In April, HBO announced plans for a show titled Women's Studies, which would focus on a feminist "it"-girl-turned-professor. This is also the network which airs The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, a female-driven series and one of only two prime-time dramas with an African-American woman as its star. (The other is HawthoRNe). Perhaps HBO is trying to do penance for or regain female viewers lost after Sex And The City went off the air? In any case, Marti Noxon says she's wanted to do a show that touches on feminism for a while; she was 12 when her mom came out as a radical feminist lesbian and had to juggle her mom's beliefs with her own interests: "I wanted to be a gal, I was very interested in men, and I wanted to shave my legs," Noxon says. The concept of the Diane Keaton project — an older lady working at a porn mag — sounds awesome. As long as they don't call it Hot Flash.

Diane Keaton To Star In HBO Comedy Series [Reuters]
Earlier: HBO Majors In Women's Studies

• Mischa Barton's former friend Nicole Richie is helping her get her life back together after her recent meltdown. Nicole, "stepped in and talked to her about making changes in her life… basically doing a 360," says a source.

• "Mischa isn't even smoking anymore, thanks to Nicole... Nicole told Mischa that she has to straighten up because she has a lot riding on this new show," added the source. We hate to question an anonymous source, but it seems her math is a little off there. [Radar Online]
• Maybe the rumors are true: Mischa Barton is scheduled to return to work on The Beautiful Life later this week. Her rep says she "will be resuming production as planned with the rest of the cast in NYC. She's back to business as usual." [People]
• Jessica Simpson said she's not going to ask Tony Romo to return the $100,000 boat she got him for his last birthday. She explained, "I'm not an Indian giver." [TMZ]
• Joe Simpson says Jessica Simpson is "doing very good," since the breakup and she got a 5-carat diamond ring this weekend from a random jewelry designer at a party. What more could a girl want? [E!]
• "Jen romping with so publicly with Butler is like stabbing a knife through Brad's heart," claims a source, because as we all know the only reason Jennifer Aniston continues to pursue romantic relationships is to make Brad Pitt jealous. [ONTD]
• Just so you know, Brad Pitt bought another motorcycle. [The Daily Mail]
• Some are interpreting a reference Miley Cyrus made on Twitter to a John Mayer song to mean that she's going to break up with Nick Jonas for Justin Gaston... or something like that. We can't spend anymore time trying to make sense of a 16-year-old's Tweets. [People]
• Apparently Demi Lovato is still friends with Miley Cyrus even though she just broke up with her brother Trace Cyrus. Lovato says, "Recently [Miley] sent me this four-page text message encouraging me and telling me she has faith in me. It was so inspiring and made me feel great – because I do get a bit overwhelmed by the paps sometimes." [People]
• Amy Winehouse is shipping all of her equipment back from the Caribbean so she can set up a new studio and start recording her third album. [The Sun]
• Now that their divorce is finalized, Blake Fielder-Civil continues to spill details about Amy Winehouse. He says of the first time she tried heroin, "We had a bottle of pink champagne and had sex and were lying on the bed together talking. I'd been smoking heroin on my own before that, but never in front of her. I got a bit for myself, and she looked at me and said, 'Can I have some?' I was out of my mind on drugs and I said, 'Of course'. She inhaled the heroin and then just sat back, smiled and her eyes went a bit funny. She said, 'I can see why you take this'. Amy took to heroin like a duck to water, same as me." [The Sun]
• DEA agents raided Dr. Conrad Murray's home in Las Vegas today looking for Michael Jackson's medical records. An agent spoke to the press and said Dr. Murray was home during the raid. [TMZ, TMZ]
• A spokeswoman for Dr. Conrad Murray's lawyer said, "It's a waste of time responding to all these timed ‘leaks' from ‘anonymous' sources... I have no doubt they want to make a case – for goodness sakes, it's Michael Jackson - but things tend to shake out when all the facts are made known." [Radar Online]
• According to Brody Jenner he doesn't hang out with Lauren Conrad anymore. "I haven't seen much of her since she left the show," said Brody. It's almost like the producers of The Hills were forcing them to hang out. [E!]
• Apparently this L.A. Candy movie is all part of Lauren Conrad's master plan. "Lauren's goal is to get into producing – it always was," says a source, "It was always to make L.A. Candy into a film or TV show. She's been in talks about it." [People]
