• Angelina and Brad are in New York! Angie will walk the red carpet at the New York Film Festival tomorrow, for the premiere of her movie The Changeling, a 1920s thriller directed by Clint Eastwood. We know Shiloh is here, but as for Knox, Vivi, Zahara, Pax and Maddox? We'll have to wait and see. [People]
• Jimmy Smits grabbed a real knife instead if a prop knife and stabbed a stuntman during a fight scene for the TV show Dexter. The stunt guy says: "For the scene, I was bound in Saran Wrap, duct tape over my mouth. I couldn't say a thing as I saw Jimmy grab at the knife. He picked up the real one by pure mistake. It was a mean looking knife… I had a piece of acrylic clear plastic about the size of a Post-it note over my heart…by a miracle, an act of God, the knife landed at the very edge of the plastic. I really thought I'd been stabbed in the heart, but I didn't have a scratch. Jimmy was devastated and couldn't stop apologizing. I told him, I felt more sorry for him than me." [Daily Star]
• Demi Moore took Michael Phelps out for drinks, but it was a business meeting: She wants him to be in a reality show that she and Ashton are producing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• JK Rowling is the world's best-paid author. She makes £3 million a week. [The Sun]

• Did Madonna and A-Rod have dinner in NYC the other night??? [Page Six]
• Sharon Stone denies ever recommending that her 8-year-old son get Botox injections for foot odor. Her attorney says: "Sharon Stone never made this statement. It is a complete fabrication." [People]
• Oh, and Sandra Bernhard denies that she ever used the term "gang rape" in a joke about Sarah Palin. What started as an internet rumor quickly became an AP article that reported Bernhard had been cut from a benefit for a Boston women's shelter because of her performance. If you want to know what she actually said, click here. [HuffPo]
• Sandra also says: "I think if you look at the real issues I'm addressing, my intent becomes clear. I am a die-hard advocate for women's rights, and fully support the work of Rosie's Place." [AP]
• Kirsten Dunst was asked about her teeth being Photoshopped on the cover of Bazaar: "I haven't heard about it," she said. "I've had my teeth changed [on a magazine cover] before," she continued. "I wasn't a big fan of that." But she didn't call a publicist to complain. "I'm not that stressed out about that stuff." [NY Mag]
• Oooh, here's Kiki Dunst talking about rehab, sorta: "I don’t want to be hassled about it. Everyone goes through a hard time in their life. They just don’t have to do it in front of tons of people and with our media the way it is. I did, and I’m lucky that I had the resources and the money to take care of myself. I learned a lot." [Mirror]
• Calum Best thinks he turned Lindsay Lohan into a lesbian. [Mirror]
• Clark of ANTM says when she got booted off the show, "It was like watching a boyfriend break up with me! It was heartbreaking! I didn't see it coming. I really didn't." Hey, did you know she had a nose job? Also, Clark says that she sorta knows who will win: "I have a pretty good idea who it is, but obviously can't say anything about that. I can tell you that the whole thing is a shock." [Yahoo News]
• Speaking of Top Model, Isis is being presented with a Visibility Award by Equality Maryland — a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights group. [ONTD]
• Apparently Michael Lohan has determined that he is not the father of Ashley, that alleged love child through a paternity test kit he bought himself at Walgreens. [Perez Hilton]
• Peaches Geldof acted pissy and refused to smile for photographers at a department store photo op — for which she was being paid £5,000 to appear. The photogs asked her to smile and she crossed her arms, scowled and then walked away. Any one willing to smile and attend a store opening for £5,000? [Daily Mail]
• Wow, MTV execs call 19-year-old Peaches a "monster" after collaborating with her on a new documentary in which she attempts to edit a magazine. LOL! Apparently no amount of editing could portray Peaches in a positive light, and one MTV person says: "Everything that comes out of her mouth is horrendous." [The Sun]
• Salma Hayek is part of a UNICEF campaign to eradicate tetanus in mothers and babies. She visited the West African nation of Sierra Leone, where she met with tetanus victims. "I had no idea how much this was going to really personally move me," she says. [AP]
• Ooh, Salma Hayek will be on 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Jay-Z has been working the Water For Life campaign, bringing clean water to those who don't have access to it. "Many charities, you close your eyes and cross your fingers and hope that the money gets to the people who really deserve it. But with this, I got to go to Africa, see the water pumps. I got to see the kids turn them on." Speaking of kids, do you want some, Jay? "Most people dream of having a family someday. So I'm just a regular American boy." [People]
• By the by, Jay-Z received a Global Leadership Award by the United Nations on Wednesday, thanks to his Water For Life work. [Perez Hilton]
• Heather Locklear's police report has been released. She was "obviously impaired," though alcohol was ruled out. A "Drug Recognition Expert" concluded that she was under the influence of a controlled substance, and could not safely operate a motor vehicle. [TMZ]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck is not leaving The View. Don't shoot the messenger. [ET, LA Times]
