• Madeleine Pickens, wife of T. Boone, has announced she'll create a 1 million acre refuge for wild horses after the U.S. Bureau of Land Management said it will euthanize some of the animals in order to control the herds that roam over 10 Western states. • A retired librarian who died two years ago left more than $2 million to be split between the universities she attended: School of Information and Library Science at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and the Curry School of Education at the University of Virginia .• Three wrestlers claim that they were infected with herpes simplex 1 because York College coaches let team members wrestle with active lesions. • A recent survey in England found that 14 million people admit to reading on the toilet and up to 8 million say they like to talk on the phone or in person while on the loo. • The Australian Council of Trade Unions has warned Australia's Federal Government that paid maternity leave is "not negotiable" and should be delivered in next year's budget, leaving the US as the only developed country without a universal paid parental leave scheme. • A letter from Lewis Carrol to his child muse, Alice Liddell, is expected to fetch between £4,000 to £6,000 pounds at auction next week in England. • Ever wonder what happened to "the Bee Girl" in Blind Melon's classic "No Rain" music video? She is 25 and an aspiring actress. • Tennessee State University has blocked students' access to the anonymous and troll-y message board, Juicy Campus. • Japanese graphic designer Sachie Tani will appear in an upcoming episode of Animal Planet's Cat 101 with her cat Goma, a bona-fide internet celebrity. • A new study claims that obese women who get pregnant after bariatric surgery tend to be healthier and less likely to deliver a baby born with complications. • An AP photographer successfully reunited two girls with the family they were separated from during the war in Congo. • Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield—the inspiration for Eri Yoshida, a 16-year-old Japanese girl who was drafted into a pro Japanese baseball team— says he hopes to see Yoshida pitch one day. • A new study reveals that the part of the brain that copes with stress flips to the opposite side of a woman's brain when she gets her period. • An Indiana Court of Appeals ruled this week that the state's policy of not charging motorists for special "In God We Trust" license plates was constitutional. • More than 80,000 people have signed an internet petition to Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, urging him to release a pregnant lawyer from a prison camp in Mordovia in a case against a former oil magnate. • The managers of Pascha, a brothel in Germany, say they would eliminate their $6 entry fee in exchange for customers getting the brothel's logo tattooed on their arm. • Ethel, a 4-year-old rabbit in England whose back legs became paralyzed last year, got a custom-made wheelchair to help her move around. • A study claims that Millennials are much more confident than previous generations of kids and many think they will be "very good" employees, mates and parents. • A 74-year-old grandmother in England has been banned from driving for 18 months after she drank and drove after an aerobics class earlier this month and attempted to drive up some stairs. • A flamingo that flew out of a zoo in Des Moines, Iowa on Tuesday has been recaptured and returned to zoo officials. • Suspected wife-murderer Drew Peterson met with divorce lawyers to discuss divorcing his wife Stacy who has been missing for over a year. •

So, the wife goes into labor, the dad freaks and calls 911, while he's on the phone, she has their daughter in the bathroom. "In the months that followed, I often told the story and would pay tribute to how Leslie gave birth. I reveled in our miracle, a testimony to a mother’s independence, a father’s irrelevance and the magic of our relationship," he explains. They listen to the 911 call all the time, which is all fun and games until their marriage falls apart and the tape becomes imbued with all kinds of sinister significance

It was perhaps fitting that the first woman I dated post-Leslie found the story appalling — despite my selling it, as I always did, as a kind of crazy and comical adventure. “It must have been terrible for you,” she said. Her response caused something to snap in me, and I opened a door to a closet. Inside was raw anger over what had happened that day.

Although this mythical incident becomes the fulcrum of the narrative, it's kind of hard, from the reader's perspective, to really understand the rage here. Is an at-home birth scary? Of course. Are the breakups of marriages and families devastating? Always. Maybe it says something terrible and jaded about me or our society that, while I'm sure this tape was a Big, Significant Deal to the author, this synecdoche doesn't serve to illuminate anything about his marriage nor about divorce and masculinity generally. I'm kind of left thinking, "and...?" Does a personal essay need to include some universal truth? Of course not — but good writing kind of does. The guy says near the end, "I hate that tape. And I know it’s amazing. It reminds me of how I failed to display any heroism, how I did the best I could in a tight situation — and how Leslie didn’t need any such help." Um, that's good, I guess. Thanks for sharing?

Have That Baby, Dear. I’ll Just Watch. [New York Times]

• The latest on Madonna: Her rabbi wants her to mediate towards a swift divorce resolution, using a round-table of Kabbalah leaders instead of going to court. It's either genius or a really bad idea. [Daily Mail]
• El oh el. Headline of the day: "Guy Ritchie Cancels Madonna's Order To Fill Swimming Pool With Kabbalah Water." [Telegraph]
• Jennifer Aniston's rep won't clarify whether Jen's dinner with Gerard Butler was business or personal, saying, "It doesn't matter what it was; it is no one's business." Some of us are curious, okay? [E!]
• After suffering a terrible tragedy, is Jennifer Hudson's career at a crossroads? [AP]
• For some reason, Tiffany "New York" Pollard made a video message for Jennifer Hudson: "God is on your side. I'm praying for you." [The Life Files]
• Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul send thoughts to Jennifer Hudson and family. [People]
• What recession? Beyoncé and Jay-Z plunked down $70,000 on a new dining table. Not a dining room. A table. [E!]

