What the hell? Sure, high fashion is about fantasy. But walking doesn't seen possible, or probable. Creating works of art is a noble goal, but what is the purpose footwear that cannot actually be worn to walk in? It's not just about heel height; these Dolce & Gabbana monstrosities do little to contort the foot. But they ought to come with an orthopedic surgeon on speed dial. Let's not get started — again — on the Galliano shoes that involve walking on the head of a "fertility idol". But the soaring heels at Prada, which seem to be held together by raffia, actually caused runway models — whose job it is to walk — to wobble and fall.

The least-ridiculous shoes in the slideshow are the wacky befeathered numbers by Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel. A lady may look like she's escaped from Fraggle Rock, but at least she can walk away with dignity, since the heels are mid-height. And look! Sunglasses to match.

Shoes From the Shows [NY Times]

Earlier: Fashion Show: Dior
At Fashion Week In Milan, Prada Was A Real Problem

• Poor Rachel Zoe! "I thought: I've done blood, sweat and tears for 15 years — why am I the victim here? I have had the nastiest things said about me! I don't understand." [NY Post]
• Shockingly, the CFDA's "Health Booth" (which educates fashionistas about eating) is deserted. [NY Mag]
• You already knew Sean Lennon was an ass: Spotted at Fashion Week, the modelizer "wore a magisterial women's coat with gold buttons and a top hat decorated with Native American bands. His girlfriend, Charlotte Kemp Muhl, wore a coyote headdress." [NY Mag]
• Justin Timberlake brings pissy back at his William Rast show. [WWD]
• Punk legend Malcolm McLaren accuses son and Agent Provocateur founder Joe Corre of counterfeiting punk duds. "I think my son actually used – maybe – the original labels, because we didn't use them all up...There'd be a roll of ribbon around in the workroom and maybe my son got a hold of those. I think he did this before he set up Agent Provocateur. Or in order to set up Agent Provocateur and fund it, he made a number of these fake clothes and sold them to dealers in Japan." [Independent]

• Speaking of Agent Provocateur: there's a new ad campaign! "Chanelling the gothic decadence of Hogarth, Caravaggio, Rubens and Delaroche’s Execution of Lady Jane Grey, it is a seething orgiastic scene of girls on top, girls on girls and boys and beasts. Peaches (Geldof) and Daisy Lowe, the bad girls du jour, both star, as does the flame-haired American actress Paz de la Huerta, who holds court over a sacrifice of a topless virgin, accompanied by two male cohorts — David Bailey’s Byronesque son, Fenton, and a 21-year-old albino boy named Alex." [Times of London]
• Intrepid fashionistas weather the storm at Fashion Week; Tory Burch even went barefoot! [NY Mag]
• Um, ex-squeeze us? Lifetime, the Project Runway-stealer, is delaying the premiere of the show's sixth season until January 2009. Resentment mounting. [Yahoo]
• Are we the only ones who are totally sick of hockey player/budding fashionista Sean Avery? Now he's decorated some booth at hot spot Beatrice Inn with sunflowers. [Style.com]
• Apparently lacking creativity, designers start predicting trends via computer programs. [NY Times]
• Knockoff jeans even bigger than knockoff bags! [UPI]
• The political tee market is also booming. Yes, Obama's outselling Mac. [NPR]
• The Mulleavy sisters keep their Rodarte label personal and awesome. "In 2005, to introduce themselves to the fashion world, the Mulleavy sisters sent out 30 handmade paper dolls, each with a paper armoire containing seven paper dresses. 'I was inspired by Zelda Fitzgerald’s paper dolls,' explains Kate, who, like Fitzgerald, drew extensively accessorized wardrobes." [NY Times]
• Dolce and Gabbana take their inspiration from Queen Elizabeth: "In place of riotous floral and animal prints, hour-glass corsetry and itsy-bitsy skirts came Argyle knits, oversized kilts that fall to mid-calf, printed silk headscarves and sensible footwear." We are not amused. [The Independent]
• Almost all the shoes we wear are imported, "yet the U.S. still imposes a tax on imported shoes that can reach as high as 67%." [WSJ]
• More PR for Ivory Coast fashion, as Patricia De Medeiros reinvents traditional motifs in her line, Tradition Mode. [Reuters]
• Pat Field's collaboration with British frump-monger Marks and Spencer is a gamble. [Independent]
• Iconic model Veruschka releases coffee table tome: “'I can’t say that I have any favorite photographs,' she said. 'Though I do have some favorite memories of the days they were taken. Working with Avedon, for example, was always a joy. But then it was all joy because that was a joyous time.'” [Style.com]
• Scandal-plagued model Jodie Kidd comes by it naturally: her grandfather tried to bribe Winston Churchill. [This Is London]
• PETA crashes DKNY, does nothing. [NY Mag]
• Following a lackluster start, Halston feels the heat. [WSJ]
• YSL has reformulated (we're guessing this means butch packaging) its Touche Eclat concealer for the metrosexual set. Zac Efron rejoices! [Telegraph]
• The fashionistas heave a sigh of relief that both potential first ladies dig clothes. [Reuters]
• DKNY, CK, battle it out at their runway shows for "most New York" designer. Doesn't Karan automatically win by having "New York" in her name? [Guardian]
• Struggling to define itself, Old Navy shops ad agencies. Remember how cool it was when it opened? Can't they just rehire whoever did that? [AdWeek]

One of the Asian woman image stereotypes is that of "China Doll." While this (gorgeous!) woman certainly has unreal skin, her "you may gaze upon me if you like but I'm busy doing other things at the moment" pose is not so passive as to be offensive. In my opinion. Am I wrong?
Fur, leather, luxe. Loving this despite myself.
Biba is back, sorta.
This feathery dress is organza and therefore mind-boggling, which means it must be super expensive.
So. Damn. Elegant.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner. If you shoot an Asian model, you have to have a kimono. Duh. Luckily they didn't opt for chopsticks in the hair. The model, Du Juan, is from Shanghai; kimonos are traditionally Japanese. But maybe since this one is by Donna Karan it's neither here nor there?

