• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent the weekend in Mexico and you didn't. (PS: They stayed at Casa Aramara, the sprawling home owned by Girls Gone Wild dude Joe Francis.) [People]
• Jen and John are already back in L.A. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse fainted yesterday and was taken to the hospital "as a precaution." Her dad says "she's fine." [People]
• Um, E! is saying that Heidi Klum's new tattoo says "Seal." Can't see it. At all. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's been on the set of Labor Pains for a week and so far, so good.
  A producer says: "We were a little bit reluctant to work with her, but she's been amazing." The girl has gotten it together. [People]
• Oh, and LL did not submit herself for an Emmy — but Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Mary-Kate Olsen are in the race. [L.A. Times]

• Mary-Kate and Ashley spent their 22nd birthday in Manchester, Tennessee. They went to a honky tonk bar, hung out with Josh Groban and attended a My Morning Jacket concert. The next day, they went to the Bonnaroo Music Festival and danced while Pearl Jam played. [People]
• Denise Richards' reality show may not be based in reality, surprise, surprise. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford says filming in the Hamptons means "beach scandal" and "OMG moments for sure." [People]
• Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot over the weekend and stopped at a pet store because she "wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter." Ugh. But! Employees blocked the heiress from purchasing a pup, stating that it was clearly an impulse buy. Hilton threw a fit. Peeps who work at that store, you are heroes. [Page Six]
• Mary J. Blige was at the Diane von Furstenberg store when she heard a girl having a problem at the register. The young woman had a dress on hold, but she thought it was $500, not $900. Mary paid for the balance on the dress, saying, "I know what it's like to want something and not be able to have it." Sigh. I love Mary. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z had dinner with New York's Governor, David Patterson. [Page Six]
• Arianna Huffington wasn't really a fan of Tim Russert. [Rush & Molloy]
• The wake for Tim Russert will be held today, MSNBC will broadcast a public memorial service on Wednesday. [ET]
• Brian Williams was supposed to host the Peabody awards but declined because he was grieving Tim Russert. [ET]
• Producers asked The Vatican if they could film the Da Vinci Code sequel there; The Vatican was like, hell no. [Best Week Ever]
• Liza Minnelli wants to be in the Arrested Development movie! [Rush & Molloy]
• Britney's dad has filed papers accounting for all the work he does: Running errands, buying groceries, paying her bills, managing her medical care and "cooking supper on a regular basis." He earns $2500 a week, but you can't put a price on the turn around that girl has made. [TMZ]
• The photog who claims Britney ran over his foot will have to live with the pain. [Reuters]
• Britney wants to move to the valley. [TMZ]
• Playboy Mansion denizens Kendra and Holly have been fighting. Hef! Break it up! [TMZ]
• David Duchovny is moving to the East Coast. First he has to sell his house, which, while not damaged by the Malibu fires, is in the evacuation zone. [L.A. Times]
• Javon Walker of the Oakland Raiders was found unconscious in Vegas with a busted eye socket. He's recovering in the hospital, but someone partied too hard, hmm? UPDATE: It appears to be the result of a robbery! [TMZ]
• Martha Stewart says Paul Newman looked a little thinner but was doing fine when she saw him recently. [ET]
• Are Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green no longer engaged? [Mirror]
• Naomi Campbell! Snogging a new dude! A Brazillian businessman! [The Sun]
• Scott Baio's baby had a health scare. [People]
• Taylor Dayne pleaded no contest to one count of reckless driving in connection with her DUI bust. She's sentenced to two years of probation and must complete a Mothers Against Drunk Driving program. [E!]
• "It's not for me to tell anybody or to pretend to have insights beyond what I absolutely know, but my instincts are that the idea Heath was disturbed by playing The Joker is ridiculous. Heath was somebody who, like myself, acted for that immersion in a character. It's not an unusual thing. And from working with him and knowing him, I don't think that was unusual for him at all." —Christian Bale, dismissing speculation that playing The Joker distressed Heath Ledger. [E!]
• Topless models abound in the new W magazine. [ONTD]
• Speaking of which, does Marissa Miller have implants? [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• "The other day, a girl on my plane was pulling my hair. She was like, 'I just want to check if ...' This is all my hair, by the way. I did not have extensions." — Gisele Bundchen. [Rush & Molloy]

Thus spake Heather:

America loves a whore. We're a nation of whores, after all — just try holding down a job in this great land of ours without compromising your values and shortchanging your best ideas. We grow up hearing "Be yourself!" and "Follow your dreams!" but the marketplace tramples all over such fanciful rainbows-and-unicorns notions of identity and self-respect with its big, dirty, hobnailed boots. Thus are plucky, original human beings transformed into polite, agreeable team players, anxious to waste a lifetime kowtowing to the lowest common denominator.

Once you sell a big part of your soul for a hot slice of the American dream (something about grassy lawns, enormous mortgages and life insurance policies you can't afford), you've set the stage for a lifetime of doing stupid, demeaning shit just to make your nut. When you recognize that your "success" in life has cemented you on a path of unending compromise, getting paid to get screwed up the ass by a stranger really doesn't seem like that much of a stretch.

Goddammit, I swear, I've never met the woman. But, I did head off to college in an overstuff minivan of stuff, eager to study German and English lit, which eventually turned into a German lit major, a Sociology major and a History minor and no clue what to do with my life to make actual money but, see, I liked what I was learning. And then suddenly it was senior year and my work-study job as an assistance systems administrator wasn't going to pay the bills or fulfill me intellectually or make me too much money in the real world, so I decided to go to grad school! For, um, international policy! I was going to do something in National Security!

