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Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
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Ascendo_tuum
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
Wow. I wish someone had said this to me on that day.
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Maulleigh
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
Thank you for this. I'm in a constant state of beating myself up for things I did in my late teens and early 20s. I guess I've finally forgiven myself for every dumb thing I did in grade school.

Give me a few more years... ;)
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bananaprincess
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
My nurse gave similer advice. It was comforting. Now and then.
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Princess Leela
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I know we've discussed this before but something has popped into my mind about maybe why people have such an intrinsic loathing for this book. I wonder (maybe because a woman wrote it) whether people assume that this is intended to be some kind of self-help book. Then they get offended when they read it and think her advice is "Leave your husband, have a badly advised, codependent fling, then travel the world on the proceeds of your book advance! Woohoo!"

She's not advising anyone to do these things. (She goes out of her way to specifically warn people NOT to go to an ashram, for example.) She's simply describing her experiences. Now, self-help may be a topic explored, inasmuch as the subject is how she got herself through a difficult time, but that isn't the point of the book. It's not a self-help book. It's simply an enjoyable piece of nonfiction, half memoir, half travelogue.
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Rosaxé
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I remember one thing she said on Oprah: every night, record the happiest moment of your day. I started doing that and it is really helpful.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/20/09

@Rosaxe: That's actually a really neat idea.
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
The thing is, Life doesn't give you the rules when you start out. You only learn the rules until after you've broken them and that's not fair. To hold yourself responsible for breaking the rules when you didn't even know the fucking rules is ridiculous. Give yourself a break. I tell my sister this all the time.
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FattyCatty
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
In the original context (counseling someone through the decision to terminate her pregnancy) I think it's great advice. From Elizabeth Gilbert's MOTHER, not her.

Remember, this is the woman who went on a year long spiritual journey during which the one thing she learned is that she was the most important person in the universe.
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tomatoheart
05/20/09

@FattyCatty:
Remember, this is the woman who went on a year long spiritual journey during which the one thing she learned is that she was the most important person in the universe.

I really don't see a problem with that.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@FattyCatty: I totally did not get that she thought she was the most important person in the universe when I read the book. How did you come up with that?
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FattyCatty
05/20/09

@whynotshesaid: It was a lot of little things that I hesitate to name since some people on here seem to be mid-book. But in general I found her to be extraordinarily selfish and self-absorbed, which may be just the nature of what she was doing/the topic of the book. And by the end, she was clearly enamored of her bellybutton lint, and seemed to think everyone in the world should be equally enamored of their own bellybutton lint, other people be damned. And I disagree.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@FattyCatty: Well, again, I have to say I didn't get that at all, or if I did, I didn't see it as a bad thing. First, it's a memoir about a spiritual journey - it's going to be self-absorbed by definition. Second, I think that most people could stand to engage in more honest self-reflection. Finally, I did not think that she engaged in her own spiritual journey while not giving a shit about other people.

So I suppose we will have to agree to disagree.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I love that advice.

About her book: You know, I almost didn't read her book because of the way people on this site attacked it and her as being smug, self-absorbed, arrogant, and a whole mess of other things that normally turn me off. But I decided that I should make my own opinion on matters and so I read it.

I fucking loved her book. Like, I loved it so much that I want to be her friend. I kept quoting parts of her book to my husband and laughing out loud at other parts. It takes considerable talent to make someone laugh using only the printed word, I think.

I didn't really get the hate-on. The only thing I found annoying was that I too would really love to be a professional writer who gets paid to live in exotic places and meditate and eat great food. So I'm really glad I decided not to go with the Jezebel flow on this one and figure it out for myself, because I really would have missed out on something that ended up meaning a lot to me.
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Princess Leela
05/20/09

@whynotshesaid: Between this comment and some previous threads in this discussion, I actually think a lot of us here are undercover fans. I like her and I liked the book. For starters, she was an accomplished writer, on a variety of topics other than herself, for some time before writing it. And just to address a few common criticisms, I don't think she ever tried to pretend that everyone could afford to go find themselves by traveling the world; I felt like she went some distance to point out that her "happy ending" of meeting someone was decidedly not the point of the journey; and as for the self-absorption etc, I think she acknowledges that too. I'd rather read about an imperfect person who knows she's imperfect then someone who has no faults to begin with.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@Princess Leela: Exactly. I liked that she was honest about who she was. It makes for a much more meaningful memoir, because you get a sense of who she is as a person. (And besides, it's a freaking memoir, it's supposed to be self-absorbed and laden with TMI. That's the whole point.) And yes, she is clearly a talented writer. I am looking forward to reading more of her work.