• Things were so "lively" that the cops showed up at Kate Hudson's Halloween party at about 1 a.m. Oh, and did you know that Gerard Butler came dressed as a cowboy? An insider says: "All the girls at the party were lining up to talk to Gerard. He left with two very sexy vampires." [Page Six]
• Jessica Biel: "So many friends are getting married and I'm like No! I'm resisting for now." Sorry, Justin! [Mirror]
• The top-earning dead celebrities include Elvis, Peanuts creator Charles Schulz, Heath Ledger, Albert Einstein, Aaron Spelling, Dr. Seuss and John Lennon. Marilyn Monroe is number 9 and the only lady on the list. [Forbes]
• David Beckham rented a flat in Milan and it's awfully close to the red light district. [The Sun]
• Remember Jessica Simpson's flick, Major Movie Star? It never opened in the US, but it debuted as the number one film in Russia. It's called "maybe one of the worst films ever made," which is saying something. It will have a November premiere in Bulgaria, where it might be box office gold! [Fox411]
• Alert! "There is absolutely no validity to the rumor that The Bonnie Hunt Show is in trouble or about to be canceled." You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui. [E!]
• Katy Perry posed with a knife and some anti-knife group freaked out, so now she has posed with a spoon. [Mirror]
• Last week, Gossip Girl creator Cecily von Ziegesar said that she doesn't like the character of Vanessa in the TV show. Now, Jessica Szohr, who plays Vanessa, says: "I think Vanessa’s much softer than she is in the books. She steps up to [the girls] on the Upper East Side, but she’s too soft in certain situations. But who knows what’s to come in the next 10 episodes? I feel like she keeps getting left by these guys, and she’s always there to help take care of everyone, which is really sweet of her. But I think she needs to step up and be like, 'Screw all you guys. I’m going to Brooklyn and finding a hot guy!'" [MTV]
• Will Trista and Ryan return to reality TV? Do you care? [People]
• Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are on vacation in Hawaii and you are not. See pictures of the teen dreams strolling on the beach. [NY Post]
• Blind item! "It seems the star of a certain hit series has, to quote my mole, 'a lot of rules' about the conditions under which he will work. None of his castmates like this — it's diva antics, of course — but only the show's female lead has the clout to say she won't put up with it. As a result, the two have gone from acting in few scenes together to acting in none whatsoever. (In fact, despite a story arc that would have made it nearly impossible for their characters to logically avoid one another, so far this season, they haven't crossed paths once.) So, guesses as to the identities of the Mr. Big whose Method is so maddening and the one costar with the stones to rock the boat? I'll give you one more hint, then you're on your own: The show has, I hear, 'already lost one actress' at least in part due to conflicts over Mr. Man and his master thespian baggage. Your turn. Who are the players in this frosty backstage drama?" [EW]
• Tracy Morgan says his character Biscuit is "just me, as a child, with a chip on my shoulder, because my dad wasn't around..." [NY Times]
• Oh, yuck: Remember how Julianne Hough from Dancing With The Stars went to the hospital with stomach pains? It's her appendix, and that sucker's gotta come out. [AP]
• By the by, Kim Kardashian thinks Brooke Burke will win DWTS. [People]
• Karina Smirnoff from DWTS wants Cloris Leachman to win. "She's got so much to offer, and she's so witty and charismatic," Karina says. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Cloris Leachman responds to those who find her antics annoying: "If I've made people mad, I'm sorry. All my life, I've been a cut-up. I'm just having fun." [MSNBC]
• LL Cool J was the opening act on Janet Jackson's tour, but he quit. She had to reschedule dates because her migraine-associated vertigo forced her to cancel some shows; he had scheduling conflicts. Now he needs an around the way girl. [AP]
• The crappy financial climate is a bad time to market a film where a pretty white lady loves to buy things. Will people go see Confessions Of A Shopaholic? [Jossip]
• Elle Macpherson denies that she is romantically involved with former drug trafficker Brian Burgess. [Telegraph]
• Natalie Portman will star in Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, a Don Roos-directed adaptation of an Ayelet Waldman novel. [Variety]
• Paris Hilton: Maybe going to space on the Virgin Enterprise Rocket. She says: "What if I don't come back? With the whole light-years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I'll be like, 'Great. Now I have to start all over.'" [Perez Hilton]
• El Debarge is in jail, feeling the beat of the rhythm of the night. [StereoHyped]
• Jamie Oliver has landed a deal to design kitchens, gardens and restaurants on a multi-million dollar development in Dubai. [Mirror]
• News that you can't use: The Jonas Brothers may be directed by the Farrelly brothers in a film called Walter The Farting Dog, based on the book. [Ain't It Cool News]
• The trial against Keanu Reeves — a photographer who fell while shooting him claims the car knocked him down — has begun. [USA Today]
• Will Russell Brand get fired by the BBC for making prank calls? [Telegraph]
• Sophia Bush is dating James Lafferty. That's her costar from One Tree Hill. As you may know, her ex-husband, Chad Michael Murray, is also her co-star on One Tree Hill. These people have a small, small world. [Just Jared]
• Prepare yourself: Michael Jackson will go on a 30-city tour in 2009. [Perez Hilton]
• Natalie Cole has been struggling with hepatitis C; this headline reads, "Dialysis in the day, concerts at night." [LA Times]
• Annabeth Gish of Showtime's Brotherhood has a new baby boy, Enzo. [People]
• Bob Geldof has been awarded an honorary doctorate for his contribution to music and humanitarian causes. [BBC News]
• Led Zeppelin on the road! Oh, without Robert Plant. [BBC News]
• Al Gore and B.B. King: Being honored by the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis. [UPI]
• "Often I think people haven't experienced the high pressure of a filming schedule. It isn't all celebration and glamour and glitz. The public see all the red carpets and the gossip columns and the fashion side of things. But actually it's very, very, very long hours, quite high risk and expensive, and everyone has to commit. So it's always a huge achievement when anyone makes it look easy making a film." — Ralph Fiennes. [Telegraph]
• "It's funny how things can change. My wife has brought a balance to my life that I could never have described to anyone. She’s the giant beam that I walk across and holds me up. But she’s also my safety net in case I fall. Being married has changed my life more than I could have imagined." — Pete Wentz. [The Sun]
• "Honestly, I'm a wreck, every time I see a camera, I'm a wreck. I don't tend to react as though 'I have to do this, it's my job.' I am reacting as a woman who is five-foot-one whose space is being invaded by a bunch of men whose aggression I can literally feel. In L.A. it is even worse because they are running red lights behind you, and I worry all the time about something terrible happening, someone getting hurt because of me, how I could ever possibly live with that. I can't imagine what it would be like to have kids in the back seat and have to go through this and pretend for their sake that you are not scared." — Ashley Olsen. [Daily Express]

