You'll note that the word "manifesto" is separated into two parts, so that men, who apparently need to be reminded how to be men, will be able to identify that this is a very manly ad campaign. The word "man" is right there! And just in case men didn't get the memo that Dockers were some hardcore ass-kickin' gender-defining threads, the man-ifesto itself is filled with sexist, homophobic, patronizing bullshit that speaks, in Campbell's Chunky Soup badass font, to what is apparently a target demo of 17 year old douchebags in order to promote the notion that wearing Dockers is akin to be a true grown up. Because there's nothing as adult as being marketed to by the same type of people who used sassy fonts and bad-ass lingo in your youth to try convince both you and your parents that "when pizza is on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime," right?

Let's break this pants-ifesto down, shall we?

Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that's what they did.

Ladies, were you aware that men took charge in the olden days because "that's what they did?" Or were you too busy in the kitchen, where you belong?

But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny.

Translation: if you don't wear khakis, you're totally gay.

But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for.

Oh man, ladies. If we had a quarter for every time someone in our genderless society asked a question that had no answer, we'd, well, we'd be making an equal wage with our male counterparts.

The world sits by idly as cities crumble, children misbehave, and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes.

The whole bloody world is falling apart because YOU didn't buy your father his Dockers for Christmas! Now is a time for heroes! The first time since...bad guys, whatever the hell that means.

We need grownups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It's time to get your hands dirty. It's time to answer the call of manhood. It's time to wear the pants.

Amen, am I right? Thank the lord that men in khakis will finally swoop in to "untie the world from the tracks of complacency." And what kind of bro eats salad!? Whatever! You need to get in line with the anti-khaki disco crowd, bro! Salad! Lattes! East Coast elitism! Men in khakis will finally save us from the world of...other men in khakis!

Can I tell you something about Dockers? My father loves them. Wears them when he's golfing or on a casual business day. They are stain resistant and wrinkle free. They look nice with a sweater or a golf shirt. They are sturdy and reliable and reasonably-priced and my mother has been buying them at the mall for approximately 20 years.

Now let me tell you something about my father: he's helped to raise three daughters, he takes his job very seriously, helps neighbors and friends whenever he can, and has been happily married to my mother for over 35 years. My father is a grownup. This ad campaign is not aimed at my dad. It is aimed at men who have absolutely NO intention of growing up, but every intention of claiming every stereotypical "man" role as a means to act as if they've crossed some great developmental threshold. If anyone has to grow up, it's the advertisers who keep pushing this sexist, backwards bro culture down everyone's throats.

[Dockers]

• Whitney Port isn't in Kell On Earth. And on Lauren Conrad: "We still keep in touch on a friendship level. But in terms of fashion we don't really talk about it anymore because we're not in the same arena." [PopEater]