• Daniel Bark, the man who allegedly hit and killed American Idol hopeful Alexis Cohen has been charged with aggravated manslaughter by causing the death of another while fleeing from law enforcement officers, vehicular homicide and eluding police. Bark's attorney says he's on suicide watch. [UPI, Extra]
• Simon Cowell is dating Mezghan Hussainy, a make-up artist who works on American Idol. [The Daily Mail]
• Marilyn Manson wrote this threat to journalists on his blog: "I can, but do not need to defend myself And the absurd accusations that the average press has clinged onto. If we need a nude photo of me to prove that I am far different than the soon-to-be-murdered-in-their-home press has decided to fabricate, that is easy. But if one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech. I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat. Mm" [Perez Hilton]
• It seems Marilyn Manson's comments were a reaction to a recent L.A. Weekly interview that paints him as a paranoid cocaine addict and claims ex Evan Rachel Wood was nicknamed "Snowflake" because "when they played shows, she'd hold all the coke." [Rolling Stone]
• A few days before their split from Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian said in an interview about their house hunting expedition, "I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and ... It is time for me to move. I wish my sisters could move in with me...I don't think I would ever live with someone unless I'm engaged. I'm really firm on that. I have done it before. I would tell all my friends, the best thing is to keep your independence. It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself." Of course, People thinks this is "telling." [People]
• Hulk Hogan's divorce from Linda Bollea is nearing an end. This morning they agreed to a final settlement over their assets and Hulk told reporters, "I'm a free man." [TMZ]
• Supposedly just six months into their relationship Josh Duhamel and Fergie's relationship is on the rocks because he wants to start a family and she wants to pursue her career. "Publicly they're painting a picture of sheer bliss, but behind the scenes, cracks in their young marriage are beginning to show," says a source. [The National Enquirer]
• The Sun quoted Estelle, who sings "American Boy" as Tweeting "Rihanna just doesn't do it for me," but she says they were actually quoting one of her followers and she never insulted Rihanna. [The Daily Express]
• Ashley Jensen of Ugly Betty and her husband, actor Terence Beesley, are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Ethan and Joel Coen's A Serious Man and Drew Barrymore's Whip It will premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival. [Variety]
• Warren Beatty's lawyer is arguing that it would be too expensive and inconvenient for him to travel to Delaware for the trial to settle a dispute about the movie and TV rights to Dick Tracy. [AP]
• A reporter on Good Day Scramento joked during an interview with Joan Rivers that her daughter Melissa Rivers was just riding her coattails. Joan replied: "I think we're going to end the interview right here. Don't be so fucking smart." [TMZ]
• Josh Brolin says sex with Megan Fox was "uncomfortable" ... on screen in their film Jonah Hex. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted flirting with Ashley Roberts of the Pussycat Dolls. [The Sun]
• According to a press release from E!'s Daily 10, Kevin Federline says of his relationship with Britney Spears, "It's been really cordial, you know, thank God. We've had our rough patches, but you know, right now, we're doing great." And concerning the rumors that he'll star in a reality show about him getting back into shape, Kev says, "It would probably be pretty interesting, you know?"
• A reporter asked Nora Ephron if it's possible to achieve real happiness without butter. She replied: "I feel this way, but, you know, there are probably some people who have probably achieved happiness without it. But I feel sorry for them." [The L.A. Times]
• Dame Judi Dench was almost hit by a speeding taxi in London. The driver yelled, "You stupid cunt!" and she replied, " That's Dame Cunt to you!" [Perez Hilton]
• Diane Keaton has spearheaded a campaign to keep a developer from demolishing the Century Plaza Hotel, a curving glass and steel building made in the '60s that Keaton calls, "a sexy woman surrounded by ogling men – Sophia Loren in the 1960s". [The Independent]
• "Who's not Team Edward?" says Jennifer Love Hewitt of Twilight's Edward Cullen, "There is not a girl in the world who's not Team Edward! Have you met girls who are not Team Edward? Well, they are not girls! They're aliens from another planet who should not be allowed to exist... Listen, Edward can fly you through the forest. He's like Aladdin with vampire teeth - there's magic-carpet rides. He can sing. He can watch you sleep. He plays music. He sniffs your neck. I mean, please!" [MTV]

