Defying a long, proud line of crotchety James Bonds romancing women young enough to be their children, Penélope Cruz has reportedly been cast as the lastest Bond girl opposite Daniel Craig in Sam Mendes' Skyfall follow-up, Bond 24.

Queen of Controversy M.I.A. is currently embroiled in a vicious custody battle over her 4-year-old son, Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman, with her estranged ex-fiancé Benjamin Bronfman, the environmentalist son of Seagram heir Edgar Bronfman Jr. (and part of the younger generation of almost-too-cool dilettante-ish…

Remember when a micro-violin had to be specially made and tuned to assuage Washington Post columnist Richard Coen's anxiety about how James Bond's screen evolution from slack-limbed inebriate to P90X infomercial model meant that cantankerous old lechers like Richard Coen might no longer be able to impress attractive…

There's no boner-killer quite so potent as a visit from "Aunt Period Blood," IF YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN. Isn't that right, Billy-Bob Thornton? Oh...no!?!? You like having sex with hot ladies even if their vagina is doing something totally natural that most vaginas do 20% of the time? Do tell!

Last week there was a news item from The Hollywood Reporter regarding the possibility that David Fincher's next film might be Gone Girl. But wasn't he supposed to be working on The Girl Who Played With Fire?

Kate Winslet loves Ned Rocknroll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby. Ugrghhhhh, that sucked, but all the good puns were taken! Mr. and Mrs. Winslet-Rocknroll—who have been engaged since the summer and already share a $3 million house in the English countryside—got married in at top-secret ceremony in New York,…

Seriously. Check the math. (DON'T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage—which was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to…

In the immortal words of the classic holiday song: Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but Jessica Simpson is pregnant. It's been seven months and at least 109 headlines since the birth of Maxwell Drew and Simpson's subsequent public struggle to drop the baby weight/become a momshell/shed her human form/whatever…

BREAKING! Cranky old man confronted by an idealized male physique in the form of Daniel Craig's James Bond, experiences hurt feelings over the fact that the universe doesn't revolve around his self esteem, writes whole big column about it. A waahmbulance has been called to the scene.

In the latest shocking divorce news, Mayim Bialik announced on the parenting blog Kveller that, after nine years of marriage, she and Michael Stone will be parting ways, but she assured the public that her enthusiasm for "attachment parenting" had nothing to do with the split. "The hands-on style of parenting we practice…