• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

"Fell over badly last night and I've really fucked my back up. Just had an injection in my bum. How am I gonna get through tonight's gig?" Throwing out your back is terrible! So is Lily's hair/makeup in these pix. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Maher said he once saw Brad Pitt roll the most perfect joint he had ever seen. "I'm an artist," Brad agreed. [NY Daily News]
• Brad Pitt is being added to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes as the detective's arch enemy. The character of Moriarty was missing from a rough cut of the film, and movie execs insisted the famous nemesis be added to the flick. Ritchie called old pal Pitt (who was in Snatch) and he'll film this week in London. [Mirror]
• The Dancing With The Stars season 9 cast: Revealed! Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Kathy Ireland, Mya, Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, Ashley Hamilton, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (?!?!?!), Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, model Joanna Krupa, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Aaron Carter, Chuck Liddell, and snowboarder Louie Vito. [ABC News]
• Jennifer Aniston complimented a woman pole-dancing on the set of The Bounty, saying she looked like a professional. The lady replied, "I am!" [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney plans to sue a photographer who climbed over the wall of his Lake Como home and took pictures of a 13-year-old girl changing in a guest room, as well as snaps of Clooney and gf Elisabetta Canalis. Cloons says: "I don't know about the law in the United States, but in Italy it's illegal for photographers to climb over my wall. He'll also press charges against two magazines who published the photos. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé: Secretly taking ballet classes at Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin went to a party thrown by a student at Parsons School Of Design. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but arrived with a paparazzo and left with two female students. Keepin' it classy. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Even though Paula Abdul won't be on Dancing With The Stars, she MIGHT get a ABC show of her own. Paula's Wacky Clappy Variety Show? [TMZ]
• Madonna performed in Warsaw on Saturday even though it was a holy date, the Assumption of Mary feast. National group Pro Polonia called her a "crypto-Satanist," which is not very crypto. [Daily Express]
• Bob Dylan was on tour and took a walk in Long Branch, NJ, when he was stopped by cops; a resident had reported someone "wandering" around the neighborhood. A cop asked him for I.D. "I don't think she was familiar with his entire body of work," says a town official. [NY Daily News]
• Jennifer Lopez is looking pretty hot on the cover of InStyle and inside she's saying stuff like: "There's nothing as huge as giving birth to another human being and having to be responsible for another life. There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning after suffering smoke inhalation on the set of The Frighter. A smoke machine was being used for atmosphere and Wahlberg breathed in too much. [RadarOnline, Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil will be finalized at the end of the month, but Blake allegedly told a reporter: "I want to take her out for dinner and propose again. I hope that within five minutes we'll be planning where we're next going to get married." [Daily Mail]
• Blake also says: "She is looking beautiful and healthy now and it reminds me of the old Amy." [News Of The World]
• Amy will appear on Strictly Come Dancing in September as a backup singer for her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, and there's a cute picture of them hugging at the link. [Mirror]
• Bodysnarky opening sentence of the day: "She's looking thinner than ever, but there's one part of Victoria Beckham that looks set to put on a lot of weight very quickly - her wallet. Posh Spice has landed a £3million contract on American Idol…" [Daily Mail]
• Joe Simpson is pushing Jessica Simpson as the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. [Page Six]
• Saturday night after a Fall Out Boy show, Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz were at a bar when Ashlee got wasted, yelled at Pete and made him leave his own party early. Charming! [Perez]
• Jane Fonda, 71, might marry 67-year-old Richard Perry next year, which would be her fourth wedding. [Daily Express]
• So many contradictory stories about MJ. We first heard that he was strong during rehearsals. This report claims: "Michael Jackson was so weak in his final days he needed to be SPOON-FED meals, his make-up artist has revealed." [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's body has been moved in secret to a new crypt, where it's been frozen." [Daily Express]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson will be buried on what would have been his 51st birthday, August 29. Or so says Joe Jackson. [Gatecrasher]
• You know how Michael Phelps was in a car accident last week? Turns out he was driving with an expired license and told cops he had a beer about an hour before the crash. [TMZ]
• George Michael on his car smashup: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight." [E!]
• Eva Longoria is expanding her restaurant business, and soon she'll have a Beso Vegas and "Besitos" in ariports. [People]
• Kristin Bauer, who plays Pam on True Blood, thinks Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer will have kids together since Anna is "great" with Stephen's kids from previous relationships. [E!]
• Tons of Gossip Girl spoilers at the link, and yes, there are details on Chuck and Blair — with a HOT picture of the Bass. [People]
• Matthew Settle — Gossip Girl's Rufus — skateboards through New York during rush hour. [NY Times]
• Actress Aishwarya Rai has a chest infection with flu-like symptoms. [Times Of India]
• Anna Friel will play Holly Golightly in an upcoming stage production of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Times Of London]
• The Office's Amy Ryan — who plays Holly Flax — is pregnant. [E!]
• An excerpt of Alana Stewart's book, My Journey With Farrah: A Story Of Life, Love And Friendship, at the link. [Daily Mail]
• Bananarama's back. [Daily Mail]
• Aberdeen, Washington has the title of one hometown hero Kurt Cobain's songs, "Come As You Are," posted at the entrance of town. An unofficial park has been established next to the bridge under which Cobain hung out and wrote songs. [LA Times]
• Blind item! "Which D-list relationship recently ended when the gal found out her man's secret vice was boy-on-boy action?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't tell you how far from a gold-digger I am. I've never dated a rich man in my life. I've always wondered how girl friends of mine could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes." — Samantha Burke, who was impregnated by Jude Law. [Daily Mail]
• "I thought it was an incredibly sexual role and a challenge to be an 'older woman' in the film. Roles always challenge me in some personal way and that was one I wanted to overcome: 'Wow, all of a sudden, you've become the "Older Woman" in a movie. Let's give the younger ones a run for their money.'" — Anne Heche on playing opposite Ashton Kutcher in Spread. [LA Times]
• "This season, I really want to get back to the guerilla style I used to have. I want to try to get back to my roots and make it crazy. In the first episode, I get buried alive in a coffin, six feet under 5,000 pounds of snow. I want people to realize I'm not complacent because I have a little bit of success and a little money. Hopefully in return I can raise the level of the art form to the level other art forms receive, like the cinema.… I just really loved the ability as a kid to do something that adults didn't understand. It was like power. Then I realized as a teenager that there was more to the art of magic than how you did it. It's trying to connect to somebody." — Criss Angel, whose Mindfreak is back on A&E for its 5th season. [LA Times]
• "I like everything about filming except the acting. In recent years I've had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought 'Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in.'" — Hugh Grant. [Daily Mail]
• "I think anybody that's touring is going to have a carbon footprint. I think it's probably unfair to single out rock 'n' roll. There's many other things that are in the same category but as it happens we have a program to offset whatever carbon footprint we have." — The Edge, annoyed by critics of U2's travel. [Daily Express]
• "The Harry Potter books are not explicitly religious in the way that C.S. Lewis's Narnia tales are, but there is a strong sense of evil, and issues of good and evil are not only philosophical issues but also theological issues." —University of Massachusetts-Amherst philosophy professor Gareth B. Matthews. [UPI]
• "I think when I started I was working in the vein of The Dirty Dozen or The Devil's Brigade. But now watching the completed film with audiences, I don't think there has ever been a World War II movie like it. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste, but it's definitely a thing." — Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds. [WSJ]
• "Don Cheadle could play me, but I hope they just go with the obvious casting choice." — Richard Belzer, when asked who would play Richard Belzer if his crime novel about a a New York City police detective named Richard Belzer were made into a TV show. [Publishers Weekly]
• "I've had my heart broken before. Truly, truly broken. But when I look back at me in my heartbroken phase, it's pretty hilarious, because it felt so much more extreme than it really was. One of the things I love about (500) Days of Summer is that it doesn't make light of what we go through in romances, but it is honest about it and shows it for what it is, which is often profoundly funny." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Guardian]
• "The speed of news creates so much vertigo. I am a very private person." — Penelope Cruz. [Telegraph]
• "We kind of rolled our eyes at the idea of having to make out." — Amanda Seyfried on her Jennifer's Body girl-on-girl scene with Megan Fox. [Page Six via Entertainment Weekly]
• "I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn't be able to see my feet. Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer. Every time before I go on stage, or go out where I know there will be a lot of press, I take a skipping rope and spend about ten minutes, fully clothed, skipping. I look like Rocky. This way I can ensure that everything is firmly in place and I won't have a wardrobe malfunction. Don't want those boulders doing a show of their own." — Katy Perry. [The Sun]

• Kate Moss and Beth Ditto performed an "impromptu duet" at a club last night — singing "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. Guess who thought they did a great job? Simon Cowell. [The Sun]