• Madonna is coming to America! Her Sticky & Sweet tour starts tomorrow in New Jersey; then she has four nights at NYC's Madison Square Garden. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West's HBO show is on the shelf. It may never air. He had partnered with Curb Your Enthusiasm producer Larry Charles, who says: "It was really good, but...I think it was too hard-core for HBO. HBO doesn't have a good track record when it comes to black shows, and I felt like that may have had something to do with it also." [Yahoo News, via E!]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is going to renew her vows with hubs Stephen Belafonte in an elaborate ceremony in Egypt. The invitation is 11 pages long. [Page Six]
• Rosie O'Donnell's new live-from-New York variety show will have a test segment which airs Nov. 26, the night before Thanksgiving. [Fox 411]
• Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson! Recording together again! On a track for a tribute album to music legend Quincy Jones! Don't fuck it up, Amy! [Mirror]
• Broadway theaters will dim their lights tonight in honor of Paul Newman, who first set foot on a Broadway stage in 1953. [Reuters]
• 90210 has been yanked off the air in Australia, due to poor ratings. [Perez Hilton]
• Fasten your seatbelts: Annette Benning will star as Margo Channing in All About Eve in a one-night-only staged reading at the Actors Fund benefit. [Variety]
• Natalie Cole is on bed rest after being hospitalized in New York last month due to a setback in her battle with Hepatitis C. [Reuters]
• James Earl Jones will receive the 2008 Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award. He was mute as a child because of a stuttering problem, but overcame it to be the most recognizable voice: Darth Vader in Star Wars, Mufasa in The Lion King and spots for CNN. He says: "Through a love of reading, I was able to overcome my muteness and pursue a career in which my voice would be my most prominent asset." He also says: "Luke. I am your father." [AP]
• Dolly Parton will serve as the ambassador for the 75th anniversary of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. [AP]
• News you cannot use: Marisa Tomei's fake nipple piercings in her new movie took a long time to attach. [Daily Express]
• This paper says Catherine Zeta-Jones had an "off day" and looked orange. She looks okay to me. [Mirror]
• Cameron Diaz paid tribute to her late father, Emilio, at a special screening of There's Something About Mary. "My daddy's in this movie for two seconds," she told the audience. Then she described his scene and did an imitation of his performance. [People]
• Hollywood conservatives Jon Voight, Gary Sinise, Kelsey Grammer and Dennis Miller attended a John McCain fundraiser on Wednesday night in L.A. Zzzzzzz. [E!]
• Robert De Niro and Marty Scorsese are joining cinematic forces for the ninth time. The flick is I Heard You Paint Houses, about the mob hitman believed to have 86'd Jimmy Hoffa. [E!]
• The Writers Guild of America has filed an unfair labor practice complaint against Tyler Perry's production studio. [NY Times]
• Noel Gallagher says Liam Gallagher dyes his hair and wears makeup. [The Sun]
• Uh, this is a UK-specific headline, to be sure: "Geri Halliwell most successful female celebrity author of 08." [Mirror]
• Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky: Getting married tonight. [Page Six]
• "I had this irrational fear at first that by moving on i would be leaving him behind. But that's obviously what you must do, as a parent. I have grabbed life by the throat and I am packing in as much as I can and trying to keep things fun for the boys, actually." — Natasha McElhone, on the tragic death of her husband. [Daily Mail]
• "Having a girlfriend right now would be out of the question. I would like to settle down and have a family. But I'm only 24. Definitely not any time soon!" — Olympic gold medal swimmer Ryan Lochte. [People]
• "Here’s the thing about hair; I think most people think that I have Lego hair, like I can just take it on and off in one piece, and that’s not quite the case — although pretty close. I refer to this [phenomenon] as Lego hair, when people think that about me. I think hair is just, like, the most important thing about you. Besides your soul, or maybe your heart, or maybe your crotch…. Or maybe the order I just put those in says a little something about who I am." — Pete Wentz. [People]
• "I’m not gay but I might as well be. I’m the [woman] of the group. We live a gay lifestyle. […] I never read tabloids, I never buy books or go on Perez Hilton and I never ever watch the news. All news is bad. You never hear them say, ‘This dog gave birth to six puppies today.’ It’s always negative, like, ‘All these people got killed.’ I stay totally away from it." — Brooke Hogan, noted wit. [ONTD]
• "It's been incorrectly alleged that I'd abuse a romantic attachment as a publicity stunt. That's below the belt. To love and be loved is the most beautiful thing that can happen to a person, and one's own life is more important than all the glamour and fame in the world." — Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Express]
• "People said, 'You looked better than Beyoncé.' Well, that’s not possible. It’s nice that young people hold me up as a model. Beyoncé is elegant and is handling her career well. A lot of new stars go overboard on sex. They’re half-naked up there. My dresses were a bit short, but I stayed respectable." — Tina Turner, whose tour kicked off this week. [The.Life Files]

• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

• Michael Phelps isn't really looking for a girlfriend. "I am 23 now and if I went out with a girl she wouldn’t see much of me until I get past 30," he explains. That's just silly! Ladies see plenty of you. When you're wearing a swimsuit. [Daily Express]
• David and Victoria Beckham's "car crash" was actually just a car that got all scratched and jacked up when it was left parked at the airport. Posh's rep says: "There was no car crash." [Perez Hilton]
• Barack Obama has asked Jennifer Hudson to sing the national anthem on Thursday at the Democratic National Convention before his address. She is "thrilled" and "excited." [People]
• Was "vote or die" Diddy asked not to come to the DNC? [MSNBC]
• Oh, dear: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long seen kissing Kirsten Dunst. [Rush & Molloy]
• More barftastic car crash terrible can't-look-away Heidi Montag video pix. Sorry. [ONTD]

• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of NYC got drunk at a wedding, knocked over a drumset, tried to make out with married men and grabbed crotches… or did she? Truth or smear campaign? [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio is shopping pix of her newborn, Anja Louise, born Sunday in Brazil. Proceeds go to the Multiple Sclerosis Children's Fund. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Janeane Garofalo played Lauren Conrad in a staged reading of The Hills? Genius. [L.A. Times]
• Britney Spears' SUV took a wrong turn and ended up in L.A.'s Sunset Junction street fair, aka Hipster Central. She got out of there real quick. [E!]
• Courteney Cox was involved in a car crash while on vacation in Hawaii. She was driving a white BMW which collided with a red truck on Saturday. No one was injured. [Daily Mail]
• How does Paula Abdul feel about the new American Idol judge? "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance," she says. "Time will tell. We’ll see. [It's] going to be weird if it’s a split decision. I’m sure Simon will get to make the final [judgment]. [But that] takes the fun out of all the hard work I do to push those kids through." [MSNBC]
• Um, Rhys Ifans is in a band? Called The Peth? And their first single is called "Let's Go Fucking Mental"? And the video is of Rhys' colonoscopy? You can see it here. [Perez Hilton]
• Whee! Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci to be on Dancing With The Stars! (Also: Kim Kardashian, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Misty May-Treanor and track star Maurice Green.) [Reuters]
• Madonna had to stop going to her gym because of "noise, leering, crude comments and wolf whistles of builders working nearby." Effing hell. [Mirror]
• Pam Anderson revelations: When asked "boobs or legs?" she says she is "more of a leg person" (?!?!?!) and when questioned about bikini waxing says, "I have not waxed anything in my entire life. An eyebrow, not an anything. I have never ever done that. It sounds too painful." [News.com.au]
• Spike Lee is upset with the people who think Barack Obama is not black enough. "I go by the 'one-drop rule.' One drop [of black blood], and you're black. The truth is, every African-American is biracial. Go back far enough, and you'll find the massah was in the slave quarters. You can't be black and go to Harvard Law School? You can't be black and be articulate?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Heath Ledger's uncle has failed to have his charges of receiving stolen goods dealt with and faces up to 14 years in jail. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• In a quest for relevance, Jessica Simpson has joined the Country Music Association. She gets special-rate health insurance and can vote in upcoming CMA Award nominations. Anyway, her album, Do You Know, comes out September 9 and Dolly Parton duets on the title track; after that you can go back to not caring about Jess. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson is being sued by some scientists who claim she took their hair-care secret ingredient and gave it to a competitor. Something about volcanic ashes and flyaways. [The Root]
• Shannen Doherty is having fun shooting the new 90210: "It's been a really nice experience…We already have our little inside jokes." And! Lori Loughlin and Rob Estes play parents who are not like your usual sitcom couple. Estes says: "It's not a mom and dad who are home eating bon bons. It's a couple who's fucking! We'll clear the kitchen so fast, you don't know what to do with yourself." [Perez Hilton]
• OMG remember the 90210 action figures dolls? [Black Book]
• Yesterday reports claimed that Snoop Dogg was getting a visa to tour in Australia despite his criminal record; today officials are "rethinking" giving him permission to enter the country. He could be counseled before arrival and given strict behavior rules to abide by while down under. [Reuters]
• Harry Potter studio Warner Bros is suing Bollywood producers over a flick called Hari Puttar. [Telegraph]
• Actress Sophie Monk was seen walking out of a KFC in Hollywood with bags filled with food — she's bragged in the past about being a vegetarian and criticized KFC eaters, saying: "I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you." [News.com.au]
• Salman Rushdie's former bodyguard is apologizing over allegations he made regarding Rushdie's former marriage. [Independent]
• Trisha Yearwood survived a plane emergency: Her aircraft's window cracked at 30,000 feet. They never lost cabin pressure, fortunately. [People]
• "I think The Osbournes, to a degree, tarnished the public's perception of my dad as a bit of a senile, funny, bumbling guy. Yeah, my dad can be that guy, but it's not him. I think that almost discredited him as an artist. My dad's not an idiot — he's nothing short of a genius, in my opinion." — Jack Osbourne, who is producing a documentary on Ozzy. [Rolling Stone]
• RIP Aaliyah, who died this day in 2001. [The.Life Files]