You know what they say: It's lonely at the top. And maybe if a woman's got guts and determination, she "intimidates" men. So she either doesn't get attached to a guy, or finds one who is content to live in her shadow. Oprah doesn't have a husband, per se, but when's the last time we heard anything about that Stedman guy? Anna Wintour? Divorced. Condoleezza Rice? Not married. Tyra? Single and looking to mingle. Angela Merkel? Wikipedia says, "Her second husband is quantum chemist and professor Joachim Sauer. He remains out of the spotlight." Barbara Walters? Married three times, but presently un-hitched. Toni Morrison has been divorced since 1964. Gloria Steinem didn't get married until she was 66 years old; he died three years later. While many men have careers in which they shine and the wife is content to stay in the background, it seems that women who live an ambitious life in the limelight rarely have a "quiet" husband at home.

Okay, not every successful woman is single. Hillary Clinton's married, as are Nancy Pelosi and Tina Fey. And Beyoncé and Jay-Z are certainly making a go of the married-pop-star thing. (Brad and Angelina exist within their own universe, clearly.) But do any of them have the sheer wealth, power, global influence and drive of Madonna? I just wonder if a mere mortal man can ever be enough for her, or for any woman in her position.

Related, sorta: Hung Up!: The Madonna Breakup Playlist [Blender]

• You've heard it before, you'll hear it again: Madonna and Guy: DIVORCE! They want it over by Christmas, says a source. [The Sun]
• Madonna actually wanted to wait until the end of her tour to announce the split. [Mirror]
• And! The divorce settlement could leave Guy Ritchie pocketing up to £150 million. There was no pre-nup! [Daily Mail]
• Here's a chronological "diary" of the events leading up to the divorce. [Mirror]
• Oh, but Madonna's cast was impressed with her dedication on the set of Filth And Wisdom. Lead actress Holly Weston says: "Everything had to be perfect. I think she was even there before us in the morning." [Daily Express]
• Mothers Against Murder and Aggression (MAMA) are "horrified" that Madonna wore Karl Lagerfeld shoes with gun-shaped heels to her film premiere. [Daily Express]

• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been temporarily ordered not to "harass, strike or threaten" his wife. Temporarily??? [People]
• By the by, Hayden Panettiere wants you to smoke cigarettes and vote for John McCain. [Funny Or Die]
• Blake Lively, Penn Badgley and some other kids are backing Barack Obama in a pretty funny MoveOn video. [StarPulse]
• Speaking of Blake Lively, her father was critically injured in a car wreck late Tuesday night. Blake flew to L.A. yesterday to be by his side: actor Ernie Lively has a broken back, arm and nose. "It was pretty bad — he's lucky to be alive," says a source. [Star]
• Blake's dad is expected to make a full recovery. [Us Magazine]
• What's this? Even John McCain thinks Sarah Palin is gonna be on SNL. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston and John "The Player" Mayer had dinner Saturday night New York. Is it back on? Are they just friends? [People]
• Jen and John had dinner Sunday night in New York as well. Reunited, and it feels so good! [Page Six]
• Holy crap: Britney's going on tour next spring? It would be her first time since 2004. Well, touring is where the cash is. The lady has kids to feed. [Reuters]
• Christina Aguilera says she's having more kids. Definitely. And: "I'm in love with my life." And: "I think it's important to share what I love – what makes me me – with my son. So. I change diapers and I breastfeed him and I play with him and then I work. I want to show Max everything about me." [People]
• Liz Taylor has become a regular at The Abbey, the hottest gay bar in West Hollywood. A source says: "She talks to everyone and everybody just loves her. She particularly likes watermelon martinis and tequila shots." [Daily Express]
• Between building homes for people displaced by Katrina, dabbling in photography and donating $100,000 to support gay marriage in California, Brad Pitt doesn't seem very interested in Hollywood. [ABC News]
• Holly Madison wanted to have kids with Hugh Hefner, so she did everything she could. Yeah, she slept with him. And! She tried fertility treatments. [Extra]
• Demi Moore will make her directorial debut, and the flick will star her daughter, Rumer. It's a 20-minute short film for Glamour's Reel Moments project. [ONTD]
• Someone actually paid $20,000 to box with Michael Lohan. Well, it is for charity. The dude is Robert Venero, president and CEO of Future Tech Enterprise in Holbrook, Long Island. He also bought 50 seats at $150 each so his friends can watch the fight. It all goes down November 24th at the Hilton Long Island in Melville. The rumble is a bungle! [Perez Hilton]
• DJ AM will appear on tour with Jay-Z tonight at the Hollywood Palladium in a big comeback move. [Perez Hilton]
• Colin Farrell has opened up about his stint in rehab on the BBC's Friday Night With Jonathan Ross: "I began to come out of the haze that I was in and had burrowed myself into so deeply...Basically, I'd been fairly drunk or high since I was 14. I was very drunk and high for 16 years, so it was a tough life change, and I was dying. I'm one of the lucky ones." The video is worth watching for his fascinating eyebrows alone. [E!]
• Meredith Vieira stubbed her big toe pretty badly and the financial crisis is to blame. [NY Observer]
• The lawyer who reps Anne Hathaway's ex, Raffaello Follieri, is trying to get him less jail time. She wants to speed up his deportation back to Italy and reduce his prison sentence from 5 to 3 years. She also calls him "deeply religious" and mentions his sick mother in Italy. He picked a good one. [Reuters]
• Ashlee Simpson's mom is moving in for a few days — or weeks — to help out after Ash gives birth. Pete Wentz is "cool with it." [Just Jared]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham will be on Gordon Ramsay's new show. Just. Can't> Picture. Her. Cooking. [The Sun]
• The son of the Beckhams' housekeepers has been arrested on suspicion of theft of items from their some that were later offered for sale on eBay. [Daily Mail]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ben Stiller will star in a "wacky disaster comedy" about a Hawaiian volcano that needs a virgin sacrifice? Well, Cameron Crowe is involved… [Perez Hilton]
• Simon Cowell sits on cushions to look taller on TV. [Perez Hilton]
• Kim Kardashian: Calls Reggie Bush her "hubby" but he's not even her fiancé. Someone said they saw that she was hitched on Facebook. "I'm not engaged," she says. "I'm not even on Facebook!" [E!]
• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are putting on a "united front" by going out to dinner amid split rumors, which could mean the rumors are just rumors. [Daily Express]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli: Spotted together in Cancun, then West Hollywood, then Beverly Hills. It's definitely on. [Perez Hilton]
• Sacha Baron Cohen bumped into a waiter and sent a tray of food flying all over his white suit at his birthday dinner in West Hollywood. It might have actually been real and not a joke. [Mirror]
• It seems that Nikki Ziering was pregnant when she was on Hulk Hogan Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Probably not a good idea to wrestle with a bun in the oven, no? [TMZ]
• Vanessa Redgrave and Natasha Richardson, mother and daughter, will play mother and daughter in a one-night concert version of A Little Night Music, the Stephen Sondheim-Hugh Wheeler musical. [AP]
• Gary Coleman pleaded not guilty to charges of disorderly conduct and reckless driving yesterday regarding that September incident at a bowling alley where he allegedly hit a dude with his truck who was trying to take a cell phone picture. Coleman's lawyer says: "He simply acted accordingly with what normal human beings would do." LOL. [AP]
• John Travolta was gonna film in one of Paris's toughest housing projects, but 10 cars to be used in the movie were burned. [Yahoo News]
• A photographer for UK tabloid paper The Sun spills: "Working with Madonna was fantastic… I also got to see Pink in a thong when shooting the video for one of her in a shower. I tried to avert my eyes but it was strange..." Mariah Carey is the biggest diva who "doesn’t like downward shadows on her face." [The Sun]
• Christie Brinkley is suing ex-husband Peter Cook for taking her kids out of town by single-engine plane. [NY Post]
• Tim McGraw apologizes for his greatest hits album. Not for the music, but for not releasing new tracks. Although he blames his label. [People]
• "I had just lost my virginity the year before. So to go from doing that to shooting a love scene... I remember I talked to Sean Connery about it and told him I was nervous before going in there and he just said, 'Well, all I can tell you boy is breathe, remember to breathe.'" — Christian Slater, on his first love scene, in The Name Of The Rose.
• "It's coming to a point where I love this show so much, but I'm ready to kind of walk away. I've been doing it for five years now. Five years on TV is a really, really long time. It's more difficult when not only everyone knows about your problems, but they make them worse because things escalate and things get twisted. It's hard to have an actual friendship be torn apart in the media." — Lauren Conrad, on The Hills. [Perez Hilton]
• "There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks…to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both." — Denis Leary. [Page Six]