I went back and skimmed the earlier thread, and you are right, a lot of people did say they liked her book. I think that the people who disliked her and the book stuck out, though, because they were so vehement in their hatred. But now having read the object of derision, I'm completely at a loss to understand why so many hated it so much.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/20/09

@whynotshesaid: Based on your comment, I think I'll give the book a chance.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: Just promise me that if you hate it, you don't end up hating me by proxy. :)
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@whynotshesaid: Just went back through the earlier thread and remembered why I was so put off of it. Can someone explain to me why it's okay to say that someone is a sociopath for liking a book? Honestly.
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t-yo3
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I think that the first time I heard/read this advice was in a book by Iyanla Vanzant, many years back. I didn't realise what good advice it was until I actually made some royally bad decisions that I beat myself up over for far too long.

I know it's awfully cheesy to find deep meaning in song lyrics, but Beth Orton's "Sweetest Decline" has a line in it that goes:

What are regrets? Just lessons we haven't learned yet.

I really like that because it reminds me, when I'm getting bogged down in regret and remorse, that there is a lesson in every so-called mistake, and that I should focus on finding the lesson rather than on self-flagellation.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@titilayo-yo-yo-yo: I listened to that album yesterday! I nearly started to cry when that line from the song came on, because it's so damn true.
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tomatoheart
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
So well stated. I think in general if we could feel less guilty and less shameful about things we'd all be a little better off.
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lucystrawberry: Tier 2 is the new black
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I like the advice, but I sort of feel like it assumes that the woman in question will regret her abortion later.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/20/09

@lucystrawberry has a feeble ladybrain: I just read it as assuming she may second-guess herself later, which makes sense to me (as I tend to second-guess myself about everything eventually, even if it was something for the best). Second guessing isn't quite the same as regret. That was my take, anyway.
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brendastarlet is on it
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
In a nutshell: learn from your mistakes, and move on.
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prestocaro fears the culling
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
That quote is reminding me of how desperately I hated my future (now current) self when I was a teenager. I was convinced I would become this practical, rational, blah-boring 20 something. Which I totally am, only I'm okay with it now. Just at the time it seemed so awful...

The sentiment is nice, but the statement is so... wordy? and confusing. But yes, we all make choices because we think we're doing the right thing. Even if you think the right thing to do is the wrong thing, you'll still try to do the right thing.
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saintbernadette
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
And try to use as little punctuation as possible.
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prestocaro fears the culling
05/20/09

@saintbernadette: And maybe you want to punctuate but you can't or you won't or you feel like it would be holding you back but in the end realize that punctuation is just a way to punctuate your life and your regrets and decisions regarding words and grammar and sentence structure
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saintbernadette
05/20/09

@prestocaro, emissary of hell: Know that when you were considering punctuation maybe commas or periods or semicolons or hyphens you only knew what you did about the proper use of conjunctions no matter what you know now
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prestocaro fears the culling
05/20/09

@saintbernadette: This is making me laugh and also want to pull my hair out. Ramona-style Kah-dooze!
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nex0s
05/20/09

In reply to Could Elizabeth Gilbert Actually Have Decent Advice?
I really liked her book, actually. I thought I wouldn't - I assumed it would be santimonious BS, but it wasn't. Now, Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle"? OMG! Santimonious!!! Saccharine! ANNOYING. I'd much rather read Michael Pollan on food than Kingsolver. I like her novels though.
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t-yo3
05/20/09

@nex0s: I find that Kingsolver's novels are sanctimonious and saccharine too, though. I mean, I like them still, but they are very preachy and not too subtle about it. I didn't mind "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" because her novels and essays had completely prepared me for her taking the tone she did.
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whynotshesaid
05/20/09

@titilayo-yo-yo-yo: I feel the same way about Kingsolver. The speeches about the primacy of the predator in Prodigal Summer had me ready to pull a Sarah Palin and go wolf-hunting, and I don't even like guns.
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