Assuming that all men would be sleazy creeps in a lesbian club is kind of like assuming that all women are sluts who just want it. I don't like this at all.
@amowls: True, but the type of guys who would basically crash a lesbian party to which they haven't been invited might be sleazier than a random dude who is hanging out with his friends at a lesbian club.
It is a major concern that heterosexual males will attend the Pinkalicious event in the hope they can achieve their desire for a sexual experience with multiple women."
That this has to be spelled out is disturbing.
Has Ms Price that choice is a fundamental aspect of democracy? The Pinkalicious pussy posse isn't trying to institutionalize segregation; just choosing their audience, according to terms for the best possible outcome.
Unbelievable. I really don't get how "men might pester the women for sex" is not understood as a critical distinguishing factor between the two cases of alleged exclusion. *headthumps Sue Price*
I'm not the kind of queer girl who would probably go to a bar/dance that banned men all the time, but I'd go sometimes. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I might go.
I completely understand what these ladies are talking about. I am quite feminine. I'm a girly queer, hence the name. I am also totally lipstick, and love feminine girls. I cannot TELL you the number of times I've been out with a girl and men have skeezed us out, made comments, stared, asked us for threesomes, and all manner of incredibly fratboy behavior. In most men's worlds, lesbians are either pretending to be men, or some sort of coquette that really wants to go home with them, and is just teasing him by kissing girls. It's disturbing. And it can ruin your night.
It's sad that they even had to ban men, but in my experience, they are probably right.
Hana Maru promoted this comment
Edited by GirlyQ is a manta ray at 07/22/09 6:27 PM
GirlyQ is a manta ray was starred
GirlyQ is a manta ray was unstarred
@girlyQ: It all comes down to respect (or a lack thereof). I feel the same way about obnoxious bachelorette parties at gay men's clubs. Only with the bachelorette situation, the gay men are more likely to have someone yell "Woooo!" in their face whilst waving a penis-straw than get sexually assaulted, so it is partially a safety issue.
@Cerridwen: I think it's really strange the way straight women seem to fetishize having a gay friend. Or going to gay bars. Or what have you. it's just not as sexual as guys and lesbians.
@girlyQ: MOST men? Or do you mean most young, single guys that watch too much porno? Those of us that have been around a few years, and have had a more than a few lesbian friends, don't think like this. Fratboyism is not the norm.
@token_illiterate_commenter: Most men I've been around at the bar scene. You're right, that wasn't fair, just built on my negative experiences. I've known plenty of nice straight men.
Elite men's clubs and golf courses in America have been made to desegregate because of the discrimination that was occurring, with only men being able to network and such, same with the whites only clubs that were made illegal. The reason it's not the same is that men and women do not have parallel status in society. Women create women only spaces as a respite from male dominance and harassment, while men do not have the same concern. Reverse discrimination is such bullshit.
My first response to "women-only" and "men-only" spaces is to say, "Define 'woman'" or "Define 'man'" because it's not as easy as one would think (Would a pre-op or not planning to get an op trans woman be allowed in? etc). However, if the gay men only clubs are allowed to bar women I don't see how it's wrong for a gay/bi women only club to bar men. It's about safe space. Yes, the barring of men, period, would exclude respectful men who want to go to this club with their female friends just to hang out but it's necessary to keep the jerks out.
@angiek: This is a fairly contentious issue at the Women's Centre at my alma mater, where there is the question of whether pre-op MTF trans people should be welcomed to the centre. I'm not sure of the answer in that situation but in this case, I don't see the problem in barring men from private functions.
These are private parties, right? Then what's the issue? If I don't want left handed sewer wokers at my party, that's my business. That's why they call them "private". Why guys would want to go these things is beyond me, though. A party full of women, and you know you won't get anywhere with any of them. Way too much like high school for me.
@token_illiterate_commenter: Not all guys get that lesbianism excludes them. The type of dude who would go to a lesbian party to ogle have generally seen way too many FFM pornos. And they assume that yes, they are actually going to score with the ladies who like ladies.