Earlier: We're Still Looking For Black Models
Merry Christmas, Black Models, Wherever You Are
Most Ladymags Continuing To Experience Whiteout Conditions

The trouble with last night's party at the Met, if I may speak frankly, is that it was a little like being sucked into a sequined wind tunnel. It started with a little breeziness before the superhero displays—Oh, hey, Narciso and Claire! Hi Liya! Alessandra! Isaac! Diane! Tom!—and then, suddenly, people seemed to be flying around the room....But I thought Anna Wintour looked great in her Chanel dress—fantastical fashion....And though I didn't see Victoria Beckham until later, in pictures, her lace Armani coat dress was definitely a look—Hollywood grandeur with a wink. Zac Posen and his date Kate Mara, in outfits painfully inspired by Superman, get the try-harder award. I'll be interested to know who you all thought looked super—and not.

One could probably read as many metaphors about the transformative power of fashion in the silver-sequined, elaborately padded Chanel gown that Anna Wintour wore to the Costume Institute gala on Monday night as one could in Superman's cape, which happened to be hanging in a gallery down the hall. The floor-length dress had curiously curling crescents attached at the hips and the shoulders, giving Ms. Wintour, the Vogue editor and overseer of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual Party of the Year, the fuller-bodied appearance of Botticelli's Venus on her clamshell. She seemed to be broadcasting a message of total earthly control. (Or it could have been that all the Vogue assistants standing along the way to Ms. Wintour's receiving line had been strictly instructed not to speak to anyone, not even to people they recognized, or that so many guests were unusually prompt.) With this year's gala titled "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy," Ms. Wintour pointed out that she was Storm, the "X-Men" character. "I control the weather," she said.

Blake Lively wore black gloves and a snug black Ralph Lauren gown involving feathers. She said that her favorite superhero was "Spider-Man. Cause he's awesome! He gets to swing around, and, I don't know....I've always seen pictures growing up, being a teenager, and thought, 'I'd love to go to that, a night just to dress up in ball gowns.' And here I am!"...Vogue editor and hostess Anna Wintour was the first to arrive, at 6:33 p.m., wearing a Chanel gown adorned with what appeared to be seahorse tails and accompanied by daughter Bee Shaffer, who required two men, including the formidable Vogue editor at large André Leon Talley, to carry the train of her voluminous blue Nina Ricci dress up the stairs....Designer Phillip Lim came with teenage model-of-the-moment Chanel Iman,..."I've been here last year, and this is her first time here, so she's the newbie...it's a lot of pressure."

It was a silver moment for Julia Roberts, wearing a swoop-neck dress by Giorgio Armani, who underwrote the event. Her co-chairs were Clooney and Anna Wintour, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, who wore a Superwoman creation by Chanel with snakes of padding at shoulders and thighs. Fashion's superheroes included Donatella Versace, who dressed Janet Jackson in a cut-away back dress, Karl Lagerfeld, wearing a sparkling silver jacket while he dressed Kate Bosworth in a multicolored patchwork of vintage Chanel; and Valentino, who was with the model Claudia Schiffer wearing a frilled blue dress from the retired designer's last collection....The cast of the newly revived "Hair" sang "The Age of Aquarius" and "Let the Sun Shine In." David Bowie, sitting with his wife, Iman, looked pained at this new rendition of the counterculture musical.

[George] Clooney joked that he had wanted to dress as Batman, but the costume was already in the exhibition, so he settled for a midnight blue Giorgio Armani tuxedo. Anna Wintour, shimmering in silver cyber-couture, by Karl Lagerfeld at Chanel, declared: "I stopped the rain"....The tennis star Venus Williams and American Vogue's editor-at-large, André Leon Talley, shared a red satin, super-cape for two that was custom-made by Chanel. The actress Scarlett Johansson wore a Dolce & Gabbana gown with a large diamond solitaire which announced her engagement to the actor, Ryan Reynolds. The designer Marc Jacobs confessed to wearing Superman underwear beneath his tuxedo....The "Superheroes" exhibition opens with a mirrored illusion of Clark Kent morphing into Superman and features radical catwalk creations by some of the world's top designers and comic book costumes from Hollywood blockbusters such as Spiderman and Batman.

It's the Oscars of the fashion industry, but if the looks on parade at Monday's Costume Institute gala in New York were anything to go by, that industry is in a sorry state of disarray. Hosted by Vogue editor Anna Wintour (in a Starlight Express moment, perhaps taking the superhero theme somewhat literally) and Giorgio Armani (looking as buff, relaxed and fashionably weathered as ever) the normally ultra-glamorous event fell flat as the proverbial pancake, where the frocks were concerned at least....how about Katie Holmes, who's clearly sharing a sunbed with her new best friend, Victoria Beckham? Someone really ought to have warned her that tomato red and orange is a challenging colour combination and that her razor-sharp bob is more Playmobil nurse than intergalactic heroine. And what of the aforementioned Mrs Beckham? Even by this particular fashion car crash's standards, her dress was disastrous. Nancy Reagan circa 1985, anyone? That cool-as-a-cucumber chignon, meanwhile, isn't kidding anyone. A Hitchcock heroine the artist formerly known as Posh most certainly is not.

Armani dressed Clooney and Roberts. "He asked me very sweetly if I'd be his date," Roberts, wearing a platinum Giorgio Armani Privé gown, said about the designer, who also outfitted other A-list celebrities, including Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Beyoncé Knowles and John Mayer....Clooney was taking it all in stride. "I get to have a drink. It's easy for me," he said. As for the superhero theme, he said he had a favorite when he was a kid: "Well, you know, I loved one that no one ever talks about, the Green Hornet. He was really cool." [Thandie] Newton, in a short dress in black lace with a long cape, said, "I like this because it's one look — and two looks. She made up her own superhero inspiration. "I'm Love Woman," she said. "I wanted to do a bit of skin."

