MEGAN: Hey, how is Austin?
SPENCER: It's filled with liberals, positive reinforcement, beef products, Johnny Dash-themed dive bars, extremely cheap beer, and bloggers with pulverizing hangovers.
MEGAN: HuffPo has been Twittering it.
SPENCER: I have met a lot of FDL commenters, who rule; Brandon Friedman of VetVoice gave Wesley Clark a terrorist fist jab at the keynote; I was told to pipe down because I was telling off-color stories during Howard Dean's keynote.
MEGAN: I get told that a lot, too, but really? Howard Dean is that important to listen to?
SPENCER: yeah, Nico asked me if I'd be on the HuffPo twitter feed, but that would require unlocking my Twitter and inviting people I don't know to see it, and there's a lot of stuff that I really don't want to make public on there.
MEGAN: I know, because you never accepted even me as one of your Twitter friends. I'm trying not to be mad about it.
SPENCER: I didn't? I'll put you on. Anyway we should probably talk about the news and shit.
MEGAN: Yeah, probably. So, at an ad conference, someone asked Arianna to play Karl Rove and run plays against Obama. Arianna's not that creative, but hearing her say aloud what we all know is going on at RNC HQ is sort of freaky.

Barack Obama may be Muslim, we're not sure, but he is definitely a Muslim sympathizer. He is the candidate of Hamas. He wants to negotiate with terrorists. He does, basically, not really care for America.

Also, she said "Hawai'i barely counts" as growing up in America and Michelle is "angry and bitter."
SPENCER: The first piece of Obama literature I saw when I got here was a doorknob flyer that read COMMITTED CHRISTIAN.
MEGAN: Which is part of the current messaging that this committed agnostic (no, it's not an oxymoron) doesn't really love, but whatevs.
SPENCER: Arianna's probably right that the sotto voce campaign will move away from the statement "Obama is a Muslim" to "We can't be sure that Obama isn't a Muslim". At this point, it's a safer play to make that sort of epistemic claim — there's absolutely no way Obama could disprove it, it's not the sort of statement that admits of the facts, as they taught me in epistemology class.
MEGAN: Hasn't it already?
SPENCER: It has? My prediction has come true already? See, that's why I'm an A-list blogger.
MEGAN: Indeed! I mean, it's (not to bring up old wounds here) but totally where Clinton went, "I have no reason to doubt it" and "not that I know" and such.
SPENCER: Let's. Not. Talk. About. That.
SPENCER: There is sooooooo much relief-slash-jubilation that the primary is over here — at our FDL caucus yesterday, a review of the last year on the blog tread delicately on the subject of the Great Interfamilial Unpleasantness.
MEGAN: I'm glad at least some bitches are hugging it out after the whole Ricki Lieberman thing that left a bad taste in my mouth. So, moving on to something everyone can be pissed about, there's a new anti-Michelle ad.
SPENCER: YES LET'S. It actually ends with these women pledging allegiance, and what's up with that Reagan quote at the end? "Freedom is never more than a generation away from extinction?" is that like, a threat?
MEGAN: Yes, the Pledge of Allegiance, the vaguely martial music and the use of all women in the add is rather pointed. All in all, still shit but far better done than the North Carolina ad.
SPENCER: Did you see the NYT/CBS poll about Michelle Obama? Her negatives are stunning, or, rather, the racial discrepancy in views of Michelle is stunning

There was even racial dissension over Mr. Obama’s wife, Michelle: She was viewed favorably by 58 percent of black voters, compared with 24 percent of white voters.

MEGAN: Yeah, that would be what freaks me out a little more, that and the whole "where are the feminists that are so opposed to sexism in the media" doing right now?
SPENCER: What accounts for this, Megan?
MEGAN: Oh, God, where to start? I mean, mean girls, the legitimacy of female anger, fear of strong women, envy... Did I ever tell you I have actually met people that have never met a black person until they were an adult. And I'm not talking until they were 18 and went off to college, I'm talking as a legitimate adult. They still exist. They aren't few in number. I mean, I think we've seen this reflected in Crappy Hour comments before:

Nearly 60 percent of black respondents said race relations were generally bad, compared with 34 percent of whites. Four in 10 blacks say that there has been no progress in recent years in eliminating racial discrimination; fewer than 2 in 10 whites say the same thing. And about one-quarter of white respondents said they thought that too much had been made of racial barriers facing black people, while one-half of black respondents said not enough had been made of racial impediments faced by blacks.

I think this is also horrifying and telling:

Nearly 70 percent of blacks said they had encountered a specific instance of discrimination based on their race, compared with 62 percent in 2000; 26 percent of whites said they had been the victim of racial discrimination. (Over 50 percent of Hispanics said they had been the victim of racial discrimination.)

Seventy percent of blacks have encountered at least one incident of racial discrimination. And I'm one of the 26 percent, as once when I broke up a party as an RA in college, I was called a "racist Jewish bitch." And I still know that's nothing by comparison.
SPENCER: Can I tell a story here? I once had this girlfriend who grew up in a mostly-white area, and I took her to my mom's house in Flatbush for the first time. Flatbush is majority-black but rather internally diverse — lots of immigrants from West Africa, the Caribbean (Haiti esp) as well as African-American; and it also contains Russians and Jews. As we were driving down Foster Ave, my GF took a look at the people on the street and said, "So, does your mom's house have a blackyard?". True story
MEGAN: Whoa. Um, how long until you broke up with her?
SPENCER: You were called a Jew?
MEGAN: Yes. A racist Jew because as an RA, I was breaking up a loud frat party 4 doors down from my apartment during finals week and it happened to be the one African-American fraternity on campus. And, obviously, I was just doing it because I hated them and not because I had a 17 page paper to finish and a 25 page paper to finish by the next day and it was finals week and because they were heard by the head of housing. But, yes, Jewish.
SPENCER: So, seriously, where's the organized defense of Michelle Obama? She's an extremely accomplished woman and while she may not have been the professional powerhouse that HRC was by 1992, I don't understand why organized feminism doesn't evidently identify with her. that was badly expressed — I'm hungover — but you get what i'm saying i hope.
MEGAN: No, I think it was said pretty well, it's close to how I've said it. Where's Geraldine Ferraro decrying the attacks by the media on her working status? Where's Gloria Steinem's impassioned defense of righteous anger and women? Did we all just admit that sexism triumphed and go home? Is it only sexism if it's Hillary?
SPENCER: A couple months ago, my friend Ann Friedman of TAP and Feministing wrote a really prescient piece called "Solidarity Politics" about this sort of thing

Let's make this election about the issues, everyone says — and rightfully so. Our presidential nominee should be chosen primarily on the issues. But most of us don't separate issues from identity as cleanly as we'd like to believe. When it comes down to it, everyone is an "identity politics" voter. The problem is that phrase, as commonly used by right-wingers and some on the left who are tone-deaf on issues of race and gender, has the effect of cutting down the political choices and involvement of women, people of color, and gays and lesbians.

MEGAN: I have to say, please introduce me to Ann sometime and I promise not to fan girl out. I almost always really love her stuff — thoughtful, well-written, etc.
SPENCER: and Ann is right about this, but the character assassination of Michelle Obama demonstrates that the argument needs to be taken a step further — recognizing that cross-cutting identities within the context of identity politics is fucking up people's expectations too
MEGAN: I took the best class ever in college in Microsociology (mind-blowing topic) and one of the things that stuck with me was the professor's assertion that we are a collection of equally accurate but not equally relevant identities and roles.
SPENCER: You were saying in the car yesterday that there's a cohort within the feminist movement that's increasingly indistinguishable from an HRC machine and how bad that is for the movement as a whole — it was a really good point that you should tease out for the benefit of CH readers.
MEGAN: Like, because you're white, you'd never call me your white friend, or because we know a zillion bloggers, you'd never call me your blogger friend. I'd never introduce myself to your friends as Pam's sister or Butch's daughter or Greg's ex-girlfriend.
SPENCER: Or George Costanza's father's lawyer.
MEGAN: Yes, exactly. And so I feel like, for many people and sadly probably too many women, the identity that more people associate with Michelle Obama right now is that she's black. Not that she's a woman, or a lawyer, a wife, a mother or anything else. And that's why the Obama campaign is trying to play up the prominence of those roles.
SPENCER: It's depressing that a core mission of the Obama campaign is to teach white America that black people are, like, people.
MEGAN: Or like people, commas deliberately excluded.

