• Here's the thing about Courtney Love losing custody of her daughter: Frances Bean Cobain wants to live with her grandmother.

Courtney Love's lawyer says that's what Courtney losing legal control of her daughter is all about. He says: "Courtney's been clean for years and is perfectly fine. This is simply about Frances preferring to live with her grandmother at this time. Frances is 17 and a strong-willed child, and this is a decision she made on her own." Wendy O'Connor, Courtney's Kurt's mother and Frances's grandmother, lives in Olympia, Washington, and last year, Frances told Bazaar: "She's probably the person I respect most out of anybody in the world." Do you remember when Courtney went on a Twitter rant in September? Frances Bean tweeted: "Someone adopt me please?" [People]

• Courtney Love's lawyer: "All I can tell you as Courtney's friend is that she loves her daughter more then anything in the world. Courtney will no doubt do what is best for Frances and will surely take her teenage daughter's desire and feelings into consideration with respect to the legal guardian issue." [Radar Online]
• Nicole Kidman's daughter Sunday Rose knows baby sign language. "She's picked it right up, Nicole says. As for her 17-year-old daughter, Bella: "She's incredibly talented… She expresses herself through drawing." [Showbiz 411]
• Yesterday's rant must have gotten him in a heap of trouble: Chris Brown has deleted his Twitter account. [Perez]
• Michael Lohan was arrested this weekend, after calling his ex-girlfriend — who has a restraining order against him. Whoops. [TMZ, Newser]
• Bethenny Frankel stripped naked for giant PETA billboard. "It's so tasteful and beautifully done," she claims. "I am especially pleased because it doesn't look like there's been any airbrushing, and I was already pregnant when I shot it." No airbrushing? Pardon us while we LOL. [Page Six]
• BREAKING: After giving birth yesterday, Kourtney Kardashian wanted a tuna sandwich. [TMZ]
• Elton John and David Furnish still want to adopt a kid, even though their attempt to adopt a 17-month old Ukrainian child who lives in an orphanage was denied. Furnish says: "We were upset not to be allowed to adopt but we'll fight and work with the Ukrainian government to change the law so that HIV positive children can be adopted. We'll be like uncles. They can visit us on holidays." [The Sun]
• So… Toby Keith was at the Nobel Peace Prize party, and Will Smith performed "Rapper's Delight." When the word "yellow" was uttered in the line "to the black, to the white, the red, and the brown, the purple and yellow," Keith pulled his eye into a slant. Asian people love that, right? [TMZ]
• A-Rod says: "I'm definitely single." Guess he won't be on Kate Hudson's arm at any Nine premieres. Still, a source says: "They've definitely broken up. There's been some drama before about his roving eye. But this isn't the first time they've split up and got back together." [Page Six]
• A-Rod was seen in Miami over the weekend in the company of a leggy blonde. A "snitch" says: "Alex has a wandering eye, and Kate is a hopeless romantic. It's not exactly the perfect match." [Gatecrasher]
• Wait, what? Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren is having a "secret meeting" with Victoria Beckham? Apparently friends have urged Elin to talk to Posh, whose own marriage was threatened by claims David Beckham had an affair with his assistant, Rebecca Loos. [The Sun]
• Several women involved with Tiger Woods claim that he wired money to them — from $5000-$10,000 — on a monthly basis. "The money comes via a wire transfer," said one woman. "There's no contract about it, there's no discussion about what it's for, but it's implied that it's in exchange for keeping quiet about his affair." And! Apparently Elin has taken his cell phone away. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Jaimee Grubbs, who had a relationship with Tiger Woods, has been calling and texting an ex-boyfriend, boasting about her notoriety. A sample: "Hey u... It's been rough... I'm very well known now and everything I do is being blasted across the Internet… I'm on every news channel and in every magazine as Tiger Woods mistress." [Radar Online]
• Items like this one, about how Tiger Woods got out of sticky situations in the past, make you wonder about all the kinds of things celebrities get away with. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Garner's stalker was arrested Monday, and sorry to be judgy, but he's totally got a super creepy mug shot. [Radar Online]
• Alabaster-skinned Kelly Osbourne is the face of St. Tropez self-tanning lotions? Ah: Fake-baking is just one of the many things she learned on Dancing With The Stars! [Page Six]
• Chace Crawford was seen drinking red wine alone and texting. Stars! Just like us. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé hearts interactive theater. [Page Six]
• Jimmy Fallon's Michael Jackson impression is allegedly impressive. [Page Six]
• Ron Howard and daughter Bryce Dallas Howard would like to make a movie together; Bryce blames her dad for not making it happen: "He knows for a fact that I pester him every single day to put me in a movie. I really want to work with him!" [Gatecrasher]
• Daniel Day Lewis thinks Jeff Bridges should win the Oscar for Crazy Heart. "Everyone loves him. And he's so good." [Showbiz 411]
• Mel Gibson "rarely" has time for his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, or their six-week-old daughter, Lucia. According to a source. "Mel can go days without even stopping by Oksana's home and checking in on Lucia - much less feeding her, putting her down for a nap or changing a diaper," spills a source. "Mel tells Oksana he isn't raising Lucia any differently than he did his other passel of kids, and that (his estranged wife, Robyn Gibson) really did the raising." [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• "A movie company that hired Samuel L. Jackson to star in a big-budget film is pissed off they weer forced to settle for Laurence Fishburne instead, this according to a new lawsuit." [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski's The Ghost, starring Pierce Brosnan and Ewan McGregor, will be released in the U.S. as The Ghost Writer in early 2010. [NY Daily News]
• Coming to a silver screen near you: In The Heights — based on the Broadway musical — directed by Kenny Ortega. Meanwhile, Corbin Bleu will do the show on Broadway. [Page Six]
• Alan Arkin's character in The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee: Loosely based on Arthur Miller. [Page Six]
• In a world of losers, SpongeBob SquarePants is a winner. [NY Daily News]
• The New York Film Critics Circle chose The Hurt Locker as best picture. Will director Kathryn Bigelow get an Oscar nod? [NY Post]
• A cheat sheet for the movies which will "most likely" be Oscar nominees at the link. [NY Post]
• BREAKING: Whatshisname doesn't like boobs. [The Sun]
• "Dear Santa, I want a boy for Christmas... wanna hook a sista up?! Oh, and not just any boy… one that holds the door open for you, and writes hand written letters, and spends time with the (parents).. ya hurrd?" — Teen star Demi Lovato, via Twitter. [MSNBC]
• "I thought a divorce was the best thing for both of them at the time, as they were a destructive influence on each other. But I was sad Blake had lost the love of his life. I speak to Amy on the phone. She said to me recently: 'You have an amazing son who is gorgeous and beautiful and sensitive. But other people don't see it.' I'm convinced Blake and Amy will remarry early next year. I don't know when, where or how it will happen. I'd like to be at the wedding this time round but I wouldn't be surprised if they went away and got hitched without anyone knowing about it. Whatever they do, I think it's going to be a happy ending this time." — Georgette Civil, mother of Blake Fielder-Civil, who says the drama between her son and Amy Winehouse almost drove her to suicide: "All this has taken a big toll on my own life… I reached my lowest ebb over the summer and even thought about ending it all." [Daily Express]
• "When I met Carey, I was an abused puppy in the corner, ready to bite anyone who put their hand out." — Pink says she has softened since meeting her husband. She also claims: "I've always said I like Britney. I swear to God, I've stuck up for Britney since the beginning." [Gatecrasher via Women's Health]