• Simon Cowell is reportedly "exhausted" and "can't go on juggling three high-profile talent competitions." Will he quit American Idol, X Factor, or Britain's Got Talent? [MSNBC]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, has a nude scene in new movie I Love You, Beth Cooper. She says: "If I can't flaunt it at 20, come on! I mean I might as well show it now." [NY Daily News]
• FYI: Hayden Panettiere is single and looking to mingle, after dumping her boyfriend, UK TV presenter Steve Jones. [Daily Mail]
• Teenage heartbreak! Kevin Jonas, 21, is engaged to girlfriend Danielle Deleasa. "She said yes, yes, yes like 500 times super fast in a row," the oldest Jonas Brother gushes. [Rolling Stone]
• Brüno was re-rated to R from NC-17 after cuts and revisions. Specifically: Black circles will appear over certain naked body parts in three scenes. [Page Six]
• Jennifer Aniston, master chef? Friends say is an "awesome" cook and "everyone says she should open her own restaurant." [Daily Express]
• Oh dear: Holly Madison and illusionist Criss Angel: Back on. Just when we thought he'd made himself disappear! [Star]
• OK! magazine paid $500,000 for that "last" picture of Michael Jackson on the cover, and this columnist calls it "a new low." [MSNBC Scoop]
• One of Michael Jackson's former bodyguards says that he used to "confiscate" drugs from Michael Jackson and that Michael's doctors "have blood on their hands." This man also claims that Michael Jackson had a "secret girlfriend" when he died: "I'm not going to name who she is but I think the family were aware that there was someone special in his life who he loved and adored and had his ups and downs with. I don't know how long they've been a couple. I know she's been with him for some time in different capacities but... it's up to her if she wants it to come out or the family to speak about this very private information." [CBS News, Independent]
• Sources are saying that Michael Jackson's body had numerous injection marks. [TMZ]
• The DEA will assist the LAPD in investigating the doctors who treated Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• Did Michael Jackson use the names Omar Arnold and Jack London to get more drugs? [TMZ]
• Will there be a public Michael Jackson memorial at the Los Angeles Coliseum? [AP]
• One place there won't be a public memorial: Neverland. [AP]
• "Michael Jackson had a mountain of unreleased recordings in the vault when he died - music that is almost certain to be packaged and repackaged for his fans in the years to come." [AP]
• This report claims that a second Michael Jackson will does not exist. [TMZ]
• "[Michael Jackson] didn't like his children to stand staring into a mirror for too long when getting ready. 'I look great,' young Prince once said as he combed his hair. 'No, you look OK,' Michael corrected him." [Daily Mail]
• The promoter of Michael Jackson's O2 concerts is understandably confused: "We want answers. We have poured millions of cash into Michael's comeback. All the tests pointed to Jacko being in fine physical shape. It's a complete mystery. The insurance company had an independent physician fly out from New York and give him a five-hour exam. We were told that he passed with flying colours. Now I would like see the results. If he was taking that amount of prescription drugs and cocktails, wouldn't that have been picked up in the blood test?" [Uri Geller "found Michael Jackson so sedated on a trip to the UK he screamed at him to wake up." [The Sun]
• Uri Geller also claims that he once hypnotized Michael Jackson and asked: "Tell me with total honesty - did you ever touch a child in an inappropriate manner? He answered without hesitation. 'No. I would never do that.' ‘Then why did you pay Jordy Chandler's family off?' 'It was the easiest thing to do.' He appeared to be still under deep hypnosis and I believed he was quite incapable of lying." [Spectator]
• Will ABBA replace Michael Jackson, playing shows on the dates he would have? [The Sun]
• Marcia Clark weighs in on Michael Jackson here. [The Daily Beast]
• Jermaine Jackson says of brother Michael: "He went too soon. I don't know how people are going to take this, but I wish it was me." [Breitbart]
• 64% of Americans say news organizations have covered Michael Jackson's death too much. [AP]
• Mischa Barton tried to bring a friend into a stall in the ladies' room at a club in London, but was stopped by an attendant. So Mischa went in by herself, but took so long that people were knocking on the door and asking if she was okay. Unrelated: One of the commenters on this story takes issues with Mischa's scuffed shoes: "A bit of boot polish wouldn't go amiss, they are disgraceful! I was always brought up to believe that you could judge a person's character by the state of their shoes." [Daily Mail]
• Daryl Hannah's essay, "Why I Was Arrested in Coal River, West Virginia," is a tale of Mountain Top Removal and activism. [Huffington Post]
• Check our the Photoshopped, porcelain-smooth face of Nicole Kidman in these citrus-flavored Schweppes beverage ads. [JustJared]
• Watch for Paula Abdul to guest star on Lifetime's new series Drop Dead Diva. She'll be acting, you guys. [People]
• Ryan O'Neal banned son Griffin O'Neal from Farrah Fawcett's funeral. [Page Six]
• Why did Rachel Hunter's "millionaire toyboy" call of he wedding weeks before the ceremony? No concrete answers here, just speculation, like: "It seems - excuse the pun - that the ice hockey player got cold feet over the couple's 13-year age gap." [Daily Mail]
• The medical examiner who oversaw the private autopsy on David Carradine has said that the star died from asphyxiation, and it was not a suicide. [Reuters]
• RIP Mollie Sugden, who played Mrs. Slocombe on Are You Being Served? We'll miss that purple bouffant! [Guardian]
• "It can be difficult to fight the pressure to be thin but I've learned over the years to accept who I am. My children help enormously. They constantly tell me I'm beautiful, which makes it easier." — Andie MacDowell. [Daily Express]
• "If audiences had known my true feelings, they may have felt I wasn't right for the series." — Sarah Jessica Parker, who admits that she is shocked by Carrie Bradshaw's "racy" antics. [The Sun]
• "I just wrote an illustrated children's book. It's going to be launching in about a year, but I just finished the text." — Tori Spelling. [In Touch]
• "I was going to start a rumor that I'm sleeping with Jon Gosselin, but even I'm not willing to go there with his free Ed Hardy hoodie and his tiger pants. Clearly, Jon and Kate have gotten everything free, including their house, I think. They kicked my [butt] in the getting-free-[stuff] department." — Kathy Griffin. [Austin 360]
• "I needed that time away [from acting] to get re-energized. So when Nia [Vardalos] called and said, 'I wrote this script and I want you to read it,' I said, 'What is it?' She said, 'It's a romantic comedy.' I said, 'Send it over!' I was droolin.'" — John Corbett. [LA Times]
• "We're not thrilled with how [President Obama] is dealing with the issue [of gay rights] right now, but my guess is that polling is telling him that the American people by and large are more concerned about the economy. He probably doesn't want to take on a hot social issue like this, but I think the memorandum he signed is a baby step. Legalizing gay marriage is inevitable." — Kathy Griffin. [Austin 260]

• Christian Bale looks dirty and hot on the cover of the new EW! Inside, he talks about that infamous rant that was so popular it got turned into a dance remix:

''I don't care to go into details because, you know what, I don't believe in making excuses,'' he says. ''It doesn't matter. It was unacceptable. I went too far. And I learned from it.'' He continues: "I was surprised at myself hearing it back. These things happen, and you don't realize how long you're going in the heat of the moment. I would just say: inexcusable, my fault, yes, I did it, no excuses." As for apologizing on the radio, he did so because: "I was being told how it had gone like wildfire, and I was worried that it could completely overwhelm the movie itself. There's so much hard work that's gone into this. We had 77 days of smooth running and four minutes of me just going way too far - and that shouldn't characterize the making of the movie. My concern was that people would unfairly judge the movie based on my bad behavior." More at the link! [EW]