• Katherine Jackson, Michael Jackson's mother, has filed a petition in court seeking legal guardianship of Jackson's three children, but the Jackson family thinks Debbie Rowe may try to get custody of her two children.

• A family source says, "Debbie sent her condolences, and said she was not going to do anything about the kids ... yet. Joe and Katherine think she's going to come after them." [People]
• Katherine Jackson's petition says the kids have, "a long established relationship" with her, but "no relationship with their biological mother." Debbie Rowe is named as the mother of the two oldest children, but in the box next to Prince "Blanket" Michael Jackson II's name under "mother" it says "none." A hearing about the petition is set for August 3. [TMZ]
• In this clip from Today, Jackson family lawyer Londell McMillan says Michael Jackson's children will most likely remain with their grandmother, who currently has custody. [TMZ]
• Katherine and Joe Jackson have filed a petition to probate their son Michael Jackson's estate. They say Michael died without a will and are seeking to take possession of his assets for "for the exclusive use of [his] three children." [People]
• Michael Jackson's longtime lawyer John Branca has a copy of his most current will and intends to file it with the court. The Jackson family hasn't seen a copy. [TMZ]
• Sources say it's looking more and more like Michael Jackson died from a drug overdose. [TMZ]
• A lawyer for Dr. Conrad Murray appeared on Good Morning America this morning and explained that even though CPR is usually performed on a hard surface, it was OK that Murray gave Michael Jackson CPR where he found him because it was a "firm bed." [TMZ]
• As mentioned earlier, reports about findings from Michael Jackson's autopsy were totally fake. The L.A. County coroner released this statement: "The report that is being published did not come from this office. I don't know where the information came from, or who that information came from. It is not accurate. Some of it is totally false." [TMZ]
• OK! paid $500,000 to put the picture of Michael Jackson dying on a stretcher on the cover. The other tabloids supposedly have tribute-style covers coming out on Wednesday. OK! has been losing money and ran the gruesome cover in an attempt to differentiate itself from the other mags. More in Midweek Madness. [Media Week]
• Here are some photos of Michael Jackson rehearsing for his London concerts two days before he died. [TMZ]
• In an interview, Marlon Jackson says his brother Michael wasn't in a wheelchair and was doing well when he saw him last month. Marlon adds that he hasn't been able to get in touch with his mom since Michael's death. "I've been trying to get a hold of my mom. I talked to Jackie. I talked to Tito. They feel the same way. A piece of our hear a piece of us went with him. It was a shock to them, too. I talked to my brother Jackie and he said, 'Marlon, is it true?' I said, 'I'm calling them right now to see if it's true.' That's when I called [Michael's manager] Frank Dileo and I couldn't get to my mom. I talked to him the first time and he was at the house and my mom was in the background crying, and she was just upset... It's like when anyone else loses their family member. It hurts. It hurts right now. It really hurts." [CNN]
• Quincy Jones got emotional at a London nightclub when Will.i.am started playing a tribute to Michael Jackson. "He got very upset when Michael's music came on – at one point his head was in his hands," said a source at the club. "but [Jones] loved the fact that people were going crazy on the dancefloor. Quincy seemed genuinely touched." [People]
• Jack Tweed says Michael Jackson called his late wife Jade Goody while she was dying of cancer. "He wanted to speak to Jade but Jade wasn't well enough to speak to him so I had to phone him," Tweed said. "It was very weird. He just went, 'Hello, Jack, this is Michael Jackson. Just giving his love for Jade really, and he wanted Jade to see him in his concerts in the O2." [The Sun]
• Diane Keaton hit her head while filming Morning Glory in New York had to be removed by stretcher. A studio rep says she was, "taken to a hospital for precautionary tests and has been cleared to return to work tomorrow." Keaton was wearing a sumo wrestler costume for a scene in the film when she was injured. [TMZ]
• The medical examiner who performed Billy Mays' autopsy says there was no connection between his death and the head injury he suffered during a rough plane landing. The autopsy showed "hypertensive and arteriosclerotic disease of the heart" — which means he probably died of a heart attack in his sleep. The official cause of death will be announced after test results come in. [TMZAP]
• Here's an in-depth legal explanation of Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce papers. Basically, they followed standard procedure for a no-fault divorce. [People]
• Tonight's episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will feature a retrospective of the Gosselin's 10 year marriage, then the show will go on hiatus until August 3. They have posted a statement on their website saying, "During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many. Thank you." [People]
• Among the shows picked up by VH1 are three new series starring Salt n Pepa's Sandra "Pepa" Denton, TLC's Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, and I Love NY participant Frank "the Entertainer" Moresco. New seasons of Celebrity Fit Club and Sober House With Dr. Drew were also picked up. [Variety]
• Drea de Matteo of The Sopranos will join the cast of Desperate Housewives as the matriarch of a new Italian family on the show. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay have signed a deal to stay on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit for the next two years. Also, Christine Lahti will guest star in the first four episodes next season and former regular Stephanie March will be back starting with episode five. [Variety]
• Sean Connery is annoyed because 300 BBC employees were sent to cover the music festival in Glastonbury this weekend, but none were sent to the Edinburgh International Film Festival, which he sponsors. Conncery said, "Not one (BBC technician) at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. It affects us all, it certainly affects me, and I think we should do something about it." [The Daily Express]
• Jordan says she isn't dating any of the men she's been seen out with since breaking up with Peter Andre. "Yes I've been seen with Anthony Lowther, and yes I've been seen with my ex Matt Peacock," she said. "There's nothing going on with either of them, it's just speculating like usual. What you have to remember is that Pete left me at the end of the day, but I don't want to go down that road." [The Sun]
• French filmmaker Luc Besson's movie company €was fined $140,580 for the death of a cameraman who was hit by a car during a 1999 stunt shoot for Taxi 2. The head stunt director was given a six-month suspended prison sentence. [Yahoo]
• Hayden Panettiere says, "My biggest crush was in the second grade on this kid named Mike. He was really good at kickball." Things didn't work out because Mike had a crush on her best friend and, "I was jealous, so I told her that he told me that he had a crush on both of us. So it made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing." [E!]
• Gene Simmons says Adam Lambert, "killed his career because now the conversation is not about his talent but about his sexual preference. He's done. I hope I'm completely wrong. I hope he becomes the next Beatles and proves me wrong." [Fox 23]
• New York Magazine asked Michael Urie of Ugly Betty if he thinks saying, "I'm Gay," would stop him from getting roles. He replied: "That's not really the point. By using publicity to say something like that, it could become a person's M.O, and I'm not interested in that. I really think this article should be about [his new play] The Temperamentals. I understand where you're coming from and why you think this is important and that this is a play about being true to yourself. But artists and activists are not quite the same thing, and I feel like support can come from lots of different ways... I don't think it's really newsworthy if the gay guy from Ugly Betty is gay or not." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Emma Watson says she didn't know that she had a £10 million fortune until she turned 18 last year. "My dad never told me how much money I was earning," she said, "Then, when I hit 18, he was like, 'I want you to understand that your money isn't some kind of abstract concept. I want you to have a feel for what it's worth and what you can do with it." [The Mirror]
• Abigail Breslin makes about $2 million per movie now, but she only saw a $1 pay raise. "I get $13 [a week] now, because I'm 13," she said. "My chores have gotten a little heavier. My brother used to always to feed the cat and now I feed the cat, which isn't a big deal, but it kind of is, because my cat eats tons. It's like an all-day long cycle." [People]