Only, really, it was totally as vague as all that, and I turned down a good program at the University of Chicago because the weather was sunny in D.C.on the day I visited and I thought I'd get distracted on my path to a Very Serious Job by their sparkly intellectual classes in social policy and without realizing it, I'd already sold out. I went to Georgetown, instead, lured by reputation and trapped by the fact that no grad school will let you transfer your credits. I traded in a Foreign Policy concentration for a self-designed one in International Business and Public Policy after getting turned down for an increasingly large number of internships in national security and I always ended up taking ones for lobbying firms because they paid and I needed the money and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my creature comforts (fresh mozzarella and tomato salads) for Ramen noodles and I sold out that much more. I convinced myself that learning to be a people person was its own intellectual pursuit and honed my skills at parties and in meetings, learning to strike the right postures even if I always sucked at stroking the right egos. My twenties passed in a blur of unserious jobs and Serious Relationships and bills and bad roommate and eventually the mortgage and the 401Ks and assigning my sister as the beneficiary on my company life insurance policies because she needed the money as she pursued her actual dreams and I grew to hate my life. I was whoring my brain to the highest bidder — to pay for the things I thought I ought to have and ought to want and be the grown-up I'd always so desperately wanted to be — and my brain, well, she was getting loose and sloppy and uncaring.

So I quit. And now I sit at home in my pajamas and write crap on the Internet all day, so I guess I'm still whoring out my brain but at least I can do it in bare feet. Maybe I should get Showtime after all — maybe Diary could teach me to fake being happier about being a whore.

I Like To Watch [Salon]

[California, June 12. Image via INFDaily.]

She was the lady with three boobs in Total Recall!

• Charlie Sheen's friends are calling Denise Richards a liar: She says she's doing a reality show to make money and support her children; they say she "gets more than enough money from Charlie to never have to work, much less do a reality show that exploits the kids." Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support and previously received $60,000 a month (tax-free) for two years in alimony. Anybody think they could give it a try and raise two kids on that awfully paltry sum? [Page Six]

• Also something about Denise wanting to use Charlie as a sperm donor but frankly, these two don't interest me at all. [Rush & Molloy]
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz wedding photo! WTF is that dog wearing? [People]
• Jodie Foster dumped her lesbian lover after falling for another woman on a film set! Apparently Jodie cheated on movie producer girlfriend Cydney Bernard with screenwriter Cindy Mort. Scandal! [The Sun]
• Jessica Alba's secret wedding Monday "surprised even good friends." [People]
• Four witnesses have identified the young woman on video in the R. Kelly trial. The defense says maybe R Kelly's head was digitally added to someone else's body. [Yahoo News]

• 60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl gave a commencement speech at Jesuit-run Loyola College and used the word pusillanimous, then told the crowd, it "doesn't have anything to do with pussy." Hahaha, oh shit. [Page Six]

• The National Enquirer says Vince Vaughn is concerned about Jennifer Aniston falling for John Mayer and is warning her about the bad-boy musician. Uh, whatever. [MSNBC]

• Heather Mills was told to tear down a marquee she built at her home without permission. It's for parties. [Mirror]
• Tori Spelling was indulging in Baskin Robbins's "bump day" (soft-serve ice cream for pregnant women) even though soft-serve is supposed to be a health risk for knocked up chicks. [TMZ]
• If you want to see the "other woman" who split up Shania Twain and Mutt Lange, click here. [People]
• JR Rotem, the producer who once said that he "fucked Britney wheelbarrow style" is confirming that they are working in the studio together. Her new album is in the "experimental stages." Looking forward to it. [People]
• Mick Jagger was spotted feeling on some chick's booty while his girlfriend was just a few feet away, oblivious. When you start him up he'll never stop. [Rush & Molloy]
• Zach Braff has hideous luggage. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which two beyond-famous actor pals have late-night cocaine parties, much to their wives' dismay? They start at 3 a.m. and rage until sunrise - and we hear a rehabbed starlet has joined them for several sessions." [Rush & Molloy]
• The five-year-old daughter of Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman was killed last night when a car driven by one of her older brothers hit her in the family's driveway. Tragic. And also: Unless you're actually in the Serengeti, SUVs are evil. [TMZ]
• Is Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly dating New York Yankee Derek Jeter? Do you care? [Page Six]
• Nick Cannon left his boys' weekend to be by Mariah's side at an Elle photo shoot. [Page Six]
• Gina Gershon and Weeds star Jeffrey Dean Morgan: Getting cozy? [Page Six]
• Is Michelle Tractenberg is as bitchy in real life as she is on Gossip Girl? [Page Six]
• Is Ivana Trump soooo in love with her new hubby Rossano Rubicondi that she doesn't feel like going to Cannes? She was expected at a bunch of parties but is holed up in Palm Beach. [Page Six]
• Some nightclub owner wanted to buy Lindsay Lohan a fur coat since she gave back the one she stole, but she turned him down. Publicity is a weird game. [Page Six]
• Harrison Ford lost his digital camera in Cannes; let him know if you've seen it. [E!]
• The Pet Shop Boys say they ARE NOT working with Amy Winehouse on the Bond theme and The Sun "totally made up" the story. Sigh. [ONTD]
• Cameron Diaz is bald for a new movie. [ET]
• Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck have signed up to help raise money for an athletic complex at her hometown university in West Virginia. Eh, do-gooders. Yawn. [AP]
• Scarlett Johansson wanted her new album to sound "like we've drunk cough medicine and seen Tinkerbell." She also says: "We spent days trying to record owls. [My producer] told me to have a mini-recorder with me all the time. We recorded all kinds of stuff - everywhere you go, Louisiana is alive with sounds." [Mirror]
• This review calls Scarlett "limited as a vocalist" and says the album is "wonderful in concept, uneven in execution, and ultimately satisfying," though "listeners who expect a high-gloss star turn by Ms. Johansson will be disappointed." [WSJ]
• Mischa Barton and Taylor Locke from Rooney: It's on. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse is up for three Novellos, the "Oscars" of British songwriting and composing. Come on, you know she's no good. [The Star]
• David Byrne was dyking brunk biking drunk when his tire "slipped on the cobblestones of West 14th St." He says "I remember lying in the street, looking at oncoming headlights and rolling towards the curb so they wouldn’t run me over." Byrne has two broken ribs. [Gothamist]
• David Bowie and Paul Weller have finally ended their long-running feud. But um "The Starman still couldn’t resist a cheeky dig at the Modfather’s infamous barnet." Hahahaha, wait, what? [The Sun]
• Some dude named David Cook "won" this thing called American Idol. [People]
• If you didn't see Robert Downey Jr, Ben Stiller and Jack Black as the Pips on Idol, here is your chance. [ONTD]
• "I always treat life and death with respect, but most people don't. Look, I love the Coen brothers; we all studied at NYU. But they treat life like a joke. Ha ha ha. A joke. It's like, 'Look how they killed that guy! Look how blood squirts out the side of his head!' I see things different than that." — Spike Lee. [Comcast Entertainment]

