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Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood

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TroubleonWheels
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Days away from having baby #5, and having had 1 natural, 1 induced, 1 24+ hr labor, and one w/every complication known, I have nothing good to say about natural childbirth. It was incredibly traumatic and felt barbaric. The hospital where I'll deliver soon is already on notice to administer horse tranquilizer the second I arrive. Caveman birth=Not. Worth. Whatever. You. Are. Trying. to. Prove.
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My_Latest_Incarnation
07/14/09

@TroubleonWheels: You must have a pair of brass ones (ovaries, of course). After the first four, I think I'd be too scared ever to go for number 5.
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Neopatra
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
This male midwife needs to experience the pain of a swift kick to the nads. It will bring him much needed enlightenment.
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KentuckyBabe
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
It feels really strange that on this site... something as empowering as natural childbirth isn't revered. It's not manditory and no on is a pussy for not wanting to do it. But when someone says that a womans natural journey through birth has a purpose and can benefit and empower a mother and this site trashes them... (because they're a man?? what if a female midwife said it?) I'm confused.
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LaComtesse
07/13/09

@KentuckyBabe:
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LaComtesse
07/13/09

@KentuckyBabe: What is being trashed is the idea that there is only one right way to deliver a baby. There isn't. Natural childbirth ain't all that empowering for a lot of women. It's dangerous or painful. Not to say it can't be empowering but the idea that it's empowering because it's women fulfilling their natural destinies (as this guy seems to be implying) is troubling to say the least.
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KentuckyBabe
07/14/09

@LaComtesse: You're right that if he were saying it's the ONLY way to give birth it would be disturbing but I interpreted him more as saying that there's a lot of needless intervention. Not, go natural or go to hell.

A lot of people just automatically assume they can't handle it and immediately order their epidurals. Sure, not having pain is better than having pain but there's something to be said for experiencing a natural process.

It's empowering because going through something that intense shows how strong you can be. It's something uniquely female. I don't like it when people (mostly men)cringe when I talk about my sisters having natural births and assume that a woman can't possibly do it without medical help. Then they imply that only hippies give birth naturally and make fun of it as being some ridiculous "spiritual experience". God forbid!

I don't want to sound all high and mighty. I am speaking with what the women around me have experienced. I haven't given birth, I PLAN to do it naturally but who knows how I'll react!
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hamustar
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
I wonder if that midwife (dude??) takes aspirin when he gets a headache or tums when he gets indigestion? Do you think he gets anesthesia when he has dental work done? Or does he refuse all that nasty "modern" medical intervention because the pain will make him a better person? I bet not.

In medical school, I did my time on the OB ward and let me tell you, an epidural birth was such a peaceful experience. The mother was relaxed, not in pain, able to converse with those arounde her. At some point she says "I'm feeling some pressure" and she's told to push. Voila -- baby comes out and gets to hold her baby while delivering her placenta and getting sewn up (if necessary).

However, in the births where there was no pain control, the mother screamed for HOURS. When the baby finally came out, she got to deal with the placenta a few minutes later. And THEN gets to get sewn up and maybe a hand stuck up there to make sure the uterus is evaculated totally. She was obviously in pain, screaming for hours. I have no clue why anyone would want to go through with that when there is a nice epidural which can make the whole thing a much more pleasant experience. Ugh how awful!!
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mbot says Spock yeah!
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Guys, guys, guys, relax! I've seen LOTS of births on TV. Here's how it goes:

The woman is screaming and crazy-eyed all the way to the hospital. Once in bed, she tells her husband that she hates him because he did this to her, then squeezes his hand so hard that it makes him crumple up in pain. While she has previously said she wanted a natural birth, once the contractions really start, she will scream for DRUGS, and you'd best not delay or she will murder you with her (crazy!) eyes. Then she gets an epidural and lies back on her pillow with a smile, occasionally saying little loopy things like, "Drugs are amazing. I love you." Then the doctor says it's time to push, she scrunches up her face a little, and the baby comes out! She cries, and the next day she leaves the hospital looking just as trim as the day she got married! The end.
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solidbrassfasteners
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Yes, women need to be prepared for motherhood through several hours of searing pain. Because the preceding 9 months didn't prepare them at all. Childbirth: it's the all-night cram session of motherhood!
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The Lone Scout
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
For what it's worth, I've heard a female pre-natal instructor give nearly the same advice, saying that the pain of labor is an important part of a woman's gender experience that male doctors are trying to erase with drugs. (The teacher also made the point that while she has never been pregnant, she runs in marathons, a similar experience that qualifies her to identify with women in the pains of delivery.)
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Edited by The Lone Scout at 07/13/09 2:11 PM The Lone Scout was starred The Lone Scout was unstarred

laura129
07/13/09

@The Lone Scout: Hmm. I've run marathons and given birth, and the marathons were a breeze in comparison. Also, you can always step out of a marathon; ain't no stepping out of a birth.
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KentuckyBabe
07/13/09

@The Lone Scout: Yup!
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The Lone Scout
07/14/09

@KentuckyBabe: @KentuckyBabe: My points exactly. During the class, a pregnant woman (clearly annoyed by the instructor's point of view) asked, will the epi harm either my baby or me? The marathoner sheepishly admitted, no. The woman said thanks and that was that.
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Edited by The Lone Scout at 07/14/09 2:23 PM The Lone Scout was starred The Lone Scout was unstarred

queenieinmanhattan
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Well, obviously we shouldn't extend the reach of modern medicine to childbirth, or use preventive care during labor to head off complications. That's CRAZY talk!
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quiquimarie
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
I was having a discussion the other day with my soon to be midwife female friend about why on earth men want to be ob/gyns or in this case a midwife. I might get slammed for this but what little boy ever says "when I want to grow up, I want to deliver babies." We exchanged labor and delivery stories about male docs patting a woman's behind while she was screaming telling her to relax. We came up with the conclusion that they as pissed off that they don't have the power to deliver babies and want the power to humiliate a woman at her most vulnerable state.