[New York, May 27. Image via WENN]

• Samantha Ronson's family is seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and confirming some of the troubling rumors about Lindsay's habits.

• Samantha's mom, Ann Dexter-Jones says Lindsay "was doing drugs" in her hotel room at Chateau Marmont this weekend. "She cuts herself too," Ann continued. "She is a cutter!" Sister Charlotte Ronson complained about Lindsay trying to get into her party and followed the family to the hotel and booked the room below them. "She does these things to get attention," said Charlotte. [OK]
• Sources say Lindsay is "devastated" about the restraining order. She has been crying uncontrollably and people close to her say they're worried she "might lash out." [TMZ]
• Lindsay tried to deal by doing what any young woman would do after a breakup: Going out clubbing with her mom. [Perez Hilton]
• Samantha Ronson went to Las Vegas alone for a DJ set last night. If you don't believe they are broken up, TMZ has provided riveting video of Sam walking alone. [TMZ]
• But, a source insists Ronson and Lohan "are totally communicating. [People]
• Looks like Jessica Simpson's record label wasn't too happy about her forgetting the lyrics to her songs - she's been dropped. [Perez Hilton]
• Jessica Simpson's rep confirms that she is no longer on country label Sony Nashville, but says she's still with Epic, the record company she released her pop albums with. "She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album," says her rep, adding that Jess "is and has always been an Epic artist. She continues to be on Epic's label."[People]
• When Rihanna's dad heard that Chris Brown pled guilty in court, he said "needs to stop being in denial" about what he did. "So what happened? Somebody else did this to Rihanna then?" said Ronald Fenty. "I just would like to see justice go in the right direction." [Us]
• Coldplay has filed court papers denying guitarist Joe Satriani's claim that they plagiarized one of his songs to create "Viva la Vida." They say Satriani's song "lacks originality" so it's not eligible for copyright protection and that any similarity is coincidental. [E!]
• Aspiring singer Leighton Meester has leaked a new song Heidi Montag-style. You can listen to Blair Bear's singing voice here: [Perez Hilton]
• As mentioned earlier, Nadya Suleman has a reality show in the works that will focus on her octuplets and "will also be following Nadya Suleman as she attempts to find a person to have a relationship with." There's still no word on what network will pick up the warped reality show. [Perez Hilton]
• Howard K. Stern and psychologist Khristine Eroshevich were supposed to be arraigned today in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case, but the court date has been postponed to May 13. [TMZ]
• People desperately want Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to be together. If you are one of them, check out this intricate analysis of what time each left a hotel over the weekend. [E!]
• The Pet Shop Boys will release their 10th album, Yes in the U.S. on April 21. "We thought that 'Yes' just kind of summed up the theme of the album. It's a positive, upbeat, euphoric pop album," keyboardist Chris Lowe said. "It's almost an answer to the question, 'Is that the Pet Shop Boys?' 'Yes!'" [CNN]
• "I am often aware of how much harder it is for young women in Hollywood today ... I am so relieved and feel so privileged that I am beyond that." - Julia Roberts. [AFP]
• Charlie Sheen's baby, Max Sheen, has been released from the hospital. The twin was in the hospital for the past three weeks because of issues related to his low birth weight. "Premature babies are often underweight. Max made weight and went home," said Sheen's rep. [People]
• Following his arrest this weekend, Redmond O'Neal, the son of Ryan O'Nealand Farrah Fawcett, was charged with a felony count of drug possession today. [TMZ]
• Farrah Fawcett's doctor says she is expected to leave this hospital in a few days, and that she has been a particularly great patient. "All people who face cancer are brave," says Dr. Lawrence Piro, "but Farrah has been especially brave because she has had to battle two burdens at the same time. One is the burden of cancer. The other is the burden of going through the cancer in a very public way. Throughout, Farrah has used something which is a masterful gift of hers, and that's her humor. And positive thinking." [People]
• Nicholas Cage has sold his German castle. "Due to the difficult economic situation, unfortunately, I was no longer able to keep it," he said. [Yahoo]
• Diane Keaton will star opposite Harrison Ford in a movie about feuding morning news anchors. [Daily Variety]
• Four of the girls expelled from Oprah Winfrey's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa on sexual harassment charges say they were locked in their dorm rooms for days with guards outside before being expelled. One is talking to the tabloids and says, "If they say I was touching other learners, it's true ... No one complained to me about it. Obviously if you touch someone, if they are uncomfortable, they will tell you." [Perez Hilton]
• Drew Barrymore says she didn't lose weight while filming Grey Gardens intentionally. "I got really thin while I was making the movie because I was so fraught with anxiety," said Barrymore. "I couldn't eat for a while." [E!]
• Drew also says that she wants to focus more on dramatic roles now. "I'm in my thirties now, and I really want to try all the things that I haven't gotten to do yet, like directing, and doing a drama," said Drew. "I've produced and gotten to do a lot of optimistic love stories, and that was so where I was at for 10 years in my life. And now I feel like, 'Okay, now I know how to do that. I wanted to get scared again.'" [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having a hard time getting people to sign up for their $900-per-month gym, and now Anderson is holding two classes at a Marriott. [The Observer]
• Julianne Hough is leaving Dancing With The Stars next season. "I wasn't planning to come back this season because I wanted to focus on my music," Hough said. "But I went back and it's been so much fun to dance with my good friend who happens to be my boyfriend." [Fox News]
• Hugh Jackman Tweeted: "Having lunch on the harbor [sic] across from the Opera Center. Loving life!" But the landmark in his hometown of Sydney is actually the Opera House. [The Sydney Morning Herald]
• Sienna Miller is making her Broadway debut this fall in the play "After Miss Julie." She says: "I'm scared obviously but really excited ... If you want to be an actress you think about opening on Broadway." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian may be the butt of Eminem's jokes, but she says she doesn't mind. "I just saw Eminem's new video for "We Made You" and he totally spoofs me!!" Kardashian wrote on her blog. "It was a total surprise to me because I had no idea he was going to talk about me in the song ... I think this video is so funny! I am a huge Eminem fan and find it flattering that he would rap about me ... He's a bit harsh about some other celebrities, but you just have to let it go and have a sense of humor." [People]