• Uh-oh: Gerard Butler has been charged with misdemeanor battery after a "run-in" with a paparazzo on October 7. He's not required to appear in court. [USA Today]
• Natalie Portman is still seeing Sean Penn, and just bought a gothic mansion in L.A. What does it mean? [Page Six]
• The uncle and grandmother of the little girl Madonna was trying to adopt are seeking legal action against the man who claims he is the child's father. [Mirror]
• Terry Gilliam is hoping Heath Ledger will will a second posthumous Oscar for his film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. [NY Mag]
• Christian Bale says his daughter will not be an actress: "Amateur is absolutely fine, but no way professionally. I've seen the way that unfortunately some kids are unhappy in those situations. There's no way I'd put my daughter through that." [Daily Mail]
• Ben Stiller, his wife Christine Taylor and Ricky Gervais toured the White House yesterday. President Obama was in New Mexico. [Reuters]
• Oprah now has 1 million followers on Twitter. Are you one of them? [Business Insider]
• It seems that Britney's dad punched Sam Lutfi in the chest at some point last year, but he was "provoked" and trying to "protect" Brit. [TMZ]
• Of course TMZ has screen shots from the surveillance video of the attempted break-in at Lindsay Lohan's house. If you want to see a Dodge Magnum station wagon and two guys doing something shady, go ahead and click. [TMZ]
• "Lindsay Lohan finally lands another acting gig - but can she behave on set?" [NY Daily News]
• Will Pink and Carey Hart have another wedding, even though they never really got divorced? "I love a party," Pink tells Ellen. [People]
• Magician Criss Angel is an alleged cat thief. [Page Six]
• Kelly Osbourne has written a book! "It's more of a self-help book for young women, the 13 major things that will happen to you before you turn 21 and what I did - most of them not right - and my advice and what I would have done differently." [Mirror]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Ashlee Simpson is pregnant with her second child. [PopCrunch]
• Guess who is getting a role in a West End musical, thanks to Andrew Lloyd Webber? Ms. Susan Boyle. [Telegraph]
• Why did Shanna Moakler resign from the Miss California USA Organization? "The turning point for me, I guess, was when I was watching the Today show and [Carrie Prejean] was sitting there continuing to lie. And it's obvious to everybody that the lying is still going on. I just couldn't stand behind her." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Coming in 2011? Bridget Jones The Musical. [Daily Mail]
• Jane Krakowski wants Barack Obama to be on 30 Rock: "We've had Steve Martin. We've had Oprah. We've had Jerry Seinfeld. We've had all these great musical greats. Let's just go for the big guns now." [E!]
• Speaking of 30 Rock, Judah Friedlander and Alec Baldwin are both working on interesting side projects. [NY Times]
• Last week's "Motherlover" video Andy Samberg made with Justin Timberlake wasn't finished until 3 a.m. Saturday — hours before it would air. Samberg hopes to make a video with host Will Ferrell this week! [USA Today]
• What's this? More Scrubs? With Zach Braff and Sarah Chalke signing on? [E!]
• Ew: "Desperate Jordan has sent hubby Peter Andre a string of begging text messages pleading: 'If you let me come back I'll be like a wild animal in bed again.'" [The Sun]
• Eighteen years after winning an Oscar in Silence Of The Lambs, Sir Anthony Hopkins will play Hannibal Lecter again. Will Cate Blanchett play the FBI agent? [Daily Express]
• The Jonas Brothers have postponed shows in Mexico because of the swine flu. [Reuters]
• This article has interesting details about Steven Soderbergh's new film, The Girlfriend Experience; some scenes were improvised: "For instance, a scene where Mr. Santos's character interviews for a job at a gym was done in a single take. Mr. Soderbergh says he simply set up two cameras and instructed Mr. Santos and the gym's actual manager to do a mock interview. 'I just said, 'try and get a job from this guy. See if you can convince him to give you a job.' The exchange lasted about eight minutes, and was edited down to a one minute scene in the final version of the film. 'My experience has been, the more takes you do, the worse it gets,' says Mr. Soderbergh." [WSJ]
• California health regulators have fined the hospital where employees snooped in the medical records of Nadya Suleman, to the tune of $250,000. [LA Times]
• Erin Lucas, who is Whitney Port's BFF on The City, is talking shit about Kristin Cavallari, new star of The Hills. Lauren is such a genuine girl. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and she was real with the whole thing. I don't think Kristin is on that level. Wasn't Kristin like all gung-ho about being an actress? I mean, I read interviews last week, for that matter, where she's quoted making fun of the show and trashing it and saying she would never be a part of it. So to go from trashing a show, to go on and replace the girl you fucked over in high school…I don't see it going anywhere pretty." And who are you again? [E!]
• Lyrics from Peaches (not Geldof — electro Peaches!): "I drink a whiskey neat/You lick my crow's feet/Coming up to see me like I was Mae West/less like Tina/but I'm simply the best/Call me Robyn Cradel/baby baby be my guest." In this interview, she says: "I'm going to make aging cool." [NY Daily News]
• Holly Madison will replace Kelly Monaco in the "sultry" Las Vegas revue, Peepshow, which Mel B. also appears in. Although there are topless dancers in the show, neither Mel nor Holly will be barechested. [People]
• "Why George Harrison begged one young fan to stop throwing Jelly Babies at The Beatles." [Daily Mail]
• Farrah Fawcett loves Van Morrison, so the musician filmed his recent shows so he could give copies to Fawcett to watch while she's home in bed, fighting cancer. [E!]
• "Farrah's Story is as much about becoming aware of our own mortality as it is seeing a cultural icon fight the disease." [MSNBC]
• Even though they have been together for nearly 20 years, Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett never got married, but he says he would do it now: "She's still a little bit hesitant. I'm working though, I'm working." [Mirror]
• Ryan O'Neal says of Farrah: "I kind of wish that she would go to sleep, just go to sleep. It's not my right, but I just don't see how she could be happy." [NY Daily News]
• Candy Spelling has known Farrah Fawcett for over 30 years — Aaron Spelling produced Charlie's Angels — and Candy says of Farrah Fawcett's cancer: "When I first heard, I don't know if it was a year or two years ago when we first heard, and I contacted her. I hadn't talked to her in a while. She said, 'I'm going to be alright, Candy. Everything is going to be all right.'" [CNN]
• Anna Friel of Pushing Daisies will play Holly Golightly in a new stage adaptation of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which troubled young starlet was caught doing lines with her new bestie at a hot NYC club?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I probably haven't worn my heart on my sleeve like this since the second Cranberries album." — Dolores O'Riordan. [USA Today]
• "I wasn't intending to do a popular television series. I was intending to do film and theatre. I got waylaid a little. Since that's over, I've got back to doing what I originally intended to do." — Gillian Anderson, whom you may know as Dana Scully, but who is starring in A Doll's House on the stage in London. [Daily Express]
• "I really believe on a daily basis that there's a line of communication between me and my dogs which we haven't defined yet. I really talk to them. And I also talk to my guinea pig, Mr James, every single morning. I sit and watch him on that wheel every day, trying to answer the question that is: 'Do they do it for exercise? Or do they think they're going to reach a destination?' Because that's a terrible metaphor for all of us. Because that's all life is perhaps? Nobody is gonna tell you the truth like I do." — Dustin Hoffman. [Independent]
• "I think Dan Brown is a terribly bad writer, but he has cliffhangers after every chapter which makes you continue reading. It's like eating peanuts at a bar. You don't like them, but you keep on eating them anyway." — Stellan Skarsgard, who only took a park in Angels & Demons because the script was different from the book. [Newser via AP]
• "To me, 10 o'clock is like the new 11:30. I hear more and more people, even young people, say 'I can't stay up past 11. I car pool, I gotta get up at 6.'" — Jay Leno. [CNN]
• "He always had the most ridiculous fashion. When it came to hairstyles he would have blow-dried hair like the Bay City rollers, then an awful perm. When he was 14 he tried to grow a moustache." — Simon Cowell's brother Nicholas. [The Sun]
• "Her boyfriend Tony Romo is one of my favourite quarterbacks. So I felt kinda conflicted doing the Jessica thing. Jessica got fat. I mean, not really fat, but she certainly got fat for, well, Jessica Simpson. I've always wanted people to be able to look at each video and go 'oh remember what was going on at that moment.' You know what I mean? 'Oh, that's when Jessica Simpson got fat, oh OK.' And even if she gets thin again, that's fine. Just for that moment in time, she was fat." — Eminem. [Mirror]
• "People were telling me, 'Christian, you're too good for Terminator.' And I'm thinking, I'm too good? I'm not a snob. I really fucking enjoy watching a good action movie. Who do you think I am?!'' — Christian Bale. [EW]
• "Being a mom makes me feel whole and like I understand the meaning of life." — Rebecca Romijn, to In Style. [People]

• Gossipeuse Janet Charlton claims Jennifer Hudson is knocked up. JHud is currently on tour; her fiancé, "Punk" from I Love New York, is training to become a professional wrestler. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]