"I think the secret of a good exhibition is when it happens very easily, which is what happened here," Anna Wintour told us of the Metropolitan Museum's Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy installation. We had many more looks in the exhibition than we could use, so [the idea] is obviously, once you start to look, really out there. It was largely Andrew [Bolton, the exhibition curator]'s vision that brought it all together but we've been very fortunate that at the same time," she added. "All these movies are coming out and the Olympics are coming up, so it all sort of came together."

Holy Stars, Batman! It was a celeb-studded affair at the Metropolitan Museum on Monday night as the world's fashion elite and Hollywood heavyweights met on Fifth Ave. to kick off the Costume Institute's latest exhibit, "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy." And while the night's theme celebrated cat suits and unitards, the red carpet featured far more glam getups: Co-hosts Julia Roberts and George Clooney giggled together as they strolled in wearing Giorgio Armani. "I wore the dress because he made it for me," said Roberts, who gave the designer, who sponsored the evening with Vogue magazine, a hug....Fashion darling Zac Posen took the theme seriously, rocking out Clark Kent-worthy spectacles and revealing his own secret identity. "I worked here as an intern for three years," he said. "I got paid $60 to do the event."

• OMG: Rachel Zoe has been disinvited from the Anna Wintour-hosted Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala, taking place Monday night in New York. This is what you get when you tempt the gods and proclaim yourself more important than Vogue. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Also, Wintour has instructed Vogue staffers that they may only wear white, silver, or other "pale shades." Just like the colors of faces that she likes to see on her magazine's cover! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld and designer/Chanel creative director "Krazy" Karl Lagerfeld were both named to the Time 100 List, as influential members of the fashion community. Something about the way they both made fashion about "the street" or something. [Vogue UK]
  
• Gisele Bundchen is still the top-paid model, according to Forbes. Heidi Klum is the second. Take that, Moss. [Sassybella]

• Agyness Deyn: The mannequin. [BlackBook]
• The Rogan for Target collection is also going to be sold at Barneys. Which is not Target at all. [WSJ]
• Steve & Barry's is going to be shilling Sex and the City movie merchandise, which will be licensed for the store under Sarah Jessica Parker's "Bitten" label. [Sassybella]
• Uh oh: Seems the women behind the red carpet label Marchesa are having a bit of a tiff. While Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig used to be knows as the label's "co-designers", their titles have been changed on their website: Chapman is now listed as "designer" and Craig is noted as "co-founder." [Page Six]
• Dockers: Trying to reach out to the hip and the young. LOL. [MediaPost]
• Christian Siriano: Designed a dress for Puma. [Chic Report]
• Helena Christensen on why she loves photographer Peter Lindbergh: "Even when I looked pretty funny back in the day with my baby fat, perm, and hippie clothes, he put me on the cover of British Vogue!" Oh, models. [Fashion Week Daily]
• The latest beauty tool you didn't know you needed: An eyelash comb. [BellaSugar]
• The Versace resort in Dubai is... sorta exactly what you would expect a Versace resort in Dubai to be. [Chic Report]
• Diane von Furstenberg, Dolce & Gabbana, Oscar de la Renta, Akira Isogawa, the members of Coldplay, Jeff Koons, Philippe Starck and Tory Burch have all been asked to create "themes" for iGoogle's new customized homepage thingies. [Sassybella]
• Vanessa Paradis: The new face of Miu Miu? [Glaumrama]
• Calvin Klein went on a little field trip to Dubai last week. Blah blah, models behind plexiglass. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Jones New York: Stock is up, profits are down. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Kohl's: Gonna slow down its expansion plan 'cause their scared of the economy. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• If you want to wear a pantsuit, make sure it's not double-breasted. [WSJ]
• Blue's Clues's: The shoes — at a Payless near you. [BrandWeek]

• OK, so the latest on the soap opera-esque tale of Nina Garcia is that she's been offered the part-time title of Editor-at-Large by the peeps at ELLE because they want her to stay on-board because she made ELLE famous because of Project Runway and let's face it, print is dying anyway and needs all the free press it can get. Also, Nina won't be able to remain a judge on Project Runway unless she's still affiliated with ELLE. Follow? Yeah, we really don't either but we're sorta hoping Nina will say thanks-but-not-thanks and pen a tell-all instead. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• And who will get Nina's old job of fashion director? Some say Roopal Patel, women's fashion director of Bergdorf Goodman. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• And some say it will be someone from within ELLE; senior fashion editor Kate Lanphear, perhaps? [Fashionista]
  
• Tell me who is responsible for making Justin Bobby into a model so I can personally punish them. [NYT]

• There is a God: Crocs profits are down. [The Street]
• Apparently not content with just suing Phat Fashions, Victoria's Secret has also filed a lawsuit against Macy's for, um, using the color pink. Just so you're all clear: Thou shalt not use the letter 'P' or the color pink. Those obviously belong solely to Victoria's Secret. Duh. [WWD, sub req'd]
• "Fashion for me is just a little bit over." Hey, Christian Lacroix said it, not us. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Lauren Hutton's makeup line: pink, yellow, olive and "Oprah dark." Jesus. [TMZ]
• Oh no: Gisele cannot be the female lead in the new Austin Powers movie. [Boston.com]
• And what did the sisters Olsen do while in Beijing last week? "Mary-Kate and Ashley restyle[d] the mannequins wearing The Row" at the Lane Crawford store where they had a trunk show. Aw, sweet! [WWD, 2nd item]
• Seoul, Korea wants to be "the fifth major fashion city," Um, good luck with that, kids. [WWD, sub req'd]
• And K-Mart wants to up its presence in the women's fashion area. Um, good luck with that, kids. [WWD, sub req'd]
• RIP Y & Kei. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Score one for Gucci against those counterfeiting bastards. [Reuters]
• Brit singer Duffy is the new muse of Dolce & Gabbana. Congrats? [Vogue UK]

