

"Thermostat Wars": Mad Michigan Woman Hates Hubby's High Thermostat; Packs Heat

Jessica — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 09:30:00 EST

Sleeping temperatures are often a bone of contention among couples — I'm always cold and sticking my icicle hands under my boyfriend's warm tummy, much to his chagrin. Most people would just whine about their freezing feet or use covert tactics like turning the heat down behind their partner's back, but Cheryl Grucz, 61, of Washington Township, Michigan, decided to bring in the big guns. Literally. Her husband Joseph wanted to turn up the heat, and according to the Associated Press, Cheryl "pulled out a gun and shot their flat-screen TV while [Joseph] cowered behind a pillow." Joe told the 911 dispatcher: "She's all excited about [him turning the temperature up] because she's so cheap." (Gives new meaning towards the phrase "hot flashes", no?)

Interestingly, yesterday morning, the Today Show was all over what they've dubbed the "thermostat wars", interviewing a number couples on the street about their sleep habits. ("I'm always hot, he's always cold," one woman declared. "He usually just does what I want, and that solves [the temperature problem] just fine.") Then Meredith Vieira interviewed psychologist Jeff Gardere, who threw out some stats, like that fact that 75% of women like their sleep environments warm, while only 25% of men do. He goes on to say that men are hotter because they have a higher body mass and a higher metabolism, so their "furnace burns" much more. Then Gardere added: "Women have higher body fat. Wink wink." (Wink wink? Is he verbally winking because body fat = boobs? Or because he's afraid Meredith is going to yell at him for talking about female fat? It was weird.)

Anyway, the Today Show's solution to a détente in the thermostat wars? "Spend your way out of this argument!" The show suggested number of products, some useful, like "Split the Sheets" bedding made of half flannel and half cotton, some outlandishly expensive, like Vera Wang's Serta natural foam bed, and some ridiculously obvious, like flannel PJ's. Short of purchasing new bedding or shooting up a flat screen TV, what's the answer to brokering peace in a shared bed?

Fight Over Heat Makes Wife Hot [CBS News]
Video: Hot and Cold in the Bedroom? [Today]
Tips On How To Rest In Temperature Peace [MSNBC]

Little Boys Cook Up Controversy

dodai — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:00:00 EST

William Baston is a 6-year-old boy whose favorite toy is his play kitchen, according to an AP story on CNN's website today. When his mother, Mary, bought him a kitchen set before he could walk, his father, Alan, "rolled his eyes". "I said, 'What are you thinking? Look at all the male chefs,'" Mary explains. Alan, who enjoys cooking, came around quickly when he saw how much fun his son had with the kitchen. So yeah, more men cook and do housework than ever, and according to Robert J. Thompson, director of the Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University, TV shows like Iron Chef, Emeril Live and The Restaurant have "defeminized the kitchen." You mean little boys won't turn into girls if they pretend to fry an egg? Phew!

Here's a question: How come if boys play at "cooking," the word "chef" immediately gets thrown around? Not "short order cook" or "self-sufficient" or even "dad." Meanwhile, little girls are are not "chefs" if they cook, but they are encouraged to do the laundry, arrange furniture and have "room to grow" — as long as that room has an oven in it.

Toy Kitchens For Boys? [CNN]
Earlier: Rose Petal Cottage: Where You Can Literally Place Little Girls Into A Box

Have You Ever Beat Up A Boyfriend? Cause, Uh, We Have

Tracie — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 18:45:00 EDT

Psychiatry News has a piece out this month about how men shouldn't be overlooked as victims of domestic violence, saying that:

Women are doing virtually everything these days that men are—working as doctors, lawyers, and rocket scientists; flying helicopters in combat; riding horses in the Kentucky Derby. And physically assaulting their spouses or partners.

According to a study of relationships that engage in nonreciprocal violence, a whopping 70% are perpetrated by women. So basically that means that girls are beating up their BFs and husbands and the dudes aren't fighting back. With Amy Winehouse busting open a can of whupass on her husband last week, we decided to conduct an informal survey of the Jezebels to see who's gotten violent with their men. After reviewing the answers, let's just say that it'd be wise to never ever fuck with us.

One Jezebel got into it with a dude while they were breaking up, while another Jez went nuts on her guy and began violently shoving him. One of your editors heard her boyfriend flirting on the phone with another girl, so she slapped the phone out of his hands and hit him in the face and neck... "partially open handed." Another editor slapped a guy when "he told me he thought he had breast cancer." (Okay, that one made us laugh really hard.) And lastly, one Jez punched a steady in the face and broke his glasses. He had discovered a sex story she was writing about another dude on her laptop, so he picked it up and threw it. And that's when she socked him. He was, uh, totally asking for it.

Men Shouldn't Be Overlooked as Victims of Partner Violence [Psychiatry Online]

'Marie Claire' Writer Doesn't Believe In "Tending To A Man"... Sometimes

Jennifer — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:30:00 EDT

Remember Allison Glock? She's the writer who penned the sorta self-righteous piece in the May issue of Marie Claire on why her marriage fell apart? No? Let us refresh your memory:

My marriage wasn't bad, I just didn't belong there. I know this now. I am not wife material. I like being alone. I believe the pay-offs of tending to a man pale greatly when compared to the benefits of tending to myself. I believe I am a better mother without a husband, because I am happy and strong and not sleepwalking in a bath of resentment about who is or isn't taking out the garbage.

Yeah, that was kind of badass and kind of selfish of her, right? Well, what a difference a few months make!

We hear that wild bird Gluck is singing the tune of the pretty caged canary with one Michael Solomon, former editor-in-chief of Premiere, now of ESPN Books. Yes, seems these two little publishing world lovebirds are now not just playing Ozzie & Harriet, but living in suburban Florida. And we get it: Changes of heart happen. And we respect everyone's right to them. (Especially because, well, if not than we would just be George W. Bush.) But seriously? You don't write things like "I did all the wifely things you should, the old-fashioned duties, like keeping up with the lost socks and doctors' appointments and the amount of window cleaner in the house" and then turn around and shack up in the suburbs, do you? Or do you? No matter: At the very least, Michael Solomon should prepare himself for membership in the Broken Hearts Club. This one may not last.

We We Couldn't Stay Married [Marie Claire, via Yahoo! Australia]

Women Who Nag Men: They Win!

Anna — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:14:19 EDT

Okay, so maybe it isn't nagging per se — we love us a provocative headline once in a while — but a new study suggests that assertive female behavior in a romantic relationship pays major domestic dividends. Researchers conducting a study of married couples in Iowa have found that wives "displayed more power than their husbands during problem-solving discussions" and got their way.

'This study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power,' researcher David Vogel, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Iowa State, says in the release. 'Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know. But they are, at least, taking responsibility and power in these relationships.'

Oh man, we just can't wait to have husbands. After decades of enduring unwanted catcalls, blood-stained underwear and professional marginalization all on account of our gender, we'll finally have someone to take it all out on. And maybe if we communicate powerfully enough he'll have sex with us too!
Study: Women Wear The Pants In Marriage [CBSNews]