Contender: Amy Siskind

Outlet: The Daily Beast

Known Biases: Patron Saint of the PUMAs

Best Known for: Being Pro-Palin post-HRC

Can't Stand Stupak-Pitts because:

She feels like Obama has been selling out women since the campaign trail.

Women's love affair with Obama started in 2007. Some loved the idea of him-while not questioning his ideas. So when some women leaders heard the candidate say things like "sweetie" or "you're likable enough," or saw Obama's speechwriter Jon Favreau groping the breast of a cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton on Facebook (no comment), these leaders ignored the signs of subtle misogyny. The National Organization for Women (under its former leader) endorsed its first all-male ticket. And NARAL endorsed Obama over Sen. Clinton, even though she had a proven track record on reproductive rights. In January 2009, Ms. Magazine's cover featured a now-infamous image of Obama in a superman pose sporting a t-shirt that reads: This is What a Feminist Looks Like.

With these women leaders behind him, President Obama felt he could be himself. He appointed fewer women into his cabinet than President Bill Clinton. He surrounded himself with czars, more than 90% of whom are male. He appointed Larry Summers, of "girls are inferior in math and science" fame, to a key economic post. He played basketball, golfed and fished with men and men only. He had beers with Skip Gates, but ignored it when Rihanna was almost strangled to death. And so on.

The love affair started to fade with Obama's off-handed response during an MSNBC interview questioning his all-male outings: "I think this is bunk." That remark gave women a reason to take a closer look at the inner workings of Obama and his ideas. And just as Betty Friedan described the subtlety of sexism as "the problem that has no name," "bunk" revealed that the boys club was still alive and well at the White House.

Best Shot:

The sleeping giant-America's majority constituency-is awakening. Note how few men are speaking out about the fact that a major issue for women was thrown under the bus to get a deal done: That women were not valued. It is the women leaders doing the talking and the typing.

Wants to take action by:

Lesson one-we need more women in leadership roles. Women's organizations need to drop partisanship and work together to get more women into public office for both parties. Sisters, we cannot count on either party to represent our interests; we can only count on ourselves. (And when our women leaders do, on occasion, get it wrong-as Speaker Pelosi did this past weekend-we need an ample bench of women politicians surrounding her, and strong advocacy groups to steer her right).

Lesson two-with this awakening, there will be a quest to get a woman into the White House in 2012. Find us a woman leader who might have her personal beliefs, but will agree to keep them as just that, and you might just have a deal!

Contender: Kate Harding

Outlet: Salon's Broadsheet

Known Biases: Fat activism, unapologetic feminism

Best Known for: Baby flavored donuts All around awesomeness.

Best Shot:

Our supposed allies who still keep trying to convince us that one more nibble won't amount to anything much. Only this time, we're not buying it. We are ready to go there. As Smeal told Goldstein, "We didn't want to make a fuss, we agreed to a compromise that was already over-generous. And then, bango! These guys go in there like gangbusters. Pelosi was held up, like by bandits. Now the women are saying, 'That's it, it's enough.'" And it's not just the women — or just the staunchest pro-choicers — who are fed up with Democrats who act exactly like Republicans did before their party moved so far right it landed on a different planet. Kos himself (who's taken plenty of criticism over the years, including some from me quite recently, for exhorting women to ignore the nibbles for the greater good), is reminding people today that donations to the DCCC will support Democrats who "voted for the Stupak-Pitts coathanger amendment," as well as anti-healthcare reform ones. Moveon.org is also going after Democrats who voted against the bill. And gay rights activists have launched a "Don't Ask, Don't Give" campaign, encouraging progressives "to no longer donate to the DNC, Organizing for America, or the Obama campaign until the President and the Democratic party keep their promises to the gay community, our families, and our friends." Suddenly, for a host of different reasons, progressives are sending the message that we will not support these people if they keep breaking their promises and acting against our interests.

It's an exciting moment, and there's a chance to make a real difference if this latest swell of righteous indignation doesn't lead directly to the same old shit: Some of us panic about losing a Democratic majority and start hollering at others to quit being so picky and oversensitive about our "single issues" and take one for the team. (Again. Still. Always.) If we can work together as a bona fide progressive movement, rather than a bunch of competing groups who will all ultimately settle for holding our noses and blocking the worst Republicans, we might actually force the Democrats to give us more than empty shout-outs on the campaign trail. But if some of us will sacrifice gay rights for a chance at advancing our own agendas, and others will sacrifice reproductive rights for a chance at advancing theirs, and a ludicrous number of self-identified progressives will sacrifice pretty much everything they claim to believe in, just because the words "Democratic majority" sound so much better than the alternative, then nothing will change.

Can't Stand Stupak Pitts because:

Since the healthcare reform bill passed the House with the Stupak-Pitts amendment intact on Saturday night, feminists have been up in arms about the latest assault on access to abortion, and so-called progressive men have been telling us to calm down and look at the big picture. In other words: same old, same old.

Wants to take action by:

Really, when those are the options, there's only one logical conclusion: This is not our party. We've known that for too long, and yet the Democrats have known too well that they could bank on our money and our votes as long as the GOP remained even more not our party. But something's changed. Sixty-four Democrats voted to block women's access to legal medical services. That may not be quite as repulsive as some Republican shenanigans, but the difference is only one of degree. If the point of women voting for "moderate" Democrats is to avoid a majority that's actively hostile to women, then those who voted for the Stupak-Pitts amendment just proved that there's no point at all. And progressive women have finally had enough. We are ready to go there. Are Democrats ready to try getting elected without us?

Judge's Call: Siskind goes for body blows, but has no artistic savoir faire. All her moves are recycled. Harding plows in with passion, wearing down her opponent before trying for the TKO.

Winner: Kate Harding, for taking the long view of both problem and solution.

Loser: The Democratic Party - because when two different factions of women are calling for blood, there's going to be some drama at election time.

How Obama Sold Women Out [Daily Beast]
Face it: The Democratic Party is not for women [Salon]

MEGAN: What got you interested in politics as a young woman?

GOVERNOR GRANHOLM: Actually my folks — who were immigrants, and I'm an immigrant to this country, too, having been born in Canada, though we moved here when I was 3 years old — they were always very focused on service. And they taught me that we were put on this planet to do something more than serve ourselves and that we have an obligation to make it better, in whatever way people can do that. My parents are avid Republicans so, in high school, I worked for Gerald Ford, going door-to-door when he was seeking to be re-elected, or, elected for the first time since he ascended after Nixon.

But, when I got to college, post-high school, I moved further to the center and then further to the left. I ended up working for John B. Anderson, who was an independent Presidential candidate. Then I continued to move further left on the spectrum and became an avid Democrat, largely because I come from such middle class roots and knowing that, in my experience, the Democratic party has been the party that speaks to pocketbook issues for real people and speaks to equality and tries to make the playing field level for all citizens. So that's how I got interested in politics.

MEGAN: And what made you decide are all the kinds of service, of all the ways you could have served your community, to go into politics?

GOVERNOR GRANHOLM: I went to law school — I was the first person in my family to go to college at all and ended up going to Harvard Law School, which was a really big deal for my family — and at law school I wanted to be a civil rights lawyer. There just some truly great professors, especially women professors, who really motivated me to make sure that the law was used as both a sword and a shield for making sure that people had equal access to jobs or to whatever democracy has to offer. So when I got out, I thought I was going to be a public sector lawyer — I was going to be a civil rights lawyer, I ended up a prosecutor. I had a very good track record as a federal prosecutor. So, in fact, I wasn't thinking about political office for myself. I worked for campaigns and I supported political candidates, but I never thought of myself as someone who would run.

But when the attorney general of the state of Michigan retired, a number of people came to me and said, "You know, you should run for attorney general." And I thought, "Get out of here! Why would I do that?" My mother always told me three things you should do or not do:

1. Don't ask strangers for money.
2. Don't talk about yourself because no one wants to hear it, and
3. Don't wear your good clothes every day.

But when I started running, which was a really big deal because a lot of times women, I think, are used to being in the background and helping others, so it's difficult sometimes for women to say, "It's me." I'm a pre-title IX woman, so for our generation a lot of times the kind of competition and competitiveness and the sense of besting your opponent was not something we had a whole lot of access to in school. So it was a very bid decision for me to decide to run for statewide office when I'd never been elected to anything. But that's how I jumped in.

MEGAN: I've heard this from other women candidates, and you alluded to it earlier, this reluctance among particularly women candidates to ask people for money. On the other hand, women candidates — and you can see that from the women Senators, Governors and Congresspeople here —can be really great fundraisers. What has your experience been like raising money to continue to run for office.

GOVERNOR GRANHOLM: Well, I've raised record amount of money for a Democratic candidate in our state. But the reason why it becomes easier is that you realize that you're not asking for money for people about you. It's not about you. It's about what change you want to bring about. So if I'm going to advocate for and bring alternative and renewable energy jobs to Michigan, that's what you're investing in, that policy. If I'm advocating for early childhood education, that's what you're investing in. And it's a much easier thing when people realize this. Hillary Clinton the other night said, "Did you get involved in this campaign for me? Or did you do it for the woman with leukemia?" You did it for that. That's what it's all about.

