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The Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce Has Now Gone on 8,000 Times Longer than Their Actual Marriage

Seriously. Check the math. (DON'T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage—which was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to…

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Cee Lo Is Definitely Not a Sex Criminal, Says Some Lady Who Has No Idea Whether or Not Cee-Lo Is a Sex Criminal

I mean, believe me, lady. We're all hoping that Cee Lo does not turn out to be a sex criminal, so that he can go on being a 400% lovable Weeble person cranking out hilarious nonstop jams. BUT. I'm not sure your position as "eliminated former Voice contestant" qualifies you to soothsay about criminal penis activity. Of…