In the spirit of Hortense's Faceoffs, here goes:

Danica McKellar played Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years, then went on to study math at UCLA, help prove the Chayes-McKellar-Winn theorem, become the only undergraduate to speak at a statistics conference, and write two books, Math Doesn't Suck and Kiss My Math. She also continues to act.

Danica Patrick started racing go-karts at age 10, was the first woman to win an IndyCar race, and this year placed third in the Indy 500.

Advantage: McKellar, for renaissance-womanness.

Danica McKellar posed in lingerie for Stuff, and a swimsuit for Details.

Danica Patrick posed in a bikini for Sports Illustrated (twice) and in a minidress for Playboy.

Advantage: Tough to call, but Stuff folded, so you can only find McKellar's underwear photos at places like Guns, Girls, and Other Things and, um, GolfHos.com. So, advantage goes to Patrick, I guess.

Danica McKellar did a Volkswagen commercial once, but she also did public service announcements for a Math-A-Thon to fight childhood cancer
and spoke before Congress about getting more women and minorities involved in math.

Danica Patrick played out several frat boy fantasies in her GoDaddy commercials: showering with another woman, and watching a hot female cop strip and pole-dance (this always happens when you speed).

Advantage: Hmm, taking a shower vs. doing math while fighting cancer. McKellar wins.

On girliness, Danica McKellar says,

I think that being girly, and playing with glamorous make-up and fashion is fun. I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you don't think that it's the most important thing. [...] To all those who'd say or argue are you dumbing down math for girls?' I'd say, 'only if you think there's something inherently dumb about being girly.'

And Danica Patrick says,

There's nothing I can't do in a race car because I'm a girl. These days I love being a girl.

Advantage: Both seem comfortable with both their sexuality and their chosen career. Draw.

On intelligence, Danica McKellar says,

I certainly want to do my part to show girls that the more you develop your intelligence, the better equipped you're going to be able to handle the decisions you'll be making in your life. And hopefully you'll make better decisions, and not think that you need to be reckless and irresponsible in order to be glamorous.

And,

To all those who'd say or argue are you dumbing down math for girls?' I'd say, 'only if you think there's something inherently dumb about being girly.'

But Danica Patrick says,

I've never claimed to be a handy person. [...] I used to be able to do a lot of stuff. I'm sure I still could, but I play dumb and say I don't know how. It's easier when you don't have to do it.

Advantage: McKellar.

The verdict: While McKellar's Stuff spread crosses the line between being comfortable with your body and using it to further your brand, her brand still has a lot more substance than Patrick's. Both women inhabit sort of uncomfortable territory — by being sexy and successful, are they showing girls merely that it's possible to be both, or that they must be both? McKellar is more firmly in the former camp, spending a lot more time telling girls they can achieve — and achieving herself — than she does posing, showering on television, or talking to Sports Illustrated about not wearing underwear. And while Patrick's image may have something to do with the sexist nature of sports culture (Sports Illustrated asked her about underwear, after all), she seems to be buying into this culture wholeheartedly. McKellar's not perfect, but of the two Danicas, we'd still rather see her on a teen girl's wall.

What Danica Patrick Could Do for Nascar, Sponsors [AdAge]
Danica McKellar [Official Site]
Danica Patrick's Q&A [Sports Illustrated]
Danica Patrick 20Q Interview [Playboy]
Danica McKellar [Wikipedia]
Danica McKellar Interview [UGO.com]
Danica Patrick Shower Commercial For The SuperBowl 2009 [YouTube]
Speeding - Internet Only [Commercial, GoDaddy.com]

• Lindsay Lohan a liar? In the latest issue of Nylon, LL says she's hoping to work with Seth Rogen but "Seth won't call us back." Rogen says:

"That's not true — I never got a call from anyone that works for her." [The Star]