• Following Chris Brown's arrest for making criminal threats (possibly to Rihanna), his commercials for Doublemint gum have been pulled from the air. He's also hired a lawyer known for some very high profile cases.

• Brown hired attorney Mark Geragos, best known for defending convicted murderer Scott Peterson, Winona Ryder after her 2001 shoplifting arrest, and Michael Jackson during his child molestation trial. Wrigley's gum has issued a statement saying they are "concerned by the serious allegations made against Chris Brown" and are suspending their ads until the charges are cleared. [People, Extra]
• Rihanna's rep issued a statement saying, "Rihanna is well. Thank you for concern and support." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Tameka Raymond, Usher's wife, is now in stable condition after suffering complications during "routine" surgery in Brazil, according to her rep. [People]
• Travis Barker says he left the hospital too soon after surviving a fatal LearJet crash. "I kind of rushed out of the hospital and my hand was numb, but I didn't tell anybody," he said. "I just wanted to get out." He has now had surgery to repair the nerve damage and will be in recovery for another 8 to 10 weeks. [Extra]
• An insider claims that the reason Kate Hudson is trapped in romantic comedy hell is that she doesn't pick her own projects. Decisions are made by her team of agents managers, and boyfriends-du-jour. "They choose what they think is best for her, "says the source. "They've made a lot of wrong decisions." [E!]
• Also, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: back on. Does that mean he gets a say in her career again? [People]
• Over the weekend Peaches Geldof announced her divorce from Max Drummey. Now sources reveal that she has been dating the Virgins frontman Donald Cumming for weeks and "couldn't care less about Max." [The Daily Mail]
• Is this video of Michael Cera flipping out on the set of his new movie real, or an homage to Christian Bale? Either way, there is something deeply unsettling about seeing George Michael act like such a brat. [Perez Hilton]
• The lawyer in Jodie Sweetin's custody case ordered drug tests for Sweetin and her estranged husband. Both are drug free. [People]
• Apparently Katy Perry's family provided some not-so-flattering childhood photos of her to CBS. In retaliation, she posted an unflattering picture of her red-haired sister on her blog, writing, "Wow. look at that tender mess. We're sorry all the gingers are going extinct. We salute you for you braveness of being a ginge." [The Daily Express]
• Denise Richards says of being a contestant on the new season of Dancing With The Stars, "All I hope is that I don't embarrass my girls!" It may be a little late for that. [People]
• Medical professionals were shocked by Oprah's endorsement of Suzanne Somers' theories on horomone replacement therapy on a recent show. Says one doctor: "Oprah is the most influential woman in the world, and I don't think she comprehends the amount of damage she has done to women's health. I came away feeling like Oprah really didn't understand the issue. Personally, I feel like she has set us back 100 years." [Newsweek]
• Two months after his arrest for drunk driving, Charles Barkley has finally admitted that he was wrong, saying, "It was stupid, and it was 100 percent my fault.'' [TMZ]
• Halle Berry says of Gabriel Aubry, her boyfriend and father of her daughter Nahla, "I feel more married now than I did in any of my actual marriages. We live the truth of that and that's more important than a piece of paper." [People]
• Woody Harrelson says making a film about the work of U.S. army casualty notification officers has given him more respect and compassion for soldiers. "I've been an outspoken peace activist for good reason. But what was missing from my own philosophy was a real understanding of what these soldiers go through," said Harrelson. [Reuters]
• Steve Harvey's relationship advice book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment has been out for less than two weeks, but has already sold more than half of its initial print run. [The Wall Street Journal]
• Miss Piggy on why she'd never enter politics: "I've considered politics, but frankly I think they've already got way too many divas. And besides, when you're a celebrity of moi's magnitude, anything worth doing is worth having someone else do for you." [Publisher's Weekly]
• Hollywood screenwriters are itching to make a movie about Sarah Palin's clan! Milk writer Dustin Lance Black says he would like to write about Palin because he's "interested in great characters." But The Visitor writer Todd McCarty, says he would focus any movie he makes on the teenager who impregnated Palin's 17-year-old daughter Bristol, saying, "there's a dark comedy there somewhere." [The Daily Express]
• "My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts, like my skin and hair. She says, "I can see you, because you have no pants on." So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me." - Lady GaGa [Perez Hilton]

