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You Can't Figure Out "Women," You Can Just Try To Figure Out One Woman At A Time
New York, 7:05 PM
Sun Nov 8
25 posts in the last 24 hours
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You Can't Figure Out "Women," You Can Just Try To Figure Out One Woman At A Time |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
11/18/08
Some of these guys succeed and sleep with the girl. The next day they'll come to me and say: "I just want a girlfriend, how come I can't meet one?" Me: "what about that one you fucked last night?" Them: "Oh she's ugly/fat/slutty/etc".
How are you going to get a smart, not-crazy supermodel? ESPECIALLY if you wear sweatpants when you go out?
11/18/08
Seminars, infomercials, blah... That's time and money a guy could be spending finding someone who's actually a good match instead of building a house of cards and making some asshole rich.
11/18/08
The Pretenders - "Brass in Pocket"
Ani Difranco - "Overlap"
Bruce Springsteen - "Brilliant Disguise"
11/18/08
11/18/08
11/18/08
Perhaps I have a juvenile outlook, but I'd like to have more liberty and power over my own life, not less. Being committed to a woman would just bring unwanted obligations. There's a reason she's called "the ol' ball and chain."
11/18/08
11/18/08
Every guy I'm with starts out fun then wants to just "stay home and watch movies" eventually getting pissy with me for wanting to go out.
Are you saying you give up liberty and power over your own life when you get into a relationship? I certainly don't. I'm pretty much the same other than having someone to do fun stuff with and getting laid on the regular. Never understand why guys don't think THAT'S a good thing...
11/18/08
Precisely. I've been in a relationship with my boyf for five years and I have just as much liberty as I've always had; so does he. The trick is finding someone cool who's wants the same things you want. Sometimes the "ten" you see in Maxim isn't gonna be like that, dudes. I love having a "partner" in my life who's into the same things I'm into; we delight in each other's intellect and humor too. If a man complains that a supposed "partner" is more like a ball-and-chain, he's digging the wrong kind of woman.
11/17/08
It can be difficult not to feel scorn for someone that chooses to give power over themselves to someone who will clearly misuse that power. I felt it for those women who "spurned" me to be with abusive jerks. Eventually, I felt scorn for my own cycle of poor choices.
Admittedly, I am a bachelor who plays video games- but I don't hide from women, or shun them. I'm simply holding out for a real opportunity instead of getting bogged down in doomed, draining fiascos. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking your time when it comes to finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, making children with. Boys may avoid those things, but thoughtful men who want to do those things right will also be slow to jump into them. Playing video games while you wait isn't such a bad thing, is it?
Apologies for the essay.
11/18/08
11/17/08
Nobody understands me like you do! Whether I'm a man or a woman, you remind me that it's never my fault. It's that other gender. They're all immature video gamers or scheming gold diggers.
One thing I love about you, Bogus Gender War, is that you never point out the obvious. If men are hooking up with women, women are hooking up with men. If a bunch of men aren't in relationships, a similar percentage of women must be single. No, you wrap me in a warm, fluffy gender conspiracy theory. Maybe all the good ones are locked up in a room somewhere?
But enough about my sorry love life! I see your torrid affair with Generational Trend Piece is still going strong. He's a great match for you. I know you admire that twinkle in his eye when he says the current generation is immature, reckless, frivolous, and doomed! He's been saying that for a long time.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for being there for me! See you again, real soon.
Love,
random_play
11/19/08
I never really LOL, but this time I did. Oh, yes, I did.
11/17/08
If any of you were that guy, wouldn't you be pissed off? Many of today's boomer generation parents are too lenient. Some would rather do their 30+ year old son's laundry and enable irresponsible behavior than face the prospect of being an empty nester. They clip their adult children's wings and end up losing out on grandchildren and the independence they deserve in later life. Sure, people are living longer, financial crisis blah blah blah--part of life is growing up and embracing that thing you were born to do. (Which is hopefully more substantive than a high score.)
My mom drilled education and self reliance into my sisters and I, and surprisingly we all ended up with wonderful husbands. We all have careers and can come home and do laundry together. Funny how our sense of independence, courtesy of a strong and fair mom, ended up being so attractive to the right kind of guys in the end.
11/18/08
11/17/08
11/17/08
Amount of money my boyfriend pays towards my rent each month - $0
Amount of money my boyfriend pays toward my bills each month - $0
Amount of money my boyfriend pays when we go out to dinner - his half of the bill. I pay mine.
Amount I cost my boyfriend each month - $0
Amount of $ my parents pay toward any of the above - $0
Maybe if some of these guys would try to date women who aren't the head cheerleader type, they might find a nice, caring woman who pays her own way.
11/17/08
We're not all like that. Just like all men aren't jerks who only speak to women to get laid.
11/17/08
There are plenty of women out there who aren't into the kind of "traditional" relationships some of these men rail against. But since those women tend to be outspoken and independent, they aren't desirable.
