• Samantha Ronson reportedly returned home at 5am last night to find that Lindsay Lohan had been waiting on her stoop for hours. The paparazzi caught Linds crying, demanding to know where Sam had been, and shrieking, "I'm your girlfriend!"

• Cameron Diaz was out with Jude Law on Sunday night in London, but last week she was out in London with Leonardo DiCaprio. This paper calls it an "A-list love triangle."

• Hailey Glassman says her love affair with Jon Gosselin is filled with laughter, home cooked dinners and romantic games of ping pong, but, "If you had told me a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed you."

• Chris Brown tried to sit next to Mariah Carey during a private reception after Michael Jackson's memorial. She quickly informed him that she would rather he sit at another table. [Perez Hilton]

• "We're very much in love. Especially her. We're actually going to tie the knot next Tuesday." — Gerard Butler, joking with Conan O'Brien about the Jennier Aniston rumors. He continued:

• Nine-year-old Rubina Ali has written an autobiography. In Slumgirl Dreaming: Journey to the Stars she says of Nicole Kidman: "I really liked her, but she was very quiet and didn't speak much..."

• Remember this report that Quentin Tarantino asked Brad Pitt to join the cast of Inglourious Basterds over some wine and some weed?

• A source claims Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson so abruptly because he found messages on her phone from none other than her ex, John Mayer.

• Chace Crawford has moved out of the NYC apartment he shared with Ed Westwick and into a penthouse way downtown.

• Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson the night before her 29th birthday on July 10, which is especially tragic because she had planned a Barbie and Ken themed party.

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been checking out a gorgeous building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Will they move the brood to New York? [Rush & Molloy]

• LaToya Jackson believes that her brother, Michael, was murdered by his "shadowy entourage," who took advantage of him and got him addicted to several prescription drugs. "It will all come out," she says, "You will be shocked." [USWeekly]

• Daniel Radcliffe is a budding poet: one of his poems (written when he was 17, mind you) can be read here. It involves "glistening blondes," and "hookers and lies." Hookers and lies?! That's 10 points from Gryffindor! [DailyMail]

Many weeks, we come across stupid stuff on TV that might fall through the cracks. In Mixed Bag, we collect those odds and ends, for a multimedia compilation of pop culture crap.

• Last night Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson called a locksmith because Sam lost her house keys. While he was working Lindsay found an open window crawled in. The locksmith asked for his $39 fee, but Lindsay wouldn't pay.

Given that countless networks have been compulsively replaying Paris Jackson's speech at her father's memorial service, it's not surprising that some believe the young woman's mourning is being exploited. I think it's likely the 11-year-old knows what's best for her.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where instead of Duck Duck Goose, it's Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Twilight. Margaret assists in the deconstruction of Star, Us, In Touch, Life & Style and Ok!, after the jump.

• Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a Florida chemist named Jennifer Sunday, who claims the actress stole the formula for Sevin Nyne tanning mist.

• A car lost control this weekend and hit Bret Michaels' tour bus on a highway in Canada, causing a five car pile up. No one was injured. [People]

• Are Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake on the rocks? "Things don't look good for them right now - they've hit a really rocky spot," says a source. The couple have been dating for two years. [NYDN]