#10: "8 Days Of Christmas" By Destiny's Child
Year: 2001

If you're a female pop star making a Christmas video, you really have no choice but to wear a sexy Santa costume, so let's ignore the fact that Michelle is frolicking in the snow in a midriff-baring top. Like many Destiny's Child songs, "8 Days of Christmas" focuses on the exchange of goods and services between you and your "baby." While some say Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones, according to Destiny's Child. nothing "feels like Christmas" more than gift certificates, diamond belly rings, and a "crop jacket with dirty denim jeans."

#9: "Christmas in Hollis" By Run-DMC
Year: 1987

Most of the videos on this list are unintentionally ridiculous, but here Run-DMC purposely turns cheesiness into a thing of beauty. In this video we learn that Santa's base of operations is in the basement of a TV studio, he decides who's naughty or nice on a modified Simon Says, and that Run, DMC, and Jay grew up in a house constructed entirely out of cardboard.

#8: "Where Are You Christmas" By Faith Hill
Year: 2000

In this video from the How The Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack, Faith Hill belts out a holiday power ballad while sporting crimped hair and a furry jacket that makes her look like the Abominable Snow Monster. Faith's howling and fist pounding really capture the pathos of Jim Carrey being trapped in a giant rubber Grinch suit. The video includes a cameo by Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen, but it would be much more entertaining if the Grinch took the red straps from Faith's giant belt and made her pull his sleigh instead of the dog.

#7: "This Christmas" By Chris Brown
Year: 2007

Even if you forget everything you know about Chris Brown, this video is still horrifying. Unless the movie This Christmas is about Chris harnessing his Jedi powers, there's no reason for him to be turning on lights or breaking into people's houses with his mind. Plus, the last thing anyone wants to wake up to on Christmas morning is three Chris Browns doing a Michael Jackson impersonation in the middle of their street.

#6: "Wonderful Christmas Time" By Paul McCartney
Year: 1979

Paul and Linda McCartney look like they're having fun in this video, but why does their simply wonderful Christmas time include them crashing to Earth in a giant Rubik's Cube? This video must have been created the week after the editor figured out how to do computer animation — that's the only reasonable explanation for Paul singing a duet with his CGI twin and allowing his band to be trampled by a pack of phantom horses.

#5: "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" By David Bowie and Bing Crosby
Year: 1977

Though this duet was filmed for Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas, for some reason David Bowie gets an original song while Bing Crosby is stuck with the "pa rum pa pum pum"s on Little Drummer Boy. But what makes this video cheesy isn't the song, it's the setup. Are we really supposed to believe that Bing has a relative named "Sir Percival"? And why doesn't David Bowie own his own piano? At least one part rings true: If we had to pick the two stars most likely to break into song with a perfect stranger, it would be Bing and Bowie.

#4: "Little Drummer Boy" By RuPaul
Year: 1993

Bing and Bowie have nothing on RuPaul's version of "Little Drummer Boy," which features a beggar drumming a funky beat, lady shepherds singing backup, and the Star of Bethlehem wedged in a foot-high wig. The best part is when RuPaul struts over to Baby Jesus, though it seems this part got cut from the gospels.

#3: "Hey Santa" By Carnie & Wendy Wilson
Year: 1993

This video starts with Carnie Wilson getting glass shards from a snow globe blown into her eyes, and grows more unsettling from there. Behind-the-scenes on the most unsafe music video set ever, we see the director getting electrocuted, beating a little person with a candy cane, and throwing Santa into the Christmas tree. Finally, Wendy chokes him and tries to leave his body behind the couch while Carnie continues to whine about Santa bringing her boyfriend home for Christmas. Hey Santa... Watch out, it's a trap!

#2: "Winter Wonderland" By Ozzy Osbourne and Jessica Simpson
Year: 2003

In this video from The Osbournes' Family Christmas Special Jessica Simpson dons her most festive halter top for some yuletide fun with the Prince of Darkness. This includes cuddling by the fire sans Sharon, building an anatomically correct snowman, and Ozzy throwing a snowball in Jess' mouth.

While we don't recommend playing this song when children or small dogs are in earshot, it still isn't Jess' worst Christmas duet ever. That would be the "Little Drummer Boy" sing-off in which she's pitted against her little sister Ashlee Simpson (and Ashlee's old nose).

