In fact, in 1999, the Wall Street Journal devoted an entire article to the widely-disseminated rumor that Mountain Dew is bad for the balls. The Journal interviewed one Kristen Haynes, then 16, from Washington, D.C., who had heard that Mountain Dew lowers the sperm count, but only if you drink more than 24 ounces a day. Kristen heard that sperm count was lowered "By one or two points for every 24 ounces you drink, basically. A lot of guys at school were very worried about it. They were worried that by the time they were ready to have children, they would not get their partner pregnant." The people at Kristen's school were not so bright: She also told the Journal that one of her 13-year-old classmates would give her boyfriend a pack of Mountain Dew before they had sex, and "That's the only kind of birth control she ever said she used."

Other contraceptive myths beyond the Dew you might have once believed include: you can't get pregnant if the girl's on top (it's gravity!); you can't get pregnant if you have sex in a Jacuzzi; if you have sex for fifteen minutes, you get pregnant and if you have sex for thirty minutes, you get knocked up with twins. In a country where abstinence education runs swiftly across this country like Route 66, what kind of contraceptive disinformation did you hear as a kid?

History's 10 Most Terrifying Contraceptives [Cracked]
Why Mountain Dew Is Now the Talk Of the Teen Circuit [Wall Street Journal — unavailable online]

Related: History's Most Terrifying Contraceptives [Babble]
Ask The Experts: Does Drinking Mountain Dew Lower A Guy's Sperm Count? [TeenWire]

I don't really remember how I exactly put it, but I mumbled (so as not to alert the other diners what a sicko I am) something about the pros and cons of period sex. 'Cause I don't know about anyone else, but I get crazy horny on my period. Not like the first two days when I'm like all diarrhea and cramping and it's super heavy, but like around day three or four. It can be difficult to talk guys into fucking you then, especially if you don't know them that well. Some dudes just get freaked by it, and don't recognize it for what it is — extra lube.

Anyway, whatever I said didn't faze Dr. Ruth at all. Without missing a beat, she said, "Just use a diaphragm to make it less messy." She cupped her hands up to illustrate, "It will catch it and keep it up there." Then she smiled, looked back down at her book and literally shooed us away with her hands. Best. Dismissal. Ever.

I had my period that day, and had plans to hang out with this dude later that night. We'd made out a few days before, but that was it. No feeling up or anything. But it was obvious that we were gonna bang, 'cause, you know, that's how I do. In the middle of fooling around, I jumped up to pull out my tampon, because I was scared I would come with it in and I have a weird phobia about that. We ended up having sex, but unfortunately, I don't have a diaphragm (even though I love the idea of one, it's so retro-feminist, single gal) so my sheets ended up paying the price for my good time. But I'm seriously thinking about taking Dr. Ruth up on her advice, and getting fitted for a diaphragm, so I don't have to deal with stain-sticking uterine lining from my linens.

Earlier: How About You Don't Ask To Come On My Face On The First Date?
Period Sex: A Do Or A Don't?