If diamonds are a girl's best friend, this giant rock auctioned off in Hong Kong today is… what? Life partner? Champion? Soul mate?

"Cut, color, cure, consistency: These are the four factors of the Oscar Mayer original strip. When it's time for the ultimate expression of love, say it on a plate." Get rid of just a few words in that copy and you're basically listening to someone try to shill you some shiny rocks. But no, it's Oscar Mayer (via some…

When Miriam Tucker attended a fundraiser luncheon celebrating the Tampa Women's Club 65th year, she didn't expect that it all might end in a colonoscopy. Life is full of shitty, yet amazing, surprises.

I don't know about you but I barely made it through Blood Diamond. The 2006 Leo-helmed torture-porn about diamond runners during the Sierra Leone Civil War really fucked me up. After sobbing through most of the movie, I cursed my greedy western brethren, and vowed to never, ever wear a conflict diamond. However, in…

Move over, Jennifer Aniston's stupid finger-boulder! There's a new obscenely large diamond thingy in town! According to science, there is a great big planet out in space that is kind of named canker sore, and is also MADE OF SPARKLING DIAMONDS. Ladies, I hope you have your spit-up towels handy, because you've got some…

Laaaaaaadies! How about diamonds, amirite? Diamonds!!! I know we all think we love diamonds because we're ladies and they're diamonds and they're sparkly and we're hypnotized by shiny objects (actually, my husband proposed by flashing the back of a Coldplay CD at me!). But, as it turns out, we didn't always have such…

Kind of. Scientists have discovered that the shiny wings of the diamond weevil are full of crystals made of chitin in a structure much like actual diamonds. Unfortunately, bug engagement rings may be a ways off — says biophysicist Bodo Wilts, "Materials scientists could look to these scales to inspire new materials,…

A global advocacy group called Global Witness has recused itself from a coalition that aims to eliminate the flow of blood diamonds into the global marketplace, saying the safeguards that have been put in place aren't preventing tainted conflict gems from being bought by consumers. I guess diamonds are maybe more like…

Daphne Guinness's current fashion exhibit at the Museum at FIT has drawn the ire of peace groups including Code Pink and Jewish Voice for Peace because of the show's principal sponsor, one Lev Leviev. Leviev is a Soviet-born Israeli diamond magnate and real-estate speculator with a reported personal fortune of $1.5…

After your marriage ends, you may be in a celebratory mood or want to mark the milestone by buying yourself a piece of jewelry. Yet, we're still mystified by the existence of of Spritzer and Furman's $3,200 "Divorce Ring." Even if you feel like a sparkly diamond rising phoenix-like from a broken marriage, why would…

Although we'd always naturally assumed that wearing underwear made out of metal and precious gems would be totally comfortable, Selita Ebanks says that is most emphatically not the case. Ebanks, who wore the Magical Diamond Bra And Panty Set Of Destiny in the 2007 Victoria's Secret fashion show, says that the stones…

Astronomers have spotted a planet that appears to be made of a diamond orbiting around a tiny star. The planet, which is 4,000 light years away, is denser than any other known and is made of mostly carbon. It's believed that the carbon is in a crystalline pattern, making the planet a diamond. It's truly a fascinating…

We thought vajazzling was the final frontier of making body parts sparkle, but we were wrong. India's Shekhar Eye Research Center has developed gold-plated, diamond-encrusted contact lenses that sell for $15,000. Creator Dr. Chandrashekhar Chawan says he came up with the idea after his wife had diamonds implanted in…

Tiffany & Co. has started a new campaign, which includes a new website, What Makes Love True, and a short film called Will You Marry Me, "presented" by Edward Burns. It's an incredibly charming clip, very romantic and very well done. One could almost forget that it's all part of a carefully orchestrated plot to…

The hourglass Simmons keeps in her wardrobe is filled with "over 5000 little diamonds. And they're real." ("Over 5000 cubic zirconias" doesn't have the same ring.) This, her "satellite closet," she warns is only "a smaller version of the Mothership."

A diamond dealer who had $46 million burning a hole in his pocket has since replaced that with a rare 24.78 karat "fancy intense pink" diamond. Coming soon to a Lopez finger near you!

• Precocious-in-the-bad-way tween "designer" Cecilia Cassini, who sells $500 dresses, says she took "like, three" sewing classes, but quit because her teacher was "like, rude." We have a feeling one day soon Cassini will be horribly embarrassed of all this.

Last month's icky earring-removal story prompted the grossest stories you'll ever read. But we also received a message from a woman who had worked in the jewelry industry, and was not surprised about the hair-clog earring. She'd seen worse.

One day — maybe when I turned 30? — my mother gave me diamond studs. "I don't want them anymore," she said. "But don't lose them." I tighten the screw-backed earrings often, out of anxiety. But something went wrong.

[New York, September 6. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]