SPENCER: It is 8:11 a.m. and the dude sitting near me at the BWI airport 50s-kitsch diner counter just ordered a 20 oz Miller Lite
MEGAN: Well, at least is isn't a 40? I am sitting in the hallway outside of security watching the tourists parade on by and watching the security people wonder what I'm doing. The security lady says it's coldest in the hallway between the A and B gates, a truth to which I can currently attest.
SPENCER: Interesting fact about the difference between A & B gates: for the purpose of eating or using the bathroom, you're better off using B, even if your flight is at A. No bathrooms at A, and the only stuff to eat is like Arby's and such.
MEGAN: Ooh, I remember that but please don't remind me how much I need to pee after all that coffee I drank to be awake enough to drive you up here. So, I feel like we should lead off with the story about how when Jesse Jackson suggested castrating Barack Obama, he also dropped the n-word, in reference to, well, pretty much every African-American person in America.
SPENCER: Also I bought an issue of Wired for the first time ever — I had a girlfriend who subscribed and my lack of interest in the magazine was a minor issue between us — because Julia Allison is on the cover and I still do not exactly know who she is, but she has extremely impressive cleavage.
MEGAN: Really? If you wanted a picture of impressive cleavage, you didn't have to pay for it.
SPENCER: Ah yes. You know who's upset that she doesn't get to use the N Word? Internment-camp apologist Michelle Malkin. Yes you have very impressive tits and I would never say otherwise.
MEGAN: I prefer that such knowledge be widespread, I will admit it. Also, how much does Michelle Malkin really suck, truly?
SPENCER: Hahahaha the waitress just brought me the Miller Lite by mistake
MEGAN: Dude, the man bought you a beer, it's only polite to accept.
SPENCER: I suppose with my Blackwater t-shirt and tattoos I look like the sort of air traveller who'd have a beer with his omelet
MEGAN: I can't believe that you're getting hit on by dudes this morning and I am not, I need to step up my game.
SPENCER: What is it with right-wingers and their desire to say the n-word? Like, what's in it for you?
MEGAN: Spencer, I mean, obviously, it's not faaaaaair that black people get to use the "n" word and get to be all offended about it when other people do. It's, like, practically anti-American. It's hating on our freedoms (to be racist, disgusting sonsofbitches).
SPENCER: Life is unfair to Michelle Malkin but I feel it is so for reasons independent of her inability to type the N-word.
MEGAN: I don't think like is unfair to MM. I think she is probably pretty damn content with her life. If we want to talk unfair lives, we'd talk about my life. Or yours.
SPENCER: So what are we supposed to believe follows from the apparent fact that Jesse Jackson used the N-word? The significance is...? My life is pretty great right now: I'm about to fly to Austin to attend and speak at a conference of the anti-American terrorist supporting left. i shaved my mustache down and grew out my beard so i could look like a Salafist.
MEGAN: Well, I think it's the hypocrisy of him being part of the campaign to get rappers and the like to stop using it.
I did notice your beard was longer, but I don't notice when the 'stache is shorter, I'll admit.
SPENCER: Oh that was Jackson? Should I blame him for the fact that Nas' record is called Untitled and not N Word? I feel like this is the sort of thing that only a non-black person could possibly find hypocritical
MEGAN: Yes, he was one of the anti-n-word campaign which, frankly, I'm not completely opposed to as I cringe when I hear someone say the word regardless of race, but it is the height of hypocrisy to moralize about it publicly and then use it privately. And/or to threaten to cut off the balls of the first black candidate for President when he suggests that some black men should take responsibility for their children when you've knocked up your mistress.
SPENCER: Like, I don't agree with this argument, but there's nothing a priori hypocritical about saying the n-word but not wanting prominent black figures to use it as the titles of their books or albums or movies or what-have-you. I don't think it's hypocritical! oftentimes I say things in unguarded moments that it's better not see print/publication/distribution. that's an issue of judgment, not hypocrisy. as Dave Chappelle taught us, a world in which everyone constantly keeps us real is not one we'd actually like to live in.
MEGAN: Well, I think that if you're going to argue for a word to be banned from use, then it shouldn't be a word that you're wont to drop yourself. Also, I'm mostly just disappointed in Jesse Jackson the way I am in Geraldine Ferraro, because I thought he was so awesome when I was a little kid and now he's just another big jerk. Plus, whenever I hear Rainbow Coalition, I think Rainbow Connection and now I feel like he has besmirched Kermit.
SPENCER: Have you ever listened to his "I Am Somebody" speech? It's beyond awesome. liberals should remember their history — we tend to think of the 80s as a wasteland of Reaganesque triumphalism but there were some real high points, and Rev JJ's 1984 convention speech is one of them
MEGAN: No, I completely agree. 1984 is really the first election I remember (him and Geraldine being little girl highlights of mine) and so that's really the source of my disappointment.
SPENCER: Jesus fucking CHRIST the Miller Liters are shouting out "Strong Island" to some women who sensibly left the diner-counter in a hurry. ok now i need you to explain something to me
MEGAN: Oh, God, I'm glad I'm not with you right now.
SPENCER: On our internal FDL email listserv, my blogospheric colleagues noted that there was a near-riot at an IndyMac branch in California. I have no idea why or what happened, nor what IndyMac, like, is, so I'm counting on you to explain.
MEGAN: Um, so, I take that back, a woman just sat down next to me out here and started clipping her toenails.
SPENCER: Done with breakfast now!
MEGAN: Ok, so, IndyMac: was a bank in California, still sort of is. The Feds moved in last Friday after it was determined that they didn't have enough money to meet their depository obligations because of tighter credit and foreclosures. Though, it might be eventually facing fraud charges.
SPENCER: and this is Housing-Crisis-related?
MEGAN: Yes, mostly. I mean, housing crisis and financial mismanagement, which are basically being seen as one and the same these days. But, so, like, if you didn't know, any savings accounts and CDs and the like are insured by the federal government up to — and only up to — $100,000.
SPENCER: I did not know
MEGAN: And the FDIC has determined that up to 10,000 IndyMac customers have deposits in excess of the FDIC limits, which is like up to $1 billion in uninsured deposits, and the FDIC expects to have to pay $8 billion + for the bail out. But those people with more money in than the FDIC insured, those people will basically be considered the bank's creditors and will wait years or more to get their money back (if they ever get their $$ back), which is why people were freaking the fuck out yesterday
SPENCER: Okay, I think I found the incident in question — it appears to have occurred in the San Fernando Valley:

Police ordered angry customers lined up outside an IndyMac Bank branch to remain calm or face arrest Tuesday as they tried to pull their money on the second day of the failed institution's federal takeover.
At least three police squad cars showed up early Tuesday as tensions rose outside the San Fernando Valley branch of Pasadena-based IndyMac.

So this is a riot of the formerly-rich?
MEGAN: Welcome to the Depression, and why the government started the FDIC in the first place, though it does provide a significant financial disincentive for banks to not do a great job self-regulating. Well, "formerly rich"
SPENCER: or is it only bloggers who don't have $100,000-plus in the bank these days?
MEGAN: I mean, some of these people, that might be their retirement savings because when you get within 5-10 of retirement you're told to take your money out of the stock market and put it in insurable, risk-averse assets.
SPENCER: Whoa you used the D-word
MEGAN: Ben B can come by and flog me later.
SPENCER: I am sure when I arrive at Netroots Nation there will be no shortage of invective on this, and i don't mean that pejoratively. Oh hey could I refer back to yesterday's CH for a second?
MEGAN: Which part? I know not the food parts...
SPENCER: The Iraq/Afghanistan parts
MEGAN: Sure
SPENCER: My friend Elle Reeve — someone else that TNR fucked over — read yesterday's CH rather attentively, as her husband Scott, a rather unfortunately infamous Iraq veteran, is scheduled to return for his second Iraq tour in the fall and she grounded yesterday's discussion of the Obama/McCain debate over Afghanistan/Iraq troop levels in a really compelling way, so I hereby introduce CH readers to the awesome Elle Reeve:

Obama wants to send two brigades to Afghanistan, and now McCain wants to send three. Where would these dudes come from? They're not going to pluck guys from one war zone and deposit them in another, right? So will troops scheduled for Iraq get sent to Afghanistan instead, and the guys in Iraq won't be replaced as their deployments expire? If Obama's elected and starts pulling out, wouldn't guys in Iraq have shortened deployments, while the guys in Afghanistan would still be deployed for 15 months at a time?

MEGAN: Oh, geez, that sucks that he got re-upped.
SPENCER:

Scott's brigade is mechanized, so there's little chance he'd be sent to Afghanistan, since tanks and Bradleys don't work well with mountains, right? The brigade is set to be in Iraq through near the last of Obama's 16 months. So what will happen to last of the guys in Iraq? Will they pull out of less volatile areas first? Because his co-workers totally deserve someplace nice in Kurdistan after serving in Baghdad last year. Basically, I'm looking to seize on any possibility that he'll be in a marginally less dangerous area. Or an area I can sneak in to. Kidding! Sort of. Give me the illusion of control.

Given that I need to board a plane in like 10 minutes, I sympathize deeply with Elle's desire for the illusion of control
MEGAN: I mean, who doesn't? I always prefer to have the illusion that I have any control over anything. And have a kickass time in Austin!