• Maybe all those hysterical parents were right about Marilyn Manson. In his latest video he violently beats a woman who looks like his ex-girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, then leaves her bloody, dead body in a bathtub.

• You can check out the video for "Running To The Edge Of The World" here, if you must: [Perez Hilton]
• Sharon Osbourne said of Susan Boyle: "I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse. God bless her. It's like, ‘You go girl'. She does look like a hairy arsehole... [God] gave her the talent. Yes he did. [And] he hit her with a fucking ugly stick." [BlackBook Magazine]
• Kate Gosselin has the kids for Thanksgiving so Jon Gosselin will be eating with Hailey Glassman. "My family and I would never let him eat Thanksgiving dinner alone in an apartment," said Hailey. "He's coming to our house for Thanksgiving. I don't care." Then she bickered with Jon and informed him that he's "not doing my family any favors," by coming. [Us]
• TLC is planning on calling some bombshell witnesses in their case against Jon Gosselin. The court has allowed the network's lawyer to depose Hailey Glassman, Jon's bodyguard, Jon's former lawyer Mark Heller, and Michael Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Stripper Nicole Forrester says she and Josh Duhamel "had lots of sex" at a hotel after he came into her strip club while he was married to Fergie. Her lawyer adds, "They fell asleep together, and he kept waking her up to have more sex." [Us]
• Josh Duhamel has issued a statement about the cheating allegations saying, "This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity. This story is absolutely ridiculous. It is unfortunate that we have to respond to a story that was created because money was exchanged between a tabloid and this woman." [ET]
• Fergie says: "These allegations are nonsense." [ET]
• Fergie had to gain a little weight for Nine and she says Josh Duhamel, "was excited. He enjoys having both: the extra meat to grab when it's there and the tight stomatch when that's there." [Us]
• Beyonce will perform in Egypt for the first time on Friday, but Islamic conservatives are calling her show an "insolent sex party" that threatens the Muslim nation's "social peace and stability." [USA Today]
• Authorities in Malawi threatened to arrest protesters blocking the construction of Madonna's girls school. The 140 villagers are demanding more money for the land the government leased to her charity Raising Malawi. [Reuters]
• Adidas has ended their $3 million sponsorship deal with the University of Central Florida because Michael Jordan's son, Marcus Jordan, wore his father's brand of Nike shoes to an exhibition game last night. [ABC News]
• The jury in the John Travolta extortion trial had enough votes to convict Pleasant Bridgewater and Tarino Lightbourne before the judge declared a mistrial. [Radar Online]
• Keith Lewis, executive director of the Miss California USA organization, is writing a Carrie Prejean tell-all book titled Pageant Bitch. [Perez Hilton]
• Sources say when Miss California USA officials started playing Carrie Prejean's X-rated tape she said, "that's disgusting," then insisted it wasn't her... until the camera panned up to her face. [TMZ]
• U2 is performing in Berlin to mark the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, but people are upset because a two meter wall barrier was built around the venue to keep those without tickets out. [BBC]
• Rue McClanahan has been hospitalised after suffering from acute cardiac illness. A tribute to Rue that was planned for November 14 had to be cancelled. "My darlings, I'm just devastated that I am going to have to miss my own tribute at the Castro Theatre," she said. "Unfortunately, my doctor has laid down the law, and I'm currently having some maintenance on the old ticker. Trust me, I'd much rather be in San Francisco having fun and being adored by all of you." [ONTD]
• Adam Lambert just broke up with Drake LaBry and he already has a new boyfriend: singer/songwriter Ferras Alqaisi, who worked with him on his new album. [Star]
• Emmy Rossum Tweeted: "Just saw the first half of the interview of Diane Sawyer speaking to Rihanna about domestic violence. She speaks honestly, bravely... So many of my friends have experienced this, it's very close to my heart. I urge young women - & really women of any age - to watch it... If someone is hurting you, or has hurt you, I urge you to tell someone. Do not be afraid to come forward,tell your friends, tell your family." [Perez Hilton]
• Sources say Debbie Rowe is headed back to court because in the four months since Michael Jackson died she hasn't seen their kids. [Showbiz 411]