@Hooplehead: Bleah. To whatever degree they may have overestimated their sex appeal, it's the sense of entitlement that gets me. Like they have a right to entry, or something. Nausea.
@Rooo sez BISH PLZ: Yes. And "bar lesbians" and Katy Perry's stupidity don't help things. It's like that scene from Chasing Amy where Joey Lauren has to keep explaining and keep explaining that yes, you can have sex without a peen. Some dudes just. don't. get. lesbianism at all.
@token_illiterate_commenter:
The problem is that in Melbourne there are several prominent men's clubs that cater for the powerful business elite. The attorney-general wants these clubs open to women because they are discriminatory for the sake of being discriminatory, to keep men at the top of the power structure to the exclusion of women. In the past they have refused to grant membership to Jews as well so they have a long track record of discrimination. These clubs go against the egalitarianism and 'fair go' mentality that Australia likes to pride itself on.
However, this is what is upsetting all the poor widdle heterosexual white males about this decision. They're being told they can't discriminate to keep all the power to themselves, so they can't understand why others can discriminate to keep themselves safe. Their poor little brains simply can't cope with complexities that don't involve them having all the say and all the power.
@EvilWombatQueen:
As a (now ex) Melburnian (current Brisvageian?!), you got hearted for that comment my friend.
For any of you interested in the male-only pompous clubs in Australia, check out The Chaser's skit on getting the GG into the club (a rule of the male-only Melbourne Club is that the GG automatically gains membership. They won't let our current GG in however as she is a woman.) This link provides response to the skit:
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,25554617-10229,00.html
Original skit link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgBPuV6eEHE
I for one, LOVE that the GG ordered a copy of the skit for the GG archives!
Ugh, I totally don't get the outrage. As long as gay men's clubs are entitled to bar the entry of women, I don't see anything wrong. I mean if these guys wanted to support the LGBT community they should go to one of the all mens parties.
I do have to say that I have hung out at gay and lesbian bars and clubs and have basically been respectful and didn't attempt to hook up with a lesbian or whatever. I just hung out with my friends and enjoyed the music videos or L word episodes playing in the background. It makes me sad that people can't adhere to a modicum of respect.
Some people need more home training or something. Sigh.
@Trulymadlyme: I was a theatre major in college, so the local gay bar was a safe and popular hang out for my cohort, both gay and straight. I eventually had to quit going. I tend to set off false alarms with most people's gay-dar (even my wife thought so on our first date). Unfortunately, after more than a few unwelcome (and bristly) kisses/physical contact from men at neighboring tables I decided that it probably wasn't the best scene for me.
That said, I'd almost rather that all businesses were open to anyone regardless of gender or sexuality, and the clubs used bouncers to enforce good behavior/manners. I respect the need for the double-standard here, but will hope for the day when it is unnecessary.
@lockdog: That's so true. The bouncers at many of the clubs I went to were pretty on top of things when it came to bad behavior.
Getting unwanted sexual advances made me realize how crazy it can be for women. I mean, yes, it's odd that some random guy basically just grabbed me, but for women it's basically the default "bad behavior." I found myself viewing the straight dive bars and clubs really differently afterward.
99 percent of the time, however, I was treated with respect and had fun. If anything, going to gay and lesbian clubs made me more respectful.
@lockdog: I understand the 'need' for gay bars from a totally different angle. *ahem*
"People of America! If you go to a gay bar, you cannot be offended when someone of the same sex hits on you!"
I was at this gay bar once, and tried to buy a drink for this really cute girl. She looked at me with disgust, and said "I'm straight. I came here to hang out with gay GUYS."
So, this is the angle I'm coming from. Life is hard enough without having to go "She's here, but is she queer?"
@girlyQ: I want to punch that girl for you (not that you need my help). That's complete shit and you're completely right, as I know you know.
Also, I hate what her remark implies. Like, gay guys are so cutesy friendsies and look they like pink too heheheheeee but chicks who like chicks? EEEEWWW. I mean, what shit double standard is that?
