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crappy hour
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dolly parton
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crappy hour
deep thoughts
Did Jesus Lift Up Dolly Parton's Tits So She Could Tour Once More?
Dolly Parton has been on tour. But didn't she cancel it on account of the weight of her heaving bosoms? "They say my tour's in shambles," she told an audience at Radio City Music Hall last night. "Welcome to shambles." Get thee to Atlantic City tonight, high rollers! But anyway, it was a report from Dolly's Virginia show on Monday that piqued our interest: apparently a song off her new album Backwoods Barbie demonstrates "her belief in intelligent design." Seriously Dolls? Isn't intelligent design for people who think being gay is a "choice"? Would the lyrics to this "Jesus And Gravity" song shake my belief in a pop culture Deity? I consulted them. More »
rag trade
Dolly Parton Wants To Make Money By Making Others Look Cheap
- For the love of God, please let Dolly Parton get her own makeup line. [Chic Report]
- The Pope hates expensive shit. [WWD, sub req'd]
- "We're one of her favorite stores," says a spokeswoman for Henri Bendel of Shopaholic Isla Fisher. [WWD, 1st item]
- WTF? The New York Ranger's Sean Avery is interning at Vogue this summer? Maybe Anna Wintour can teach him some fashion closet cross-checking techniques. [WWD, 1st item]
about face
Are You Sick Of Ladies On TV Looking Jacked Up?
In a piece for Sunday's L.A. Times, Mary McNamara wrote about all the Botox, face-lifts and cosmetic surgery on TV right now. For instance: Priscilla Presley. "At once puffy and yanked, her face, and its odd relationship to her neck, often takes on the dimensions of a Picasso painting." Or Barbara Walters, whose face is "painfully taut and shiny." Or Carrie Fisher, who made guest appearances on Weeds and 30 Rock: "Her face was so changed you had to hit the rewind button a few times to make sure it was her." McNamara also calls out all of the Desperate Housewives. She admits that criticizing an actress's looks can often seem sexist: "If women look old, we criticize, and if they try to fix it, we criticize more snidely." But the problem, McNamara says, its not that these women have cosmetic procedures — it's that TV critics don't say anything when their ability to act is inhibited. More »
dirt bag
Pam Anderson & Lauren Conrad, White House Correspondents
- Seriously? The White House Correspondents dinner must not be what we think it is, because Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad and Perez Hilton (and Donatella Versace) are invited. [ONTD]
- Newly-engaged Ashlee Simpson says her sister Jessica is "overflowing with joy" and dad Joe has given her and fiancé Pete Wentz his blessing. [People]
- Lily Allen was kicked out of the men's room at a club in London — and she was with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. [Mirror]
- Kate Hudson on PhotoShopping: "I just tend to let those things go. I can't tell you how many covers of magazines I've been on when my eyes were blue. I don't have blue eyes. I have green eyes. So, you just kind of go with it, you know, it's like it is, what it is and that's what people do, you know." [The Star]
- A tabloid editor says Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding only made the cover of one weekly magazine because "African-Americans don't sell covers." [Gatecrasher]
clips
Dolly Parton Is Looking Scary Skinny
We love the crap out of Dolly Parton, and she was totally cute as the mentor on last night's American Idol, but we have to say we're a little bit worried about her. First she had to postpone her tour because of back problems from her large breasts. Then, when we watched the extra interviews with Dolly on American Idol's website, she looked thinner than ever. In her autobiography, Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business, she admits to a dieting technique of chewing food, then spitting it out. Dolly, please swallow! We don't want your life to be finished business! After the jump, a still picture of her looking frail. More »
clips
Dolly Parton Enthusiasts Give New Meaning To The Word "Fanatic"
We really love Dolly Parton, but our devotion could never hold a candle to some of the superfans featured in the 2006 documentary For the Love of Dolly. In the clip above, we meet Jeanette, a woman who has decided to dedicate her life to her favorite singer by collecting memorabilia, building an exact replica of the shack Dolly grew up in, and even getting her autograph tattooed on her butt cheek, for which she wears jeans with a strategically-placed hole. (Not seen is when she breaks into Dolly's best friend Judy Ogle's car and licks the seatbelt.)
dirt bag
Janet Is The Only Jackson In The Black
- Aside from Janet, the Jacksons are all pretty much broke, working odd jobs, and living with their parents. [TMZ]
- Speaking of financial troubles: Heath Ledger was only worth $145,000 at the time of his death. [TMZ]
- Amy Winehouse's husband Blake is trying to get her to fund his drug habit in while he's locked up, which is like, news to no one. According to the security chief of Pentonville jail, where Blake Incarcerated is being held, "There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison." [The Sun]
- Meanwhile, Amy's mom Janis has a doctor's note to get out of dealing with her daughter's own drug addiction. She has multiple sclerosis and has said, "If I was to get heavily involved in Amy's problems things could get worse for me. I can't cope." [The Mirror]
Loose Lips
Bridget Moynahan made this hella long YouTube clip with her birth partner and best gay Sam Harris. If you don't want to watch all ten minutes of it, here are some highlights: Bridget didn't gain any excess baby weight (bitch), she is still marginally bitter about Tom Brady leaving her (she makes a veiled reference to it), and she wishes Ellen Pompeo would give her a job. • Scarlett Johansson is emphatically not engaged. She was just looking at wedding dresses for a family member, Us reports. [People, Us]
Bridget Moynahan made this hella long YouTube clip with her birth partner and best gay Sam Harris. If you don't want to watch all ten minutes of it, here are some highlights: Bridget didn't gain any excess baby weight (bitch), she is still marginally bitter about Tom Brady leaving her (she makes a veiled reference to it), and she wishes Ellen Pompeo would give her a job. • Scarlett Johansson is emphatically not engaged. She was just looking at wedding dresses for a family member, Us reports. [People, Us]
american titocracy
Dolly Parton Blames Tits For Postponing Tour, But Is An Eating Disorder To Blame?
"If somebody asks me point-blank, 'Have you had plastic surgery?' it's like, well, duh," Dolly Parton tells the latest issue of Ladies Home Journal in an interview tied to the concert tour she just canceled on account of her breasts. Prescient, no? The magazine doesn't say much about Dolly's new album, Backwoods Barbie, choosing instead to spend approximately 2,398 words on her breasts (which she nicknamed "shock" and "awe.") "They do seem like public property in a way. They served me well — I don't know if I'm supporting them or they're supporting me. I've always had nice ones but of course I've had 'em jacked up a bit...I'll never graduate from collagen." But her ever-eroding frame may have trouble accomodating such a heaving bosom: though she tells the writer she's trying to gain weight, she passes up fajitas and nachos in favor of a single sour candy and looks so thin she "couldn't arm wrestle an Olsen twin," according to the writer. More »
clips
We're not exactly sure why or how it happened, but we love that Amy Sedaris is in Dolly Parton's video for "Better Get To Livin'." With a circus/sideshow freak theme, the video features Amy as an announcer, some sort of baby doll creature, and a unibrowed fortune teller, while Dolly is the ringleader. More »
Amy Sedaris Stars In Dolly Parton's New Video
We're not exactly sure why or how it happened, but we love that Amy Sedaris is in Dolly Parton's video for "Better Get To Livin'." With a circus/sideshow freak theme, the video features Amy as an announcer, some sort of baby doll creature, and a unibrowed fortune teller, while Dolly is the ringleader. More »
ashley simpson