To read more about the clips on the list, and to see longer versions, click the links.

10.) Oprah Teaches Us How To Smile With Our Vajayjays

9.) What Exactly Is Wrong With Gary Coleman?

8.) Martha Stewart & Jane Goodall's Goofy Gorilla Greetings Sound Like Crazy Sex

7.) Girl After Our Own Drunken, Period-Sexed Hearts Crashes Tyra

6.) Tyra's "Modelville": Sore Loser Fails To Escape From The Set

5.) Was Kathleen Turner Soused On Martha Stewart?

4.) Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen Are The Most Boring Guests Oprah Has Ever Interviewed

3.) Father Gives Daughter Bikini Waxes, Rides To Work At A Brothel

2.) Diane Keaton Drops The F-Bomb On Good Morning America

1.) Maury Povitch Tortures Woman With Painful Cotton Ball Phobia

[Los Angeles, December 5. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, March 27. Image via x17]

MOE: I've really been thinking hard about how losing weight could stave off a foot amputation
MEGAN: HAHAHA
MOE:Maybe this is a big problem in the other America I've been hearing about. People get so fat, they lose their immune system, but only in their feet, and they can't feel it when the flesh eating bacteria start eating away at them because they are so sedentary and so lazy on top of being sedentary that they never peel off their socks to see what's down there. I am that lazy.
MEGAN: indeed
Also, i worked on a conference at APEC. there's no really good evidence that preventative care saves money. the theory is that it staves off morbidity, which it does, and reduced the amount of end-of-life car. but in a society that lets you retire at 65, it ends up costing the economy, actually
so, barack's argument that it's a moral responsibility is better
and what he just said it correct about electronic medical records

MOE:That's a really good point. New York City supposedly has a higher lifespan than the rest of the country, which I attribute almost wholly to the fact that no one except me seems to have a sedentary lifestyle here because it's definitely not the higher rates of smoking, drinking and the contagious diseases they ought to be exposed to, but the insurance premiums here have got to be the highest in the country...anyway, that's gotta be what Brandy's talking about right now, yeah?

MEGAN: they are. also, there are some crazy reasons for that. like, that the state government requires that every person in a state-regulated insurance plan must be covered for tubal ligation reversal

MOE:But over the long run preventative care will be a cost saver, because people are, realistically, going to stop retiring at 65. I actually think the tremendous amount of paranoia our generation has about aging — how to age smart, how to keep your brain from deteriorating, the importance of exercise etc. etc. — will make us better, thriftier agers. I could be wrong though.
My own parents, after dealing with their parents, have mercifully promised to shoot themselves the minute they show symptoms of dementia.

MEGAN: Ha. Well, that's one way.
I mean, there's a real question of whether eliminating preventable disease actually reduced health care costs. like, it obviously reduces early death (function of government?) but, if you live longer, are you, in the ender, sicker less? i mean, we used to think that smokers weren't a drain on the system because they died earlier/faster, but that's untrue. so, don't sell me on preventative care because it "saves" money. sell me on it because it's why i pay fucking taxes.

