Robert Leleux's grandmother is a larger-than-life figure, a beautiful, quick-witted, Texan Mame-type whom the author dotes upon, and whose Alzheimer's diagnosis feels particularly cruel. Leleux reflects on her stoicism:

'Sad lives make funny people,' she told me when I was 16. At the time, this remark had just sounded like one more zinger. But eventually I came to consider it the distillation of her philosophy. Humor was the way she had coped with every unpleasant thing in her life, from her long estrangement from my mother, her only child, to the onset of a crippling disease.

The product of one of those insular, Reaganesque marriages whose passion leaves little room for anyone else - particularly children - Leleux's mother hasn't spoken to her parents in years. And despite the tragedy of the diagnosis, her mother's illness makes a reconciliation possible. Leleux explains it thusly:

Imagine: to be freed from your memory, to have every awful thing that ever happened to you wiped away - and not just your past, but your worries about the future, too. Because with no sense of time or memory, past and future cease to exist, along with all sense of loss and regret. Not to mention grudges and hurt feelings, arguments and embarrassments...And that's the fantasy, isn't it? To have your record cleared. To be able not to merely forget, but to expunge your unhappy childhood, or unrequited love, or rocky marriage from your memory. To start over again.

The reconciliation is kinder, gentler and warmer than any interaction mother and daughter have ever had. As Leleux and his mother are leaving, his grandmother says,

'Thank you for coming, Jessica. I want you to know how much it means to me. I want you to know that I know we've never been close. And I know that's been mostly my fault. I'm not sure how much time I've got. But more than anything, I want to have a shot at spending it with you. It's so important. I mean, after all, Jessica, we're sisters.'...I groaned, then looked over to see my tough mother crying. 'Close enough, Mama,' she said.

To anyone who's read Leleux's memoir, Beautiful Boy, the riotous tone and outsize characters of the essay will feel familiar. To anyone who's dealt with the injustice, the tragedy, the dark comedy and the poignancy of Altheimers, so will its content. While it may seem optimistic to call the manifold indignities of Alzheimer's a blessing (Leleux admits openly that "I've always preferred fairy tales to literal truth") it's also true that one hears these stories of softening and reconciliation as frequently as one does those of anger, frustration, and deep sadness.(Some of this surely has to do with age; it is a lot harder to be philosophical when one is struck down with early-onset, methinks.) By story's end, one can't help thinking of the author's grandfather, who he says is bereft; surely this "glass is half full" approach doesn't reconcile him to the loss of a companion. And does such a reconciliation "count" when you're no longer dealing with the person who wronged you? For once, let's take Leleux's "fairy tale" approach: why not?

A Memory Magically Interrupted [NY Times]

• Today on The Onion, Martha Stewart has a new recipe, and it is a clear message to her enemies: "when you put a recipe like that together, with so many hazelnuts, the message is clear: do not fuck with me." • Richard B. Laibly Sr., creator of the Sears catalog, has passed away at the age of 86. • Although women own about 48% of all enterprises in Africa, they still have the hardest time gaining access to finance, according to a recent report titled "Banking on African Women." • Women in Peru are weaving baskets to sell abroad as part of a new venture aimed at "productive conservation." The government has high hopes for the project, which aims to bring in money while protecting the local rain forest. • After examining several studies done on eye color and vision, The New York Times concludes that the color of your eyes does not affect how well you can see. • A woman biking in Boulder, Colorado escaped serious injury when she stopped to let a cow cross, and the bovine proceeded to knock her over and step on her legs. • Famous virgin Natalie Dylan has confessed that she has "been with men," but is "still a virgin." Wonder what that means (the poophole loophole?) • New research shows that people who are socially active and have a "mellow demeanor" are less likely to develop dementia. • After promising Sid's mother that he would prove to the world that Sid did not murder Nancy Spungen, writer Alan Parker has created a film that he claims will do just that. • According to a new survey released by a British market research firm, kids only being to appreciate their parents at the age of 22, which frankly, seems a little late. • A Swedish woman is entering into treatment for her coke addiction, and when we say coke, we mean cola. • President Sarkozy's (gorgeous) trainer calls him a "dream pupil," and claims her workout method can help improve the sex lives of her clients. • Nia Dinata, one of Indonesia's best known filmmakers, recently released a documentary titled Cinema, censorship and sex, which realistically depicts the aspects of women's lives (including polygamy) that most people are unwilling to discuss, and many religious groups find offensive. • More information has been released on the 2006 data on U.S. births. Teen pregnancy is on the rise, and Alaska is leading the way with the largest national increase in children born to teen mothers. • Good news for expecting mothers: new research shows that epidurals are safer than previously thought. • Today the BBC has an interview with Duncan Wise, who runs a preschool, about the difficulties of being male in a female-dominated field. Duncan says that his rugby teem mates still mock him: "They look at me and say 'I couldn't do what you are doing. They are quite blunt with me and say: 'It's a girl's job'." • 

• Gwyneth's mom Blythe Danner says Gwyn's marriage is a-ok, despite rumors of a split. “They don’t take pictures together if they can avoid it. It’s a strategy. They don’t want the pandemonium.” [Fox News]