@JerseyGrrrl: I know, but I get that more often than I think is okay. Women who love my male gay friend have avoided me for weeks after finding out I'm also queer. Because I am clearly madly in love with them. Which goes with my favorite comment: "But you don't look gay!". I blame the media for making gay guys 'trendy' to be friends with.
I wouldn't have cared if she just told me she was straight, hell, I probably still would have bought her the drink and let her be. I just thought she didn't have a lot of room to be that upset about it.
@girlyQ: You're absolutely right. Getting hit on in a gay bar? Part and parcel of being there. And flattering. Getting grabbed by a drunken stranger? Kind of scary in any context. I think that's what he was saying.
And that girl is an absolute asshole. I swear, people, I need to open a school on manners. Watch out crackerjacks.
@Trulymadlyme: I spent Pride at a club in Central London and I got hit on a bit by women (i am a little butch striaght girl) but I politely declined and ended up chatting to most of them about other things and had a nice time doing so. Any woman who goes to a gaybar expecting not to get hit on occasionally is an idiot, just because there are no straight men doesn't mean they're aren't people who might find you attractive.
@girlyQ: "People of America! If you go to a gay bar, you cannot be offended when someone of the same sex hits on you!"
Hit on, sure. Paw, follow around all night, refuse to take no for an answer, refuse to take "I like guys, thanks" as an answer and manhandle me to the point where I have matching arm bruises the next day, not so much. I am polite about announcing my straightness in such situations, but IME the boys have not cornered the market on boorishness when hitting on someone.
@girlyQ: I HATE when straight girls comes to gay events WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS. They have the entire WORLD to go hold hands or get married or have a baby and people will smile at them and say "what a fine example of traditional respectable values." Why do they have to come to our space, create an insecure environment, and to add insult, bring their hairy oogling warthog along?
@BytheSea: I completely agree. Being an annoying bachelorette is shitty. But are you okay with your friends who are not gay joining you when you go out?
I went through a hard time with some of my good friends who dropped me after they came out. It wasn't because I didn't support and love them because I did and still do.
I agree being rude is wrong. But when my good friend invited me out, I try to be a good friend, which includes as a default being a good person (which includes at the bare minimum not being that asshole oogling lesbians or flipping out when someone offers to buy me drink). I would like to think if we were friends outside of Jez, you might trust me to be your friend and not an asshole. I think that's what I was trying to say. Being a jerk is wrong. But it breaks my heart that the jerks are representing all of the good people out there. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's the only thing I can do...
@girlyQ: Your absolutely right. I never had any problem politely declining a polite advance, in fact, I've met a lot of good friends that way. But I'm a fairly small guy and a little shy, so having perfect strangers plant whiskery kisses on you without even saying hello, while somewhat flattering, is a little much.
That said, the way you were treated was beyond rude.
@lockdog: Right. I hope I did not give the impression that I thought it was okay to hound someone all night long. I don't want people of a sex I'm attracted to or not doing that. I was just trying, and maybe failing, to show the problems it might cause to not have a place where you can be reasonably assured of someone's sexuality.
@Trulymadlyme: I'm an equal opportunity friend. Some of my best friends are right wing religious wing nuts. (Well, one, and that cousin I mostly get along with.) I'm not talking about being friends, I'm sure we can do that fine. I'm talking about the occasional necessity for protected space. Wimmins need they knit n bitch, men had their guys-only bowling nights, prayer groups don't let in the athiests, fat acceptance groups don't let in skinnies. Gay people sometimes need their space and straight people could do us a serious solid by respecting that.
When you're living under the constant Chinese water torture of heteronormativity, you need a place where you can just *breathe*. Where you don't have to watch your back and think about the mainstream. Where you ARE the mainstream. Where, if you're a freak, at least that other cute freak across the room accepts and promotes your mutual freakiness.
BTW, thanks for promoting me, unnamed masked starred commenter.