So getting women to step out of themselves and to realize that this is about something much more important than just one person or one's self. It's not about ego. It is about getting things done. And that's the great thing about women candidates — it's that they get things done. They're used to being the ones who get things done and not necessarily having to be the one to take the credit. And that's why they're so effective as leaders and as candidates — because they're generous and gracious candidates, and they're generous and gracious leaders.

MEGAN: If you had one piece of advice that you could give to the women reading this site that might be interested in getting involved in politics, where would you advise them to start, or what would you advise them to do?

GOVERNOR GRANHOLM: There's a couple of places that have great resources. The Barbara Lee Family Foundation — now, I speak as a governor — in Massachusetts is focused on getting women to run for executive office. And they have a book called "The Keys to the Governor's Office" — but you could say the keys to any executive office that women might want to run for. It has specific steps that women should take if they are interested in running.

But I think the most important step that a woman needs to take is to be bold. To realize that change is not going to happen unless they jump in, and not to cede it to other people, not to assume that others are going to do it for them. If they are dissatisfied about something then they have the responsibility as a citizen on the planet to make that change themselves. So they need to get the backbone steel to jump in. And there's lots of tools out there for women once they've made that decision. But it's the threshold decision that is theirs. And I think they need to ask themselves why they were put on this planet.

She spoke at the DNC not because she's an old political hand, but because she's the poster woman for the unfairness of pay equity. Lilly was paid less than her male colleagues for 19 years while working for Goodyear and only found out near the end of her career from an anonymous tipster how badly she'd been screwed. She sued and won, but the Supreme Court ruled last year that, since she hadn't filed her case within 180 days from when Goodyear started discriminating against her, she wasn't entitled to a dime. Legislation that would reverse that ruling is pending in Congress, but John McCain has said that he doesn't support the bill and the bill is being subjected to a Republican filibuster to keep it from passing.

MEGAN: Is this your first convention? Were you politically active before your case?

LILLY: This is my first convention. Being politically active is a more recent thing. Recently, with my experiences, it's gotten very personal for me. Because it really does make a difference.

MEGAN: Why did those experiences make you politically active?

LILLY: When I found out [that she'd been discriminated against by Goodyear], I thought about just moving on, letting it go, retiring, but I just couldn't. So I went to court, to federal court with the lawsuit and I won $3.8 million which the court immediately reduced to $300,000. Then Goodyear took it all the way to the Supreme Court and they ruled against me 5-4. And so I lost my case at the Supreme Court. And what they said to me was, basically, those 5, they changed the law. So what I'm fighting for now is to change the law back to how it was before so that when people find that they are discriminated against they can do something about it.

MEGAN: What would your advice me to young women to avoid what happened to you, besides being politically active?

LILLY: Be very knowledgable about the companies you work for, their pay scales and their treatment. If it's a young person inside a corporation, it's good to pick up a mentor from within the company or even someone outside the company that's aware of the company's operations.

MEGAN: When John McCain said that he was opposed to the legislation that would change the law back, the bill that's known as the Lilly Ledbetter bill, and he said that we could fix sexism in the workplace and pay equality by giving women better training, how did that make you feel?

LILLY: That proved to me, without a shadow of a doubt, that John McCain was out of touch with reality. Because, I've met a lot of women that have been discriminated against, but one stands out to me. She was a medical doctor in New York and she ran the pediatric wing at the hospital but she was paid less than the two male doctors that worked under her. And when she complained to the hospital, they cut her title and they cut her opportunities to work outside the hospital. Now, John McCain's not right because, in that case, you can't get much more education than being a pediatric doctor. John McCain is out of touch with reality.

Related: TAP Talks with Lilly Ledbetter [The American Prospect]
Lilly Ledbetter [Matthew Yglesias]
McCain Dismisses Equal Pay Legislation, Says Women Need More 'Training And Education.' [Think Progress]
ACLU Disappointed in Senate’s Failure to Consider Fair Pay Legislation [ACLU]

MEGAN: I am so happy to have you back! (When you're back from getting coffee, that is).

MOE: Okay, here I am, having showered and resigned myself to brewing coffee because I can't leave the house twice in the same morning that is blasphemous, and watching Fox News. Wow, has John McCain cast a wide net for running mate! They are talking about Meg Whitman! Alaska Governor Sarah Palin! Mitt Fucking Romney! (God I would love it to be Romney!) But I suppose we should talk about last night's speech, even if I kind of think it's not worth talking about.

MEGAN: Well, the VP speculation was all the rage in the press box last night when no one was speaking. MSNBC was reporting it was Pawlenty, rumors were flying it would be Kay Bailey Hutchison, someone who doesn't have to be non-partisan was begging for it to be Romney, it was pretty amazing. And how is it not worth talking about?! It was amazing. People were crying. Like, hearing the way African-American people talk about this and the symbolism of seeing him be the standard bearer for the party, has been really interesting actually. One woman I interviewed for Glamocracy was like, black folks don't get invited to conventions very often, but we finally feel not just allowed but welcomed.

MOE: Yes, that is beautiful and moving and amazing and shit, but I gotta agree with what Noonan warned me about with that venue which is to say:

My own added thought is that speeches are delicate; they’re words in the air, and when you’ve got a ceiling the words can sort of go up to that ceiling and come back down again. But words said into an open air stadium…can just get lost in echoes, and misheard phrases.

Or cliches and tiresome pandering, which is, I believe, what that venue did for the speech. I love this guy, but if he is going to knock China within his first few minutes, if he has to take it to the illegal immigrants undermining our wages…well Jesus Christ, Barack Obama, this is your chance to point out, And I Say All This Not Because Illegal Guatemalan Meatpackers And Migrant Chinese Factory Workers At Heart Deserve America Any More Than We Do…but because we have to do right by the rights and values and ideals upon which this country was founded and improved before it is too late. And the "before it is too late" is where you get into the Iraq War, as opposed to — and here is what really sat badly with me — pointing out the Iraqi government's unspent surplus.

MEGAN: I'll be frank, by the time he got around to discussing policy issues, I was sort of bemoaning being the only woman (besides my friend Emily) anywhere near my section because if there had been more women, there would've been Diet Coke and I was ready to usurp ownership.

MOE: Which seemed tacky. But then! I switched to Fox News and Frank Luntz was yammering on about how it reminded him of Ross Perot circa 1992. Which I think means it was a success.

MEGAN: But I do recall without the benefit of the text, that he pointed out that he wanted to get out of Iraq, and used the surplus issue to make the point that they don't even really need us that much.

MOE: Those Perot voters are exactly who Barack Obama needs to vote for him! Unless he'd like to run himself.

MEGAN: Oh, God, Frank Luntz is so annoying! I'm glad I missed most of the punditry this week. I don't know that we need Ross Perot when we have Bob Barr.

MOE: Right! They don't really need us that much…WELL OKAY AGAIN YOU ARE RIGHT WHEN YOU SAY BARACK OBAMA THAT WHAT THEY REALLY NEED IS A TIME MACHINE. But yeah, no, they have some urgent needs in Iraq, and to dismiss them so glibly annoyed me. But speaking of Fox News, you know, it's what I watch when I have to watch TV news which is why I don't watch a lot of TV news. Are the other channels running those "I'm John McCain and here's looking at you kid" commercials?

MEGAN: Well, it all had to be done by the end of prime time without going so long that people tuned out. Plus, I actually thought that there was maybe too much policy in the speech, though I realize he was trying to counter inter-Democratic charges (all flash and no substance, etc.) with it. But a policy speech is a different thing. So I didn't get particularly exercised about it, though I'm pretty sure I lost 90% of my capacity for excitement on my second day of the convention.

MOE: See but, the genius of Barack Obama is that he has made substance his style, and that he has proven himself capable, in a speech, of teaching America little lessons, reaching the corners of the minds of average swing state Americans that seems to almost scramble their ideological codes, restoring in them intellectual honesty for a few seconds. I truly felt that when he "threw his grandmother under the bus" in that race speech. That race speech bowled people over and, more importantly, reminded them there's a trajectory here, that we don't give up hope on America precisely because we've encountered these little obstacles before…and this speech did not have this. Most offensively — and I do not get offended — this speech had "save our farms." Save our farms? Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, but, loved Michelle's dress. What was that?

MEGAN: Well, you knew that was coming. He's from Illinois. I have no idea who made the dress, but Michelle has looked every single kind of awesome this week. So have Malia and Sasha, actually.

MOE: Now on Fox they're saying it's Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate. (Maybe)
Oh man Malia, Malia…she's just so very elegant! It is almost intimidating.

MEGAN: I mean, she's looked both pretty, elegant and age-appropriate, which I personally loved.
As for Palin, I don't know why she'd give up the governorship of the state of Alaska to be a running mate for John McCain. She'd be an inspired choice if he could get her, but I don't know why she'd do it, really.

