Jezebel 
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New York, 7:36 AM
Sun Nov 8
22 posts in the last 24 hours
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09/16/09
09/16/09
What would have helped me? Healthy self-esteem, a stepmother who didn't mentally - and sometimes physically - abuse me, a realistic (read, not informed by movies or TV) understanding of what abusive and healthy relationships look like.
I appreciate that they are looking for concrete solutions to the issue of IPV, but I think it will take something much more profound than just screening the women for abuse and raising doctors' awareness.
09/16/09
I was in denial. I was in shock. I was humiliated. I was not going to raise the topic on my own. A couple of sensitively worded questions from a doctor or nurse may have turned the light bulb on for me. A simple review of my chart may have raised some red flags. No one ever asked.
A few months ago, I fell down the stairs and banged my head. The first question out of the nurse's mouth after taking my vitals was "Sweetie, is anyone hurting you. This is a safe place, and you can tell me." I stood up and gave her a hug and thanked her for asking. I may not have answered her back when I was being abused--but at least she tried.
Not every abused man or woman will go to the hospital. When they do, we've got to be ready to ask the uncomfortable questions and help.
09/16/09
ZOMG WTF? That makes me vomit.
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Also, I did not know that in eight states domestic violence can be used to deny insurance coverage. Now I'm enraged. Excellent.
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Government enforced inequality is always wrong.
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kidding...OR AM I?!?
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Male violence/criminal activity is an OPTIONAL act, it serves nothing, it only is costly both in humanistic and economic terms.
Black men are not more criminal than other men, due to institutionalized racism they are convicted more often.
09/16/09
Not all men are violent or criminal, but you don't seem you have a problem instituting government sexism.
09/16/09
Pay "the poor" a livable wage and they will use less state services, for one thing, give them universal health care. Btw, why do you single out "the poor"? Wall Street criminals cost the US more than "the poor" ever will.
Let me point out another thing about "the poor". Many of them are single mothers, they and their children live in poverty because deadbeat dads won't own up to their responsibilities.
09/16/09
I single out the poor to show how ill thought out your argument is. As a society we do not tax people according to how much we think they cost society because this, at the core, violates basic concepts of fairness. Instead we tax according to who is most able to pay taxes. As a result, Wall Street execs pay about 35% of their income for taxes while the lowest quintile of income earners receives about 10% of their income earned income tax credit, regardless of their sex.
Olowokandi is right, there are ways to try to fight violence against women through the tax system by supporting organizations that help women, or even providing tax deductions or credits to women who are extricating themselves from abusive relationships. Taxing half the population for the actions of a few bad-actors is not the solution.
09/16/09
Hell yeah, it is. Smokers get harassed & penalized because of the damage they cause to themselves & others. Why not the gender that brutalizes & terrorizes its own gender and especially the other?
09/16/09
Second, there is nothing focused about a tax based on gender. What you are advocating is not the equivalent of a smoking tax, it is the equivalent of taxing all people over the age of 18 because some people over the age of 18 smoke cigarettes and cause damage to themselves and others.
There is nothing fair about taxing 50% of the population. If you cannot see the inherent unfairness in that, then this conversation is a lost cause.
09/01/09
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09/01/09
But what can you do about a guy or girl who accepts abuse because they desperately don't want to be alone? You can give them all the advice in the world, but if they choose abuse over lonliness, what can you do?
Of course that's not the case most of the time, and I agree that education should deal with relationship issues. But it's hard to pry details of a teenager's personal life from them without stealing a diary or some such (which isn't cool) so these are difficult problems, as you can't solve what you don't know about.
09/01/09
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09/01/09
A lot of girls and women won't call their rapes "rape."
09/01/09
09/01/09
Would you call that rape?
09/01/09
I'm always skeptical when viewing survey statistics because the results could always look different depending on how a question was worded.
09/01/09
09/01/09
And I think this stresses the importance of education and consensus on concrete definitions.
That's why I asked - to bring up a discussion on the specific definition. Whether people agree or not, it is vital that people understand that opinions vary widely.
Since the studies' definition (of a non-rape category(?!?)) was provided, I wanted to seize on it and compare it to my own and others'.
09/01/09
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The last few weeks have me seriously questioning this desire.
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I think a lot of people are are uncomfortable with the idea of her using her rape to bolster her public position. It could be seen as disrespectful to other rape victims and to trivialise the issue as mere gossip rag material.
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