• AIDS prevention is a cause dear to Carla Bruni's heart. Her brother, Virginio, died of the disease in 2006, and she told French television yesterday that working in fashion in the 1980s, the disease was omnipresent. "The fashion world was hit head-on by the AIDS pandemic," she said. "It really did lose members of its family." Bruni is now an ambassador with the Global Fund to fight AIDS, TB, and malaria, and yesterday the Elysée Palace was festooned for the first time with red ribbons. [AFP]
• A fan named Diane called in to P. Diddy's Home Shopping Network show Monday night. "I'm so nervous!" she squealed. "Don't be nervous," replied the suave object of her affections. "I wish I could just jump through the screen and give you a hug, girl." [The Cut]
• Alber Elbaz designed some sweet heart-shaped Lanvin stamps, covered with his doodles, for the French postal service. [WWD]
• Maria Sharapova would like a fashion line, just as soon as she's finished kicking everyone's asses on the court. [Reuters]
• Liberty of London is taking its gorgeous William Morris aesthetic to the masses: it's partnering up with Target. [WWD]
• John Galliano not only designed a gorgeous Christmas tree that looks right out of a Hokusai print: it will be installed at the Claridge's hotel in a constellation of 20 of his haute-couture dresses. Swoon. [Telegraph]
• If Simon Doonan wanted a crowd, he should have gone the way of XOXO's flagship, which features a rotating cast of two female models paid to dress and undress in front of a glass window on 5th Avenue. The creative director who came up with the concept, in case you're wondering, is a woman. [CNN]
• Mango inked a deal with J.C. Penney. The Spanish brand has 1,200 stores worldwide, but only 12 in the U.S., so their distribution in this country has just officially mushroomed. [Crains]
• Carmen Dell'Orefice is working on a coffee table book of photography, scheduled for release on her 80th birthday. This story is funny mainly for how the Post mangles her name. Carmen De L'Orifice, indeed. [P6]
• Jil Sander's latest jewelry collection, made with Damiani, is out. "Jil Sander, even being considered as the brand of pureness, can create a product category such as jewelry," sniffed creative director Raf Simons. Prices start at around €890 for the baubles; Jil Sander watches are coming in the spring. [Independent]
• Seamstresses and designers who were employed in Christian Lacroix's workshop were yesterday told they had lost their jobs, following the court ruling that the bankrupt house could be transformed into a licensing operation. Dressmaker Nadia Schoope said, "I didn't think it would finish like that. I can't understand how a house like Lacroix cannot draw buyers." Monika Soszynska, who worked in couture accessories, said, "It's surreal, we can't believe that it's stopping, it's not possible. I can't believe we won't be doing the next haute couture collection." [ToL]
• H&M wants to open home stores. The Swedish retailer, which has been plagued by declining sales, opened 240 stores this year. [WWD]
• Dockers thinks the tag line "Behold the second dawn of man" will move some khaki pants. Global marketing vice president Jennifer Sey tells BrandWeek about the genesis of the campaign: "We started to do some research. In today's world, men have lost a bit of footing, in part because women have come so far, but we also found a few surprising facts: Eighty-percent of those who suffered unemployment in the last year were men. Women outnumber men in the workforce now. But the most surprising fact of all was that men's testosterone levels have been dropping by a percentage point a year for the last 20 years. All these factors add to up say, 'Wow, men are struggling in today's world.'" She's not trying to sell pants with pathetic anti-feminist rhetoric, she's just trying to "inspire today's men to be men," ladies. [BW]
• Roland Mouret has a capsule collection for Net-A-Porter on sale now. The seven lovely silk dresses come in seven bright colors, and cost $1,495-$3,070. [WWD]
• The fate of all Victoria's Secret diamond-encrusted bras is to be dismantled for parts. Because nobody ever buys them. [WSJ]
• Christian Louboutin, on Jennifer Lopez's single, "Louboutins" — which name-checks his brand 45 times, yes, he counted: "Jennifer told me about the song back in January, and I was extremely flattered. But of course, in America the public pronounces my name in like a million different ways. So Jennifer called me, and she was like, 'Listen, I want to make sure that I get it right.' And she did...from the very first time! I know the song by heart now. Because the brilliant part of the single is that it's not about me. It's about a girl and her shoe. When something is so in mass culture and you have almost nothing to do with it, it's kind of cool. It's weird but not disagreeable." [FWD]

• Paris Hilton, aka the rich man's Heidi Montag, premieres her line for Dollhouse. "Some pieces, like the tees with her face plastered on them, are quintessentially Paris, and others are a bit more rock 'n roll like her sister Nicky." Huh? [FabSugar]
• Meanwhile, in the world of the equally inexplicable, Jessica Simpson announces a dress line. "I'm extremely excited to be expanding into the dress market," Simpson tells WWD. "I plan on creating beautiful dresses in distinctive fabrics and silhouettes that are reflective of my personal style and offer something special to the marketplace." [VogueUK]
• Perennial charmer Naomi Campbell on upstart "supermodels": "Models need to earn their stripes – I just think the term is used a little too loosely. Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele, I don’t think there’s been one." [The Sun]
• Um, if we're asking the pope to throw off antiquated traditions, I'm not sure his fur cape should be our highest priority. [Times of India]

• Recessionistas get all DIY; add beads to stuff. [Telegraph]
• Tsubi, or Ksubi, jeans founder Gareth Moody is apparently not that interesting. [New York Magazine]
• Paging 1984. "Nantucket preppy style." [Style.com]
• Can a nation with as much grinding poverty as India's justify a couture market? [Hindustan Times]
• Retailers get antsy about holidays; hope to distract customers with elaborate decorations. [WWD]
• Former Etsy Knits CEO changes title to "chief creative officer," "a nice loose moniker that will allow me to focus on what I'm best at: product work and long-term, big-picture thinking." [Alley Insider]
• Thought Crocs were the nadir? Meet FitFlops. [New York Magazine]
• Golfer Ryuji Imada hooks up with Lacoste. [WWD]
• Style.com gets a makeover. [Fashionista]
• Alert your mother at once! Dockers launches women's separates, so she and dad can match. [WWD]
• For some reason, Hermes thriving. [Forbes]
• Menswear shows sound horrifying: "Baggy shirts, wrinkled T-shirts, campus-throwback sweaters and boat shoes ruled at New York's nascent Mens Runway." [Reuters]
• New Diesel swimwear mixes "bikinis with props like baseball helmets, boxing gloves, football pads and other sports gear to tie in with the "collegiate varsity" theme in the brand's sportswear collection." [WWD]
• Unlike some of us who work online, apparently the "ShopBop girls" are really chic. [FabSugar]
• If you wanna see Mischa Barton's photo shoot, you're in luck: Nylon's starting podcasts. [Fashionista]
• Random teens for Bongo jeans? At least Perez is happy. [Perez Hilton]
• More on the Diesel/Viktor and Rolf marriage of convenience. [Sassybella]
• We're guessing the 12-year-old fashion blogger Tavi would have had contempt for us in middle school. [New York Magazine]
• Rachael Ray's non-status bag. [Radar]
• Short hair? All the crack. "But instead of the asymmetric (typically 60s) ‘pob’ made famous by Posh last year, the new bob hair style is more fashion forward thanks to YSL who has made the glossy, pudding bowl cut the look of next season." [ElleUK]