MEGAN: Let us kick off the first of two airport-edition Crappy Hours! Impressions of Frankfurt: very large and very shiny, and the people behind me are either eating egg salad or changing a baby's diaper.

SPENCER: Part I: Germany. What's in german egg salad? Is it like the potato salad, which is like potato salad here except flossy?

MEGAN: I'm going to take a wild guess and suggest it probably includes dill, since I always think dill smells like ass and have trouble eating it without a touch of a gag reflex kicking in. There was a potato salad consumed at some point this weekend, but I'll be damned if I really noticed a difference.

SPENCER: you're out of your mind! Dill is one of the most soothing aromatics you can have. My mother immediately disapproves of this CH and speaking of things to disapprove of, should we talk about McCain & Obama on Iraqhanistan or is that just me hijacking your feature?

MEGAN: We should definitely talk McCain and Obama and the Surge and whatever. And please apologize to your mom for me. If she wants me to give it a second chance, I will. So, like, they disagree about it, is what I'm given to understand.

SPENCER: what's amazing is that as recently as two months ago, McCain was denying the need for additional troops in Afghanistan

MEGAN: Oh, well, I mean, if we're going to be in Iraq in 100 years, we probably need a refueling point.

SPENCER: even as 2008 casualties in Afghanistan are nearly match the US death toll in all of 2007 and we're only at July 16 but Obama has been saying for almost a solid motherfucking year that we need to redeploy some forces from Iraq, which is not strategically crucial, to Afghanistan, which is.

MEGAN: Oh, man, that ain't good. Actually, I was talking about that with some Germans, too, they think we've fucked up Afghanistan pretty well.

SPENCER: yesterday McCain flipflops and basically adopts Obama's position, except he starts acting a bitch and saying Obama doesn't understand the "success of the surge":

“Senator Obama will tell you we can’t win in Afghanistan without losing in Iraq. In fact, he has it exactly backwards. It is precisely the success of the surge in Iraq that shows us the way to succeed in Afghanistan. It is by applying the tried and true principles of counterinsurgency used in the surge, which Senator Obama opposed, that we will win in Afghanistan.”

MEGAN: Oh, well, that's me, you, Obama, more than half of all Americans and a majority of Congress, so I feel like Obama's in good company.

SPENCER: now, on the one hand, I admire McCain's tactical savvy — he's disguising his retreat with an artillery barrage, which is sensible, but substantively, it's fucking crackers

MEGAN: Wait, so, like, when we're done surging in Iraq we're going to surge in Afghanistan? Is that what McCain's suggesting?

SPENCER: the idea that we can apply the "lessons" of Iraq — and McCain is dead-set on applying the wrong lessons — to a much, much much different country is insane yeah and that we've got to call it a SURGE because SURGEs are totally rad and he was in favor of the SURGE and the SURGE worked except when it doesn't.

MEGAN: I'll bet you he calls it surging rather than thrusting when he takes his once-a-year Viagra and bangs Cindy, too. Also, what are the lessons of Iraq? If you stick enough cannon fodder on the street the insurgents will quiet down until we go? Good plan.

SPENCER: and the most asinine thing? Obama is saying, fine, ok, you want to say Iraq is safer, whatevs, that means we should take our troops from a safe place and put them in a place that we need to make safe McCain says that security in Iraq means we have to stay forever; violence in Iraq means we have to stay forever; we need to redeploy some forces from Iraq so we can SURGE in Afghanistan; but not too many because that will mean Iraq will become less secure and that means we have to stay there forever. Okay, what else should we talk about?

MEGAN: Does McCain think that if he talks about it in the most confusing and obfuscating way possible that the rest of Americans will be as confused as the 30 percent that still like Bush and vote for him?
SPENCER: oh man - i want to make a web video of the 26 percent that still supports Bush

MEGAN: We could talk about McCain advisor Phil Gramm's porn career? And particularly the Nixon-imitator porn film, only I might start gagging again if I think too hard about that. Nixonland has a whole new meaning to me over here.

SPENCER: as, like, forming the 26 Percent Nation and harassing people on their way to work as street preachers dressed in weird robes and vestments with swords

MEGAN: Oooh, I would totally go harass Bush supporters. Only it would be hard to find any in Germany outside the Merkel government and even really in.

SPENCER: "You know you know you know Katrina was a hoax! They they they they said the levees broke but they they they they never broke, they never broke! We fight in Iraq so the terrorists won't make us fight in Dubuque and they'd follow us home because they like to chase freedom because they they they they hate freedom! You only chase what you HATE!"

MEGAN: And don't forget how they want to hurt our malls. Our malls! The symbols of our culture!

SPENCER: i recall reading a Doonesbury comic like 15 years ago about Phil Gramm bankrolling pornosbut Mighty Max gets yet another hot story.

MEGAN: And, yet, it's actually fucking true? The hell? And his bankrolled Nixon porn. He might as well have bankrolled Reagan bukkake porn.

SPENCER: hahaha Truck Stop Women

MEGAN: No rig too big?

SPENCER: i had a girlfriend last year who's an artist and she also used to drive trucks w her ex-bf; she designed an entire metallurgy show around truck stops, and made this awesome belt buckle around the 'No Lot Lizard' symbol, lot lizards being truck-stop whores

MEGAN: Yeah, I'm actually aware of the term. Actually, every time I drive home, between Hazleton and the NY border, there are all these billboards for massage parlors and every single time I wonder... that would be easy for the cops to figure out, right?

SPENCER: I'm waiting for Rick Perlstein's take on naked Nixon. Yeah, you should get a massage, see what they offer you.

MEGAN: I'm going to guess we will all be equally horrified.

SPENCER: oh before I forget, the new Nas record totally shouts out Jezebel
on a great track called "America".

MEGAN: Usually, by that point in the ride, I am considering it even though I'm totally sure it wouldn't be as good as my normal masseur, Antoine's, hands.

SPENCER: You have a normal masseur?

MEGAN: When I had a grown-up job I hated that paid me a lot of money, I paid Antoine to rub my naked body with oil and talk to me with his French accent once every two weeks in the middle of the work day. Usually about the time my Wonkette column was set to run. Both made me hate my life marginally less.

SPENCER: And at this point every dude who reads CH has just excused himself to furtively enjoy a tender moment.

MEGAN: Just for the record, I thought it important to note at this juncture that I spent 12 Euro this morning on a T-shirt that says "Good Bush, Bad Bush" and features a picture of a woman yanking down her underwear and one of George Bush, but mostly just because it was 12 Euros and a nice heavy T-shirt. I'm hoping to wear it, like, around the Republican convention or something.

And, I have been wondering for the better part of the last week what gas costs here vs. in America between the exchange rate and the liter/gallon conversion and in the last 3 minutes I have calculated it. At today's exchange rate, gas is about $9.36/gallon in Germany (at least in this part of Germany). So, um, I think we've got a long was to go gas-price-wise.

SPENCER: the Germans had better lift their ban on offshore oil drilling then how else will they maybe bring the price of gas down 3 cents in maybe 30-40 years?

MEGAN: I mean, not even Bush fucking believes that shit, he just wants more gas because you know he ain't getting back on a Segway any time soon.

SPENCER: also, you know what's disgusting? Monster Energy Drink. I don't know how people drink this shit, but I have like 15 oz to go and while the Sunk Cost Fallacy doesn't apply to, say, investment strategy or the Iraq war, I feel like it has a certain logic when it comes to morning beverages.

I drove to Baltimore and back on Saturday but thanks to the miracle of Zipcar's gas-dedicated credit card I did not purchase gas
MEGAN: What happened to you drinking coffee? All those "energy" drinks — and especially Red Bull — taste list over processed Mountian Dew to me.

SPENCER: you, my Carolla-wielding friend, are fucked. I like Red Bull

MEGAN: Luckily, I hardly drive my Corolla.

SPENCER: hahahaha one of my friend's status message is "Now I have Toyota Corolla. Just like everybody else."

MEGAN: I mean, I've had it 8 years in December and it's got like 65,000 miles on it, and that includes trips home and all the driving I used to do for work.

SPENCER: I had to stop in a magazine shop to buy a an offensive magazine to get offended at in public and all they had was Monster Energy Drink.

MEGAN: I've just bought fashion magazines to do something with later when I have a scanner, but there's one in which the nipples are airbrushed out just like in America! Anyway, we should probably also talk about the whole Pat Tillman investigation that's going nowhere fast, if only to get to the following quote which I found horrible.

The committee cited one exchange between White House political chief Karl Rove and Ron Fournier, then a political reporter for The Associated Press.
In a chain under the subject line "H-E-R-O," Rove replied to an e-mail from Fournier by saying, "How does our country continue to produce men and women like this?"Fournier replied, "The Lord creates men and women like this all over the world. But only the great and free countries allow them to flourish. Keep up the fight."