#1: "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" By 'N Sync
Year: 1998
Being named the cheesiest anything isn't a tall order for 'N Sync, but it seems they went out of their way to embarrass themselves in this video. That's where Gary Coleman comes in. His presence raises so many questions, like where would one buy a child-size green vinyl pimp suit? And how long has he had the ability to summon 'N Sync by snapping his fingers?

In the clip, the boys are given the simple task of filling in for Santa, but due to their love of freak dancing they fail miserably. 'N Sync's green screen adventure begins with them handing out gifts to extras who, judging from the strategically placed dirt smudges, are supposed to be homeless. 'N Sync projects holiday greetings on the wall in several languages, since the boys think most bums are ethnic-types. After deserting their homeless brethren and changing into clothes that are three sizes too big, 'N Sync happens upon a group of children abandoned in their living room and brings them to an adult party as their kiddie entourage. It's particularly troubling when you consider what type of gift Justin Timberlake likes to put in those boxes.

• Ian Halperin, who is pushing his book, Brangelina : The Untold Story, claims that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston had a "heated confrontation" at a deserted Hollywood restaurant after Brad and Jen's 2006 divorce. Halperin says:

"Jen was upset and shouted at Angelina . . . There was an altercation, it got pretty heated . . . It reduced Jen to tears." Um, he also claims that before meeting Brad, Angelina was "interested" in other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." But for business reasons, no? Anyway: Grain of salt. [Page Six]