MOE: Here's the other thing: I found the little documentary about Obama they showed in the lead up to the speeches — this was on PBS — I found it very inspiring because Obama talked about how his mother had impressed upon him the importance of putting himself in others people's shoes. And I think that's not an easy thing for a politician to pull off without making the other side cynical, what with so many of them being such profound narcissists, because all the conventional wisdom says "No, you don't understand, you have to put yourself in the shoes of a cliche." Put yourself in the caricature of his shoes!
Oh that is reminding me how Mitt Romney skipped the Timberland factory or something. That was Mitt Romney, right?

MEGAN: Nope, he went, he just didn't take their shoes.
Actually, I hated all of those videos this week, I found them super-annoying and disruptive to the energetic vibe I thought they were trying to create. I got on board with Michelle's, but then they just kept on coming. Sort of like the free bars but not the free food, which I'm sure has a lot to do with my current utter exhaustion.

MOE: I suppose that is enough until next time! Hey commenters, if anyone understands anything about the water supply, feel free to email me bc I need some help on a post. KTKSBAI
Oh fuck! Hold on. You can't leave without the funny David Brooks line.

MEGAN: Sure, what is it?

MOE:

For this election isn’t about the past or the present, or even the pluperfect conditional. It’s about the future, and Barack Obama loves the future because that’s where all his accomplishments are.

That is why it needed to be a better speech I think. But I'll hold out hope.

• David Duchovny, 48, has entered rehab for sex addiction. Here's his statement: "I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." Duchovy has been married to Tea Leoni since 1997 and they have 2 kids: daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6. (Um, remember this?) [People]
• Oh, god. There's info floating around that Tea Leoni is secretly dating Billy Bob Thornton. And this old blind item ("What actor, Mr. X, is having an affair? The file on him is that he's screwing his (female) tennis instructor. Yup. His actress wife is going to become a Lion when she finds out!") seems to clearly be about Duchovny and Leon. WTF. [ONTD, Radar, Perez Hilton]
• BREAKING NEWS: Heidi Montag is McCain's Vice President. She says. [Extra]
• Barack Obama's Denver set was constructed by the designers who did Britney Spears' sets. It's Barry, bitch! [Extra]

• Richard Lohan, Lindsay's paternal grandfather, died yesterday after a battle with colon cancer. Michael Lohan says: "My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors!" [E!]
• Oh, and Michael Lohan is going to do a one-hour TV special that has 101 text messages from Lindsay and 60 tape recordings of Dina. [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan has been "begging" Michael Phelps for a date. A source says: "Lindsay has been trying to meet up with him. They're both going to the MTV Video Music Awards next month." [Mirror]
• But wait! Michael Phelps is texting Carrie Underwood! They are "planning a quiet first date" near Carrie's home in Nashville. [ONTD]
• More from Michael Lohan: "Dina took a percentage of Lindsay's money when I NEVER took a red cent! All the while, I only speak out when something is wrong or needs to be made right! Dina is a money-loving, fame-seeking, self-serving deceiver, who comes from roots of the same. Meanwhile they say I seek fame! Ha! I am out there doing charity work, going on mission trips, working with the United Nations and trying to help my daughter while spending sleepless nights with a father dying of cancer…" [Perez Hilton]
• And! Still more from Michael Lohan: "Who's out of control? Whose life is out of control? Give me a break. Going from place to place, being dragged around by Samantha so she can make more money off of Lindsay being there when she spins...She's gone from making $7 million to less than a million a movie. Who's out of control?" [E!]
• Meanwhile: Lindsay's uncle, Paul Sullivan (Dina's bro), was arrested for allegedly stealing 9/11 relief funds. [Extra]
• Christopher Ciccone says Demi Moore once squirted breast milk at him at a party. Viva la leche! [Jossip]
• Jennifer Aniston: Guest starring on 30 Rock! [Star]
• Halle Berry is wearing a ring on THAT finger. [E!]
• Joe Biden has hair plugs. Oh, wow, they have old pix of him when he was bald! [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Mackenzie Phillips spent the night in jail after her drug bust, but got out yesterday after posting $10,000 bail. First she was visited by half-sister Bijou Phillips and Bijou's boyfriend, Danny Masterson. Apparently when Mackenzie was busted at the airport, a bag of cocaine fell from her pants, she admitted to using heroin that morning and she was found to have "extensive" marks on her arms. A police officer asked if she was diabetic. She said: "No, I am healthy except for my drug problem." [E!]
• Is the new American Idol judge there to cover for Paula Abdul, who was "absent" a lot last season? [MSNBC]
• Charlize Theron went from the DNC to the Venice Film Festival to the Guggenheim Museum for a documentary about Valentino. Multifaceted! [E!]
• Remember how Solange Knowles told off a newscaster and then the video was circulated? She responds! She says she is "disappointed in the level of journalism right now." [TMZ]
• Decathlete Bryan Clay doesn't think Michael Phelps is the best athlete. "When you’re talking about the best athlete in the world, I think it needs to be somebody that’s well rounded, that can do everything well," Bryan tells OK! magazine. "I think that’s me at this point." Clay only has one gold medal, but he's on the Wheaties box. [MSNBC]
• At a screening of Guy Ritchie's new flick, RocknRolla, a scene about Russian immigrants prompted some drunk dude to start shouting, "Yeah all you immigrants get back home, go on, fuck off." He was kicked out, obvs. [Mirror]
• Homer Simpson will get a colonoscopy during the "Stand Up For Cancer" fund-raiser on Sept. 5. Animated polyps? [Page Six]
• DMX is sorta kinda cleaning up his troubled legal life: He needs to pay a court fine in Miami and deal with that skipped court date in Arizona. [E!]
• Danity Kane drama involving Diddy. [Rush & Molloy]
• O.J. Simpson was beat up by his own daughter??? [Extra]
• Vin Diesel's new movie, Babylon A.D., sucks. The director (Amelie hottie) Mathieu Kassovitz calls it a "a bad episode of 24." Diesel was late all the time, Kassovitz allegedly had a nervous breakdown, etc. Box office poison, which opens today, not that you're gonna see it! [Page Six]
• "I'm not supporting Nader for president… I will reluctantly vote for Obama." — Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• "Sometimes I think she has 'desperate character' written on her. The clothes we wear send a message. And I think that’s the message — I don’t think that’s her intention though." — Tim Gunn on Jennifer Aniston. [Just Jared]
• "For years, I tried to get producers to have Vinny sell his Hummer and buy a Prius. Then I realized this show is entertainment. I know that Entourage is often demeaning and crude, but there's also a lot of social commentary." — Adrian Grenier. [Page Six]
• "A friend of mine (a petite blond woman who works for a progressive organization) was wrestled to the ground by six cops/security-people because she had left her credentials in her hotel room. Maybe the cops in Denver should lay off the caffeine/meth/diet-pills/sugar-cereals while they're working the convention?" — Moby, on security at the DNC. [Rush & Molloy, via Blender.com]
• "As much as she does and says outrageous things and isn't the nicest person in town, I think that Blair is what a lot of people wish they could be. She's got really good fashion and she lives in a gorgeous apartment and she's got tons of money and she's very well taken care of, well coiffed, has beautiful boys surrounding her, all this stuff. I think that a lot of women also relate to her because she is imperfect and she has her insecurities. And also, she's quite sexual." —Leighton Meester, on her Gossip Girl character, Blair Waldorf. [Salon]
• "I made the decision to take acting seriously after high school. When I was in my Freshman year at college I took some acting classes and found that I fell in love with it again. I was never challenged when it came to acting as a youngster. I sort of just did whatever was given to me without asking questions. I didn’t really understand why I enjoyed it or why I did it." — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Mirror]
• "I don’t have assistants, bodyguards or even a driver because I try to pretend in my own head that this isn’t happening. I think a lot of actresses live in this cotton-wool world but I’m very free-spirited and I want to be able to live the life I do. I don’t court attention. I don’t go to other people’s premieres. I haven’t been out to a club in London for years." —Sienna Miller. [Daily Express]
• "I'm hoping that it’ll firm it up and shape it up. Everyone is asking if I’m worried it’s going to go away. No, it’s going to tone it up. I can use that" — Kim Kardashian, on what Dancing With The Stars will do to her ass. [People]
• "Today I read on a blog that I went to the doctor and he said I was overweight and I cried and went to Planet Blue (because I was blue) and bought 6 pair of size 0 jeans. Now it is ridiculous to read such nonsense about oneself so I thought I was would address this one...
  1. My doctor says I am right on target with my weight gain
  2. Have not been to Planet Blue in at least two years
  3. Love my maternity jeans ..they have stretchy tops it is awesome!
  4. My closet full of size 0 are being worn by Pete right now and he looks hot in them :)
  So now that I have cleared that up let me tell you...carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life. My weight and my pant size are the absolute last thing I am concerned about. I am only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. People who talk and judge pregnant women's weight need to get a life!!!
  Peace and Love,
  Ashlee"
  [ONTD]

JASON: Okay.