• OMG: Rachel Zoe has been disinvited from the Anna Wintour-hosted Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala, taking place Monday night in New York. This is what you get when you tempt the gods and proclaim yourself more important than Vogue. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Also, Wintour has instructed Vogue staffers that they may only wear white, silver, or other "pale shades." Just like the colors of faces that she likes to see on her magazine's cover! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld and designer/Chanel creative director "Krazy" Karl Lagerfeld were both named to the Time 100 List, as influential members of the fashion community. Something about the way they both made fashion about "the street" or something. [Vogue UK]
  
• Gisele Bundchen is still the top-paid model, according to Forbes. Heidi Klum is the second. Take that, Moss. [Sassybella]

• Agyness Deyn: The mannequin. [BlackBook]
• The Rogan for Target collection is also going to be sold at Barneys. Which is not Target at all. [WSJ]
• Steve & Barry's is going to be shilling Sex and the City movie merchandise, which will be licensed for the store under Sarah Jessica Parker's "Bitten" label. [Sassybella]
• Uh oh: Seems the women behind the red carpet label Marchesa are having a bit of a tiff. While Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig used to be knows as the label's "co-designers", their titles have been changed on their website: Chapman is now listed as "designer" and Craig is noted as "co-founder." [Page Six]
• Dockers: Trying to reach out to the hip and the young. LOL. [MediaPost]
• Christian Siriano: Designed a dress for Puma. [Chic Report]
• Helena Christensen on why she loves photographer Peter Lindbergh: "Even when I looked pretty funny back in the day with my baby fat, perm, and hippie clothes, he put me on the cover of British Vogue!" Oh, models. [Fashion Week Daily]
• The latest beauty tool you didn't know you needed: An eyelash comb. [BellaSugar]
• The Versace resort in Dubai is... sorta exactly what you would expect a Versace resort in Dubai to be. [Chic Report]
• Diane von Furstenberg, Dolce & Gabbana, Oscar de la Renta, Akira Isogawa, the members of Coldplay, Jeff Koons, Philippe Starck and Tory Burch have all been asked to create "themes" for iGoogle's new customized homepage thingies. [Sassybella]
• Vanessa Paradis: The new face of Miu Miu? [Glaumrama]
• Calvin Klein went on a little field trip to Dubai last week. Blah blah, models behind plexiglass. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Jones New York: Stock is up, profits are down. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Kohl's: Gonna slow down its expansion plan 'cause their scared of the economy. The usual. [WWD, sub req'd]
• If you want to wear a pantsuit, make sure it's not double-breasted. [WSJ]
• Blue's Clues's: The shoes — at a Payless near you. [BrandWeek]

• Anna Wintour-mocking Rachel Zoe has been dropped from her management company because "they didn't want to anger Anna and Anna is more important." [NY Post]
  
• Agyness Deyn, the Most Important Model In The Universe right now, turns out to not really be 18 or even 21 (ages she's given to various interviewers) but 24. Which explains why Dodai calls her "Hagness". [Daily Mail]
  
• Vogue's Andre Leon Talley is really glad that Calvin Klein is using black actor Djimon Hounsou as the face of his campaign because Talley feels that black faces are not getting the exposure they deserve. Which is why, we assume, he referred to Honsou as "what's his name... [the] black man." LOL. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Paradox of the day: Dockers trunk shows. [WSJ]

• Designer Veronique Branquinho edited the October issue of A Magazine, published in her mother country of Belgium, because editing fashion magazines is so mindless and simple that even a fashion designer — or Kirsten Dunst! — can do it. If it were any harder the editors would maybe have to eat something. [WWD, 1st item]
• Proof "at last" that fashion folk have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Chanel artistic director Jean Helleu, he who compared Keira Knightley and her fake breasts to an urchin or something, died Friday evening at age 69. He believed "taste is a gift." Hah, the gift that keeps on taking away our money! RIP. [Vogue UK]
• Status watches the new status bags? We thought that's what status meals were! [IHT]
• Ugh, another model with a makeup line. Someone tell Trish Goff we don't care. [WWD, 2nd item]