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Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex

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Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
For me "sex" with no modifier mean PiV, oral sex means oral sex, and anal sex means anal sex. That doesn't mean one type is less bad, or more intimate than another, that is just the definition that I grew up with.
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nessalicious
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Does that mean when I got naked and fooled around me and my manfriend(s) slept together? Oy vey.

*goes off to recalculate notches on bedpost*
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debbyherbenick
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
This is a great discussion to have and I think its great, Megan, that you raised the issue. There is not one definition of "sex" nor do I think there will ever be. In interview studies I've worked on, I've found that some people only count "sex" as sex with someone they loved. In others, sex was defined by the type of act (vaginal, oral, anal, etc).

With other people, it depended on the quality of the experience - I've had women tell me that they didn't consider themselves to have "had sex" with a certain guy who didn't last very long, and I've had men say they didn't count something as sex if they didn't orgasm.

These different definitions of sex definitely make sex research more challenging. That said, I appreciate the variations in people's sexuality and hope we never become cardboard copies of each other with the same definition of what it means to "have sex" or "to love".
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clevernamehere
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
The study dealt with college students and oral sex is a pretty common delaying tactic because there is no risk of pregnancy. The idea that oral sex doesn't count can be a factor, but it isn't at all faux purity.

I think there is a really overblown idea that teens are all out having oral/anal sex. My masters thesis related to teenage sexual behavior and the numbers just aren't as high as some people seem to think. About 50% of high school students have had intercourse, about 50% have had oral sex, but only 11% have had anal sex.
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cirocco
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Saying that oral sex is not sex is like saying hand lotion is not lotion, compact cars are not cars, and screen doors are not doors. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that a modifier can negate the noun it modifies, unless the modifier is something such as "artificial" or "virtual."
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HereComesMyBaby
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Oh no! If oral counts as sex, then I am REALLY slutty.
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Madlenka
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
If the skinemax soft porns I've watched are any indication, sex happens when an cop goes undercover at a strip club and ends up falling for the perp she's after. About 30 seconds after they meet, they have sex furiously in her studio apartment, and emerge from the bed with their underwear on.
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mysterygirl
07/01/09

@Madlenka: That's pretty much how it happens for me.
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jeninmotion
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
The number of people who think lesbians don't/can't have "real" sex (and define sex by the presence of penis) in this thread is kind of squicking me. Granted, I go with egg cream on my non-definitional definition.
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inabook
07/01/09

@jeninmotion: I don't know that that's what they mean-- i think some people view sex as the most intimate act you can do with that person-- so, for hetero sex, piv and anal, for gay male sex it might be anal, and for lesbian sex oral or sharing toys. I certainly don't consider going down on a guy or him going down on me to be sex. In a threesome, I wouldn't consider him going down on another girl or me going down on the girl or vice versa to be sex. I would consider him putting it in the other girl's vagina or ass to be sex.

If I were ever in a one on one situaiton with another girl, I might consider oral to be sex-- but its complicated, since if only one of us were to recieve, i wouldn't consider that sex. For me, sex combines intimacy and mutual acts.
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hollygirl
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Interesting topic- what is sex? Only thing I can add is, I would not say I've "fucked" the guys I've given blow jobs to...
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victoriasauce
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
It's not sex unless you're playing "Boyz II Men"
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FashionShowAtLunch
07/01/09

@victoriasauce: Or Salt n' Pepa.
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jeepgirl
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
I prefer to call sex "hiking the Appalacian Trail".

Sounds so much more wholesome that way.
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Dodgergirl
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
It's my understanding that a number of things have to have happen in sex: two people who love each other very much knock boots together, and then perform a dance called the "mattress mambo." At that point, they do "the deed" which I think has to do with the ownership of land. Sometimes, they "nail" which has something to do with a hammer, and finally they hit a homerun, and everybody celebrates.
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morninggloria
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Boyfriend says that it's sex if it "breaks the plane."
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mysterygirl
07/01/09

@morninggloria: Heh. Just like in football. I guess it's more convenient if all scoring is defined the same way.
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PreposterousHypothesis
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
I think sex, to an extent, is individually defined. For me, it's PiV, but I'm not saying that definition is universal, considering it's from my own heterosexual prism. It's generally a private act and therefore, I believe, can be defined privately.
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MB14
07/01/09

In reply to Few People Agree On The Definition Of Sex
Of course oral sex is sex. But I cannot fault Clinton for his lie. In my book the state has nothing to do with your private life, even if you live in the White House. As long as the sex happens between two consenting adults, why should people concern themselves with whatever happens on the Oval Office floor?
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brendastarlet is on it
07/01/09

@MB14: because we, the American taxpayer, provide the White House to the president as a place to work and live. That does not include a place to have extramarital affairs.

Why, oh, why, didn't he just rent a place in the Watergate or some such?
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