MEGAN: I think this might literally be the crappiest hour I have experienced in quite a long time.

JASON: I was going to say, this is the crappiest hour in Denver I've not spent waiting for a cab. I really need the HuffPo Oasis to open their Nap Room today.

MEGAN: Yes! I cannot tell whether the cabbies are all just kind of ruder assholes than in any other city in the United States or whether it's just me. But, for real, the dispatcher last night was like, fuck you, we might come, I won't tell you when so just stand on the corner and if a cab stops for you, it's because you called. And I'm all about the naptime.

JASON: I've had really great cabdrivers, but the dispatchers have been trying.

MEGAN: One guy literally cheated me, tried to drop me at the wrong place, argued it was my fault and refused to take a credit card.

JASON: Well, that's the worst.

MEGAN: Anyways, so, last night. Bill Clinton. Joe Biden. I haven't heard anyone call it Joe-mentum yet but someone has to, right?

JASON: I am within sight of the wall now. The only question is, when do I hit it. Do I have another long, hard, walk to the convention in me? Harriet Tubman might even tell me, "Fuck keep going. Curl up in a ball and surrender."

MEGAN: The wall reached out and smacked me upside the head, frankly.

JASON: I think Billmentum still outpaces Joementum, even when the Joe is a firebrand populist with the tendency to go off script, and not a malcontented heel with a withered finger of rebuke to wag.

MEGAN: Actually, on some level, I thought it was completely awesome that Bill's speech wasn't as good as Hillary's. As for Biden, he needs to find whomever wrote Hillary's speech and hire that person and never ever let him/her go. Because last night's was just a leetle repetitive for me. But it was awesome how the backstage staff wouldn't let him go offstage and he was the only person there that didn't know that Obama was in town.

JASON: And I have got to admit, I got unexpectedly misty at the afternoon's goings-on - that procedural maneuver during the Roll Call vote.

MEGAN: I missed the afternoon's machinations, I was in a "cone of silence" trying to get stuff written. Plus, procedural machinations don't tend to get me teary-eyed unless we're talking unanaesthetized medical procedures.

JASON: Well, it was pretty great theater.

MEGAN: It's been a long time since I was in high school drama club, but I vaguely remember that timing was key. Anyway, so, Obama showing up last night, kind of cool, right?

JASON: It's up for debate, actually. That's actually something my colleague Seth Colter Walls dug into last night.

"With President Bill Clinton a reported no-show for Barack Obama's acceptance speech tomorrow, this was the nominee's one shot to congratulate him in person on his address. Smart move. (As was his reference to the 1992 slogan "putting people first," a nice nod to the legacy Clinton is reported to be concerned about.)

The counter-argument, of course, is that Obama has been a touch too over-exposed of late, and that his surprise appearance might have upstaged Sen. Joe Biden's prime-time debut as vice presidential nominee."

MEGAN: I mean, it might be the fact that Hillary was so good, or I am so fucking tired, but I didn't think that Biden killed it last night, but Obama showing up to be like, you kicked ass, man, put it over the top in terms of excitement level, I think.

JASON: Now, I tend to think that it was a good idea to appear. From an optical standpoint it made sense. Tonight he's going to be at Invesco Field. It's not going to look like what we've come to know as the Democratic National Convention. It's smart that Obama places himself in the setting where he, you know, WON the nomination and got all that key Clinton family testifying.

MEGAN: See, that's a good point. I would make points like that if I didn't just want to die from exhaustion.

JASON: Plus, he looked a great deal looser then he has in a while. He was having fun. He got to do his famous enter-stop-look at the crowd-feign a WTF-wave-hop on the heel-stride in-own the space move he does so well.

MEGAN: Damn, the things I miss when I'm typing.

JASON: I hope these points are actually my own. Ana Marie and I debriefed at length at the Brown Palace bar, and between the beer and the bourbon its hard to know where she starts and where I end. Except I'm the less aesthetically appealing parts. Plus, I think Hillary picked up the tab, so, I hope people are still all about retiring her debt.

MEGAN: I'm sure if they knew their money was going for such a great cause, they'd be all about it.

JASON: Naturally, more money for Ana and I is less for Mark Penn. And that would have been a change we could believe in. I WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW TOO. I cannot possibly walk to that shitshow tonight. Really I can't.

MEGAN: I'm not sure I can walk out of my own bed. Real talk.

9:25 ET: Um, shortest speech by Bill Clinton ever? Yes, we can.

9:24 ET: Malia and Sasha are pretty fucking cute. But Bill Clinton maaaaaaybe ought not to talk about other men's hot wives. Just sayin'

9:23 ET: Bill Clinton was on the right side of history in 1992 he says.

9:21 ET: Fuck four more years. Let's not be polite.

9:19 ET: Extremist philosophy of the Republicans? Oh, wait, it's economic and not "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran"?

9:17 ET: Autistic kids, and their parents having to get divorced to afford health care? Fuck yeah, that's the family values the Republicans want. Anyone remember John McCain's first wife? Yeah, he doesn't really either.

9:16 ET: First boo of the night for what the Republican party's initiatives. Ooh, Bill, talk to me about income inequality some more. I love alliteration.

9:15 ET: Man, I know this is Nat Sec night, but, seriously? Let's talk about health (care), baby, let's talk about you and me...

9:13 ET: Clinton Global Initiative anyone? Also, a renewal of a commitment to fighting AIDS at home? Yay. Use condoms.

9:12 ET: Yay for the Constitution? Hooray! Let's not talk about FISA. Yeah, I'm still going there.

9:11 ET: "The long... hard... primary." Snort.

9:10 ET: Foreign policy FTW. Except, you know, it's not 2004. Also, when did Bill Clinton start bringing the crowd down.

9:09 ET: "Rebuilding the American dream." That's a drinking line if I ever heard it 10 times.

9:07 ET: "Hillary did say last night that she was going to do everything she could to elect Barack Obama Obama. Actuall that makes two of say." [standing ovation] "Actually, that makes 18 million of us." Minus, you know, at least 3 P.U.M.A.s.

9:06 ET: Hillary's speech did kick ass last night.

9:05 ET: Second joke of the night. Also, his candidate didn't win but he's proud of here.

9:05 ET: Applause stops. "I am here, first, to support Barack Obama." Never mind, it started again.

9:04 ET: "Sit down!"

9:01 ET: Applause starts. They ain't shutting up for a while.

Earlier: Clintons 4 McCain Crazy Takes On Chris Matthews

MEGAN: Hey! I totally wish we'd been able to watch the speech together because I was not sitting with a fan but I wish I had been. But since you are, I'm going to make you talk about it all morning.

ASMA: Oh, okay. That's fine!

MEGAN: I thought it might be. So do you agree she killed it? Because, we might as well put it out there, you were not an Obamican but a, um, Clintocan, or a Republican who was supporting Clinton.

ASMA: Yes, I am an odd one! I am a registered Republican and often vote Republican (but not always). However, I was excited to vote for the first woman with a real shot at being president. Because I'm a woman before I'm a Republican. She and I are also both lawyers, both Wellesley graduates. I am all about the sisterhood! I am a big fan of Nancy Pelosi too.

MEGAN: Who isn't, other than John Boehner and George Bush, really?

ASMA: I have to admit that I do think her campaign was quite flawed. I wasn't thrilled with some of her backtracking on illegal immigrants' and driver's licenses. But, in the end, I knew I was going to vote for her. Ha ha, yes I guess we are all lawyers! But I have a special place in my heart for female and minority lawyers. I don't think McCain is a lawyer.

MEGAN: He's not. He barely made it through the Naval Academy.

ASMA: Right. So that works in Obama's favor. Like a lot of people, I have a party affiliation based on a core set of values but jump ship all the time. So, to get to Hillary's speech, I thought she was great. I thought she did kill it. I was on the floor watching, and I could feel the crowd's emotion. At first, it was excitement to see her and a feeling of, if we hoot and holler enough, she'll praise Obama. Then, there was a little tension until she gave her initial pro-Obama statement.

MEGAN: I was totally waiting for that, too. But I knew it had to be coming. I was just curious to see how forceful it would be.

ASMA: Then, she laid out some policy goals. When she started attacking McCain, she was starting to get into that classic Hillary mode that we all are fond of. When she was done saying the anti-McCain stuff, and then also said, Democrats have done this before (under her husband) and that we have to "keep on going," the crowd went wild! I definitely also felt a feeling among the crowd, just a little twinge of regret, that they thought, maybe this should have been our candidate.

MEGAN: I think that if she'd been giving those kinds of speeches last December and January and February, she might've been.

ASMA: She rounded things up with some pro-Obama stuff, which was good for the crowd. But, to be honest, and knowing her and knowing what Wellesley woman are like, I could tell she was holding back just a teensy bit.

MEGAN: She was holding back? On supporting Obama? I thought she was all out there.