• ANTM's Sundai declared winning the competition was "more important than living" so naturally people were worried about her when she was elminated last night. She says, "I'm OK now. It's funny how many people called me and said, "Oh my god, it was so sad...are you OK?" [E!]
• Could Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami be fake?! Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian claimed NBA star Rashad McCants cheated on Khloe after they hacked into his voice mail and found messages left by a female fan. But McCants said they "made the whole thing up" because they didn't have his phone number and had "already called it quits" when the segment was taped in January. [Us]
• Levi Johnston is demanding a retraction from NBC because he claims the Tweets that William Shatner read last night on the Tonight Show were fake and that he did not write "anybody know where I can get some good weed?" [TMZ]
• Elton John has left the hospital after being treated for the flu and a "serious case" of e. coli infection. [People]
• Demi Lovato Tweets: "There's been a lot of rumors lately that I'm dating one of my best friends Joe [Jonas]. I can promise my entire career that I am not. It's unfortunate that some people out there are so desperate for attention that they have to make up gossip to keep their site alive." [People]
• Uma Thurman says she's excited about training again for the third Kill Bill movie. She says: "They train you so hard that when you come to shooting, it's actually quite comfortable. It's not the same as real kung-fu, and I could not defend myself now if someone picked a fight! It was a transforming experience; I was part of a fight team for almost nine months, and that changed my life. They taught me to work harder than I had ever done before, physically, and it's an incredible thing to discover that your breaking point is actually much higher than you think. It's a great gift." [Daily Express]
• "I thought I was going to be one of those easy-going brides," says Jenna Fisher. "I never really thought about it. Whatever … a piece of paper, words – send it out." But then she went to the store to buy wedding invitations. "Three hours I sat there with the all the books," she says. "I turned into a crazy person. My fiancé was like, 'What about the slap it on the piece of paper with crayon and send it out?' But now I'm pouring over the paper quality!" [People]
• Will Smith's first marriage in 1992 ended in divorce and he says it's "Probably the most painful loss of my life. I quit. I could have fixed it. It really was not that bad. With Jada, I stood up in front of God and my family and friends and said, 'Till death do us part.' So there are two possible outcomes: we are going to be together till death or I am dead." [Daily Express]
• Chiwetel Ejifor, who stars in 2012 says, "When I started reading the script it was impossible to put it down. The film is incredibly fast-paced but doesn't sacrifice any of the moral or characteristic drama that is necessary to work in conjunction with all the epic destruction and CGI stuff." [The Telegraph]
• Bret McKenzie says he's not sure if Flight of the Conchords will come back for a third season, "and if we do it will take a while because we need to write a lot of material," he said, explaining that it could take "ten years," and not for the whole season. "That's for one episode. So to do a season of say six episodes, would take 60 years. We could be getting very old." [The Independent]
• Patricia Clarkson says of her new film Cairo Time, "I've always been the secondary, the tertiary character. And now here I am, playing not just a wife, but the Wife. You know, move aside, boys. And if I can be vain about it, it's a real treat to play a lovely, enticing, sexual woman. But it required so much of me. It was kind of brave of Ruba to really write this part for an actress of my age, 49." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Were you aware that Mariah Carey had to make herself look uglier in Precious? "I had to lose all vanity," Carey said. "I had to change my demeanor, my inside, layers of who I am, to become that woman." [L.A.T.]
• Vincent Kartheiser says Mad Men co-star Elisabeth Moss' wedding to Fred Armisen was, "Not a lot of hoopla and waiting around. Really simple and beautiful. Elisabeth said stuff that made me cry... They were really just speaking to each other and the people they loved." Christina Hendricks' wedding to Geoffrey Arend "was much smaller" he says, "Everyone seemed to know each other. I also cried in that wedding!" [Us]

• Mischa Barton's former friend Nicole Richie is helping her get her life back together after her recent meltdown. Nicole, "stepped in and talked to her about making changes in her life… basically doing a 360," says a source.

