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Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men

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Sputnik_Sweetheart
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
Oh and Gabe, as a wise man (without a hat) once said, "'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,
well they're no friends of mine."
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
I was going to put a copy of this book in the mail to Soulja Boy, 50 Cent, and a few others before I realized he's still talking about picking up women.
Oh Latoya, we need you around here much more often.
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Ri_L
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
I'd love to laugh this off and say guys don't really take part in any of this, but then I saw some guy on the subway watching some sort of TV show or something with the "The Game" logo in the background and taking notes. TAKING. NOTES.

Humanity is doomed.
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hellosunshine
07/16/09

@Ri_L: Remember that Jez post a couple of weeks ago where it was something like, we won't need dudes to procreate or something like that? (I may be making this up.)

Sometimes I really feel like we should get on that sooner.
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veronykah
07/16/09

@hellosunshine:Hope this works...
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Edited by veronykah at 07/16/09 6:29 PM veronykah was starred veronykah was unstarred

veronykah
07/16/09

@veronykah:GRR! What if its NOT A YOUTUBE VIDEO!!!
Tried to embed, tried to link to no avail.
You'll just have to cut and paste.

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerindex?id=8057662
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Edited by veronykah at 07/16/09 6:32 PM veronykah was starred veronykah was unstarred

amowls
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
If I ever feel compelled to get some dating advice, I'll be sure to pick up one of these books aimed at men because telling me that I need to find the right dude for me is far more useful than telling me to bend over backwards for some asshat I barely even like.
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JerseyGrrrl
07/16/09

@amowls: It's true. That's why (and say what you will about it) I don't completely trash He's Just Not That Into You. For all its short falls, it consistently reinforces the idea that women are worthy of men who genuinely care about them, and that the key is to be sure that your man does and treats you as such. And sadly, that seems like revolutionary thinking for women's dating guides.
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hellosunshine
07/16/09

@JerseyGrrrl: Honestly, I love that book. The movie's a different story, but the book, yes. "Don't waste the pretty" is a good thing to remember.
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JerseyGrrrl
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
This was pretty amazing, Latoya. It's really good to see your byline around here :)

I know I shouldn't be looking for anything correct to come out of books like these, but I still find it shameful beyond anything else (and there's a lot here to pick apart) that the idea is being consistently reinforced that a woman's worth is SOLEY her physical appearance. Between the idea of a larger woman being a "grenade" or someone not being "attractive enough" to date, there's the implicit message that you can tell so much about a woman by her looks.

And that does a disservice to EVERYONE involved. Not only does it target the (male) readers' own insecurities about their own looks and subsequent worthiness, it also counsels them to ignore those women without Sports Illustrated modeling contracts, who very well might be the most interesting and worthwhile ladies in the room. In essence, these books are teaching how to LOOK at women, not how to MEET them. EPIC FAIL.
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Conrad
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
If you look for sexist dating guides, you'll find sexist dating guides.
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Scoithniamh
07/16/09

@Conrad: If you look for nonsexist dating guides, you'll find sexist dating guides.
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Dauphine
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
I'm creeped out by the language used in much of these books of reducing women to objects being "hunted" in a very similar way to sociopathic de-humanization.
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LipstickLibrarian
07/16/09

@Dauphine: You're lookin' at your claws, and you're lookin' at your fangs, and you're thinking "I don't know how to kill the bunny."
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PreposterousHypothesis
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
This probably isn't what they were going for, but the guy in the Doc Love picture kind of reminds me of Gunther. (Video somewhat NSFW)
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JLady
07/16/09

@PreposterousHypothesis: Is that real? Because, for the sake of all that is holy (and musical), I hope you're going to say it's an SNL spoof using new cast members. Oh my goodness.
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lalaland13
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
The best way to impress lalaland13 is to be gay. Then I will almost surely want to have sexual relations with you.
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angelheadedhipster
07/16/09

@lalaland13: That's me, except for with straight dudes. We should hang out together, each pick a guy, and then swap!
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veronykah
07/16/09

@lalaland13: Fuck, you and me too. I have a knack for finding what I call gay-straight dudes.
Seriously, I was at Pride this year and my friend was like "you really do like gay guys don't you?"
Its the best day of the year, except that all the hotties aren't interested in a straight girl...
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Cafezinha
07/16/09

@lalaland13: Having had to apologize to far too many men for trying to flirt with them in the presence of their (unbeknownst to me) boyfriend, I have empathy for your plight.

I'm always the last one to know.
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LuvEwan
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
Having sheltered myself from a lot of social situations, I feel like guys are a total mystery to me. I read articles like this, sit back, and wonder "Is this really what guys think? Reimburse your friend for having to buy the ugly girl a drink? Really?" And it scares the shit of me. Then I go to work, where it's ALL guys now, and I find myself wondering if they secretly think this way, if they judge me by these shallow standards. And I turn on the TV, and see all sorts of signals as to what guys want in a girl.

It all just depresses me. When I picture being in a relationship with someone, I imagine spending time together, cuddling on the couch, watching Star Wars or listening to The Beatles. I don't picture any of this shit from these 'man'uals. Which is why I am enacting my Hermit Plan by barricading myself inside the house and seeing how many chocolate-covered macadamia nuts I can fit in my mouth.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/16/09

@LuvEwan: I think I'll write one where the wingman with the ugly girl realizes she's not ugly, and also that his friend is a douche.
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icarus
07/16/09

@LuvEwan: Reading this makes me feel the same way, and I AM a straight guy.