• OMG NOOOOOO: rumor is that Paris Hilton is dating Gerard Butler. First Shanna Moakler, and now this? Say it ain't so, Gerry. Say it ain't so! [ Perez]
• It really sounds like Nicole Kidman is ready to throw in the towel with this whole acting thing. "I have to say I'm not that interested in making films any more," she tells the Telegraph. "I know I'm not meant to say that, but that's where it is for me now. I'm 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband. I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don't have that burning desire any more. I'm not saying I'm never going to work again, but I'm at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life." [Telegraph]
• Aw, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are star cross'd lovers! Says a source: "He still loves Rachel and Rachel still loves him, but the timing is off and they can't make each other happy right now." [People]
• Vanessa Hudgens canceled her 20th birthday at Chateau Marmont because she didn't want to come off as a party monster. “She canceled because she didn’t want the bad press because it’s a bar…She could have gotten in though, because they serve dinner as well." [E! Online]
• Pete Wentz, that charmer, has been dishing to Howard Stern about sex with his post-preggers wife. "Wentz revealed everything from how Simpson's body looks post-pregnancy to her bra size and the details of the couple's sex life post-birth…Seaking of the first time he and Ashlee had sex, Wentz said, 'It was the single best sexual encounter I've ever had. We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, 'Oh my God, you're banging the girl of your dreams and you're watching it right now.'" There's more at MTV.com if you wanna read the entire TMI trainwreck. [MTV]
• Katy Perry is engaged to Travis McCoy of the Gym Class Heroes. We are way too old to really know or care who those people are. [Star]
• Carlos Leon, the father of Madonna's daughter Lourdes, is weighing in on Madge's recent split. "It is a bad situation for both Guy and Madonna and I send them a lot of love and all the children involved. I think it is too early to say if the divorce will make things better or worse for the family." [Perez]
• Jessica Alba will make a cameo on The Office episode that's airing after the Super Bowl. As we noted this morning, Jack Black will also make an appearance on that special ep. Star Studded! [EW]
• After her album of Tom Waits covers was so successful, Scarlett Johansson says she's ready to move on to writing her own material. "It'd be a project that I have to dedicate myself to. I feel like that's something for the future." [ONTD]
• Did you know there's a California Hall of Fame? Well there is! And Dr. Seuss, Jane Fonda, Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson were all inducted in last night because they embody "the state's spirit of inspiration and innovation." [UPI]
• Apparently Suri Cruise has a "huge vocabulary." Does it already include the words "glib," "Xenu" or "psychotropics"? [People]
• Australian tennis whiz Lleyton Hewitt had a baby boy named Cruz. He totally stole that name from the Beckham brood! [People]
• During a concert in Paris the other night, Enrique Iglesias took crotch shot of himself with fan's camera. We are liking him more and more these days. [Sun]
• John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted started hosting the TV show after his six-year-old son was tragically murdered in 1981. His son's murderer has now been identified: according to TMZ, "Police are expected to ID the killer as Ottis Toole, a convicted pedophile who died in prison in 1996." [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt says that despite the fact that he and wife Angie are richer than God, they don't spoil their kids with lavish gifts. "We have gifts, but we try to keep the money spent to a minimum. The rule is that everyone’s got to make something for someone else, you got to put time into it." [The Sun]
• Matthew Broderick says that doing the voices for the main mouse in The Tale Of Despereaux was kinda lonely. "Happy as I am to be in it with [co-stars Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline and Dustin Hoffman], they're not there. The challenge is you end up behind a piece of glass with a microphone and a lot of people telling you what to do." [ Mirror]
• Jason Schwartzman is giving away a song from his side project Coconut Records for free. The lil' ditty is called "Microphone" and you can find it here. [Perez]
• Fox Reality Channel is launching a new series called "House Husbands" which is exactly what it sounds like — a show about stay-at-home hubbies whose wives are the breadwinners. "The cast includes Tempestt Bledsoe ("The Cosby Show") and husband Darryl M. Bell ("A Different World"), Jillian Reynolds (formerly Barberie, from "Good Day LA"), her husband Grant and former Los Angeles Dodger Billy Ashley, among others." Sounds…delightfully trashy. [ONTD]
• Kate Hudson cannot stop talking about how she loves-loves-loves being single. This time she's talking about it in In Style, but seriously. We've read about it in every fashion magazine ever. Dear fashion magazine writers: please stop asking Kate Hudson about being single. [People]
• Sad news for Columbo fans: Peter Falk has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia. [People]
• Hilary Duff says that she's a lady who does not dirty dance in smutty nightspots! "I've been accused by the press of giving lap dances at clubs. I mean, little ol' me? It's shocking. People love to believe it. It's way more exciting to talk about than the truth! And they're so descriptive about these lap dances. I don't even know how to do a lap dance!" says the Duffster. The lady doth protest too much! [E! Online]

Memo to all those men who like to make jokes about childless women and their barren, shriveled-up uteruses: turns out you're actually more likely to fall off the deep end without your reproductive capabilities fully realized.

According to CNN.com:

Men who have had a vasectomy may face an increased risk of developing a rare type of dementia marked by a steady loss of language skills, researchers said Tuesday.

The study's author Sandra Weintraub explained that after a vasectomy, sperm are often leaked into the bloodstream, which can cause all sorts of havoc:

Antibodies produced by the immune system in response to the sperm might trigger damage that causes dementia, she said.

Toxic sperm???!!! Ha! This might explain why we once developed a horrible rash on our right cheek after letting a guy come on our face. (We were young and stupid.)

[CNN]