@BytheSea: You're welcome! And I totally get the need for a space to just exist outside of the confines of hetronormativity, it just bums me out that you can't feel that way everywhere (but that's whole other thread).
It's a shame that such a wonderful concept (woman only space) feels the need to adhere to the gender stereotyping that dictates all woman only parties need to look like somebody just barfed sex and the city all over them.
@themorethemerrier: Who said anything about how ALL woman only parties need to be? This is one way for them to be, and it's actually contrary to the dominant image of lesbians.
I've run into slight hostility once at a gay club; my friend and I were the only girls there. I chalked that up to the fact that it was in West Hollywood and they were all bitches, though.
Someone brought up the issue of bachelorette parties at gay clubs a few days ago, and I think this simply takes it even further, as these men are actively trying to have sex with these women.
@Penny: Really? That's unfortunate. I spent my 21st Bday at Rage in WeHo (because it was a Sunday and I actually love the clubs over there) and had the best Bday ever! It was mostly males that night, but someone overheard it was my Bday, asked a friend my name and before I knew it, I was being hoisted up on stage by some very nice drag queens.
@Alexis Brown: Yeah, it was called Hot Dog (I think) and a DJ friend recommended it because I wanted a place with good music. No drag queens, though, mostly oiled up muscle boys.
@Penny: Yes. A lot of male gay bars around here don't encourage the ladies' attendance. Some ban them, some just give you a frosty reception and a loooooong wait for a drink. But I have to wonder if the guys have been harassed by clueless girls (and bachelorettes esp.) as well, if the reception is that cold.
@AthertonMerriweather: This made me laugh because Pinkalicious is this awesome kids book about a little girl who eats too many pink cupcakes and turns pink (and in the play, her little brother does too). I, um, would not want to go to a party called Pinkalicious unless it were for a little girl's birthday. Then I'd so be there.
07/23/09
Assuming that all men would be sleazy creeps in a lesbian club is kind of like assuming that all women are sluts who just want it. I don't like this at all.
07/23/09
07/22/09
That this has to be spelled out is disturbing.
Has Ms Price that choice is a fundamental aspect of democracy? The Pinkalicious pussy posse isn't trying to institutionalize segregation; just choosing their audience, according to terms for the best possible outcome.
07/22/09
*headthumps Sue Price*
07/22/09
I completely understand what these ladies are talking about. I am quite feminine. I'm a girly queer, hence the name. I am also totally lipstick, and love feminine girls. I cannot TELL you the number of times I've been out with a girl and men have skeezed us out, made comments, stared, asked us for threesomes, and all manner of incredibly fratboy behavior. In most men's worlds, lesbians are either pretending to be men, or some sort of coquette that really wants to go home with them, and is just teasing him by kissing girls. It's disturbing. And it can ruin your night.
It's sad that they even had to ban men, but in my experience, they are probably right.
07/22/09
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07/22/09
Nausea.
07/22/09
07/22/09
Some dudes just. don't. get. lesbianism at all.
Or they just deny it by deeming it a "phase" that only their extra special dick can cure. Barf.
07/22/09
The problem is that in Melbourne there are several prominent men's clubs that cater for the powerful business elite. The attorney-general wants these clubs open to women because they are discriminatory for the sake of being discriminatory, to keep men at the top of the power structure to the exclusion of women. In the past they have refused to grant membership to Jews as well so they have a long track record of discrimination. These clubs go against the egalitarianism and 'fair go' mentality that Australia likes to pride itself on.
However, this is what is upsetting all the poor widdle heterosexual white males about this decision. They're being told they can't discriminate to keep all the power to themselves, so they can't understand why others can discriminate to keep themselves safe. Their poor little brains simply can't cope with complexities that don't involve them having all the say and all the power.
07/22/09
As a (now ex) Melburnian (current Brisvageian?!), you got hearted for that comment my friend.
For any of you interested in the male-only pompous clubs in Australia, check out The Chaser's skit on getting the GG into the club (a rule of the male-only Melbourne Club is that the GG automatically gains membership. They won't let our current GG in however as she is a woman.)