• "Mischa isn't even smoking anymore, thanks to Nicole... Nicole told Mischa that she has to straighten up because she has a lot riding on this new show," added the source. We hate to question an anonymous source, but it seems her math is a little off there. [Radar Online]
• Maybe the rumors are true: Mischa Barton is scheduled to return to work on The Beautiful Life later this week. Her rep says she "will be resuming production as planned with the rest of the cast in NYC. She's back to business as usual." [People]
• Jessica Simpson said she's not going to ask Tony Romo to return the $100,000 boat she got him for his last birthday. She explained, "I'm not an Indian giver." [TMZ]
• Joe Simpson says Jessica Simpson is "doing very good," since the breakup and she got a 5-carat diamond ring this weekend from a random jewelry designer at a party. What more could a girl want? [E!]
• "Jen romping with so publicly with Butler is like stabbing a knife through Brad's heart," claims a source, because as we all know the only reason Jennifer Aniston continues to pursue romantic relationships is to make Brad Pitt jealous. [ONTD]
• Just so you know, Brad Pitt bought another motorcycle. [The Daily Mail]
• Some are interpreting a reference Miley Cyrus made on Twitter to a John Mayer song to mean that she's going to break up with Nick Jonas for Justin Gaston... or something like that. We can't spend anymore time trying to make sense of a 16-year-old's Tweets. [People]
• Apparently Demi Lovato is still friends with Miley Cyrus even though she just broke up with her brother Trace Cyrus. Lovato says, "Recently [Miley] sent me this four-page text message encouraging me and telling me she has faith in me. It was so inspiring and made me feel great – because I do get a bit overwhelmed by the paps sometimes." [People]
• Amy Winehouse is shipping all of her equipment back from the Caribbean so she can set up a new studio and start recording her third album. [The Sun]
• Now that their divorce is finalized, Blake Fielder-Civil continues to spill details about Amy Winehouse. He says of the first time she tried heroin, "We had a bottle of pink champagne and had sex and were lying on the bed together talking. I'd been smoking heroin on my own before that, but never in front of her. I got a bit for myself, and she looked at me and said, 'Can I have some?' I was out of my mind on drugs and I said, 'Of course'. She inhaled the heroin and then just sat back, smiled and her eyes went a bit funny. She said, 'I can see why you take this'. Amy took to heroin like a duck to water, same as me." [The Sun]
• DEA agents raided Dr. Conrad Murray's home in Las Vegas today looking for Michael Jackson's medical records. An agent spoke to the press and said Dr. Murray was home during the raid. [TMZ, TMZ]
• A spokeswoman for Dr. Conrad Murray's lawyer said, "It's a waste of time responding to all these timed ‘leaks' from ‘anonymous' sources... I have no doubt they want to make a case – for goodness sakes, it's Michael Jackson - but things tend to shake out when all the facts are made known." [Radar Online]
• According to Brody Jenner he doesn't hang out with Lauren Conrad anymore. "I haven't seen much of her since she left the show," said Brody. It's almost like the producers of The Hills were forcing them to hang out. [E!]
• Apparently this L.A. Candy movie is all part of Lauren Conrad's master plan. "Lauren's goal is to get into producing – it always was," says a source, "It was always to make L.A. Candy into a film or TV show. She's been in talks about it." [People]
• Daniel Bark, the man who allegedly hit and killed American Idol hopeful Alexis Cohen has been charged with aggravated manslaughter by causing the death of another while fleeing from law enforcement officers, vehicular homicide and eluding police. Bark's attorney says he's on suicide watch. [UPI, Extra]
• Simon Cowell is dating Mezghan Hussainy, a make-up artist who works on American Idol. [The Daily Mail]
• Marilyn Manson wrote this threat to journalists on his blog: "I can, but do not need to defend myself And the absurd accusations that the average press has clinged onto. If we need a nude photo of me to prove that I am far different than the soon-to-be-murdered-in-their-home press has decided to fabricate, that is easy. But if one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech. I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat. Mm" [Perez Hilton]
• It seems Marilyn Manson's comments were a reaction to a recent L.A. Weekly interview that paints him as a paranoid cocaine addict and claims ex Evan Rachel Wood was nicknamed "Snowflake" because "when they played shows, she'd hold all the coke." [Rolling Stone]
• A few days before their split from Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian said in an interview about their house hunting expedition, "I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and ... It is time for me to move. I wish my sisters could move in with me...I don't think I would ever live with someone unless I'm engaged. I'm really firm on that. I have done it before. I would tell all my friends, the best thing is to keep your independence. It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself." Of course, People thinks this is "telling." [People]
• Hulk Hogan's divorce from Linda Bollea is nearing an end. This morning they agreed to a final settlement over their assets and Hulk told reporters, "I'm a free man." [TMZ]
• Supposedly just six months into their relationship Josh Duhamel and Fergie's relationship is on the rocks because he wants to start a family and she wants to pursue her career. "Publicly they're painting a picture of sheer bliss, but behind the scenes, cracks in their young marriage are beginning to show," says a source. [The National Enquirer]
• The Sun quoted Estelle, who sings "American Boy" as Tweeting "Rihanna just doesn't do it for me," but she says they were actually quoting one of her followers and she never insulted Rihanna. [The Daily Express]
• Ashley Jensen of Ugly Betty and her husband, actor Terence Beesley, are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Ethan and Joel Coen's A Serious Man and Drew Barrymore's Whip It will premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival. [Variety]
• Warren Beatty's lawyer is arguing that it would be too expensive and inconvenient for him to travel to Delaware for the trial to settle a dispute about the movie and TV rights to Dick Tracy. [AP]
• A reporter on Good Day Scramento joked during an interview with Joan Rivers that her daughter Melissa Rivers was just riding her coattails. Joan replied: "I think we're going to end the interview right here. Don't be so fucking smart." [TMZ]
• Josh Brolin says sex with Megan Fox was "uncomfortable" ... on screen in their film Jonah Hex. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted flirting with Ashley Roberts of the Pussycat Dolls. [The Sun]
• According to a press release from E!'s Daily 10, Kevin Federline says of his relationship with Britney Spears, "It's been really cordial, you know, thank God. We've had our rough patches, but you know, right now, we're doing great." And concerning the rumors that he'll star in a reality show about him getting back into shape, Kev says, "It would probably be pretty interesting, you know?"
• A reporter asked Nora Ephron if it's possible to achieve real happiness without butter. She replied: "I feel this way, but, you know, there are probably some people who have probably achieved happiness without it. But I feel sorry for them." [The L.A. Times]
• Dame Judi Dench was almost hit by a speeding taxi in London. The driver yelled, "You stupid cunt!" and she replied, " That's Dame Cunt to you!" [Perez Hilton]
• Diane Keaton has spearheaded a campaign to keep a developer from demolishing the Century Plaza Hotel, a curving glass and steel building made in the '60s that Keaton calls, "a sexy woman surrounded by ogling men – Sophia Loren in the 1960s". [The Independent]
• "Who's not Team Edward?" says Jennifer Love Hewitt of Twilight's Edward Cullen, "There is not a girl in the world who's not Team Edward! Have you met girls who are not Team Edward? Well, they are not girls! They're aliens from another planet who should not be allowed to exist... Listen, Edward can fly you through the forest. He's like Aladdin with vampire teeth - there's magic-carpet rides. He can sing. He can watch you sleep. He plays music. He sniffs your neck. I mean, please!" [MTV]