ASMA: Yes, possibly. Her campaign kind of stifled her natural self, which is what people like! I think she got so worried about Obama, that she forgot that she's so good on her own. And her advisors stunk. I thought she was done after Super Tuesday. I was a little annoyed at that time that she was still in. As she stayed in, my admiration for her grew.

MEGAN: Dude, I am dying to know who her new speech writer is. But, yeah, her advisors sucked.

ASMA: She did and said enough to be sufficiently all over Barack Obama. But if she really wanted him to be president, certain parts of that speech would have been even more enthusiastic.

MEGAN: Although, I have to say, that's as enthusiastic speech as I've ever seen her give.

ASMA: I think she is her own new speechwriter! She does her best material for herself. I have seen her speak with no notes, and she is brilliant. You have to give her that of all those "white men" that came on before her, she was just a much, much better speaker than any of those guys. It was like a night and day difference. It was like watching a horse race with a couple of young ponies first and then seeing Secretariat stride out proudly. She's a pro, more than any of those guys, who were barely able to keep up with their teleprompters. Hillary is very, very smart. She gave an enthusiastic speech, such that no one could fault her. But imagine if she was the nominee, or Chelsea, let's say, how much MORE enthusiastic that speech would have been. She did what she needed to do and more, BUT I saw a couple moments, where I just felt, that she was holding back. She wasn't going all out. But she did good. I wouldn't do any different in her position.

MEGAN: : I don't even like her that much and I loved the speech, for real.

ASMA: Don't get me wrong. Her brain is in it. Heart has been told by brain to do a good job. But her heart is not going to risk the stress of true, crazy excitement for Obama. But, even Hillary's brain and heart at only Defcon 2 is better than any other candidate's Defcon 5. I'm so glad you liked it! Maybe now that some of the pressure is off, she is able to be more natural. She is really the only speaker that attacked McCain in a persuasive way. She made criticisms and provided counter-examples. She was a real boost to the Democratic Party principles. I used to be registered a Democrat, and, if someone like Hillary was on 24/7 promoting the true, liberal values of the party, I would imagine I would still be. Democrats forget that they not only need a winning candidate but one who will rebuild party members' confidence

MEGAN: Democrats forget a lot of things, I think.

ASMA: Do you think maybe you loved the speech because now you know she is out of play? So maybe you were able to sit back and enjoy it.

MEGAN: I mean, I wasn't all Probama in the primaries by any means. It was just rare that I saw her give a speech like that.

ASMA: They've got Rudy Giuliani on Morning Joe reviewing Hillary's speech. It was supposed to be the two of them right now. I was sure of it. And there was no way I was ever going to vote for Rudy.

MEGAN: I mean (and I'm going to embed the video, that's how much I loved it), I literally got chills during the Harriet Tubman part:

Also, Rudy Giuliani sucks. I saw him on the street last night! If you thought McCain was short...

ASMA: I think my favorite part was when she touched on the theme of "Keep going." As a woman, I identify with that quality of being persistent. The crowd did go wild for that. She can be very, very inspiring when she wants to be. The Tubman part was great. See, Obama's not the only one who can give great speeches?

MEGAN: That was amazing, for real, I was like, damn, that's good. I've never gotten chills from an Obama speech.

ASMA: I think Obama is a great speaker, very gifted in that department. But, I don't get that "magic" feeling that other people do. His prepared speeches are really good, but then you think, well, that was prepared. Ex Tempore, I'm not really a big fan. They're okay. He spends too much time talking about what the criticisms of him are. He should focus on his thing and not always be anticipating criticism. I'm looking to get wowed by Obama on Thursday night. All my friends who are fans of his say that I have to just go see him speak once, and I'll be a convert. Too bad for Obama that he can't speak personally to everyone in America and convert them one by one.

MEGAN: Well, if he does enough speeches for 75,000 people at a go, he might come close.

• "She's certainly telling friends she's planning to write a book," says a source close to Sam Ronson. "It's supposed to be about her, allegedly. But come on, you know Lindsay will be all over that book. She's the only one people want to read about." But! Michael Lohan says: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." Oh dear! (And for the record, the Ronsons were on the New York scene before Lindsay ever shot Parent Trap. So.) [Yahoo News, The Sun]
• Michael Lohan thinks LL is drinking again. "Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse." [MSNBC]
• Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton: Splitsville! The couple has been engaged since 2006 and started dating in 1992. They broke up after five years but got back together in 2005. Tell me how am I supposed to live without you? [Yahoo News, People]
• Related: Headline of the day: "Desperately Airbrushed Housewives: Latest Publicity Pictures Contrast With Recent Real Life Shots Of Stars" [Daily Mail]
• Matthew McConaughey's mom reveals her husband, Matt's dad, died while she was having sex with him: "On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. One day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn't hear anything from him. Just nothing. But it was just the best way to go!" [Page Six]

• Ow, ow, Keith Urban has a slipped disc. Now who's gonna help Nicole with the baby? [People]
• Speaking of injuries, Kelly Osbourne's black eye was the result of a kitchen cabinet that fell on her face. Stupid Swedish box store. (Kidding!) [The Sun]
• Tom Brady spent $11 million on a plot of dirt in Brentwood, CA so he can build Gisele Bundchen a house. [TMZ]
• The ratings for the fourth-season premiere of The Hills were down. But! Lauren Conrad still gets $75,000 an episode! [Yahoo News]
• Madonna had a "meltdown" over technical problems that forced the screens to go out during several songs during her concert in Nice, France. I've got the moves baby, you got the motion. If we got together, we'd be causing a commotion. [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, some love letters from the '90s Madonna sent to then-boyfriend James Albright might get released. Some are signed "Spanky" because she liked getting smacked on the ass during sex. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's in St. Tropez with husband Arun Nayar and best friend/ex boyfriend Hugh Grant. Amazing that Hugh and Liz dated for 13 years and stayed friends after breaking up in 2000. [Daily Mail]
• Please click and tell me wtf is up with Hayden Panettiere's birthday suit. [The.Life Files]
• DMX cursed at his judge while in court, which the judge didn't really like. And yeah, there is video. [The.Life Files]
• Jennifer Aniston won't be having plastic surgery, except for that deviated septum operation she had so she could breathe better. But everything else is yoga, cosmic energies and karma. [ONTD]
• Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth went to a 90210 party and mingled on opposite sides of the room, which is supposed to mean there's tension and underlying drama happening. [E!]
• A South African lady who claimed to be raising funds for an R. Kelly concert in 2005 swindled $130,000 from investors. But! She deposited the money into a bank account, and the account belongs to R. Kelly. Kelly's camp says there is no truth to these reports. [E!]
• Rosario Dawson, Jessica Alba , Eva Longoria, Fat Joe, Wilmer Valderrama and Sofia Vergara will party at Voto Latino's DNC event in Denver tonight. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is looking for a condo in L.A. for she and Chris Brown to move into, but it needs to be soundproof because they like to play their music loud. [Star]
• Pete Doherty's new autobiographical film is playing in an Austrian porn theater? [The Sun]
• This story is sooooo ridiculous. It claims that since there were rumors that Paris and Benji broke up, she decked him out "in a T-shirt with 'Obey' emblazoned on the front and parade[d] him around in front of the paparazzi, of course!" [Mirror]
• Extras from that sure to be sucktastic Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie are claiming £6million in damages after suffering broken bones, cuts and bruises while filming. The studio had better pay up! [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has still not been granted a visa to enter Australia for a tour. Waiting. [News.com.au]
• Kelsey Grammer is back playing Dr, Frasier Crane… In a Dr. Pepper commercial. Maybe you drink it with tossed salads and scrambled eggs? [Perez Hilton]
• Haley Joel Osment will make his Broadway debut in David Mamet's American Buffalo. I see theater people! [USA Today]
• Barbra Streisand's goddaughter threatened to kill a woman? [TMZ]
• Vanessa Minnillo says that Nick Lachey was the one who said "I love you" first in their relationship, not that you care. [People]
• There's an opera based on the movie The Fly opening in L.A. "I didn't want to remake the movie. I didn't want to rewrite the screenplay again," David Cronenberg says. "This production has a power and charisma all its own." [Reuters]
• Ben Stiller is being honored by the Museum of the Moving Image. [Reuters]
• Kenny Rogers' new CD: Available at Cracker Barrel. [Perez Hilton]
• "The doctor said the tumour was so small, he wouldn't have even noticed it except for the fact that it wasn't there on previous X-rays. I've learned that if you catch breast cancer early, the chances are overwhelmingly good that you'll be cured. So my attitude, which very much mirrored my mother's, was this wasn't a big deal." — Cynthia Nixon, speaking about the moment she learned she had breast cancer. [Daily Mail]
• "It was a pile of shit, wasn't it? I wanted to get a job in the can before my daughter was born. It was actually very pleasant for me. I didn't have much to do with Sharon Stone. And thank God because I heard she was a fucking nightmare." — David Thewlis, on making Basic Instinct 2. [ONTD]
• "My job is to not pay attention to what Tom Cruise did with the role in a similar way that Adam's is not to pay attention to what Dustin did. Is it going to be better? I'm not even thinking about that. The film came out in '88, right? I was 10. I've seen it twice in the last 20 years." — Josh Hartnett, on his stage production of Rain Man. [Telegraph]
• "I stay at 165 pounds and cook everything out of Cooking Light magazine. I only eat irresponsibly on Saturdays, which means bacon and candy. I am against [nips and tucks]. If you have bad plastic surgery, it looks like you were brought up poor, moved to LA and didn't make it. If it's good, you just look like somebody else." — John Waters. [Page Six]

Former Virginia Governor (and current Senate candidate) Mark Warner was Hillary Clinton's lead-in tonight — how cool is it that a man was basically her warm-up act, by the way? Anyway, he's finished speaking, and we're waiting for Chelsea to start her introduction of her mother — this will be the largest crowd she's ever addressed, actually, and I'm pretty sure she'll kick Claire McCaskill's son's ass — and for the the evening's big event, which is really Clinton's speech (sorry Marky Mark, I'm sure you'll win in Virginia anyway). Will she rip McCain a new one? Convince the final P.U.M.A. holdouts to support Barack Obama? It all starts after the jump.

