• allure

    October Allure: Who's That Girl?

    October is the month for Allure’s signature ‘Best of Beauty’ feature, a list of 182 of the “best” products our maxed-out credit cards can buy, most of which were probably applied in conjunction with excessive PhotoShop to cover model Ellen Pompeo’s face (Ellen, is that really you under there?). While Allure is no stranger to large lists of unnecessary beauty products and cover model metamorphosis beyond recognition, the October issue has been marked “Special.” Wonder why? Could it have to do with those scientific breakthroughs in the beauty industry? Find out after the jump. More »
    09/26/08
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    By Cheryl

    Comment by SkipToMyLou: Jesus fuck. I thought that was Lohan. Bad 'shopping indeed. 10 Responses | Other threads

  • elle

    October Elle: Vomit Has Never Been So Beautiful

    This month's Elle features an interview with Sex and the City creator Candace Bushnell, in which we learn this charming anecdote: Once, during Bushnell's habitually "shitfaced" NYC party girl days in the 1980s, the author's friend was "chatting with Bushnell at a party on a high-floor terrace, when Bushnell almost daintily turned her head, vomited to the ground below, and then resumed the conversation as though nothing had happened." Ha! What a perfect metaphor for this month's issue! Reading the October Elle feels just like being trapped at a coke-fueled party in the late '80s, surrounded by neon leopard print, punky zippers and chains, obnoxious floral prints, and of course, ruffles. But which part spurs the inevitable boot and rally? The 700th profile to describe J.Lo as "superwoman?" The anti-aging article that encourages women in their 20s to inject various toxins into their neck and under-eye area? After the jump, check out our version of Elle's cover and decide which part most makes you want to hurl. More »
    09/24/08
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    Comment by sweetchilisauce: Can we also get a translation for J.Lo's strange body language? That hand delicately cupping the plus sign makes me... 6 Responses | Other threads

  • coverlies

    Fire Up The Yacht — It's October Vogue!

    In this month's Vogue, models wear fur coats to go rock-climbing (with their "hoof-like heels," we think they're supposed to look like mountain goats). In another shoot, a model pouts around a farm in stylish tweeds, in an odd perversion of the art of Dorothea Lange. And in "Modern Manners," William Norwich teaches us that if a friend wants to borrow "a cherished book, a car, a piece of jewelry, the plane, the yacht" we should tell her, "I simply can't for insurance reasons." Welcome, once again, to Vogue-world, where no hike is too casual for couture, and everyone has their libraries insured. Finalize your divorce from reality with our versions of Vogue's cover lines, after the jump. More »
    09/23/08
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    By Anna N.

    Comment by MizJenkins: Ugh, can I just say how tired I am of looking at this cover already? I love Rachel Weisz but... 5 Responses | Other threads

  • marie claire

    October Marie Claire: Cigs For Lindsay, Skydiving For Newlyweds, And Botox For All Ages

    Interviewer Lucy Kaylin doesn't really get all that much out of Lindsay Lohan in this month's Marie Claire (surprise!), but she sure does love to watch LiLo smoke. Lindsay puts her cigarette out in a cup of brown liquid. She flicks her ash into a baked potato. At one point Kaylin even likens Lindsay's fingers to cigarettes. Possibly our intrepid MC operative recently quit smoking? Luckily she resisted the urge to light up Lohan's thumb long enough to get her take on the nickname LiLo: "Whatever — it's fine. I know my real name." More on Linds, beginner Botox, skydiving couples, and Nina Garcia, as we rewrite Marie Claire's headlines after the jump. More »
    09/18/08
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    By Anna N.

    Comment by ltothe: flckng sh vrywhr nrmlly sn't prblm; th fdr-grgyl tht lrchs rnd Lndsy slly jst ts thm bfr nyn ntcs. 20 Responses | Other threads

  • cosmopolitan

    Sex, Guys, And Exclamation Points: Fun With October Cosmo

    Last week we were concerned that Cosmo had gone minimalist, eliminating all but one paltry headline from its Kate-Hudson-emblazoned cover. Fearing we'd be deprived of the cover wisdom of Cosmo's sexy sex sexperts, we came up with a substitute. First, get 100 index cards. Write "sex" on 75 of them. Then write "guys" on 20. Fill the remaining 5 with whatever random numbers and punctuation marks you want. Then pull these out of a bag at random and you have your very own Cosmo cover lines. Example: "Sex? Sex!! 15,000,000 Guys?!?!?" Luckily, Cosmo came through for us after all — check out our version of the (real) October cover after the jump. More »
    09/11/08
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    103

    By Anna N.