MEGAN: The fuck? And now he's head of the AP's Washington Bureau? I guess it just goes to show you can have political opinions and still get to the top of your profession as a journalist or something like that. Maybe as long as they're Republican.

SPENCER: ok, I saw my old boss flag this, but honestly, BFD. Fournier wrote a source-greasing email that didn't say anything particularly offensive. Reporters do this all the time — Rove would call it "strategery"

MEGAN: I just meant the creepy religio-patriotism about it skeeves me. But I'll trust you on that and defend you when your emails come out in 6 years or something for sure.

SPENCER: As to Fournier's political leanings, I remember watching Recount with you — Fournier was the guy who calls Ron Klain on election night to tell Gore not to concede, which is way more partisan than this email to Rove

MEGAN: Omg, you're so right. So he's really just a slimy suck-up like I always was as a lobbyist. Ah, the good old days.

SPENCER: or am I just part of the journalistic problem now by not being offended by it?

MEGAN: We're all part of the problem, right? Do we care to comment on Rove defending ignoring subpoenas or is it par for the course and we're done caring?

SPENCER: I'm actually trying to write a piece about shit like this for a magazine-that-shall-not-be-named, and I want to call it "The Politics of Retribution"

MEGAN: By the way, Der Speigel's website apparently has a timer counting down to the end of the Bush Administration. And if one more person asks me who is going to win, I'm going to say something crazy like "Ralph Nader" and then laugh hysterically and start speaking in tongues. About the subpoenas thing?

SPENCER: see, Rove and the rest of them will only respect coercion and force, but Obama's candidacy/presidency is predicated on hope and all that shit

MEGAN: So they don't know how to react to people being polite to them?

SPENCER: so the piece would be about how he should use the Senate Democrats and Attorney General John Edwards to launch an onslaught of persecution aimed at uncovering the abuses of the last 8 years

MEGAN: Aw, angry Johnny! I miss him and his pretty hair.

SPENCER: like a smart strategy for Obama in Year One would be to order a mass declassification about, like, rendition, torture, the U.S. attorney firings, everything you see covered on TPM

MEGAN: Ooh, that would be awesome. And not just because maybe someone would eventually hire me to dig through all of that shit and write about it.

SPENCER: not only does that bring all of this shit out into the light, it a) distracts the press while Obama launches into his universal health care/Iraq withdrawal agenda and b) it gets the right to lawyer up and cower in fear, constraining it from blocking said agenda and there's more! Implicitly, it acts as a really satisfying fuck-you

MEGAN: But, it does make Ben Ginsburg and his skeevy lawyer ilk a shit ton of money.

SPENCER: like, "Oh, you want U.S. persons communications' deemed merely 'relevant' to 'foreign intelligence information' wiretapped under a blanket warrant? Cool! Well, Mr. Feith, every time you call Ahmed Chalabi, I'mma be on the other line"

MEGAN: Oh, Dougie Feith! It'll be like all our favorite criminals seated on big panels. It'll be the left-wing McCarthyism. We'll get our own Fred Thompson.Except for he's Watergate, but you know what I mean.

SPENCER: or: "Oh, you want to be able to put a black bag over a motherfucker's head, google him, strap him up in the belly of a C-130 and drop him off into the middle of nowhere? You got it, Mr. Rumsfeld! One minute you're at your Kalorama crib complaining to Joyce about why she can't love you longtime like Midge Decter and the next you're dropped off on the side of the road in Spain, where Judge Baltasar Garzon has an indictment out for you for war crimes. Send me a postcard from the Hague!"

MEGAN: Well, hopefully you know what I mean, because I don't really, but in another interesting German story, I once worked at a language lab in college and got her hear the testimony of Bertold Brecht before the House Committee on Un-American Activities and he wrapped all them bitches up in knots, drove out to Dulles and hopped a plane to East Berlin. Where would Feith go?

SPENCER: speaking of Feith, he's going to be testifying to a House Judiciary panel at 10 about his role in authorizing torture which is why I can't stay crappying with you much longer

MEGAN: Totally cool, are you blogging it for Windy?

SPENCER: yeah

MEGAN: Are they going to ask him about the Beaver memo?

SPENCER: I believe they will! Mr. Feith, how familiar are you with a certain 2002 Beaver communication...?

MEGAN: So many double entendres, so little time.

SPENCER: Congressman, I can safely say no Beaver has ever talked to me, and if one did, I would not listen.

MEGAN: Mr Feith, are you saying you have no familiarity with anything Beaver related?

SPENCER: christ this Monster shit is DISGUSTING and it's making my chest hurt

MEGAN: Um, then, I think you should stop drinking it, your $1.75 be damned.

MEGAN: Hey, how's the weather there, by the way? And I don't ask because I actually, you know, care, since I know the answer is probably hot and humid but mostly so I can say that it's sunny and 70 and not remotely humid, or at least that's what I can tell from my friend's living room in Germany from where I'm currently working.
SPENCER: Yesterday it was boiling hot, as Nationals Park gave me the lobster treatment during a 5-0 loss to Houston, but now it's dreary and wet.
MEGAN: I don't envy you the sunburn. Anyway, so, should we discuss the New Yorker's Obama cover first or the supposed story inside?
SPENCER: Let's do the cover first, and see which of us can out-outrage the other. To back up, dear readers, as you may have heard, the New Yorker ran a cover that, in John Aravosis's description "shows Oval Office with Obama as tribal African, wife as afro-70s-woman with machine gun, Osama on the wall, and flag on fire."
MEGAN: It's about to run it, it's the July 21st issue.
SPENCER: oooohhh being in Germany has made you so fastidious
MEGAN: Yes, I am surrounded by perfectionists. It does bring out the worst in me.
SPENCER: it's the issue that's out today, in any case
so: your thoughts on the cover?
MEGAN: Anyway, I'm most offended by the fact that they portray Michelle in combat boots. As if.
And ugly camo pants? WTF, people.
SPENCER: btw, I don't think Obama is, contra Aravosis, dressed as a "tribal African" — he's dressed as Usama bin Laden
the shalwar kameez, the sandals, the signature turban
did you see how the NY'er press release described it?

"On the cover of the July 21, 2008, issue of The New Yorker, in ‘The Politics of Fear,’ artist Barry Blitt satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign.”

MEGAN: No, I think it was supposed to reflect both that and the infamous Somalia pictures
SPENCER: so your only critique is the sartorial representation? Am I doing CH with Sadie this morning?
MEGAN: Actually, I mean, there are so many ways in which Michelle's portrayal are really offensive — the big lips, the Afro, the hand on the hip, the gun, the bad clothes and the way she's looking at him like "Yeah, we pulled on over on them, didn't we."
It's like, I get where he's going with the satire thing, I just don't think that it comes across as satirical and I don't know that incorporating actual stereotypes about African-Americans (big lips, curly hair, etc) gets across the other points he's trying to make.
SPENCER: dKos diarist irackobama had a good line:

How did you miss putting afros on the Obama children in stripper clothes on a pole in the background, cotton pickers outside of the window and a noose hanging in the tree?

MEGAN: Well, they are stomping on the eagle's head.
SPENCER: I mean, you're right, it's not like the artist or the editors were like, "We should really make sure people know that one of the presidential candidates is a SCARY BLACK MAN"
MEGAN: They're stomping on everything America stands for!
I mean, I actually think the portrayal of Michelle is more tasteless.
Hence with the joking about her shoes.
SPENCER: but that's besides the — hahahaha i missed that — point. The cover indicates quite a bit about how white people who think of themselves as The Good Ones believe they should get a pass when it comes to race
MEGAN: I would totally agree with that. I also wonder how much of that is about generating/manufacturing controversy rather than actual satire. Given their readership.
SPENCER: honestly, this doesn't seem like a manufactured controversy, since the New Yorker doesn't have to gin up gimmicks to sell magazines
plus they probably see themselves as above that
did you read the story? Written by Ryan "Snitch Bitch" Lizza?
MEGAN: They'd have to gin up a controversy to get me to buy it, but I'm the world's worst person at buying magazines.
I keep trying to read it, but the narcolepsy kicks in.
SPENCER: yeah, i didn't either
because NO ONE should trust a single thing Lizza writes
not his editors
not his factcheckers
not his readers
not his friends
not his family
MEGAN: Well, Ryan Lizza's trustworthiness aside, Ryan Lizza doesn't seem interesting enough as a person to be the secondary focus of the piece.
It's like, do I really need to read about Ryan Lizza talking about Ryan Lizza researching the story.?
SPENCER: fun fact: in Shattered Glass, the movie about Steve Glass & TNR, there's a hyper-obnoxious intern who keeps trying to butter Glass up
that dude is based on Ryan
wait, does Lizza talk about how he researched his own piece in the middle of the piece itself?
because if so, i wish there was a loud cackle function in HTML
MEGAN: It's all like, XYZ told me this, and Obama talked to me about this.
it's all written in the first person, I find it really annoying and I write constantly in the first person but not about how I met Barack Obama and everyone that's ever known him talked to Me.
SPENCER: (Yeah, but magazine editors make you do that, so you can signal to your readership that They could never do what Famous Glossy Writers do — it's the most anti-punk rock thing in journalism)
well, to be Serious and Substantive for a moment
check this out in the piece
Obama's reaction to 9/11, printed in the Hyde Park Herald on 9/19/01
ok, so this is Obama's response to 9/11 during a time when the whole fucking country had lost its mind

Even as I hope for some measure of peace and comfort to the bereaved families, I must also hope that we as a nation draw some measure of wisdom from this tragedy. Certain immediate lessons are clear, and we must act upon those lessons decisively. We need to step up security at our airports. We must reexamine the effectiveness of our intelligence networks. And we must be resolute in identifying the perpetrators of these heinous acts and dismantling their organizations of destruction.