• Matthew McConaughey baby mama/former model Camila Alves is doing something to really make a difference: She created a handbag line, called Muxo. "We wanted to create something that was unique and not already in the market, and it took us that long to create this. My main goal was to create something where people didn't have to compromise, that it could be exactly what they needed." Someone grab me a tissue, I think she just gave me a reason to keep on livin'. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Say what you will about the Daily Mail but it did put Anna Wintour on its worst-dressed list. [Daily Mail]
  
• Naomi Campbell is rumored to be the face of the Fall 2008 Yves Saint Laurent campaign. Maybe it will have an S&M theme? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Can we please discuss the placement of Victoria Beckham's breasts in the latest Marc Jacobs ad? [Sassybella]

• Minnie Driver is still solvent, y'all! At last week's L.A. Prada party last week she announced: "I'll have you know I dressed myself tonight. These are my own Prada clothes which I came in and bought!" God bless. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Lauren Conrad's makeup. [BellaSugar]
• An anonymous buyer for an English retailer confesses: "I haven't bought a pair of shoes I can walk in for about two years." This is just great; we are sort of revisiting that whole "bound feet" tradition they had for so long in China. [Telegraph]
• Victoria's Secret looks cheap? No shit! [AdAge]
• Is Madonna done with England and ready to pretend she's Italian? She's wearing (vintage) Dolce & Gabbana on the cover of her new album Hard Candy and Roberto Cavalli for the video of her single "Four Minutes" (which omg co-stars Justin Timberlake.) [WWD, 2nd item]

• Former Chanel model and activist Waris Dirie has gone missing; this is particularly concerning following the discovery of the body of fellow African model Katoucha Niane's body last week. Both models campaigned against female genital mutilation, a standard practice in many African countries (and elsewhere). Update: She's been found, thankfully alive. [CNN]
  
• "I would never put my health at risk. Obviously, working out is important. Well, I don't. What do you wear on the running machine? I can't bring myself to wear flat shoes." Why I love Victoria Beckham: No way is she not in on the joke. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• And, says Posh's new bff, Project Runway Christian Siriano: "This was a really hard season to beat, and I'm kinda worried about next season, because I feel like it'll be compared to our season. I'm thinking they need to change it up, but I don't want them to change it for the better 'cause then I'll be jealous....The line I showed at fashion week, I don't know if it's for the Bluefly customer — I would rather have it at Bergdorf and Barneys...that is, unless Victoria [Beckham] buys the whole collection, which she very well might." [WWD, 3rd item]

• "I'm a stockholder, not just the face," says Catherine Zeta-Jones on her involvement with Elizabeth Arden. Defensive much? [WWD, sub req'd]
• Dolce & Gabbana has been fined for tax evasion. [WWD, 1st item]
• Also, Bryan Adams is playing an invite-only show for the label on Saturday. Why is Bryan Adams back? [WWD, 1st item]
• Oh, and Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana are buying a monastery. Somehow, I suspect these three items are all connected in some sort of Da Vinci Code kinda way. [WWD, 1st item]
• Whoah we want some no-wedgie undies! [UPI]
• Is a Rem Koolhaas-designed Prada art gallery in the works? Eh, probs. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Jellies are back! [Chic Report]
• Vera Wang's Pam Beach home can be yours for $19 million. [WSJ]
• H&M has bought Cheap Monday denim. But we doubt Cheap Monday will be any cheaper now. [Sassybella]

• OMG Christina Aguilera looks so pretty in these Hitchcock-inspired Stephen Webster ads! It's like, we finally see what Christina Aguilera has been going for all these years with this excessive bombshell crap — and it is good. The wonders of Photoshop, folks! [Sassybella]
  
• Contrary to the rumors being reported like everywhere, Gisele Bundchen says she is not designing a line in — oh Jesus Christ, this word again — "collaboration" with Dolce & Gabbana. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Eva Mendes gets to keep her Calvin Klein perfume gig despite her stint in rehab. Somewhere Lohan is burning each and every piece of Jill Stuart she owns. Ha ha ha, as if she could find a specific of clothing in that mess. Just burn down the whole closet, Linds! [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Memo from the U.S. Court of Appeals to Polo Ralph Lauren: You don't own the image of a polo player, and you can't tell the U.S. Polo Association you do. But hey, nice try protecting that sophisticated "intellectual property" of yours! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Rashida Jones is backing an eco-friendly clothing line called Laloo. [Perez Hilton]

• Yeah, yeah, we heard: Matthew McConaughey and his babymama are designing a surfwear line together. [People]
• Insane(ly arrogant) designer Tara Subkoff sold off her Imitation of Christ label last year to Sass & Bide's ex-CEO. Only now she wants it back and, as can only be expected with her, is being a total snot about it. [Sassybella]
• Anna Wintour: Into basketball now? [Page Six]
• The Gap is getting a leeeeetle too cool for school, collaborating with the Whitney Museum, commissioning artists like Jeff Koons, Chuck Close, and Barbara Kruger to create limited edition t-shirts for the retail chain. Which is, well, sorta pretentious and annoying and more importantly like that's how you expect to start selling clothes again, Gap? [Fashion Week Daily]
• What happens to a designer's wares between the runway and showroom presentation? They alter them into things that people might actually wear! [WSJ]
• Estee Lauder: Now headed to a Home Shopping Network near you. [WWD, sub req'd]
• These kicks aren't for kids, but for girls! Pro Mama sneakers by Adidas...and Gabriella Davi-Khorasanee. [Chic Report]
• Also, Adidas profits are up. [NYT]
• But Neiman Marcus and Saks profits are down. Horrors! [NYT]
• And Roberto Cavalli is looking to sell off part of his eponymous label to a private equity firm. Man, will these private equity guys never run out of cash to burn? [WSJ]
• Want good skin? Moisturize. Also, don't drink, smoke, or let the light of day come in contact with your skin. [BellaSugar]

[Milan, February 21. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• What the world needs today: a celebrity fashion "collaboration"! The latest is Rachel Bilson, with Brian Reyes, and the apparel in question is bridesmaids dresses, for her BFF's wedding to The O.C. and Gossip Girl creator Josh Schwartz. We hope she choses a style that is flattering on people who are not anti-food. [Fashionista]
  