• More Lindsay Lohan drama: A source says she "is spending like crazy" and is living on credit right now. And most of the cash she spends? It's Samantha's. [Gatecrasher]
• Sad face! Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. broke up. [NY Mag]
• Has Madonna dumped Jesus Luz? [Just Jared]
• This report says Jesus recently said: "Madonna has an amazing body, is a sexy, kind person and a great mother. The difference in our ages means nothing. She looks like a 30-year-old and has a youthful personality to go with it. I love her and nothing else matters." Which sounds like they are not broken up. [PopDirt]
• By the by, Madonna's nanny gave notice, then her Madgesty told her to leave, immediately. [Daily Mail]
• This paper claims that Guy Ritchie has a black eye, but the photographic evidence is sketchy. [The Sun]
• Jade Goody, dental assistant turned reality-TV star, died Sunday at the age of 27. [AP, NY Times]
• The Jade Goody farewell will be planned by her family. [Mirror]
• Jade Goody leaves behind £4 million for her sons. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse's label isn't thrilled with her new music; they were expecting her "trademark vintage soul" sound and she is now "heavily influenced by reggae," naturally. [The Sun]
• "Bruce Willis Ties Knot With Underwear Model" means he married a woman who has posed for Victoria's Secret. The ceremony took place at Parrot Bay in the Turks & Caicos. [Breitbart, Yahoo via AP]
• Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and Rumer, Scout and Tallulah attended the wedding. [Star]
• Yes, Ashton Kutcher Twittered a picture of Demi Moore's ass — taken while she was steaming his suit (maybe for the wedding?) Yes, she knew about it. No, I don't know why people are so interested. Like they have never seen a woman bending over before. [Defamer]
• Michael Jackson wants to adopt a kid. No comment. [Gatecrasher]
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged; he decided to put a ring on it. [NY Post, Daily Mail]
• Katie Holmes "played babysitter" for Cruz and Romeo Beckham, taking them — and Suri — out around L.A. over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• A wake was held for Natasha Richardson on Saturday in Manhattan. [Star]
• Natasha Richardson's funeral was held late Sunday afternoon in upstate New York. [E!, USA Today]
• Another picture from the forthcoming Where The Wild Things Are flick can be found here. Guess what? The kid who plays Max is named Max. [USA Today]
• Winnie Cooper is married, you guys. Danica McKellar got hitched in La Jolla, CA this weekend. [ET]
• Here's everything you want to know about Annie Leibovitz's money troubles — which may have nothing to do with same-sex marriage after all. [Page Six]
• Whoa: Katy Perry is dating Josh Groban? I kissed a (singer who makes people want to) hurl! [Perez]
• Honestly, it is sort of shocking that Knowing topped the box office, with $6 million more than I Love You, Man, since there were no early reviews and Nicolas Cage did zero publicity and Paul Rudd worked overtime. But Knowing is PG-13 and ILYM is rated R, so maybe families went to see Cage? [Breitbart]
• Like House? Like spoilers? This link pretty much tells you who is going to die. [NY Mag]
• Remember that Jennifer Aniston movie, The Baster? This casting call is looking for a "heavy set woman" and a "woman with a round face, small eyes, and upturned nose" to have profanities shouted at them in a scene. Fun? [TMZ]
• Johnny Depp topped a list of stars people would most like to share a candlelit dinner with. [The Star]
• Prince Harry will have lunch with the soldier he called a racial slur. [Telegraph]
• Are you ready for this image-shattering picture of 18-year-old Emma Roberts in the new GQ — in which she is wearing a tanktop and no bra? [Just Jared]