• Amy Winehouse's horribly burned leg is due to a scalding pasta water incident. They tried to make me cook fusilli… [The Sun]
• Rihanna went out clubbing in L.A. and danced and flirted with basketball star Baron Davis. Apparently the DJ said something like Chris Brown should get his ass kicked; the whole crowd cheered — Rihanna included. [Gatecrasher]
• Will Madonna bring Mercy home? Three judges on Malawi's Supreme Court of Appeal will decide on May 4. [The Sun]
• Michelle Rodriguez is a pretty awesome bridesmaid! She broke up a bachelorette party yelling that the stripper was "fat and had a small dick." Then when the dude wanted a lady from the bridal party to kneel for him, Michelle said: "That's bullshit. He should be kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette party." Next? "As the stripper began gyrating and pushing his crotch into the bride-to-be's face, Rodriguez yelled, 'This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me.' She left in a huff." [Page Six]
• Poor Ann Curry is being sent to both Iraq and Afghanistan war zones. Sarah Haskins was right; the Today show is trying to kill her. [AP]
• Lady GaGa has a new boyfriend and his name is Speedy. Of course. [In Touch]
• Jennifer Garner has been seeing a sex counselor, so she can learn to please her man. A source says: "Ben's great, but he can be very insecure. He likes Jen to play the devoted wife all the time." So Jen sees Dr. Holly Hein for tips of keeping the romance alive and dealing with Ben's "need for attention." "Jennifer doesn't want to lose him. She's in this for the long haul." [Star]
• Here's video of Jen Garner and Matthew McConaughey eating cupcakes while promoting Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past. Warning: It's incredibly dull. [E!]
• The mother and stepmother of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali had a "catfight" in the street yesterday. In Mumbai, India. And there are pictures in this UK paper. Seriously, what the hell is going on with this poor child? [The Sun]
• Now that singing sensation Susan Boyle is suddenly famous, she has purchased a new fence to surround her house and get some goddamn privacy. [The Sun]
• Susan Boyle's former singing teacher is worried the overnight sensation will damage her voice. [Telegraph]
• Simon Cowell on Susan Boyle: "It had been a long day in Scotland. We'd seen no talent at all. All I knew about her was a name on a sheet of paper. She came out and she looked a bit odd, and the dress looked odd. I gave her five seconds at most. But then she started singing, and within two seconds everything changed." [NY Times]
• Is Paula Abdul going to get up out of her judge's chair and perform on American Idol? She's been dropping hints! [LA Times]
• An "insider" says John "The Player" Mayer has been "recording in a studio and coming on to almost every woman in the vicinity." Plus! He "goes on and on… about how clingy and needy Jen is." Apparently The Player claims Jen Aniston was super emotionally dependent, which is maybe what an immature commitmentphobe might say, so who knows. [MSNBC]
• The US Army is on Twitter — clearly they have nothing better to do — and they want to knock Ashton Kutcher out of the top spot. We're still at war, right? [NY Daily News]
• There is "intense puppy-proofing" going on at the White House, thanks to Bo Obama. [NY Daily News]
• Girls, you know you better watch out: Lauryn Hill will headline the Stockholm Jazz Festival in July. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Debra Messing will be back at NBC with an untitled comedy; the plot? She'll play a laid-off CEO who "is as ill-prepared to be a full-time wife and mother as her husband is to provide for the family." Hilar! [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• A snapshot for the ages: M.I.A., Kanye West, Aziz Ansari and Zoe Kravitz. [The Life Files]
• David Blaine has worked his magic on French model Alizee Guinochet; they're engaged. [Page Six]
• How much would you pay to have lunch with Rosie O'Donnell and Star Jones? Proceeds go to charity… [Page Six]
• Oksana Pochepa, who still claims she is the mystery girl in Mel Gibson's life, keeps a sex diary "with ratings for all her men." This is a combo of slut-shaming and possible lies; kudos to the paper for keeping it classy! [The Sun]
• Perez Hilton went to Criss Angel's show in Las Vegas and Tweeted that it sucked; Criss Angel made and announcement from the stage, saying "We have the world's biggest douchebag asshole in the house!" Now Cirque production company has apologized to Perez but Criss Angel has not. And writing gossip about Perez makes the brain ache. [LVR, LA Times]
• Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg will star in The Fighter, the tale of Boston boxer "Irish" Mickey Ward and his half-brother Dicky Eklund. [Variety]
• Russell Crowe was on Letterman talking about trying to save Steve Irwin's wildlife reserve — and block a mining operation — in Australia. [News.com.au]
• A lawsuit has been filed against Stephenie Meyer by a former friend who claims Meyer stole her vampire idea. But don't worry, Twihards, it won't halt production of New Moon. Sparkly vampires and Native American werewolves for everyone. [MSNBC Scoop]
• We've heard this before, but here it is again: Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford may replace Zac Efron in the Footloose remake. Possibly because he has the same sideswept haircut? [Mirror]
• This report claims Jessica Biel is so good at pole dancing in her new flick Powder Blue, she's a "natural born stripper." [NY Daily News]
• Amber Tamblyn says that since her new show The Unusuals is shot on location in New York, in between shoots, cast members hit local stores and shop: "No one goes back to their trailers." [Yahoo News via AP]
• Uh-oh: The president of Oprah Winfrey's cable network — due to launch next year — resigned yesterday. [LA Times]
• Woody Allen refused to take park in an "I Love New York" ad campaign, maybe because NYC has so many American Apparels? [NY Daily News]
• With lyrics about suffering and chains, the new Depeche Mode album is "like one long infommercial for B&D." But: "all this would seem creepy, instead of sexy, if the music weren't so hot." [NY Daily News]
• The Cure closed the Coachella festival, but organizers had to pull the plug on the band after 2 1/2 hours: "By the third encore, singer-guitarist Robert Smith informed the remaining audience that he was told he could do only one song but played three anyway. The final number, "Boys Don't Cry," turned into a sing-along as the video screen went dark and the sound system began to power down." [Reuters]
• Blind item: "Which rehabbed actor is back on the sauce? He just can't keep his hands off the booze when he's in L.A.!" [Gatecrasher]
• "You get the financing together and I'll work on the script... I would say [Elaine would] just be getting out of prison." — Julia Louis-Dreyfus on doing a Seinfeld movie. [Daily Express]
• "I most admire Matt Damon and Michael J Fox. I just saw Rounders and it just reminds me. Matt Damon is someone who I want to be. I just want to make his smart choices." — Zac Efron. [Mirror]
• "We definitely don't receive a $100,000 to show up at nightclubs anymore. So that's one huge life-changing difference. It makes me miss the old days, back when Paris Hilton and these fools were cashing in like a gold rush every year." — Spencer Pratt, on how the economy is affecting his life. [LAist]
• "Go to an area where the unemployment rate is the best. Go into a field that you love, but at the same time, that has potential. So many people study the wrong things, they go into the wrong fields, and no matter what they do, it's always going to be a battle throughout life. So find a great area, even if it means that you have to move your family. Find a great area, and a business that works." — Donald Trump's advice for those fired or laid-off. [Time] 
 

• "I lead such a boring life, nobody pays attention... and if somebody does take a picture, it's like I'm eating a burrito, in my sweats, and my mouth is open. It's just — I'm kind of a disgusting, boring person so nobody really pays attention!" — Anna Faris. [Mirror]
• "I don't want to get bored, and I don't want the audience to get bored." — Simon Cowell, on whether next season is his last on American Idol. [NY Times]
• "I had to say it as if it was coming to me very easily. I had to research some of [the words] because the acting coach I worked with told me if I really understood what I was talking about, it would come through a little more true." — Lauren Conrad, on her role on Family Guy, which required her to recite "a lot of facts and a lot of big words." [WaPo]

• So many questions about John Travolta's late son: Could Jett have been saved? Was he autistic? Is Scientology to blame? [Mirror]