In a world of silk-garment photo-shoots and leaked camera-phone undie pics, it's nice to know that the majority of Disney's stable of young stars toe the line: indeed, a weird number. While it's natural that people who work together, are isolated from the rest of existence, and see each other every day should become incolved, the numbers still seem suspiciously high. There's Zac and Vanessa, of course; but also the dramatic Miley-Selena-Nick love triangle, and, until recently, Selena's BFF Demi Lovato (who's also been linked to Joe Jonas) and Miley's brother Trace. It's as incestuous as an isolated polygamists' cult - or a high school with no other students.

How do we know? Teen mags, select interviews, tabloids. None of this seemed quite so sinister before the Cyrus Affair and Disney's angry Big-Brother response, but now the mouse behind the curtain seems to loom in a way even youngsters can't ignore. As the Guardian relates, since their (very public) split, Demi and Trace have taken it to the Tweets:

"I know there's such thing as a Mr Right," tweets Demi. "But can there be such thing as a Mr Not Right Now . . . ?" Alas, it is not long before she is musing "Ur So Gay, Katy Perry – such a well written, relatable song. ;) HaHaHaHa."

"Another storybook ending," declares Trace sarcastically, before posting a picture of the girlfriend before Demi.

"I'm sorry, was that supposed to hurt?" responds Demi. "Hmm. Oh well."

Since it seems fairly sure that these kids do approximately nada without the mouse's say-so, one can only assume that, as opposed to these renegade photo shoots, this sort of thing is sanctioned: relatable, G-rated high school romance that can give the thousands of followers a vicarious heartbreak - just as they get a thrill when we just happen to learn that Nick Jonas has bought Miley a wholesome (but aspirationally large!) promise ring.

It's not to say these romances are fake (who could manufacture the pain of Disney-born "Cry Me a River?!") but doubtless...encouraged. One can only assume there are plenty of other relationships - and spats - we're not reading about. When one starts to make the jump to Old Hollywood and their publicity machines, though, you can't help but start to recall lurid stories - of gay stars set up in sham marriages, pregnancies disguised, narratives spun. I'm not saying that's happening today - I don't think it could happen today, not with Perez etc. on the loose - but if anyone could do it, it's Disney, the one place that still trucks in modern fantasy - and the accompanying old-fashioned cynicism.

Even Disney's Magic Can't Protect Its Teen Lovers From Heartbreak [Guardian]

• Chris Brown has released a video apology for assaulting Rihanna. He says: "I've told Rihanna countless times and I'm telling you today that I am truly, truly sorry...