MEGAN: "fundamental absence of empathy" is also a good way to describe how much of America feels about much of the rest of the world.
SPENCER: Ok, so totally sensible, if conventional, right? but then!

We must also engage, however, in the more difficult task of understanding the sources of such madness. The essence of this tragedy, it seems to me, derives from a fundamental absence of empathy on the part of the attackers: an inability to imagine, or connect with, the humanity and suffering of others. Such a failure of empathy, such numbness to the pain of a child or the desperation of a parent, is not innate; nor, history tells us, is it unique to a particular culture, religion, or ethnicity. It may find expression in a particular brand of violence, and may be channeled by particular demagogues or fanatics. Most often, though, it grows out of a climate of poverty and ignorance, helplessness and despair.

MEGAN: Ha, "dismantling their organizations of destruction." Wonder how that's going.
SPENCER: I mean, damn. This is when everyone's saying shit about eating bin Laden's heart out of his chest and they hate us for our freedom — and those were the liberals
MEGAN: Wait, we've stopped saying they hate us for our freedom?
SPENCER: now, it turns out that the connection between jihadism and poverty sort of runs in the opposite direction — most of the 9/11 hijackers had college degrees; some were advanced and shit — but at the time no one was brave enough to say that sort of stuff — besides Susan Sontag and The Nation and they got ripped apart for saying it
MEGAN: Right, that was back when Ann Coulter was all about forcible conversions and she got fired but people were still whispering that she was right.
SPENCER: but the next wave of jihadism — call it al-Qaeda 4.0 — is, according to Marc Sageman, sort of trending the way Obama describes it 7 years ago
And that's the sort of thing — you know, an actual understanding of the threats America faces — that makes me think this Scary Black Man will be not just a good president but a motherfucking transformative president
MEGAN: Also, the Middle East is one of many places where you can have a college degree and zero prospects. It's a problem in Saudi Arabia and Iran in particular, lots of educational opportunities — sometimes even for women — and then... a life of unemployed semi-leisure and no way to advance in the world.
I think boredom inspires radicalism, not poverty. When you're really poor, you don't have time to go around being all radical and shit, you have to survive.
SPENCER: yeah, Saudi subsidizes your education — especially religious education — and then doesn't have a job for you, since all their labor to support their affluence goes to dirt-poor Bangladeshis and Filipinos
if Moe were here she could discuss that shit
MEGAN: Um, I could discuss that shit because I just did?
SPENCER: oh sorry!
i guess we should end this before i embarrass myself further
MEGAN: Aw, you're far from an embarrassment. But we could end it just because I'm going to go have an early dinner and some fun since I'm supposedly on vacation.
SPENCER: mmmm spatzle
MEGAN: I'll pick you up some before I come home and if you ask nice I'll even cook it.
SPENCER: i don't actually know what spatzle is
MEGAN: German gnocchi
SPENCER: i am to spatzle what john mccain is to the internet
MEGAN: Well, I'll teach you German potato pasta like someone (likely not Megan McCain, but someone who is getting paid) is teaching John McCain the internet and we'll call it even. You bring the beer.

Making It: How Chicago Shaped Obama [New Yorker]

MOE: you there?
MEGAN: I am! I'm sitting in a cafe in Saarbrücken, drinking my 4th dose of caffeine for the day and watching it sprinkle outside.
MOE: How pleasant! I am in my bed with a raspberry Kombucha, and I have yet to make the caffeine so as with so many days I am somewhat cranky, particularly regarding the kneejerk hostility of my countrymen, which is to say what the fuck, "Obama aide"? God people need to simmer down. Beyond that I was talking about the Jesse Jackson thing last night and decided that like everything it was just really funny.
MEGAN: I forgot to tell you, I saw Snuffleupagus get into a cab at M and Connecticut the other week! Also, because I missed Crappy Hour yesterday because my flight was super delayed, I also forgot to mention that Madeline Albright was on my flight but I never managed to get back up to business class to fan girl out in her direction after she caught me staring and grinning like an idiot when I got on the plane. Also, how nerdy is it that I fan girl out about Madeline Albright? Anyway, I'm not sure I quite understand the Jesse Jackson thing, but that might be because I spent the time I should've been reading about it toasting my friends' marriage on an empty stomach and thereafter read about it.
MEGAN: But my nerd-crush Chuck Todd says that the map is shifting to Obama anyway so maybe Jesse Jackson can shove off? I forget, did he knock his mistress up or just get caught having one?
MOE: You know, anyone who gets caught whispering about how he's going to cut off the nuts of a guy who is not only in all likelihood the next leader of the free world but a
MOE: close family friend — while miked — at Fox News!…at FOX NEWS…definitely says shit a lot worse than that on a very regular basis, as my friend Brian was pointing out last night. He sort of wanted to engage in a hypothetical Jesse Jackson empty threat contest. I think he started with a reference to skullfucking.
MEGAN: How about eyeball licking when you've got cold sores? Eye herpes=painful and blinding. Plus just the thought of it gives me the chills.
MEGAN: Also, can I say, it sort of freaks me out in Germany that people are, like, totally willing to get caught looking at you. People watching is more of an art form in America in which the goal is not to get caught. Here, they don't care and it is very disconcerting. I don't say that because a group of 15 men just walked by and all stopped talking to look at me as they walked by or anything and I'm not even speaking English or anything.
MOE: Dude WHERE IS MY NOONAN. NO NOONAN TODAY. And where the fuck has Brooks been? You mean to tell me these once a week columnists get vacations? Anyway, so what is all this bullshit with Obama and abortion? I have a block against reading about abortion because reading abortion stories doesn't tell you anything new about anything I guess. And re the Prussians, I kind of like that. I look at people unabashedly all the time. If I have left my house, you are fair game is how I see it.
MEGAN: I know, I just keep, like, checking to see if my bra is showing or something.
MEGAN: Oh, that's the late term abortion thingie.
MEGAN: Basically, he's all like, no "late term" abortions for mental distress, but then there's been no real explanation for him about the definition of "late term," which could be anything from one week into the second trimester to the 8 month mark, AS THOUGH women look down and 8 months and go, ohhh, shit, yeah, this was a bad idea.
MEGAN: Anyway, so peeps are all pissed off and I think rightly so because, for me, it's all within the context of other stuff he's seemingly moving to the middle on which is why I wrote this.
MOE: I guess I should also go through some other shit I ignored this week, such as the party of Lincoln bloggers are angry Obama said Americans should learn other languages, but I think he is maybe just being "pro growth" since some language skills might do something to staunch the rapid falloff in the value of a US life. And to that end maybe Phil Gramm's tough love approach to fending off recession could be exported to other places with economic woes like I dunno Egypt?
MEGAN: Ok, shit, my battery's about to die and I don't see a plug and don't remember the word, so if I disappear, I'll see you shortly but maybe not shortly enough to continue with this...

MEGAN: Sorry, in the meantime, a woman sat directly in front of me, lit up a cigarette and, to avoid blowing the smoke in her companions face, blew it in mine.
MOE: Hey, you know who's not on vacation for which we can be thankful? E. J. Dionne.

The biggest political story of 2008 is getting little coverage. It involves the collapse of assumptions that have dominated our economic debate for three decades.
Since the Reagan years, free-market cliches have passed for sophisticated economic analysis. But in the current crisis, these ideas are falling, one by one, as even conservatives recognize that capitalism is ailing.
You know the talking points: Regulation is the problem and deregulation is the solution. The distribution of income and wealth doesn't matter. Providing incentives for the investors of capital to "grow the pie" is the only policy that counts. Free trade produces well-distributed economic growth, and any dissent from this orthodoxy is "protectionism."

