I hate to break it to you, but lots of women have a strong sex drive. As a matter of fact, some of us enjoy having sex as often as we can. And by "sex", I mean good sex. With a fun partner that makes us feel smokin' hot and gets us off.
Maybe, just maybe, the problem is you. Maybe you're a household boor who's total shit in the sack, a missionary-loving, cunnilingus-shunning, rabbit-pumping, heavy-breathing sweathog with bad breath and a small, drippy weenis. Maybe if you improved your technique and your attitude towards women your wife might be interested in schtupping you. Maybe. But I could be wrong. You might want to just invest in a Fleshlight.
You know how I know Prager sucks in bed? Because guys who are good in bed actually want the other person/people involved to be turned on and into what's going on. Guys who suck in bed just want to masturbate with your body. In which case I say, you've got a hand, so fucking use it already.
I suggest this fantastic wordsmith spend some time in maximum security lock-up. When his "husband" who has come to protect him from... well whoever else in the prison, demands sex, he should just do it. Even if he isn't in the mood. Clearly, feelings don't count or anything like that.
Tear him a fucking new one, Megan. Do it the way only you can, for the sake of womanity everywhere.
This guy is utterly revolting. And they deny the existence of a culture of rape? But seriously, sex does lessen in many longterm relationships and there are reasons for it that will not be resolved, only exacerbated, by laying back and thinking of the British Empire while he humps away. Basic mutual respect, communication and compassion is the only route to real intimacy and sexual pleasure.
Quick prelude: I'm vehemently opposed to this guy, and his writing is awful. Problematic in ways already here addressed: the idea of men and women's natural state, that a woman's supposed natural state is inferior to the man's, the disregard for real issues, the idea women don't want sex for pleasure, etc.
BUT, (can't believe I just said 'but' but here goes...)
The idea of a quick handjob or blowjob when one isn't aroused oneself every once in a while doesn't strike me as so absurd. Perhaps I listen to the Savage Lovecast a little too much, but Dan's advice about compensating for sex drive discrepancies seems reasonable. Note that he advises this for men as well as women. If Person A has a higher sex drive than Person B, Person A should tone it down a bit, and Person B should notch it up a bit. Compromise.
That said, obviously Prager isn't suggesting this, given his tone and methods, etc. But some of the basic ideas coming across aren't bad in and of themselves.
@superconnected: Well, the condescending tone of his idiocy is preventing much substance from getting through to me, but I'll try...I've had sex, or given a handjob, blowjob etc. because he wanted to and i didn't, but didn't really care, and I thought I might get into it. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. And yeah, what you say about 'toning it down' and 'notching it up' seems quite reasonable - but I don't get that from Prager at ALL. Granted these are excerpts, but I think that's being far too generous with him. Prager lost me with 'expressions of love'. Yes, sometimes I want to do it to show that I love him and enjoy the intimacy. But other times I want to give him a massive, backbreaking orgasm and enjoy the feeling of total world domination that comes with it. ( Not Prager...that is badly phrased...I mean my partner)
Yeah, good points. I also feel he isn't suggesting that, and that would be too generous. I guess my comment was more in response to some of the other comments (as a whole, not specific ones) which seemed to imply extremes, as in *never* compromising, never doing something when one doesn't want to, which also plays into the "men want it, women don't" narrative. I can understand that reaction, though, given the nature of what Prager's said and the fact that the narrative was already set up.
I actually agree with you, and I guess am on the same page as most of the other commenters as well. I mostly just rationalized my lack of real outrage.
And I'm glad to hear you don't want to give Prager a backbreaking orgasm, haha. Although perhaps if it *literally* broke his back...
This isn't exactly meant in the guy's defense, as he is a douchesack. But here's the thing: in long-term relationships, sex can really wane, and it's detrimental, overall, to the relationship. Been there a couple of times, and both times were with people who denegrated my appearance regularly. I stopped wanting sex because I believed that I was not deserving of it.
Many women DO stop wanting sex after a while, and there are good reasons for it that aren't going to be solved by spreading your legs when you don't really want to. Fatigue, boredom, weight issues - these aren't to be remedied by simply giving in when the husband wants it. However, to be fair to this columnist, there have been times where I simply haven't been in the mood for sex and I have gotten in the mood very quickly upon seeing my partner masturbating (big turn on for me) furtively in the shower.
I certainly don't advocate simply doing whatever hubby wants, but if you want to feel sexy, and you start telling yourself that you ARE sexy, it sure can help. I think that that is the angle that he's going for, and failing to reach.
@jollydolly: LOL. Yes, I mean, there are any number of things that couples can do the keep the flame alive, and more often than not, it doesn't involve stupid stuff like lighting candles or buying sex toys (it can, but doesn't have to).
Me, I love it when my man holds me close, breathes in deeply with his nose against my neck like he's trying to inhale me, and then does this sort of caveman grunt thing. I can feel his desire.
DESIRE is the key here, Prager. Not just a "well, I'd really like to unload into you now" kind of thing. But actual desire. It's sexier, and, well, you know... women and their needs.
@AnnieGetYourFun: That is definitely the difference here. As long as the man is approaching the whole thing as a joint venture (not that he just needs to get off and wants her to cooperate with it), then taking time out for sex is good. The better version of this article would be: Want a woman to have more sex with you? How about try figuring out what turns her on and DO THAT MORE. Women's desire tends to be more complicated and less visual than men's (not for everyone, but generally speaking), but in a relationship, it shouldn't be too much to ask for the man (who supposedly loves her) to work at getting her in the mood.