• "Although I will do some interviews and answer some questions in the future, I felt that it was time that you heard directly from me that I am sorry," says Chris. He claims that it's taken him this long to apologize because his lawyers wouldn't let him speak about the case, but now he's asking fans to forgive him. He adds that he's in counseling and, "I intend to live my life so that I'm truly worthy of the word 'role model.'" [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton's rep says the rumors that she wound up in the hospital after a three-day coke bender, "completely preposterous." [OK]
• A source says Mischa Barton's drug and alcohol use cost her friends, including Nicole Richie. "In the last few years, her dark side has really come out," says the source. "Her friends, like Nicole, want to be supportive but they really can't be around her too much. She's too volatile. It makes us sad, but we're also like, 'Pull it together and get help already." [People]
• Austin Stark, the director of Mischa Barton's new film Homecoming says, "I'm very concerned about her... First and foremost, we hope she gets better. I don't know exactly what happened ... I wish she wasn't going through the turmoil that she is right now." [People]
• Jon Gosselin was spotted playing in the park... with his girlfriend Hailey Glassman, not his kids. The two were photographed on the swings, holding hands, and kissing. [Radar Online]
• Jackass star Bam Margera was taken to the hospital yesterday after paramedics responded to a 911 call from his Pennsylvania home for a "possible overdose." [TMZ]
• Though his mom claims he was just "severely dehydrated." [TMZ]
• Paula Abdul is mad because Ryan Seacrest has a $45 million three year deal with American Idol, but she only makes about $2 million a year. The producers want her back but now she's pretending she might not return. [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell says of Paula Abdul, "She'll be fine. She'll be on the show... I don't get a lot of say. I've just made it clear that I want Paula on the show. Full stop." [People]
• A representative for Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's doctor, says that rumors that he isn't cooperating with the police are, "Absolutly untrue. Murray continues to cooperate fully with investigators and there have been no requests for additional interviews." [Radar Online]
• Several studios are in a bidding war over the rehearsal footage from Michael Jackson's "This Is It" comeback concert. Sony's movie studio bid $50 million for the distribution rights. [AP]
• Christina Milan says of her engagement to music producer The Dream, "We don't have [wedding] plans yet — but it hasn't [already] happened, that I can confirm. We just want to have our closest friends and family there; it's not going to be too big." [UPI]
• Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus' brother Trace were apparently dating, but now that they've broken up Twitter has exploded with their teenage drama. Trace, Miley, their mom Tish, and Demi all posted passive aggressive Tweets. For example, in response to "mommytish"'s Tweet "It really makes me sad that most people find it so easy to hurt other people. Why is that? I never want to hurt anyone…… EVER," Miley wrote: "We can't control the path of their wicked hearts mama. All we can do is shine a light & guide their way back home. Smile mommy." [Perez Hilton]
• Organizers of the Les Vieilles Charrues festival in France say that Lily Allen pulled out of the charity concert at the last minute. On Friday she cancelled another appearance at Spain's Benicassim festival because she was sick, but she says she never agreed to do the French festival. She Tweeted: "This is rubbish, I am sorry for pulling out [of Benicassim] yesterday, I am ill though. I've never heard of this French festival." [The Daily Express]
• In a new book a doctor who tried to save Jimi Hendrix's life on the night he died says he believes he may have been murdered by having red wine and sleeping pills forced down his throat. [The Daily Mail]
• Foxy Brown is being sued for the $641,558 she owes in taxes. She allegedly stopped paying her taxes in 2003. [Contact Music]
• Tony Romo, who has been seen partying most nights since he brokeup with Jessica Simpson says, When you let your mind wander or think about other things, you're setting yourself up for failure. So I just try to stay focused. I've done a pretty good job of that this week." But, a friend says that Tony is "emotionally drained" right now. [People]
• Jessica Simpson went out with her friends on Saturday for a girls night out. She Tweeted: "Love my ladies!!!... Wish I could be with them everyday of my life. Laughter is wonderful :)" [People]
• Susan Boyle says of her rise to fame, "It's just been unbelievable, it's indescribable... I'm having a wonderful time. I don't want it to end. It's just really good. She added, "Being plucked from obscurity is a bit like going on a long journey, really; you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know how it's going to end." [The Mirror]
• Mindy Cohn, a.k.a. Natalie from The Facts of Life is starring in a new film about a straight woman with many gay friends who decides she needs to date a "fag stag," a straight man OK with her gay friends. When asked if the role was a stretch for her, she said, "In Fire Island, I was getting drinks for Calvin Klein's butt-boy... It's my life!" [The Village Voice]
• Ashton Kutcher tweeted this weekend, "Wifey just got a new haircut. What do you guys think? I love it." Then linked to a Photoshopped picture of Demi Moore with a mohawk. She replied, "I have the buzzer ready baby!" [E!]
• Here's a sampling of things people say to Seth Green at Comic-Con: "How tall are you?", "Can you sign my boobs?", "You were great as Bud Bundy." [Entertainment Weekly]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick went out this weekend for the first time since they brought home their twins. They attend an AIDS fundraiser in the Hamptons. [The Huffington Post]
• A Time reporter discovered that Adrian Grenier is a member of his food co-op in Brooklyn, which requires members to work at the store for a few hours a week. When the reporter told another member that Grenier was working in the back, she had no idea who he was because she doesn't own a TV. [Time]
• At the link you can listen to the 911 call made on Friday from Nadya Suleman's house. First a child calls and hangs up without saying anything. Then when the dispatcher calls back an adult says everything is fine. Then an adult calls again and says two-year-old Caleb is "vomiting nonstop." He was taken to the hospital and released that night. [TMZ]
• Pink has rescheduled a show in Brisbane because she has laryngitis. [Brisbane Times]
• Rumors that Jennie Garth has left the new 90210 are untrue. She just signed a deal to return for multiple episodes this fall. [Entertainment Weekly]
• [The Daily Mail]
• Though her new film is all about the rules of romantic relationships, Katherine Heigl says she doesn't follow them. "I'm not very good at being a wife because I sort of break them all," said Heigl, "So does he, though, so whatever." [People]
• Chef Mario Batali has been cast in the film Bitter Feast. The film is about a celebrity chef who takes revenge on a food critic who gives him a bad review. Batali will play the owner of the chef's restaurant. [UPI]
• Here's a very lengthy description of a fan's Ed Westwick sighting. He was understandably freaked out when she walked up to him and said "I love you. And I am so sorry to bother you right now and I don't mean to freak you out but I want to enjoy my dinner but I can't even think about eating knowing you're back here and please don't leave... [N.Y. Magazine]
• You can check out the video for Coldplay's "Strawberry Swing" here: [Rolling Stone]
• Annette Merar, the first wife of Phil Spector has been reported missing from her home in Van Nuys, California. [UPI]
• "I get very dark moods for no reason. Nothing in particular brings it on. You can be having the best time of your life and yet you're utterly and totally miserable. I get very anti-social, depressed and irritable with people. I don't have time for them. I can't make phone calls and stuff. I just sit on my own for days... If I went to see a psychiatrist, it would be a long session... I've always thought that I do have a number of issues that probably need dealing with because I am quite odd in some ways." — Simon Cowell [Now Magazine]