MEGAN: Anyway, Norquist's point is that a bunch of sole proprietorships file under the personal income tax code and thus will see their taxes go up under Obama's plan, but doesn't account for how many people are filing taxes under the personal code instead of the corporate code and thus would switch if the corporate rate was lower, which Obama has proposed lowering.
MEGAN: Wow, Dionne finds conservatives willing to say that boards voting crazy compensation packages for the people who appoint them and pay them might be a market failure?
MOE: It's funny, I had this drink with my old agent yesterday and I went off on this, I'm not quite sure why, and I said something about how the nation's policy makers could have pursued globalization differently and he looked at me like I was — well maybe like he was mulling whether I as stupid as I was inarticulate — and said something like "we don't control globalization" as if globalization was like gravity, which just…uh, may be a common misnomer.
MEGAN: Well, we don't control globalization, but we can control how we implement policies that can effect globalization or the effects of globalization and the only people that don't really seem to understand that are... people whose interests are best served by unfettered globalization.
MOE: Well this is a discussion for another time, but we have now but more importantly, over the past 30 years we, America, the world's largest market by a very long shot and in recent years by a psychotically long shot, have had an inordinate amount of power over how the thing works, and to the extent that our diplomatic interests are our commercial ones, you know.
MEGAN: Our diplomatic interests aren't always our commercial ones? I guess that does explain the depths of our committed engagement in Darfur, Zimbabwe, Burma and Cuba.

MOE: OMG someone named Emily Weiss just befriended me on Facebook and I thought it was the Stepfordy Teen Vogue intern from The Hills but it's not, it's just some other girl born in 1984. I am sure she is an infinitely nicer and better and more appealing person than the F-list socialite Emily Weiss but you know.
$PENCER: ok go
are you sure you just IMd that to the right person
because i don't know at all who any of your reference refer to
MOE: What is going on today besides this Jackson thing and FISA? Did you read the front page spy story in the Times? Because I did not, although I made an admirable effort at the deli.
$PENCER: no, but if you want an excellent recap of what just happened with FISA, i refer you to the Windy's Mike Lillis
MOE: Oh that picture is fierce
$PENCER: did you see Ta-Nehisi Coates' reaction to JJ?
i know it's like Chris Dodd is Oliver Hardy
anyway here's Ta-Nehisi getting all Too Hot For The Root or the Atlantic:

My Dad is gonna kill me. But here's Jesse—on Fox News no less—telling some other dude that he'd like to cut Obama's nuts out. Nice. I'm not even sure this hurts Obama in anyway. Even Jesse's own son condemned him. There is a certain strain of the civil right era that really just needs to have a Jack and Coke and call it a day. It's not that we aren't grateful. We so really are. But this is getting embarrassing...

MOE: oooooh too hot for The Root??? But The Root is the hotness ...
$PENCER: about that spy story, i leave all things China to you
MOE: one of the links on The Root's blogroll is something called "Conversate is not a word" and that blog has made this point before w/r/t Wright and Sharpton and I think Clinton and maybe we could add Linda Hirshman to that mix.
$PENCER: i use conversate
don't make me call the Grammar Police
BECAUSE THAT SITE IS DOWN
so give me your thoughts on China and then I want to talk about the other huge fucking deal that people are ignoring, which is that Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki of Iraq just endorsed Barack Obama's Iraq policy
MOE: Well the thing about Chinese espionage that I think is kind of the point of the story is that they can't really decide if its spying for the government or just intellectual property infringement, and while spying is inherently awesome patent law is less so so the use of the word "Spy" in the headline does not guarantee amazing content. Although I'm mining it.
$PENCER: interestingly enough this was kind of the plot of one of James Webb's lesser-known war novels from 1991
except with employees of a Japanese company selling secrets of (deep breath) a software firm that had a Pentagon contract to nefarious North Koreans
in order to divert attention from the scandal, a chickenhawk defense secretary entangles the U.S. in an Eritrean-Ethiopean war
... and to thinkWebb could have been vice president
MOE: Oh that would be a big deal, please share your ideas. So basically the Iraq president agrees that it was a stupid idea to invade the Iraq even though that is the only reason he got to be president of the Iraq and yes, that is how much Iraq sucks that he is willing to say he would rather step into a time machine back to when he was hanging out in Syria or whatever?
$PENCER: unfortunately only the Iranians make the component parts for the Wayback Machine, so to step into it would be to admit the close ties between Baghdad and Teheran so Ryan Crocker really doesn't want that, but anyways
let's conversate on Iraq
on Monday, maliki went to the UAE to get some debt relief, and said "You know what? We should really set a timetable for the US to withdraw"
the State Dept response was LALALALALA I DONT HEAR YOU AND WHATEVER YOU WERE PROBABLY MISTRANSLATED OR MISQUOTED YOU KNOW HOW THOSE REPORTERS GET
MOE: Oy!! Can we get an awkward press conference clip or not right now? How often does the State Dept have to give press conferences anyway?
$PENCER: but then a longtime U.S. (and Iranian!) stooge named Mowaffaq al-Rubaie met with the most important Shiite religious leader in Iraq, and said explicitly that we need to get the hell on
i think that was Sean McCormack's tuesday am briefing
anyway here's the best part
Maliki was like, no, I really mean it
from today's Wash Post:

Iraqi spokesman Ali al-Dabbagh said in Baghdad on Wednesday that a U.S. pullout could be completed in several years. "It can be 2011 or 2012," he said. "We don't have a specific date in mind, but we need to agree on the principle of setting a deadline."

so now you tell MOE: how does Barack Obama lose the Iraq debate?
MOE: Okay here's the ish on the China spy shit: for one thing, all this shit seems to involve Taiwanese. Taiwan is supposed to hate China but actually they are a little too interested in cheap labor and gargantuan consumer market to bother with that, you understand, so anyway, blah blah blah a few big things China would like to figure out how to make: night vision goggles, military-grade accelerometers for smart bombs and "refinements that make missiles more difficult to detect." mmmmmm yeah I'm not sure how sexy this is. What's an accelerometer look like even?
$PENCER: oh wow gurlz know NOTHING about defense LOL
it looks like this, duh
so nothing to see in the NYT china spy story but Pulitzer-bait?
what a shame, Ting Ting
MOE: oooh cylindrical like a TAMPON. btw I was explaining to my 2 girlfriends yesterday that missile test stories i.e. The Iran yesterday are sooooo boring to cover, because they invariably boil down to the shop-worn cliche of "sabre-rattling" and my BFFs were like "whoa, really? They use that term, 'sabre rattling'?" And then they started fighting with imaginary sabres and i was like "No seriously guys it's THAT STUPID."
MOE: Lolz. And yeah it's not Pulitzer material. No Efraim Diveroli that's for sure.
$PENCER: yeah what you don't see in Pentagon press conferences is the pre-conference saber rattling that reporters do with their DONGS
poor Martha Raddatz and Pam Hess, always left out of the fun
no wonder Pam moved to the AP intelligence beat
MOE: What's this about Obama regretting letting his kiddies on TV?
$PENCER: you tell me!
MOE: I mean, sure, Access Hollywood isn't Charlie Rose, but…
$PENCER: before I have to go — — i need you to say, just once in CH, what you think about a story of the day
MOE: Here is that. I certainly respectfully disagree. I actually had a dream the other night that Michelle got knocked up again in the White House.
$PENCER: oohhh NPR i forgot how it soothes my liberal's soul now that i have no radio
so you disagree with the decision to put the Obama girls on TV?
i need to know what the age's best working writer thinks about this!
MOE: I don't think I know what to think of Jesse Jackson. On one hand, wait, what?That really happened? On the other hand, of course it happened, because this entire campaign has consisted of a marathon real time PSA dedicated to hammering it home to our generation time and time fucking again that Boomers Are Officially Unfit To Run The Country; In Fact They Fucking Always Were; We Were Just Too Busy Updating Our Myspace Pages To Notice And Hey, By The Way, What Happened To The Economy?
MOE: I think you compromised a bit of the credibility you built up calling me the world's greatest living writer by implying that it was a good thing no one ever turned in Bill Clinton for sexual assault because you see while the whole sexual assault thing was resurfacing to embarrass him in the media he heroically tried to distract the country by bombing Al Qaeda.... comparing me to Bill is just a messy analogy is all I'm saying. Unless it was purposely that way?
$PENCER: wait huh?
i was making a point about clinton and al-qaeda, and the structure of Winstead's argument, not Clinton and sexual assault
victim blaming
i don't think Clinton is a problematic analogy at all under those circumstances and in this context
MOE: I was just kidding!
$PENCER: ok i am reading galleys way way past deadline so i am unable to catch the subtler points made by our finest living writer

MOE: Hi, what's going on. I'm tired. Your boy Mark Penn and Karen Huges sure look like the match made in Hell, no?
MEGAN: What is it they say about when lions and lambs lay down together? I'm not sure whether the rapture has already happened and I just didn't notice what with living in D.C. and all and no one going missing, or if the apocalypse is starting, or if D.C. is really just purgatory.
MEGAN: Also, the Clinton camp: pissed and somehow surprised that Obama's big donors haven't given them more money to pay off the debts they accumulated after winning became a mathematical impossibility. Also pissed that Obama won't give them his small donor email list to spam with requests. Like, for real. If you have him $5, she wants your email address to be able to ask for for $100.
MOE: Better idea: Roger Ailes! Sean Hannity! Get Bill Kristol to write about in his column! And surely Rush can afford to pitch in what with the four hundred million dollars and everything. He's got some listeners too I have heard.

