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Sienna Miller Told Daniel Craig 'I Love You' While Engaged to Jude Law

Ooooh! British hunk triangle from nine years ago! HOW TITILLATING. As part of the News of the World phone-tapping trial, a voicemail from Sienna Miller to Daniel Craig was played in court. While she was still engaged to Jude Law, Miller apparently left Craig a voicemail telling him, "Hi, it's me. I can't speak, I'm at… »1/28/14 8:00pm1/28/14 8:00pm

Yet Another Sad Dude Pines for the Days When James Bond Had a ‘Thinking Man’s’ Body

Remember when a micro-violin had to be specially made and tuned to assuage Washington Post columnist Richard Coen's anxiety about how James Bond's screen evolution from slack-limbed inebriate to P90X infomercial model meant that cantankerous old lechers like Richard Coen might no longer be able to impress attractive… »3/03/13 3:30pm3/03/13 3:30pm

Kate Winslet Secretly Got Married Yesterday, Is Officially Mrs. Rocknroll

Kate Winslet loves Ned Rocknroll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby. Ugrghhhhh, that sucked, but all the good puns were taken! Mr. and Mrs. Winslet-Rocknroll—who have been engaged since the summer and already share a $3 million house in the English countryside—got married in at top-secret ceremony in New York,… »12/27/12 9:00am12/27/12 9:00am

The Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce Has Now Gone on 8,000 Times Longer than Their Actual Marriage

Seriously. Check the math. (DON'T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage—which was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to… »11/28/12 8:10pm11/28/12 8:10pm

Whoops, Jessica Simpson Accidentally Got Pregnant Again

In the immortal words of the classic holiday song: Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but Jessica Simpson is pregnant. It's been seven months and at least 109 headlines since the birth of Maxwell Drew and Simpson's subsequent public struggle to drop the baby weight/become a momshell/shed her human form/whatever… »11/28/12 9:00am11/28/12 9:00am

In Awkward Thanksgiving News, Mayim Bialik Announces That She’s Getting Divorced

In the latest shocking divorce news, Mayim Bialik announced on the parenting blog Kveller that, after nine years of marriage, she and Michael Stone will be parting ways, but she assured the public that her enthusiasm for "attachment parenting" had nothing to do with the split. "The hands-on style of parenting we… »11/22/12 11:00am11/22/12 11:00am

Enraged Shoppers Demand that Macy's Fire Donald Trump for Being a Disgusting, Ugly Shitbag

More than 400,000 people have signed an online petition demanding that Macy's fire human ocarina Donald Trump from their ad campaign and remove his merchandise from their stores. Signers object to Trump's obsession with the "racially charged birther conspiracy" and his frequent calls for overthrow of the… »11/12/12 8:25pm11/12/12 8:25pm

Cee Lo Is Definitely Not a Sex Criminal, Says Some Lady Who Has No Idea Whether or Not Cee-Lo Is a Sex Criminal

I mean, believe me, lady. We're all hoping that Cee Lo does not turn out to be a sex criminal, so that he can go on being a 400% lovable Weeble person cranking out hilarious nonstop jams. BUT. I'm not sure your position as "eliminated former Voice contestant" qualifies you to soothsay about criminal penis activity. Of… »11/08/12 8:25pm11/08/12 8:25pm

Melissa McCarthy Is Hella Positive About Weight, Life

In which Melissa McCarthy, undoubtedly for the umpteeth time, is asked about her weight and how she feels about it: "Pretty much everyone I know, no matter what size, is trying some system. Even when someone gets to looking like she should be so proud of herself, instead she's like, 'I could be another three pounds… »11/07/12 9:00am11/07/12 9:00am

Tom Cruise Is Suing the Tabloids for Saying He Abandoned Suri in Her Hour of Need

You know what? I feel bad for celebrities sometimes. Like, Tom Cruise is just trying to live his weird couch-jumpy life and deal with a painful public divorce and jet-set around doing his fancy pretending in the talkies—AND he's supposed to put up with tabloids fabricating slanders moste evile? And never say anything?… »10/24/12 9:10pm10/24/12 9:10pm