11:09 (ET): Oh, well, it helps when you keep 'em standing for a prayer. I'm out, people, I'll see you for Crappy Hour in the morning!

11:06 (ET): "Let's elect Barack Obama and Joe Biden for the future that our country deserves." Right on. That there is bringing the house down. Man, people ain't sitting down for a good long while.

11:05 (ET): "If you want a taste of freedom, keep going." Not gonna lie, I got chills there.

11:04 (ET): Just getting to the anniversary of the 19th Amendment.

11:02 (ET): Blasts John McCain on equal-pay-for-equal work and the crowd booed the loudest yet! And another good joke! "It makes sense that John McCain will be with President Bush in the Twin Cities because they're awfully hard to tell apart." Damn, seriously, her jokes were way flat in the primaries. I need to meet her new writer, for real.

11:01 (ET): "We don't need four more years of the last eight years." Ooh, hear the crowd boo John McCain!

11:00 (ET): Shout out to Michelle Obama! Man, I want them to hang out and be kickass together right now.

10:59 (ET): "I cannot wait to see Barack Obama sign into law a health care plan that covers every single American."

10:58 (ET): She sounds utterly convincing when she's like, Barack Obama kicks ass. This is a rabble-rousing kind of speech. Man, if she could've brought this in

10:56 ET: She calls out the P.U.M.A.s for being narcissistic assholes. "Were you just in it for me?" So glad she went there.

10:55 (ET): Another shout-out of the GI Bill McCain didn't support. Man, they are gonna fuck him up on that issue. Wish they'd started while it was going on.

10:53 (ET): She mentions all the shit Bush has fucked up. This might take a while.

10:51 (ET): Shout-out to Bill Gwatney and Stephanie Tubbs Jones. Right on. But where's the standing o?

10:50 (ET): "To my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits." Man, why didn't she have these speech writers in the primaries?

10:50 (ET): I hate these "real people" stories.

10:48 (ET): "You made me laugh and, yes, you made me cry." She even said it with a smile. Way to fucking own it.

10:47 (ET): "No way. No how. No McCain."

10:46 (ET): Listing her accomplishments. She didn't work all these years for all that shit to watch another Republican fuck it up.

10:45 (ET): "A single purpose." Yeah, suck it Pat Buchanan and your psychoanalysis of what's in her heart.

10:44 (ET): Applause finally dies down. Holla New York! Standing ovation for her being a proud supporter of Barack Obama.

10:41 (ET): Um, disappointing introduction. What a let down. I can't say that I love the orange pantsuit, but, the way it drapes, it looks like raw silk and I love raw silk. Actually, it doesn't look terrible with her coloring, but could we have gone with peach? Or terra cotta? Actually, from behind, it looks like less of a saturated orange. The applause is so loud, this is why I'm contemplating.

10:39 (ET): "18 million cracks." Drink!

10:38 (ET): Actually, I really like Chelsea's narration. A little practice with inflection and she could be really great.

10:37 (ET): "American Girl"? Anyone ever listened to those lyrics? It's about someone who sleeps around and hates herself a lot.

10:35 (ET): Video starts! The Van Halen version of "You Got Me" as a soundtrack? Fail. And Lenny Kravitz "Are You Gonna Go My Way"? Wow, bad choices.

McCain's been using Hillary Clinton's words — and some of her former supporters — to push his own candidacy, even as some of them march in protest in Denver but aren't planning on leaving their party utterly behind.

On the other hand, Clinton's speech tonight is expected to focus less on the history that she made and more on the reasons that McCain needs not to win in November. The catharsis her supporters have been looking for will likely come tomorrow during the roll call vote, rather than during tonight's speech. But, either way, there will always be some people willing to make fools of themselves for the camera — in this case, in support of a candidacy that is long-dead and a candidate-that-was who would probably prefer they follow her now in support of the party to which she's dedicated a good portion of her adult life.

Feeding Gender Stereotypes [The New Republic]
How Healed is Hillary? [Time]
Clinton to Take Stage in Praise of Obama's Candidacy [Washington Post]

Earlier:

A couple of weeks ago, I set up an interview with Fox News' Megyn Kelly for Glamocracy (appearing soon, by the way, and she is super-nice) and mentioned to her fabulous publicist that I always really liked Bill Hemmer, with whom Megyn co-anchors a show. And, by "liked" I mean, "thought was completely cute." And there's nothing I like better to do than embarrass myself in front of a really hot guy, so I asked if it was possible that I could take a picture of Bill Hemmer just to gush, and his publicist did me one better and let me interview him... and then he insisted that I get in the picture with him. And he put his arm around me! Gushing aside, he was also super-nice and smart.

I asked him whether he gets more fan mail now or when he was at CNN — when he co-anchored a morning show with Soledad O'Brien and Jack Cafferty that first got me thinking he was cute. He told me that Fox News fans are more loyal than those of any other network, newspaper or publication, and that he feels that he gets a lot more fan mail now. He's actually been really impressed with how many fans of Fox News have come up to him and Megyn Kelly on the floor of the convention and said that they are fans (despite the netroots Fox News hatred). In fact, he cited off the top of his head a recent Pew study that shows Fox's viewership is pretty evenly split between Republicans, Democrats and independents.

We also talked a bit about the vibe at the conventions. When Hemmer interviewed Jon Stewart in 2004, Stewart told him that he sees the conventions as big Amway meetings — you bring your big sellers together and get them all geared up to go out and sell. But, this time he sees it a bit differently: what the crowds want to hear, he says, is simply how the hometown presidential candidate is good and his opponent is bad. (Of course, last night's message neglected the McCain-abuse, and tonight's not likely to be a particularly hit-filled evening either.)

Anyway, so Bill Hemmer is kind of a combination of endearingly doofy and really smart. I've heard people call him a himbo, and his role alongside Soledad and Jack was that of the endearing younger brother, which is what I liked about him (and them). But between fist bumping me (which he's always called "potatoes," by the way) and quoting statistics off the top of his head about both Fox News' viewership and recent polls, he convinced me that he's far from the airhead he's sometimes portrayed as being.

Key News Audiences Now Blend Online and Traditional Sources [Pew Research Center]

I finished with the Michelle speech, unplugged my computer and tried to meet up with friends. That was a poor decision to say the least, as it involved standing around the Pepsi Center, text messaging until we all realized it would be impossible to find one another indoors. I then went and found a friend outside who had no invites but a desire to be my plus-one for the night to see what would happen. What happened is that we ended up leaving so late that we had to walk to the event locations, which meant we were late to meet my friends for pre-drinks, which meant we were super-late getting to the first party.

That first party was the Planned Parenthood Party, which apparently was supposedly the place to be, as it was incredibly over-subscribed. There was a huge and motionless VIP line and an even longer general admission line, and people were passing out condoms to keep the crowd happy. Six of the seven people I walked over with bailed, and my plus-one and I had a discussion that involved me saying, "I have invites to 3 other parties, let's just bail." That got the list-girl interested, so she made a call to see if she could let me in, and her boss came out and in we went. We made a beeline for the bar. It was "open," but they weren't serving top- (or even middle-) shelf liquor, so I got a glass of wine, which was, in retrospect, a very poor decision. We weren't allowed into the VIP section because it was too full, and, trying to make our way back to the back corner to talk, someone elbowed me, spilling my wine all down the front of me. On the way out, I used my Tide Stain Stick to get the wine out of my shirt.

We made our way to a state delegation party to meet a friend of mine who was supposed to introduce me to make-up artist Bobbi Brown, but my friend and Bobbi were both gone and the party had already died. We drank anyway, and made our way up to the next party which featured cigars and fancy drinks. We ran into another reporter who said that she'd been in the line for the Planned Parenthood bash when the fire marshal arrived. Again, for it being barely midnight, the place was dying and there wasn't even a Congressman to brag about seeing. We drank our drinks, my friend got into some deep conversation about politics and I bailed for the night. What is with everyone going home early? How do I have more luck celebrity-spotting at the Atlanta airport?

