Kimora Lee Simmons Is Not Going To Let Russell Be Another Deadbeat Dad

• Russell Simmons is forking over $20,000 per daughter in child support to Kimora Lee, which seems about right when you take into account that they are not just children but living ambassadors of Fabulosity. [TMZ]
• Naomi Campbell was kind enough to get arrested wearing one of Nelson Mandela's signature baseball caps, thus showering millions of dollars in free publicity on his AIDS awareness campaign, and this is the thanks she gets? [MSNBC]
• Mary-Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley make out in the new movie The Wackness and now the guy we all associate with one of modern history's foremost humanist visionaires is going around talking about how making out with someone 42 years younger than him was completely cool and she was "totally in charge." [People]
• Miley Cyrus admits that her latest song "7 Things" is a very angry song, because it's about an ex-boyfriend, not a specific Jonas brotherly ex-boyfriend you understand, but just like a composite character ex-boyfriend, since anyone who's been around the block a few times knows that shitty guys generally adhere to a few typical patterns of behavior and also, hello, 15-year-old Disney teen idol confections maybe do not write their own songs. Not that their quotes don't sound like they do! "[It goes] through all the different stages of what's been going on the past couple years…It was like a little therapy moment for me." [People]

This Week In Tabloids: Jamie Lynn Is Jilted, Angelina Is Hormonal

Demi Moore Curiously Absent From SNL "Cougars" Skit

Demi Moore Trades Up To Human Leeches

Demi Moore Flips A Bitch

The Harper's (Bazaar) Index: The Couture Economy, Demi Moore, & Joan Collins' Issue With Rich Guys

Do people get confused by Harper's Magazine and Harper's Bazaar? After all, the luxury goods industry is not so different from Halliburton — shameless, ubiquitous, and sooo fucking talented at charging more for less. So again, we're taking things to their (ill)logical end with our own "Harper's (Bazaar) Index", inspired by Harper's famous feature, which parses the world of big oil, big money, big politics and Big Pharma and puts it into easily-digested numerical form. After the jump, Anna and I look at the April issues of both magazines and juxtapose America's economic troubles with John Galliano, mock Demi Moore's personal heroine and compare the average income of "attractive" American men with Joan Collins' anecdote about a rich, nasty Arab sheikh.

Pamela Anderson Is No Fan Of Leeches, Human Or Otherwise

Big Glasses, Shiny Hair, Pea Coat: Tallulah Is A Mini-Demi

Demi Moore Is Into Bloodsuckers, Brazilian Waxes

The Fashions At Flawless Were Anything But

A Posh Reality Show? Major!

• Victoria Beckham has been approached by Fox to host her own fashion reality TV show. Posh would travel around America — some small, "backwater" towns — finding style-challenged people, and giving them fashion make-overs. Geek to chic! [Marie Claire]
  
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon went to a play in New York on Sunday, but spent the whole time texting. Rude! [Page Six]
  
• Though he's been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze's doctor says he "has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far." [People]
  
• Demi Moore is on the cover of Bazaar and talks about her relationship with Ashton Kutcher inside: "People made such a fuss about it. You would have thought the world had never seen it before. Age wasn't what I was thinking about, but to the rest of the world it was a very big deal." [Perez Hilton]
  
• Demi's family portrait is hot. [People]

Double Trouble For Jennifer Lopez: The Babies Are Born

• Jennifer Lopez finally gave birth to her twins: She and Marc Anthony are the proud parents of a boy and a girl. The names have not yet been announced, but we're hoping they don't pick Jenny Jr. and Marc Jr. How about something like Luz and Libertad? [People]
  
• The 5-pound, 7-ounce girl arrived first, followed by her 6-pound brother minutes later. Jennifer and Marc are "thrilled and over the moon." [CNN]
  