• Hilary Duff is back on TV: First she landed a guest spot on Ghost Whisperer; now she's gonna be on Law & Order: SVU. [E!]
• Speaking of L&O, Mariska Hargitay is headed back to work after a three-week absence. [People]
• Justin Guarini says American Idol sorta sucks: "Every single year, we cannot stand the group performances. I know they can't stand it either. And I think what makes [the group performances] even worse now is that they're lip-synced. They're really prerecorded now." [E!]
• Metallica went on stage at South By Southwest, telling the audience they were a "young band from Norway." Are they still in therapy? [USA Today]
• Kanye West closed SXSW, saying "It feels so good to rock for you tonight." [AP]
• We heard Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green broke up; then we heard they were back together, now we're hearing that she has moved out and is staying in a hotel. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Congrats to Natasha Bedingfield, who got hitched in Malibu on Saturday. [E!]
• After the success of that video which is an internet hit, Ricky Gervais and Elmo are working on a show together! [The Sun]
• Flavor Flav turned 50 over the weekend?!?!?! [Hollywood Rag]
• John Mellencamp blogged about the record business for HuffPo. [Huffington Post]
• Jamie Lee Curtis blogged about the "Recession Diet." [HuffPo]
• M.I.A. will play Coachella on April 18. [NY Times]
• "John Cleese halves payout for ex-wife to £650,000 in first celebrity credit crunch divorce." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon enjoys "watersports" in his bedroom? His steady stream of gentleman callers are a little grossed out by it." [Gatecrasher]
• "I love writing for Dwight because he has one of the richest back stories of any of the characters. He is a farmer who is part Amish, who has war criminal relatives and who was involved in a secret love triangle — and has a nine-bedroom, possibly haunted hotel-farm. He has such a colorful past, and Rainn [Wilson] is such a gifted actor that it's like a great treasure map writing for his character… I think the Kelly character is fun to play because she's not a role model for anybody. Although I do sometimes believe my parents wish I played a cardiologist at Johns Hopkins." — Mindy Kaling, of The Office. [Washington Post]
• "To say that they like this movie would be like the crazy understatement of the world, 'cause they are crazy about it. They carry the characters around; they play in the morning with their action figures, so this is a really great experience to make a film for my kids that they love. There's not that many movies that have female superheroes in them so this was a great opportunity to not only be telling a great story of female empowerment but also create this awesome character." — Reese Witherspoon, on Monsters Vs. Aliens. [The Sun]
• "I'd probably have head-butted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off." — Pete Doherty, on what he'd have done if he'd seen Kate Moss at his record label. [The Sun]
• "A few people have gone overboard. We have people come in to spray them. But there's a little Oompa-Loompa going on this season. It's not for me. I'm holding to the middle-age pasty-white-guy look." — Tom Bergeron, on the orange-ness on the contestants on Dancing With The Stars. [E!]
• "I love doing photo shoots. I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I'd do that… because that's fun for me. That's not work." — Lindsay Lohan, to Nylon. [Page Six]
• "A size zero? I've never heard of that. That didn't exist when I was growing up. When did that start? What does it mean?" — Heidi Klum. [Socialite Life]