]]> Thu, 22 May 2008 09:00:00 EDT Dodai http://jezebel.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5010412&view=rss&microfeed=true Denise Richards appeared on Larry King Live last night to promote her new reality show, Denise Richards: It's Complicated. She's hoping the show will dispel rumors and improve her public image, which was has been pooped all over due to her very public divorce from Charlie Sheen, and her subsequent relationship with Richie Sambora, the estranged husband of Richards' onetime friend Heather Locklear. Say what you will about her, but she won us over, at least a little bit, when the subject of her troubled relationship with Charlie Sheen was brought up. While Sheen is running his mouth off to the folks at Extra about matters that should be kept private, Richards took the high road, and remained diplomatic.

• [Mariah Carey] is very happy. I've spoken with her and she is superb. She is over the moon. I received an email from her [Monday] and she is so happy. She really sounds like someone on her honeymoon." — Andre Leon Talley. Talley also says the wedding happened so quickly he "didn't have the time to offer her any style tips!" Underminer. [People]
  
• Britney Spears' progress impressed the court yesterday. She will now get three days of supervised visitation a week; within a month she should get overnight visits. Stay the course, girl! [TMZ]
  
• Lindsay Lohan has another job! She'll star in Labor Pains, a comedy about a young woman who pretends to be pregnant to avoid being fired. Yay for her; boo for another damn knocked up movie. Is that all women are good for? [Page Six]

• Liv Tyler didn't wear her wedding ring to the Costume Institute Gala. Add this to the sad stuff in the last Midweek Madness about getting married too young and hubby Royston Langdon being a leech on her assets, and you gotta wonder... [Rush & Molloy]
• Scarlett Johansson, however, did have a ring on her finger: The rock Ryan Reynolds gave her. [Rush & Molloy]
• Denise Richards knew her marriage to Charlie Sheen wasn't going to work when he accused Richards of poisoning their daughter with a vaccination. Yeah, I don't know. [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton cut the buffet line at Diddy's party. "Everyone behind her rolled their eyes," says a source. [Rush & Molloy]
• Robin Williams has pledged to keep his divorce civil. Good for him! Boring for us. [People]
• Ryan Seacrest may be replacing Larry King??? Sources say he will take over Larry King Live at the end of the year. "He's the classic generalist," King says. "The only thing I don't know, and I've gotten to know him pretty well, is how versed he is in politics, world affairs. Does he read the paper? Is he interested in Iraq? Because if he is, he's going to be very good." Haha, Iraq. Raise your hand if you think Seacrest knows where it is. [MSNBC]
• Mary-Kate Olsen was submitted by Showtime as "Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series" for her role on Weeds. She could win an Emmy! [MSNBC]
• Pete Doherty left prison with a certificate proclaiming him drug-free. (He may have made the certificate himself.) He told reporters: "I made a few friends in there and the food was all right. I can't wait to have a rum and coke. I've missed the little things like girls and cats." [Mirror]
• Terri Irwin, widow of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, has settled a lawsuit with creditors who claimed the zoo owed them $2.3 million. [Yahoo News]
• If you thought the Gwyneth Paltrow Vogue cover was PhotoShopped, wait till you see the GQ bobblehead cover. [PsD]
• Ugly Betty is moving to New York! I've always hated the fake-ass "Manhattan" streets they use, which are so clearly a Hollywood lot. Now New Yorkers will have Wilhelmina, Marc and Amanda sightings! [LA Times]
• So, you know the rumor that Mr. Big dies in the Sex And The City movie? Director Michael Patrick King says: "Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?" [CNN]
• The new Coldplay album will be a rainbow! "Each song is our attempt to do a different colour," says Chris Martin. "It doesn't matter whether the record is good or bad. It matters that it's colourful. The songs are supposed to be flavours, things we haven't tasted before." Um, good to know. [The Sun]
• Rosie O'Donnell responded to the interview Barbara Walters gave on Oprah, saying, "I love her." [People]
• Harry Potter author JK Rowling has won her battle to ban the publication of a long-lens photograph of her son in a privacy case. One of the judges explained: "If a child of parents who are not in the public eye could reasonably expect not to have photographs of him published in the media, so too should the child of a famous parent." [Reuters]

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Mocking pregnant women for their changing bodies.
The Evidence: "The newest accessory in Hollywood is a baby bump. Let's just hope these don't come with stretch marks. It's all about the cocoa butter ladies!" Because when a woman brings a new life into the world, the first thing on her mind should be taking care of those unseemly stretch marks!
The Sentence: three months of Harlow Richie-Madden diaper duty and a kick in the nuts from mum-to-be Nicole Kidman.

The Accused: Drunken Stepfather
The Crime: Ageism; heightism; general assholery.
The Evidence: "If I was on the beach, which I am not and haven't been on in years because I don't live the celebrity life of luxury, I wouldn't mind lookin' at [Denise Richards] in hopes of a vagina lip hangin' out but the second a younger, tighter body walks by this hag, I'll be getting my creep on elsewhere. It's one of those better than nothing situations like the time you jerked off to your sister on a family camping trip because it was between her and your mom and jerking off to your mom just felt too wrong..." Wow, there is just so much wrong here. In Drunken Stepfather's world apparently a "tighter body" means a "better person" and it's cool to jerk off to your female family members, because all women — even the ones who are related to you — are only useful as sexual fantasies.
Additional Evidence : "Here are some pictures of Brooke Shields Leaving the hospital on crutches, I guess her legs finally gave-out from the weight of her testicles." Uh, why is Brooke Shields a man? Because she's tall? I don't even understand this one.
The Sentence: Dysentery. Drunken Stepfather can spend all that time on the toilet thinking about what he's done.