Maybe we should split society up into the people who think this way and those who don't. Then everyone can have a jolly good time without being totally freaked out
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JerseyGrrrl
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Now THAT I would go see once the movie is made.
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Treeless
07/16/09

@LuvEwan: Don't worry, these books are not what All Guys think. These books are aimed at a specific subset of socially clueless, unconfident men, who are likely to buy more than one of these books if they need these at all, so they're seeking *new* (read: preposterous) ideas and secrets and the authors aim to please for a cocky, convoluted, amoral, know-it-all vibe and overly exotic advice that is meant to make the cluefree reader feel as though the author knows what he's talking about. These are the male equivalent of the most braindead of the ladymags, selling a few good tricks and a lot of bad ones. (Scrunchy, anyone?)
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rednrowdy
07/17/09

@LuvEwan: after two failed long-term relationships in succession and having my ovaries hurt every time i see a little kid, or even a teenager, i know what you mean. with all of the messages out there, it feels like any woman who doesn't fit the 'hot' category should just give up. it's hard to hear the advice of "just be yourself!" when you've been nothing BUT yourself all the time and it's still not good enough for you to get what you want.

ugh.
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missteenwordpower
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
"Copeland and Louis introduce a "Thirteen Point Body Makeover for Being Attractive to Women" which boils down to: do your hair; trim ear, nose, and eyebrow hair; get nice glasses or contacts; don't snort/spit; trim your beard; use chapstick; go to the dentist; use lotion/moisturizer; reduce smelliness with deodorant/Beano/mints; don't overload your pockets; have a nice belt; clean matching socks; stand up straight."

VALID. If I could get mrteenwordpower to get on this consistently, I would be *psyched*. Otherwise, though, I'm happy because he seems to consider me a PERSON, rather than a "bitch", "whore", or "nice girl". But besides this clear exception (and all the other happily dating males I know), who honestly has time in this busy workaday world to actually get to KNOW his dates?
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/16/09

@missteenwordpower: He should have included toenails on that list. I know so many women who have actually gotten skin infections from illegal contact with their SO's untended toenails in the night. And I only haven't been one of them by the grace of God. I have actually cut Mr. JB's toenails myself, for my own safety.
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queenieinmanhattan
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: This is one of the most horrifying things I have ever heard. Holy god.
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nessalicious
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: ARGH. That comment made me do that involuntary butt/vagina clench of fear.
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: EW.
That is all.
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Treeless
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: What?? Oh my God.

I'm going to make my bf trim his toenails immediately. They're not so bad, but still! They're what Lee Press-On nails would call "Active Length". Technically . . . they could cut a bish.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/16/09

@queenieinmanhattan: I know, I was actually much more cavalier about his feet until I heard that. I don't gross out easily, but that's the last thing I need in life. I kind of hoped my cutting them would humiliate him into doing it himself. Not so much. But I do my son's, so hey, two babies.
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hellosunshine
07/16/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: I don't normally do this, and apologies to the eds, but this is really the only response to that comment:

o_O ?!?!?!
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PreposterousHypothesis
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
I have my own guide to dating, for men. It's called (appropriately) The Preposterous Hypothesis: Using a series of techniques is no guarantee of finding fulfillment.

Suck it, Mystery et al.
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juicy n seedless
07/16/09

@PreposterousHypothesis:
OOh, I have an idea for a dating guide, too. It's called Be The Guy Your Mother Raised You To Be: A Technique Free Program to Being A Guy that Can Get A Girlfriend
Chapter 1 Your Physical Appearance -- Get a Haircut and Shave
Chapter 2 Be Polite: Say Please and Thank You, Use Your Napkin, and Don't Chew With Your Mouth Open
Chapter 3 Your Personality: Be That Nice, Funny Guy That She Loves So Much
Chapter 4 The First Date: Be nice to your sister (and anyone else's sister)
and so on...
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/16/09

@PreposterousHypothesis: I'd buy that, but I already have it.
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morninggloria
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
The best dating guide that I've ever read told me that artifacts over 50,000 years old cannot be reliably dated using the Carbon-14 technique.
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Cafezinha
07/16/09

@morninggloria: I nominated this for COTD, as it made me laugh hard enough to scare the mini-Zinhas. Subtle, dry humour FTW.
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PreposterousHypothesis
07/16/09

@morninggloria: That's because your samples were flaky and unstable, like women.

/sarcasm
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Dauphine
07/16/09

@morninggloria: That's why we like uranium-series dating techniques.

(One year, our arch society shirts said "If it wasn't for C14, I wouldn't date at all." We like our punny shirts.)
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morninggloria
07/16/09

@Dauphine: You sound like a dating expert.
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JerseyGrrrl
07/16/09

@morninggloria: I also understand they can be quite the stool softener. Oh wait...maybe we're talking about two different kinds of dates?
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/16/09

@JerseyGrrrl: Clearly, you are evil and must be destroyed.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
Mr. JB would like to thank the site for his abundance of luckiness lately. I'm just so grateful he's none of these guys, it's as good as a second honeymoon.
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YasmineGalooba
07/16/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: It's All About The Men
"Women are still the problem."

Wasn't it always thus? For we are coy, uncertain, and hard to please.
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