• Before he died, Jett Travolta had been taken off of his anti-seizure meds. [TMZ]
• A friend of John Travolta's says, "The desire to protect Jett informed everything John did," including flying his own plane. [Daily Mail]
• And! Looky here: More people are blaming Scientology for Jett's tragic death; saying the religion is responsible for the "willful non-treatment of mental health and neurological disorders." [Hollywood Interrupted]
• A message from John Travolta and Kelly Preston: "We would like to extend our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone who has sent their love and condolences. Jett was the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for and lit up the lives of everyone he encountered. We are heartbroken that our time with him was so brief." [TMZ, Perez Hilton, Daily Mail]
• John Travolta held his son's limp hand in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, begging, "Jett, come on, Jett, come on, come around!" [NY Post]
• Oprah has called her buddy John Travolta to offer her condolences. [ET]
• John Travolta's friend and Chief Counsel, Mike Ossi, says: "I will defer to doctors and medical experts, but I don't want anyone to think that John and Kelly did not utilize all available medical and non-medical experts in an attempt to protect the interest of his children." [ET]
• Holy crap: Katie Holmes has spent £10 MILLION since moving to New York six months ago. If she moves, the economy will collapse! [The Sun]
• Do we believe that Scientology helped Tom Cruise overcome dyslexia? [Yahoo News]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is on a detox diet which bans dairy, gluten, meat, shellfish, all processed food, fatty nuts, potatoes and other related vegetables, condiments, sugar, alcohol, caffeine or fizzy drinks. "Happy" new year! [Telegraph]
• For some reason this story is about Kate Moss pregnancy rumors, even though she is seen smoking and drinking beer and her "stomach bump" appears to be abdominal muscle. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears is supposedly dating choreographer Sandip Soparrkar, but his Bollywood actress girlfriend says: "I don’t understand why Britney would stoop so low as to claim someone else’s boyfriend for her own. Sandip and I are very happy together." Uh oh! [Mirror]
• On the subject of Spears: Remember when cops used a decoy for Jamie Lynn Spears at LAX? The woman in question, Adessa Eskridge, says she was plucked from JLS's flight and told, "you're going to help us." Not asked; told. She didn't know why they slapped sunglasses on her and marched her into a crowd of paparazzi until later; she's suing for $100,000. [ONTD]
• Of course Barbara Walters has landed the first TV interview with Patrick Swayze since the Dirty Dancer announced he can cancer last year: Nobody puts Baba Wawa in a corner! [Contact Music]
• Host Samantha Harris wants hot hottie Hugh Jackman to appear on Dancing With The Stars, which would be awesome but will never happen. He's an actual star, see. [People]
• Speaking of DWTS: Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are engaged. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson, who may or may not be dying, wants to leave his share of the Beatles catalogue to Paul McCartney in his will. McCartney was furious in 1985 when Jackson outbid him to win the rights to the Lennon-McCartney songbook; Jackson wants to make peace. Remember when Mac & Jack were old-tymey buddies? [Mirror]
• Criss Angel is still using his freak "magic" on Holly Madison: They were seen having dessert with Holly's parents in Las Vegas on New Year's Day. Apparently this is the first time Holly's had her mom and dad to meet a boyfriend; was there something embarrassing about Hef? Other than his age, wardrobe and other gfs? [E!]
• Soulja Boy's rep has confirmed that the rapper was indeed assaulted last week; six men came to his home and robbed him and his friends. No word on whether the 18-year-old attempted to "Superman that ho." [Perez Hilton]
• Celebs use Twitter! John Cleese likes Marmite! Britney Spears hearts Japan! Yawn. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes wants to be an actress: She's enrolled at the Professional Children's School, alma mater of Macaulay Culkin, Scarlett Johansson and Sarah Jessica Parker. Hopefully she's seen Swept Away and can just do the opposite of whatever that was. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Madonna, her brother conducted an interview from in his bed, in pyjamas and striped silk gown, reclining on two enormous Versace pillows. Of his book, Christopher Ciccone says: "She probably thinks of it as a desperate attempt for attention and money. And, ultimately, a betrayal. I think of it as a thesaurus - it's different ways of defining people and myself - and also as another piece of art." Plus: "I was born my mother's son, but I will die my sister's brother." [Guardian]
• Playwright and actor Sam Shepard was arrested on DUI charges in the town named Normal, Illinois over the weekend. [Breitbart]
• Is Amy Winehouse trying to get her groove back? She was seen kissing Caribbean singer Shayne Ross in St. Lucia right before Christmas. Once you go black… (And remember this?) [Mirror]
• Amy can walk on her hands, btw. [The Life Files]
• Are Prince William and Kate Middleton on the verge of getting engaged? They're staying in some "fairytale log cabin" where some think he's about to pop the question. [The Sun]
• Prince William and Prince Harry are setting up their own private office, which is "a significant step for the two young princes in establishing some independence from their father." [Telegraph]
• Ew: David Spade and Nicolette Sheridan might actually be a couple. [E!]
• Fergie, the Duchess of York, now rules a business empire; in addition to designing jewelry and writing, she's producing an animated film of her children's book. Being royal just isn't enough these days. [Daily Mail]
• Heather Mills is pissed that her former nanny is suing her, claiming "sexual discrimination, intimidation and constructive dismissal." Poor Heather has already spent $14.5 million of her $35.3 million settlement, how can she be expected to live on what's left? [UPI]
• By the by, Heather Mills feels "betrayed" by the lawsuit. [Daily Mail]
• Gary Oldman got married on New Year's Eve — and his fourth wife — Alexandra Edenborough — is gorgeous, dammit. [ONTD]
• Breaking! Is David Beckham out of shape? [LA Times]
• Posh had better get used to a long distance relationship: Victoria and the kids won't join Beckham in Milan when he starts this weekend. [Independent]
• Kudos to you, Kylie Minogue, and your hot Spanish "toyboy" and your French Alps vacation, where you were seen acting like a "loved-up teenager." [The Sun]
• Rihanna's got a huge glittering rock on "that" finger so the rumor is that she's engaged to Chris Brown. [The Sun]
• Jermaine Dupri has written an essay about Barack Obama for The Huffington Post, in which he wails: "Obama hasn't even been sworn in yet and he's being pushed and pulled in all the different directions everyone else thinks he's supposed to go. Everywhere I look people are trying to steer Obama one-way or the other… Who's next in line to bitch?" [Huffington Post]
• Mickey Rourke relates to his character in The Wrestler: "Once you've been somebody, really, you have a career and you're a nobody anymore, and you're getting older, you're living what's called a state of shame. I went through that in the movie business, you know? You are alone." [CBS News]
• Michelle Trachtenberg will return to Gossip Girl, but the commenters over on ONTD are all, "do not want." [ONTD]
• If you like shabby chic, check out the "rock retreat" of Pearl Lowe, Gavin Rossdale's ex and the mom of Daisy Lowe. [Daily Mail]
• If you're dying to know who makes the clothes Whitney Port wears on The City, she has listed the designers in nauseating detail. [Whitney Port]
• Dan Clark, formerly known as Nitro on American Gladiators, says steroids gave him man boobs, shriveled balls and a "dull throbbing pain" every time he had sex. Good times. [Page Six]
• Stars like T.I., Adam Levine, Chace Crawford and Maria Menounos partied in Miami over the weekend. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which politico adulterer finds many normal objects to be too sexually suggestive, and has to have them removed from his sight while he’s making speeches? Word is he gets too distracted to focus on his notes!" [Gatecrasher]
• Ex-Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day will be on the March cover of Playboy, even though she exposed plenty of her epidermis already, on Complex. [Gatecrasher]
• Ranae Shrider, the woman who called Verne "Mini Me" Troyer her boyfriend, is still telling her weird and creepy story to whomever will listen. Now she claims he ordered her around "like a slave" and she ran all his errands while he spent the day Googling his own name. She also says she wanted to be his girlfriend but didn't want to have sex with him. Tsk, tsk. [Mirror]
• Oh, but Verne "Mini Me" Troyer is the favorite to win the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. So there's that. [The Star]
• Speaking of Celebrity Big Brother, apparently Coolio used the N word and caused a stir. [The Sun]
• Yesterday People reported that Tara Reid had checked out of rehab; this was not true. [E!]
• Tara Reid is still in rehab but "doing well." [People]
• Jeremy Piven is dating a black chick. [Page Six]
• Actor/director Richard Attenborough, 85, is in stable condition after a head injury after a fall in his home last month; he was in a coma but has regained consciousness. [UPI]
• "I would steal Kate Winslet’s roles. All her roles. Don’t talk to me about it because she can do no wrong in my eyes. Not only is she the most amazing actress in the entire world, she’s nude in a lot of her films which shows she’s just fearless. Her choices are impeccable. She literally can do anything. If she can just give me two of her roles, I’d be happy." — Eva Mendes. [Daily Mail]
• "People are so enamored of the character that when they see in a script, 'detective,' they think, 'let's bring Belzer in.' They did that on The X-Files, on Arrested Development, on Sesame Street. It's been so much fun." — Richard Belzer on being Detective Munch. [UPI]
• "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog — and then they don't live as long as they should. You have to say goodbye way too soon. It's just so sad. It makes me so sad. But their love is unconditional and I love that." — Jennifer Aniston, possibly explaining why she's dating noted dog John Mayer. [The Sun]

• Pete Wentz, still on his anti-douchebag campaign, is done with online media: "I was letting the blogs get to me," Wentz says, "It's semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douche bag."[PageSix]

• Well, Pete, if you want people to stop calling you a douchebag, you should probably stop dropping quotes about your "favorites" like this: “Watching John Mayer doing Van Halen better than Van Halen in an amphitheater in Southern California. Shirts optional, solos mandatory.” Oh COME ON! John Mayer!?! Nobody does Van Halen better than Van Halen, circa 1984. This is why people don't like you, Pete![JustJared]

• Meanwhile, Wentz's wife, Ashlee Simpson, thinks that 2008 was the best year ever: "It was the greatest year of my life," she says. [People]

• Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy of Dancing With The Stars are engaged—six months after Smirnoff announced her split from A.C. Slater himself, Mario Lopez. [E!]

• Things must be pretty serious between Criss Angel and Holly Madison: Angel met Madison's parents at dinner recently. [E!]

• In movies that might be unintentionally hilarious news: Sylvester Stallone is preparing for "The Expendables," an action film co-starring Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Academy Award winner, Forest Whitaker. "The ragtag team of the title are a group of elite mercenary badasses - at one point described as 'totally prepared to die in a blaze of glory," Stallone says. [PageSix]

• 26-year-old actor Matt Smith has been tapped to play the 11th Doctor in the Doctor Who series. As for Smith's babyface appearance, producers of the show say, "There is something quite old about him, so he looks old and young at the same time, which is terribly important." Meh. [DailyMail]

• Playwright Sam Shepard has been arrested and charged with DUI. [HuffingtonPost]

• Lourdes Ciccone has apparently decided to chase her acting dreams by signing up for Manhattan's Professional Children's School, the drama school that Sarah Jessica Parker and Scarlett Johannson once attended. [DailyMail]

• Living in L.A. has made Courteney Cox even more aware of the aging process: "I've never seen so many beautiful people walking around," Cox says, "Then as I get older, I find myself going, 'Wow, I can't believe I'm not the youngest anymore! I can't believe the guy over there wouldn't be attracted to me.' But I'm married, it's a non-issue. Let me tell you, there's a lot of pressure. Which is why I always think women should be totally open with other woman about what they do to make themselves look better."[ShowbizSpy]

• Hugh Jackman has pulled out of Steven Soderbergh's Cleopatra film; Jackman was planning to star as Mark Antony. [DailyExpress]

• Kate Hudson says her Hollywood upbringing wasn't as glam as you'd think: "It’s funny, because everybody thinks I was spoiled and flew first class everywhere, but it’s not true. My parents had four children and they weren’t going to pay thousands of dollars for our air fares – can you imagine the cost? They wouldn’t do that. We didn’t care – we had each other to play with at the back of the plane, while my parents were travelling in luxury at the front." Oh really? My parents were also traveling in luxury at the front...of the station wagon that we took to Friendly's on Saturday nights. Celebrities! They're just like us! [DailyMail]