I don't think I want a male ob/gyn or a midwife who has never had to change a pad/tampon in his life and would never be able to have children and I am not taking his advice.I feel his advice/ theory it comes off as condescending especially when it comes from a man. I just find it odd, I don't know any man (even in nursing school) who is into maternity.
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LaComtesse
07/13/09

@quiquimarie:Because the idea that they are interested in the female reproductive system or want to do something to help women and babies is so hard to believe? Come ON! That's like saying women become CEOs because they're lesbians or have penis envy.
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Jenloveshercurves
07/13/09

@quiquimarie: My father is a family practitioner who has been delivering children as part of his family practice for 27 years now. He's soon to retire from delivering as his insurance is much too high and he says he's just not up for that exhausting aspect of delivery. He has been delivering babies, watching them grow, helping them through childhood illness and into adulthood and is now delivering children to the babies that he delivered nearly three decades ago. He is with families literally from birth until death (as a small town doctor, he has seen some of the children he delivered die). He loves providing the full spectrum of medical support to families. He loves being there at the most amazing time in a parent's life, when their child is born. He loves supporting women in planning their families and educating young women and young men on sexual health (yes, even providing birth control pills when they at 15 start having sex and need someone to lean on and are afraid of telling mom and dad). He also loves seeing young men become fathers and change to their core. He says that you can see them become men in that instance and it's shocking. That's why he has delivered babies for the last three decades. He's the kindly, seasoned, non-judgmental, brilliant small town doc that you want to see. He isn't wanting to somehow control women in their most vulnerable. I'm sad that is what you think.
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napalmnacey is an angry feminist
07/14/09

@Jenloveshercurves: Thank you for saying this. The best vaginal exam I ever got was from a man. The worst ob/gyn I had was a woman. You just don't know what you're going to get based on the ob/gyn's sex.
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SergioJibsheet
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
As an L&D nurse who works with both MDs and midwives, I feel like they're both right and both wrong.

Are modern women "less stoical"? Sure, because we don't HAVE to be! Pain meds are available and should be for those who want them. Few people like pain. Why suffer if you don't have to?

Is labor pain "purposeful"? Of course! It has a purpose. It helps makes the baby come out. But just because it has a purpose doesn't mean it makes you a better parent. That's bananas.

Forceps have nothing to do with epidurals. That's obscene, and no, they're not easy. Breech deliveries do not necessitate epidurals. That's ridiculous. The MD's assertion that women with long inductions should get epidurals because they will "get tired" is as silly as the midwife's assertion that pain will prepare you for parenthood. Ludicrous.

Do women underestimate labor pain? Every single time. If I had a dollar for every time a patient said "I had no idea it would be like this" I'd be rich. Labor is unlike anything most people have ever experienced. When you have nothing to compare it to, the mind tends to underestimate as a coping mechanism.

What's important is that women have choices. You want an epidural? Get one. You're 50% sure you want one? Get one. You absolutely do not one one? Don't get one.
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foolish-rain
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Interesting. I was just thinking that men need to be kneed in the groin to prepare them for the pain of urinating with an enlarged prostate later in life.

I guess great minds do think alike!
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le monde is rond
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Dr. Walsh, look. Are you still mad about that apple thing? I thought we worked through that. It really didn't seem like a big deal at the time! Sheesh, you get a pet snake and all of a sudden Mr. Dramaqueen gets all huffy.
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GorillaB
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
Two of my friends had C sections and they hated it. The babies heads were to big for their pelvises. They told me they were in pain for weeks after the C- section. . I know because at a young age I had a belly operation so I knew the outcome of an operation. When I was pregnant I was more afraid of a C-section than of the actual delivery itself. I had back labor for 20 hours. The pain is excruciating but let me tell you as soon as the baby is out and lying on your belly, the pain is GONE. Only the joy remains. I was proud of myself and my body.
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NorvinStoat
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
I'm planning a natural birth next month, but "needing pain" is not at all the reason I'm choosing not to have an epidural.

Birth experiences are important to woman, and no woman should ever feel that the choices she makes for her individual birth experience are "right" or "wrong." My midwife is going to have a cow when I tell her about this dude. Until he gives birth several times using several different techniques, then he should stfu.
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emilyanne
07/13/09

@NorvinStoat: exactly. Thank you. I ended up having an emergency csection but that doesn't mean that I think everyone should have c-sections and medicalised births. I think natural births are great if they're what you as an individual wants and I'm sick of this shaming of people who have one or the other or the sense that one is right and one is wrong. It's insulting.
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rofling_medusa
07/13/09

In reply to Male Midwife: Women Need Childbirth Pain To "Prepare" for Demands Of Motherhood
I read a few months ago that the pain of childbirth was merely nature's way of warning that the act was potentially dangerous and to seek help. Sounds way more sensible to me than it being 'preparation for motherhood'.
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mbot says Spock yeah!
07/13/09

@rofling_medusa: I read that it was woman's punishment for corrupting mankind. I think the book was written by God. There might have been a talking snake in it, too. (Maybe I was high.)
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Edited by mbot says Spock yeah! at 07/13/09 2:28 PM

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