Phibbs thinks she is. But first off, what exactly constitutes a feminist icon? Surely, it's a title that is bestowed upon a person, rather than sought out. And it probably has less to do with what the icon has actually done, and more to do with what it meant for and how it affected the fan.

For me, Dolly Parton is totally a feminist icon. But not for "9 to 5." Instead, it was "Just Because I'm a Woman," a song about fighting sexual double standards that — released in 1968 — was far ahead of it's time.

I can see you’re disappointed
By the way you look at me
And I’m sorry that I’m not
The woman you thought I’d be
Yes, I’ve made my mistakes
But listen and understand
My mistakes are no worse than yours
Just because I’m a woman

So when you look at me
Don’t feel sorry for yourself
Just think of all the shame
You might have brought somebody else

Just let me tell you this
Then we’ll both know where we stand
My mistakes are no worse than yours
Just because I’m a woman

Now a man will take a good girl
And he’ll ruin her reputation
But when he wants to marry
Well, that’s a different situation

He’ll just walk off and leave her
To do the best she can
While he looks for an angel
To wear his wedding band

Now I know that I’m no angel
If that’s what you thought you’d found
I was just the victum of
A man that let me down

Yes, I’ve made my mistakes
But listen and understand
My mistakes are no worse than yours
Just because I’m a woman

No, my mistakes are no worse than yours
Just because I’m a woman

Dolly Parton: Feminist Icon? [The Guardian]

Image via Young Manhattanite

MEGAN: I had a dream the night before last that Dolly Parton was having a three-way with two guys on a helicopter maneuvering to escape enemy fire. And I was watching. What does this say about our psyches?

MOE: That's a rhetorical question right? Good.

MEGAN: Yeah, I don't want to know either

MOE: So let's see. I sort of feel like it's a snow day because Obama's turnout in Indiana actually kept rising after I fell asleep. Also, I'm taking off the rest of the day so there is that. And because I've been watching Fox I've been hearing nothing but "Clinton is going to pull through, she's our girl; she's a working class hero; he's arugula-class Hegel" blah blah so this was really fun. Last night Shep Smith was outright rolling his eyes dramatically at anyone who said she still had a chance.