11/18/08
11/18/08
in kind, all women may dream about george clooney but in reality don't have a problem with the regular guy in the corner with the great smile who is nice to talk to and has a job. the problem is, that regular guy usually has a problem with HER, not the other way around.
it seems like for men, there's only one version of hot, and for women, there are many versions.
11/18/08
@rednrowdy:
Hi there. I have read your posts for a while now and while I do understand where you are coming from... some of us out there do the physical upkeep, hit the weights, run, buy the suits and whatever else and we want someone who complements our looks/style. It is not fair and it is not personal but I feel if I am doing all those things and I am working towards that ideal, I deserve to be selective about who I date.
@chemistry_seven:
Nothing wrong with that. Just be prepared to back it up on your end.
@ceejeemcbeegee:
Yeah. Social Kabuki all around. All I want is sex and decent companionship. I can't offer any more. However, even in NYC, this most sexual of cities, a great many women seem to want more. But that is the beauty of life in the big city.... there's always someone new to meet.
Final Thought:
I am a former "nice guy" (in high school).
I have to agree - saying you are a nice guy is as bad as saying "I am a doormat - a weak, unfulfilled and stupid doormat."
Not something that any guy should ever aspire to.
Own your desire; You want a fucking hot chick - figure it out. Observe what guys who get hot chicks do. Get out of the fucking house. Travel. Read. Have and adventure or two. Get into the gym - take a martial art.
Young chicks not giving you the time of day.... focus on older/black/foreign women. The world is a big place.
Sometimes guys have tackle the world and women with a plan... and this does not need to be as mercenary as taking a PUA class. What it does mean is that as a guy; you have to be very clear about what you want and what you need to achieve it.
As a straight guy you will never have the same sexual latitude a woman/gay person does... but if you cast a wide enough yet discriminate net, you can enjoy a multiplicity of experiences.
Guys; you are your own agent. It is your job to work for your pleasure and your happiness.
11/18/08
I think I just had an embolism.
It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you get after you get it.
There is a bigger picture here. When you are 70, you will not look back and say "I wish I'd fucked a girl with big tits." You'll say, "thank goodness I met someone who accepts me for me." And, you know, maybe she'll have big tits anyway.
11/18/08
This is what I am talking about. I am not lying about what I want. At this stage in my life, I just want to have NSA sex and move on. I will not pretend to be your friend to get it - unlike so called "nice guys". I will consider a variety of options, I will not be disrespectful but I will not overemphasize romance or sentiment either.
Why is that so hard to understand - especially when I as a straight guy say that.
Yet @RollsRoyceRevenge: can vocalize the same exact thoughts about the matter and that's fine.
I don't get what I want all the time... but that is what I want right now. Why am I the villain for being honest ?
11/18/08
oh, and please don't think that women who aren't hardbodies don't go to the gym or take care of themselves. the girl you may notice who's overweight just might have recently lost 15, 20, 30 pounds even. just because she doesn't fit your idea of what a woman who takes care of herself looks like doesn't mean that she isn't taking care of herself at all.
11/18/08
11/18/08
With regards to the 2nd portion of your statement: I never implied that at all. All I am saying is; I know what I want and I also try to work towards making myself attractive for my target demographic. If I ask that you be athletic and in shape, it's only fair that I conform to those ideals myself.
11/18/08
fair enough, and i agree with you. but that is not how it goes in reality.
11/17/08
Ugh...why is it so hard to get that everyone is different? Men and women vary. Individuals even change their expectations and ideas. Fascinating, yet true!
11/17/08
She's just not that into you.
11/17/08
Though I think I went a little too far there at the end.
11/17/08
Weird.
Someone should code a type of font specifically for sarcasm.
11/17/08
And that sarcasm font thing... million. dollar. idea.
11/18/08
Maybe us Jezebels should write the female companion book?
11/17/08
[shakespearessister.blogspot.com]
11/17/08
11/18/08
11/17/08
11/17/08
I don't see why feminism means, to these men, that women have to be better human beings while men think that this means they can be worse than they were before, not even as respectful or courteous or compassionate as the old rules forced them to be. Not even decent, sometimes. Instead of looking at women and trying to figure them out, they ought to be looking at themselves and wondering how they can better deserve the woman they now aren't certain deserves them.
11/17/08
megan, i cannot applaud you enough for this post and thank you for pointing out two big, HUGE problems with mens' wailings:
about (a) "nice guys don't get the girl". the big indicator here is that it's always guys plural and girl singular. because there's only ONE girl that ALL of the guys want to get, and guess what dickheads? THERE'S MORE THAN ONE GIRL IN THE WORLD TO GET. putting all your eggs in the supermodeljessicaalbalookalike basket really works, doesn't it?
also, (b)the only reason you were ever nice to a girl, the only reason you ever got close to a girl, was to fuck her. this one is a hard one for girls to realize. those of us who are not deemed desirable by men early on in life figure it out pretty damn fast, but so many other girls just never get it.
11/17/08
11/17/08