• Dumb/untrue headline of the day: "Only Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Would Take An Eight-Year-Old To See A Film About Nelson Mandela." [Daily Mail]
• Roman Polanski began his house arrest in an Alpine chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad today. [AP]
• Miley Cyrus's tattoo allegedly says "Just Breathe," but the rumor that she got her boyfriend's name inked probably started since she dated a dude named Justin. Just, Justin. Just saying. [Daily Mail]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: So back on? Or just friends? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say that the reason Rachel Uchitel canceled her press conference about Tiger Woods is because Tiger gave her $1 million. [MSNBC]
• TMZ says Tiger didn't pay Rachel, but that she canceled her press conference because she was "scared for her safety" and fears"all the other people caught in what is becoming a very large net." What the hell does that mean? [TMZ]
• According to a report, Tiger Woods' mom and mother-in-law were at his house the night of the incident and came outside after the cops showed up, with Tiger's mom asking, "What happened?" [USA Today}
• "Sources say Bryon Bell, a childhood friend and President of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia in mid-November to secretly spend time with Tiger. The ticket was purchased by Bell using a credit card. He also booked a room for Uchitel at the Crown Towers Hotel in Melbourne." The trip, of course, was booked to coincide with the Australian Masters, which Tiger won. [TMZ]
• TMZ has emails between Byron Bell and Rachel Uchitel. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods is allegedly offering his wife Elin $80 million to stay for seven years in a revised prenup. Worth it? [NY Daily News]
• Destiny's Child is reuniting — in court for a lawsuit over the song "Cater 2 U." A source says: "Matthew [Knowles] has a long history of trying to get songwriters to add Beyoncé's name to songs she didn't compose, just so she gets publishing royalties." Kelly Rowland is pissed, apparently, that she is even involved. [Gatecrasher]
• The usually conservatively dressed Taylor Swift wears a bikini in a new video clip. [NY Daily News]
• WTF headline of the day: "Kim Kardashian: I'm Back to My Ninth-Grade Weight." Next goal: 3rd grade! Then sexy as a fetus! [E!]
• This picture of some of the kids from Glee about to sing in Bryant Park = awesome. [Gatecrasher]
• Hollywood kids in love! Patrick Schwarzenegger is seeing Tallulah Willis. [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell went to Art Basel in Miami and a source says: "She was pretty rude, didn't bid on anything, and spent the whole time clinging to her boyfriend. Who shows up to a charity event with a bodyguard?" Is she obligated to bid on anything? What if the bodyguard was for her wealthy Russian beau? This story reeks of sour grapes. [Page Six]
• Rihanna told some radio station DJs that she likes a tall guy with a big dick. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• In an unrelated incident, Rihanna was the subject of a random search at LAX. [NY Post]
• The other Real Housewives of NYC don't like new housewife Sonja Morgan. "I had never watched the show before I joined, " she says. "If I had, I probably wouldn't be on it." [Gatecrasher]
• It's Britney's birthday! Celebrate with this "28 Years In 28 Pictures" column. [Pop Wrap]
• Busta Rhymes was fined $75,000 because a man claims he was assaulted by the rapper at a concert. [NY Post]
• Steve-O has been clean and sober and criminal violation-free for 18 months, earning him dismissal of a cocaine-possession charge. [E!]
• "There's 16 different licenses that I do; I do acting, music and TV. It's a lot of fun, so right now we're creating some different TV shows which I'm going to star in as well as produce and I'm just finishing up my new album." — Paris Hilton has a new perfume and a bunch of other projects and she is not going away. [Mirror]
• "It's hard for me. My wife passed away seven months ago and I don't want to think about the afterlife. I don't believe in that sort of thing. It'd be nice, if it were there. Woody Allen has that great quote where he says he doesn't believe in an afterlife, although he's bringing a change of underwear. That's how I feel." — Stanley Tucci, who plays a pedophile in The Lovely Bones, which deals with life after death, in a way. He shot Julie & Julia afterward, and says: "That film was the antidote to this one, and was exactly what I needed to do. I stayed at home, worked with Meryl, laughed a ton and made martinis every night. We're like two children together and laugh all the time, which is why we get along so well." [WSJ]
• "Of course, we feel like for us to put out an album titled Greatest Hits would maybe insinuate that we've got nothing left. I look at it as the end of Chapter 1—the first 15 years. I never thought we would last more than two albums. It wasn't meant to be a band. I would've called it something else if it were meant to be a band. Something other than Foo Fighters, I swear." — More great quotes from Dave Grohl at the link. [Time]
• "I'm getting my child a mortgage. She split time between New York and L.A. growing up, but she's a New Yorker. It's a house in the West Village, which is all she wants in life." — Courtney Love is giving Frances Bean property for Christmas. [Style.com]
• "There were a ton of paparazzi in the café with their huge cameras and laptops. I was like, 'Peter, oh my god, they are so into us. They're swarming us. We are so important.' It turns out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were living on that street. It was the winter, so the photographers would go into the café to download their pictures."— earlier this year, Maggie Gyllenhaal thought she and Peter Sarsgaard were the toast of New York. [E!]
• "I feel the consequences of that every day. I was going to put the hose in the most noxious of the cars I own, a Jeep, take some sleeping pills and take a nice nap in the front seat of my car in the garage." — Alec Baldwin, on calling his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig" in a voicemail. [Daily Express via Men's Journal]
• "It's been amazing [to have twin daughters] but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about… One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues. It is the eternal conflict of every working woman. I've done this to myself. And I have a wonderful, wonderful nanny who allows me to be a working person. The great challenge for me is to be all things to all people; I want to be a great mother, and I want to feel good when I'm at work. But it is hard." — Sarah Jessica Parker regrets filming Sex And The City Part Deux. [NY Daily News via Glamour]

• Lindsay Lohan is considering posing for Playboy. Sources say she originally turned down an offer for half a million dollars, so Playboy increased it to $900,000 and she's reconsidering. Hasn't the world seen enough semi-nude Linds already? [Perez Hilton]