MEGAN: Shep does a lot of things very dramatically

MOE: Unrelated: Michelle and the persimmon color: hot! I wanted Shep to weigh in on that but he didn't.

MEGAN: I switched channels around 10:30 or so when they did a whole piece on McCain and conservative judges and I couldn't take it anymore.
MEGAN: Yes, actually, I liked the colors of both Michelle's and Hillary's outfits last night. I particularly appreciated Hillary's jewelry choice for once.
MOE: OH I don't notice jewelry because I don't really do jewelry — I'd say because I am trying to do that whole "urbane tomboy aesthetic" thing but actually just because I will lose it — what did it look like?
MEGAN: It was like, simple and silver, rather than a huge chunky thing. Check it out.
MOE: Even Fox & Friends, which this morning was like "It's a big day for Obama, it's a big day for Hillary; it's a big deal for the host of Fox & Friends because it's his birthday..." Uh, happy birthday right wing conspiracy!
MEGAN: Doocey? If you emerged fully formed from the gaping mouth of hell, do you get to call that day your birthday?
MOE: Oh my god right now on Fox News they're blowing their outrage wad on the fact that some American Idol contestant last night didn't remember the words to the Byrds song he was performing. HOW COULD HE NOT REMEMBER THE WORDS TO THAT SONG IT'S LIKE THE FUCKING NATIONAL ANTHEM FOR CHRISSAKE.
MEGAN: Hey, it's no Proud to Be an American.
MOE: AAAAAH
8:45 AM
MEGAN: Sorry, couldn't resist. I didn't watch American Idol because the future of our democracy was at stake or some shit.
MOE: Okay now there are lots of kids on the Fox & Friends. The guy whose birthday it is is Brian. He has a Goodfellas unsinister bad guy face. And now here's Mike Huckabee! And he's chastising Brian for having such a big birthday cake!!! Is this what happens when Fox is temporarily forced to try and clear its viewers' mental caches so they forget how forcefully they've all been claiming things were the way they provably as of yesterday aren't?
MOE: Hey, here's a birthday cake! Here's a folksy governor! Here's some protest music! Kiddies!
MEGAN: Is there a clown?
MOE: Is there a clown...
MEGAN: I know! I was trying to throw you a joke softball.
MEGAN: Have you ever watched all of Obama's surrogates on TV and wonder why they are all so Midwesternly white?
MEGAN: (Sorry, some communications guy just came on MSNBC and he looks like a young Karl Rove only without the red glowing eyes)
MOE: I told you I don't have sound.
MOE: On my other news stations.
MOE: They haven't really had many Obama surrogates on Fox.
MOE: I'm switching to CNBC. Let's see what the market is saying about this.
MEGAN: Ah, ok. Well, they are. It's like they're coming to all of us and being like, no, it's cool, he has white friends. I'm honestly trying to remember a senior campaign official of his or national surrogate who is a person of color.
MOE: Oooh, weird, the first commercial was for something called Salesgenie.com and it is entirely in Mandarin.
MEGAN: Ok, so, the markets have decided that none of us have any money to buy anything anyway? Great.
MEGAN: I mean, in my case it's true, but still.
MOE: That's true I can't think of any black Obama surrogates. I feel like I've seen other minorities but not black surrogates and that's a very salient thing that hasn't been pointed out. I'm thinking this was incredibly calculated and it's entirely to blame for the entire Jeremiah Wright Al Sharpton rage thing. And maybe that is why this Wright scandal didn't cast the terrible "shadow" all the headlines were saying it would cast. Because if there is one thing I have learned recently it's that Boomer Fatigue is not just something White People Like. It's color bline.
MOE: blind
MEGAN: Ok, so, we could talk about something else because I totally have primary fatigue. Hey, look, Putin's buttboy/puppet just got inaugurated in Russian. That's vaguely interesting.

MOE: Sorry I had to get the door
MEGAN: No worries, I just thought you thought Russia was boring. The new guy is cute for a dictator.

MOE: We've discussed how Medvedev was sort of Putin's protege at school, when Putin was a KGB agent...but he was really a narc...I know we've discussed him before. Oh yeah and he's the former chairman of Gazprom. In other news Burma accepted storm aid.
MEGAN: Now just let's hope that the junta can keep their sweaty palms off of it, though I'm not that hopeful on that point.
MOE: Perhaps we should incorporate the sassy exchange from last night's CNN that a reader just implored us to excerpt.