[Los Angeles, July 17. Image via Getty.]

• Lindsay Lohan turns 23 tomorrow, but she's allegedly already been paid $70,000 by the MGM Grand for hosting an all-day "pre-celebration" in Las Vegas last Saturday.

Even though LL changed bathing suits five times and promoted her Sevin Nyne tanning product, a source says: "None of her really close friends were there" and LL just did it for the cash. [Page Six]

• Meghan McCain thinks Hilary Duff would be a great choice to play her in a movie: "I think she's really hot - hotter than me - but I'd still want her to play me." [Gatecrasher]
• Even though Mariah Carey was supposedly dressed like Eminem for her "Obsessed" video, she looks more like that dude from Linkin Park, no? [Gatecrasher]
• Heidi Klum: Expecting a girl? There were pink cupcakes at her baby shower! [Gatecrasher]
• "A close Michael Jackson confidant tells The Daily Beast's Gerald Posner he believes the star triggered his death with a foolhardy plan to void a concert commitment: mixing pills to prompt a minor hospital visit." "Like a child who doesn't want to go to school, Michael thought he could get away from his obligations if he had a 'note from the doctor.'" [The Daily Beast]
• A registered nurse named Cherilyn Lee has stated that Michael Jackson was an insomniac who begged for strong sedative drugs to induce sleep. [AP, AP]
• TMZ says: "We're told the drug Propofol was discovered at the [Jackson] residence. The drug is used to put people under anesthesia before surgery. It is an extremely powerful drug that is only available to medical personnel. As one source said, 'There is no conceivable way this drug can be properly prescribed for home use.'" [TMZ]
• If Neverland becomes a memorial site, don't go looking for Michael Jackson's animals — they won't be coming back. [TMZ]
• The man who kept Neverland from being auctioned says: "We must be prepared for the fact that visitors and fans will come, with or without permission or an invitation." [Yahoo via E!]
• A concrete truck arrived at Neverland yesterday. Preparations for the memorial? [TMZ]
• "Ukrainians Want Village Named After Michael Jackson." [Breitbart]
• "There is nobody who knew Michael like I did… For instance, people always think of him as talking in that high, soft voice, but he didn't really speak like that - it was a facade. Still to this day I am not sure why he did it. The Michael I knew talked like a real man, acted like a real man and shook a hand like a real man." — David Gest, an authority on manliness. [The Sun]
• Here, Quincy Jones talks about the music he and Michael Jackson made together. [WSJ]
• In his last "interview," — which seems to be just chatter from the Staples center — Michael Jackson was rehearsing and said: "This is where I belong. I am so excited. We need a bit more work on a few more songs but we're so nearly there. This is what it's all about. Me being on stage." [Mirror]
• The Iowa State Fair is planning a butter sculpture of Michael Jackson. [MSNBC]
• Video. From Dolly Parton. Mourning Michael Jackson, whom she says had "the heart of an angel." [EW]
• "Joe Jackson Still Has Power To Upset Family" Duh. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Photographer Kevin Mazur took pictures of Michael Jackson's rehearsal at the Staples Center. He says: "Michael was physically fit and performing the same way that I photographed him through the years. You can look at the photos. I documented it, I was there." He says he was shocked to find out Jackson had died a few days later, because: "He was full of energy and full of life."[BBC News]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but the Michael Jackson shot OK! is using on their cover this week is being called "ghoulish" and a "disgrace." [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson's will: Filed today. [TMZ]
• 200 friends, colleagues and family members — including jailed son Redmond O'Neal, Ryan O'Neal, Alana Stewart, Lee Majors, Ernie Hudson, Cheryl Tiegs, Jackie Collins, Joan Collins, Gary Shandling, Marla Maples and hairstylist Jose Eber attended the funeral of Farrah Fawcett. [E!, CNN]
• Alana Stewart delivered a eulogy for Farrah Fawcett, saying:
  "Goodbye sweet girl… [Farrah] never felt sorry for herself during her illness ... she fought cancer furiously. She's the most beautiful angel in heaven. She always seemed so indestructible." [People]
• Forbes has released it's "Hollywood's Top-Earning Actresses List" and Angelina Jolie is number one, with poor lonely desperate single Jennifer Aniston as number 2. Meryl Streep is third. But! There's a gender pay gap! "All told, the top 10 actors earned $393 million, compared with $183 million for the top 10 actresses." [Forbes]
• "Sacha Baron Cohen Attempts To Appease Gay Community By Posing For Attitude Magazine." Nude, of course. [Daily Mail]
• Life & Style magazine asked Robert Pattinson's aunt if he should date Kristen Stewart. She replied: "I don't think it would be a good idea for Robert to be in a serious relationship with Kristen. How can he live his life with a fellow star, with their every move being watched just like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?" Thank you. Very helpful. [Daily Express]
• Robert Pattinson was seen hanging out with a pack of guys and going un recognized by wearing a baseball cap. [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle will not appear on Ugly Betty, even though that's what we heard. [ONTD]
• The Beckhams have their 10-year wedding anniversary coming up! David will whisk Victoria away on a "surprise" trip to Richard Branson's private island in the Caribbean. Although is it a surprise if it's in The Sun? [WWD]
• From a Q&A with True Blood's Anna Paquin: You and Stephen [Moyer] are in a relationship off-camera as well. The passion you have on the show is palpable — did it transition from on-screen to off-screen or vise-versa?: "We met at his screen test when they were doing, essentially, a chemistry read to make sure the Sookie they had cast was going to click with the Bill they wanted to cast, and shockingly enough we ended up liking each other. But, it kind of all happened at the same time — it's kind of hard to say which came first because when you click with someone and you have that sort of – vibe — that's just how we've always been around each other. Nothing's really changed except we live together now." Was your first kiss then on-screen or off-screen?: "Ha. I'm not telling you that." [Out]
• Usher's wife was surprised by the divorce filing and "had every reason to believe her marriage was intact." Uh-oh. [USA Today]
• Uh-oh, this item snarks on Stacy London's outfit. Not cool. [Page Six]
• Kerry Washington is looking for a "cheap" furnished apartment in Manhattan, which means $3,000 a month. Can it be done? [Page Six]
• Cute! Christina Applegate will play Drew Barrymore's big sister in Going The Distance, a rom com about a long-distance relationship — which also stars Drew's maybe-boyfriend Justin Long. [E!]
• A street corner in Queens, NYC will be named for Run-DMC. Slay all suckers who perpetrate and lay down law from state to state. [NY Times]
• "I wish to not talk unless we're doing the scene. I enjoy it that way. Johnny seemed happy to do it that way, too. So the answer is: No, we really didn't get to know each other better between each take. So I guess I'll have to wait and get to know Johnny Depp someday." — Christian Bale, on Public Enemies. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• "I prefer to walk away with the experience as opposed to walking away with the product… I like to portray a character, inhabit a character and build character, but I don't want to watch the end result necessarily, because it becomes about money then and I'd rather not think about that. My children have seen more films of mine than I have. They've seen all of them within reason - many more than I have. I have no plans to see them - any of them." — Johnny Depp. [BBC News]
• "It is deff. in my top 3 favorite books of all time! :) so disturbing but beautifully written." — Miley Cyrus, on Identical, in which twin sisters escape troubled lives — one by sex and drugs, the other by bingeing and cutting herself. [Page Six]
• "The script kept changing and evolving to the point where I was no longer appropriate for it. Cate's 10 years older than me, which is more suitable for the script. If they'd recast with Keira Knightley I'd have been heartbroken but they've gone for something different – and better in my opinion. If I had the choice between Cate Blanchett and me I'd go for Cate Blanchett." — Sienna Miller, on not being Maid Marian in Robin Hood. [Daily Express]