MOE:Obama just did something kind of genius there
MEGAN: totally
MOE:Where he was like "Look, the only reason I am bringing up the fact that you've talked out of both sides of your mouth there is to point out that it's a difficult issue politically..."
MEGAN: is every fucking actor in hollywood in that audience?
HAHAHA, the democratic debates are brought to you by the coal companies!!
MOE:Subtext: that is not something that Miss Points Scorer here would acknowledge to y'all....
MEGAN: she got a little of her own, but she needs to watch herself be smug on camera and then not do it anymore. she needs tyra

MOE:oooh commercial break! fun fact: I have three of those environmentally friendly lightbulbs they're advertising at use in my house. I got them for free at a taping of Martha Stewart featuring BILL CLINTON. I went with Jennie. Jennie went crazy.
MEGAN: i bought one at ikea. it gave me a headache
MOE:I think I would like HIllary a lot more if she looked like she was actually listening to him as opposed to smirking contemptuously. He's very good with the writing down notes while she's talking thing.
MEGAN: Whoa, great start to the answer on that dynasty thing... but then she was like, no one has an advantage? Please.
MEGAN: like, i was really impressed when i started typing
AND NOW SHE'S CITING HER HUSBAND'S ACHIEVEMENTS. and i really wanted to like that answer
MOE: I'm surprised she knocked GHWB. For one thing, they didn't...uh...really "clean up." I mean, Bill didn't even have to change Fed chairmen! But it was also funny after Bill promised to send GHWB out as a goodwill ambassador the day she gets elected or whatever.
MEGAN: ha, yes, that was bad
MOE:But anyway, she just sort of conflicted herself. You know what she should have done?
MEGAN: she should've stuck the the spirit of her first 30 seconds?
and not gone for the easy applause line?
MOE:She should have said, "It is a shame, but George W. Bush was nothing like his father, and I think history will agree that he fell drastically short of him. I, on the other hand, intend to be an even better president than my husband."
MEGAN: that would've been awesome
MOE:Yeah, it really would have. And I'd sit up, and I'd fucking believe it, too, because she doesn't get carried away. Reading that story today about his little jaunt to Kazakhstan was like...whooooah dude. You really do not think beyond the moment.
Did you read that story?
MEGAN: no, i was a little occupied.
MOE:Ughhhhhh.
"Senator Clinton, that was a swipe at you." "Really?"
MEGAN: Maxine Waters is the Congresswoman for a good part of actual Hollywood, btw
MOE:Right i think I voted for her once
MEGAN: i applied for a job with her, and she never returned my call
MOE: Topher Grace
God imagine the AFTERPARTIES
MOE:oh my GOD Obama tells the girls they'll get a dog if he wins
HOW COULD YOU VOTE AGAINST HIM TUESEDAY
MEGAN: Those little girls do need a puppy
MOE:THE GIRLS NEED THEIR DOG
it would be stinky and snore-y just like daddy!
MEGAN: i wanna puppy. if barack promises me a puppy, i'll vote for him
dude, barry looks like he's falling asleep right now i felt the same way
MOE:Oh man. He really does.
I should send them some adderall. Can't one of his kids get a prescription?

MEGAN: look at the blinking!! he's a bored as the rest of us!!
MOE:This is a reeeeeeally civil debate. And civil = boring. GOP debates are sooooo much funner.
MEGAN: sadly
wolf just called hills naive though
MOE:One thing I appreciate about the debates is new commercials. I can't decide which regular CNN commercials are more annoying. There's the Macbook Air commercial, the New York Times weekender commercial, this commercial for... an insurance company or something that has this whiney song that sounds like it's by Sarah MacLachlan... oh yeah, and the fucking JUNO commercial that never ceases. Are the old folks who watch CNN all day really interested in seeing Juno like seven times? Bc otherwise I don't geti t.

MEGAN: fuck, watched fox news all week. every commercial break has an "invest in gold" commercial
MOE:Aaaah the HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"if you can't control your husband now, what about when you're in office" HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
MEGAN: her laugh isn't so bad
MOE:It's just still really forced and GRATUITOUS.
MEGAN: hillary is proud of her spouse?
wait, Josh from the West Wing? Fran Drescher?
MOE:Oooooh, Fran Drescher? There's no picture of her. But I'm saving a pic of West Wing dude who is married to Jane Kazmarek from Malcolm In The Middle and naming it westwingdude.jpg.
Anyway, dear Hillary, this is the part where you say: "Look, my husband. I've been with him eighty years or whatever. He goes off sometimes. He's a man. I tend to be more careful when I speak. We're different people. But we've made each other better over time and that will only continue."
She could use a little Michelle coaching.
MEGAN: Please, Hillary doesn't want any more Yes-people in the White House? Is she not going to hire everyone in her Senate office or on her campaign staff?

MOE:Hahaha I just went to Perez Hilton to see if he had any JUICY CELEB DEBATE pix up. And he has a post that says "Are you watching the debate? Click for a recap here" And I was sooooo hoping to click for the Perez liveblog, but it was just a boring CNN story.