The Accused: Egotastic
The Crime: Critiquing a woman's weight; kicking someone when they're down
The Evidence:"Star Magazine is going all crazy over these Britney Spears bikini pictures, claiming she looks great after losing 20 pounds, and she's still losing more. But if you ask me, Britney Spears losing 20 pounds is like Rosie O'Donnell dropping 200: You just wouldn't notice. Regardless, no matter what Britney does, she'll never be attractive again, so I say she should just keep on stuffing her face with Cheetos. At least that way you'll be able to smell the cheesey flavour coming before she crashes her car into your ass." You know, Britney's "attractiveness" to idiots like you is sort of the least of her problems right now. Also, you're a dick.
The Sentence: A lifetime of indentured servitude at the Cheeto factory.

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Implying women are men because they are not waifs.
The Evidence: "So, when I say these two rumbled, I mean, literally, the ground shook. Khloe is one solid woman. She could probably give Brooke Hogan a run for her money. Then afterwards they'd swap tips on shaving their testicles. BFFs with balls 4 life!" Jesus — just because a woman has muscles, does not mean she's a man.
The Sentence: A large dose of Nair straight to the ball sack, natch.

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Calling a woman who does not meet some predetermined and subjective ideal of femininity a man and generally criticizing her looks.
The Evidence: "Here's a shot of Fergie in the Bahamas over the weekend. While I often publicly question her gender, I will admit that maybe kind of sort of Josh Duhamel doesn't entirely hate his penis after bedding this body. At least until he looks at Fergie's face, then there's lots of weeping and cursing. Mostly at God for being 'such a fucking asshole douchebag trickster to create this manner of creature. Oh, you want to go again, baby? Shit, I'm only human. Say, would you mind wearing the pillow case this time? I mean, it is my birthday. Heart you.'" Oh, you're attracted to her, so she MUST be a woman, huh? What does it matter what she looks like? And why does your opinion matter? And why are you even writing this crap? Oh, it's right there in the title, Superficial.
The Sentence: Whipworm infestation.

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Calling women men; mocking them in a gallery.
The Evidence: "Dude Looks Like a Lady ... Wait, That is a Lady!" Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Hilary Swank, Michelle Rodriguez, Kathleen Turner, Kathy Griffin and Julie Andrews. You know TMZ is owned by AOL now, you'd think they'd class up their act a little, and not publish sexist misogynistic posts in the name of humor.
The Sentence: Ringworm, which is not a worm but a fungus. Don't say you didn't learn something new today!

The Accused: WWTDD?
The Crime: Critiquing a woman's body and insinuating that she is large.
The Evidence: "The female body is not the type of thing we usually talk about here - I don't think that kind of discussion is very classy - and I don't feel scandalous or unflattering pictures of a celebrity has any place on the internet, but these pictures of Denise Richards are going up because holy shit has she gone to hell. She used to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on earth, and pictures of her tits were every young boys secret bullseye. Now she looks like she's made of donuts. You would think someone with so much gravity could stay on a surfboard that's bigger than the high school I went too, but apparently not. Maybe they can get her someones roof and she can surf on that." Really? Denise Richards has a weight problem? She's a 37-year-old mother of two. It's disgusting that men get away with writing about women like this. Oh, and look: Bally Total Fitness is a sponor of WWTDD. Great.
The Sentence: Infestation by Chinese liver fluke.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Implying that a woman is too fat to be seen unclothed.
The Evidence: "I just really like being naked," [says] the American Idolstar. You know how that old saying goes — people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Fortunately, I live in a house of 12% body fat and killer gluts, so I feel comfortable saying that Kelly Clarkson needs to steer clear of the glass market. Of course, the plastic slipcover market and anti-chafing powder-gel market can still be all hers." Wow. Hilarious. Fuck you.
The Sentence: A colony of chiggers that live under and feed on the skin.

The Accused: DListed
Reader-Submitted Crime: Menstruation-mocking.
The Evidence: "Kim Kardashian Wipes The Skank Off: I shouldn't say that. I don't think it's possible for Kim Kardashian to wipe the skank off completely. She would have to remove her skin and that's probably pretty painful. She looks alright without make-up, but I sort of love it when she looks like a tranny call girl. She's suffering from 'period face' here. And I bet that bitch's flow is heaaaaaaavy." The reader says: "I lurve Michael K, but I want to flick him in his balls for this... mostly because I think I have period face today, and I want to hide/die/poursulfuricacidonmydeskfornoreason. Maybe I'm just overreacting." You're not. If you don't menstruate, you have no right to tease those who do.
The Sentence: Bloodletting! With leeches, of course.
Same Defendant, Additional Reader-Submitted Crime: Making light of cutting a woman's clitoris.
The Evidence: She can catch flies with her coochie! Jenna Jameson showed up to Comic Con in New York on Friday looking like she slithered in from the forest. Let's cut off her clit and see if it grows back! Yeah, what clit? That shit probably got destroyed a long ass time ago." The reader says: "I'm sorry, but female genital mutilation Is.Not.Funny." Agreed.
The Sentence: Pubic lice, of course.