• In a sad day in the history of the legendary House of Givenchy, Justin Timberlake has been tapped to front a yet-to-launch new fragrance of theirs. And in heaven, Hubert de Givenchy cries into the bosom of Audrey Hepburn. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Fashion photographer Patrick Demarchelier, possibly off the deep end: "Love is everywhere. I look at you and I see love. Hearts are everywhere and love is everywhere. This is very good." Um, OK. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn: Banned again! This time from D&G. The As I Lay Dying of the garmentverse, that one. [Fashion Week Daily]

• On the whole, the buyers in attendance at the Milan shows thought they, how to put this, sucked. [WWD, sub req'd]
• A dress worn by Kate Moss! Now on eBay! [Sassybella]
• Do you like McDreamy as the face of Versace Men? [Uh, is that a rhetorical question? -Moe] [Sassybella]
• French label Paul & Joe: Now designing Perrier cans. We last heard of them when they did a Target collection. [Sassybella]
• Karl Lagerfeld, never one to miss out on a moment of potential glory, is staging a shhhhhsecret Fendi fashion show during Paris fashion week. Even though, like, Fendi's an Italian label and just showed. [Vogue UK]
• English designer/Agyness Deyn BFF Henry Holland: Collaborating with Levi's on an eight-piece capsule collection. For those of you who care enough to know who Agyness Deyn's BFF is, we can only assume. [Catwalk Queen]
• Hugo Boss is launching a new fragrance, Boss Pure. Because nothing's really quite as pure as a whiff of oversold department store cologne. [WWD, sub req'd]

• (Photoshop of) Horrors! It's Drew Barrymore on the March Vogue and something just does not look right. [Just Jared]
  
• You won't be seeing Lily Allen in her underwear anytime soon: the rumors about her being the latest face of Agent Provocateur are allegedly BS. [Sassybella]
  
• The Gap's spring advertising campaign features Coco Rocha, Anja Rubik and other top models. Think this will finally be the advertising campaign that convinces everyone to start buying their crappy clothes again? [Sassybella]
  
• Because the Oscars are actually on (thanks WGA!), the WWD reports that all the big celebs are already headed out to Hollywood to primp for Sunday night — you know it takes a week of preparation for these things — meaning the biggest celebs that can be wrangled for the front row of the Milan shows are James Blunt and some soccer players who are not Beckham. [WWD, 1st item]

• And yet... Monica Bellucci, Naomi Campbell, Sheryl Crow, Fergie, Lindsay Lohan and French actress Fanny Ardant are all expected to show for the Dolce & Gabbana show. Because, uh, that other thing we just said about no big celebs was just some stupid angle we made up. You think it's easy filling an ENTIRE NEWSPAPER with material solely about the fashion industry every day? [WWD, 4th item]
• Kanye: Likes Chanel cell phones. [Chic Report]
• Isla Fisher on her upcoming starring role in Confessions of a Shopaholic: "I've done a lot of research." LOL. [Sassybella]
• Yay Bob Mackie! The man who dressed Cher, Carol Burnett, Diana Ross and Barbie in some of their finest frocks is being honored by the Costume Designers Guild today. [WWD, 8th item]
• Gemma Ward: The face of Karl Lagerfeld's spring line. It's all sorta suburban goth girl....so I'm weirdly into it. [Sassybella]
• J.C. Penney and Ralph Lauren have teamed up to create a new, "exclusive" label. Polo Penney! We can't say this aloud and not laugh. [NYT]
• Takashi Murakami: He's everywhere! First on Vuitton bags, then at the Brooklyn Museum of Art in April and then at the Museum of Contemporary Art in LA in October. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Isaac Mizrahi's designing the costumes for the New York City Opera's production of King Arthur, which could actually be enough to get our asses to the opera. [Fashion Week Daily]
• It's so hard to be a model: "Everyone sees you as merely another pretty face, and I work really hard every day to show I am more than that," says Vanessa Hessler. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Execs at Gianfranco Ferre are all grumpy that the fashion community is being all gossipy about the unexpected (and unexpectedly swift) exit of creative director Lars Nilsson from the label. Um, are they new to the fashion industry? Gossip always takes precedence over clothes. [Vogue UK]
• Fight MS! Wear lip balm! [BellaSugar]
• Playboy cosmetics: Definitely skeeve us out. [BellaSugar]
• Matthew McConaughey. Dolce & Gabbana. Video. LOL. [Sassybella]

• Rumor has it that Victoria Beckham will follow her appearance on the cover of Elle and the Marc Jacobs ad campaigns with the April Vogue cover. [Sassybella]
  
• Speaking of: "No size zeros here!" say the Spice Girls when interviewed alongside Roberto Cavalli by International Herald Tribune fashion critic Suzy Menkes in Milan yesterday. Um, sure. [IHT]
  
• Alessandra Ambrosio is the latest Victoria's Secret angel to get knocked up. Ambrosio is allegedly "several" months along. And to whom did she choose to confide this intimate knowledge? The Hilton sisters, of course. [Page Six]
  
• Sucks to be Bergdorf Goodman's mens fashion director Tommy Fazio: Sucker got ousted from his front-row seat at the Versace's menswear show Saturday so that Beyonce's bodyguard could have some place to sit. Yeah, maybe you wondered where Beyonce gets off thinking she needs a bodyguard in a room full of emaciated models and juice-fasting gays, but you can never be too careful these days, what with the whole Benazir Bhutto thing. [Page Six]

