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Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
Sex Studies, 1950s-Style!
It's Here.
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Dear L.A. County Sheriff's Department: Fuck You.

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divasoul
05/12/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I do understand her wish that depression was more visible. As a depression/anxiety sufferer, it's never "visible" to people. If people find out I'm depressed (and it's not a big secret - it's there if you wanna know) I get the ubiquitous "well what's there to be depressed about?" or "well what are you depressed about?" or even "well when you get a boyfriend you won't be depressed anymore." Uh huh.

I admire this article. It's so raw and hides nothing. Terrible thoughts? Yes. But she had the guts to say what she thought inside and I applaud that.
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Princess Leela
05/12/09

@divasoul: I actually once had a THERAPIST tell me, though not in so many words, "well when you get a boyfriend you won't be depressed anymore." It certainly didn't imbue me with much faith in the therapy option ... which was unfortunate because I didn't revisit therapy for four years, by which time I really, REALLY needed it.
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Susie Bright
05/12/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
Merkin has been writing stories for twenty years that I find duplicitous, disingenuous, dangerous... and beautifully written. This one is no exception.

Yes, she takes pot shots at the anorexic patients... you didn't even quote the worst of them. She ridiculed their efforts to gain weight.

But the big picture that struck me was: she is presenting this story as a "state of the art" personal profile of depression and treatment.. .and it is anything but.

I feel worried about readers who might be taking it all in and thinking, "this is it. Daphne has summed it up." It's perilously irresponsible for her to ignore as much as she does. Everyone I know who is professionally involved in researching and treating depression is as offended by this story as I was when Merkin first wrote about kinky sex.

We feel slammed.

And I think that about every article she writes.

The other thing I wondered is if her depression affects her sexual politics which so often have driven me around the bend. It made me feel somewhat compassionate, but also a little dubious. The career she's had would impossible if she wasn't ambitious, dedicated, and a workhorse despite her trouble with deadlines. Especially as a woman.

I don't think we've heard the end of this. Get ready for the next reincarnation.
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zu_zu
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I have both an ED and clinical depression, the depression runs in my family. I'm pretty sure the depression hit first, but I have never met a person with ED that was not also depressed.

My hope is that all of these conditions will be seen for what they are - life threatening.

I can't tell you how disillusioned I was to find that my depression did not life when my ED would go into remission. I can't take anti-ds because of my ED, ironically. In my more difficult moments I have seriously considered suicide, but thinking of my parents and how they would blame themselves (even though I never would - they are awesome) keeps me here.

I just keep plugging away, hoping it will get better, hoping something other than these drugs that are out there now will come along and help the millions of other people who feel just the way I do. That's the sad thing, I know I'm not alone.
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WashingMyHair
05/11/09

@zu_zu: I hate to see people suffer throught these illnesses. Have you heard of rEEG? It's supposed to have a profound benefit for many folks with ED, let alone depression.

Here's a link to some info on it.

[www.cnsresponse.com]
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Tart of Darkness
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I find them enviable too. 'Cause they don't get snarked every single time obesity is mentioned on Jezebel. It's hard to be thin on depression meds even if one exercises and eats carefully.* I know a woman who went from hipster skinny to hipster skinny +30 pounds on depakote which she only had to take to ...uh save her life.

*which is also hard to do when you don't care if you live or die.
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angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I think people have a hard time believing diseases they can't see. It's terrible. I know I've witnessed this in my own family; a baby cousin has a hole in his heart/other health problems and my aunt always hears "Those doctors are wrong! He's just fine!" because he appears to be healthy. I'm someone with terrible anxiety/depression/OCD and I hate that so many people think it's something I can just snap out of.