[Maui, April 23. Image via x17]

[Santa Monica, April 14. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, April 3. Image via INFDaily.com]

• Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai for a minor kidney infection. Did she pick up something in Kuwait? Ow, ow, ow. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, she's already out of the hospital. And "doing fine." [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse is moving — for the third time in four months — because her new flat has "demons." [The Sun]
  
• Despite what you may have heard, Johnny Depp will not be shilling for Magnum condoms. [Portƒolio]
  
• Denise Richards: "I'll never talk about weight around [my daughters]. And they'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies." She will, however, include them in her new reality show! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston has formed a film company called Echo Films with producing partner Kristin Hahn. (Aniston was previously a partner in Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B.) [Variety]

• Meanwhile, Brad Pitt is producing a new film called Lost City Of Z, about a lost city in the Amazon. [Variety]
• Oh, Brad Pitt MIGHT be at the Kodak theater in Hollywood on Sunday for Idol Gives Back, the American Idol charity fundraising event. But will he be married? [E!]
• Director Pedro Almodovar says his inspiration is actress Deborah Kerr. [Telegraph]
• Adam Sandler: Broke his ankle playing basketball. [USA Today]
• Grammy Winning singer Nancy Wilson has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. Be well! [USA Today]
• Dane Cook: Named unfunniest comic. Ha. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis' girlfriend Emma Heming previously dated Sean "Diddy" Combs, Brent Bolthouse and John Stamos. Ain't sayin' she's a goldigger, but... [Page Six]
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus says she only ate egg whites on the day of the Emmy awards because she wanted to look thin. "I don't know why people thought that was so funny. I guess some people like to pretend they can eat like shit and look great in their dress." [Page Six]
• Stavros Niarchos: Seen leaving a NYC hotspot with three ladies. [Page Six]
• Ed Westwick, aka Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, was seen playing with his band in a downtown NYC club and chugging drinks on stage. After his set, Ed stumbled out yelling "I'm so fucked up!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which small-screen actress has been texting and fawning over and otherwise smothering her '90s TV megastar boyfriend, just after her PR leaked the relationship to the press? At this rate, she might have to cast a new beau for next season." [Gatecrasher]
• Kelly Lynch is sending her Road House co-star Patrick Swayze best wishes. "If anyone can get through this, it's him," she says of his fight with pancreatic cancer. [People]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is not pregnant, she just wore a baby doll top. Leave her alone. [People]
• Rihanna says she and Chris Brown "are best friends, honestly, like brother and sister." That's cool, even though I never do this with my brother. [People]
• New Kids On The Block! On the Today show! April 4! Oh oh oh oh oh — hangin' tough! [People]
• A woman who has a restraining order against her and can't come within 500 feet of John Cusack was arrested Sunday near the actor's home in Malibu. Yikes! Stalker. [E!]
• Britney Spears is back with her former manager, Larry Rudolph, who had represented her her since she was a teen and was the one who urged her to go to rehab (after which she dropped him). Could be a step in the right direction. [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Brit's dad is trying to keep here working since it's "therapeutic" for her. [MSNBC]
• Feuds over fashion on the set of the Sex And The City movie? You don't say. [Mirror]
• Sharon Osbourne, live, on TV at the Brit awards: Get on with it, you pisshead ... Shut up you're pissed. Piss off, you bastard. Piss off!" TV regulator Ofcom (kind of like the FCC) says her language was "acceptable." [Mirror]
• Newly-divorced Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell (whom the UK paper calls a "millionairess") were seen "giggling and smooching" on a Caribbean beach yesterday. Love is all you need! [Mirror]
• Ray Romano: Returning to TV in a new one-hour comedic drama? [UPI]
• Daniel Craig has been named "Britain's Best Dressed Man" by the UK edition of GQ. But do we like him better fully clothed or, um, partially? [Reuters]

• Listen to Heidi Montag's earsplittting new single, "No More," at your own risk. It sounds like this: You said I was the reason why we couldn't work out but it was all a lie...Ar ar ar ai ai ah ah blah dah dah, except in like, dolphin language. [People]
  
• Lindsay Lohan reportedly left a series of phone messages for Calum Best that were all, "I can't believe you would ever fucking do this to me, I should have listened to everyone. I should never have fucking trusted you." Hey Linds! Didja hear? That's not you in the BJ clip! [The Sun]
  
• A judge is upholding the conservatorship of Britney Spears, despite some random lawyer's appeal. [Yahoo News]
  
• Britney kept her sunglasses on during rehearsals for How I Met Your Mother. Very professional. [MSNBC]

• A source says the role was very carefully chosen and avoided "trigger" topics like her music career and her kids. "They just wanted her to be treated normally, but obviously this wasn't a normal situation. This wasn't about her career, it was about her health." [MSNBC]
• Ooh, Britney revelations via Henry Rollins! Yeah, that's right, Henry Motherfucking Rollins! Henry sez: "They have the black chick come in and sing, and Britney sings over it, and they mix them together. (Britney) gets her phrasing basically from this older R&B woman. I found that out talking to an engineer. Britney apparently isn't actually the worst singer, she just has no feel. So they bring in this older black woman who sings the song, then Britney sings to it, and they kind of make a mix of the two voices, and that's what you hear on the records." [Dlisted]
• Cashmere Mafia: Dunzo? And Lipstick Jungle coming back? Is anyone watching either show? [Page Six]
• A dude named David K. Zandi is lobbying to star in Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, a Disney flick based on a video game. Actors up for the role include Orlando Bloom, Milo Ventimiglia and Zac Efron but Zandi says "people are fascinated that a real Persian with royal lineage could be hired to play this role." And by people he means himself. Anyway, Disney is all LOL. [Page Six]
• Grey's Anatomy star Justin Chambers had a vasectomy after he and his wife had their 5th child. But! The couple would consider adopting! Are they battling Angelina for kiddie supremacy? [Page Six]
• Weekly mag editors find Ashton Kutcher's show, Pop Fiction and the fake news it's trying to peddle (Avril's pregnancy, Paris' guru) in a word, yawn. [Rush & Molloy]
• Nude photo of Carla Bruni, aka French First Lady, up for auction! [Rush & Molloy]
• Allen Covert, who has co-starred in a dozen movies with Adam Sandler, was arrested on the set of his latest Sandler film when he spat and slapped a paparazzo he thought was filming his kid. [TMZ]
• The family of Bob Marley will not allow his music to be in a Weinstein Co. film, even though Rita Marley is an executive producer on the project. But Martin Scorsese is set to direct a documentary on Bob, which would be allowed to use his music, according to Ziggy. [TMZ]
• Dancing With The Stars alum Sara Evans went through a very public divorce battle last year but won't let that stop her from getting engaged to a former University of Alabama quarterback. Congrats. [People]
• Milo Ventimiglia has a YouTube account in which you can see videos of Milo brushing his teeth and whatnot. Gripping! [People]
• The Smashing Pumpkins are suing Virgin Records for illegally using their name and music in promotional deals. Did anyone know the Smashing Pumpkins were still around? [Yahoo News]
• Sean Diddy Combs has settled a lawsuit brought by a man who claims the rapper punched him outside of a Hollywood hotel, but the terms of the deal are unknown. [Yahoo News]
• Denise Richards, who was legally known as Denise Sheen, is changing her name back to Denise Richards. Don't these people have anything better to do than go to court? [Yahoo News]
• Heather Mills once claimed she'd been offered a title, Baroness Mills; a new TV documentary calls bullshit on that. [Mirror]
• Ice T and Coco have a sex secret called The Stroke that you can feel free to read more about if you care to. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has been offered £350,000 to perform at a Dutch club that is "in the heart of the biggest drug circuit in Holland." Oh, dear. Sing, take the money and run! [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty was seen visiting Amy's house with hands that looked like they "hadn't been washed for a week." Such lovely imagery this morning! [The Sun]