So stop the divisions. Stop trying to split us into these groups,
Paul, because you and I know both know we have been in more campaigns.
We know how Democrats win and to simply suggest that Hillary's coalition
is better than Obama's, Obama's is better than Hillary's — no. We have
a big party, Paul.

BEGALA: That's right.

BRAZILE: Just don't divide me and tell me I cannot stand in
Hillary's camp because I'm black, and I can't stand in Obama's camp
because I'm female. Because I'm both.

BEGALA: That's — Donna -

BRAZILE: And I'm wealthy so I might go with McCain and sit with
Bill Bennett, Paul.

BENNETT: That's funny.

BRAZILE: Don't start with me, baby.

MEGAN: Ooh, by the way, the AP is just now reporting that Hillary loaned herself another $6.4 million in the last month, in addition to the $5 million she never paid back.
MEGAN: Despite the $10 million she raised in 2 hours after Pennsylvania
MOE: Yeah apparently she said something along the lines of, "Forget post-racial, the Clinton argument has become post-rational."
MOE: And then there was that amazing appendage comment.
MEGAN: The appendage comment?
MOE: It's referenced here. Regarding the math. You know: Well, if she manages to reason with all the superdelegates, and wins 72% of the delegates in the remaining races, and engineers some strategy whereby Michigan and Florida take on Obama before the Supreme Court, and Operation Chaos ramps up, then she can still... And then some dude was like "And if my aunt had a male appendage, she'd be my uncle."
MEGAN: Oh, right. Also, Hillary needs 72% or so of the remaining vote to retake the pledged delegate lead including Florida and Michigan, according to MSNBC.

MOE: Is this why we are finding this boring now?
MOE: I mean, he couldn't have had a more negative news week.
MOE: Oh shit, and PEGGY NOONAN WAS RIGHT AGAIN
MEGAN: Obama? I mean, I suppose it could come out that he beat someone or had gay tendencies or something, but barring that, it wasn't a good news week.

MEGAN: But I think the beneficial thing about the 24 hour news cycle is that eventually 95% of people tune out and nothing pundits say matter anyway, which is why most people are just happy to not hear about Reverend Wright anymore.

MOE: One thing I didn't quite understand that I learned from the New York Post is that last night Obama picked up 69 delegates to Hillary's 63, which seemed...uh...a little off. But I don't do math.
MEGAN: In North Carolina?
MEGAN: No, I think that's just wrong.

MEGAN: CNN says Obama picked up 64 in NC and 38 in Indiana, and Hillary got 44 and 41, respectively. I can't do math, but I think the NYP is wrong.
MOE: that's 85 for hillary and 103 for obama
MOE: So yeah
MEGAN: Mere bloggers have proved actualy journalists wrong. The world might need to stop turning on its axis.

I'm to the point where it don't add up I can't say I've come this far with my guitar on pure dumb luck That's not to say i know it all 'Cause everytime I get too high up on my horse I fall

'Cause I've got
Somethin' lifting me up
Somethin' holding me down
Somethin' to give me wings and
Somethin' to keep my feet on the ground
I've got all I need,
Jesus and gravity

But I'm as bad as anyone
Taking all these blessings in my life for granted one by one
When I start to thinkin' it's all me
Well somethin' comes along and knocks me right back on my knees

I've always been misunderstood because of how I look.
Don't judge me by the cover 'cause I'm a real good book.
So read into it what you will, but see me as I am.
The way I look is just a country girl's idea of glam.

No yeah, I'm thinking way too hard.

Dolly Parton's Subversive Message [NYT]
Related: On The Scene: Dolly Parton (And the Biz's Best Stage Banter [EW]

Earlier: Dolly Parton Enthusiasts Give New Meaning To The Term "Fanatic"
Dolly Parton Blames Tits For Postponing Tour, But Is An Eating Disorder To Blame?
Amy Sedaris Stars In Dolly Parton's New Video

• For the love of God, please let Dolly Parton get her own makeup line. [Chic Report]
  
• The Pope hates expensive shit. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• "We're one of her favorite stores," says a spokeswoman for Henri Bendel of Shopaholic Isla Fisher. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• WTF? The New York Ranger's Sean Avery is interning at Vogue this summer? Maybe Anna Wintour can teach him some fashion closet cross-checking techniques. [WWD, 1st item]