Even worse, I hate all the stigma against anti-depressants. They ARE over-prescribed, but that doesn't mean they aren't useful. Zoloft is the first thing that's worked for me and I finally feel human. I'm not crying myself to sleep every night or spending (many) days trapped inside my apartment because of social anxiety. I'm finally feeling HAPPY, and it sucks that people like my mom see how everyone and their second cousin's dog has a prescription for an SSRI and thinks I'm similarly needlessly medicated.
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Nuckin Futz for you
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I think the point of her article was that people that suffer depression are more often not diagnosed or given as much help as people that you can physically see symptoms. Yes some people have disordered eating and can hide it well, but unless you get to know someone well depression is very hard to see. As someone who was diagnosed young but never treated it's hard for me to see some of the judgement's here as to if she is being selfish, or other people suffer too how dare she compare. You're not getting it, I don't think she means to belittle other disorders but to open your eyes to hers. And depression is scary because some people aren't caught until they kill themselves. It's an illness with a lot of social backlash. I used to sit in my room crying and wishing for death, I planned mine out. When I tried to reach out to friends I was often ignored and heard, "it's fine snap out of it", "your such a downer", "just change this". I couldn't get my true feelings out and the darkest times of my life I just shut myself in alone because I didnt want the judgement. I am very greatful the suicide hotline exists because they saved my life at my darkest moment. I am more aware now, and I have been working on helping myself but the worst thing you can do for someone with depression is look down on them, you just reinforce the feelings of hopelessness, judgement, and for me I hated knowing I made life harder on friends and I was resigned to fixing that problem.
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ValenciaIcarus
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
Oh well, consider this a "bootstrap alert"--I was depressed from an early age, wondered for decades what the hell was wrong with me, wishing that someone would look at me and notice that things weren't right. Went to a number of different therapists, year after year of crying for 50 minutes, clean face, go back out into the world, repeat. Two things finally have helped--one is physically doing things, I think it really helps to make your body do physical work even when you don't want to and I think dancing is the best drug in the world (for me); two is I went through a course with a behavioral therapist, basically getting myself to methodically change the way I think and act. Simple but very much not easy.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/11/09

@ValenciaIcarus: I think you always have to be proactive in your own recovery - but sometimes a person needs medical intervention to get them to a place where they are even able to participate in their own treatment by being physically active and getting out into the world. When I'm depressed I always know that I really should be rejoining society, I just don't have the wherewithal to do it without external help.
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augustagrimm
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I read this article yesterday and found her discussion of ED . . . troubling. As someone who suffers from clinical depression and anorexia (14 years recovered) I was frustrated by her "envy" of anorexics. Many anorexics suffer from severe depression and I felt that she completely glosses over this.

Also, did anyone else feel that components of this piece glamorized depression?
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/11/09

@augustagrimm: I didn't feel that way, because instead of glamorizing depression it reminded me of how hellish it can be. I think she probably knows that there's really nothing to envy an anorexia, but she is just saying that at least their illness has an external manifestation, whereas depressives can look totally fine and have to explain to everyone all the time that they really are sick and not just lazy.
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rainy_day
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I understand this. When my depression was at it's worst, I remember wishing "I had the self-control to be anorexic," because then everyone would see that I was sad and needed help and support.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/11/09

@rainy_day: YES. Me too. I mean, I don't feel this way now, but I was there.
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rah29
05/11/09

@rainy_day: I've thought this before, many times. I still think it. Mostly because one of the reasons I tend to slide into phases of badness has to do with hating my weight, and hating myself for being too weak and lazy to actually lose it. Not like those anorexics, how I envy their discipline... You can see how unhinged the thought process is.
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hydrogen_jukebox
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
Sometimes I wonder if the intense periods of sadness and seeming worthlessness I experienced in high school and the first part of college were depression. At times, I thought it was, but I was always afraid to bring it up to anyone for fear of sounding too self-involved. (My family still feels like there's a stigma attached to being labeled "crazy". Pfft.) So I just stayed small and insignificant until it ebbed.

I'm in a good place now, but I still fear sometimes that my mind will slip back into that irrational loop of self-hate.
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saintbernadette
05/11/09

@hydrogen_jukebox: I hear you. The thing I always thought to myself when I was feeling terrible was that I had no reason to feel sad, therefore should feel guilty for feeling sad, etc.