• Aside from Janet, the Jacksons are all pretty much broke, working odd jobs, and living with their parents. [TMZ]
  
• Speaking of financial troubles: Heath Ledger was only worth $145,000 at the time of his death. [TMZ]
  
• Amy Winehouse's husband Blake is trying to get her to fund his drug habit in while he's locked up, which is like, news to no one. According to the security chief of Pentonville jail, where Blake Incarcerated is being held, "There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison." [The Sun]
  
• Meanwhile, Amy's mom Janis has a doctor's note to get out of dealing with her daughter's own drug addiction. She has multiple sclerosis and has said, "If I was to get heavily involved in Amy's problems things could get worse for me. I can't cope." [The Mirror]

• Apparently Britney's dad thinks that getting his daughter back together with Kevin Federline will be good for her mental health. [MSNBC]
• K. Fed, howevs, celebrated his 30th birthday this weekend with baby mama Shar Jackson. [MSNBC]
• Jason Rae, husband of singer Corinne Bailey Rae, was found dead in the couple's London apartment Saturday afternoon from an apparent drug overdose. [TMZ]
• There's going to be a BBC sitcom this fall called Beautiful People all about Simon Doonan's life, based on the Barneys creative director's memoir Nasty: My Family and Other Glamorous Varmints, and will be produced by Jon Plowman (The Office, Absolutely Fabulous). Doonan hopes to be played by Linda Hunt, aka Nurse Hooper from She-Devil. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss got in trouble for laughing and dancing on Jim Morrison's grave. No word if she was on anything, beyond his plot. [News.com.au]
• Denise Richards finally got around to covering up the tattoo she had of ex-husband Charlie Sheen's name on her ankle. Her choice? A fairy. [TMZ]
• Bruce Willis is a partner in a new, high end wine bar opening in NYC's East Village this week. We better not see Rumer having fun there until August 16, 2009. [Page Six]
• Singer/songwriter/bourbon distributor/weed head Willie Nelson might be performing at the Democratic National Convention this year. He's a Hillary supporter, because she's an old friend who has visited his tour bus. But "she didn't inhale." [Daily News]
• Super hot photos of former child star Joseph Gordan-Levitt and Claudia Schiffer in GQ. [ONTD]
• Lindsay Lohan's grandma was involved in a one-car accident yesterday, running into a pole and a tree. She was admitted to the hospital but released in good health a few hours later. Note: Apparently she was not experiencing dyke drama with Samantha Ronson, leading up to the wreck. [TMZ]
• Tyra Banks has a stalker who was arrested outside the NYC studio where she tapes her talk show, and later released on bail. Guess she won't be chilling out there in a bra anymore. [UPI]
• Glamour model Katie Price (aka Jordan) has been nominated for a major book award, even though the title in question — a children's book — was ghost-written. [The Mirror]
• Dolly Parton covers Fine Young Cannibals' "Drives Me Crazy" on her new album. [Perez Hilton]

• Sienna Miller has reportedly finally agreed to marry Rhys Ifans — after he asked a third time. Summer wedding, you guys. With guests like Kate Moss and Keira Knightley! [Mirror]
  
• Is Kimora Lee Simmons knocked up? Sources say she's got a bun in the oven, thanks to Djimon Hounsou. Now we're gonna be hearing about her "fabulosity" fetus for the next 9 months. [Page Six, People]
  
• Someone placed a 911 call claiming Heather Locklear was suicidal; but when cops arrived Heather was fine, never requested medical assistance and did not place the call. WTF. [TMZ, TMZ]
  
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds: It's over! Three and a half years after their sponsored wedding, Al has moved out and Star is planning to divorce him. Anyone surprised? [ONTD, MSNBC]

