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#coverlies

The Year's 10 Best Cover Lies
Maybe we should call this post the worst Cover Lies, as the most egregiously mendacious covers are often the most fun to mock. Regardless, here's a little tour of what some of the glossies were really saying in 2009.

12/24/09

22,754

26

By Anna N.
#coverlies

January Vogue: Everything Old Is ... Still Old
This January, Vogue is promoting expensive vacations and hipster boys in skinny pants. What is this, 2005? More »

12/22/09

8,435

63

By Anna N.
#coverlies

Elle: The New Year's 'Make Better' Metamorphosis
The Lady Gaga/Britney Elle is all about makeovers (also called "Make Better"): From reinvented Catholic schoolgirls to those who used their uniforms to turn a profit, the issue offers many reasons not to reinvent oneself in the New Year. More »

12/15/09

12,344

77

By Cheryl
#coverlies

Marie Claire: Natalie Portman On Muses, Schtupping Sean Penn
This month's Marie Claire includes a David Letterman-inspired article that explains why "bonking the boss" is a bad idea, yet still makes office affairs sound sexy. But more importantly, did Natalie Portman hook up with Sean Penn? More »

12/11/09

23,308

101

By Margaret
#coverlies

Glamour: In 2010, Resolve Not To Put Popcorn In Your Vagina
January Glamour offers lots of tips for surviving til 2011, which readers will really appreciate — if they're complete boneheads. More »

12/09/09

18,584

186

By Anna N.
#coverlies

Cosmo's 50 Ways To Scare Your Lover
If your boyfriend or husband has been laid off recently, beware: All that free time has turned him into a chronic masturbator, and he's singlehandedly (heh) ruining your sex life. Cosmo recommends you crack the whip — literally. More »

12/08/09

25,916

341

By Margaret
#coverlies

Elle: Women Will Never Be Satisfied, Should Buy Expensive Sh-t
The December Elle would like to remind its readers that they will never be happy this holiday season. More »

12/03/09

9,951

102

By Cheryl
#coverlies

December Vogue: Deck The Halls With Adrenal Glands And Expensive Shirts
If you're the ideal Vogue reader, chances are everyone on your holiday gift list already has a gold-dipped fur and a little vintage fire engine for their kid to ride in (p. 264). Solution: $800 t-shirts. More »

12/01/09

10,413

36

By Anna N.

#coverlies

December Allure: For The Martian On Your Holiday Shopping List
If you've got a green-skinned friend with limited understanding of earthling manners, a copy of December's Allure may be just the gift for her. More »

11/30/09

10,849

62

By Anna N.
#coverlies

Going Vogue: Anna Wintour Meets Alaskan Winter
Question: What do Sarah Palin's new book and Vogue magazine have in common? Answer: Both are glossy, insubstantial, and full of lies. More »

11/24/09

19,953

77

By Anna N.
#coverlies

December Glamour: Change We Can't Believe In
Michelle Obama, Rihanna, Serena Williams, Amy Poehler, and Maria Shriver are all fantastic choices for the cover of Glamour. Too bad they all have to share the December issue so Jessica Simpson can get her own month. More »

11/17/09

11,980

98

By Margaret
#coverlies

Marie Claire: This Month, Try Settling For A Lesser Man
The December Marie Claire highlights the holiday season's newest trend: hanging onto the significant others you can't stand. More »

11/12/09

20,407

186

By Cheryl
#coverlies

Cosmo: Men Want Virgins & Whores, No Fatties
This month, Cosmo's editors were excited to discover that 71% of men like it when their female partner wants to have sex. We're more worried by what that says about the other 29%. More »

11/10/09

30,440

307

By Margaret
#coverlies

Elle: Covering Hollywood, Missing Cover Lines
First, Harper's Bazaar was missing pages now the November Elle is missing a cover line. Where's all this lost ladymag text going? More »

11/04/09

13,051

31

By Cheryl
#coverlies

Vogue: It Is Easy Being Green... If You Live In The Chelsea Hotel
Behind its Photoshop-of-Horrors cover, this month's Vogue is packed with the type of supposedly socially responsible content that's been its wont lately. But as regular Vogue readers already know, everything — including social responsibility — is easier when you're rich. More »

10/30/09

17,088

109

By Anna N.
#coverlies

Glamour's "Big" Issue: Plus-Size Models, Plus-Size Problems
Good news, ladies: The November issue of Glamour features its much-ballyhooed plus-sized photoshoot, meaning that being bigger than a sample size is finally acceptable (though readers' faces, wardrobes, and sex lives still need some work). More »

10/29/09

43,462

228

By Margaret
#coverlies

Allure: This November, Try A Diet Of Vinegar And Air
The November Allure has hit newsstands, and as usual, it's full of obvious instructions and beauty advice. But as a bonus, it also includes "information" on the season's most ill-conceived and inadvisable diets. More »

10/26/09

23,846

119

By Cheryl
#coverlies

Marie Claire: Bling On Your Pants, Swank In A Lake
Why does Hilary Swank look so worried on the cover of the November Marie Claire? Maybe because she got a look at the obnoxious questions MC editor in chiefJoanna Coles was about to ask her. More »

10/22/09

14,671

43

By Anna N.
#coverlies

November Cosmo: "Bad Girls" Always Bend To Their Boyfriends' Whims
This month's Cosmo is for "sexy bitches only," so don't read on unless you're into topless feather-dusting, armpit kissing, and hog-tying your himbo. More »

10/20/09

19,819

180

By Margaret
#coverlies

Cosmo: Powerful Women Use Their Vaginas, Not Their Voices
In the October issue of Cosmopolitan Megan Fox declares, "Women hold the power because we have the vaginas... If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female you win." The editors say keeping your mouth shut works too! More »

10/13/09

15,501

100

By Margaret
#coverlies

Marie Claire: Drew & Ellen Are Dating?
From Drew Barrymore and and Ellen Page locking lips to "Stiletto Stoners" the October issue seems full of scandal and intrigue. But as usual, we find there's not much below the surface. More »

10/09/09

21,027

63

By Cheryl

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