    Comment by Penny: 15 Date Ideas He'll Be Into Basketball/baseball/football game? Hiking? Lingerie shopping? Beer tasting? Riding bikes? 15 Responses | Other threads

  • glamour

    Glamour's 'Age Issue': Act Your Age, Just Don't Look It

    October is the month for Glamour's Age Issue, where you dear Reader, are supposed to totally relate to at least one of these women because everyone ages the exact same way. According to Glamour, your 20s is when you land your first serious job and should start wearing sunscreen. You are Rachel Bilson! Then there's Ali Larter, a 30-something. Like Ali, this is the time where you become serious and truly in touch with the fact that you need to buy anti-wrinkle serum right now. How do you become serious? Well, Ali quit acting for two years and recreated her own Eat, Pray, Love themed sabbatical in order to stop being cast as "whipped-cream-bikini-girl" again. (She now plays a superhero on television.) Anyway, when you're 40 like Diane Lane, you really, seriously get in touch with yourself... by hauling your ass to the gym to help delay bodily decay. After the jump, Glamour gets the Cover Lies treatment... because we know you care about the 11 things men want from women. More »
    09/10/08
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    147

    By Cheryl

    Comment by DorothyZbornak: The secret to beauty at any age? Photoshop, of course! 24 Responses | Other threads

  • eva mendes

    September Marie Claire : Eva Mendes Has A Fu—kin' Girlcrush

    Oh goody, it's the September Marie Claire featuring Eva Mendes. We learned a lot this month from the women's mag that is "more than just a pretty face." Like, did you know that Eva Mendes has a girlcrush on Annette Bening because the woman is not afraid to say the word "fuck"? Or that it's not okay to read Us Weekly while sitting next to your boss on the airplane? Or that "salt caves" exist in strip malls in and around Chicago? We feel smarter already! In this installment of Cover Lies, discover which horrific pant style from the early 90s is back and what kind of books Eva likes to keep on her nightstand, because we know you really care. More »
    08/26/08
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    By Cheryl

    Comment by augie1: Eva Mendes and Phillip Roth?! What the heck is that reference too? They would make quite a celebrity couple. Would... 1 Responses | Other threads

  • glamour

    September Glamour: When It Comes To Blowjobs, Just Suck It Up

    The cover of the new, September issue of Glamour mentions sex three times. And, as usual, the articles leave us with much to be desired. (Thanks for the one sexual position that will help us cope with small penises and thanks for the breaking news that men fantasize about threesomes and foursomes! Plus: Don't like giving head? Too bad! Do it anyway!) In fact, it feels as though we took a wrong turn and got lost somewhere in the pages of this month's Cosmo. After the jump, find out what Glamour has to say about Penelope Cruz (hint: it might have something to do with sex) because, after all, it's what's on the inside of magazines that counts. More »
    08/18/08
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    158

    By Cheryl

    Comment by bluebird0822: Penelope's come hither look is all about selling the blowjob. more » | Other threads

  • photoshop of horrors

    Jessica Simpson's Elle Cover: Waist Not, Want Not

    Check out Jessica Simpson gracing the cover of the September issue of Elle. She looks great, doesn't she? While there's no doubt that Ms. Simpson is slim yet curvy girl, this particular shape appears to be digitally manufactured. We received a few tips about her waist being whittled, so we decided to take a closer look. An amateur investigation, after the jump. More »
    08/01/08
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    146

    By Dodai

    Comment by TheoboldAndrogeus: Check this out. It is a campaign that was started to tackle this exact issue: http://www.thepoint.com/campaigns/one-magazine-at-a-time more » | Other threads

  • coverlies

    What The Elle? Layered Cutout Swimsuits Do A "Body Issue" Bad

    So, not to rain on anyone's umbrella or anything, but have you ever noticed? Rihanna = not that pretty! (Maybe it's the haircut?) There, I've said it. I know it's against the rules here, but sometimes you gotta break the rules, even if you just made them up on Monday, and anyway: who cares? She's a singer. Why is she supposed to be some sort of style icon? Because some stylist told her to wear a gold lame American Apparel bikini under her dress as a bra because that's what they're doing right now? Anyway, moving on, this week we had help from Anonymous Supermodel Tatiana, who commended Elle for finding a model, "Valentine," without visible back ribs and noticed that the magazine seems to enjoy sticking its regular fad diet story line in the same place between the E and the L. What does it all mean? Fuck if we know. We rewrite the cover lines so you don't have to feel guilty sticking to Neverland on the beach this month! More »
    05/30/08
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    291

    By cheryl

    Comment by made_line: @Skinny Bone Jones: @Skinny Bone Jones: @Skinny Bone Jones: when her first album came out she didnt even speak much... more » | Other threads

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