• Halle Berry is three months pregnant with her second child, according to a source who says, "Halle is overjoyed... The first time, she struggled so much to get pregnant and eventually conceived through in vitro fertilization. This time, the baby was conceived through artificial insemination." [Life & Style]
• DJ AM's manager and rehab sponsor had realized he was using drugs again and confronted him in his apartment on the day he died. He agreed to enter rehab after a gig in Las Vegas, but he OD'd that night. [N.Y. Post]
• Hayley Wood, DJ AM's girlfriend of almost a year says, "Any indication that this horribly tragic accident happened because of a rumored breakup is not only untrue but disgusting. We were very much together at the time of his passing, and I love him very much." [Us]
• DJ AM's body has been flown back to L.A. for his funeral. [Radar Online]
• Police say Ryan Jenkins didn't leave a suicide note. [TMZ]
• An Australian teenager is blaming Miley Cyrus for ending her relationship with Liam Hemsworth, who Miley was seen kissing in an airport. She posted on her Facebook page, "Liam and I have been inseparable since school. But it's Miley Cyrus! How can I compete?" [Daily Express]
• In the video at the link Miley Cyrus cleans out her closet with her friend Mandy Jiroux. She throws a bunch of unused clutch purses on the floor and says "Maybe I'll give it to someone for Christmas. I'm cheap." and tosses a the tank top she wore when she met Johnny Depp at Mandy saying, "You can have that. I've worn it a lot." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Nicole Kidman hasn't been seen with Connor and Isabella, the children she adopted with Tom Cruise, since May 2007, and they reportedly call her "Nicole," not mom. [News.com.au]
• An attorney for Dr. Arnold Klein, who is rumored to be the father of Paris and Prince Michael Jackson, said he'd be willing to take a DNA test but has no plans to, "The court certainly would not order a DNA test after the death of the conclusively presumed biological parent," said the lawyer. "I think that if, at some point in time, the minor children reach their majority, which they will, that will be a decision I would assume they would make…they alone would make." [E!]
• Two tigers that used to belong to Michael Jackson may be trapped in the wildfire burning in California. They're at Tippi Hedren's Shambala Preserve, which is in an area that is being evacuated, but she says, "We house 64 big cats and it would be a logistical nightmare to bring all these cats down the road and get in the firefighters way of doing their job." [TMZ]
• Kerry Katona is low on cash so she's going to write a "warts and all" autobiography about her cocaine abuse and relationship with her husband. [Mirror]
• The Australian arm of Hugh Jackman's production company, Seed Productions, closed last week but there is still an office open in L.A. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Today Muhammad Ali was made first freeman of the Ireland town his great-grandfather left for Kentucky in the 1860s. [AFP]
• Organizers banned Muslims from a Black Eyed Peas concert near Kuala Lampur to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Guinness brewery in Dublin, but now they've opened it to everyone 18 and older. [N.Y. Times]
• Juliette Lewis, who used to date Brad Pitt, says, "When I run into him it's like running into an old comrade... Good vibes. He's grown into a fine man and father. Total super father. It's pretty impressive. Their family unit is inspiring." [People]
• MTV's remake of the 1985 movie Teen Wolf is inching closer to reality. [Holllywood Reporter]
• Destiny's Child will reunite next year, if you believe the News of the World. Michelle Williams said, "It definitely will happen. We're sisters, we love each other and we want to work on the future of Destiny's Child." [News of the World]
• Jay-Z says he's OK with his upcoming album Blueprint 3 being leaked online. "I may be the most bootlegged artist in history," he said. "It's a preview. I'm excited for people to hear the album. I'm very proud of the work I've done, so enjoy it." [MTV]
• Randy Quaid's wife Evi hired private detective Becky Altringer to investigate death threats against them, but now Altringer has filed a restraining order against Evi. Altringer says she is "mentally unstable" and asked her to harass the cast of a play her husband was appearing in and threatened to "hire thugs" to get information from her computer. [Radar Online]