• Is this leaked list of supposed Oscar winners for real? Most of the "winners" are pretty expected, but there are a few upsets listed as well, namely in the Supporting Actress and Screenplay categories. [Cinematical]

• Kate Winslet may be the front-runner for the Oscar, but it's her parents' approval that means the most: "My dad's an actor and he's very opinionated and has specific tastes so it's not always that they've seen a film I've been in and they have lots of things to say or are extremely moved. They always love everything I'm in because they're my mum and dad. And they always say the right thing but with The Reader they were just so shocked because they just said it's not you, it's not you." [ShowbizSpy]
• Celebrities will have the option to donate their Oscar gift bags to charity: "The spin ... is that the celebrity actually could go around, pick up one of everything and then give it to the charity of their choice," says Gavin Keilly, who runs the GBK luxury lifestyle gift suites, "They won't be taxed on it and now they are doing their part about really making a difference and helping out a good cause, just for a few minutes of their time." [Reuters]
• Someone claiming to be Britney Spears has been leaving messages with an attorney's office, asking for help in breaking away from her current conservatorship situation. Is it Britney? Or just a fake? A source says it's "absolutely not" Britney. [Yahoo]
• Taylor Swift has forgiven the girls who were mean to her in school: "You know, I've kind of let that grudge go," she says, "And I let it go completely when I played a show in my hometown a year after my album came out and [at the signing] after the show, all those girls showed up they waited for three hours in line and they had my shirts on. And I started to realize, wow, we were kids. And you know what? They don't remember it."[RollingStone]
• Breaking the hearts of every boy I went to elementary school with, Danica "Winnie Cooper" McKellar is engaged to marry her longtime boyfriend next month. [OK!]
• Sparkly vampire Robert Pattinson doesn't understand the American drinking culture (or lack thereof): "There isn't really like a pub [culture] in L.A," Pattinson says, "It's just a very different culture. I think people from L.A. don't really understand how it's such a normal thing to be in pubs from a very young age in London. people [in America] just think it's so strange. Like drinking has such a stigma attached to it here. I've never really understood it. It seems so normal to me."[ShowbizSpy]
• Knowing that "Black parachute pants and a Huey Lewis and the News T-shirt," is one of the worst outfits Amy Poehler has actually worn only makes us love her more. [BlackBook]
• Hilary Duff will be making an appearance on The Ghost Whisperer. "JLH's one of my friends, and we were having dinner one night," Duff says, "She's like, ‘Come be on my show. You know, we're almost finished.' I'm like, ‘Give me a part. I'll do it!' And it just kind of came about really naturally and organically like that."[JustJared]
• "One of the hardest things I think for anybody is to sit in the edit room and look at yourself. You're already humiliated by, like, 'Oh, right, I forgot, that's what I look like.' Now you get to see yourself frozen with the worst angle of you face -– and with bad acting on top of it. You want to say, Excuse me, I've just got to go and kill myself."- Demetri Martin [EW]
• Clay Aiken has left his record label. "We were unable to come to terms in a recent contract negotiation, and decided that it was best to move on," his rep says. Surely the Claymates will follow where ever he goes. [People]
• Nadya Suleman faces questions wherever she goes: "Yes, I took my daughter for a girls' day out and needed some lip gloss and stopped by M.A.C. But, they gave me the wrong color. Everyone started
  approaching me in the store asking me how I was going to afford my kids and stuff. Some were really nice."[USMagazine]
• Jennifer Aniston will be attending the Academy Awards and presenting with Jack Black. [E!]
• Meanwhile, celebrities are apparently trying to schedule their red carpet time around the arrival of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: "Brad and Ange are the dream ticket, as they have been throughout awards season," a source says, "As soon as they step on the red carpet all eyes are on them – cameras too. I know a lot of stars wanting a fair share of the spotlight are making a point of not arriving when Brad and Ange are making the walk up the red carpet. There's nothing worse than being dumped mid-interview for the hot couple."[ShowbizSpy]
• Miley Cyrus is speaking out against people who label her relationship with her father, Billy Ray, as "creepy." "The media has said some stuff about my dad and me being too close and too cuddly for a father and a daughter," Miley writes in her new memoir, "For me and my dad it's not weird at all."[Mirror]
• Sienna Miller isn't worried about getting older: "Recently I found myself thinking, ‘I'm getting wrinkles and things are wobbling - I should go to the gym'. Then I was like, 'f*** it'," Miller says, "It's not where the focus should be right now. LA is a nightmare for that. Young girls in Hollywood are having pre-emptive Botox. I say, let people be young and then be old. I can't wait to be seen as a woman." Um, you're 27, dude. Aren't you already a woman? [ShowbizSpy]
• Conan O'Brien's final show in NYC was last night: he addresses how he'll deal with the move to LA in this clip. [Hulu]
• And finally, another of Mariah Carey's dreams comes true with these three words: Hello Kitty Toilet. [InventorSpot]

Danica was promoting her new book, Kiss My Math, and she was telling girls that "Attacking something that's challenging will make you stronger," so they shouldn't get too bummed out if they do poorly on a test. Her message was really getting across until Al Roker ended the segment by saying he might have been better at algebra "If my math teacher had looked like you…" Blerg. Clip above.

Earlier: The Wonder Years' Danica McKellar Tells Brooklyn To "Kiss My Math"

• Megan got some airtime with feminist grand dame Gloria Steinem and we were all a little awestruck.
• We suspect that Ms. Steinem would not approve of John Edwards' wandering willie.
• You know what else she's probs over? The annoyingly quirky and underwritten Manic Pixie Dream Girls littering movies today.
• However, she might like Mad Men's sassy, gorgeous Joan Holloway.

• What would the gross sexist dudes in the Mad Men office think of Erin Andrews' controversial outfit? Nothing good. Ugh.
• Maury tortured some poor lady with cotton balls. So that happened.
• We hung out with admitted Mathlete Danica McKellar.
• The Prodge Run Olympics challenge was cray cray!!
• And speaking of the Olympics, they began today. So remember these lady Olympians to watch and tube out with some amazing athletes. It's Friday!