• The girls from America's Next Top Model are accused of destroying the Tribeca loft they stayed in in New York. The floors are ruined, there's water damage in the bathroom and lipstick on the walls, says a source. Pretty can be ugly! [Page Six]
• Heath Ledger's father says that even though Heath's will was filed before he met Michelle Williams, Michelle and Matilda "will be taken care of." [People]
• A web site called George Clooney "gay, gay, gay." Says George: "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay - that was pushing it." [People]
• Clooney also commented on that feud with Fabio, admitting Fabio could probably beat him up. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow got a C tattooed on her hip for her hubby Chris Martin. Or for Coldplay. Or for cookies. [Mirror]
• The Sopranos movie? No. Seriously, no. It's just a rumor. [AP]
• Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama. Repeat: Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama?!??!? [Page Six]
• Helena Christensen and Josh Hartnett: Dunzo. [Gatecrasher]
• It's someone's job to touch up the nail polish on Ivanka Trump's wax figure at Madame Tussaud's? Would you include that on your resume? [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Ali Lohan partied in the penthouse of their LL's NYC apartment building, but stayed sober. [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently LL tells Ali to stay away from clubs. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which skinny-again chart topper has been making multiple bathroom visits with his male friend during late nights at hot spots like Hyde? Apparently it's not just the girls who like diet coke." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which famous braying crooner went down a line of Playmates and stunning models at a recent film festival, inquiring as to whether or not they'd sleep with him? There were no takers, and one of the models even laughed and called him 'short.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• This video of Britney walking into a bar is kind of sad. See, she literally walks into a metal bar. [TMZ]
• The obsessed fan who's been sending packages two to three times a week to Britney has included sexually explicit notes and a "battery-operated sex toy" in the mailings, gross. [UPI]
• Courtney Love claims she is the victim of identity theft — that con aritsts used Kurt Cobain's name to buy a mansion in New Jersey. [UPI]
• Except the LAPD says "It never happened." [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's wife: Knocked up. This will be the third child for the family. [People]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown: Singing each other's songs at a karaoke club in London. Sweet! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's trip to Kuwait to perform for the troops is costing $150,000 for the plane and $16,000 in hair and makeup. Who's picking up the tab? [MSNBC]
• ABC soap One Life To Live has a storyline that may parallel Jamie Lynn Spears' life: A 16-year-old teenage character will have sex and maybe get knocked up. Juno, what hath ye wrought? [Reuters]
• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have reached and agreement in their custody battle. The exes are making nice, awww. [E!]
• Actress Samantha Morton was "close to death" after suffering a secret stroke two years ago. She took an unexplained break from making movies because she was learning to walk again. Jeez. She's fully recovered and gave birth to a second daughter in January. Be well! [Guardian]
• Kathy Griffin became a ordained online so she could officiate in a New York wedding in which the non-religious bride and groom claim laughter is the major factor in their relationship. LOL and congrats! [USA Today]
• Robbie Williams says he wants to study extraterrestrial life, and it's apparently not a joke. [UPI]
• Sound Of Music star Julie Andrews has kept a secret for 58 years: She was the child of an affair. [Telegraph]
• "I'm loath to say anything good about going to boarding school, which is one of the reasons why I'm not a believer in Harry Potter. Because I believe it fetishizes boarding school for children." — Tilda Swinton [Page Six]

• Fergie: Pregnant? Sources say she and Josh Duhamel are moving up the wedding date because she doesn't want the bump to be too obvious. Honestly, she did seem a wee soft in the face when she was singing with John Legend at the Grammys, but it looked good. [Page Six]
  
• Also on Grammy night: Dita Von Teese was seen "getting snuggly" with Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean? Wait, what? [Page Six]
  
• And Lindsay Lohan Paris Hilton was seen "aggressively trying" to get with John Mayer. Sigh. [Page Six]
  
• Is Britney going on a world tour? A source says she'll train for a month and then leave the country, getting away from her "friend" Sam Lutfi and boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. [Page Six]
  
• Meanwhile, Britney's father got permission to fire her business manager, whom he does not trust. [People]
  
• Although taking control of her finances is tough, because Britney is an adult. [Newsweek]
  
• Lenny Kravitz is in the hospital with severe bronchitis. Get well! [Reuters]

• Ryan Phillippe says his divorce from Reese Witherspoon was "the darkest, saddest place I had ever been" and he couldn't get out of bed for four or five months. [People]
• Uma Thurman: "I'd like more children. I asked the doctor, she said there's still time. I still have the sippy cups." [Page Six]
• The authors of the latest Anna Nicole Smith book are suing their publisher. It's always something. [Gatecrasher]
• Though all of the Spice Girls were in New York this weekend, Posh partied without Ginger, Baby, Sporty and Scary. What happened to "friendship never ends"? [Gatecrasher]
• Nicolas Cage is suing Kathleen Turner for writing that he was arrested twice for DUI and possibly stealing a Chihuahua. "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog," Nic says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Entourage star Kevin Connolly either did or did not jump some guy at a nightclub and pummel him in the head. The guy filed charges but then called the sheriff's office and said "never mind." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton dropped her cat at the vet two weeks ago and has yet to pick her up; the woman she adopted the cat from says the cat is now abandoned. But! This seems to be a publicity stunt for the woman's foundation. So whatever. [People]
• Natalie Cole on Amy Winehouse: "I don't think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people... We have to stop rewarding bad behavior." [People]
• Joel Madden says baby Harlow is a "mama's girl." He also says Nicole Richie is "a wonderful mother and looks really hot already... There's something so attractive about her now. It's a motherly glow." Aw, a compliment wrapped in an insult, sweet! [People]
• Miley Cyrus' new movie features a scene where she's riding in the back seat of a Range Rover — without a seat belt. SCANDAL. [USA Today]
• Sienna Miller told a British court she felt hunted and in a "threatening situation" when paparazzi chased her car across London in an attempt to find out where she lived. One day one of these aggro-pap stories is going to end very badly. [USA Today]
• On the 25th anniversary of Thriller, Michael Jackson thanks his fans and promises new music. Meanwhile, the old stuff is awesome! [USA Today]
• Relive some Michael Jackson memories here. [Rolling Stone]
• Michelle Williams is back in New York after attending Heath Ledger's funeral in Australia. [People]
• John Ritter's family is suing the doctors who treated him before he died; attorneys say because Ritter never got a chest X-ray, he got the wrong treatment, leading to his death. [Reuters]
• Gwyneth Paltrow may adopt a baby from Brooklyn; "I'm a New York girl," she says. [Mirror]
• Denise Richards' new reality show for E! will focus on her life as a single mom. Ryan Seacrest is producing. No comment. [Variety]
• Shrek The Musical: Coming to Broadway in December. [USA Today]

• An autopsy may be performed on Heath Ledger today to determine the cause of the actor's untimely death yesterday. While anti-anxiety drugs were found in the apartment, reports that pills were scattered around the body are said to be untrue. Heath did admit to having insomnia and taking Ambien. [News.com.au]
  
• Also, Heath had pneumonia when he died. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• But early reports are that Heath Ledger did not kill himself. [TMZ]
  
• Heath's rep calls the death an "accident." [People]
  
• Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, John Travolta and Geoffrey Rush are among the stars who have nothing but good things to say about the late Heath Ledger: He was "admired," "adored," and "extraordinary." [The West Australian]
  
• Heath's family says they are "saddened and shocked." [Us Magazine]
  