• Amy Winehouse "trashed" her hotel room before the Brit Awards: Booze was spilled, cigarette butts were scattered, bottles of champagne and "unwashed knickers" were all over the floor. She also blackened the tub by using it to dye her hive. And there was a large mirror taken off the wall and lying on the floor. She's only a half-naked groupie shy of the full rock cliché box set! [The Sun]
  
• The restraining order finally served to Sam Lutfi means he must not contact Britney — including via telephone — through March 17. Progress! [TMZ]
  
• A bartender at NYC hotspot Socialista has hepatitis A, so Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Madonna, Lucy Liu, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson and Bruce Willis had better get shots! [Page Six]
  
• Hip-hop mogul Damon Dash during the lunar eclipse: "I'm a little scared." LOL. [Page Six]

Blake Overdoses; Amy Loses WeaveHive

• Did Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, overdose on heroin in jail? He was reportedly found passed out in his cell and rushed to the prison hospital. [TMZ]
  
• Amy went out in London and "left a pair of boob enhancers, like chicken cutlet things to push up your boobs, and some hair extensions in the toilet." Whoops! And hey, what was she doing in there, anyway, that she needed to ditch her cutlets and hair? [Page Six]
  
• This report claims that Blake traded signed pictures of Amy for drugs. [The Sun]
  
• Post-overdose Blake has been banned from all contact with the outside world. That means no visitors. Amy is going to freak the fuck out. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Diva alert! There's an empty private room with a luxurious brown leather couch in North Shore University Hospital on Long Island, patiently awaiting for Jennifer Lopez to give birth. "No one's even allowed in there until she gets here. It's just sitting there for her," says a source. [Page Six]
  
• After she gives birth, People magazine will probably pay J. Lo and Marc Anthony between $4 million and $6 million for photos of the twins. [Ad Age]

Lindsay Lohan & Brody Jenner: It's On

• Lindsay's loving LC's sloppy seconds! She hit New York City hotspots with Brody Jenner this weekend. Is there a Hollywood hottie that guy hasn't gone out with? [People]
  
• A private memorial was held in Los Angeles Saturday for Heath Ledger; his ex, Naomi Watts, attended along with family and close friends. [E!]
  
• Reports are coming in that Heath may have died of natural causes, as odd as that sounds. [TMZ]
  
• The big winners at the SAG awards last night were The Sopranos, No Country For Old Men. [Reuters]
  
• Daniel Day-Lewis won a SAG award for There Will Be Blood and dedicated it to Heath Ledger, saying, "I admired him very much." [People]

Lindsay Lohan To See Dead People

• Lindsay Lohan's DUI sentence includes working at a morgue for two 4-hour days. The court designs the program to show the deadly consequences of drunk driving. Think LL can handle a cadaver or two? [ET]
  
• As mentioned last night, Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. [The Sun]
  
• Your girl Britney Spears had the Kitson store opened for her at 1:30 AM and dropped $10,000 on like, hoodies. [TMZ]
  
• Hmm, sources are reporting that Britney has multiple personality disorder: When she speaks in a British accent she's "the British Girl" and when she loses the accent, she can't remember anything she did or what happened. Of course, we don't know who these "sources" are, so, you know, grain of salt and all that. [TMZ]

Kim Kardashian Is Spoken For; Britney's Got A Beau

• Kim Kardashian is engaged to NFL star Reggie Bush! We're starting to suspect she likes black guys. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney Spears spent New Year's Eve at a beach house in California with her sons, her court-appointed monitor and her new boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib — who was invited to Brit's hotel room last week and told other photogs it was "the best night of his life." Good luck, kids! [Page Six]
  
• A performer at a New York cabaret club spilled drinks on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; the owner says "Fuck Ashton and Demi... They spend nothing... I can't stand those two, and I applaud whoever spilt a drink on them." Damn, 2008 is gonna be great. [Page Six]
  
• Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia: It's on! Especially now that she has turned 18. (He's 30.) [TMZ]
  
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton: Expecting. Here's hoping that blind item about a singer "living out his sex fetish dreams" is not Thicke. [ONTD]