Okay, so I don’t want to be That Girl because our national public grief is sincere and beautiful, and Prince and his work meant a lot to a lot of people, and still does, and will for generations, but I thought you guys should know that doves can’t actually cry.
First of all, I’d like to thank the asshats at the Academy for ending Leonardo DiCaprio’s decades of suffering and finally giving him that trivial trophy he so desperately craved and campaigned for this entire awards season despite his acting being pretty regularé in Revenant.
During a lunch in Detroit on Wednesday, President Obama told guests he refused a request to speak at his daughter Malia’s high school graduation because he’ll be too busy crying. “Malia’s school asked if I wanted to speak at commencement and I said no,” the president explained. “I’m going to be wearing dark glasses…
Donald Trump, a full-grown Monopoly dog carefully balancing a spongecake atop his head, is familiar with the concept of human emotion. He hasn’t engaged in it personally, but he knows of it.
Next week, people across the country will be struggling through airports, boarding crowded airplanes, and traveling to see their families and in-laws to celebrate Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, of course, is a beautiful holiday that honors sharing, caring, taking things that don’t belong to you, and having your mom…
Welcome back to Pissing Contest where, after a brief hiatus after scaring ourselves senseless, we’re back! This week, we’re swapping stories about the most humiliating time that we started crying.
Well, everybody, it has been quite a month.
Fortunately for the people trapped in this sweltering, crab-ridden retreat for Christian personal trainers—and rather unfortunately for the conceit of this series—things have really dried up in paradise, tears-wise. But that’s not to say that no one cried! Please, this is a Bachelor show.
Welcome back to hell, you guys! This week on Bachelor in Paradise, the cast was extra sunburned, extra horny, and extra emotional.
This week in Paradise was an absolute mess.
On Thursday evening, Jon Stewart said goodbye to his loyal, leftie viewers.
In her Saturday op-ed column, New York Times writer Maureen Dowd reported that Joe Biden is thinking about running for the Democratic nomination. According to Dowd, Biden’s decision was prompted by the dying wish of his son, Beau Biden.
Speaker of the House John Boehner (R) participated in a jaunty interview segment on Golf TV, for some reason, and although the full tête-à-tête doesn’t air until August 3rd, the 30-second preview is an illuminating glimpse into the life of a Republican politician.
We had some surprising poll results this go ‘round! You all, and your spouses, more or less split evenly between criers and non-criers at your wedding.
BuzzFeed News has an interview with a man whose wedding photo was seized upon by meninists and turned into a racist and sexist meme distributed on Twitter. The photo, which shows 23-year-old Adam Harris, of Austin, TX, tearing up at the sight of his bride on their wedding day, was captioned by the MeninistTweets…
Have you ever just wanted to take a day to get away from it all and weep bitter tears? If you’re traveling to Japan anytime soon, you can do just that in a specialized crying room designed to combat stress while allowing you to sob in elegance and comfort.
There were a lot of fun moments during Monday night's episode of The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, which is the best episode of every season of this show (to use Bachelor-approved superlatives). "Crazy" Ashley S. made it clear that she's probably an actress pretending to be insane. Carly and Britt fought about the…
If you've not already wasted all of your capitalist tears on Apple's sentimental sob-fest of a commercial, worry not. Stella Artois has got you covered four times over.
This is your face on Botox—and it's ridiculous.