MEGAN: awwww
ooh, ooh, chelsea's dress!! so cute!
MOE:SHIT. I missed it.
describe!
MEGAN: it was a navy blue shirt dress, probs cotton, with big buttons, a-line skirt
MOE:there's a pic on the AP
MEGAN: it's cute, right? also, i love her colorist. props to her colorist
MOE:i need an appointment with her colorist. I have $400 from the stimulus package!
MOE:So Bill Bennett declared victory for Hillary. I didn't see that? Is it my mulatto-colored glasses??
MEGAN: Or it's Bill Bennett?
MOE:Aaaaaaah sick premature infant what is this???? Turning off the CNN.
MEGAN: gah!
Yes
MOE:Obviously I am just using my racism as an excuse for my misogyny, but is it working?
MEGAN: oh, i dunno. i've had a bottle of wine i know that you're kidding
MOE:Good, that's good you know that I'm kidding. I have to stop watching this sickly infant program.
MEGAN: STOP! the daily show is on!
MOE:AAAAAAAAH

• Tyra Banks is taken seriously enough by this country to host Presidential candidates.
  
• But Anna Wintour is not! Also, Tyra would totally win in a cage match.
  
• A photo agency posted pictures of Britney's menses, and we wondered if the paparazzi have gone too far.
  
• They've gone so far that non-celebrities like Heidi Montag grace the covers of multiple magazines, talking about her boob job.
  
• Then we got you to tell us about your implants, which were 10 times more interesting than Heidi's.
  
• But still not as entertaining as Slut Machine's queefs.
  
• Or her long weekend in Vegas!
  
• Or Judy Blume's awesome book containing a ton of embarrassing erections, Then Again, Maybe I Won't.
  
• You know what was also entertaining? When Diane Keaton said the F-word on national television.
  
• So grab some Rachael Ray endorsed Dunkin' Donuts coffee, crack open a bag of dainty 100 calorie snacks, and go watch the darling Katie Heigl in the resoundingly shitty 27 Dresses. You're worth it!

They're promoting their movie Mad Money at the opening bell of the Nasdaq market site. Do they really want to risk the moviegoing public getting it confused with Jim Cramer's insane call-in show Mad Money? Is it that bad? I guess it must be if they're promoting it at the Nasdaq market site, where the "opening bell" is sorta stupid since, in contrast to the New York Stock Exchange, no traders are actually there.

[January 16, New York. Images via AP.]

• The law firm of Trope & Trope is trying to drop Britney Spears as a client, citing a breakdown in communication. The attorneys had been representing Brit in her child-custody battle against ex-husband Kevin Federline; her previous team of lawyers quit in the fall. Brit needs representation! Any takers? [Page Six]
  
• By the by, Brit didn't show up for a deposition yesterday — for the fifth time. [TMZ]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's been asking friends for money? We've heard this one before, which makes us inclined to believe it's true. Plus: The quit-smoking lozenge people whose product she carries around deny they're paying her, but they are. Huh. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Meanwhile, Dina Lohan is so pissed that LL's ex Riley Giles sold his story to a UK tabloid that she called his mother and accused her of poor parenting. Hello, pot? This is the kettle. You're black. [Gatecrasher]

• Madonna is on vacation in India this week: She is touring Rajasthan and celebrated the new year in a village near Jodhpur with hubby Guy Ritchie, her kids and a couple of friends. Expect sitar on her next track. [Times Of India]
• "I was always a little bit afraid of men." — Diane Keaton, whom the jerks at the NY Post dare to call a "spinster." [Page Six]
• Did Joshua "Pacey" Jackson pull a diva move on New Year's Eve, trying to boot a table full of people so that he and Diane Kruger could be alone? [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which still-young-but-past-his-prime TV star has been trying to ditch his actress fiancee? He already made her terminate a pregnancy when she was just 17." [Gatecrasher]
• Time flies! Elisabeth Hasselbeck is returning to the view on Monday, sigh. [People]
• MTV has ordered another season of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. Let the bisexual games begin! [People]
• Beyoncé beat Kanye West at Connect Four nine times in a row. Pretty sneaky, sis! [Just Jared]
• Volleyball star Gabrielle Reece and surfer Laird Hamilton gave birth to a son on New Year's Day; the kid is not named Beach, as one might assume. It's Brody Jo Hamilton. [People]
• When Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes go out, he has his security people hand $100 bills to anyone who helps him and wife — even if it's just a dude opening a door. Classy! [MSNBC]
• Russell Crowe is heading the anti-gambling movement in Australia; protesting against video poker machines. Are you not entertained?! [Reuters]
• Two of The Spice Girls are admitting they had bulimia at the height of their success. And Posh isn't one of them! [Mirror]

[Beverly Hills, November 21. Image via Flynet]

[Brentwood, California; September 30. Image via Flynet]

[Los Angeles, CA; Sept. 25. Image via x17.]

[Brentwood, September 6. Image via Flynet]

[Beverly Hills, August 28. Image via Flynet]