[Image via Lindsay Lohan's Twitter]

Selena and Demi met as child actors on the show Barney and Friends. When they were 11, they both tried out for a role in a Lizzie McGuire spin off, according to the WSJ, but Demi's mom, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, says, "Selena is an adorable looking Hispanic girl, and looks more Hispanic than Demi, and that's what they were looking for at the time." This was right after Dora the Explorer became a huge, runaway success, so it makes sense that Disney would want to tap the Hispanic market that their main competitor, Nickelodeon, had already made huge strides in that sector.

Anyway, back to our little promise keepers: Miley, for her part, is distinctly displeased that she's been pushed aside for the new blood. On her YouTube channel, Miley put up a video with her friend Mandy Jiroux parodying Selena and Demi's Youtube channel (side note: doesn't Miley sound kind of drunk in this clip? Drunk on Jesus, naturally.) The Youtube viewers of this parody have articulated the underlying message to Disney's Post-Vanity Fair, post-green bra Miley overthrow. A disgruntled fan writes, "You are just jealous on Demi and Selena because they are not Sluts... " You see, now that Miley's virginal imagine is tainted, Disney needs to put some squeaky clean teens in the spotlight, and perhaps that's why there are two of them; if nude photos surface of Selena, (à la Vanessa Hudgens), there's already a back-up being primed for stardom.

Disney Revs Up Tween Star Machine [WSJ]
Demi Lovato And Selena Gomez Q&A!!!! [Official Demi Lovato Youtube Channel]
The Miley And Mandy Show!!!! Is My Makeup To Dark? [Miley Cyrus Official Youtube Channel]

Earlier: Underage Starlets Sprout From Disney Factory Like Whack-A-Moles