@RoxNminral: Well, Dennis' objections would likely be that, sage as your suggestions sound on paper, they would require him, the man, to expend some actual effort.
I can't believe I was able to finish that whole article. I need to go kick a kitten now. Also, I'm kissing my fiance the second he gets in the door, because even when he pisses me off, he's not even the same species as this scum.
Because what I need in my life is another bloody job to do around the house. God. Maybe I don't feel like it because I already have two paying jobs, motherhood, and cleaning the damn place. Why he isn't breaking his back trying to please me is the real mystery here. Prager is an incredible flaming asshole for even thinking this, never mind publishing it like it's an idea worth articulating.
Prager argues that both men and women are "naturally" a certain way, due to their respective sexes. But, as is typical with anti-feminist cavemen types, he insists that women should deny their own "natural selves" & coddle men's "natural selves." Men's "nature" is privileged above women's "nature;" they are never asked to change their behavior, while women are. Always.
@SarahMC: Aside from the fact that arguments about "human nature" are pretty much completely vacuous, I am sick and fucking tired of the onus always being on women to change ourselves, never on men. We are the ones who have to acquiesce, we are the ones who have to protect ourselves from assault, etc etc. Why can't men learn to deal with their so-called "natural" desires (which are pretty much invented anyway) and quit thinking women are/should be sexually available at any time they want?
12/31/08
What about MY needs, Prager?
12/31/08
12/31/08
His techniques *ahem* would not win him last place in a bass-fishing contest?
Just, you know, off the top of my head.
12/31/08
I hate to break it to you, but lots of women have a strong sex drive. As a matter of fact, some of us enjoy having sex as often as we can. And by "sex", I mean good sex. With a fun partner that makes us feel smokin' hot and gets us off.
Maybe, just maybe, the problem is you. Maybe you're a household boor who's total shit in the sack, a missionary-loving, cunnilingus-shunning, rabbit-pumping, heavy-breathing sweathog with bad breath and a small, drippy weenis. Maybe if you improved your technique and your attitude towards women your wife might be interested in schtupping you. Maybe. But I could be wrong. You might want to just invest in a Fleshlight.
For reals,
La Madrugada
12/31/08
12/31/08
12/31/08
12/31/08
12/31/08
This guy is utterly revolting. And they deny the existence of a culture of rape? But seriously, sex does lessen in many longterm relationships and there are reasons for it that will not be resolved, only exacerbated, by laying back and thinking of the British Empire while he humps away. Basic mutual respect, communication and compassion is the only route to real intimacy and sexual pleasure.
12/31/08
12/30/08
BUT, (can't believe I just said 'but' but here goes...)
The idea of a quick handjob or blowjob when one isn't aroused oneself every once in a while doesn't strike me as so absurd. Perhaps I listen to the Savage Lovecast a little too much, but Dan's advice about compensating for sex drive discrepancies seems reasonable. Note that he advises this for men as well as women. If Person A has a higher sex drive than Person B, Person A should tone it down a bit, and Person B should notch it up a bit. Compromise.
That said, obviously Prager isn't suggesting this, given his tone and methods, etc. But some of the basic ideas coming across aren't bad in and of themselves.
Amirite?
12/30/08
Prager lost me with 'expressions of love'. Yes, sometimes I want to do it to show that I love him and enjoy the intimacy. But other times I want to give him a massive, backbreaking orgasm and enjoy the feeling of total world domination that comes with it.
( Not Prager...that is badly phrased...I mean my partner)
12/30/08
Yeah, good points. I also feel he isn't suggesting that, and that would be too generous. I guess my comment was more in response to some of the other comments (as a whole, not specific ones) which seemed to imply extremes, as in *never* compromising, never doing something when one doesn't want to, which also plays into the "men want it, women don't" narrative. I can understand that reaction, though, given the nature of what Prager's said and the fact that the narrative was already set up.
I actually agree with you, and I guess am on the same page as most of the other commenters as well. I mostly just rationalized my lack of real outrage.
And I'm glad to hear you don't want to give Prager a backbreaking orgasm, haha. Although perhaps if it *literally* broke his back...
12/30/08
Many women DO stop wanting sex after a while, and there are good reasons for it that aren't going to be solved by spreading your legs when you don't really want to. Fatigue, boredom, weight issues - these aren't to be remedied by simply giving in when the husband wants it. However, to be fair to this columnist, there have been times where I simply haven't been in the mood for sex and I have gotten in the mood very quickly upon seeing my partner masturbating (big turn on for me) furtively in the shower.
I certainly don't advocate simply doing whatever hubby wants, but if you want to feel sexy, and you start telling yourself that you ARE sexy, it sure can help. I think that that is the angle that he's going for, and failing to reach.
12/30/08
12/30/08
Me, I love it when my man holds me close, breathes in deeply with his nose against my neck like he's trying to inhale me, and then does this sort of caveman grunt thing. I can feel his desire.
DESIRE is the key here, Prager. Not just a "well, I'd really like to unload into you now" kind of thing. But actual desire. It's sexier, and, well, you know... women and their needs.
12/31/08
12/31/08
We can't have that.
12/30/08
12/30/08
12/30/08
+ Watch video
12/30/08
12/31/08