• Mad Men has been renewed for a fourth season by AMC. [Variety]
• David Boreanaz and wife Jaime Bergman's second child, Bardot Vita Boreanaz, was born on Monday. [People]
• Paula Abdul says "I definitely want to do a talk show because it would be different," but refused to explain what she meant by that because she didn't "want to give the goodies away." [UPI]
• Ugh: "Courteney Cox Arquette Roars, 'I'm A Cougar.'" [People]
• Bill Cosby is making appearances on behalf of the Detroit public schools to help the campaign to stop the flow of students out of the district. [AP]
• George Carlin never won an Emmy, though he was nominated several times, but he may sort of win one this year, as George Carlin: The Kennedy center Mark Twin Prize was nominated. "My father was someone who did change the face of television with his HBO specials," said his daughter Kelly Carlin McCall. "He was a man who, over almost 20 years, made television exciting to watch. I think it's too bad they didn't get to honor him that way." [Associated Press]
• Aubrey O'Day has released a statement defending her remark that Fidel Castro and Adolf Hitler were "brilliant." She says, "Murderers and dictators generally are some of the smartest people out there - they just use their brain power for evil purposes. I don't condone any of their evil behavior, but I was asked about their intellectual firepower... and in my opinion you can't have a low IQ and wreck [sic] that much havoc on the world. What Hitler succeeded in doing, was deplorable... And I hope we never see such an abusive use of power again." [TMZ]
• Shakira says she and boyfriend Antonio de la Rúa aren't going to get married, but they are "so ready to reproduce. At some point during the making of the album I was like, 'I want to stop everything and just have a baby.' You hit your thirties and something changes. Your body clock is reminding you that it's another important part of your existence to reproduce." She continues, "I might need to stop work for a couple of months to breast-feed but that's about it. I can't conceive of the idea of not working." [The Telegraph]
• "I've always been really picky about roles and make a point of reminding myself that it's not about the money – because, obviously, there's a lot of money to be made in this business if you're willing to do anything." — Zooey Deschanel [The Independent]
• "I remember starting out and being at a record company at 19 and having someone tell me, 'This is your good side and this is your bad side. Don't ever let anyone take any pictures of you from that side. You look terrible from that side', and so on. I created this whole complex, like I didn't already have enough of a complex... I felt very different as a bi-racial person. Growing up where I was, being half-black and half-white, was a weird and difficult thing because I didn't quite fit in either place and I moved around a lot. So when I went from that to this world it was like, 'Let's create an inferiority complex before we make this person go on TV and try to have confidence.' So it was all about building self-confidence." — Mariah Carey [Daily Express]
• Mariah Carey says she's sorry she apologized for not performing well at Michael Jackson's memorial service on Twitter saying, "I regret sending that message but I was very emotional and I wasn't happy with my performance. But we all did our best to give Michael the send off he deserves. I just forgot the world could read that. I thought I was just talking to my friends. I shouldn't have done that because that was really only meant for Michael. That was about him." [Daily Express]
• People freaked out when Stacy Haiduk of The Young & The Restless took a real stuffed cat to the Daytime Emmys on Sunday, but she explains that this made perfect sense to viewers because her character is mentally unstable and talks to the stuffed cat on the show. She says she, "thought it was the coolest thing in the world," to bring "Mr. Kitty" to the show, then people "thought it was my pet from home, that when it passed away I got [stuffed]. It got a lot of heat out there!" She adds, "Literally, I gave it its own seat, and then somebody said, 'That's my seat,' and we said, 'No, no, no, this is Mr. Kitty, he has his own seat tonight.' People around me were just laughing. People love it, they really, really do." [People Pets]