• Oprah Winfrey has been selected as this year's "Person of the Year" by PETA, for using her various media outlets to give "powerful voice to defend those without one." Maybe next year, Lindsay! [People]

• Tim Gunn is a friend of PETA, as well: the Project Runway judge has taped a narration for a graphic anti-fur video that is being sent to major designers in order to deter them from using rabbit fur. "Any designer in the fashion industry who does not want to watch the PETA video and see exactly what happens to animals and how they're treated and how the product that they use comes to the marketplace, I believe, is egregiously irresponsible," says Gunn. [PageSix]

• Criss Angel says he doesn't want anything for Christmas, except for his girlfriend, Holly Madison: "I'm hoping Holly will just put a bow in her head and that will be my present," Angel says. Madison has similar wishes: ""I just want you," Madison told Angel, "I'm in love and I'm so happy."Anyone who ever saw one episode of The Girls Next Door can see exactly where this relationship is going. [People]

• Jessica Alba and Cash Warren, who are already married, held a private commitment ceremony in front of friends, family, and daughter Honor this weekend, in order to "celebrate their love and commitment to each other."[US Magazine]

• Rhianna will be performing at the Recording Industry Association of America's Presidential Inauguration Charity Ball on Inauguration night. Her performance will benefit Feeding America, a hunger-relief organization, whose president, Vicki Escarra, claims, "We could not be happier that Rihanna will be performing at the Inauguration charity ball to benefit Feeding America." [People]

• High School Musical star Zac Efron spent time handing out 10,000 worth of free toys to critically ill children on Friday. ""Some of the kids couldn't even speak, but they had the widest grins and would sit as close to him as possible," a source says, "Zac was super gracious and could not have been more kind and truly happy to be there."[US Magazine]

• Is David Beckham signing up for an Italian version of Big Brother?[DailyMail]

• Jim Gaffigan and Kristen Wiig will both guest star be "present" on Flight of the Conchords this season. [RedEyeChicago]

• Kelly Clarkson will be back with a new album sometime this spring. What's she been up to, since she's been gone? Find out at her new video blog. [Just Jared]

• Jim Carrey's Yes Man beat out Will Smith's Seven Pounds to claim the top of the box office this weekend. [ONTD]

• Sad news: Olga Lepeshinskaya, a Russian dancer who was reportedly "Stalin's favorite ballerina," has died at the age of 92. [Reuters]

• Academy Award winning actor Richard Attenborough is "seriously ill" after hitting his head during a fall at his home. "He had a fall and banged his head," Attenborough's niece says, "He’s not 30 any more. He’s 85 and falls hurt, you know. He’s doing well. We don’t know when he will be released or whether he will be home in time for Christmas but we all hope so." Get well soon! [DailyMail]

• Charges won't be filed against Everybody Loves Raymond star Brad Garrett, who was caught on tape shoving a paparazzi. An evaluation found that the paparazzi used “hostile and derogatory language” in an attempt to provoke Garrett. [MSNBC]

• Ladies, Robert Pattinson isn't a real vampire. He doesn't want to bite you, so stop asking. ""I was with a whole bunch of teenage girls yesterday and they were saying 'Bite me please!" Pattinson says, "I'm still waiting for the snuggles. I just constantly get people saying 'Bite me, bite me, bite me' and I have to tell them 'Look I can't bite you because it will hurt." [ShowbizSpy]

• Kirsten Dunst has a obtained a restraining order against her stalker, who keeps showing up at her house. In the order, Kirsten states: "Mr. Smith's sudden, aggressive, and harassing efforts to contact me are extremely frightening. I fear not only for my own personal safety, but also for the safety and well being of my housemate and assistant." [ET]
• William Balfour, the prime suspect in the slayings of actress/singer Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother, and nephew, has been formally charged with murder. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt is high… On the delight that only comes from building homes in New Orleans. [People]
• After a night of partying at the Viper Room — newly owned by onetime Lindsay Lohan BF and Hard Rock Cafe scion Harry Morton — Brandon Davis backed his car into a BMW in the parking lot… and it belonged to Pink! The crash was caught on video. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Lindsay, she and Sam are not breaking up, she sez on her Facebook. [Queerty]

• After finding a tracking device on his car last week, Simon Cowell's lawyers are warning the media that "enough is enough." They're asking that photographers and journalists not pursue Cowell, place him under surveillance or photograph him in private places. Good luck with that! [Guardian]
• Simon says when Britney came on X Factor, "Of all the artists I have ever had on any of these shows, there was more buzz, more excitement for this girl [than anyone else]." Oh, and: "To be fair, and this may be a bit egotistical, I think she was in awe of me. She was just staring at me. I said, 'Touch me, I'm human,' and I think that broke the ice." [People]
• Ivana Trump and her husband, Italian "entrepreneur" Rossano Rubicondi, are separated. Actually, they've been separated for three months (after marrying in April), but Ivana didn't want to ruin Rubicondi's chances as a contestant on Italian TV's Survivor. The couple, who dated for six years, will split geographically; Ivana says, "Rossano wants to live in Miami and work in Milan. But, I am a New Yorker and my family, friends and businesses are here. As the beautiful song says, 'Que sera sera!"" [Yahoo News]
• Also separating: CSI star Marg Helgenberger and her husband, Alan Rosenberg. Everyone wants to get it over with before the holidays! [People]
• Zach Braff is so totally done with Scrubs: "There's so much I want to do with my life," he says. "[It was] the most amazing experience of my life, but when you work on a television series, they own you. They wouldn't let me take flying lessons." Want some cheese to go with that whine? [The Sun]
• Wondering how the Boy George trial is going? The pop star admits that he handcuffed and threatened a male escort, but claims he was never going to kill the dude. [Reuters]
• Michael Phelps is dating pretty much whomever he wants. [TMZ]
• Criss Angel's Vegas show, Criss Angel Believe, is getting shitty reviews and cab drivers say quite a few people simply walk out. [LA Times]
• Mario Lopez and his dimples will be hosting the Miss America pageant on January 24. [Yahoo News]
• Dear Joaquin Phoenix, you can quit acting all you want, it doesn't change the fact that you're a lousy rapper. [TMZ]

[Los Angeles, November 20. Image via x17]

Las Vegas, October 31. Image via Filmmagic.

• Fran Drescher is speaking out in order to encourage her fellow California residents to vote no on Proposition 8, stating: "This proposition is not about gay marriage; it's about hate, discrimination and intolerance of diversity. It is wholesale, unadulterated hate-mongering and it MUST be snuffed out in a dramatic fashion at once to illustrate to those behind it that in America we embrace the neighbor who might be different from us and are proud of it!" [HuffingtonPost]

• Bangarang, Rufio: Agent Provacateur has just released their new ad campaign, featuring model Helena Christiansen as a sexed-up "Pirate Queen." [Telegraph]

• Shanna Moakler tells People that her ex-husband, Travis Barker, "had a feeling that something was about to happen," before he boarded the plane that crashed, killing six of his fellow passengers and leaving Barker with third-degree burns on the lower half of his body. [People]

• Uh-oh! Apparently the photos Brad Pitt took of Angelina Jolie breast feeding for W Magazine have "upset Brad's parents." [Star]

• Simon Cowell and his girlfriend of six years, Terri Seymour, have officially split. Seymour apparently dumped Cowell by phone, which is almost as harsh as Simon Cowell has been to 8 million Idol wannabes over the past 5 years. [People]

• Criss Angel has nothing but love for Hugh Hefner's ex, Holly Madison. Angel had high praise for the Girl Next Door, who accompanied the wacky magician to the opening of his new Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas last Friday. "This is one of the most special evenings for me in my life," Angel said, "and I can not think of a more beautiful person, a more special person, inside and out, than Holly to spend it with." [People]

• Another day, another endorsement: this time, Tyra Banks has declared her support for Barack Obama. So congratulations, Senator! You're still in the running to becoming America's Next Top Elected Official! [E Online]

• Sad news: Pulitzer-prize winning author Studs Terkel has died at the age of 96. [NY Times]

• More sad news: John Daly, the Academy Award-winning producer of "Platoon," has died at the age of 71. [NYTimes]

• Ricky Gervais is apparently a big fan of symphonies, claiming that "nothing quite moves me like classical music." Not even "Freelove Freeway?"[Mirror]

• One Day At A Time star Mackenzie Phillips, who has struggled with drug addiction in the past, pled guilty to cocaine possession on Friday and has been ordered to attend a drug rehab program. [Reuters]

• The new James Bond film, Quantum of Solace, has broken the one-day British box office record with opening day sales reaching approximately eight million dollars. The previous record holder? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. [Reuters]

• Jessica Simpson had to take her best friend and hair stylist Ken Paves to the hospital yesterday after a member of the paparazzi accidentally hit Paves in the eye with a camera. [TMZ]

• Cher's doctors are urging her to take a break from performing until at least January, due to "asthma-related bronchitis." [Daily Express]

