Meet Chris Gaida, professional red-carpeteer. He baby-sits celebrities at events because he can work a tux and knows where the bathrooms are, basically. Gaida's escorted Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, Julia Roberts, and Reese Witherspoon. And oh, does he have stories!

• Jean-Paul Gaultier, on Lady Gaga: "I think she's talented and very inpolitically incorrect, which I love. But I also think that she read up on Madonna's life and learnt it like the Bible." [Telegraph]

• Miley Cyrus, age almost-18, had a beer in Spain, where it's okay to be almost-18 and drink beer. But now this dude James E. Copple from the International Institute for Alcohol Awareness is getting all up in her business, scoldin'.

• WWD writes that Angelina Jolie needs to up her style game because Salt had boring clothes. Jolie is failing in her duty to all womankind because, "fashion needs aspirational icons; it always has. Michelle Obama can't do it alone." [WWD]

• When Kristen Stewart's controversial rape analogy, which she apologized for, came up in an interview, Robert Pattinson launched into a rant, saying, "That whole system of Internet journalists, where no one is called to account, is almost entirely about hate..."

[New York, June 23. Image via INF]

• While playing at the Nashville Pride festival yesterday, Vanessa Carlton came out to the crowd, stating: "I've never said this before, but I am a proud bisexual woman." [AfterEllen]

• Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are allegedly on a break. When asked how wedding plans are going yesterday, Rachel said, "No, no plans," and pointed to her ring-less hand adding, "No nothing."

On last night's episode—after losing a challenge and facing getting fired—when asked about teammate Cyndi Lauper, Bret described "her rose and her thorn," referencing his 1988 hit, but also sort of muddling up its meaning.

In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Tyra pretends to have rabies, Lindsay Lohan says that partying is what she's "supposed to be doing," and the title of Queen Latifah's new movie—Just Wright—is particularly topical.

• Whitney Houston is in a Paris hospital suffering from nose and throat problems.

On last night's season premiere, the first task was a charity fund-raising event. Contestants were expected to call their famous, wealthy friends for donations. Cyndi Lauper said she didn't have many rich friends—except for Rosie O'Donnell, Donald's nemesis.

[London, March 1. Image via INFDaily.]

• Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis: A "very smelly couple."

• Justin Timberlake's mom Lynn Harless calls Jessica Biel "one of us." She says:

"How wonderful life is, now that Gaga's in the world," warbled Elton John. Hyperbolic? Maybe: but red carpets are sure a lot weirder! The amfAR New York Gala is always star-studded and fab, but it's never been this...odd.

• In case you might have forgotten their existence, the Kardashian sisters would like to remind you that they have not only a Bebe clothing line, but also a jewelry collection. It is, says Kim, "inspired by our Armenian heritage." [People]

• Lady Gaga reportedly stood up for Adam Lambert after a concert in Ottawa recently when a man began yelling at the two of them, asking "Don't you care that you're both going to hell?" The Lady allegedly replied:

There's some new stuff in the latest Entertainment Earth catalog. Plus: Free shipping on Christian Bale? Where do we sign?