MEGAN: I mean, it only seems fair. His minions supposedly help keep her in the race, he wouldn't want the small business people (who probs vote Republican anyway, or will now that the Dems are dicking them around) to not be able to feed their families!
MOE: Hey, this guy looks like he's got some pull with the plutocracy, maybe hit him up too. Don't click if you don't want to stab yourself. I actually might write a letter to the WSJ on the breathtaking inanity of this argument.
MEGAN: Did you know I used to work for the nonpartisan Tax Foundation?
MEGAN: I doubt Scott crunched those numbers, but hey Gerald! Hope your wedding was beautiful!
MEGAN: Also, don't know if you missed this yesterday, but Obama's Social Security funding plan is probably a good part of what's got their knickers in a twist.
MEGAN: So, like, you (and your employer) pay Social Security on the first $102,000 of your income
MOE: Hahahaha what he says, it's soooo nuts! It's like an argument you'd find in a time capsule from 1978 you'd look at and go, "Well, I suppose back then it sounded like he had a point, but the thing they didn't quite realize then is that when rich people pay fewer taxes they don't really generate economic growth outside themselves, and maybe the Caymans and a bit of Shenzhen."
MEGAN: And everything after that is SocSec tax free. Obama thinks that between the cap (adjusted yearly for inflation) and $250,000 (probably not adjusting for inflation, though that's not clear), you wouldn't pay more. After that, if you made more than $250,000, you would resume paying Social Security taxes of 2-4% on those earnings — and so would your employer, creating a small disincentive for paying you more.
MOE: Tom Frank's tilting yard is up your alley, on the corporate push to actually draft some legislation for once, so Comrade Obama can't immediately draft a 5 Year Plan.
MEGAN: Well, I would disagree slightly with the assertion that all the Republican Congress members are retiring just to cash in as lobbyists (they'll have to wait 2 years, except for Trent Lott who only has to wait out this year because of when he retired). I actually think it's because they're a bunch of whiny little idea- and idealless babies who are taking what remains of their balls and going home because they don't like playing if they're not on the winning team.
MEGAN: Other than that, that's an excellent analysis.
MEGAN: So did you want to talk anything about James Baker and Warren Christopher saying there needs to be a new War Powers Resolution, not that the one we have has ever been invoked?
MEGAN: Or would you prefer to fuck any further serious discussion and skip straight to the Formula One guy's Nazi sadomasochistic sex scandal? Because, I can't lie, I read one of those articles more thoroughly than the other.
MEGAN:

In arguing that The News of the World was guilty of a “gross and indefensible intrusion,” he has spoken candidly of his passion for sadomasochism, which he has told the court has lasted for 45 years.

MOE: Please tell me more about the F1 guy. I never could quite follow that one and the Jalopnik guys seemed to be all over it. Also, what is even up with sadomasochism? I'm so ignorant. And innocent! Whatever it is sounds better than Ashley Alexandra Dupre's reality show .
MEGAN: Dude, for REAL, I do not understand reality TV.
MOE: I love the TNR homepage link to book review: Have Freakonomicists Actually Revolutionized The Way We Think About Happiness? Or just the Hackness To Which We Will Stoop In Our Headlines?
MEGAN: Ok, so, like Max Mosley is an important guy in Britain and his parents were, like, British gentry but also really into Hitler back when Hitler was still alive and stuff. And then a Brit tabloid got video of him participating in a really, really long S&M session with 5 women that played on prison fantasies but apparently also had some Nazi overtones (the word Aryan was used!) and now he's suing them for invasion of privacy and in the trial everyone is like, I like pain! With sex. The end.
MOE: Neither do I, for the record. I just don't get it. Interestingly, even Tracie, the other night when we were hanging out engaged in one of those deep intellectual conversations we have all the time, was like, "I'm over it. I never thought I'd say this but it's possible for something to be too stupid for me to watch."
MEGAN: Also, only in wealthy Britain would your husband of 40 years like getting caned to the point that it leaves marks and draws blood regularly (or enough for him to differentiate between caning, whipping, beating and spanking) and you not notice the marks. Like, for real. Did they sleep bundled?
MEGAN: As for the deal with S&M, I mean, I'm no afficianado, but I think it speaks to the reality that the brain really is the only true sexual organ.
MOE: Can braindead people get off? I don't really think I believe it. Re reality TV it looks like some guy from the first season of the Real World is running for Congress, which I suppose is just another sign of our generation passing the Pointlessness baton to the Youngs. I suppose I ought to give mine up too but first I want to write a post on whether Charlize Theron is actually smart.
MEGAN: Um, I think all I can say after reading that is: Brooklynites, please vote for Ed Towns.
MOE: Have you been reading any of these space dominance stories? Because I keep meaning to and not. Are we worried China's space program is going to find a place to launch excess emissions before we do and leave us to be dessicated by the global warming Dick Cheney is still maintaining does not exist?
MEGAN: I'll confess, the last story I bothered clicking on about space travel was this one about fucking in space.
MEGAN: But, no, because we're going to pump all our carbon dioxide into the empty pockets under the sea from whence we will be extracting oil, so it'll all be fine. Once we, like figure out how to do it.
MOE: Here's another headline I like: "Meet Huzaifa Parhat, who personifies the absurdity of U.S. policy in Guantanamo Bay." Uh, yeah, as opposed to all the other victims of U.S. policy in Guantanamo Bay. I saw that post on drudge. What's with the headlines today? "For Better of Worse, Sex In Space Is Inevitable." That's better than this post I saw on TNR the other day, "6 Reasons The Border Fence Is A Bad Idea." I am guiltier than anyone here but Jesus CHRIST I feel like building a border fence around the internet.
MEGAN: Maybe all the good headline writers took the week off and are vacationing with Jon Stewart?
MOE: No, they all took buyouts silly! My mom has been railing against the buyouts at the Washington Post. It's really odd to remember things like READERS ACTUALLY NOTICE.

MEGAN: Your mom might be the only one, though! The real question is whether Americans will notice the scaled-back convention coverage that's supposedly to "offset" the costs of Obama going to a bigger venue for his speech but is really just an excuse for the networks to do what then have been dying to do for years and cut back on boring convention coverage that no one watches anyway. Plus, they can't do it for the DNC and not not for the RNC so it's like a bonus.
MOE: I think w/r/t this War Powers Resolution act I would be part of the problem because I can't really finish the story and I know it has to do with the fighting over powers among the various branches of government and probably Dick Cheney knows best anyway right? But like, what does this resolution say? It was passed in pre-Watergate Nixon times…is it just really scary?
MEGAN: I mean, the thing is, that Constitutionally, to declare war on anybody, the President has to go to Congress to ask permission. But, like, that's haaaaard. So that's why Vietnam wasn't really a war and this isn't really a war, etc. And basically, since WWII, Congress and the Administration have tried to come up with a way to bypass Congress's Constitutional powers in the matter, because just like Americans supposedly all believe they'll be rich someday and thus supposedly don't want higher taxes on rich people, everyone on the Hill thinks they'll be President someday and thus is enamored with executive power, which is the thing our Founding fucking Fathers tried so hard to control.
MOE: Oh, and Osama Bin Laden's evildoer son looks young enough to be the son of OBL's other son, you know, the one with the British cougar wife who looks like she writes soft sadomasochistic erotica…ANYWAY, that made me think, when was the last time someone had a kid at the White House? What if the Obamas had another kid? I bet Rush would send the nicest presents.
MEGAN: So the War Powers Resolution sucks, and hasn't been used, and gives Congress very limited oversight and the Administration a lot of war-declaration power but it's never been used and Administrations have continued to drag us into armed conflicts that aren't "wars" by just going around it. Baker and Christopher suggest writing a new one with a robust role for Congress (thank GOD) — at least on the surface — as well as powers to the President but it requires oversight and consultation for any military action lasting more than a week, requires Congressional approval of military actions within 30 days (but exempts covert actions and response to terrorist attacks, SIGH, which just gives a reason for the next Bushie to declare that Iran is part of the War on al Qaeda or whatever but something is better than nothing).
MEGAN: And I love how the kid is against us, Britain, France... and Denmark. Denmark's probably all like, what the fuck, kid? We've got Danishes and beer and shit.
MOE: Anyway apparently this 16-year-old Hamza Bin Laden is Osama Bin Laden's "likely heir." Or, that is, according to the lofty source that is the Sun. OH, and I loved the Denmark thing too. Like, I bet we could write a comic book and get added to their terror list. Or maybe a YouTube video. Yes, that, exactly. Although, on second thought, I feel like I sort of know what it's like to be on a terror list. I'm back to joining the Iranian resistance if you're in.
MEGAN: Do I have to dye my hair dark like Ashleigh Banfield? Because I look really gothy with dark hair, even without the makeup. Not that I, uh, have any experience with that or anything. Nope.
MOE: Oh shit how did I miss this haha Republican convention planners want him out of town before McCain even gets there? Like, if you thought McCain's temper was reserved for Sandinistas and his wife you have no idea how he gets around his actual enemies.
MEGAN: Also, I love how they're floating that to see what the backlash will be to it.
MOE: I will say this, too: I was at this thing, the other night, called "Shoot The Messenger," and before the evening took a turn for the, er, interesting, the comics had a funny segment about who registered Republicans think John McCain should pick as a running mate, with 45% choosing John McCain 2000 for his appeal to the independents and 35% choosing John McCain 2004 for his appeal with supporters of the war. Anyway, it made me laugh. That is all.