• Madonna is making moves in Malawi: This picture at the link shows 4-year-old Mercy, the girl she's trying to adopt, holding hands with possible new sister Lourdes. [Daily Mail]

• Oprah faces yet another scandal involving her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa; seven students allegedly engaged in "inappropriate behaviors." [Socialite Life]
• This report says that even though girls at Oprah's school were expelled, this is not a sex scandal. [MSNBC]
• Lisa Ling's sister Laura and another journalist being detained in North Korea are headed for a trial on the basis of "already confirmed suspicions," which doesn't sound good. [People]
• Bridget Moynahan is furious with Gisele Bundchen for telling Vanity Fair she loved Tom Brady's son like he was her own. Someone close to Bridget says: "If Gisele loved Bridget's child like he was '100 percent her own,' then she would not talk about him in the press. Discretion and respect are not either of Gisele or Tom's virtues, as was evidenced even when the child was still unborn and they publicly flaunted their relationship without any discretion whatsoever." [Page Six]
• Kate Moss is supposedly in New York to open the new TopShop here and OMGCLOTHESOMG. [Daily Mail]
• Shocker: Britney's Candie's ads have been Photoshopped! Won't someone think of the children? [Daily Mail]
• Josh Holly, the dude who hacked into Miley Cyrus' email and had his apartment raided by the FBI back in October is still being investigated. Special Agent Scott Augenbaum says: "We're still working on it. He hasn't been arrested." Guess what Holly has been doing in the meantime? Hacking celeb MySpace accounts and spamming their "friends." [E!]
• Speaking of Miley, she looks ever so uncomfortable on the May cover of Glamour. [Just Jared]
• Stephen Colbert is warning NASA to name a new wing of the international space station after him or he will "seize power as space's evil tyrant overlord." [CNN]
• Holy crap yay! Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel are expecting their first baby! [Socialite Life]
• Singer Natalie Cole is in desperate need of a kidney; she went on Larry King last night to talk about it and dozens of emails came in, with offers from people saying they would get tested to see whether their kidney could be donated. Sometimes TV redeems itself. [CNN]
• In this photograph, Robert Pattinson looks like a folkie singer with long hair and a guitar. Scarier than a vampire? [E!]
• Kelly Rowland has left Columbia Records, the label she's been with since her Destiny's Child days. Good luck out there! [E!]
• American Idol's emo musical theater rocker, Adam Lambert, has a fan in Neil Patrick Harris: The How I Met Your Mother Star was in the audience last night and says, "No male in this competition has sung so well. He really hit those notes." [E!]
• A TV station in Panama City, FL decided that Osbournes: Reloaded was "not keeping with community standards" and declined to air the show after American Idol. [E!]
• A sneak peek at the new Sherlock Holmes flick: "Leave it to Robert Downey Jr. to turn Sherlock Holmes into a wisecracking action hero who ends up handcuffed naked to a bed." [Yahoo News via AP]
• Rachel McAdams says filming the Sherlock Holmes movie was "cold and dirty." "The 1800s were kind of dirty, I realized. I didn't think about that before." [Mirror]
• Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani will never collaborate musically: "We come from such band mentalities that it's something we've really done well to avoid," Gavin says. [Mirror]
• Dreamworks animated flicks like Kung Fu Panda and Monsters Vs. Aliens will be shown on FX, thanks to a deal between the channel and the distributor. [USA Today]
• Star Jones says her mind and body are not in sync: I'm still 300 lbs. in my head some days," she told Oprah. [People]
• Wanda Sykes and the Fox network are finalizing a deal for a Saturday late-night show. Bring it! [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• Some Slumdog Millionaire DVDs were released without the "making of" feature and "deleted scenes," which were advertised on the box. Buyers are bitching to Amazon about it; Amazon is blaming Fox. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Pedro, a film about the HIV positive Real World castmember Pedro Zamora, premieres tonight on MTV and LOGO. [LA Times]
• The Seattle home where Jimi Hendrix grew up has been destroyed; preservation efforts failed. [Mirror]
• Liam Neeson has completed Chloe, the film he was working on when his wife Natasha Richardson died. [CBS News]
• R.I.P Andy Hallet, who played the demon Lorne on Angel. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item: "Which Academy Award winner, who constantly denies his philandering ways, was outed after sleeping with a publicist who blabbed to everyone?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm going to get smashed after doing this." — Ed Westwick, at the Dressed To Kilt show, before which he apparently stripped down to his underwear in a corner to change into his kilt. [Gatecrasher]
• "I break down a couple of times a week, at least. It gets overwhelming. Sometimes I think that I can't take this anymore. I just want to live a normal life. Olivia [Palermo] kind of mothers me and looks at me as a pet project…I'm not some country bumpkin. I'm from Los Angeles." — Whitney Port on The City. [Page Six]
• "If women look like her, that would be the perfect world. She doesn't need to change anything. Who likes stick skinny girls? Where's the flavor? Whoever likes those stick skinny girls never had sex before in their life." — Dancing With The Stars' "star" Gilles Marini, on people talking about Cheryl Burke's weight gain. [E!]
• "I want my dogs to be in my wedding, I am so serious." — Jennifer Hudson. [Mirror]
• "Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the (crap) out of me." — Kristen Stewart. [USA Today]
• I haven't read the books, but I saw the movie… I thought the movie was really bad." — Whitney Port, on Twilight. [Perez]

Akashia was saved from elimination, not only because her performance was so amazing that she brought Michelle Williams to tears — but because Tammie hadn't memorized the song, and therefore did not lipsync at all. This was an odd finish to an episode that saw the contestants forming rival girl groups, each of which did a Destiny's Child number. Ongina's group, Serving Fish, did a great job with "Say My Name," but Akashia's group, 3D, didn't really bring it with "Independent Women." When Michelle Williams critiqued Akashia's dancing, Akashia disrespectfully disagreed, saying "I know I brought it." Judge Santino Rice said Akashia "radiated a bad energy." Clearly she's being made out to be the bad girl of the show, so thank goodness she wasn't kicked off. You'd think with so many drag queens, there would be more drama, but so far, Akashia is the only one worth watching. Clip above; watch the full episode here.