• Michelle Williams, Heath's former fiancé, is devastated. Naomi Watts has canceled all of her Sundance interviews. Additionally, Lindsay Lohan was seen sobbing inside a restaurant as she learned of Heath's death. [TMZ, E!, TMZ]

• The Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing Heath's funeral because the actor appeared in Brokeback Mountain and "God hates fags." [ONTD]
• Onto other news: In Kathleen Turner's upcoming autobiography, the husky-voiced actress disses Nicolas Cage: "Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth!" She also has snarky things to say about Burt Reynolds, hee hee. [Page Six]
• Regarding Britney buying pregnancy tests, photographer Adnan Ghalib says, "I think she was hoping she was pregnant with my child." Also, their relationship is "far from over" and dude would marry her... Especially now that his wife's filed papers to formally separate from him? [Page Six]
• Oh, and Adnan hit a motorcyclist on Tuesday night while driving Britney's car — Brit was in the passenger seat. No one was injured. [Perez Hilton]
• Paris Hilton on Britney Spears: "She's a great mother and a great girl and I really care about her. I wish the best for her and I just wish everyone would leave her alone so she could live her life." Shh, you're making it worse. [AP]
• Lenny Kravitz is celibate?!? And has been for three years? Huh. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé and Tina Turner are planning a "surprise" duet for the Grammys? That would be fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Charlie Sheen and ex-wife Denise Richards were in family court yesterday, and a judge ruled that Denise can do a reality show with her kids (with certain restrictions), even though Charlie objected. Won't be watching, but thanks anyway. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse visited a mental health clinic which specializes in addiction yesterday. Could be good news? [Telegraph]
• Hmm, but these pictures make it seem like she didn't go willingly. WTF. [ONTD]
• And police officers will be taking a look at Amy's crack-smoking video to "ascertain whether any action needs to be taken." [BBC]
• Toni Braxton has pericarditis — heart disease — and is joining a campaign to raise money and awareness for the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women. Is a check-up one of your New Year's resolutions? Be well, guys. [Newsweek]

• Britney Spears is not the only one in family court: The Charlie Sheen vs. Denise Richards custody battle is so on. Denise says Charlie exhibits "inappropriate conduct," including "attraction to underage women and sexual explicitness on the Internet, including revealing his private parts." Charlie says Denise "behaves as though she owns our children. She does not. A day of legal reckoning for her is fast approaching." [Access Hollywood, People]
  
• Yeah, Britney went clubbing 24 hours after the judge ordered her not to drink or do drugs within 12 hours of being responsible for the kids. So what? [Page Six]
  
• Quentin Tarantino wants to make a "cool sex movie" that's "got to be kind of kinky." We know, we know, it's too early for this kind of news. [Page Six]
  
• Did Rose McGowan lose a part in the Speed Racer movie because of her plastic surgery? [Gatecrasher]

• The Oscar De La Hoya drag queen pictures that went around yesterday? Photoshopped, says his rep. [Rush & Molloy]
• 17-year-old Gossip Girl star Connor Paolo: "I want to punch Zac Efron in the face." Way to get yourself in the gossip column, kid! [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which Latino TV heartthrob was spotted in L.A. Tuesday night, flirting and holding hands with a mystery brunette who is definitely not the girlfriend he has at home?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Benicio Del Toro on the beard he grew to play Che Guevara: "It makes airports tougher. There's a different line for the dangerous-looking characters. Girls don't check you out as much, and guys look down. But it's funny, the looks I get from street people. Suddenly, I'm their brother." [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Sinead O'Connor dedicated a song to Britney Spears at a concert last night. Bald ladies stick together! [E!]
• Alicia Silverstone's PETA ad (in which she is nekkid) was pulled from the Houston, TX airwaves. [E!]
• Usher has a fragrance? Seriously? The commercials are "sexy." [Concrete Loop]
• Kanye West's house: God's painted on the kitchen ceiling; the Jetsons are painted in the game room. Plus: giant daisy pillows, LOL. [The.Life Files]
• Amy Winehouse performed at an awards show in the UK last night but "twitched," "swayed" and "forgot half the words." [The Sun]
• Vanessa Hudgens says, "I would totally pose for a sexy magazine." Eh, we've already seen it. (link NSFW) [The Sun]
• Paris Hilton was banned from Munich's Oktoberfest because she "cheapened" last year's event. Wow. [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she almost cried during her on-air spat with Rosie O'Donnell on The View earlier this year. Boofuckinghoo. [Showbuzz]

It's not that the celebrity weeklies think that you won't believe them - heaven forbid!

It's just that, well, when really interesting facts are thin on the ground (Is Demi pregnant? Dunno, but she's wearing Galliano today), you've got to run with what you have. Which is usually what they had for lunch, or how they blew their nose at 3.17pm precisely, as observed by a reporter parked across the bar from them.

All the weeklies had flacks chasing celebrity groupie and TREACHEROUS WHORE Denise Richards as she followed new love Richie Sambora on the Bon Jovi tour to Dublin. Unable to gain access to their bedroom to note how often, how long and in what positions, the reporters fall on back on the old staples - mundane overheards and menu lists.

At least Us Weekly managed to get them making out by the pool, but not before telling us the amazing story that:

"Richards, 35, began teasing Sambora, 46, about his sunburn. 'He was joking about it too, and she was cracking up,' says an onlooker."

HIlarious. I must say.

But don't worry, Us soon gets around to what you really want to know. That's right. What they ate for dinner while dining at the 'pricey' bistro Restaurant Patrick Guilbaud.

"While noshing on salmon, deep-fried capers and bois bourdon sauce, Richards and Sambora Joked about the eatery's 70-page-long wine list. Richards passed on dessert."

Ah. How sweet. Unless......

It's lies, all lies!

According to Star:

"The couple....ate at upscale Restaurant Patrick Guilbaud. Dining on sea bass and asparagus, and lamb with a caviar of eggplant and piquillo peppers, along with plenty of wine,"

Well? Which is it? Salmon or sea bass? Capers or lamb? Wine, or jokes?

Heads should roll over this.