Uh, Angelina Jolie Skipped Her Aunt's Funeral For Brad Pitt's Premiere

For the first time since revealing her preventative double mastectomy to The New York Times, Angelina Jolie hit the red carpet with Maddox, Pax, and her really obscure commonlaw partner Brad Pitt at the premiere of his film World War Z, which I keep confusing with Z For Zachariah because because. She told the press:…

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Victoria's Secret Finally Finds Kate Upton Worthy Of Its Tacky Bras

Once Upton a time (last year), a Victoria's Secret model booker said the brand would never deign to hire Kate Upton because her look was "too obvious." For a store that sells boyshorts for 14-year-olds with "I Get Around" written in glitter on the ass, mind you. "We would never use Kate... She’s like a footballer’s wife,…

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Brad Pitt Retires Stunt Cock: No More Sex Scenes

If a sexually-dissatisfied Southern woman happens to be on the lam with her friend, she can no longer count on glistening young cowboy drifter Brad Pitt to make the fuck with her. Why? Because he doesn't do onscreen sex scenes anymore, out of respect for Angelina Jolie, and she does the same for him.

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Whoa: Angelina Jolie Is Also Having Her Ovaries Removed

In addition to the double mastectomy that Angelina Jolie underwent in February, we learned in her New York Times op-ed, she also plans on having an oophorectomy — ovary removal surgery, a procedure recommended for high-risk women before the age of 40. Without this, her BRCA1 gene still places her risk of ovarian…

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Sexy Sex Vampires Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Split Up

After three years of dating, Vampire Diaries' onscreen and real-life couple Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder have broken up. But TV's low-key equivalent of K-Stew and R-Patz will stay civil on the show because — quoth a source — they're "consummate professionals," and "will continue to work together and remain best…

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This Week in Tabloids: Demi Moore's Dating a Sikh Viking Yogi Sex God

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Kristine Gutierrez heads to the newsstand and buys the latest issues of Ok!, Life & Style, In Touch, Us and Star, where we lose our religion and worship celebrity "news." What does all this shit all mean? This week: Ann Curry is having the last laugh; the J'Anthrax wedding is off;…

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Catherine Zeta-Jones Is Back in the Hospital for Bipolar Disorder

Catherine Zeta-Jones has once again checked herself into an inpatient facility to be treated for bipolar II disorder. She'd completed a Connecticut hospital stint for the same reason in 2011. Her rep confirms: "Catherine has proactively checked into a health care facility. Previously Catherine has said that she is…

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Channing Tatum May Gamble on Guys and Dolls

Ohmaaaaagaaaaa, Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon Levitt are in talks to be cast as the Guys — Skye Masterson and Nathan Detroit respectively — in the Fox remake of Joseph L. Mankiewicz's 1955 movie musical Guys and Dolls. Which is kind of as perfect as it's gonna get without old-school Marlon Brando steaming up the…

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DEA Attempting To Ban Synthetic Weed

Yesterday the Drug Enforcement Administration moved to axe the sale and distribution of three types of "fake pot," synthetic marijuana mixtures imported primarily from China and India. (Maybe you recall discussions about this from Demi Moore's 911 call after she OD'd on the ersatz ganj last winter.)

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Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth Break Up Over Her Nonstop Partying

After months of false "Blogs who Cried Breakup" rumors surrounding Miley "Just Being Miley" Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, they finally huffed, and puffed, and blew the house down. Or something. IDK, wolves. BUT ANYWAY, the two have broken up on the reals, according to Page Six's multiple sources.

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