• Thomas Daley, a Pennsylvanian landlord, is accused of wiretapping and secretly recording footage of his female tenants in their apartments for 20 years. • According to a new studyconducted in conjunction with Clairol Nice n' Easy, women who dye their hair feel more confident. • UC Santa Barbara has created a graduate program that will offer a MA and a PhD in feminist studies, beginning in the fall 2009 semester. • A report from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare has found that self-harm among teen girls has risen by one-third in the past eight years and is more likely to cause hospitalization. • Sally Cluley will become England's youngest pilot this weekend when she receives her Private Pilots License on her 17th birthday on Sunday. • The FDA launched a crackdown today on eye wash and papain-based eye creams that are currently not approved by the FDA. • A lesbian soldier is seeking about $800,000 in compensation after a male officer in the Royal Artillery made sexual advances on her and then told to keep quiet by other unsympathetic officers.• A town in northern Italy joins a Tel Aviv suburb in using a DNA database to fine dog owners who don't scoop their dog's poop. • Ever wanted to tear someone a new asshole but found the job physically impossible? Now you can do it! • A radiation seed implant called ballon brachytherapy can shorten radiation treatment for breast cancer and will hopefully lead more women to seek out radiation therapy. • Morocco's top body of Islamic scholars have condemned a Muslim theologian's decree that girls as young as nine can marry. •

See what I mean? Totally a book for aliens.

One of the chapters in the book is called "When Your Husband Loses His Job." Here's an excerpt:

A man's sense of identity is closely bound up with his job. His confidence stems in large measure from being able to do his work well, to hold his own with other men, and to provide adequately for his family. The loss of his job is a threat to his masculinity, a blow to his ego so powerful that it may have a physical as well as a mental effect on him.

The chapter offers advice on how women really need to be emotionally supportive, while not draining their finances on their "usual scotch and sirloin steaks, and having her weekly appointment at the beauty salon." And while there aren't any blatant tips of "Hey lady why don't you go get a job?" there is one sentence in caption that says, "Today, women, too, are taking direct action to secure better pay and working conditions."

The next chapter is called "Sons and Daughters" and this is the page of images that's used to open it:

I stared at it for a while and was like, "Whuuuuuuuuuut?" It kinda looks like that "one of these things is not like the other" thing from Sesame Street. It turns out that it's supposed to be examples of teenage rebellion, which makes it even more hilarious because that guy on the bottom right is already experiencing signs of male-pattern baldness, so it would seem that his parents fucked up raising him way long ago. Also, maybe this is a generational thing, but I don't remember doing any of those things as a way of acting out (certainly don't remember breastfeeding an infant in a room of naked hippies). My rebellion was limited to dying my hair pink, shoplifting from Claire's, using a lunchbox as a purse, and taking my parents' car for a joyride without asking (or having a license). Oh, and I guess I also dated a 27-year-old guy, so maybe that picture on the bottom right-hand corner makes a bit of sense now.

The rebellious acts of children that this chapter covers range from "trashing" (which apparently is '70s speak for "vandalism") and living in sin, like this couple:

Did men just age horribly back then or something? I totally thought it was her dad, but it turns out it's the guy she's shacking up with.

Another problem that arises with pain-in-the-ass kids?

Rallying in favor of abortion—now legalized but still a subject of controversy.

If this chick were my daughter, the only beef I'd have with her would be jealousy over how supremely awesome she is at making posters. She's protesting with a poster of a protester protesting with a poster!

This passage is for Sarah Palin:

If your daughter is pregnant, there is one thing that you and your husband must consider above all else: how your daughter feels, and what she wants to do. This is not as easy as it sounds. Your daughter is bound to be undergoing a great many conflicting emotions. She may be too distressed and confused to know what she wants, or her decision may not coincide with yours. If the boy says he wants to marry her, for example, you may breathe a sigh of relief. But is your daughter sure she wants this? Is she being pressured? Is he doing the "right" thing because it is expected of him? A hasty wedding may save everyone's face temporarily, but the chances are that a marriage made under pressure will not be successful.

Naturally, the chapter "Drugs and Your Child" has the coolest looking people. Sienna, is that you?

This quiz is from the chapter "The Drinking Problem," which evidently, we all have, since you're an alcoholic if you answer "yes" to 2 or more of these questions.

So what have I learned from this book? All the hairy bullshit stress in life stems from your husband or your ungrateful children. God, did my mom write this?