MOE: Hahaha see I still have a soft spot for McCain 2008 God bless him'
MEGAN: You know, my grandmother (who I saw a week ago) said that she had been a huge Hillary supporter and was really disappointed that she lost, but no way in hell would she vote for 2008 McCain. She said she thinks he's senile and an idiot, and that it's his creeping senility that makes him so different in 2008 than he was in 2000 when she would have considered voting for him. My grandmother, by the way, is 81.
MOE:

"You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran?" he said, then sang "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" before discussing what he considered Iran's serious threat to Israel and international security.

MOE: There is a storied history in the Tkacik household of cracking senile jokes as early as age 10, for which we ended up coining the blanket rejoinder "Yeah, grandpa." So like, I have a total weakness for the Grandpa humor. I could write a book of tasteless Grandpa jokes throughout history even. Anyway, just a thought. Not that I don't love the crowd here! I feel like the news is BORING today. Is it me?

Image via the riveting YouTube productionCuttin' Crocs

MOE: Yooooo.
MEGAN: Hey, I am just sitting here contemplating how freakishly tan Joe Scarborough has gotten. I hope he has a good dermatologist.
MOE: I'm sure Charlie Crist has a recommendation!
MEGAN: Charlie Crist totally fake bakes. And/or does a spray-on tan. But now that he's totally getting married, I'm sure his wife will be running her hands all over his naked body regularly so she'll notice any changes in his moles
MEGAN: (I crack myself up sometimes)
MOE: Oh Jesus Christ, seriously?
MOE: (LOL)
MEGAN: I know, dude, wtf? I bet he's still mad at Scarborough for constantly mocking his ugly sweater, though.

“I thought that Fox’s coverage during the primary was comprehensive and fair and evenhanded,” Mr. Wolfson said Monday in a telephone interview from Liverpool, England, where he was vacationing. “It’s a huge audience, and it is important to have a strong, progressive voice on the network.”

MOE: Drudge, naturally, is so excited by this news his headline currently reads "HILLARY OPS: FOX NEWS FAIREST"
MEGAN: I love how, like, a year ago, Kos and that crowd were like "NO DEBATES ON FOX NEWS ARGH" and Clinton totally backed out and now her communications guy is fucking joining the network.
MOE: Speaking of, did you read the Carr piece recapping Fox's long history of, uhhh, "comprehensiveness"? To me their alteration of Jacques Steinberg looks less like Nazi propaganda than your basic Mr. Potatohead Garbage Pail antics. Do you think by "evenhanded" Wolfson meant "you have to credit them with keeping his features relatively symmetrical"?
MEGAN: I was totally wondering when someone was going to point that out about the alterations to the picture, because it's actually the first thing I thought when I saw them — like, um, does anyone else notice the anti-Semetic undertones of this? But being a card-carrying, weak-chinned, blonde-haired Anglo-Saxon-verging-on-Aryan type, I didn't feel qualified to point that out but now I do and so I say to Faux News: What the fuck, sirs? Please fire your Photoshop guy.
MEGAN: Also, even though I mentioned it last night, I feel like we should talk briefly about Webb dropping out.
MEGAN: Like, apparently there's hints it's some sort of skeleton? I mean, the man's a former Republican, former Reagan official whose written smutty books has a bunch of kids with 3 different wives... there's more??
MOE: Um, given what we know, is there any reason to believe there's not? Or do you think the reformed Hillary camp had something to do with it?
MEGAN: Ooh, that be some sort of awesome intrigue, wouldn't it? Because the HuffPo story just quotes an anonymous Democratic source that he dropped out after receiving the camp's veting documents to fill out, but that could totally be a Clinton smear job. In which case, Clintonistas,brava! Well done. Just don't do so much of that that George Allen can beat him, mmkay?
MOE:

A Democrat close to Webb confirms that a request for documents preceded his declaration to the Obama campaign. The Democrat said that Webb did not want to relive the vigors of a campaign so soon after his election to the Senate.

He keeps harping on that.
MEGAN: Which itself is kind of a shit thing to say about not running when the guy whose asking you wasn't elected that much before you, actually.
MEGAN: *who's asking you.
MEGAN: Also, I'm just going to put this out there, even if it's not true, this tale of homoerotic wrestling hilarity in the Deep South had better end up in Bruno.
MEGAN:

The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged. "It set the crowd off lobbing beers," Holland said. "They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually."

MOE: OMG did you cover Bruno's fooling of the ex-Mossad agent? Because that = why I read Drudge. There's a lot of Bernanke shit today because of the speech he's giving but I'm not sure I care to address it. Also: I am hungover physically and metaphysically. But I got new meds yesterday so I should probably take one.
MEGAN: I did see the Mossad thing, but because it's Drudge, I sort of ignored. Also, I thought we should mention the fact that Congressman Waxman is scheming to find a way to make Karl Rove's position illegal forever more.
MOE: You know what sucks? When Safari decides to make its Java stop working, and then you're forced to use Firefox, which uses like 100x the ram. Also, did you blog McCain's endorsement of Crocs? I love it when free-marketeers hold up pointless little companies that feed off nothing beyond America's neverending ability to buy into stupid fads as these inspiring success stories that invariably started with two guys and a "great idea." Yeah, plastic shoes, great fucking idea. But anyway, as much as I love that I had nooooo idea what a cringe-inducing public speaker McCain could be, not that I should talk.
MEGAN: The first big speech I ever gave to 200 people (including my boss), I was running 102 fever, I kept running out of the conference room to vomit, I burst capillaries around my eyes and only barely avoided puking on the podium. I've gotten better.
MEGAN: Anyway, I also know the answer to Crocs — not that this is AT ALL surprising, but the founder is a big conservative donor type..
MOE: I have to say, I don't often give them credit, but it looks like Access Hollywood nailed a powerful scoop here.
MEGAN: Also, he doesn't like shopping, he's one of those dudes who likes to walk in and just buy stuff. He's a real guy! Watch him drink beer! Watch him uncomfortably hold Michelle's purse.
MEGAN: Actually, this makes me want to tell a funny story about my dad.
MEGAN: When I was in high school, I needed some new bras, and my dad had a credit card and the availability. We went to Sears. As I'm walking around browsing, my dad's stuck in the middle of the bra department trying not to look anywhere, so he's focused on the sign above one of the racks, which says "underwire" in cursive over a picture of water. My dad says in the typical Carpentier-lacking-volume-control-voice, "What do you need an underwater bra for?"
MEGAN: The sales lady, on her way to rescue both of us had to leave the department she was laughing so hard and sit in the shoe section.
MOE: Um that is AWESOME. My dad would never in a million fucking years go near a bra. In fact, I don't even think I have ever heard him say the word bra. In fact my dad forgoes no opportunity to tell me my "cleavage" is showing, when you and I both know "my cleavage"…well there is no such thing.
MEGAN: I used to take my dad bra-shopping as revenge for all the embarrassment he caused me. It's oneupsmanship on embarrassment in my household, this is why it is really hard to embarrass me and why I do it to other people all the time. And your cleavage is fine but if you would like to trade, I would be happy to do so.
MOE: This is going to shock you, but I'm somewhat occupied with a certain comments thread right now.
MEGAN: Gosh, you think? Might as well let everyone get back to that one if they want.
MOE: My friend Marcus is in the news. He's the new executive editor of the Washington Post! This signals a "generational change." He was in Obama's class at Columbia! And used to co-own a nightclub in Shanghai. I'm hoping he won't be too disturbed by my conduct to give me a job moving his stuff.
MEGAN: Oooh, can he open a good club in D.C.?