• French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld's daughter Julia Restoin-Roitfeld is designing the Fashion Week invites for both Peter Som and Frank Tell. We'd maybe chalk this up to nepotism, but Jesus Christ, invites? Do we even care? Why are we even reading this? Oh right, because it's Carine Roitfeld's daughter.[Daily Chic]
• Yves Saint Laurent designer Stefano Pilati thinks he's super-duper hi-tech. Why, you might ask? Because he's showing his menswear collection this season in a short film. Wow. Next he's going to tell us he's traded in his cassette tapes for these newfangled things called compact discs. [Vogue UK]
• Gucci is issuing a limited edition accessories line, Gucci Hearts NY, to be sold exclusively in the Gucci 5th avenue flagship store. Somehow we think tourists are being targeted with this one? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Coldwater Creek's profits are in the toilet. Is global warming taking a toll on the Christmas sweater market? [The Street]
• English retailer Marks & Spencer has teamed with Oxfam to launch a new initiative where customers get M&S gift certificates in exchange for bringing in clothes to donate to Oxfam. But in case you were wondering, lingerie, underwear, swimwear, hosiery and socks can't be donated. Um, thank goodness. [Guardian]
• Lover of the dance Calvin Klein designer Francisco Costa is designing the costumes for the 27th-annual Elisa Monte Dance Gala, which begins on Friday at The Ailey Theatre in New York. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Burberry stock fell by 10% yesterday. Bet they're missing the chavs now! [FT]
• Ben Harper: Likes Lanvin! [WWD, sub req'd]
• January 23 is both the day of Valentino's couture show and the day of his retirement. Dude's been retiring longer than Cher. [Vogue UK]
• Dolce & Gabbana have collaborated with 20year old artist Alessandro Pezzati, who created hand-painted t-shirts for their menswear collection inspired by "found items." In other words, you can now buy a really expensive cashmere tee with a picture of garbage on it. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Model Coco Rocha: Enjoys a good spritz. [BellaSugar]
• 80s trend we'd rather not revisit... [Sassybella]

• Tomorrow night the new Bravo show Make Me A Supermodel premieres. It's hosted by Niki Taylor and Tyson Beckford, the latter of whom is um not exactly humble:"I used to shut the malls down. I was ahead of my time. I made the model a celebrity. It wasn't the celebrity that made the model but the model that made the celebrity. I used to pack kids into a mall and that's the frenzy I want to create with this show." Um, we were kind of more excited about Niki? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Seriously, we can't tell Penelope Cruz apart from her sister Monica in their new ads for Mango. But whatever, they both look fucking gorgeous. [Daily Mail]
  
• Is D-Squared the new Dolce & Gabbana when it comes to borderline offensive ads? The Italian design house's spring ads feature female models in lieu of where crash test dummies should appear. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Wildly unacceptable fashion licensing deal of the day: John Lennon accessories. First up, neckties. Next: Boxers. Not kidding! [NME]

• Poor Dmitry Prut: Designed the logo for Nicky Hilton's clothing line in exchange for a little free press for his Miami art gallery, only Hilton forgot to ever mention that he designed the logo. Whoops. [Page Six]
• Lagerfeld-designed Fendi toys! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Gisele + Versace = Toned-down sophistication?! Whoda thunk? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Christy Turlington is back at work as the face of Chanel bags for spring 2008. [Sassybella]
• The fashion industry has its grumpy pants on now that the Golden Globes have been cancelled: However will they get tons of free advertising now?! [WSJ]
• The latest in free trade: Jewelry! [Reuters]
• In some sort of perverse thank you, the Spice Girls will be attending the menswear runway show on Monday in Milan of Roberto Cavalli, who designed their god-awful costimes on their current tour. [WWD, 1st item]
• British everything-under-the-sun store Marks & Spencer's isn't doing so well profit-wise, after having worked really, really hard to up their fashion ante. So they're going to stop paying so much money to Lily Cole and other models and instead are going to shift their focus to food. [Vogue UK]
• Designer Zang Toi's computer got hacked and an email got sent to everyone in his address book saying he was inviting them to join the hot new (faux) social networking site Gayguyschat.com. Who knew hackers could be fashion-obsessed queens? [Daily Mail]

• Rachel Zoe is getting her own reality show on Bravo, set to air in either June or September of this year. The show promises to bring a much-needed behind-the-scenes glimpse of the secretive world of helping celebrities shop by following one of its most obscure-yet-fascinating practitioners as she goes about the...Ugh, please just end this writer's strike already. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• But God is not altogether merciless! Stock in Crocs is in the shitter. [Rocky Mountain News]
  
• Frances Bean Cobain: the new face of Chanel? Hopefully Lagerfeld et al can make her look a little better than she does in the photo dug up here. [PopCrunch]
  
• In case you were wondering, Project Runway season 2 finalist Daniel Vosovic thinks that the contestants on the early seasons of the Bravo reality show were much more talented than those this season. We agree, albeit less arrogantly. [NY Mag]
  
• Jay-Z just bought a small London fashion house Artful Dodger, which may explain why he's been stocking up on European currency. [Mirror UK]

• Cosmetics company Jan Marini is being forced to take its Age Intervention Eyelash Conditioner off the market because it apparently contains the same (patented) ingredients as certain glaucoma medications. [WSJ]
• Writing it does not make it so: We refuse to believe shiny leggings are flattering. [NY Mag]
• Pharrell Williams to "design" a line of Louis Vuitton jewelry. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Vans is suing Sketchers, saying that only the skater slip-on shoemakers can use their iconic checkerboard print. We're sure suburban pseudo-punks everywhere agree. [NYT]
• Marc Jacobs, Stella McCartney, Jil Sander, Burberry, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Donna Karan, Narciso Rodriguez and Versace are just some of the designers participating in a "sustainable" fashion show on January 31st in New York. Why not just make their own fall shows sustainable, you ask? [WWD, sub req'd]
• In either really good or really bad news for the gays (and the people who love them): Everyone's favorite no-longer-in-love designers of almost-campy "sexy" fashion, Dominco Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, are releasing the first ever D & G calendar, replete with naked men. The designers say that women are super into it. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Good news! No one look like they're being raped in the spring Dolce & Gabbana ads. [FabSugar]
• John Galliano's Christmas cards show Christian Dior putting hot rollers in Johnny G's hair! [WWD, 1st item]
• Luella Bartley: Ain't gonna come back to New York for the Fall 2008 shows in February. Staying home in Mother England and showing there instead. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Yohji Yamamoto: Now doing casualwear. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Christian Louboutin: Appearing on Oprah January 18th. [Fashion Week Daily]
• The first Laura Ashley store to open in Ashley's home country of Wales is closing. Wherever shall the Welsh procure their Little House on the Prairie garb now? [Telegraph]