"I'm a middle-school teacher," said one young woman, "and I really want to get girls more involved."

"I just think she's hot," said a creepy nerd in his mid-thirties.

McKellar, when she stepped up, looked exactly like Winnie Cooper. Attired in a fitted purple jersey dress and gold hoop earrings, it was hard to believe she was 33 — which is, I guess, the point. She had a bubbly, girlish speaking style and a SoCal intonation and peppered her speech with "hecks" and "goshes." "I was scared of math," she began frankly, explaining she didn't see herself as fitting the stereotype of the math nerd and doubting her early successes. "When a girl fails at math, it's like confirmation of what she already believes about herself." McKellar explained that she wants to show that math is for everyone, "that you can be that girly girl who wears four-inch heels and is good at math" - and that "being smart doesn't make you a nerd, whatever that even means!" Math, she said, "is like exercise for your mind," and useful in more contexts than most girls understand. "If you want to open a cute little boutique? You're going to need math! I even have a section on unexpected careers that require math, like designing," she said.

Despite McKellar's enthusiasm, the audience — with the exception of one elderly man with a none-too-clean iron-gray ponytail who guffawed indiscriminately throughout — remained stony-faced. ("Do you remember math tests?" she asked confidentially at one point. Silence. "Well, I sure do!" she continued pluckily.) The reading portion, because it's a math text, was necessarily brief. Then, of course, questions.

"I'm a teacher," said the first speaker. "Are you going to continue with the series and do pre-calc, calculus and trig, too?"

McKellar said she might.

"I'm also a teacher," said the next. "And I'm already seeing girls feeling really discouraged by seventh grade. "
"I'm a middle-school teacher, too," said a third. "are you going to be doing any speaking at schools?"

A guy asked if she was encouraged by the recent reports that girls were as good at math as boys.

"Those statistics are nothing new," said McKellar heatedly. "It's not a question of ability; girls just don't see themselves as able to compete at a high level."

Someone asked about her speech before Congress for funding for scholarships for women.

"The truth is, scholarships aren't the problem, really," said McKellar. "By college, it's too late - women don't think of themselves as mathematicians, end of story. They're not applying for those scholarships."

"Don't you think it's unfair to be focusing on girls when kids across the board are struggling with math?" asked one guy aggressively.

"Well, lots of boys read the book," said McKellar defensively. She went on to say that textbooks had always been geared towards a male sensiblity, so this was more about redressing a balance.

"When is The Wonder Years coming out on DVD?" demanded an old man with a mustache and a Nascar cap.

McKellar very graciously replied that she didn't know but that "I've heard there are bootlegs out there, but they're illegal."

As the customers lined up, marshaled strictly by the B&N employees, to have their books signed, I heard an 11-year-old girl say, shyly, "I like your book. It made math fun." McKellar beamed with pleasure. At that same moment, I noticed a group of young guys pass by the picture window in front of which the actress and math genius was standing and give her rear end a thorough and unabashed once-over. The two things, combined, seemed like a pretty good window into the one-time Maxim model's life. Kiss My Math, indeed.

Finally, more than 50% of women "asked maths questions by their children or family said they struggled to answer them," reports the BBC. If the vintage calculator ad above is any indication — "If you can't remember numbers, Rapidman can!" displayed with a picture of a smiling, groceries clad couple — it's not that the average woman is worse at math than the average man, but that, as the BBC implies, she's just less confident in her abilities. (Age also was a major factor in the poll, as men and women over 55 were the most confident in their mathematical abilities, while 25 to 34-year-olds were the least sure of themselves.) Studies have shown that in the bell curve of mathematical ability, most women end up clustered around the middle, while men more often fall on the high and low ends of the ability spectrum, and in American schools, girls and boys are now equal in their math courses. Once again we say to the Daily Mail: sod off. Your proclamations about women's frivolousness are only discouraging their latent math skills. Danica McKellar, Winne Cooper from the Wonder Years and the co-author of a scientific paper about a theorem in mathematical physics is our new math deity.

[Image via Vintage Ads.]

Earlier: Do We Suck At Math Because Of Biology Or The Patriarchy?
It All Adds Up
A Blast From The Past Brings A Glimmer Of Hope For The Future