Earlier: Woman Alive: Food For Life, Love, And Looks
Woman Alive: Discover A Lovelier You

However, Walsh-Smith doesn't regret posting the Youtube vids, even though the judge called her stunt, "A watershed event in this marriage, elevating what was still primarily a private dispute into a public spectacle…Had defendant not posted her videos on YouTube, a case could be made that her previous marital misconduct did not rise to the level of cruel and inhuman treatment, a claim that ironically she herself made on YouTube." On her official website, Walsh-Smith wrote that she will be making an official statement tomorrow at 10:30 am. For now, we'll have to make due with her parting claim from yesterday's trial: "If I hadn't done the videos," Walsh-Smith said, "I would only have gotten $50,000."

Man Wins Divorce From Angry Wife In YouTube Video [NYDN]
Tricia Walsh-Smith [YouTube Channel]
Tricia Walsh-Smith [Official Website]

Earlier: made headlines

That sentiment was echoed in the oft-emailed Maureen Dowd column from last Sunday on an "ideal husband." MoDo was totally phoning it in with this one (she basically wrote a paragraph and then just quoted Priest and marriage expert Father Pat Connor at length), but it is still in the top-five most emailed list five days later because the advice contained within is sound. Connor said to Dowd, "Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so."

Which brings me back to the Brinkley/Cook fracas. According to a Rush & Molloy column in the New York Daily News from May, 1996, "Cautious as she is after her brief marriage to Colorado playboy Ricky Taubman, Brinkley is still a sucker for gorgeous guys. She's been making the first round of Hamptons parties with Cook. who's a former model, a Duke grad and son of a federal judge. Like Brinkley, Cook has been quick on the romantic draw. In 1992, he proposed to actress/model Anna Rhodes six weeks after meeting her. But then, he reportedly got distracted by Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Ashley Richardson Montana."

A serial modelizer with a history of hasty proposals? I probably wouldn't have put money on him staying faithful. Sorry Christie!

Staying Civil In Divorce Court Is Hard To Do [USA Today]
An Ideal Husband [NYT]

I also don't find Tien's honesty "brave," I find it sad. When you share your life with someone, of course you will be frequently annoyed by them. But, beneath those frequent irritations, there is a deep affection, one that's so thickly layered that it's difficult to describe publicly without feeling you've betrayed your partner, or belittled your shared emotions by attempting to explain them in a way that's accessible to others.

Rosin describes the beginning of Tien's piece — it's "a portrait of her bumbling fool of a husband, who lies, always says exactly the wrong thing, scratches his armpit at a parent-teacher conference and then 'absently smells his fingers.'" To publicly denigrate someone you ostensibly still love in that way is kind of scary to me. Why is she staying with someone she doesn't publicly respect? Tien also writes that "Beneath the thumpingly ordinary nature of of our marriage — Everymarriage — runs the silent chyron of divorce." It seems like for her, the chyron is silent but deadly.

Divorce Anyone? [Slate]

Earlier: Slate Power Couple Attempts To Stay Within 15 Feet Of Each Other For 24 Hours

Miscellaneous observations noted the day after seeing Sex & The City: The Movie and reading about YouTube divorcee Tricia Walsh-Smith in 'New York' magazine and the anxieties of the newly-slightly-less-rich in the 'New York Times', vaguely petitioning the godless void to find someone to marry me before I look like this.

•Divorce is the new Death. No one wants it, really, but for some reason everyone assumes its inevitability. But when it comes, what happens? Who's the greater fool? This can be prepared for, like the Afterlife. Contracts can be drawn, assets accumulated and shifted. Carrie says she came to New York in search of the two "Ls" — "love" and "labels." Of course, "marriage" is just another variation on "label," worn like an LV to designate oneself as superior, uncommon, discriminating somehow, dignified. Whatever that means.

•Tricia Walsh-Smith is the worst-case matrimonial scenario. If you don't get married, or if you botch your prenuptial agreement, or if he leaves you at the altar (a.k.a. Big) or sleeps with a random stranger (a.k.a. Miranda), you lose all dignity; all of it, gone. And without that dignity, what is left? Shoes. The end.

•A recession is on; the specter of divorce is suddenly omnipresent. A prominent divorce attorney reports an uptick in her business on the basis of men worried their shrinking net worths will inspire their wives to leave them. “I literally had to sit there and tell him that he had to tell his wife that she had to stop spending,” she told one client. “He was actually scared she would leave him because their financial situation changed so drastically."

•Wealth (and wedded bliss) are useless if no one else is made to feel inferior in their presence. As a source of happiness, wealth, for one, is crap — just ask a rich person! As Carrie tells Miranda when she expresses reservations about her upcoming nuptials: "Can't you feel what I want you to feel for a second? Jealous?" The Times relates the story of a woman who sells $2 million in diamonds, because her friends wouldn’t notice that they were gone. "If I sold my Bentley or my important art, they would notice,’ ” she said. (In other words, now may be a good time to get in on a used engagement ring!)