• Jada Pinkett Smith has swapped gym workouts for yoga. "Right now I just do yoga maybe three times a week," Pinkett says, "As I've gotten older the gym's just not good on my joints anymore. I do a lot of activities outside. I do a lot of hiking, I love to run a little bit, I'm surfing now... I've got to keep up with my kids." [Daily Express]

• Are Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty over? "Friends" are reporting that Getty's refusal to divorce his wife of 8 years may have something to do with it. You think? [Daily Mail]

• Remember how sources said Ashlee was knocked up and then Pete Wentz said she wasn't ? Now sources say Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and will get married next month at a private residence in Southern California. [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson is reportedly jealous of little sis Ashlee, since she's always wanted a baby and even joked she'd resort to making her hairstylist Ken Paves the daddy. Oy. [MSNBC]
  
• Cameron Diaz's father died suddenly yesterday; the cause was pneumonia. [TMZ]
  
• Um, prepare yourself: Rob Lowe's nanny says he repeatedly exposed his "flaccid penis" and his "erect penis" to her, repeatedly asked her "to touch his penis," repeatedly masturbated in front of her, showed her pornographic images on his computer, asked her to give him a massage and tell him dirty stories. Shudder. [TMZ]
  
• So yeah, the nanny is countersuing Lowe for sexual harassment. She is seeking $50,000 in general damages as well as punitive damages and unpaid wages. [Reuters]

• Lily Allen was taken off the judging panel of the Orange Prize — awarded to female writers who have authored books of fiction — because "life got in the way" and she missed a bunch of meetings. A week after joining the panel, she announced she was pregnant. Later she miscarried and split from her boyfriend. The girl's got no time to read. [Telegraph]
• Uh-oh! Amy Winehouse's record label is warning her that she can only release a new CD if she is clean and sober. Crap. Think she can do it? [The Sun]
• John Mayer and Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger: Doing the do? [Page Six]
• David Hasselhoff uses his assistant and an autographed photo of himself to try and pick up chicks. It doesn't work. [Gatecrasher]
• Some crew members feared for Heath Ledger's mental health while he was filming The Dark Knight: He reportedly refused to talk to anyone out of character and found it hard to "snap out" of the personality of The Joker, who he described as a "psychotic, mass-murdering clown." [News.com.au]
• Oh, dear. Pete Doherty is doing heroin while in jail. [The Sun]
• Michael Lohan says daughter Lindsay wants to do missionary work in India; Lindsay's rep says um, no. [Gatecrasher]
• Paris Hilton was paid £70,000 for 50 minutes of work: Showing up at a London nightclub. The world has gone mad. Mad, I tell you! [Mirror]
• Meanwhile, Paris's parents adore her boyfriend Benji Madden. Kathy Hilton says, "I have a funny feeling it's going to go all the way." Rick Hilton says, "We love him like family already." [People]
• Jennie Garth has "abruptly" left a CBS comedy pilot — does that mean she's headed to the 90210 spinoff instead? [Reuters]
• TMI blind item! "Which inexplicable media star (blame www.Gawker.com for that) likes to boast that she let a certain handsome men's magazine editor, who is also much in the gossip columns, get to third base during a dinner at Balthazar?" [Gatecrasher]
• Camilla Parker Bowles (now Duchess of Cornwall), Celine Dion and Madonna share an ancestor! They all descend from a French carpenter. See? Madonna was destined to have a Continental accent. [The Star]
• Deborah Gibson has a stalker who is originally from Spain but left his wife to follow Debbie around the country. Deb's filed a restraining order against the dude and is singing "No, no, no, no, only in your dreams! As real as it may seem — It's only in your dreams." [TMZ]
• Former MTV VJ LaLa Vazquez says she is supporting fiancé Carmelo Anthony in the wake of his DUI arrest. Yawn. [People]
• Despite her album not doing well in the US, Kylie Minogue is splurging on a £3 million mansion in the British countryside. Get it girl! [News.com.au]
• Actor Jason Beghe, an ex-Scientologist says, "Scientology is destructive and a rip-off. It's very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution. I think it stunts your evolution." Tom Cruise? Stunted? Never. [Page Six]
• Magician Criss Angel threw a hissy fit over the weekend when his girlfriend, Miss Nevada, didn't win Miss USA. He's also probably upset that no one cares. [Page Six]
• Foxy Brown is scheduled to be released from prison this week! The rapper has been behind bars for the last eight months due to probation violations. She's got a VH1 reality show already in the works, naturally. [UPI]
• Martha Stewart's beloved dog, a Chow named PawPaw, has died. [The.Life Files]
• "I'm just trudging along, you know. I wash every day, I've got my own teeth, and I don't dye my hair. I must be doing something right, as I've only canceled two shows in 30 years: once when the doctor said I would have a miscarriage, and once when he told me my eardrums would explode if I did the gig." Chrissie Hynde, 56. [Page Six]

Us
"My New Dating Rules!" Lauren Conrad's perky face beams from the cover. L.C. has had a ladyboner recently for artists and musicians because "they tend to be more sensitive." Her new rules for dating include reading The Game, googling prospective sweethearts, waiting for boys to call her, letting boys pay for dinner, and not hooking up with boys on the first date. Sounds like someone has been reading The Rules as well. Lauren also has a crush on Zac Efron because "his hair is always so pretty!" Meanwhile, Us devotes six pages to two separate Britney features, more notably an interview with Brit's former assistant, Kalie Machado. Kalie, who earned $4,000 for her 3 months in Spears' employ, mostly goes over old territory about Brit's sobbing jags and crappy mothering, but adds, "I never saw her take prescription medication — but she needed it. She needs mental help." In addition: Angelina and Jen battle it out on separate covers of W Magazine (Jen is "shocked and disappointed" that W decided to run the cover, which has a fake signature from Jen courtesy of artist Richard Prince); Jerry Seinfeld dabbled in Scientology 30 years ago ("I learned some things about communication that really got my act going."); Cate Blanchett might be sporting a baby bump; A feature about celebs mating with men who look like their fathers (J.Lo's dad looks creepily like Marc Anthony); Lilo drops out of her New Year's Eve hosting duties at Pure in Las Vegas — maybe she'll really stay sober this time around!
Grade: B+ (Ryan Gosling's hotness level in The Notebook)

In Touch
"A Wedding to Keep Brad," announces the cover, which In Style calls an "Exclusive," but mostly includes old Pitt quotes from British Cosmo. A "confidant" tells the mag that Brad wants to get hitched because "Deep down, Brad is haunted that, if they split, Angie would automatically get to keep the kids." Also inside: another week, another Britney article, but this one has a quote from Hyde-goer and L.A. musician Scott Kohler who says, "I watched Britney let a guy do a line of coke off her chest." It's no purple drank, but it's still a pretty scandalous. In Touch also wonders whether Dannielynn might have mental issues because of Anna Nicole's drug use while pregs (though baby daddy Larry Birkhead insists, "She is just fine and advanced in her developmental milestones."); Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson are hanging out and possibly banging ("They cracked each other up."); Lindsay is talking about moving in with new beau Riley Giles (though 79% of readers think she's "moving too fast"); crazed Mariah Carey fans get "M" tattoos in honor of Mimi and knocked up Halle Berry is now officially a D-cup. Finally, Mary-Kate Olsen may have found Jesus (or conversely, is Jesus). She was overheard outside the Beatrice Inn shouting, "Christ saves all! I save all! Consider yourself saved!" It sounds like she found Jesus at the bottom of a bottle of tequila.
Grade: D+ (Ryan Gosling in Lars and the Real Girl)

Star
The cover blares Katie and Tom "Torn Apart!" Allegedly Katie is threatened by Tom's closeness with a number of "women" on the German set of his WWII drama Valkyrie. Katie "fears that her superstar husband could be keeping secrets from her." We could have told her that two years ago! Another juicy Lindsay Lohan rumor: sources say LiLo feared that she was pregnant by new boyf Riley Giles because she had packed on the pounds in rehab. Giles proposed in light of the alleged fetus, but Lindsay turned him down. Linds got her period a few days later and the marriage talk ceased. In other LiLo news, she was a bad influence on the other kids in rehab and "mixed whippits and the cold medicine Coricidin" to get high when she was at Promises during her first rehab stint. Leo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli are purportedly dunzo. Bar got the boot because she was pressuring Leo to marry her and she's apparently seeking solace in the arms of Cameron Diaz ex Kelly Slater. More on Brangelina — Brad's mom called Ange "trailer trash" for repeatedly discussing her drug use in interviews. In closing, K-fed has gained 25 pounds since becoming a "full time daddy" and is now being called "K-fat."
Grade: C- (Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson)

Life & Style
The cover wonders whether Brit-brit has a bun in the oven, saying "Friends Fear that Britney is Pregnant Again!" The fertile chanteuse has been missing her Depo-Provera shots and misplacing birth control pills in the meantime. She's allegedly been getting it on without a rubber with producer J.R. Rotem, "illusionist" Criss Angel and bff Sam Lufti. In additional Jen vs. Angie news, Jen is gaining weight while Angelina steadily loses it. Possible fauxmance Gyllenspoon was spotted at Kate Hudson's star-studded Halloween party and Pink was scoped making kissyface with another lady.
Grade: D (Ryan Gosling in the Mickey Mouse Club)

