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crimes against womanity

Missdemeanors

"[Alli Sims] Is So Fuckin' Doughy You Wouldn't Be Surprised If You Walked In On Britney Trying To Eat Her Leg"

Welcome back to our weekly examination of the Crimes Against Womanity committed by gossip bloggers and the virtual wristslaps we issue out to our grammatically and creatively-challenged web friends. In this edition, we give Alli Sims (Britney's former assistant and aspiring pop-star), Brooke Hogan, Jennifer Garner, Britney Spears, and Rock of Love 2's Daisy de la Hoya. More »

missdemeanors

"Hot Young Models Are Lining Up For One Night In That Dusty Old Snatch"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors! This is where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Some readers ask why we do this, since, quite often, the same damn blogs are always listed. Well, we received an email from DailyBlogTips.com, naming the Top 25 Celebrity Blogs. These are some of the most profitable blogs on the internet. On the list: Perez Hilton, TMZ, The Superficial, WWTDD, Egotastic and Dlisted. We have no problem with them making money; we have a problem with them making money off of sexist and misogynist writing. As long as they write effed up posts, we'll call them on it. This week, Kim Cattrall is a "weathered old hag," Brooke Hogan is "fugly," and Lindsay Lohan "will hurt herself scrambling to get to your penis." It's been another great week of "writing" "gossip" on the Internet. Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »

missdemeanors

"I'm Surprised A Whale Didn't Bite Her Ankle & Pull Her Into The Ocean To Be Its Mate"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, rape jokes are back! Also, Britney is a manatee and a whale; Linda Hogan is a stripper; even Adam Sandler's 2-year-old daughter gets insulted. [W.T.F. -Ed.] Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »

missdemeanors

"She Looks Like Pocahontas, So If You're Thinking About Raping Her, You Can Say It Was Just For A History Project"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, "boys want" Christina Aguilera's boobs, someone would like to slice Lily Allen's belly and someone else offers rape tips. Another great week of "writing" "gossip" on the Internet! Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »

missdemeanors

"Her Baby Will Never See Its First Birthday Because It's Living In A Pair Of Bloody Panties"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, women get mocked for being too fat, for having cellulite, for being too fit and therefore not sexy, and, of course, for having a miscarriage. Plus! Excerpts from an interview with the man behind Drunken Stepfather. Bloggers continue to degrade female celebrity bodies, so we continue to punish them, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »

crimes against womanity

Cheerleaders May Face Life In Jail For Beating Fellow Teen

The ultra violent cheerleaders from Florida who attacked a fellow pep squad member with the intention of posting a video on YouTube have bigger fish to fry than missing trips to the beach. According to CNN, the six girls involved in the beatings and the two boys who acted as lookouts will be tried as adults. All eight suspects are facing charges of kidnapping and battery, while three of the eight are facing charges of tampering with a witness. Frank Green, executive director of Keys to Safer Schools, tells CNN, "In one respect, girls have always been more vicious than boys. Their violence is of a personal nature... girls want to cause pain and make the other girl feel bad." More »

complicated conversations

Where The Hell Are The Strong Women?

In The Independent today, Johann Hari writes, "Where have all the strong women gone?" Hari gets all nostalgic for Bette Davis: "She was not only a woman; she was an electrical storm with skin. She never pretended to be dumb, or a little girl. She didn't do soft, or simpering. She had a voice like sour cream, and eyes like a raven." But, Hari argues, women on film — and on TV — have weakened. "If the symbol of 1930s Hollywood was Bette Davis in Jezebel, defiantly wearing red to her virgin-white ball, today it is Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary, rubbing semen into her hair because she is too dumb to realize it's not hair gel." More »

missdemeanors

Liv Tyler Is A "Pale Fattie" With A "Hilariously Small Head"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Pregnant still=fat. WTF people?? Also, Celine Dion must be an animal, since she has body hair; Jamie Lynn Spears must be a Star Wars villain, since she is pregnant; and Liv Tyler is a "pale fattie." All this and so much more, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

missdemeanors

Kim Kardashian Is A "Fat Bitch" Who "Thinks It's OK To Wear A Bikini"

It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. What is wrong with these gossip bloggers, anyway? Were they all abused as children? Do they talk about their mothers and sisters this way? How can they nonchalantly pick on women, and their bodies, day after day and still have souls? [Or readers? The majority of their pageviews come from young women! -Ed.] So many questions, not a lot of answers. And tomorrow is International Women's Day. Females have been fighting for justice and equality for decades; yet oppression and denigration still exists. This week in the blogs, pregnant still=fat. A person "wishes" an eating disorder on another person. And Lindsay Lohan's belly is under the microscope. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

No (F)air Force Four Marines have been court-martialed for their participation in the rape of a Japanese girl. These servicemen are not to be confused with Tyrone Hadnott, the Marine accused of sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl in Okinawa. These Marines are being punished for an entirely different rape that took place last year in Hiroshima. (They allegedly gang raped a 19-year-old in a car shortly after meeting her in an event hall.) Two of the four have military trials slated for April and May. The other two do not have scheduled dates yet. [Reuters]

Skirt The Issue In Johannesburg, South Africa, a woman on her way home from her job at a bar was wearing a short skirt when she was assaulted by drivers at a taxi stand. The cabbies stripped Nwabisa Ngcukana of her clothes, doused her with beer and paraded her naked. They were allegedly "teaching her a lesson" for wearing a skirt so short. Yesterday, hundreds of women marched to the taxi stand in protest... And they were all wearing mini-skirts. The demonstrators were calling on authorities to punish the perpetrators; only one driver seems to have been arrested so far. [UPI, Daily Dispatch]

winners & losers

Do The Oscars Really Need A "Best Actress" Category?