• Despite toiling for so many years educating Americans on the merits of croc-skin bags on a certain premium cable TV show, Kim Cattrall says she has seen the PETA light: she's donating all the furs she wore in making the SATC movie to the animal rights organization so they can be donated to homeless people who no one will ever mistake for trendsetting style icons. There's just one flaw in that plan, and we think you might know what it is. [Page Six]
  
• Spanx is getting into the business of making bras. Shudder. [FabSugar]
  
• Gisele is the latest model to think she's a fashion designer. Ms. Bundchen's collection will be in stores in March 2008, but she didn't do it alone (surprise, surprise) — she's partnered with an obscure little duo known as Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana. [Vogue UK]
  
• Gucci will release a limited edition collection in honor of the Beijing Olympics. Wonder if anyone will follow up with a "Genocide Olympics" line? Yeah, probably not. [WWD, sub req'd]

• Why was Colin Farrell wearing Juicy Couture at the screening of his new film (directed by Woody Allen) the other night? "I got it for free. My personal style is quick." [Fashion Week Daily]
• French Vogue's Carine Roitfeld is being honored by amFAR this January for her philanthropic efforts to fight AIDS. We always knew she was a hooker with a heart of gold! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Pastel-colored condom compacts: Oy. [Sassybella]
• Leather jacket experts Belstaff: Costumed not only Steve McQueen way back when, but also Will Smith for I am Legend and Johnny Depp for Sweeney Todd. We will take an excuse to write about dreamy Johnny Depp. [Vogue UK]
• The latest pursuit by Donna Karan's holistic health care organization the Urban Zen Initiative: a celebrity DJ-created mix tape, natch. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oh no! The writer's strike might mean celebs may not want to attend the big awards shows this winter like the Oscars and the Golden Globes? Which means that designers houses won't be able to tactfully loan out their garb to the pretty stars and get lots of free advertising? Well if that's not a reason to care now about the poor writers, we don't know what is. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Jade Jagger, Katharine Hamnett, the Scissor Sisters, Rihanna and Timbaland are amongst the celebs to join forces in creating yet another celeb-clothing-line-with-a-cause: Fashion Against AIDS. The line will be sold at H&M and 25% of the proceeds actually go to charity. [Vogue UK]
• Target: Sorta doesn't give a shit about Christmas this ear. No special decorations, no special merchandise. Bah Humbug. [WWD, sub req'd]

• You may not recall this inconsequential blip on the screen of recent fashion history, but chronically-late designer Marc Jacobs showed up more than two hours late for his September New York fashion show, and a handful of people were annoyed, and so now Marc has apparently thought up a solution: taking an earlier slot next Fashion Week , when the Marc Jacobs show is slated to begin at 7 p.m. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Meanwhile, Marc Jacobs on the holidays: "I'm not really a Hanukkah person and I'm only a part-time Christmas person. We try to have a non-denominational holiday window every year." [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Isaac Mizrahi, though, loves the Hanukkah! "My boyfriend got a Jack Russell-Beagle mix named Deano over the summer and he's very difficult to find presents for. So for Hanukkah I'll be getting Deano a Kosher bone, a Star of David sweater and a Dreidel chew toy." [WWD, 2nd item]

• Matthew McConaughey on his new relationship (professional, of course!) with the Dolce & Gabbana boys: "I talked to Stefano briefly before shooting the campaign in Paris and Domenico and I just bonded over a restaurant meal a few days ago, when we met for the first time. They've hooked me up with some tailored suits and great shoes—what man could object?"" Ha ha, we know a few straight men who maybe could. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Eva Mendes: First she went "naked" in the last issue of Jane magazine, now she's disrobing for PETA. Girl just can't keep her clothes on. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Yves Saint Laurent is issuing a limited edition coffee table book. Yours for only $800! Um, please tell me there is still some actual, like, clothing item or accessory I could still get from YSL for that price? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Paris Hilton's Swedish Tourist Pizza Boy Alex Vaggo is officially a hanger-on-slash-"model"! He shot a campaign for Alexander McQueen's McQ line. They use his cash to blow the coke she buys with hers. [TMZ]
• American Eagle financials: meh. [Reuters]
• Ew, we don't think we want to know the origins of lipstick. [BellaSugar]
• Want to buy Luther Vandross' wardrobe at auction? Ummmm. [Times of London]

• We don't think we can design clothes, so why do clothing designers think they can blog? The Proenza Schouler boys, Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez, will be blogging for the New York Times's T: Style magazine's new site all this week. Says T's online editor, "One of the things I'm trying to avoid is solipsistic navel-gazing." Um, good luck with that! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• What would you do with $15 million? If you're Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana, you use it to give your New York flagship store a little make-over! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• And apparently it took $15 fucking million for Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana to haul their Italian booties here to New York. The designers will be back in New York for the first time in two years to celebrate the re-opening of their store at a private dinner tomorrow night. No, we weren't invited. [NYP]
  
• Say what you will about Sarah Jessica Parker, but at least she understands decorum. Of super low-rise jeans she says, "There is not going to be any inappropriate midriff showing, regardless of age," she says. "It's provocative in a way that I just don't feel comfortable with." Also? Kind of 5 years ago. [Daily Express]