•Following a worthy attempt by famous divorce attorney Raoul Felder to convert some of Tricia Walsh-Smith's capacity to withstand dignity ruin into currency, Tricia Walsh-Smith is in debt to Felder. She reports going to sleep every night feeling as though she's about to hurl.
•I felt like I was going to hurl throughout the entire SATC movie. Where do I live? How did I land here? I could barely walk up the escalator. Then I lit a cigarette, and looked at Dodai, who looked equally horrified. I decided it was satire. Thank the void for girlfriends!

The YouTube Divorcee [NY Mag]
It's Not So Easy Being Less Rich [NY Times]

And why did he think he'd be the one to ruin the marriage? "As a travel writer, I live an easy, pampered life. And like many without real cares, I am not unfamiliar with the urge to drive the happy bus off the side of the mountain just to see what happens," Sachs writes. "Complicating this is that disease of the brain called chronic male horniness. I used to tell people that the world will never seem more teeming with beautiful, fascinating, fuckable people than on the sunny afternoon when you walk to the post office carrying a box full of your wedding invitations."

My problem with that statement is not that he thought about fucking other people — everyone with a pulse, regardless of how much in love they are, thinks about fucking other people — it's that he attributes it to chronic male horniness, as if women couldn't possibly understand what it's like to lust after strangers. The John's reasoning is identical to Sachs's. Even fucking Marilyn Monroe gets boring, he exclaims. Well you know what, Adam, getting boned by George Clooney probably loses its luster after a couple of years, too! The fact that I even need to point out that all humans, regardless of gender, have biological urges is completely ridiculous, but I guess I'm going to have to keep doing it until men take intellectual responsibility for their wandering Johnsons.

Divorce: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac [Men.Style.Com]
I've Seen Every Kind Of Hooker Going [Letters From Johns]

• So. Fergie has recorded the theme song for the Sex And The City Movie and it is fucking insane. Seriously. It's a fast-paced track that uses the original instrumental music from the show, with Fergie sing-rapping lyrics like: "Shopping for labels, shopping for love... Manolo and Louis is all I'm thinking of... Emotional baggage just replace them with Dior... Let's stop chasing the boys and shop some more..." It does not appear to be a joke. You can listen to the nauseating ditty here. Just a warning: You may puke or cry or both. [People]
  
• Heidi Montag won't be at the White House Correspondents dinner because Spencer Pratt got involved and demanded first-class tickets for both of them — even though he wasn't invited. When he was denied, Spencer canceled Heidi's appearance because the event "wasn't A-listy enough." Meanwhile, Pamela Anderson, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Hayden Panettierre, Claire Danes, Rob Lowe and Donatella Versace will all be there. Aren't you proud to be an American? [Page Six]
  
• When Ellen DeGeneres asked Ashlee Simpson,"Are you or are you not pregnant?" Ashlee said: "Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is something that I choose personally not to discuss." In other words, yes. [People]
  
• Colin Firth and Helen Hunt were shooting an intimate scene together when someone farted. [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse got drunk and tried to headbutt some dude. [Mirror]

• She also maybe punched someone else and also "snogged a mystery fella" before walking into a lamppost. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Lopez will co-executive produce, co-create and star in a TLC "docu-series" aka reality show, about how she juggles a career (including launching a new fragrance) and motherhood. Hmm, maybe with vaults of cash and lots of servants? [People]
• Also signing a deal with TLC for "unscripted" shows: Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos. [Perez Hilton]
• Star Jones filed for divorce from Al Reynolds back in March, and she's now released a statement: "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman." What she means is: "He's gay." [Concrete Loop]
• Gisele Bundchen and Sylvester Stallone: Filming a Volkswagen commercial for Brazil? [Page Six]
• Caliente blind item! "Which gorgeous Latina actress is said to have a Sapphic relationship with her hair stylist?" [Gatecrasher]
• Wesley Snipes has asked some of his famous pals to write letters to the judge who is sentencing him for fraud. His character references include Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson. Snipes could get three years in prison — he's set to be sentenced today. [TMZ]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler and boyfriend Scott Sartiano: Dunzo. [People]
• Snoop Dogg is no longer banned from Britain! Huzzah! [Guardian]
• Sir Paul McCartney is £100 million richer than he claimed in his divorce hearing. When you have a lot of money, it's easy to forget about a £100 million here and there. [Telegraph]
• Anna Nicole Smith's mother is suing Anna's lawyer (Howard K. Stern) and TMZ, claiming she was defamed. Doesn't she know they defame everyone? [Reuters]
• Paris Hilton is banned from the Hyatt in Moscow for allegedly writing her name on the wall in her room with a black marker. "Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list," says a spokesperson. She shoulda stayed at the Hilton. [UPI]
• Alicia Keys has canceled two shows because of swollen vocal cords. [Reuters]
• Yes, yes, the rumors are true, one of the Gossip Girl characters is gay, and it's Eric van der Woodsen. [LA Times]
• Joe Simpson is the third wheel in Jessica and Tony Romo's relationship, gross. [MSNBC]
• Orlando Brown of That's So Raven was missing for 24 hours but has returned, saying he "felt a little lost and needed to get away." [People]
• The wife of Billy Blanks, creator of Tae Bo, has filed for divorce.They've been married since 1974, which is inspiring/depressing. [TMZ]
• Paramount Pictures is suing Don Cornelius, host of Soul Train. Something about $290,000 in debt. Back in the day, Soul Train was the shit, huh? [TMZ]
• Director Stephen Daldry is talking about bringing his 2002 film The Hours to Broadway — possibly as an opera. Yeah, hmmm. Ponder that for a minute. [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Underwood has been cheated on once or twice but doesn't recommend property damage like her song says. [People]
• Imprisoned Pete Doherty is "surprisingly chipper." [Mirror]
• OMG is Amy Poehler pregnant??? [ONTD]