OK!
The British rag claims Tom & Katie are "Making it Work!" and gives their "10 rules for a strong marriage," which include breakfast in bed and lots of red roses (original!). Friends expect Kate to be up the stick again within the year. Also inside: an interview with Heidi's ex-coworker Elodie Otto from the Hills ("Spencer is nuts...I think those two [Speidi] are infatuated with each other and themselves; Janet Jackson gives advice on how to "conquer yo-yo dieting" (eat egg whites greens and salmon! Which is what every star diet says!); Kelly Slater gets around — in addition to Bar and Cameron, he's also been seen with other DiCaprio ex Gisele Bundchen.
Grade: D- (No Ryan Gosling at all)

[Las Vegas, September 9. Image via Getty]

• Jude Law was arrested for allegedly assaulting a photographer outside his home in West London. [The Sun]
  
• Is Chelsy Davy moving to London to be near boyfriend Prince Harry? Also, y so many ys? [The Sun]
  
• Britney's bodyguard has been formally charged with battery after last month's scuffle with paparazzi in Las Vegas. [Extra]
  
• Halle Berry, 41, confirms she is 3 months pregnant by her boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, 32. Anyone want to volunteer to babysit? [People]
  
• Did Tommy Lee have sex on a banquette in the Hamptons? Maybe it would be news if he didn't.[Page Six]
  
• "We would drive around and listen to [David Bowie's album] Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars while enjoying a little marijuana." So says the guy who dated Madonna when she was 14 — just one of many stories uncovered by a biographer. [The Independent]
  
• Was Nicole Kidman secretly engaged to Lenny Kravitz at one point? [Page Six]

• Jamie Foxx, elevator diva! [Page Six]
• Zach Braff is now subjecting actress Shiri Appleby to his "charms." Bonus: she's Jewish! [Page Six]
• Newsflash! Criss Angel, of Mindfreak fame, is just a "press whore" who is "using" Britney for publicity — he's not even helping her with her MTV VMA performance. [Page Six]
• Ellen Barkin teases paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Owen Wilson's family doesn't want Kate Hudson anywhere near him. Ouch. [Gatecrasher]
• Katie Couric called a New York restaurant to have food delivered to her daughters — she made the call from Iraq. [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger: "very cozy" ???? [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• Drew Barrymore and "Hi, I'm a Mac" actor Justin Long: lip-locking? What about Spike Jonze? [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Shaquille O'Neal has filed for divorce. He makes $20 million annually in his contract with the Heat and more in endorsements. He and his wife, Shaunie, are the parents of six children. [USA Today]
• Kate Moss has a new boyfriend, Jamie Hince from "uber-trendy" band The Kills. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse performed at the Mercury Music awards! She sang "Love Is A Losing Game." [Telegraph]
• Amy also told a newspaper why rehab doesn't work for her: "I'm of the school of thought where, if you can't sort something out for yourself, no one can help you." Yikes, okay. She also said, "Normal people spend time thinking, 'What am I going to do with my life?' I spend my time drinking." [Mirror]

• Paris Hilton and Entourage star Adrian Grenier are hanging out because he's making a documentary about the paparazzi — although they "looked pretty couple-y at her Malibu house party last Saturday." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
  
• The Obama Girl might vote for Hillary Clinton. Also, she'll be in the October issue of Playboy. Of course. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• At a tennis clinic in East Hampton, Vogue's Anna Wintour asked Roger Federer what he was going to wear to the U.S. Open. (Answer: blue and white for day matches, black for night.) [Rush & Molloy, 9th item]
  
• Sandra Bernhard thinks being famous today is without dignity. "You have to be like Paula Abdul and fall all over yourself and pretend you're strung out on something and behave like a freak," she says. "Paris Hilton and all these sorts of people can be famous now?" Crap, she's right. [The Sun]

• Foxy Brown is headed to NYC's Rikers Island. She'll stay in the Rose M. Singer Center, a women's jail, but we're sure it's still absolutely horrifying. Good luck, Foxy! [TMZ]
• When Warren Beatty's 8-year-old daughter asked what an orgasm is, he told her it's "a sexual sneeze." Man, it is too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Jeff Bridges wears an "complexly coiffed wig" to play a character based on Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter in the movie version of How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. Bridges will always be "The Dude" to us! [Page Six]
• Richard Gere doesn't need a butt double. Man, it is way too early to be thinking about this. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton paid $2 million to make a lawsuit filed by Zeta Graff, Paris Latsis' ex-girlfriend, go away. Isn't there a more fun way to settle an heiress vs. heiress lawsuit? Arm wrestling, maybe? [Page Six]
• Joanna Krupa, a model we've never heard of, says other models are too thin. Thanks for the news flash! [Page Six]
• Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a boy yesterday, as we predicted. Tom Brady, the father, was either there or not there. The Post doesn't know, or they don't want to piss off Gisele. [PageSix]
• Vivica Fox's 43rd birthday party was kind of a mess, with a missing Rolls-Royce, an uninvited guest with a pending attempted murder charge, and a bounced check for $2500. Happy Birthday! [Gatecrasher]
• Actress and Tommy Hilfiger model Joy Bryant is engaged to a man named Sade. No need to ask, he's a smooth operator. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which Oscar-winning actor was recently spotted enjoying a summer cocktail with a male friend at the very gay Ramrod Club in Mykonos?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Pete Doherty news! The junkie rock star is accused of attacking a photographer. She claims she was "left with bruises and lost clumps of hair after she was assaulted by Doherty." Seriously? Honestly? How come Pete doesn't have a reality show? A fun romp with musical interludes, like The Monkees? [The Sun]
• Britney Spears: dissed by Swedish pop duo, who won't work with her because it could tarnish their image. [Daily Express]
• New MTV awards rumor: Justin Timberlake and Madonna, together. We'd actually rather see Britney Spears and Criss Angel Mindfreak, because that's the kind of crap you tell your grandkids about, but whatevs. [E!]

1. When you hug a woman at the end of a date, if you have any romantic intentions whatsoever, do not "bro-pat" her on the back. [Must have been Robby Ginepri - a total jock move]
2. If you are fortunate enough to have a girlfriend not wear underwear with her sexy black dress, do not announce it at the dinner party when there's a lull in conversation. [Definitely Brolin - he loves him some booze]
3. My mother always told me that if a guy mentions his ex three times or more on a first date, he should automatically be given the "I really like you, but..." treatment. I love my mother, but she's wrong: You get one freebie mention. [Taylor Hawkins - rock stars are notorious braggarts]
4. Here's an extra tip: Use that freebie to say something nice about her and you're much more likely to get in our knickers. [Uh, Matt Damon? He seems nice?]
5. If you think your waitress is hot, don't tell your date. She may well confide in the waitress in the bathroom, indicate what an insensitive schmuck you are, and the waitress, who will always choose female solidarity over your powerful skills of observation, will probably spit on your prime rib. [John Cusack, who despite his on-screen rep, is rumored to be a total pig]
6. If we look perfectly bronzed in February, it's fake, and it's going to come off on your sheets. Be prepared to make the call: sex or your Egyptian cotton. [A guy who loves bedding? Must be Damon]
7. Admitting that you're into us becomes infinitely less endearing when you follow it with the phrase "Which is weird, because you're not really my type." [Criss Angel, because he seems like kind of a dork]
8. "No" does not mean "Yes, eventually," and if we say "Maybe," we really mean "No." [Brolin... it was the booze again]
9. "I don't know" means just what it sounds like: "I don't. No." [Cusack]
10. We did not burn our bras in the sixties so you could get a better look at our boobs. [Duh! Ginepri!]
Top 10 Things You Don't Know About Women [Esquire]

• Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend had better be a really good lay, cause the kid has an infidelity prob that isn't, it turns out, restricted to his behavior around the irresistible Helen of Troy reincarnation that is Sara Kova. [Rush & Molloy)
• We like that Ike Turner, who just spent the night in jail over an eighteen-year-old warrant that wasn't even valid, is all: "Hey, no one's perfect, I'm not mad about it." But seriously, this is the most depressing case of cops harassing a black male even though he's famous since, uh, last month when ?uestlove got interrogated by the DEA. [TMZ]
• Nicole and Joel Madden broken up? But just last week the tabs were talking marriage! However could two mature adults change their minds so very very rapidly? [PerezHilton]
• Marilyn Manson on the end of his marriage: "Dita didn't understand the amount of pain I went through." Hmm, maybe she would have picked up on it if you'd given her some subtle visual clues, like wearing black all the time or looking really pale and gaunt? [Page Six]

• Charles Barkley: Who died and gave Al Sharpton the right to speak on behalf of all nappy headed hos? [Page Six]
• Of all the starlets who've slipped and fallen on their nine-inch heels, why did The Office's Jenna Fischer have to be the one to actually break multiple bones? Why not that ditz from The Hills? Why not Scarlett Fucking Johansson? [Page Six]