MEGAN: Hey, Spencer, long time, no see!

SPENCER: So when last we met, you were on your way to the Planned Parenthood party, where I suddenly opted not to pretend to be the guest-listed Adam Conner from Facebook. Speaking of Adam, I see he Twittered last night that he was at the Rock The Vote thing just in time to miss N.E.R.D. but catch Fall Out Boy. There is simply no way Planned Parenthood could have been worse than that.

MEGAN: Let us just say that when I did get in, the DJ decided to play Poison, which is great if it's late and everyone's drunk and happy, but it wasn't that late and I wasn't that drunk. I did get free condoms though. I snagged Jason Linkins' for you since he's married. The package says "Protect yourself from John McCain (in this election)." It's like he's a venereal disease!

SPENCER: When we at FDL thought we couldn't get in to the PPFA party, Jane Hamsher hatched a plan where she would promise to get me in by saying I knocked her up and was super-supportive during the abortion. Yes, during.

MEGAN: Dude, I don't think the girl with the list would've cared. She was harsh, for real. I saw her neg three guys from the Washington Post for being "only bloggers."

SPENCER: And yeah I have a bunch of those McCondoms. They handed them out to me at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre and I thought at first that they were either a) emblazoned with McCain on the shaft of your cock or b) for use on McCain.

MEGAN: I feel like novelty condoms with things written on them get as much use as light up vibrators.

SPENCER: Speaking of other things you wrote that I liked, good livebloggery last night. A lot less pissed off than mine. I thought Michelle was fantastic, but there's a really ugly undercurrent to her speech/bio/video.

MEGAN: My ass stayed cold for a good 30 minutes after I finally stood up, stupid concrete floor!

SPENCER:

Her brother Craig is introducing her. It’s a disgrace that this country has to be taught not to fear an accomplished African-American woman.

If i may quote myself...

MEGAN: Actually, that's totally true, so quote away. I mean, it was so cute last night with the kids that my uterus ached a little when Malia was all "I love you Daddy!" but then I ignored it. And drank.

SPENCER: That's the Planned Parenthood way!

MEGAN: I know! I was the perfect audience! But give me the scoop on Kennedy's speech, as I was stuck in the security line from hell.

SPENCER: I got really maudlin about it. He came out of the gate bounding to the podium, pumping his fist, conjuring up that old Kennedy-family vig-ahhh. Proceeded to speak for 7 minutes, frail but defiant, about redeeming the dream: health care, education, anti-poverty, liberal internationalism. The big closing flourish was "The Dream Lives On" in Barack Obama, a beautiful reference both to MLK and to Teddy's famous "The dream shall never die" speech from the 1980 convention. But WTF we can't be done talking about Michelle.

MEGAN: Sorry, I'm just still regretting missing it! It's not the same on TV. Okay, let me admit here that, from my vantage point, all I saw was the rear view of Michelle. And someone who I will allow to remain anonymous said, "Was her dress any less matronly from behind? Because how am I supposed to fantasize about her tonight?" And I was forced to admit that her ass looked amazing.

SPENCER: Please tell me that there were white girls next to you like, "Oh. My. God. Becky. Her butt is so. big." Speaking as a white person, do you fear Michelle Obama less now? Did the speech work on you?

MEGAN: God, I wish someone had thought of that. Unfortunately, I already loved Michelle Obama. I loved her when she was making fun of Obama for his morning breath and giving Ann Romney the infamous "Bitch, please" look at the wives' forum. So, I wanted her to be that Michelle. This one was fine, and I understand why she had to be this one, but I miss the other one.

SPENCER: Megan I am trying to have a serious discussion with you about race in America.

MEGAN: Oh, sorry. It's early.

SPENCER: Look, we still live in fucking Nixonland here. Operation Rescue's Randall Terry is handing out flyers in Denver talking about solutions to "the Negro Problem". There's a grace and a power to how conspicuously inclusive Michelle Obama's speech was, and how Barack Obama's candidacy is, but the frustration must be overwhelming. If it was me, I'd be in a clocktower opening fire, saving only the last bullet for myself. But that's my white privilege talking. She has to say that she loves America?

MEGAN: Honestly, by the end of it, I was like, Chicago! Hope! Change! Drink! But it was a little depressing that she had to be like, I have parents and I grew up like you, America, and married an awesome guy who loves me in order to help him get electred.

SPENCER: andBegorrah has it right: "Yes, but has she ever been a prisoner of war?? HAS SHE??!??!"

MEGAN: Well, luckily, neither has Cindy McCain!

SPENCER: That should be the theme of each day of the convention: Chicago (Michelle). Hope (Mark Warner). Change (Biden). Drink (Barack, with a Springsteen chaser).

• Michael Phelps isn't really looking for a girlfriend. "I am 23 now and if I went out with a girl she wouldn’t see much of me until I get past 30," he explains. That's just silly! Ladies see plenty of you. When you're wearing a swimsuit. [Daily Express]
• David and Victoria Beckham's "car crash" was actually just a car that got all scratched and jacked up when it was left parked at the airport. Posh's rep says: "There was no car crash." [Perez Hilton]
• Barack Obama has asked Jennifer Hudson to sing the national anthem on Thursday at the Democratic National Convention before his address. She is "thrilled" and "excited." [People]
• Was "vote or die" Diddy asked not to come to the DNC? [MSNBC]
• Oh, dear: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long seen kissing Kirsten Dunst. [Rush & Molloy]
• More barftastic car crash terrible can't-look-away Heidi Montag video pix. Sorry. [ONTD]

• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of NYC got drunk at a wedding, knocked over a drumset, tried to make out with married men and grabbed crotches… or did she? Truth or smear campaign? [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio is shopping pix of her newborn, Anja Louise, born Sunday in Brazil. Proceeds go to the Multiple Sclerosis Children's Fund. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Janeane Garofalo played Lauren Conrad in a staged reading of The Hills? Genius. [L.A. Times]
• Britney Spears' SUV took a wrong turn and ended up in L.A.'s Sunset Junction street fair, aka Hipster Central. She got out of there real quick. [E!]
• Courteney Cox was involved in a car crash while on vacation in Hawaii. She was driving a white BMW which collided with a red truck on Saturday. No one was injured. [Daily Mail]
• How does Paula Abdul feel about the new American Idol judge? "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance," she says. "Time will tell. We’ll see. [It's] going to be weird if it’s a split decision. I’m sure Simon will get to make the final [judgment]. [But that] takes the fun out of all the hard work I do to push those kids through." [MSNBC]
• Um, Rhys Ifans is in a band? Called The Peth? And their first single is called "Let's Go Fucking Mental"? And the video is of Rhys' colonoscopy? You can see it here. [Perez Hilton]
• Whee! Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci to be on Dancing With The Stars! (Also: Kim Kardashian, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Misty May-Treanor and track star Maurice Green.) [Reuters]
• Madonna had to stop going to her gym because of "noise, leering, crude comments and wolf whistles of builders working nearby." Effing hell. [Mirror]
• Pam Anderson revelations: When asked "boobs or legs?" she says she is "more of a leg person" (?!?!?!) and when questioned about bikini waxing says, "I have not waxed anything in my entire life. An eyebrow, not an anything. I have never ever done that. It sounds too painful." [News.com.au]
• Spike Lee is upset with the people who think Barack Obama is not black enough. "I go by the 'one-drop rule.' One drop [of black blood], and you're black. The truth is, every African-American is biracial. Go back far enough, and you'll find the massah was in the slave quarters. You can't be black and go to Harvard Law School? You can't be black and be articulate?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Heath Ledger's uncle has failed to have his charges of receiving stolen goods dealt with and faces up to 14 years in jail. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• In a quest for relevance, Jessica Simpson has joined the Country Music Association. She gets special-rate health insurance and can vote in upcoming CMA Award nominations. Anyway, her album, Do You Know, comes out September 9 and Dolly Parton duets on the title track; after that you can go back to not caring about Jess. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson is being sued by some scientists who claim she took their hair-care secret ingredient and gave it to a competitor. Something about volcanic ashes and flyaways. [The Root]
• Shannen Doherty is having fun shooting the new 90210: "It's been a really nice experience…We already have our little inside jokes." And! Lori Loughlin and Rob Estes play parents who are not like your usual sitcom couple. Estes says: "It's not a mom and dad who are home eating bon bons. It's a couple who's fucking! We'll clear the kitchen so fast, you don't know what to do with yourself." [Perez Hilton]
• OMG remember the 90210 action figures dolls? [Black Book]
• Yesterday reports claimed that Snoop Dogg was getting a visa to tour in Australia despite his criminal record; today officials are "rethinking" giving him permission to enter the country. He could be counseled before arrival and given strict behavior rules to abide by while down under. [Reuters]
• Harry Potter studio Warner Bros is suing Bollywood producers over a flick called Hari Puttar. [Telegraph]
• Actress Sophie Monk was seen walking out of a KFC in Hollywood with bags filled with food — she's bragged in the past about being a vegetarian and criticized KFC eaters, saying: "I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you." [News.com.au]
• Salman Rushdie's former bodyguard is apologizing over allegations he made regarding Rushdie's former marriage. [Independent]
• Trisha Yearwood survived a plane emergency: Her aircraft's window cracked at 30,000 feet. They never lost cabin pressure, fortunately. [People]
• "I think The Osbournes, to a degree, tarnished the public's perception of my dad as a bit of a senile, funny, bumbling guy. Yeah, my dad can be that guy, but it's not him. I think that almost discredited him as an artist. My dad's not an idiot — he's nothing short of a genius, in my opinion." — Jack Osbourne, who is producing a documentary on Ozzy. [Rolling Stone]
• RIP Aaliyah, who died this day in 2001. [The.Life Files]

Party animals — in this case, asses — should watch themselves this week, as we've got some spies watching them. Our main Mata Hari is the "Unconventional Conventionaire", a convention goer who cares less about The Party and more about the parties: she's got her eyes and ears at the ready, her ass on the dance floor and her laptop back at the hotel just waiting to sell out what all is being sold behind the scenes at the DNC. In this edition, she hits up the weekend's pre-convention parties with a couple of balls, a couple of drinks and one very big eye-roll at what little it takes to inspire fangirl giggling in Denver.