The real tragedy is believing in things like dignity and pride and ego — and while we're at it, prenuptial agreements! — and YouTube is the just the new way people who don't believe in pride and ego air out the wounds to their pride and ego in a way too public and self-destructive for anyone to accuse them of having any pride or ego, and also, go about finding a lawyer who will screw the fuck out of that old fuck.

Tricia Walsh-Smith is somewhat sympathetic. She's hit bottom before — addiction (she wrote a critically-acclaimed play about it) — and she seems levelheaded here even though you're pretty sure she's out of her mind. On the other hand, if she never fucked her husband throughout their nine year marriage I'm thinking this wasn't exactly true love but more like a "lifestyle choice" she made that she is now simply enraged at herself for making because she could have been fucking...well, whoever fucks pretty middle-aged recovering alcoholic playwrights. And the fact that she's pissed at herself for making that choice is why she made this video, along with capturing the attention of high-profile divorce attorneys who might take her on because she has rendered herself high-profile with her honest, uncalculated — of maybe calculatedly uncalculated?? — ode to her grief and rage online. Yeah, that's it; she hates herself, but she hates him more!

Humiliated By YouTube [Daily Mail]
Broadway Wife Wants Divorce By YouTube [CBS News]
Is Revenge Now A Dish Best Served Online? [Telegraph]
The Misery Broker [New Yorker] (It's a profile of divorce attorney Raoul Felder, who is now representing Tricia Walsh-Smith, ha ha ha I love the universe.)

You wrote that living in a Blue State reduces the odds of divorce. Democrats divorce at a lower rate than Republicans? I find that very difficult to believe.

Because, really? Let's count our long-marrieds who were actual contenders in the race this year: Democratic front-runners Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards and Bill Richardson are all still on their first marriages. But on the Republican side, only Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney, both famously very religious, have stuck by the first women to whom they promised "for better or for worse." Last-man-standing John McCain divorced his first wife for Cindy, Fred Thompson left his first wife and picked up a younger model and Rudy Giuliani is famously on his third wife.

Perhaps it hasn't occurred to L.H. that many politicians on the right come from the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do school of thinking. Abstinence-only education and encouraging people to marry and stay married is for the electorate — the minor party functionaries and the voters who want to believe that the 1950s was the best decade in American history — not the ruling class. Because if history is any indication, the leader will likely keep leaving their wives for younger women and boning the interns. It's always good to have someone to cushion the fall when you're knocked off that high horse!

Work & Family Mailbox [Wall Street Journal]

[Telegraph, People]

Lorna Wendt, the ex-wife of GE Capital CEO George Wendt, was originally offered $8 million following the couple's divorce after 32 years of marriage. Lorna thought she was worth half of the $100 million fortune George had amassed, and after taking her ex to court, ended up receiving $20 million. She told Fortune magazine: "I complemented him by keeping the home fires burning and by raising a family and by being the CEO of the Wendt corporation and by running the household and grounds and social and emotional ties so he could go out and work very hard at what he was good at... If marriage isn't a partnership between equals, then why get married? If you knew that some husband or judge down the road was going to say, 'You're a 30% part of this marriage, and he's a 70% part,' would you get married?"

Arguably, Mills never created any sort of McCartney corporation. Nearly all of her ex-husband's money and success had been amassed long before she came on the scene. But does that mean she deserves less of the pie? Then there's the couple's young daughter, 4-year-old Beatrice. In addition to the $49 million, McCartney will pay $70,000 a year for Beatrice's nanny and school fees. To this sum, Mills griped, "[Beatrice is] obviously meant to travel B class while her father travels A class."

The court of John Q. Public has been, well, less than sympathetic to Mills In the comments section of a New York Times item analyzing the press coverage of her, reader "wendy" says of Mills, "Another money hungry 'female dog' that gives us good women a bad "name". You didn't have it when you met him and shouldn't have it when you leave him..." No one but the people involved know the real details about the Mills-McCartney marriage, though the pair's divorce proceedings will be made public as per a court decision today, despite an appeal from Mills yesterday. But again: even if we knew the intimate details, how do we put a price on them?

A Well-Covered End To The McCartney-Mills Marriage [NY Times]
The Price Of Romance [Guardian]
It's Her Job Too: Lorna Wendt's $20 Million Divorce Case Is The Shot Heard 'Round The Water Cooler [Fortune]
McCartney Divorce Ruling To Be Released [AP via Yahoo]