• Pete Wentz on his favorite stores: "I love H&M and Urban Outfitters. I'm so not above shopping there or anything. They have such cool stuff and it's not expensive." [WWD, 5th item]
• For every one of Lauren Bush's FEED bags you buy at your local Whole Foods starting May 1, 100 kids in Rwanda can eat. Anya Hindmarch could learn a thing or two from Ms. Bush. [WWD, 2nd item]
• No, women really don't need special accessories to cover up their bulging belly buttons while pregnant. [LilSugar]
• Stephanie Seymour isn't just the new fashion editor at Interview, but the new face/body of Chantelle undergarments too. [Yahoo]
• Speaking of spokesmodel panty raids, Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown has signed on as the new face/body of Ultimo underwear. [a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/04/22/nmel122.xml">Telegraph]
• The latest trend for Australian boys? Wearing women's clothing. [News.com.au]
• D-list designer Anand Jon, who was charged with numerous counts of sexual abuse and rape has two new (female) defenders. [Hindu Times]

Well, other people are saying something. Yesterday, McNamara wrote a follow-up to her article, claiming that "E-mails have been pouring in from frustrated television viewers grateful for the chance to talk about this 'elephant in the living room.'"

When we see bad things happen to good faces, when cosmetic decisions interfere with performances, I think we need to speak out. Otherwise the younger generation will think that a fish-mouth smile and those shiny cheeks are normal and that the Posh Beckham look is something to aspire to ... I wish everyone would stop not only because the sight of some ill-advised surgery or injection can wreck a perfectly OK television show, but also because I am afraid we will forget what normal looks like.

On TV: Botox. Face-Lifts. Reconstructive Surgery., Cosmetic Surgery Freaks Out L.A. Times Readers Too, Critic Finds [LA Times]
Happy Birthday Botox [Daily Mail]
A New Reason to Frown [Newsweek]

• Seriously? The White House Correspondents dinner must not be what we think it is, because Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad and Perez Hilton (and Donatella Versace) are invited. [ONTD]
  
• Newly-engaged Ashlee Simpson says her sister Jessica is "overflowing with joy" and dad Joe has given her and fiancé Pete Wentz his blessing. [People]
  
• Lily Allen was kicked out of the men's room at a club in London — and she was with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. [Mirror]
  
• Kate Hudson on PhotoShopping: "I just tend to let those things go. I can't tell you how many covers of magazines I've been on when my eyes were blue. I don't have blue eyes. I have green eyes. So, you just kind of go with it, you know, it's like it is, what it is and that's what people do, you know." [The Star]
  
• A tabloid editor says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding only made the cover of one weekly magazine because "African-Americans don't sell covers." [Gatecrasher]

• "Just good friends" Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen "hugging and dancing" at a birthday party. [Page Six]
• Madonna is expected to appear in court in Malawi in 2 weeks for a final ruling on her adoption. We all know it's gonna happen, right? She's had that kid since 2006. [Reuters]
• An Indian pandit — which is like some kinda spiritual teacher — will travel to Mexico to bless Heidi Klum and hubs Seal on their third wedding anniversary, May 10. Damn, they're so international! [Times Of India]
• Paul McCartney is going on a huge world tour in the fall, and the always-classy UK papers are calling it the "divorce tour." [Mirror]
• Heather Mills said of Paul on morning TV: "I think he's got three different girlfriends so I wish all the girls the best of luck. Better them than me." [Mirror]
• Paula Abdul's boyfriend "isn't too invested" in the relationship and "flirts with a lot of women." [MSNBC]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, Blythe Danner, is swearing up and down that Gwynnie and Chris Martin are happily married. [People]
• Neil Patrick Harris doesn't want Britney back on How I Met Your Mother. "Our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed," he says. [USA Today]
• That nude photo of Carla Bruni — shot by photographer Michel Comte in 1993 — sold for $91,000, [Guardian]
• Dolly Parton helped a young American bald eagle that had been blown from its nest return to the wild. She named the bird Liberty. "I thought that sounded better than Baldy." [Yahoo News]
• "It doesn't matter how much I get paid for something. Having integrity definitely hurts your buying sprees, but I can sleep at night." —Evan Rachel Wood. [LA Times]
• At the casting for Paris Hilton's new TV show — in which she searches for a "new BFF" — took place yesterday in New York. "It looked like Barbie threw up in there," says a source. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rising young actress was informed at a recent film party that Jane Fonda wanted to meet her? "I don't give a shit," came the jaded response." [Gatecrasher]
• Alright stop. Collaborate and listen: Robert Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice, was arrested last night for domestic battery. Apparently he had an argument with his wife and pushed her. [TMZ]
• Sean Diddy Combs needed five stitches after cutting his foot on a champagne glass while partying at his Miami home last weekend. Raise your hand if you want to be barefoot and sipping champagne ASAP. [TMZ]
• Ed Asner to ex-wife: Get a job. [USA Today]
• The 73-year-old 3 foot 8 inch actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars has been hospitalized. May the force be with him. [TMZ]
• OMFG have you seen the new Gossip Girl ad? [TMZ]