Greetings from Denver! It's the weekend before the Democratic Convention and I'm out here already because everyone knows that it's never too early to start the party. (Except when it's definitely too early to start the party. But I'll get to that part later.)

The first thing you should know about me is that I don't do politics as much as I do drinking. It's a sad but true fact and I'd feel worse about that if Megan didn't already have those bases so very clearly and capably covered and if it weren't so patently impossible that I would and/or could do something as much as I do drinking. (Though, to be fair, I do read a lot.) The second thing you should know is that while I'm out here in Denver for a variety of reasons, the most important is that I have made it my goal to hit as many parties in one week as humanly possible. (What can I say? I make up in RSVP's what I lack in credentials.) And, lastly, you should know that I am ready to spill.

And so: my Saturday night began at the Media Welcome Party held at Six Flags Elitch Gardens, ended at Salon's house party, and involved the home-state Senator Ken Salazar, a surprising amount of alcohol, some thinly veiled sexism, and a half-eaten testicle.

I arrived at the kick-off party late and at exactly the same time as Senator Salazar and his spectacular cowboy hat, which would prove fortuitous in that he (and his hat) ended up being the only bold-faced name Elitch Gardens had to offer. I made my way immediately to the Molson Coors beer tent where I helped myself to a wristband, a Coors Light, and a Rocky Mountain Oyster. Now, there's only one other thing you need to know about me which is that I'm originally from a coast, which means that when you say oyster, I say a dozen, and which also means that after exclaiming, "Yes, please!" to the server and daintily dipping my deep-fried aphrodisiac into the proffered sauce, I popped the whole goddamn thing in my mouth. Which, luckily, is precisely the moment a good Rocky Mountain Samaritan tapped me on the shoulder and stage whispered, "That's a testicle," which, in turn, was no more than 3 seconds before I swore loudly, spat the offending organ into my hand, chugged the rest of my beer and decided to get the hell out of there.

I caught a ride with some Washington Post people who's names I didn't catch and who were undeniably un-fun, but who, at the very least, were headed in the same direction, which is to say the Salon-hosted house party, which is where I filled a plate with blue cheese, artichokes, and slightly stale bread, poured myself a hefty glass of wine, and wandered outside. A quick survey saw Time's Joe Klein in conversation with CNN cutie Jeff Toobin, and, separately, Pennsylvania's Governor "Ed" Rendell, surrounded somewhat unsurprisingly by a bevy of beautiful bloggers, one Fox news producer, and Joan Walsh, Salon's Editor-in-Chief, all of whom were offhandedly described as "groupies" by the unrecognizable guy next to me to his equally unrecognizable friend next to him. I half-heartedly took offense and glared because, seriously, when was the last time a group of well-known media men surrounding a female politician were ever labeled "groupies"? But then I saw the way one blogger positively kvelled when the Gov'ner touched her inner elbow to emphasize a point, and I decided I was far too sober to be making any sort of judgments on anyone.

Which was exactly the problem. The altitude ("mile-high" sounds a lot more fun on an airplane) and the fear struck in all of our hearts by an adversely affected tolerance meant that everyone (including myself) was incredibly and disappointingly sober. So, after listening to Walter Shapiro - Salon's Washington Bureau chief and a veritable convention legend (he's been attending since the 60's) - recount a near miss on Wynkoop with a Hefner-emblazoned limo – Hef's daughter Chrystie, no doubt, I hear she's in town – I managed to catch a cab home and put myself to bed, because this time, this weekend, it definitely felt too early to start the party.

Got tips of your own? Send sightings to us!

KAY: Hi.

MEGAN: Good morning, sunshine!

KAY: Ugh. Last night I stumbled into an event where they kept giving us top-shelf liquor, not that I'm complaining.

MEGAN: I truly feel that the top shelf stuff makes the hangover far more bearable.

KAY: That's true, but there was a LOT of it. Especially since I've been on a beer and wine diet these days.

MEGAN: Just think how much worse your head would feel if you had been drinking rail liquor. Or, rather, don't right now, but consider it later... Anyway, how's Denver?

KAY: Right.
Oh you know. High altitude. I actually met some real-life PUMAs yesterday.

MEGAN: Really? I'm intrigued. What did they say? I saw them at the DNC protests in June and it was all I could do not to shake them and stuff.

KAY: I hate to use Mark Penn language, but they were totally national security moms. They thought Hillary Clinton's hawkishness was a good thing, while Obama would be "thinking about" what to do. Because apparently "thinking" is a bad thing.

MEGAN: Ugh, well, I guess we know who will be voting for McCain in the fall, then. No thinking, just bombing!

KAY: Right.

MEGAN: I'm sure in the midst of the whole thing, you missed the fact that Madonna kicked off her world tour this weekend. Or that she used the opportunity to compare John McCain to Hitler and Mugabe. Did I ever tell you how much I love Madonna?

KAY: I saw that this morning.

MEGAN: Video of the offensive video display is here. And what's even better is the shots of her are very Human Nature, which I love so much.

KAY: Weird, so Madonna isn't dormant anymore. She kinda dropped out of sight for a while.

MEGAN: Well, she and Guy Ritchie are supposedly on the outs! It's okay, you don't have to love Madonna as much as me. We can talk about how Chis Matthews says he didn't call Clinton a "she-devil" — he was saying Republicans did. That didn't work for E.D. Hill, buddy, but nice try.

KAY: I like Madonna I just always cringe when liberals use the Hitler references. It gives more moderate people an excuse to make fun. Bad as McCain is on issues, he doesn't appear to be plotting mass genocide. But I guess it's never too early to speculate...

MEGAN: Well, I mean, with McCain's video showing Germans chanting Obama's name over shots of Berlin, I think it's fair to say that McCain went there with the references first.

KAY: So true. The Hilter references are so tired, though. Anyway, I saw the thing about Matthews. I always love when people on television try to claim they didn't say something.

MEGAN: I prefer when the bluster and say they didn't say it, and then when they argue it was taken out of context. Like, just admit that you're an unthinking asshole, buy Hillary some apology flowers or something and commit to hosting a documentary on sexism in the media.

KAY: That seems like a reasonable response. I mean, when you've already had to make a public apology to someone, it seems that maybe it's time to just admit that you say stupid things.

MEGAN: I admit, I say stupid things! See, it's really not that hard!

KAY: Chris Matthews could learn so much from Megan Carpentier.

MEGAN: If nothing else, I'll bet I have better taste in cheap wine! Okay, one last think, can we discuss this new bullshit meme where Republicans like Bill Kristol and John McCain pretend they give a shit about the glass ceiling and sexism because they think we're dumb enough that if they pay lip service to it for 45 seconds we'll vote for them?

KAY: Ugh, this is ridiculous. I hate it when conservatives try to claim that they're more into affirmative action than liberals. Don't worry, though, they wouldn't want to promote policies that try to try to address gender equity or anything. I hear I just need more "training" and then discrimination will just disappear.

MEGAN: Oh, right! Silly me! If I were just smarter, and worked harder and were more aggressive, if I put off getting married and having children and just focused on my career, I'd totally be in the same position as a man my age would. If I weren't a blogger, that is. But, still. If all men were that much more aggressive than me, we wouldn't really have a civilization.

KAY: Right, but be careful with becoming a "career girl." You wouldn't want to become some kind of frigid bitch that never has children. That would be the worst thing in the world.

MEGAN: Right, if I never breed because I'm too aggressively pursuing my career and my "training" so that I can be equal with a man, no man will want to ever marry me or seed my uterus, and I will live a life of misery forever. Being a girl is so hard. Not as hard as getting up at 6:30 local time to do Crappy Hour with me after a night of drinking, though!

KAY: I get the feeling it's gonna be like this all week.