crappy hour

Happy Non-St. Pat's Day, Folks! The World Is Currently Ending

How was your weekend? Hey! Guess who cares; no one. Fucking End Times came while you were drinking green beer or whatever, to the point that I shouldn't have to bait you with the fact that the McGreeveys HAD HARD CORE INTENSE BUTT SEX ORGIES WITH MARGARITAS/ POTATO SKIN PLATTERS AT T.G.I.FRIDAYS. But there I go baiting you! Okay, seriously though: did you know today is not St. Patrick's Day? No, the Vatican foresaw that everyone would be drinking heavily anyway today and rescheduled it so it wouldn't conflict with the collapse of the American financial system/China's control over its populace/numerous buildings. In other news, John McCain is taking some soothing R&R in Iraq. Will Spielberg and the Beastie Boys and the rest of the "Dalai clique" spoil the Olympics for China? Will the Fed bail me out in the event of a liquidity crisis in approx four weeks? Why can't I get in on Bear Stearns at two bucks a share? All that and odds on Laura Bush dropping her cookie sheet to call up Hu Jintao on behalf of her precious hot monks with me and Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier. JUMP. More »

news roundup

Meet Ashley Alexandra Dupre. She Fucked Eliot Spitzer. She Is The Future Of Music!

I know what I want, you know what I want, I know what you need, can you handle me? Thus begins the mellifluous "What We Want," the latest track posted on the MySpace page of Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the musician, abuse victim, former drug abuser and self-professed "non moron" who had sex with Eliot Spitzer under the name "Kristen" the night before Valentine's Day. Perhaps some blog will pay her $4,300 to perform it at their annual party in May? [NYT]

The Emperor's Club also offered graphic design and consulting services but I'm thinking they weren't that popular because I could probably design their website myself. [Slate]

Eliot Spitzer is a Gemini. Libras are famously attracted to Geminis so I guess I should consider it a bullet dodged. [Huffington Post]

Dina McGreevey is still pretty pissed. You would be, too, if your husband had told you he was gay by asking you to read a draft of a speech he was about to give. [NYT]

Geraldine Ferrarro abdicated her position on the Clinton campaign so she can continue speaking her mind about how easy black guys have it compared to white women. [Reuters]

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dirt bag

Paris Hilton's Dad Pimps Her Out In Vegas

• Palms casino/hotel owner George Maloof may pay Paris Hilton's dad the 50Gs he's asking for for the privilege of hosting Paris' Get-Out-Of-Jail Bash.
  
• George Maloof: "The one who once hooked her up with Britney Spears." What an achievement!
  
• Meanwhile, (same item, folks!) "Girls Gone Wild" mogul Joe Francis looks fondly ahead to his own after-prison bash, a party that will be replete with "car thieves, drug dealers and murderers" at Hyde in LA. But he's in no hurry to get out of jail, mind you! "My cell is actually nicer than my USC dorm room." Also! "My heart goes out to Paris." (And what a heart it is!) [Page Six]
  
• Dina Matos McGreevey court filings accuse her ex-husband and former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevy of badmouthing her in the gay community, which then sabotaged sales of her tell-all. We aren't buying it. Um, Dina? "Badmouthing in the gay community" is also known as "word-of-mouth marketing" in this town, and if sales dropped off that's because the book's sex scenes sucked, which is prob because... you married a gay, bitch! [NY Post]
  
• Check forging socialite Dori Cooperman is trying to cozy up to Lindsay Lohan in rehab, and Lindsay's "friends" are all "it won't work" and we are all "it will so work." [Page Six]
  
• Bad mommy/crazy lady actress Anne Heche loses custody of her kids and seeks solace in the arms of Ethan Hawke, pussy. [Page Six] [Gatecrasher] [E! Online]

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