RuPaul's Drag Race [LOGO]
Earlier: Fake Boobs Go Flying On RuPaul's Drag Race

Like Springsteen and Franklin, Beyoncé was asked to sing for Barack Obama at inaugural events. But Frere-Jones wonders what the 27-year-old really brings to the table. Take, for instance, "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)." Frere-Jones writes:

The whole thing is a bit off. The singer is out on the town, engaging her single lady friends and enjoying the attention of a new man. Why is she out on the town? Because her man didn’t "put a ring on it." But this is Sasha Fierce we’re talking about here. And what does Sasha want? Matrimony! When does she want it? Before "three good years" are up. "Single Ladies" is an infectious, crackling song and would be without fault if it weren’t the bearer of such dull advice. The wild R. & B. vampire Sasha is advocating marriage? What’s next, a sultry, R-rated defense of low-sodium soy sauce?

In addition, the Beyoncé ballad, "If I Were A Boy," tries to be all down-with-the-patriarchy, but, as Frere-Jones notes, "Destiny’s Child handled all this on 'Independent Women, Pt. 1,' and with a lot more verve."

While Beyoncé's alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, is actually quite tame, the singer did venture into bad-girl territory by playing Etta James in Cadillac Records. Frere-Jones sighs, "Why Knowles could not make her own record as spontaneous and magnetic [as her version of James] probably has something to do with the Knowles vision of Beyoncé’s fans and how much actual fierceness they can take." Of course, all eyes were on Beyoncé inauguration night, when she sang Etta James's "At Last" for the Obamas. And while other artists are "amazing," "awesome," or, yes, "fierce," Frere-Jones describes Beyoncé as "really good at being good." The question is: For a woman with so many number one songs under her belt, is "good" good enough?

The Queen: Beyoncé, At Last [The New Yorker]

[New York, May 20. Image via Splash.]

[Miami, February 6. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

All Falls Down — Destiny's Child Edition [DailyMotion via YouVee]

• A detailed, blow-by-blow (ha!) description of the events leading up to Lindsay Lohan's arrest! "There were definitely two people in the car with Lindsay that night." Who, who? "The cocaine was not Lindsay's; she was wearing someone else's pants." Riiiight. Also, one of the reasons Dina Lohan is not with her daughter? She has to appear in court regarding her custody battle tomorrow. [ET]
  
• Also, some straight-out-of-rehab socialite is a harbinger of trainwrecks, and she'd recently been hanging out with Lindsay. [Page Six]
  
• The new Robert Cavalli for H&M ads will have nude models? How will we see the clothes? [Page Six]
  
• Kelly Rowland is "chocolate and loving it." [Page Six]
  
• While working out with his trainer, Marc Jacobs talks smack about John Galliano. [Page Six]
  
• Nicole Richie will be interviewed by Diane Sawyer next week! Set your TiVos and cancel everything. [People]

• Will Whoopi Goldberg be officially added to the crew on The View? [Rush&Molloy, last item]
• The dude who played Zed in Pulp Fiction was arrested in New York Tuesday for possession of crack cocaine. [Gatecrasher]
• Tyra Banks, dating a banker? [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• If you didn't already see the video of Beyoncé falling down the stairs in concert, you may not have a chance — Sony BMG had it taken down from YouTube. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Blind item of the day: "Which indie actress, currently filming in NYC with an Oscar-winner and an Oscar-nominee, is annoying cast and crew with her superior airs? The big names are perfectly nice, but the international visitor is testing tempers on set, I hear." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took the kids bowling in France with Mariane Pearl and her son. [People]
• Paris Hilton bought a new Chihuahua, at the same store at which Britney purchased her $3,000 Yorkie. [People]
• Is Oprah an ice queen? [TheAwfulTruth]
• And: Are the people closest to Lindsay Lohan — who should be supporting her — getting high with her instead? [TheAwfulTruth]
• Johnny Depp may finally marry his baby mama Vanessa Paradis. [ET]