• Prepare yourselves, people: Snowjoggers are the new Uggs. Just as ugly, and worn by Lohan too! [Independent]
• Stop the madness! Fashion houses are now hiring meteorologists as consultants to help them best predict the upcoming weather patterns and what kinda clothes folks are going to want to wear given the climate. Ridiculous? Or inspired? [NYT]
• The new apartment building in New York designed by Zac Posen's boyfriend is being shot by Elle international creative director Gilles Bensimon for an "advertorial" for Elle Decor. Follow? No? The lesson here is: It's all about who you're fucking. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Claire Danes walked as a model for Cynthia Rowley when she was 16. And waved to the other model going the opposite direction. Thank God this bitch isn't always so perfect! [Sassybella]
• Teen Vogue continues its strange dance between "art" and life as senior editor Kimball Hastings leaves the Condé Nast title to become the head of celebrity dressing for Polo Ralph Lauren. First: That's an actual job? Second: Apparently now Hastings himself is a "celebrity" because, uh, he's been on The Hills. [WWD, 1st item]
• The Wilhemina modeling agency is 40 years old! Mazel tov, models. [WWD, 5th item]
• Luxury markets? Not doing so well. Our guess? People are over expensive shit. [WWD, sub req'd]
• You've heard of a shaman — Rupert Sanderson is a shoe man. And when he sees a woman on the street in a pair of his handcrafted shoes, he has been known to "hurr[y] along behind her checking the balance and the line of the shoe, to see whether she [is] comfortable walking in them. [Then I] realise that I [am] getting a bit close though so I ha[ve] to cross the road in order not to appear like a stalker. But I got a better perspective on the shoes from the other side anyway." [Vogue UK]
• Burberry designer Christopher Bailey not only won Menswear Designer of the Year at the British Fashion Awards last week, but he also took home the Bambi Award for Fashion on Thursday and an honorary degree on Friday. All these people giving him accolades do know that he designs for Burberry, right? [Vogue UK]
• OMG cutest thing ever: A website where you can try to find your glove's lost mate! [Sassybella]

• The rumors are true! Victoria Beckham is the face of Marc Jacobs' spring 2008 collection and has already been shot by Juergen Teller for her print ads. Fashionista says it means Posh is now "officially and undeniably cool." Others within the fashion community are, um, bound to disagree! But they disagreed when he showed up two and a half hours late for his New York show, and he still hasn't filed for Chapter 11, so... [Fashionista]
  
• Kirsten Dunst, meanwhile, has been selected to be the face of the Miu Miu spring collection. God, is Kirsten Dunst still passing as some sort of style icon? She makes Sienna Miller look interesting. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• And speaking of! Ashton Kutcher is ousting Sienna Miller as the face of Pepe Jeans. We're pretty sure this doesn't mean great things for Ashton's career, but it means good things for us! [WWD, 1st item]

• And Matthew McConaughey is set to be the new face of Dolce & Gabbana's new men's fragrance. Gay, anyone? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Whoah: French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld was Tom Ford's muse when Ford was designing Gucci?! Yikes. [Sassybella]
• The poor, long-suffering Stella McCartney won designer of the year at the British Fashion Awards, which gives us some hope that there is a God, as she beat out "I'm Not A Plastic Bag" slag Anya Hindmarch for the title. No, nevermind, we take that back: Agyness Deyn took home model of the year and Hindmarch did win best designer brand. Marchesa (co-designed by Harvey Weinstein's special lady friend Georgina Chapman) won best red carpet label and Christopher Bailey won best menswear designer for Burberry. The totally insane Dame Vivienne Westwood won for outstanding achievement in fashion design, which we guess means that the voters just decided to pretend that her incoherent "manifesto" about the state of culture today never happened. [Vogue UK]
• The woman who brought us J Brand jeans is now moving into the world of dresses, launching a line of all-jersey dresses called Riller & Fount. They'll retail for between $100-$156, which we're pretty sure is still cheaper than a pair of fucking J Brand jeans. [WWD, sub req'd]
• The designers of the label Rodnik started a rock band. Also called Rodnik. And their first single just dropped in England. And Rei Kawakubo is throwing them a party to celebrate at the Commes des Garcons flagship store in London. Who wants to bet whoever DJs it will make more than Rodnik ever will for a gig? [Vogue UK]

• DesignerTory Burch is on the prowl! And just a few seconds shy of her ex Lance Armstrong. And we've got to hand it to the slinger of overpriced Upper East garb; she's dating both studio head Brad Grey and producer (and Katie Couric ex) Tom Werner. And all of them combined can't match the net worth of Lance's rebound, Ashley Olsen. Who, let us not forget, also designs clothing... and could be Tory Burch's daughter. Snap! [NY Post]
  
• Oh God: Tom Ford reportedly wants to direct an adaptation of Christopher Isherwood's novel As Single Man, which tells the story of a day in the life of a Hollywood gay. In other words, Tom Ford wants to make his directorial debut making a movie about Tom Ford. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• "The celebrity endorsement of pregnancy has made it a glamorous phenomenon." That's Fee Craig of the British maternity apparel website mama-la-mode.com. (Funny word to describe the act of perpetuating human existence, you know? "Endorsement"? Kinda dystopian even? And yet I'm pretty sure she said it without irony!) [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Macy's are fighting; they're saying they overpaid for a shipment of her line of beauty products and she's saying "no backsies." [NYP]

• Caviar in a Yves Saint Laurent tin? Useful, right? And yours for only $556. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Karl Lagerfeld guest-edited France's Connaissance des Arts magazine. And then put himself on the cover. [WWD, 1st item]
• The British Fashion Awards are tonight. If Anya "I Am A Talentless Hack" Hindmarch wins for Designer of the Year, we will cry. [Vogue UK]
• So many Lanvin boutqiues, so little time. The fashion house will be opening 12 more shops in the next 12 months, with more stores already being planned for the next two years. This impacts us not at all. [Vogue UK]
• Donatella Versace made her first-ever "official" visit to Russia this weekend. Haven't the Russians been through enough??? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Maternity wear designer to the stars Liz Lange is pulling a Rachel Zoe/Victoria Beckham and is writing a pregnant woman's style tome. Really, what more do pregnant women need to know other than, "BTW, your body is going to totally change" and "If you think this sucks, wait till your entire wardrobe is caked in vomit"? [NY Post]