In today's Guardian, writer Sarah Churchwell rails against the "apartheid" categories of Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress at the Academy Awards. "We still segregate entertainment awards along gender lines," she muses. "Imagine the uproar if we had Oscars for best performance by a black man in a supporting role, or best leading performance by a Jew." Churchwell argues that our society thinks women are only good at looking pretty and making others look pretty; hence women tend to win the costume design and makeup awards, but rarely those for best picture or screenwriting. Since Oscars began in 1928, a woman has never won Best Director. But, Churchwell explains, "The problem is that awards which do not segregate on the basis of gender tend to overlook women altogether. There is no Nobel prize for women's literature: women go head to head with men. And they've won 10 times in 107 years." More »

missdemeanors

If Natalie Portman Is "Not Going To Make An Effort" By Getting Implants, She Should Just Stay Home

Oh, Missdemeanors. So very necessary, unfortunately. Because who else is going to issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity? This week: Model Laetita Casta just isn't thin enough, Lindsay Lohan is a "whore," Kirstie Alley is too fat to bend over in the shower and Natalie Portman is "flat" and needs implants. Effing hell. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

maghag

Us Editor Claims Women Want Covers That Exploit Female Celebs

As reported earlier, while the media squashed a druggy video of Heath Ledger "out of respect for the family," a clip of Amy Winehouse smoking crack was widely distributed. And according to the New York Times, when Owen Wilson was hospitalized in August, he appeared on the cover of Us Weekly once; Britney Spears went to the psychiatric ward and has been on the cover six times in the same amount of time. "Without a doubt, women get rougher treatment, less sensitive treatment, more outrageous treatment," says publicist Ken Sunshine, who reps celebs like Ben Affleck and Barbra Streisand. "It's absolutely harder for the women I represent." Janice Min, editor in chief of Us Weekly, says she covers women incessantly because her magazine is read by women. "Almost no female magazines will put a solo male on the cover," she claims. "You just don't. It's cover death." So it's cool to rip a woman's image to shreds as long as you sell issues? More »

missdemeanors

Alyssa Milano, Big Feet & Pubic Hair: That's What Little Boys Are Afraid Of

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was pretty slow, but there was some smack-talk about Britney's nethers, unwaxed pubic areas, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller and big feet. Plus! A nearly incomprehensible message about Alyssa Milano. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

clips

Badass, Self-Described Feminist Jane Fonda Drops The C-Word On Today

As many already know, actresses/activists Jane Fonda and Eve Ensler were welcomed onto the Today show this morning in honor of the 10th anniversary of Ensler's Vagina Monologues, the one-woman, pussy-positive show that has since become a staple of college campuses. And what a welcome they gave back! Ensler and Fonda, who sat down with Today host Meredith Vieira, discussed the epidemic of violence against women (Ensler calls it "femicide") both at home and abroad, most notably in the Congo, where the brutal torture and rape of women and young girls has become, for lack of a better term, de rigeur. But before she and Ensler got to the serious stuff, Fonda, 70, recounted just how she got involved with the Vagina Monologues and its related V-Day Foundation, dropping the word "cunt" in the process. Clip above.


Related: The V-Day Event Of The Decade [VDay]
Earlier: Why Is The Word Cunt Still Such A Big Deal?


crimes against womanity

Women In Prison Need Help, Not Hecklers

According to an article in today's Guardian, there are more than 4,400 female prisoners in England. (According to figures from two years ago, there were 112,000 women in prison in the U.S., and the number is rising.) Four out of five have mental health issues; half have been victims of abuse; one in three has a child under the age of five. Writes Angela Greatley, chief executive of Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health: "Very few women prisoners actually need to be in custody. Most need a package of support that spans several public services: from health and social care to housing and employment support. Very often it is the failure of those services to work well together that has led the women to prison in the first place." But some people think the idea of a jailed woman is awesome, thus the existence of Conjugal Harmnony. More »

missdemeanors

Stop The Presses: There's Little To Bitch About In Gossip-Blogs Today

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue a virtual spanking to the internet's most popular gossip bloggers for their Crimes Against Womanity. Guys, I have a confession. I just could not get offended this week. Maybe it's because I just got engaged [Mazel Tov! -Ed.]. Maybe it's because Obama killed it in Iowa and I am so excited that I just can't get worked up over gossip blogger bullshit. Or maybe it's because I'm feeling upset over Britney Spears and it's taking my focus away from Missdemeanors. But regardless, I do think our usual suspects have taken the meanness down a notch this week and have upped the funny to the point where I literally guffawed over a Todd post on "I Don't Like You In That Way". WTF? So in honor of my general warm fuzziness, I'm giving out pats on the back this week as opposed to clamping on the cuffs. With one exception. (Perez still sucks.) More »