Earlier: Dollly Parton Enthusiasts Give New Meaning To the Word "Fanatic"

• Aside from Janet, the Jacksons are all pretty much broke, working odd jobs, and living with their parents. [TMZ]
  
• Speaking of financial troubles: Heath Ledger was only worth $145,000 at the time of his death. [TMZ]
  
• Amy Winehouse's husband Blake is trying to get her to fund his drug habit in while he's locked up, which is like, news to no one. According to the security chief of Pentonville jail, where Blake Incarcerated is being held, "There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison." [The Sun]
  
• Meanwhile, Amy's mom Janis has a doctor's note to get out of dealing with her daughter's own drug addiction. She has multiple sclerosis and has said, "If I was to get heavily involved in Amy's problems things could get worse for me. I can't cope." [The Mirror]

• Apparently Britney's dad thinks that getting his daughter back together with Kevin Federline will be good for her mental health. [MSNBC]
• K. Fed, howevs, celebrated his 30th birthday this weekend with baby mama Shar Jackson. [MSNBC]
• Jason Rae, husband of singer Corinne Bailey Rae, was found dead in the couple's London apartment Saturday afternoon from an apparent drug overdose. [TMZ]
• There's going to be a BBC sitcom this fall called Beautiful People all about Simon Doonan's life, based on the Barneys creative director's memoir Nasty: My Family and Other Glamorous Varmints, and will be produced by Jon Plowman (The Office, Absolutely Fabulous). Doonan hopes to be played by Linda Hunt, aka Nurse Hooper from She-Devil. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss got in trouble for laughing and dancing on Jim Morrison's grave. No word if she was on anything, beyond his plot. [News.com.au]
• Denise Richards finally got around to covering up the tattoo she had of ex-husband Charlie Sheen's name on her ankle. Her choice? A fairy. [TMZ]
• Bruce Willis is a partner in a new, high end wine bar opening in NYC's East Village this week. We better not see Rumer having fun there until August 16, 2009. [Page Six]
• Singer/songwriter/bourbon distributor/weed head Willie Nelson might be performing at the Democratic National Convention this year. He's a Hillary supporter, because she's an old friend who has visited his tour bus. But "she didn't inhale." [Daily News]
• Super hot photos of former child star Joseph Gordan-Levitt and Claudia Schiffer in GQ. [ONTD]
• Lindsay Lohan's grandma was involved in a one-car accident yesterday, running into a pole and a tree. She was admitted to the hospital but released in good health a few hours later. Note: Apparently she was not experiencing dyke drama with Samantha Ronson, leading up to the wreck. [TMZ]
• Tyra Banks has a stalker who was arrested outside the NYC studio where she tapes her talk show, and later released on bail. Guess she won't be chilling out there in a bra anymore. [UPI]
• Glamour model Katie Price (aka Jordan) has been nominated for a major book award, even though the title in question — a children's book — was ghost-written. [The Mirror]
• Dolly Parton covers Fine Young Cannibals' "Drives Me Crazy" on her new album. [Perez Hilton]

Oh, Dolly, we'd expect to be having this conversation with Carrie Underwood, but not you babe! Don't you become the Amy Winehouse of 2008! Drink some milk and put some meat on the bones.

Dolly Postpones Tour, Blames Breasts [MSNBC]

Dolly Parton, "Better Get To Livin'" [CMT]

Who cares.

View the Simpson double whammy below. And check out Dolly Parton. Do they do facial liposuction? Who knew?