A book that's helped me when I feel myself slipping is "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It's basically all about talking you out of your "irrational loop of self-hate."
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hydrogen_jukebox
05/11/09

@saintbernadette: Thank you. I will definitely look for that book.
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saintbernadette
05/11/09

@hydrogen_jukebox: Just don't look at his web site. He looks like a turtlenecked whack job.
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sableized (mawrterdom)
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
Big hugs to everyone. I mean seriously. Depression sucks (fifteen years here, since age seven, of bipolar disorder and suicide attempts). Band together.

Ironically, it's coming onto these boards and seeing all these people - who I don't know at all - who still share this condition with me that makes me realize that I am not alone.
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tscheese
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I read this following message:

poignantly victims of a culture that said you were too fat if you weren't too thin and had taken this message to heart

At first read I thought she was oversimplifying and downplaying the self-destructive, self-perpetuating, heartbreaking issues of eating disorders (often linked to issues of control, self esteem, and other mental/mood imbalances like depression.)

However, on second glance, I think she's commenting about how there's a popular conception that people with eating disorders at least look like they have an outward symptom, and that people latch on to that and see only the exterior, and dismiss it as "Oh, she got that idea from seeing too many skinny starlets in the magazines, lol!"

I don't think she herself is attempting to downplay eating disorders as being a more "fun" ailment to have than depression; often the two concepts are interlinked and intertwined. Rather, she's just saying that one (sometimes) has an outward manifestation, whereas depression is silent and hidden.

But that was just my take on it from reading a small blurb. I could be totally wrong. Either way, I wish there were more recognition of the fact that depression is an illness, not a choice.
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CherylDiane
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I can sort of understand her feeling in an irrational way - it feels like an eating disorder is more tangible... like a diagnosis of something that people can see, so people are more sympathetic or understanding. I'm sure people with eating disorders feel very differently though... like I said it's kind of an irrational thought.

My depression was never taken seriously by my family or friends because I looked fine. I just cried a lot and it annoyed people.

I've been on anti-depressants for 20 years now, have been hospitalized twice, and at one point had to undergo several rounds of electro-convulsive therapy (yep-shock treatments). I'm under a doctor's care, but my depression is still not totally under control and yet my family is furious with me for not being able to work or take care of my house.

It's very frustrating when you already feel horribly depressed to have a mother making you feel even worse, saying hurtful things and caring more that I don't embarrass her in front of her friends.

My best girlfriend for 30 years also has severe depression and bi-polar. In a similar vein to what the author above said, we've joked that we wish our doctors could suddenly discover we have brain tumors, because at least that's tangible - we could have surgery, people would say "oh, now that's why they were so messed up" and we'd get on with our lives. Weird, I know!
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margareita metermaid
05/11/09

@CherylDiane: I've always felt that way about my addiction. (I am also a depressive). I wanted there to be a real problem so badly that I could focus on or blame for why I felt the way I did. Addicts often refer to this as 'breaking your leg to explain why you have a limp.'
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Algren
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
This article was a terrible trigger for me with my own struggles with mental illness. While I thought what she wrote was very accurate, perhaps I should not have read it.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
05/11/09

@Algren: Even just reading the Jezebel post made me feel sick, so perhaps I should avoid the article.
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Miss Scarlett
05/11/09

In reply to Depression-Stricken Daphne Merkin Finds Anorexics "Enviable"
I agree with her overall point that sometimes depression isn't taken seriously because you can't see visible effects but I don't think people with eating disorders have it any easier. I think they are most often connected and it is still a "mental disorder" (meaning some people think it is a game or you can control it or just snap out of it). No one questions someone with cancer or a broken bone.
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rah29
05/11/09

@Miss Scarlett is made of sugar and spice and everything nice: To be fair, the quote is a little bit out of context. It reads like she knows she's being unfair. In the article, she precedes it with:

No matter that one or two had been brought on to the floor on stretchers, as I was later informed, or that they were victims of a cruel, hard-to-treat disease with sometimes fatal implications; they still struck me as enviable.However heartbreakingly scrawny, they were all young ( in their mid-20s or early 30s) and expectant; they talked about boyfriends and concerned parents, worked tirelessly on their "journaling" or on art projects when they weren't participating in activities designed exclusively for them, including "self-esteem" and "body image."
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