This link provides response to the skit:
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,25554617-10229,00.html
Original skit link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgBPuV6eEHE
I for one, LOVE that the GG ordered a copy of the skit for the GG archives!
07/22/09
I do have to say that I have hung out at gay and lesbian bars and clubs and have basically been respectful and didn't attempt to hook up with a lesbian or whatever. I just hung out with my friends and enjoyed the music videos or L word episodes playing in the background. It makes me sad that people can't adhere to a modicum of respect.
Some people need more home training or something. Sigh.
07/22/09
07/22/09
That said, I'd almost rather that all businesses were open to anyone regardless of gender or sexuality, and the clubs used bouncers to enforce good behavior/manners. I respect the need for the double-standard here, but will hope for the day when it is unnecessary.
07/22/09
Getting unwanted sexual advances made me realize how crazy it can be for women. I mean, yes, it's odd that some random guy basically just grabbed me, but for women it's basically the default "bad behavior." I found myself viewing the straight dive bars and clubs really differently afterward.
99 percent of the time, however, I was treated with respect and had fun. If anything, going to gay and lesbian clubs made me more respectful.
07/22/09
"People of America! If you go to a gay bar, you cannot be offended when someone of the same sex hits on you!"
I was at this gay bar once, and tried to buy a drink for this really cute girl. She looked at me with disgust, and said "I'm straight. I came here to hang out with gay GUYS."
So, this is the angle I'm coming from. Life is hard enough without having to go "She's here, but is she queer?"
07/22/09
Also, I hate what her remark implies. Like, gay guys are so cutesy friendsies and look they like pink too heheheheeee but chicks who like chicks? EEEEWWW. I mean, what shit double standard is that?
07/22/09
I wouldn't have cared if she just told me she was straight, hell, I probably still would have bought her the drink and let her be. I just thought she didn't have a lot of room to be that upset about it.
07/22/09
And that girl is an absolute asshole. I swear, people, I need to open a school on manners. Watch out crackerjacks.
07/22/09
07/22/09
"People of America! If you go to a gay bar, you cannot be offended when someone of the same sex hits on you!"
Hit on, sure. Paw, follow around all night, refuse to take no for an answer, refuse to take "I like guys, thanks" as an answer and manhandle me to the point where I have matching arm bruises the next day, not so much. I am polite about announcing my straightness in such situations, but IME the boys have not cornered the market on boorishness when hitting on someone.
07/22/09
07/22/09
I went through a hard time with some of my good friends who dropped me after they came out. It wasn't because I didn't support and love them because I did and still do.
I agree being rude is wrong. But when my good friend invited me out, I try to be a good friend, which includes as a default being a good person (which includes at the bare minimum not being that asshole oogling lesbians or flipping out when someone offers to buy me drink). I would like to think if we were friends outside of Jez, you might trust me to be your friend and not an asshole. I think that's what I was trying to say. Being a jerk is wrong. But it breaks my heart that the jerks are representing all of the good people out there. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's the only thing I can do...
07/22/09
That said, the way you were treated was beyond rude.
07/22/09
07/22/09
When you're living under the constant Chinese water torture of heteronormativity, you need a place where you can just *breathe*. Where you don't have to watch your back and think about the mainstream. Where you ARE the mainstream. Where, if you're a freak, at least that other cute freak across the room accepts and promotes your mutual freakiness.
BTW, thanks for promoting me, unnamed masked starred commenter.
07/23/09
07/22/09
I agree that it's not special treatment -- it's a safety issue.
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07/22/09
I've run into slight hostility once at a gay club; my friend and I were the only girls there. I chalked that up to the fact that it was in West Hollywood and they were all bitches, though.
Someone brought up the issue of bachelorette parties at gay clubs a few days ago, and I think this simply takes it even further, as these men are actively trying to have sex with these women.
07/22/09
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CHEESE.
07/22/09